The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 21 - Pay Pal - full transcript
When Homer ruins his and Marge's chances of making a new couple friend, Marge decides to concentrate on finding a friend for Lisa. However, Lisa suddenly makes a new friend on her own.
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
What the...?!
Well, this is a no-brainer.
Woo-hoo!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
(groans)
now what?
(screams)
(marge humming)
? ?
(laughing)
? ?
(whirring)
Mom, it's not funny
If I can't hear the cats
drown in their own barf.
(screaming)
(whirring louder)
(retching continues louder)
Why can't kids still watch
captain kangaroo?!
Culture's in decline.
Deal with it.
(groans):
Oh!
(whirring louder)
(laughs)
yay! A mess!
Ooh! Can I lick
the ceiling?
(groans): Oh.
I was making that cake
for the block party today.
Now there's no choice
but to go...
Store-bought.
(humming)
(over p.A.):
I need a price check on
Gramma shortcut's
store-bought bundt cake.
(crowd gasps)
Keep it!
Let's go!
We've got some put-backs.
Roger dodger, boss.
Hey, don't turn
old man on me.
You know, I used
to be the buyer
For the whole chain--
71 stores.
You heard of the a&p?
Well, we used
to be the j&g.
? you like what you see
at the j&g ?
? they're used to be three,
but we lost the "z" and... ?
If I make out with you,
will you shut up?
Ah, give it a shot.
(moans)
You know, we used to
give out gray stamps.
Remember green stamps?
Ours was gray.
Attention block
party losers!
We are ear poison!
(electric guitar riff plays)
? there were bells
on a hill ?
? but I never
heard them ringing ?
? no, I never... ?
(gasps)
(british accent):
We must have the same recipe.
Drive to store,
buy cheap cake,
Serves them right.
Booth wilkes-john.
My wife and I
just moved here from london.
Marge simpson.
Congratulations on
little king george.
Well, marge, my wife and I
are hosting a get-to-know-you
Game night on Saturday next-- or
as you call it, next Saturday.
Ooh! Game night?
You know? Adult games.
Well, not "adult games,"
fun games, like charades--
Or as you call it,
pictionary.
It sounds like fun.
I'll just tell homer and...
Homer,
for the last time,
Do not drink
the yahtzee dice.
Fine.
(grunts)
Ooh! Doubles.
Mm, I don't know.
We have church the next morning,
starts at 11:00.
Oh, we're going
to the game night.
Moving church
to Monday afternoon.
(groans)
Well, if you change your mind,
please let us know.
We could become
"couples friends."
Now, let me try some of
ned flanders' no alarm chili.
You'll only taste
the spoon.
Brilliant.
Why don't we have
any couples friends?
(groans)
Because...
Couples friends are a myth,
Started by restaurants
with tables for four.
I want friends!
Any friends.
Okay, sweetie.
I'll call the van houtens.
Not the van houtens.
But...
They're always bragging
about their trip to rome.
It was 12 years ago,
and it was a layover.
I want new friends.
Lisa: Can I make
an observation?
I'm okay with
no friends.
It's easier to focus,
And it'll give me great material
for whatever art form I choose.
Right now,
I'm thinking long novella.
Good night.
Okay with no friends?
That's the saddest thing
I can imagine
My daughter saying to me.
Bart:
I can think of worse.
The saddest thing would be
If you were driving
and texting lisa
And you hit her.
And the last thing she
texted before she died was,
"I got your message."
Good night.
Well, they all
make good points.
Announcer:
And now, the moment of truth
On topiary wars.
This taj mahal should be
floated down the ganges.
I'm sorry, cathy.
Turn in your shears and ladders.
Come and get 'em!
(laughs maniacally)
(grunting)
Oh! Thank you.
Why was that on the
military history channel?
We're going to that game party,
And we're going to be
charming and witty.
You're not going to
eat too much,
And we're not going to
stay too late.
Marge: You will not sing
unless there's a sing-along,
And never take the tray
out of the caterer's hand.
Don't be too loud,
and don't be too quiet.
When you're too quiet,
you get that psycho look.
(jittering)
And stay in the living room.
Don't go to their kids' room
and watch a basketball game.
Can I check out
what toys they have?
No.
(groans)
Dinner party
at the neighbors'.
At least I can drink.
One drink.
Wha...?!
Walking distance, marge!
I've been looking forward
to this all week.
Duffman: Don't show your wife
this app!
Powering down!
You were charming
enough to win me,
And that day you didn't
have a drink in you.
Marge! Homer!
