The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 32, Episode 15 - Do PizzaBots Dream of Electric Guitars? - full transcript
Homer tries to reunite a mechanical band from his youth, but J.J. Abrams beats him to it.
♪
YOUNG GRAMPA: Homer,
get your lazy butt out of bed!
You're gonna be late for work!
(whoops) Going to work!
(early-'90s hip-hop playing)
Hey, what's the haps,
pop-diggity?
D'oh! What's wrong with you?
Can't you talk like
a normal 55-year-old man?
You'll never understand
hip-hop, Dad.
I understand plenty.
You're wasting your life
trying to be
some kind of "d'jay."
It's DJ, dad.
You'll see,
I'm gonna have my moment.
Check your watch...
It's Homer Time!
- (grunting)
- (sneakers squeaking)
Where you going, Homer?
To my happy place.
All right team, the word
of the day is "upsell."
Every medium pizza
should be extra-large
and every thin-crust
should be deep dish.
Mozzarella is money.
Do I make myself as clear
as this Crystal Pepsi?
Ah.
Ah, pointless.
Okay, everyone, it's showtime.
Homer, plug in the band.
What's up, party people?
Put your greasy hands together
for the Razzle Dazzle
Rockin' Rollin' Revue!
(gears clanking)
♪ A-one, two, three o'clock,
four o'clock, pizza ♪
♪ A-five, six, seven o'clock,
eight o'clock, pizza ♪
♪ We're gonna pizza
around the pizza tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We're gonna pizza around ♪
♪ The pizza tonight. ♪
Oh, listen
to that applause, Wakkety.
Those kids love pizza rock!
You suck, Yak.
Kids, I tell you,
our pizza can't be beat.
Pizza can't... I... beat kids...
I beat kids. I beat kids.
(all screaming)
That robot's
threatening the kids.
Everyone's leaving.
(exclaims)
Do something!
This is my moment.
("Ice Ice Baby"
by Vanilla Ice playing)
♪ All right, stop ♪
♪ Grab a plate and listen ♪
♪ Yak is back
with a menu addition ♪
♪ Regular toppings
don't get the job done ♪
♪ Premium toppings
get my mouth sprung ♪
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Sun-dried tomatoes ♪
-Oh!
- Ah!
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Canadian bacon ♪
-Whoa!
- Yeah.
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Kalamata olives ♪
-Yeah!
- Whoa!
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
- ♪ Premium toppings, yo ♪
- (all cheering)
You know what,
instead of pepperoni,
let's get the Canadian bacon.
So premium.
♪ Sauce to your pizza. ♪
(kids cheering)
That was a heck of a show.
I was selling Nutzo Bread
like it was Weirdo Wedges.
(whistles)
Say, instead of pizza versions
of old songs,
we should be playing
pizza versions of new songs.
Homer, I want you to create
a whole new show,
ripping off the music
you care about.
(gasps)
All the Ices from Cube to T.
Thank you, Mr. Gunderson.
Guys, we got
a lot of work to do.
I beat kids.
Beat kids. Beat kids.
YOUNG HOMER: Dad, tonight's
my big show at the pizza place.
You're coming, right?
Son, I don't know
quite how to put this, but
you're a fool
and your dreams are garbage.
Now, get out of here before
I say something I'll regret.
I'll show you who's a fool.
(grunting)
(mutters): Such a jerk.
(grunting)
(indistinct chatter)
Big crowd out there.
You guys are
gonna be great tonight.
I know it.
That's okay, it's just nerves.
Dah, the place is packed.
This is why
I went into business...
To make money.
Homer Cool J Simpson presents
the new and improved
Phuntime Phunky Phour!
♪ Whoomp, there it is... pizza ♪
♪ Whoomp, there it is... pizza ♪
(cheering)
♪ Whoomp, there it is. ♪
Whoomp, who are you?
FBI.
We're shutting this place down.
-This business is a front
for drug trafficking.
-(music stops)
Confiscate those robots.
But they're innocent.
You're just harassing them
because they're rappers.
(grunts)
D'ope!
That cocaine isn't mine.
I never touch
sweet, sweet booger sugar.
