The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 20 - Brick Like Me - full transcript

(snoring)
marge:
Homie! Homie, wake up!

You're having a nightmare.

Homer:
It's not selling out.
It's co-branding.

Co-branding!

Marge:
Wake up!

(homer grunting)

Oh, honey,
the best part
of every day

Is waking up
to your smiling face.

Oh...

Just like the best day
of my life was when you

(pop)
gave me your hand
in marriage.



Ooh.
(chuckles)

I'd like it back, please.

(barks)

Hey! Drop it,
you stupid dog!

That's one
of my wife's pieces!

She needs it
to reciprocate high fives!

(homer grunting)

That's okay, homie.

I'll just grab another.

Mmm...

Oh... I haven't worn this one

Since new year's.

(sizzling)

Hmm. Is it just me,
or does something seem...



Weird today?

You're right--
something is different

About the simpsons today.

Your father's wearing a tie.

Oh, that's
what's different!

That's the one
and only thing.

Maggie! Stop that!

No more playing
with your food.

Aw, they're so cute
when they're duplo.

Uh, yes, is this a toy store?

Uh-huh. I'm supposed to get
my daughter a birthday present--

Hmm, what's it called?

Here it is.
Perky patty's princess shop.

(grunts)
(groans)

Oh! I'm so sorry--
but I have an awesome excuse:

I was distracted driving.

Oh, don't worry about it.

(chuckles): Good thing
we don't feel pain.

Hey! These are
the monkey's legs!

(whimpers)

(panicked
chattering)

Come back!
I'm a clown!

I can't afford to
look ridiculous!

(school bell ringing)

Hey, bart, check out
what I brought for share day.

Bart:
Whoa! A skunk!

Who should we
stink first?

It can't spray--
it's been de-sacked.

Ew!

The gypsy skunk-seller lied!

(panicked yelling)

He went in there!

Stop it! If you pull
out those bricks,

The whole school
could collapse!

But there's a skunk
in there.

(gasps)
scottish steak!

(students groaning)

(both gasp)

You are going to rebuild
every brick of this school.

This says:
Ages 12 and up.

Age guidelines are conservative,
and everyone knows it.

And to motivate you,
some words of support

From the school chum.

Haw-haw!

Skinner:
Thank you, nelson.

(homer humming)

One perky patty's
princess shop, please.

Ah. Always good to meet
a fellow amfop.

Huh?
Adult male fan of princesses.

It's for my daughter.

Yes, yes, it's always
for the daughter.

Well, that's weird.

I feel like I've seen
this toy before.

(rumbling)

Do you like it, honey?

I love it, dad!
Thank you.

Well, have fun
putting it together.

Wait, wha... Dad, don't you
want to build it with me?

Well, there's no dad on the box.

I don't want to get in trouble.

(laughs):
Of course I do!

Mm-hmm.

Well, what do you know?

I enjoyed playing with you.

Me, too, dad.

No, no, no.
Listen to me.

We played...
And it wasn't boring.

We've played lots of times.

Of course we have!

Because you're my girl
and I love you.

But I'm letting you in
on a secret.

When parents play
with their kids,

They don't like it.

And I'm no different.
Oh.

Suddenly I can't breathe.

Every fiber of my being
screams out for a nap.

And if someone handed me
an issue of the new yorker,

(chuckles):
I would read the fiction.

I swear to god I would.

Wow. But there are millions
of parents in the world.

Surely some of them like

Playing with...
Nope, not even one.

Just look at the things
you kids like: Tea parties

With pretend food;

Hide-and-seek
with flagrant peeking;

And the most inhumane torture
ever devised by man...

(shudders)

Candy land.

Oh.
But this...

This is tolerable!

(gasping breaths)

What a crazy vision.

I was in a world where
nothing is made of bricks,

Except for toys!

Hey, read the sign.

Thank you.

(whimpering)

Marge, I'm telling you,

It was so weird.

My body was squishy,

And my hands looked like
snakes made of meat!

It was horrible!

Oh, homie, it was
probably just a mini-stroke.

You're just saying that
to make me feel better.

Whatever you saw,
it wasn't real.

That's how the world works.

Everything fits
with everything else,

And nobody
ever gets hurt.
I know.