Mwah! Mwah!
(quietly):
Homer.
You know, I have more cheeks.
(chuckles)
I'd like you to meet
my wife wallis.
(deep voice):
How ya doin'?
Wallis has unearthed the most
delightful entertainment
To thrill us for hours on end.
It's a murder mystery,
and we're all suspects.
(crowd gasps)
Great! I've always wanted
to try and solve a crime.
(crowd gasps)
Please, everyone,
read your bio.
(gasps)
I am a humble farmer
from yorkshire.
Humble I can be!
That's the spirit!
Wallis and I have found
this game to provide
A full evening of
divertissement,
Building in suspense
to a masterful climax.
We've rented costumes
You'll find accurate to period
and conducive to character.
We will serve food and wine
Appropriate to period
and palette.
(excited murmuring)
We've programmed music
to cover every dramatic event.
Hired a foley artist.
(steady galloping)
I believe the mare
has a slight limp.
(erratic galloping)
Yes. Yes!
So, for the next three hours,
I welcome you to the moors of...
Question.
Uh, it says here
The murderer is
admiral wainsworth.
Who's that?
(crowd groaning, murmuring)
You've... You-you've given away
the game!
Well, you know...
Why you...!
(both grunting)
Thank you so much!
Now wallis will once again
withdraw into melancholia!
(monotonous):
Birth, school, work, death.
Worth, drool, shirk, breath.
Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth.
Just so you know, homer,
you were going to be
A dashing russian count
with multiple lovers!
Well, as we
say in russia,
"good-bye in russian!"
Do svidaniya!
Uh, nice night
for a walk.
(sighs)
I'd like to be alone
for a while.
You want to be
more alone?
Yes.
More?
Mm-hmm.
What the...?! D'oh!
(groaning)
That's good.
Okay, I slept on the couch
And I flipped
the sweaty cushions over.
What else can I do?
It's okay.
I mean, those people didn't even
want us at that party
In the first place.
I think it's time we learn
to live with being ostracized.
Mmm...
Don't you dare say
"ostrich eyes"!
Because... Uh...
Oh! Oh, okay, okay!
What should we do?
Nothing. I give up.
No more dinner parties.
Our whole social life
will be us watching tv
And you going to moe's.
I see.
(quietly):
Woo-hoo!
(rattles)
Well, if that's
how you think it has to be.
Yes, for us.
But not for lisa.
Never for lisa.
We're going to help
her make friends.
It might be easier with maggie.
She's always getting letters
from the day care center.
Those are
past-due bills.
They'll get
their blood money.
And lisa will get a friend.
After this,
we'll do makeovers.
(groans)
So where are
all the friends?
I don't know.
I invited everyone
that lisa's ever met.
Who are you?
Gus huebner.
I was on lisa's coed soccer team
two years ago.
Well, lisa's gonna be here
in five minutes,
And the only kid who showed up
is gus freakin' huebner.
Watch
your mouth.
(groans)
Oh, no, you're
right, homer. Abort!
Abort!
Oh, no.
I was the only chump who
showed up at this train wreck.
Well, I'm not leaving
till I get a party.
Fine, fine. Homer,
give him a party.
(the streets of san francisco
theme playing)
(homer shouts)
Gus huebner?
Is that you?
(chuckles):
I wish.
That kid can play youth soccer.
Are you guys okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm fine.
Yeah. That's...
Nothing's going on.
Right, right.
Nothing.
What's for dinner?
Pizza. Mmm.
Lots of pizza.
So, as her teacher, I was
wondering if you could tell me
Why lisa has such
trouble making friends.
Marge, this is
when I normally eat lunch.
So I'll just tell you
lisa is... Unique.
And we're done.
All right. For some reason,
Square dancing is a part
of the gym curriculum.
Now, I'm gonna open the divider
to the girls' gym,
And if you don't find a dance
partner within ten seconds,
There is something very wrong
with you!
? ?
Hmm.
(groans)
Aw.
That's tough
luck, lisa.
Looks like you're dancing
with groundskeeper willie.
Careful of your toes.
I got me cleats on!
I'll dance
with lisa.
Tumi? But you're from
the other second grade.
We only come together
for tornado drills.
(groans)
god, I hate square dancing.
It ain't gym class
if a fat kid's not crying.
Let's do this thing.
(plucking notes)
(playing lively music)
? swing your partner,
swing her hard ?
? do-si-do while I bombard ?
Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha!
? do-si-do while I bombard ?
? oh, thank god,
the clock says 3:00 ?