Let's all buy Beemers
with hundred-CD disc changers...
They fill the whole trunk!
MTV, baby!
(cackling)
No, don't take my friends.
No!
(sobbing)
Told ya.
(sobbing)
And I never saw
my robot friends again.
So... are we still
going to Ralph's birthday party?
Never! This is where
my dreams died. (sobs)
I almost didn't get these cones,
and you know what,
I'm glad I did.
(continues sobbing)
Homie, it's been three days
since that terrible memory
came back, and you haven't
said anything about it.
Oh. (short chuckle) That?
What a silly thing
to get upset about.
I totally overreacted.
It's all in the past now.
Oops, don't want
to be late for work.
Love you. Love you all.
- (door closes)
- I can't stand
to see him like this.
What? Dad looks happy.
Something's deeply wrong.
He's missing
his youthful spirit,
that spark that
makes him who he is.
Did you see
how he ate his breakfast?
He didn't shuffle his pancakes
like a deck of cards.
He doesn't
air-drum while driving
or race the dog in butt scooting
across the carpet.
And he always won.
He's not my Homie anymore.
We didn't notice any of that.
(scoffs) A wife knows.
And a bartender. He's just...
he's just not the same.
He don't spin Barney around
on the stool no more.
He don't drink beer from a crazy
straw... just a sensible straw.
What are we gonna do
about our little man, Midge?
We're just gonna
have to love him that much more.
I didn't think
that was possible.
(crying)
I'm used to seeing Mom
upset about Dad, but Moe...
That really shook me.
How do we heal
the 14-year-old boy
who lost the thing
he cared most about...
Rapping pizza robots?
What?
It's a very Dad kind of trauma.
Well, if losing those robots
screwed him up,
what if we somehow
found them again?
Hmm.
Dad told us
Gil used to be his boss,
so maybe Gil could help us.
And I know
just where to find him.
("Hooray for Hollywood" playing)
Razzle Dazzle's...
That was many lives ago.
I was top of the heap,
making kids happy
with music and pizza.
My Dad said you were
also selling drugs.
Ah, the drugs
sold themselves, kid.
The whole world was my nostril.
Look, after you "went away,"
what happened
to those singing robots?
Well, the FBI
sold them at auction,
but I never lost track
of my babies.
I'm gonna get those robots back,
and start a new kiddie
pizza place,
then use that as a front
to sell even better drugs!
- (giggles)
- Gimme that.
(gasps) This is it.
They're all here.
Lis, we're getting
the band back together.
♪ ♪
You can't take Jive Turkey.
He's the centerpiece
of my priceless collection
of disco memorabilia.
For God's sake, Stuart.
Get rid of this stuff.
You've wasted your life
on America's worst music craze.
I'm just glad your father,
Doo-Wop Steve,
didn't live to see this.
Hmm... Take him.
Thank you, Mrs...
Public Domain Debbie.
♪ On top of Old Smoky ♪
♪ All covered in snow. ♪
Please, Professor.
This mechanical...
What is it, a beaver?
It's the key to my husband's
emotional recovery.
Aw... (mumbles)
Well, I understand that need
to develop an attachment
to a piece of machinery
to combat loneliness.
What do-what do you say, boys,
should I... should I
just let her have him?
Free him, you monster.
Free all of us.
He programs us to lose.
(alarm chirps)
Hmm. Why would I,
a major local celebrity,
possess a robot
from a defunct pizza parlor?
The very notion is absurd.
Oh, of course. I'm sorry, sir.
My mistake. Sorry to bother you.
Oh, uh, there is
one more thing, sir.
I see that you go through
a lot of this, uh,
mechanical oil stuff here.
Well, there's a perfectly
logical explanation, Bartender.
I spray it
on my rusty door hinges.
Oh, right, now I get it.
You don't want anyone
to know that
a respectable gent like yourself
is using this here WD-40
and this silk kimono
and this Enrique Iglesias CD
with your sex robot!
Oh, yeah, the yak.
I used him
to test the Kevlar vests.
I liked the way
he would sing about pizza
every time
I shot him in the chest.
You're a little late, though.
I just sold him to those guys.
(Bart and Lisa gasp)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where-where
are you going with that?
