The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 26, Episode 8 - Covercraft - full transcript
Homer forms a cover band with other dads in town when he takes up bass guitar to deal with a mid-life crisis, but the band's modest success is soon overwhelmed by Apu's breakout potential.
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(Homer grunting)
♪ The Simpsons 26x08 ♪
Covercraft
Original Air Date on November 23, 2014
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(snoring)
(groans)
(humming)
(humming)
Well, if ain't my next-door
neighbor, King Toot.
Moe.
How many times I got to tell you not
to throw your trash in my Dumpster?
Oh, come on, Szyslak.
I got to make space in the store
for my new side business--
a tanning salon that secretly
has cameras in the beds,
- That is registered.
- Hey, sounds great.
Maybe then you could afford
to rent your own Dumpster.
I like my current deal.
Free. Of. Charge.
(grunting)
I'll eat your hair!
You call that a testicle kick?
(tires screech)
All right, you two, break it up.
Drive on, asphalt cowboy,
or I'll squeeze his brain out
like an edamame.
Eh, uh, a what?
Those beans you eat
before your sushi comes.
Oh, salt peas.
I call them salt peas.
Look, Officer, after 20 years
of being neighbors,
tempers sometimes flare up.
Moe's a good guy.
No, no, no, it's my fault.
I'm a hothead.
I ain't got no beef
with you, Toot.
(whispering): You better stay
out of my Dumpster.
I've also been stealing the
catalogs out of your mailbox.
(punching,
instruments clattering)
(grunting)
(screaming)
It's my Dumpster!
(screaming continues)
(both growling)
And that's the terrifying tale of
how the Quebec Nordiques became...
the Colorado Avalanche.
Oh, no!
King Toot's is closed!
Dad, you're going to have
to take me to...
the big box music store.
Look at all
these monstrosities.
HOMER: Lisa, how many times
have I told you
to bow down
to our corporate overlords?
(Lisa groans)
(doorbell dings)
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
HOMER: It's like some kind
of guitar central.
Hmm.
(groans)
Hmm. Hmm.
Midlife crisis
at 12 o'clock.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, let me guess, dude.
You're an axman; You're
looking to score a new blade.
Stig. (chuckles)
You've got a name
that's not a name.
So what's your poison, bro? Les Paul?
Straight up Gibson?
No, no, no, classic Strat,
am I right?
Oh, I don't have what it
takes to play guitar.
I mean, I'm no Joe Walsh
in the brains department.
(chuckles)
Who is? Look, you
don't have the weak,
womanly fingers
of a guitar princess.
You, my friend, have the
muscular stumps of a bass man.
Try this on.
(note plays loudly)
What the rock?
(chuckles)
Now that was a lick.
- I did a lick?
- Keep them coming.
(notes repeating)
Yes, now bob your head.
Bob it, bob it, bob it.
Dude, usually it takes years
to learn such neck confidence.
Now check this out.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
I'm amazing.
Dude, you're already one of the
greatest bass players of all time.
Okay. Now... Oh, how are
you set for stage lights?
I'm not set at all.
Ooh, what about gels?
This is embarrassing
to admit, Stig,
but I haven't even
thought about gels.
(Marge humming)
(bass playing loudly)
(gasps)
(Milhouse screams)
What is that racket?!
Music! Beautiful music!
What?!
Beautiful music, baby.
The bass guitar? This doesn't
really seem like you.
Sure it is.
You know I've always loved
laying things down.
Grooves are just the latest.
(groans)
I feel a powerful connection to the
history of famous bass players.
Like what's-his-name
from The Who.
Or that guy from Led Zeppelin who
wasn't Page, Plant or Bonham.
Those are the only two
I know for sure.
It's so cool to have another
musician in the family!
Oh, yeah, and you know what
the great thing is about music?
It's so easy.
Uh, well, to truly master an
instrument you'll need years of...
So easy.