Oh, maybe you
just need someone to...

You know, take
your mind off it?

Hm?

I always need that.

I only don't ask
because being rejected...

(breathily):
Gets old.

(homer and marge sigh)

Oh, baby, I feel
so close to you right now.

(whistling a tune)

(clinking)

(shrieks)

Hmm? Hmm?

Marge? Did you replace
our regular mirror

With a magical mirror
from a mystical salesman

At a weird store that
if we went back to find it,

It wouldn't be there anymore?

No.
(screams)

Okay, homer, get a grip.
I'm sure lots of people,

Every time they
look in the mirror,

See a hideous flesh monster.

Just a one-time thing.

(gasps)
oh, brick me!

Leave me alone!

Why don't you go back
where you came from!

I have as much right
to be here as you!

I, sir, am in
the advent calendar!

Hmm?
Apu:
December 18,

Final week! Huh?

Moe, I'm going
crazy-- I need

To kill off as many of my
brain cells as possible.

Well, I'm here to help.

(clinking)

(sputters)

What the...?
This isn't beer.

Beer is plastic circles.

How can I drink...
(shudders) this?

(mug shatters)

Did you guys see... That?

Oh, it's
getting worse!

(shrieks)

(grumbling)

Ugh! Rebuilding
the same boring old school.

I could make this place
so much cooler

If they just gave me a chance.

(yawns)

(snoring)

(sneaky chuckling)

(gasps)
what have you done to my school?

I put in a rock-climbing wall,

All the classrooms
are skate parks,

We got zip-line stairwells,
terminator gym teachers,

Your office is now
a haunted forest--

Extra ghosts--
and, if you can believe it,

Two tetherball poles.

How will children learn
if they don't feel like
they're in kid jail?

Relax. I used
all the same bricks.

Plus ralph.

Yo soy language lab.

(groans)

But I don't want
to go to church--
I'm too busy going crazy.

Come on, homie.
When I'm troubled,

I always find solace in the
airtight logic of religion.

"before the world began,

"there was only table.

"then the great constructor
scissored open bag one

"and dumped out the universe.

"then came the time
of the great sorting:

"color to color, shape to shape,
and a pile of just

"windows and doors.

"and everything was made
of eternal, unchanging

Acrylonitrile
butadiene styrene,"

Or in the common tongue,
"plastic."

But, reverend, what
if everything isn't
made of plastic?

I think there's more
to this world.

You mean like decals?

Well, the orthodox
don't use them,

But we're
a reform congregation.

No. I mean a place
where nothing snaps together

And you just
can't toss your kids

In a dishwasher to clean 'em.

(chuckles): Oh, homer,
a place like that

Could only exist in some
kind of magic rock song.

Look around-- we live
in a perfect world

Where everything fits together
and no one gets hurt.

Mustache is right.
(others agreeing)

But I'm having
all these hallucinations.

Like right now
my hands look like

They're these
weird wiggly things.

I think they have a name,
but I can't put my finger on it.

(congregation gasps)

Don't look, boys!

(pop)

Wait! You guys see them, too?

He's a freak!

Take him apart and lose
the pieces under the couch!

Well, I don't
find him disgusting.

Oh, boy, that's mushy!

Come on, marge.
We need real answers,

And there's only one
place we can get them!

Let's see, "fingers."

Come on, show me
something about fingers.

(sighs)
bad news, people.

Our religion is not true.

Sorry about that.

Really sorry.

If I'm right,

When I touch this box,
it'll trigger another memory

From some alternate
me's life.

If I don't come back
from that other place,

Tell my wife I loved her.

I'm right here.

Promise me!

(rumbling)

I can't believe all the time
I wasted playing with bart

When I could have
been playing with you.

Aw...

Our little springfield
is really turning out great.

City hall,
the weird-smelling bank,

Rehab world...

Krustyburger,
krustyburger express,

The krustyburger where
the governor got stabbed...

Oh, you two.

Hey, look what I found
in the "arts-weekend-
obituary" section

Of the paper.

Lisa (gasps):
A builders competition!

We got to enter
our mini-springfield.

We're a great team!

We're there.
I'll clear my calendar.

Hey, lenny, remember those
two surfers we were gonna fight?