We're taking it to the new
local offices of J.J. Abrams.
J.J. Abrams.
What's a big Hollywood director
doing in Springfield?
Making the next
Mission: Impossible.
Downtown Springfield's
standing in for Somalia.
What does he want with
this rickety piece of junk?
As a visionary genius,
J.J. needs to be kept
in a constant state
of childlike wonder,
so we fill his creative
space with kitsch,
whimsy, memorabilia.
- (phone dings)
- (all gasp)
J.J. needs a Garbage Pail Kids
pinball machine
and a roll of 1982 quarters.
Go, go, go!
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're a cool, young,
brother-sister directing team
and we'd like to speak
to a low-level executive
about a vague idea we have.
Super vague.
Right away!
(gasps) There's the yak.
But how are we gonna
get it out of here?
Step away from the kitsch.
What are you thinking, trying to
steal from a Hollywood big shot?
That's like murdering
a dozen normos.
Sorry, Dad. We thought
it would make you happy
if we got your old band
back together.
The Phuntime Phunky Phour?
That's impossible.
I'll never
see those guys... again.
Yak.
It's you.
MAN: What a touching scene.
I know just how to shoot it.
- It's J.J.!
- Roll his calls!
Don't step on his shadow.
Oh, no, I'm wearing
the same shirt as him. Aah!
- Hi, I'm J.J.
- Homer Jay.
Sorry my kids
tried to steal from you.
It's just that they were trying
to get this old robot back,
so... so...
So they could reunite
the entire animatronic band
to heal the broken teenager
inside of you.
(all gasp)
How did you know my secret pain?
I didn't.
My storytelling sense told me
this was the only emotionally
cathartic end to your journey.
Master of story!
He's the ultimate architect
of cinematic universes,
and my dad's friend.
Mm...
I need to see
all the robots together.
Wipe to...
(gasps) Foxxy, Turkey,
Hippie, and Wakkety!
You're all here.
I've never seen such
genuine childlike wonder.
And I've been to dozens
of test screenings.
Homer, your emotional connection
to these characters
has shown me
that your journey can be
a universal experience,
- or at least Dreamworks.
- What?
I have wonderful news:
I'm gonna make these robots
the stars of their own
nine-movie franchise.
Buy the underlying IP.
- Done. You own it.
- Fantastic.
Take them away. Take them?
But we just got reunited.
Oh, but I need them.
My visual effects artists
have to scan them
into supercomputers
so our mind-blowing reboot
will make its release date:
March 30...
The new Fourth of July.
No! (whimpering)
(sobbing)
No! The same thing
happened again,
but slightly different,
years later.
It's what I do.
I had them back
and I lost them again.
Homie, I know
how hard this is for you.
I always say
you shouldn't do this,
but maybe... just this once...
You should go eat your feelings.
Six feelings with extra cheese.
An order of French feelings,
and a super chocolate
frosty depression.
I also recommend
a hot apple cry.
Yes, I recognize
a fellow sadness swallower.
And then J.J. Abrams
took my robots away...
so he could reboot them.
Why do Hollywood guys
only want to make movies?
I used to be like you,
getting angry at filmmakers
who ruined my favorite
childhood characters,
stewing in silence. But now,
thanks to the Internet,
I can fight back.
- You can?
- Oh, yes, my friend.
It is called "trolling."
Thanks to social media
super-soldiers like myself,
studios spent millions to remove
Sonic the Hedgehog's
creepy human teeth.
We changed the world
of video game adaptations
I never saw.
Then I'll do it.
I'll become a troll,
stop J.J. Abrams' reboot,
and save my childhood.
And now I'm eating a feeling
I've never felt before.
♪
Marge, I've done it.
The boycott
is gaining momentum...
The supportive comments
are pouring in.
Three of them!
Homer, please. You've missed
so much of your life.
Of our lives.
It's only a movie.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe I have been
taking this nostalgia-fueled
vendetta too far.
- (computer dings)
- (gasps)
Pizza movie news alert.
Hey, Springfield.
I'm inviting you
to come to the Aztec Theatre
tonight for a special preview
of my new animated movie,
Agents of P.I.Z.Z.A.