(bass playing)
(gasping)
(siren wailing)
- (Homer gasps)
(Marge groans)
(gasps)
Oh!
Ooh!
(groans)
MARGE:
I can't take it.
All Homer does
is play that stupid bass.
Doink, doink, doink, doink,
doink, doink, doink.
You're not alone, Marge.
A man gets older,
has a career, a few kids,
and suddenly there's a hole in his life
that can only be filled by jamming.
For my Julius,
it was the drums.
Timothy has that
awful guitar.
Kirk just loves
his keyboards.
I never knew so many women suffered
from extramarital jamming.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
What if all the dads jammed
together in a dad band?!
That way they would play their horrible
music in one garage at a time.
Marge, you're a genius!
This menu was right--
good things do
happen at 'Zerz.
♪ 'Zerz! ♪
(cymbals clattering)
I don't know, guys. I'm not
sure I'm feeling this.
The bass is kind of known
for being a solo instrument.
What were our
wives thinking?
We probably don't even
like the same tunes.
On the count of three, everyone
say their favorite kind of music.
One, two, three...
ALL:
Hard-driving rock!
(gasping)
Dads, let's jam!
(rock song playing)
Garage bands rule!
(gasps)
I almost forgot
the most important thing.
(rock song playing)
(song ends)
Great practice, guys.
What do you say we give it another
six hours, then call it a day?
APU: Excuse me, but my wife told me
about your get-out-of-the-house band.
And, uh, perhaps
you need a singer?
Oh, yeah, Apu, I'm sure
you're a great singer.
But the balance of the band
is really delicate right now,
and we're not really looking
for a world music vibe.
No disrespect to world music.
I love world music.
No, no, I will sing
the classic power ballad
"Hopin' for a Dream" by my favorite
band from the 1980s, Sungazer.
(clears throat)
Okay, here we go.
♪ When I close my eyes ♪
♪ I wish that
I could fantasize ♪
♪ Pull a dream right
out of the air ♪
♪ Take a chance,
turn it into a prayer. ♪
That sounds nothing like
terrible, terrible world music.
Why is your voice
different when you sing?
It is because of all the years
I spent at the Kwik-E-Mart...
(rock song playing)
APU: ...where classic rock
anthems were piped in
on a never-ending loop.
The endless repetition drove
many clerks to madness.
The only way to
maintain my sanity
was to sing along until it
seemed like our voices were one.
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Focus like a laser beam ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting till
I want something great ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream. ♪
(song ends)
Guys, are you feeling this?
Are you feeling this?
- I'm feeling it.
- I'm definitely feeling it.
I felt something earlier,
but I was afraid to bring it up.
I think we all
felt something.
We are more than just
a garage band
desperate to do anything other
than hang out with our families.
We are now a cover band.
And we shall be called...
Covercraft.
Because we play covers
and this is our craft.
And it sounds
like Hovercraft.
That was not my intent.
Okay, Covercraft, hands in.
Cover...
ALL:
Craft!
HOMER:
R-O-K-C.
(carnival music playing)
(instruments tuning)
Okay, this crowd is about to experience
the special magic of the cover band,
the thrill of live music without
the fear of hearing anything new.
Hmm?
(sighs)
Apu, what's wrong?
What if, what if
I am no good?
This is the Cabbage Festival, man. I-I
don't know if I can face that crowd!
(groans)
Buddy, buddy.
Think of it this way:
You're not singing
in front of all those people,
you're alone at the Kwik-E-Mart
in the middle of the night.
You just wear this onstage,
and everything will be fine.
(gasps)
My uniform!
All alone at the Kwik-E-Mart.
♪ ♪
♪ When I close my eyes ♪
♪ I wish that
I could fantasize ♪
♪ Pull a dream
right out of the air ♪
♪ Take a chance ♪
♪ Turn it into a prayer ♪
♪ Girl, you know
I want to be the guy ♪
♪ With a hunger
burning deep inside ♪
♪ Tonight I wish
upon a falling star ♪
♪ To discover what
my yearnings are... ♪
Everyone loves you, Dad.