? 'cause I have to take a pee. ?
(school bell ringing)
Finally.
That was fun.
Yeah, it kind of was.
But I won't push it,
I promise. See ya.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um, I was going
To all sales vinyl
after school.
The vintage record store?
Yeah. You want to come with me?
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
Yes, yes, yes!
("stolen moments"
by oliver nelson playing)
(strained):
They will fit. They will fit.
(grunts)
yes!
Hmm. Nobody likes jazz
that much.
Even the guy playing it
had to take drugs.
It's so much fun
To finally have a friend
who likes the npr show
Wait wait... Don't tell me!
As much as I do.
Peter sagal: So, carl kasell,
how did the house minority whip
Do on our news quiz?
Carl kasell: Well, peter,
he got two out of three right,
So he wins me
recording his outgoing message.
Man: Oh, that's okay. Really.
No, no, no. Please don't.
Kasell:
It's not optional.
(both giggling)
See, marge?
Problems will
work themselves out
If you just
leave them alone.
Mm-hmm.
Want some more smoothie?
As long as you load up
on the kale and chia.
Oh, no one likes
veggie smoothies that much.
Or at all. Hmm.
Something's fishy
about that girl,
And I'm gonna follow her
till I find out what.
And I'm gonna
help you.
I think I'll need you back at
headquarters manning the phones.
Great. What do I say?
Just let 'em ring.
Got it!
? they smile in your face ?
? all the time they want
to take your place ?
? the backstabbers ?
? backstabbers ?
? they smile in your face ?
? all the time they want
to take your place ?
? the backstabbers ?
? backstabbers ?
? all you fellas
who have someone ?
? and you really care ?
? yeah, yeah ?
? then it's
all of you fellas... ?
? low-down, dirty. ?
What do you want?
I've got two things for you.
This envelope will
change your life
For the low, low
price of five dollars,
And I'll throw in a
piece of great advice.
Tempted?
What's the advice?
Don't open
the envelope.
(snickers)
Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick.
(gasps)
Mom paid her to be my friend?
(crying)
That's mine.
It's for my
library card.
(groans)
You don't want
to be here.
(whimpers)
neither do you!
(whimpers)
Mom, how could you pay
someone to be my friend?
Answer me!
Oh, I wouldn't say I paid
someone to be your friend.
I just gave her money
for records and ice cream.
Homer:
You gave away ice cream?!
I would've found
a friend eventually.
You couldn't wait a damn decade
until I got into college?
(crying)
Oh, lisa. Lisa, wait!
(crying)
Oh, god, oh, god.
I'm the smart parent.
I'm sorry she rejected
your "I'm sorry" cake,
But, in a way, I'm not.
I guess what I'm trying to say
is I like cake.
Marge, don't feel bad.
You did what any parent
would do.
No, I think
I went too far.
Let me tell you a little story
About a chubby unpopular boy
named homer.
Is that the boy
you named me after?
It is you,
you idiot!
Whoa.
Little homer had
A devil of a time
making friends.
No one wanted to come visit him.
So I decided to take matters
into my own hands.
I paid a couple of boys,
Lenny and carl,
to make my homer feel loved.
A relationship
I continued to this day.
You pay lenny and carl
to be my friends?!
Yes, but barney's
yours for nothing.
Aw.
Hmm.
Well, that makes me
feel better.
(lock clicks)
Lisa's door is unlocked!
Dad, is that story
really true?
(laughs)
I wouldn't pay
ten cents to a lion
To stop him
from eating you!
(groans)
Lisa, just say
something to me.
I'm gonna tell
every psychiatrist
I ever go to
what you did.
(voice breaking):
A mother's greatest fear.
(crying)
Lisa:
Wow, I made mom cry.
What unimaginable power.
I can use this
to get anything I want.
But right now, all I want
Is for mom to stop crying.
Mom, stop! Stop!
Stop. I'm sorry.
Oh...
Please stop!
(cries, snorts)
(sighs)
You're not mad anymore?
I'm fine. Fine.
It's funny, but...
Hurting your feelings
made me feel better.
Mm, try to forget that.
But when I grow up,
I'll find other weird kids,
And we will have the most
intense relationships ever.
And I'll always
love you.
Aw.
Happy mother's day.
Mother's day?!
Mother's day?! Crap!
Okay,
Initially I was just
gonna be your friend
Till I could
afford a nice belt.
But I like you, lisa,
And I want to keep
being friends with you.
Great. But from now on,
We have to be totally honest
with each other.
You're absolutely right.