How dare he do
what he said he was gonna do!
I paused just long enough
for anyone watching
to say something.
And now, here's a little...
"slice" of what
you'll see tonight.
NARRATOR:
They'll save the world
in 90 minutes...
or the movie is free.
Written by Tony Kushner
and Babaloo Mandel.
No. This reimagining
is worse than
I could have ever imagined.
I've got to stop that screening.
(grunting)
There's only one person
who can help my Homie now.
- Who are you calling?
- No, don't tell us...
It'll be cooler
when we find out later.
(indistinct chatter)
Reboots suck
and you're to blame,
make it different, but the same!
Thank you, loyal trolls,
for joining me
in my passion project:
destroying someone else's
passion project.
Yes, every fan deserves movies
that are individually tailored
to their preconceived ideas.
Let's ruin everyone's night!
(applause)
Welcome to this preview
of Agents of P.I.Z.Z.A.,
featuring the voice talents
of whoever was famous
eight months ago.
(all quietly exclaiming)
But the real heroes
are the thousands
of computer artists
who worked around the clock,
slowly going blind,
at such effects houses as
Dream Prison, Digital Sweatshop,
Indentured Server-dudes,
and too many others to count.
- Or pay.
- MAN: Yeah!
And now, without further ado...
Did somebody ask for ado?
(all gasp)
Hey, Homer. Good to see you.
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
This man took simple,
beautiful animal robots
designed to sell pizza
and turned them into something
crass and commercial.
Well, it's all over, J.J....
If those are your real initials.
I'm going to burn
the only copy of this movie.
Actually, the movie's backed up
on servers all over the world.
That reel is just a prop
from the snack stand.
Oh.
I wondered why it was buttery.
You can't release this movie.
Changing those characters
- will ruin my childhood.
- GRAMPA: Bullpucky!
(all gasp)
(grunts)
So that's who
Mom called earlier.
So satisfying.
Son, a movie
can't ruin your childhood.
I ruined it
by being a terrible father.
- But the movie.
- No, it was me.
I put you down,
I never listened to you,
said your dreams
were ridiculous.
Maybe it was the way
I was brought up.
Men back then
could only love sports stars
and auto makes.
I was a Chevy man
and I thought that was enough.
The '63 Impala SS sport coupe...
Now, that was a son.
Of course.
It's not the movie that sucks,
it was you sucking.
It was always you sucking.
I hate you, Dad.
ALL: Aw.
Homer, I know you were
attached to the past,
but this movie...
All 71 minutes of it...
Might help
a new generation of kids
forget their terrible parents.
- Like us, Dad.
- I want to forget so bad.
- Mm.
- Go on, make your movie.
It's literally already done.
I guess the only time
I'll see my friends now
is on the big screen.
Well, actually...
(gasps)
The band is back together.
I had them reprogrammed
to dispense frozen yogurt
at the after party.
Goodbye, old friend.
You'll always be a part of me.
Ah...
COMIC BOOK GUY:
To all who dare reboot a movie,
comic book, or TV show...
You are being watched
by Troll Force Five!
Mary Sue, who writes
fan fiction starring herself.
"Harry Potter turned and said,
'Without Mary Sue,
I never could have brought
Dumbledore back to life.'"
COMIC BOOK GUY:
The Furry... the ultimate expert
on poorly-rendered CGI hair.
That's not what it looks like
when a bear sweats.
COMIC BOOK BUY:
The Shipper... able to detect
romantic connections
where, clearly, none exist.
C-3PO and Chewbacca
are definitely a couple.
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Stan, who can ruin anything
by loving it too much.
Together, we are...
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
♪ Your mother's got flavor,
your father's got the flavor ♪
♪ Your sister and your brother
and your cousins ♪
♪ Got the flavor, the flavor ♪
♪ Flavor that
you crave so much ♪
♪ Flavor with boom,
flavor that goes crunch ♪
♪ Tell me, who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ The funky hip-hop ♪
(beatboxing)
♪ Feel the beat drop ♪
♪ Hour after hour ♪
♪ Sweet, nothing sour ♪
(neighs)
♪ Kick it like horsepower ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got... ♪
Shh!