You could become
a famous rock star!
Well, son, I do
have the talent.
My mind is full of ideas for
great songs I could write...
down the names of
and then cover.
But then I remember:
I'm just a regular guy,
jamming with my buds.
Oh, sweetie. This band has
brought out the best in you.
Yeah, you really get that
it's all about the music.
Yep. It's all about the music.
And it would take a pretty unforeseen
development to change that.
Pretty unforeseen...
Gentlemen, I think we've found
what we're looking for.
HOMER: Guys, I really need
your honesty here.
At the Squidport
Senior Jamboree...
was I too in the pocket?
(Covercraft members gasp)
KIRK: Freddy Freeman, Shredder Stevens,
Nick Delacourt and Peter D'Abbruzio--
you're four of the five guys
from Sungazer!
But where's your lead
singer, Grant LeDavid?
Uh, he passed away.
How?
(whispering)
What kind of erotic
asphyxiation?
(whispering)
Oh...
Apu, you're the only man on the entire
Internet who's got the pure Sungazer sound.
Will you be our new lead singer
and join us on our stadium tour?
- Uh...
- Oh! - Ooh.
I think I can
answer for Apu.
He's flattered, but the
small-time success of Covercraft
is all that any of us
have ever wanted.
Uh, actually, I...
Apu has a rich life
here in Springfield:
A store full of great products,
a lovely him-type wife,
and eight super kids:
Anoop, Sandeep,
Nabendu, Gheet,
Pria, Uma,
Poonam, Sashi...
Shut your mouth, I want to do it!
I want to do it!
I want to be a singer
for a real rock band!
SHREDDER STEVENS:
Sun...
ALL:
...gazer!
Gotta say, I'm kind of jealous of
Apu getting a break like that.
Not me. I'm nothing but happy that our
friend is headed for fame and fortune.
APU:
Tonight we play Las Vegas--
and the theme of
the casino is circus!
Circus!
Ha!
(whimpers)
I want his fame
and fortune so much!
Why must the Lords
of Rock be so cruel?!
(laughing)
Sammy Hagar?
You're not dead.
Damn it! I told you those jalapeño
poppers had too much breading!
Sorry, Señor Hagar.
Nah, nah, nah,
it's cool, man.
I went to rock
star heaven.
And there was this great back
patio with this sweet fire pit.
If you had the right
wristband-- which I did.
(laughs)
News story in aisle three?
Local clerk,
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, is a
dead ringer for a dead singer.
He's living the rock star dream as
front man for '80s chart-toppers
Sungazer on their Last Final
Hell Re-Freezes Over
Ultimate Good-bye
For Serious This Time
Never Again Part Two
of Question Mark Tour.
Apu and the band appeared
on Saturday Night Live
as the punch line
in a game show sketch.
What's a game show?
Something you make
sketches about.
KENT BROCKMAN: It looks like Apu
won't be playing
the Cabbage Festival
ever again.
Dad, you shouldn't
be jealous of Apu.
Remember, it's all
about the music.
I'm not jealous.
I'm envious.
Jealousy is when you worry
someone will take what you have.
Envy is wanting
what someone else has.
What I feel is envy.
Hmm.
- Wow, he's right.
- You know what?
Apu leaving is the best thing
that ever happened to this band.
We're gonna be like Genesis
after Peter Gabriel left.
You mean more popular
but not as good?
Phil Collins-era Genesis
is not as good, huh?
"No Reply at All," "Land of Confusion,"
"Throwing it All Away," "Illegal Alien,"
"I Can't Dance," and I'm sure
I don't need to mention...
"Invisible Touch"!
Hmph!
(Covercraft plays)
(grunts)
You know, we really could
use a new lead singer.
You know, I've been
known to sing a little.
What? So you can also get
famous and bail on us?
You're out of the band!