I'm not really a vegetarian.
Have you ever tried horse meat?
They eat it raw in japan, and...
Shh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
What the...?!
Well, this is a no-brainer.
Woo-hoo!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
(groans)
now what?
(screams)
(marge humming)
? ?
(laughing)
? ?
(whirring)
Mom, it's not funny
If I can't hear the cats
drown in their own barf.
(screaming)
(whirring louder)
(retching continues louder)
Why can't kids still watch
captain kangaroo?!
Culture's in decline.
Deal with it.
(groans):
Oh!
(whirring louder)
(laughs)
yay! A mess!
Ooh! Can I lick
the ceiling?
(groans): Oh.
I was making that cake
for the block party today.
Now there's no choice
but to go...
Store-bought.
(humming)
(over p.A.):
I need a price check on
Gramma shortcut's
store-bought bundt cake.
(crowd gasps)
Keep it!
Let's go!
We've got some put-backs.
Roger dodger, boss.
Hey, don't turn
old man on me.
You know, I used
to be the buyer
For the whole chain--
71 stores.
You heard of the a&p?
Well, we used
to be the j&g.
? you like what you see
at the j&g ?
? they're used to be three,
but we lost the "z" and... ?
If I make out with you,
will you shut up?
Ah, give it a shot.
(moans)
You know, we used to
give out gray stamps.
Remember green stamps?
Ours was gray.
Attention block
party losers!
We are ear poison!
(electric guitar riff plays)
? there were bells
on a hill ?
? but I never
heard them ringing ?
? no, I never... ?
(gasps)
(british accent):
We must have the same recipe.
Drive to store,
buy cheap cake,
Serves them right.
Booth wilkes-john.
My wife and I
just moved here from london.
Marge simpson.
Congratulations on
little king george.
Well, marge, my wife and I
are hosting a get-to-know-you
Game night on Saturday next-- or
as you call it, next Saturday.
Ooh! Game night?
You know? Adult games.
Well, not "adult games,"
fun games, like charades--
Or as you call it,
pictionary.
It sounds like fun.
I'll just tell homer and...
Homer,
for the last time,
Do not drink
the yahtzee dice.
Fine.
(grunts)
Ooh! Doubles.
Mm, I don't know.
We have church the next morning,
starts at 11:00.
Oh, we're going
to the game night.
Moving church
to Monday afternoon.
(groans)
Well, if you change your mind,
please let us know.
We could become
"couples friends."
Now, let me try some of
ned flanders' no alarm chili.
You'll only taste
the spoon.
Brilliant.
Why don't we have
any couples friends?
(groans)
Because...
Couples friends are a myth,
Started by restaurants
with tables for four.
I want friends!
Any friends.
Okay, sweetie.
I'll call the van houtens.
Not the van houtens.
But...
They're always bragging
about their trip to rome.
It was 12 years ago,
and it was a layover.
I want new friends.
Lisa: Can I make
an observation?
I'm okay with
no friends.
It's easier to focus,
And it'll give me great material
for whatever art form I choose.
Right now,
I'm thinking long novella.
Good night.
Okay with no friends?
That's the saddest thing
I can imagine
My daughter saying to me.
Bart:
I can think of worse.
The saddest thing would be
If you were driving
and texting lisa
And you hit her.
And the last thing she
texted before she died was,
"I got your message."
Good night.
Well, they all
make good points.
Announcer:
And now, the moment of truth
On topiary wars.
This taj mahal should be
floated down the ganges.
I'm sorry, cathy.
Turn in your shears and ladders.
Come and get 'em!
(laughs maniacally)
(grunting)
Oh! Thank you.
Why was that on the
military history channel?
We're going to that game party,
And we're going to be
charming and witty.
You're not going to
eat too much,
And we're not going to
stay too late.
Marge: You will not sing
unless there's a sing-along,
And never take the tray
out of the caterer's hand.
Don't be too loud,
and don't be too quiet.
When you're too quiet,
you get that psycho look.
(jittering)
And stay in the living room.
Don't go to their kids' room
and watch a basketball game.
Can I check out
what toys they have?
No.
(groans)
Dinner party
at the neighbors'.
At least I can drink.
One drink.
Wha...?!
Walking distance, marge!
I've been looking forward
to this all week.
Duffman: Don't show your wife
this app!
Powering down!
You were charming
enough to win me,
And that day you didn't
have a drink in you.
Marge! Homer!
Mwah! Mwah!
(quietly):
Homer.
You know, I have more cheeks.