YOUNG GRAMPA: Homer,
get your lazy butt out of bed!
You're gonna be late for work!
(whoops) Going to work!
(early-'90s hip-hop playing)
Hey, what's the haps,
pop-diggity?
D'oh! What's wrong with you?
Can't you talk like
a normal 55-year-old man?
You'll never understand
hip-hop, Dad.
I understand plenty.
You're wasting your life
trying to be
some kind of "d'jay."
It's DJ, dad.
You'll see,
I'm gonna have my moment.
Check your watch...
It's Homer Time!
- (grunting)
- (sneakers squeaking)
Where you going, Homer?
To my happy place.
All right team, the word
of the day is "upsell."
Every medium pizza
should be extra-large
and every thin-crust
should be deep dish.
Mozzarella is money.
Do I make myself as clear
as this Crystal Pepsi?
Ah.
Ah, pointless.
Okay, everyone, it's showtime.
Homer, plug in the band.
What's up, party people?
Put your greasy hands together
for the Razzle Dazzle
Rockin' Rollin' Revue!
(gears clanking)
♪ A-one, two, three o'clock,
four o'clock, pizza ♪
♪ A-five, six, seven o'clock,
eight o'clock, pizza ♪
♪ We're gonna pizza
around the pizza tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ We're gonna pizza around ♪
♪ The pizza tonight. ♪
Oh, listen
to that applause, Wakkety.
Those kids love pizza rock!
You suck, Yak.
Kids, I tell you,
our pizza can't be beat.
Pizza can't... I... beat kids...
I beat kids. I beat kids.
(all screaming)
That robot's
threatening the kids.
Everyone's leaving.
(exclaims)
Do something!
This is my moment.
("Ice Ice Baby"
by Vanilla Ice playing)
♪ All right, stop ♪
♪ Grab a plate and listen ♪
♪ Yak is back
with a menu addition ♪
♪ Regular toppings
don't get the job done ♪
♪ Premium toppings
get my mouth sprung ♪
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Sun-dried tomatoes ♪
-Oh!
- Ah!
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Canadian bacon ♪
-Whoa!
- Yeah.
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
-♪ Kalamata olives ♪
-Yeah!
- Whoa!
♪ Slice, slice, baby ♪
- ♪ Premium toppings, yo ♪
- (all cheering)
You know what,
instead of pepperoni,
let's get the Canadian bacon.
So premium.
♪ Sauce to your pizza. ♪
(kids cheering)
That was a heck of a show.
I was selling Nutzo Bread
like it was Weirdo Wedges.
(whistles)
Say, instead of pizza versions
of old songs,
we should be playing
pizza versions of new songs.
Homer, I want you to create
a whole new show,
ripping off the music
you care about.
(gasps)
All the Ices from Cube to T.
Thank you, Mr. Gunderson.
Guys, we got
a lot of work to do.
I beat kids.
Beat kids. Beat kids.
YOUNG HOMER: Dad, tonight's
my big show at the pizza place.
You're coming, right?
Son, I don't know
quite how to put this, but
you're a fool
and your dreams are garbage.
Now, get out of here before
I say something I'll regret.
I'll show you who's a fool.
(grunting)
(mutters): Such a jerk.
(grunting)
(indistinct chatter)
Big crowd out there.
You guys are
gonna be great tonight.
I know it.
That's okay, it's just nerves.
Dah, the place is packed.
This is why
I went into business...
To make money.
Homer Cool J Simpson presents
the new and improved
Phuntime Phunky Phour!
♪ Whoomp, there it is... pizza ♪
♪ Whoomp, there it is... pizza ♪
(cheering)
♪ Whoomp, there it is. ♪
Whoomp, who are you?
FBI.
We're shutting this place down.
-This business is a front
for drug trafficking.
-(music stops)
Confiscate those robots.
But they're innocent.
You're just harassing them
because they're rappers.
(grunts)
D'ope!
That cocaine isn't mine.
I never touch
sweet, sweet booger sugar.
Let's all buy Beemers
with hundred-CD disc changers...
They fill the whole trunk!
MTV, baby!