Well, you can't
just kick him out.
Oh, so you're sticking
up for Yoko here?
Looks like I've got
another Yoko on my hands.
How can there be two Yokos?
Yoko! Yoko!
Yoko! Yoko! Yoko!
All you Yokos
are out of the band!
(grumbling)
Are you okay?
- Do I sound okay?
- You sound great!
Your licks are really... juicy.
They're not juicy.
My licks are dry.
Dry and scratchy
like a cat's tongue.
You didn't join a band to become
famous like in Almost Famous.
You loved playing music
with your friends.
That was enough
to make you happy.
Well, it's not
enough anymore.
When something great
happens to one person,
everyone else's life
gets a little worse.
Look it up, it's called physics.
Apu is a good man.
He sent over front row tickets
and backstage passes
to his show at
the Costington Center.
Oh, you mean he
generously invited us
to come watch him
be a rock star?
Stop feeling
sorry for yourself.
Your friend had a wonderful
thing happen to him,
and you are coming with us
to share in his talent.
I'll never have
a per Diem.
You don't know
what a per Diem is.
Still want one.
Hmph.
Hmph.
Hmph.
Apu wouldn't be able
to sing a note
if I didn't help him get over his stage
fright with his Kwik-E-Mart shirt.
(gasps)
Backstage pass, you just
became a payback rage pass.
Look at all this rock star
dressing room stuff.
What a sellout.
Cheese plate... oh, sorry,
cubed cheese plate.
Lemon tea, probably
for his throat.
Mm-hmm!
Let's see how he performs
in front of all those people
without his magic-people-
performing-in-front-of shirt.
(door opens, Homer gasps)
But, Mr. Shredder,
you promised me
after we played my hometown
I could have a day off.
I also promised
I'd kick heroin.
Hmm?
But the tour is
so hard on my family.
My octuplets are being raised
by roadies and bodyguards.
This is not proper.
Look, Apu. For 25 years we
wasted money on women, drugs
and guitars with
live fish inside.
And now we want
to keep it going.
You signed a contract for a three-year,
57-country tour at union scale--
no per Diem.
(gasps softly)
You're in the band.
Oh, well, I guess
it's showtime.
(gasps)
- Homer?
- I'm sorry, Apu.
I thought you were living your dream
life, so naturally I wanted to ruin it.
But now I know things stink,
so I'm okay with it.
Oh, what is the point?
I am trapped like a Kwik-E-Mart
hot dog on a roller.
Kwik-E-Mart hot dog, eh?
You want every hot dog
in the store?
Every one?
Okay...
- Yeah! - Yeah.
- Oh! -Yeah!
FORUM ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Tucks Medicated Pads presents...
Sungazer!
(cheering) Yeah!
All right!
Uh, people?
I am sorry to report that all the
original members of the band
have been struck down by a mysterious
case of hot dog poisoning.
(groaning)
Rather than refund your money
or reschedule the show,
we have a
surprise for you.
Get ready to rock with a group that is
truly all about the music-- Covercraft!
♪ ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Focus like a laser beam ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting ♪
♪ Till I want something great ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ To someday,
somehow have a goal ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting
till I want something great ♪
♪ I'm hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Dreams are great
or so it seems ♪
♪ If I never find one
I guess that's okay ♪
♪ I'm hopin' for a dream... ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream, oh... ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
So there I am, on
Easter Island,
and the heads ask me
to play them a song.
I say, "Why me, heads?
You've heard the music
of the universe itself."
And they say, "Sammy,
your stuff rocks
just a little harder."
That's when I wake up.
I'm in the Springfield
Elementary parking lot,
doing a buck fifty-five
in my Ferrari 512 Boxer.
I was cornering so hard, I
blacked out from the Gs, man.
They say I ran over
the groundskeeper.
Probably get life in prison.
But I got a plan to escape,
using only this harmonica
and some guitar picks
with my face on 'em.
Who's with me on this?