(chuckles)
I'd like you to meet
my wife wallis.
(deep voice):
How ya doin'?
Wallis has unearthed the most
delightful entertainment
To thrill us for hours on end.
It's a murder mystery,
and we're all suspects.
(crowd gasps)
Great! I've always wanted
to try and solve a crime.
(crowd gasps)
Please, everyone,
read your bio.
(gasps)
I am a humble farmer
from yorkshire.
Humble I can be!
That's the spirit!
Wallis and I have found
this game to provide
A full evening of
divertissement,
Building in suspense
to a masterful climax.
We've rented costumes
You'll find accurate to period
and conducive to character.
We will serve food and wine
Appropriate to period
and palette.
(excited murmuring)
We've programmed music
to cover every dramatic event.
Hired a foley artist.
(steady galloping)
I believe the mare
has a slight limp.
(erratic galloping)
Yes. Yes!
So, for the next three hours,
I welcome you to the moors of...
Question.
Uh, it says here
The murderer is
admiral wainsworth.
Who's that?
(crowd groaning, murmuring)
You've... You-you've given away
the game!
Well, you know...
Why you...!
(both grunting)
Thank you so much!
Now wallis will once again
withdraw into melancholia!
(monotonous):
Birth, school, work, death.
Worth, drool, shirk, breath.
Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth.
Just so you know, homer,
you were going to be
A dashing russian count
with multiple lovers!
Well, as we
say in russia,
"good-bye in russian!"
Do svidaniya!
Uh, nice night
for a walk.
(sighs)
I'd like to be alone
for a while.
You want to be
more alone?
Yes.
More?
Mm-hmm.
What the...?! D'oh!
(groaning)
That's good.
Okay, I slept on the couch
And I flipped
the sweaty cushions over.
What else can I do?
It's okay.
I mean, those people didn't even
want us at that party
In the first place.
I think it's time we learn
to live with being ostracized.
Mmm...
Don't you dare say
"ostrich eyes"!
Because... Uh...
Oh! Oh, okay, okay!
What should we do?
Nothing. I give up.
No more dinner parties.
Our whole social life
will be us watching tv
And you going to moe's.
I see.
(quietly):
Woo-hoo!
(rattles)
Well, if that's
how you think it has to be.
Yes, for us.
But not for lisa.
Never for lisa.
We're going to help
her make friends.
It might be easier with maggie.
She's always getting letters
from the day care center.
Those are
past-due bills.
They'll get
their blood money.
And lisa will get a friend.
After this,
we'll do makeovers.
(groans)
So where are
all the friends?
I don't know.
I invited everyone
that lisa's ever met.
Who are you?
Gus huebner.
I was on lisa's coed soccer team
two years ago.
Well, lisa's gonna be here
in five minutes,
And the only kid who showed up
is gus freakin' huebner.
Watch
your mouth.
(groans)
Oh, no, you're
right, homer. Abort!
Abort!
Oh, no.
I was the only chump who
showed up at this train wreck.
Well, I'm not leaving
till I get a party.
Fine, fine. Homer,
give him a party.
(the streets of san francisco
theme playing)
(homer shouts)
Gus huebner?
Is that you?
(chuckles):
I wish.
That kid can play youth soccer.
Are you guys okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm fine.
Yeah. That's...
Nothing's going on.
Right, right.
Nothing.
What's for dinner?
Pizza. Mmm.
Lots of pizza.
So, as her teacher, I was
wondering if you could tell me
Why lisa has such
trouble making friends.
Marge, this is
when I normally eat lunch.
So I'll just tell you
lisa is... Unique.
And we're done.
All right. For some reason,
Square dancing is a part
of the gym curriculum.
Now, I'm gonna open the divider
to the girls' gym,
And if you don't find a dance
partner within ten seconds,
There is something very wrong
with you!
? ?
Hmm.
(groans)
Aw.
That's tough
luck, lisa.
Looks like you're dancing
with groundskeeper willie.
Careful of your toes.
I got me cleats on!
I'll dance
with lisa.
Tumi? But you're from
the other second grade.
We only come together
for tornado drills.
(groans)
god, I hate square dancing.
It ain't gym class
if a fat kid's not crying.
Let's do this thing.
(plucking notes)
(playing lively music)
? swing your partner,
swing her hard ?
? do-si-do while I bombard ?
Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha!
? do-si-do while I bombard ?
? oh, thank god,
the clock says 3:00 ?
? 'cause I have to take a pee. ?
(school bell ringing)
Finally.
That was fun.
Yeah, it kind of was.