(cackling)
No, don't take my friends.
No!
(sobbing)
Told ya.
(sobbing)
And I never saw
my robot friends again.
So... are we still
going to Ralph's birthday party?
Never! This is where
my dreams died. (sobs)
I almost didn't get these cones,
and you know what,
I'm glad I did.
(continues sobbing)
Homie, it's been three days
since that terrible memory
came back, and you haven't
said anything about it.
Oh. (short chuckle) That?
What a silly thing
to get upset about.
I totally overreacted.
It's all in the past now.
Oops, don't want
to be late for work.
Love you. Love you all.
- (door closes)
- I can't stand
to see him like this.
What? Dad looks happy.
Something's deeply wrong.
He's missing
his youthful spirit,
that spark that
makes him who he is.
Did you see
how he ate his breakfast?
He didn't shuffle his pancakes
like a deck of cards.
He doesn't
air-drum while driving
or race the dog in butt scooting
across the carpet.
And he always won.
He's not my Homie anymore.
We didn't notice any of that.
(scoffs) A wife knows.
And a bartender. He's just...
he's just not the same.
He don't spin Barney around
on the stool no more.
He don't drink beer from a crazy
straw... just a sensible straw.
What are we gonna do
about our little man, Midge?
We're just gonna
have to love him that much more.
I didn't think
that was possible.
(crying)
I'm used to seeing Mom
upset about Dad, but Moe...
That really shook me.
How do we heal
the 14-year-old boy
who lost the thing
he cared most about...
Rapping pizza robots?
What?
It's a very Dad kind of trauma.
Well, if losing those robots
screwed him up,
what if we somehow
found them again?
Hmm.
Dad told us
Gil used to be his boss,
so maybe Gil could help us.
And I know
just where to find him.
("Hooray for Hollywood" playing)
Razzle Dazzle's...
That was many lives ago.
I was top of the heap,
making kids happy
with music and pizza.
My Dad said you were
also selling drugs.
Ah, the drugs
sold themselves, kid.
The whole world was my nostril.
Look, after you "went away,"
what happened
to those singing robots?
Well, the FBI
sold them at auction,
but I never lost track
of my babies.
I'm gonna get those robots back,
and start a new kiddie
pizza place,
then use that as a front
to sell even better drugs!
- (giggles)
- Gimme that.
(gasps) This is it.
They're all here.
Lis, we're getting
the band back together.
♪ ♪
You can't take Jive Turkey.
He's the centerpiece
of my priceless collection
of disco memorabilia.
For God's sake, Stuart.
Get rid of this stuff.
You've wasted your life
on America's worst music craze.
I'm just glad your father,
Doo-Wop Steve,
didn't live to see this.
Hmm... Take him.
Thank you, Mrs...
Public Domain Debbie.
♪ On top of Old Smoky ♪
♪ All covered in snow. ♪
Please, Professor.
This mechanical...
What is it, a beaver?
It's the key to my husband's
emotional recovery.
Aw... (mumbles)
Well, I understand that need
to develop an attachment
to a piece of machinery
to combat loneliness.
What do-what do you say, boys,
should I... should I
just let her have him?
Free him, you monster.
Free all of us.
He programs us to lose.
(alarm chirps)
Hmm. Why would I,
a major local celebrity,
possess a robot
from a defunct pizza parlor?
The very notion is absurd.
Oh, of course. I'm sorry, sir.
My mistake. Sorry to bother you.
Oh, uh, there is
one more thing, sir.
I see that you go through
a lot of this, uh,
mechanical oil stuff here.
Well, there's a perfectly
logical explanation, Bartender.
I spray it
on my rusty door hinges.
Oh, right, now I get it.
You don't want anyone
to know that
a respectable gent like yourself
is using this here WD-40
and this silk kimono
and this Enrique Iglesias CD
with your sex robot!
Oh, yeah, the yak.
I used him
to test the Kevlar vests.
I liked the way
he would sing about pizza
every time
I shot him in the chest.
You're a little late, though.
I just sold him to those guys.
(Bart and Lisa gasp)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where-where
are you going with that?
We're taking it to the new
local offices of J.J. Abrams.
J.J. Abrams.