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(Hagar laughing)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(Homer grunting)
♪ The Simpsons 26x08 ♪
Covercraft
Original Air Date on November 23, 2014
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(snoring)
(groans)
(humming)
(humming)
Well, if ain't my next-door
neighbor, King Toot.
Moe.
How many times I got to tell you not
to throw your trash in my Dumpster?
Oh, come on, Szyslak.
I got to make space in the store
for my new side business--
a tanning salon that secretly
has cameras in the beds,
- That is registered.
- Hey, sounds great.
Maybe then you could afford
to rent your own Dumpster.
I like my current deal.
Free. Of. Charge.
(grunting)
I'll eat your hair!
You call that a testicle kick?
(tires screech)
All right, you two, break it up.
Drive on, asphalt cowboy,
or I'll squeeze his brain out
like an edamame.
Eh, uh, a what?
Those beans you eat
before your sushi comes.
Oh, salt peas.
I call them salt peas.
Look, Officer, after 20 years
of being neighbors,
tempers sometimes flare up.
Moe's a good guy.
No, no, no, it's my fault.
I'm a hothead.
I ain't got no beef
with you, Toot.
(whispering): You better stay
out of my Dumpster.
I've also been stealing the
catalogs out of your mailbox.
(punching,
instruments clattering)
(grunting)
(screaming)
It's my Dumpster!
(screaming continues)
(both growling)
And that's the terrifying tale of
how the Quebec Nordiques became...
the Colorado Avalanche.
Oh, no!
King Toot's is closed!
Dad, you're going to have
to take me to...
the big box music store.
Look at all
these monstrosities.
HOMER: Lisa, how many times
have I told you
to bow down
to our corporate overlords?
(Lisa groans)
(doorbell dings)
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
HOMER: It's like some kind
of guitar central.
Hmm.
(groans)
Hmm. Hmm.
Midlife crisis
at 12 o'clock.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, let me guess, dude.
You're an axman; You're
looking to score a new blade.
Stig. (chuckles)
You've got a name
that's not a name.
So what's your poison, bro? Les Paul?
Straight up Gibson?
No, no, no, classic Strat,
am I right?
Oh, I don't have what it
takes to play guitar.
I mean, I'm no Joe Walsh
in the brains department.
(chuckles)
Who is? Look, you
don't have the weak,
womanly fingers
of a guitar princess.
You, my friend, have the
muscular stumps of a bass man.
Try this on.
(note plays loudly)
What the rock?
(chuckles)
Now that was a lick.
- I did a lick?
- Keep them coming.
(notes repeating)
Yes, now bob your head.
Bob it, bob it, bob it.
Dude, usually it takes years
to learn such neck confidence.
Now check this out.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
I'm amazing.
Dude, you're already one of the
greatest bass players of all time.
Okay. Now... Oh, how are
you set for stage lights?
I'm not set at all.
Ooh, what about gels?
This is embarrassing
to admit, Stig,
but I haven't even
thought about gels.
(Marge humming)
(bass playing loudly)
(gasps)
(Milhouse screams)
What is that racket?!
Music! Beautiful music!
What?!
Beautiful music, baby.
The bass guitar? This doesn't
really seem like you.
Sure it is.
You know I've always loved
laying things down.
Grooves are just the latest.
(groans)
I feel a powerful connection to the
history of famous bass players.
Like what's-his-name
from The Who.
Or that guy from Led Zeppelin who
wasn't Page, Plant or Bonham.
Those are the only two
I know for sure.
It's so cool to have another
musician in the family!
Oh, yeah, and you know what
the great thing is about music?
It's so easy.
Uh, well, to truly master an
instrument you'll need years of...
So easy.
(bass playing)
(gasping)
(siren wailing)
- (Homer gasps)
(Marge groans)
(gasps)
Oh!
Ooh!
(groans)
MARGE:
I can't take it.
All Homer does
is play that stupid bass.