But I won't push it,
I promise. See ya.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um, I was going
To all sales vinyl
after school.
The vintage record store?
Yeah. You want to come with me?
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
Yes, yes, yes!
("stolen moments"
by oliver nelson playing)
(strained):
They will fit. They will fit.
(grunts)
yes!
Hmm. Nobody likes jazz
that much.
Even the guy playing it
had to take drugs.
It's so much fun
To finally have a friend
who likes the npr show
Wait wait... Don't tell me!
As much as I do.
Peter sagal: So, carl kasell,
how did the house minority whip
Do on our news quiz?
Carl kasell: Well, peter,
he got two out of three right,
So he wins me
recording his outgoing message.
Man: Oh, that's okay. Really.
No, no, no. Please don't.
Kasell:
It's not optional.
(both giggling)
See, marge?
Problems will
work themselves out
If you just
leave them alone.
Mm-hmm.
Want some more smoothie?
As long as you load up
on the kale and chia.
Oh, no one likes
veggie smoothies that much.
Or at all. Hmm.
Something's fishy
about that girl,
And I'm gonna follow her
till I find out what.
And I'm gonna
help you.
I think I'll need you back at
headquarters manning the phones.
Great. What do I say?
Just let 'em ring.
Got it!
? they smile in your face ?
? all the time they want
to take your place ?
? the backstabbers ?
? backstabbers ?
? they smile in your face ?
? all the time they want
to take your place ?
? the backstabbers ?
? backstabbers ?
? all you fellas
who have someone ?
? and you really care ?
? yeah, yeah ?
? then it's
all of you fellas... ?
? low-down, dirty. ?
What do you want?
I've got two things for you.
This envelope will
change your life
For the low, low
price of five dollars,
And I'll throw in a
piece of great advice.
Tempted?
What's the advice?
Don't open
the envelope.
(snickers)
Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick.
(gasps)
Mom paid her to be my friend?
(crying)
That's mine.
It's for my
library card.
(groans)
You don't want
to be here.
(whimpers)
neither do you!
(whimpers)
Mom, how could you pay
someone to be my friend?
Answer me!
Oh, I wouldn't say I paid
someone to be your friend.
I just gave her money
for records and ice cream.
Homer:
You gave away ice cream?!
I would've found
a friend eventually.
You couldn't wait a damn decade
until I got into college?
(crying)
Oh, lisa. Lisa, wait!
(crying)
Oh, god, oh, god.
I'm the smart parent.
I'm sorry she rejected
your "I'm sorry" cake,
But, in a way, I'm not.
I guess what I'm trying to say
is I like cake.
Marge, don't feel bad.
You did what any parent
would do.
No, I think
I went too far.
Let me tell you a little story
About a chubby unpopular boy
named homer.
Is that the boy
you named me after?
It is you,
you idiot!
Whoa.
Little homer had
A devil of a time
making friends.
No one wanted to come visit him.
So I decided to take matters
into my own hands.
I paid a couple of boys,
Lenny and carl,
to make my homer feel loved.
A relationship
I continued to this day.
You pay lenny and carl
to be my friends?!
Yes, but barney's
yours for nothing.
Aw.
Hmm.
Well, that makes me
feel better.
(lock clicks)
Lisa's door is unlocked!
Dad, is that story
really true?
(laughs)
I wouldn't pay
ten cents to a lion
To stop him
from eating you!
(groans)
Lisa, just say
something to me.
I'm gonna tell
every psychiatrist
I ever go to
what you did.
(voice breaking):
A mother's greatest fear.
(crying)
Lisa:
Wow, I made mom cry.
What unimaginable power.
I can use this
to get anything I want.
But right now, all I want
Is for mom to stop crying.
Mom, stop! Stop!
Stop. I'm sorry.
Oh...
Please stop!
(cries, snorts)
(sighs)
You're not mad anymore?
I'm fine. Fine.
It's funny, but...
Hurting your feelings
made me feel better.
Mm, try to forget that.
But when I grow up,
I'll find other weird kids,
And we will have the most
intense relationships ever.
And I'll always
love you.
Aw.
Happy mother's day.
Mother's day?!
Mother's day?! Crap!
Okay,
Initially I was just
gonna be your friend
Till I could
afford a nice belt.
But I like you, lisa,
And I want to keep
being friends with you.
Great. But from now on,
We have to be totally honest
with each other.
You're absolutely right.
I'm not really a vegetarian.
Have you ever tried horse meat?
They eat it raw in japan, and...
Shh!