What's a big Hollywood director
doing in Springfield?
Making the next
Mission: Impossible.
Downtown Springfield's
standing in for Somalia.
What does he want with
this rickety piece of junk?
As a visionary genius,
J.J. needs to be kept
in a constant state
of childlike wonder,
so we fill his creative
space with kitsch,
whimsy, memorabilia.
- (phone dings)
- (all gasp)
J.J. needs a Garbage Pail Kids
pinball machine
and a roll of 1982 quarters.
Go, go, go!
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're a cool, young,
brother-sister directing team
and we'd like to speak
to a low-level executive
about a vague idea we have.
Super vague.
Right away!
(gasps) There's the yak.
But how are we gonna
get it out of here?
Step away from the kitsch.
What are you thinking, trying to
steal from a Hollywood big shot?
That's like murdering
a dozen normos.
Sorry, Dad. We thought
it would make you happy
if we got your old band
back together.
The Phuntime Phunky Phour?
That's impossible.
I'll never
see those guys... again.
Yak.
It's you.
MAN: What a touching scene.
I know just how to shoot it.
- It's J.J.!
- Roll his calls!
Don't step on his shadow.
Oh, no, I'm wearing
the same shirt as him. Aah!
- Hi, I'm J.J.
- Homer Jay.
Sorry my kids
tried to steal from you.
It's just that they were trying
to get this old robot back,
so... so...
So they could reunite
the entire animatronic band
to heal the broken teenager
inside of you.
(all gasp)
How did you know my secret pain?
I didn't.
My storytelling sense told me
this was the only emotionally
cathartic end to your journey.
Master of story!
He's the ultimate architect
of cinematic universes,
and my dad's friend.
Mm...
I need to see
all the robots together.
Wipe to...
(gasps) Foxxy, Turkey,
Hippie, and Wakkety!
You're all here.
I've never seen such
genuine childlike wonder.
And I've been to dozens
of test screenings.
Homer, your emotional connection
to these characters
has shown me
that your journey can be
a universal experience,
- or at least Dreamworks.
- What?
I have wonderful news:
I'm gonna make these robots
the stars of their own
nine-movie franchise.
Buy the underlying IP.
- Done. You own it.
- Fantastic.
Take them away. Take them?
But we just got reunited.
Oh, but I need them.
My visual effects artists
have to scan them
into supercomputers
so our mind-blowing reboot
will make its release date:
March 30...
The new Fourth of July.
No! (whimpering)
(sobbing)
No! The same thing
happened again,
but slightly different,
years later.
It's what I do.
I had them back
and I lost them again.
Homie, I know
how hard this is for you.
I always say
you shouldn't do this,
but maybe... just this once...
You should go eat your feelings.
Six feelings with extra cheese.
An order of French feelings,
and a super chocolate
frosty depression.
I also recommend
a hot apple cry.
Yes, I recognize
a fellow sadness swallower.
And then J.J. Abrams
took my robots away...
so he could reboot them.
Why do Hollywood guys
only want to make movies?
I used to be like you,
getting angry at filmmakers
who ruined my favorite
childhood characters,
stewing in silence. But now,
thanks to the Internet,
I can fight back.
- You can?
- Oh, yes, my friend.
It is called "trolling."
Thanks to social media
super-soldiers like myself,
studios spent millions to remove
Sonic the Hedgehog's
creepy human teeth.
We changed the world
of video game adaptations
I never saw.
Then I'll do it.
I'll become a troll,
stop J.J. Abrams' reboot,
and save my childhood.
And now I'm eating a feeling
I've never felt before.
♪
Marge, I've done it.
The boycott
is gaining momentum...
The supportive comments
are pouring in.
Three of them!
Homer, please. You've missed
so much of your life.
Of our lives.
It's only a movie.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe I have been
taking this nostalgia-fueled
vendetta too far.
- (computer dings)
- (gasps)
Pizza movie news alert.
Hey, Springfield.
I'm inviting you
to come to the Aztec Theatre
tonight for a special preview
of my new animated movie,
Agents of P.I.Z.Z.A.
How dare he do
what he said he was gonna do!
I paused just long enough
for anyone watching
to say something.