Doink, doink, doink, doink,
doink, doink, doink.
You're not alone, Marge.
A man gets older,
has a career, a few kids,
and suddenly there's a hole in his life
that can only be filled by jamming.
For my Julius,
it was the drums.
Timothy has that
awful guitar.
Kirk just loves
his keyboards.
I never knew so many women suffered
from extramarital jamming.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
What if all the dads jammed
together in a dad band?!
That way they would play their horrible
music in one garage at a time.
Marge, you're a genius!
This menu was right--
good things do
happen at 'Zerz.
♪ 'Zerz! ♪
(cymbals clattering)
I don't know, guys. I'm not
sure I'm feeling this.
The bass is kind of known
for being a solo instrument.
What were our
wives thinking?
We probably don't even
like the same tunes.
On the count of three, everyone
say their favorite kind of music.
One, two, three...
ALL:
Hard-driving rock!
(gasping)
Dads, let's jam!
(rock song playing)
Garage bands rule!
(gasps)
I almost forgot
the most important thing.
(rock song playing)
(song ends)
Great practice, guys.
What do you say we give it another
six hours, then call it a day?
APU: Excuse me, but my wife told me
about your get-out-of-the-house band.
And, uh, perhaps
you need a singer?
Oh, yeah, Apu, I'm sure
you're a great singer.
But the balance of the band
is really delicate right now,
and we're not really looking
for a world music vibe.
No disrespect to world music.
I love world music.
No, no, I will sing
the classic power ballad
"Hopin' for a Dream" by my favorite
band from the 1980s, Sungazer.
(clears throat)
Okay, here we go.
♪ When I close my eyes ♪
♪ I wish that
I could fantasize ♪
♪ Pull a dream right
out of the air ♪
♪ Take a chance,
turn it into a prayer. ♪
That sounds nothing like
terrible, terrible world music.
Why is your voice
different when you sing?
It is because of all the years
I spent at the Kwik-E-Mart...
(rock song playing)
APU: ...where classic rock
anthems were piped in
on a never-ending loop.
The endless repetition drove
many clerks to madness.
The only way to
maintain my sanity
was to sing along until it
seemed like our voices were one.
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Focus like a laser beam ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting till
I want something great ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream. ♪
(song ends)
Guys, are you feeling this?
Are you feeling this?
- I'm feeling it.
- I'm definitely feeling it.
I felt something earlier,
but I was afraid to bring it up.
I think we all
felt something.
We are more than just
a garage band
desperate to do anything other
than hang out with our families.
We are now a cover band.
And we shall be called...
Covercraft.
Because we play covers
and this is our craft.
And it sounds
like Hovercraft.
That was not my intent.
Okay, Covercraft, hands in.
Cover...
ALL:
Craft!
HOMER:
R-O-K-C.
(carnival music playing)
(instruments tuning)
Okay, this crowd is about to experience
the special magic of the cover band,
the thrill of live music without
the fear of hearing anything new.
Hmm?
(sighs)
Apu, what's wrong?
What if, what if
I am no good?
This is the Cabbage Festival, man. I-I
don't know if I can face that crowd!
(groans)
Buddy, buddy.
Think of it this way:
You're not singing
in front of all those people,
you're alone at the Kwik-E-Mart
in the middle of the night.
You just wear this onstage,
and everything will be fine.
(gasps)
My uniform!
All alone at the Kwik-E-Mart.
♪ ♪
♪ When I close my eyes ♪
♪ I wish that
I could fantasize ♪
♪ Pull a dream
right out of the air ♪
♪ Take a chance ♪
♪ Turn it into a prayer ♪
♪ Girl, you know
I want to be the guy ♪
♪ With a hunger
burning deep inside ♪
♪ Tonight I wish
upon a falling star ♪
♪ To discover what
my yearnings are... ♪
Everyone loves you, Dad.
You could become
a famous rock star!
Well, son, I do
have the talent.