And now, here's a little...
"slice" of what
you'll see tonight.
NARRATOR:
They'll save the world
in 90 minutes...
or the movie is free.
Written by Tony Kushner
and Babaloo Mandel.
No. This reimagining
is worse than
I could have ever imagined.
I've got to stop that screening.
(grunting)
There's only one person
who can help my Homie now.
- Who are you calling?
- No, don't tell us...
It'll be cooler
when we find out later.
(indistinct chatter)
Reboots suck
and you're to blame,
make it different, but the same!
Thank you, loyal trolls,
for joining me
in my passion project:
destroying someone else's
passion project.
Yes, every fan deserves movies
that are individually tailored
to their preconceived ideas.
Let's ruin everyone's night!
(applause)
Welcome to this preview
of Agents of P.I.Z.Z.A.,
featuring the voice talents
of whoever was famous
eight months ago.
(all quietly exclaiming)
But the real heroes
are the thousands
of computer artists
who worked around the clock,
slowly going blind,
at such effects houses as
Dream Prison, Digital Sweatshop,
Indentured Server-dudes,
and too many others to count.
- Or pay.
- MAN: Yeah!
And now, without further ado...
Did somebody ask for ado?
(all gasp)
Hey, Homer. Good to see you.
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
This man took simple,
beautiful animal robots
designed to sell pizza
and turned them into something
crass and commercial.
Well, it's all over, J.J....
If those are your real initials.
I'm going to burn
the only copy of this movie.
Actually, the movie's backed up
on servers all over the world.
That reel is just a prop
from the snack stand.
Oh.
I wondered why it was buttery.
You can't release this movie.
Changing those characters
- will ruin my childhood.
- GRAMPA: Bullpucky!
(all gasp)
(grunts)
So that's who
Mom called earlier.
So satisfying.
Son, a movie
can't ruin your childhood.
I ruined it
by being a terrible father.
- But the movie.
- No, it was me.
I put you down,
I never listened to you,
said your dreams
were ridiculous.
Maybe it was the way
I was brought up.
Men back then
could only love sports stars
and auto makes.
I was a Chevy man
and I thought that was enough.
The '63 Impala SS sport coupe...
Now, that was a son.
Of course.
It's not the movie that sucks,
it was you sucking.
It was always you sucking.
I hate you, Dad.
ALL: Aw.
Homer, I know you were
attached to the past,
but this movie...
All 71 minutes of it...
Might help
a new generation of kids
forget their terrible parents.
- Like us, Dad.
- I want to forget so bad.
- Mm.
- Go on, make your movie.
It's literally already done.
I guess the only time
I'll see my friends now
is on the big screen.
Well, actually...
(gasps)
The band is back together.
I had them reprogrammed
to dispense frozen yogurt
at the after party.
Goodbye, old friend.
You'll always be a part of me.
Ah...
COMIC BOOK GUY:
To all who dare reboot a movie,
comic book, or TV show...
You are being watched
by Troll Force Five!
Mary Sue, who writes
fan fiction starring herself.
"Harry Potter turned and said,
'Without Mary Sue,
I never could have brought
Dumbledore back to life.'"
COMIC BOOK GUY:
The Furry... the ultimate expert
on poorly-rendered CGI hair.
That's not what it looks like
when a bear sweats.
COMIC BOOK BUY:
The Shipper... able to detect
romantic connections
where, clearly, none exist.
C-3PO and Chewbacca
are definitely a couple.
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Stan, who can ruin anything
by loving it too much.
Together, we are...
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
♪ Your mother's got flavor,
your father's got the flavor ♪
♪ Your sister and your brother
and your cousins ♪
♪ Got the flavor, the flavor ♪
♪ Flavor that
you crave so much ♪
♪ Flavor with boom,
flavor that goes crunch ♪
♪ Tell me, who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ The funky hip-hop ♪
(beatboxing)
♪ Feel the beat drop ♪
♪ Hour after hour ♪
♪ Sweet, nothing sour ♪
(neighs)
♪ Kick it like horsepower ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got flavor ♪
♪ I do, I do ♪
♪ Who's got... ♪
Shh!