My mind is full of ideas for
great songs I could write...
down the names of
and then cover.
But then I remember:
I'm just a regular guy,
jamming with my buds.
Oh, sweetie. This band has
brought out the best in you.
Yeah, you really get that
it's all about the music.
Yep. It's all about the music.
And it would take a pretty unforeseen
development to change that.
Pretty unforeseen...
Gentlemen, I think we've found
what we're looking for.
HOMER: Guys, I really need
your honesty here.
At the Squidport
Senior Jamboree...
was I too in the pocket?
(Covercraft members gasp)
KIRK: Freddy Freeman, Shredder Stevens,
Nick Delacourt and Peter D'Abbruzio--
you're four of the five guys
from Sungazer!
But where's your lead
singer, Grant LeDavid?
Uh, he passed away.
How?
(whispering)
What kind of erotic
asphyxiation?
(whispering)
Oh...
Apu, you're the only man on the entire
Internet who's got the pure Sungazer sound.
Will you be our new lead singer
and join us on our stadium tour?
- Uh...
- Oh! - Ooh.
I think I can
answer for Apu.
He's flattered, but the
small-time success of Covercraft
is all that any of us
have ever wanted.
Uh, actually, I...
Apu has a rich life
here in Springfield:
A store full of great products,
a lovely him-type wife,
and eight super kids:
Anoop, Sandeep,
Nabendu, Gheet,
Pria, Uma,
Poonam, Sashi...
Shut your mouth, I want to do it!
I want to do it!
I want to be a singer
for a real rock band!
SHREDDER STEVENS:
Sun...
ALL:
...gazer!
Gotta say, I'm kind of jealous of
Apu getting a break like that.
Not me. I'm nothing but happy that our
friend is headed for fame and fortune.
APU:
Tonight we play Las Vegas--
and the theme of
the casino is circus!
Circus!
Ha!
(whimpers)
I want his fame
and fortune so much!
Why must the Lords
of Rock be so cruel?!
(laughing)
Sammy Hagar?
You're not dead.
Damn it! I told you those jalapeño
poppers had too much breading!
Sorry, Señor Hagar.
Nah, nah, nah,
it's cool, man.
I went to rock
star heaven.
And there was this great back
patio with this sweet fire pit.
If you had the right
wristband-- which I did.
(laughs)
News story in aisle three?
Local clerk,
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, is a
dead ringer for a dead singer.
He's living the rock star dream as
front man for '80s chart-toppers
Sungazer on their Last Final
Hell Re-Freezes Over
Ultimate Good-bye
For Serious This Time
Never Again Part Two
of Question Mark Tour.
Apu and the band appeared
on Saturday Night Live
as the punch line
in a game show sketch.
What's a game show?
Something you make
sketches about.
KENT BROCKMAN: It looks like Apu
won't be playing
the Cabbage Festival
ever again.
Dad, you shouldn't
be jealous of Apu.
Remember, it's all
about the music.
I'm not jealous.
I'm envious.
Jealousy is when you worry
someone will take what you have.
Envy is wanting
what someone else has.
What I feel is envy.
Hmm.
- Wow, he's right.
- You know what?
Apu leaving is the best thing
that ever happened to this band.
We're gonna be like Genesis
after Peter Gabriel left.
You mean more popular
but not as good?
Phil Collins-era Genesis
is not as good, huh?
"No Reply at All," "Land of Confusion,"
"Throwing it All Away," "Illegal Alien,"
"I Can't Dance," and I'm sure
I don't need to mention...
"Invisible Touch"!
Hmph!
(Covercraft plays)
(grunts)
You know, we really could
use a new lead singer.
You know, I've been
known to sing a little.
What? So you can also get
famous and bail on us?
You're out of the band!
Well, you can't
just kick him out.
Oh, so you're sticking
up for Yoko here?
Looks like I've got
another Yoko on my hands.
How can there be two Yokos?
Yoko! Yoko!
Yoko! Yoko! Yoko!
All you Yokos
are out of the band!
(grumbling)
Are you okay?
- Do I sound okay?
- You sound great!
Your licks are really... juicy.
They're not juicy.
My licks are dry.
Dry and scratchy
like a cat's tongue.
You didn't join a band to become
famous like in Almost Famous.
You loved playing music
with your friends.
That was enough
to make you happy.
Well, it's not
enough anymore.
When something great
happens to one person,
everyone else's life
gets a little worse.
Look it up, it's called physics.
Apu is a good man.
He sent over front row tickets
and backstage passes
to his show at
the Costington Center.
Oh, you mean he
generously invited us
to come watch him
be a rock star?
Stop feeling
sorry for yourself.
Your friend had a wonderful
thing happen to him,
and you are coming with us
to share in his talent.
I'll never have
a per Diem.
You don't know
what a per Diem is.
Still want one.
Hmph.
Hmph.
Hmph.
Apu wouldn't be able
to sing a note
if I didn't help him get over his stage
fright with his Kwik-E-Mart shirt.
(gasps)
Backstage pass, you just
became a payback rage pass.
Look at all this rock star
dressing room stuff.
What a sellout.
Cheese plate... oh, sorry,
cubed cheese plate.
Lemon tea, probably
for his throat.
Mm-hmm!
Let's see how he performs
in front of all those people
without his magic-people-
performing-in-front-of shirt.
(door opens, Homer gasps)
But, Mr. Shredder,
you promised me
after we played my hometown
I could have a day off.
I also promised
I'd kick heroin.
Hmm?
But the tour is
so hard on my family.
My octuplets are being raised
by roadies and bodyguards.
This is not proper.
Look, Apu. For 25 years we
wasted money on women, drugs
and guitars with
live fish inside.
And now we want
to keep it going.
You signed a contract for a three-year,
57-country tour at union scale--
no per Diem.
(gasps softly)
You're in the band.
Oh, well, I guess
it's showtime.
(gasps)
- Homer?
- I'm sorry, Apu.
I thought you were living your dream
life, so naturally I wanted to ruin it.
But now I know things stink,
so I'm okay with it.
Oh, what is the point?
I am trapped like a Kwik-E-Mart
hot dog on a roller.
Kwik-E-Mart hot dog, eh?
You want every hot dog
in the store?
Every one?
Okay...
- Yeah! - Yeah.
- Oh! -Yeah!
FORUM ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Tucks Medicated Pads presents...
Sungazer!
(cheering) Yeah!
All right!
Uh, people?
I am sorry to report that all the
original members of the band
have been struck down by a mysterious
case of hot dog poisoning.
(groaning)
Rather than refund your money
or reschedule the show,
we have a
surprise for you.
Get ready to rock with a group that is
truly all about the music-- Covercraft!
♪ ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Focus like a laser beam ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting ♪
♪ Till I want something great ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
(audience cheering)
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ To someday,
somehow have a goal ♪
♪ I'll keep fighting
till I want something great ♪
♪ I'm hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream ♪
♪ Hopin' ♪
♪ Dreams are great
or so it seems ♪
♪ If I never find one
I guess that's okay ♪
♪ I'm hopin' for a dream... ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
♪ Hopin' for a dream, oh... ♪
♪ Hopin', hopin', hopin' ♪
So there I am, on
Easter Island,
and the heads ask me
to play them a song.
I say, "Why me, heads?
You've heard the music
of the universe itself."
And they say, "Sammy,
your stuff rocks
just a little harder."
That's when I wake up.
I'm in the Springfield
Elementary parking lot,
doing a buck fifty-five
in my Ferrari 512 Boxer.
I was cornering so hard, I
blacked out from the Gs, man.
They say I ran over
the groundskeeper.
Probably get life in prison.
But I got a plan to escape,
using only this harmonica
and some guitar picks
with my face on 'em.
Who's with me on this?
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(Hagar laughing)