Well, you're on your own.

But you're the one
who sat on their fish tacos.

Great talking to you, buddy.

(chuckles)

Lisa, lisa,
I spent all day at work

Making a duff brewery
for our mini-springfield.

I don't want to brag,
but... It really brews.

Huh? Where is she?

Okay, I got us tickets for
the 7:30 show of survival games.

I've never been
to a pg-13 movie before.

I wonder what the one
swear word will be.

What if it's...

(whispering)

(gasps)
oh, I've never
heard that one.

My grampa said it
at thanksgiving.

We usually don't hang out
with second graders,

But we saw your survival games
book report

Hanging in the hallway,
and we were very impressed.

You really understood that
the theme of the book was love.

Hey, older girls,
I'm homer simpson.

That's right. Lisa's
playtime partner and bff.

(girls groaning)

I assume lisa told you
about the pretend tiny town

She's building
with her overweight father.

Oh, yeah,
it's gonna be mucho fresh.

Come on, honey.
It's time to click some bricks.

I don't know what
he's doing up here.

He usually stays
in the basement.

It's okay, lisa.
We have dads, too.

I have three dads.

See you Friday.

Friday? But that's
when brick-stock is.

Um, actually,
Friday is the opening night

Of the new survival games movie,

And they invited me.

But this was our thing.

I know. I'm sorry,

But cool older girls
have never wanted

To hang out with me before.

One of them wears deodorant.

I don't know which one.

Oh. All right.

Thanks for understanding, dad.

What just happened?

It's not you.
Lisa's growing up.

It's a really complicated time

In a girl's life
from age eight to...

Actually,
all the rest of the way.

Oh! I finally found something
I like doing with my daughter,

And now I've lost it.

I don't fit
into her world.

This is for the tacos!

Ow!

Tacos, brah! Ow!

What did you build?

Mmm...

Oh, that's the
teenage crossbow ace

Who stole my
daughter from me.

Keendah wildwill is
a modern feminist hero--

Strong, independent
and resourceful.

She's a little...
Bustier than I remember.

My work on that front
is never done.

I wish I lived
in little springfield.

Everything fits together,
and no one ever gets hurt.

(yells)

(groans)

Comic book guy:
Okay...

Apparently, our whole world
is a fantasy in the mind

Of an emotionally-devastated
homer simpson.

One of the main questions
I have about that is, why?

The real homer fears
losing his daughter's love,

So he invented this toy world
where nothing will ever change.

How can you
be sure?

I have devoted my life

To second-rate science fiction.

Trust me, that is what
we are dealing with here.

So if I don't find
my way out of here,

I could be trapped
in a fantasy forever?

I'm afraid so.

(whooping)

I'm trapped
in a fantasy forever!

Kiss my flat plastic butt,
reality.

(giggling)

Ooh.

Daddy-daughter time
will never end!

Inventing this toy world to
live in is the smartest thing

My brain-damaged
brain ever did.

Nothing bad can
ever happen here.

Great throw, homer.

Put it in tupperware, boys.

We'll rebuild it tomorrow.

Homie, ask yourself--

Can you really live
in a paradise

If you know
it's just pretend?

Marge, who would give up
eating steak in the matrix

To go slurp goo in zion?

We don't have
that movie here.

Now lisa can never ditch
me, and I can play with her

Forever.

(sighs)

There, I finished.

All 12 of them.

I'll never build
what I want again.

Then you've learned your lesson.

Too bad I got these
for my birthday.

They always give
me the school.

(groans)

Sparkle unicorn,

Would like some more tea?

Oh, yeah, hook me up with some
more of that imaginary nectar.

I've never seen you
throw yourself

Into a tea party like this.

Before, it always seemed like
you were kind of phoning it in.

Not anymore, lisa.

I've created a perfect world

With no pg-13 movies
to take you away from me.

(sips loudly)

Ah! 'cause in a toy town,

Everything stays
shiny and wonderful,

Just the way I want it.

You'll always be
my little girl.

Maggie will always
be my giant baby.

Bart will never
move out of the house.

I'll work for mr. Burns forever.

Marge and I will never
grow old together

And live like fat cats
on social security.

Good lord,

I'll never experience

The ultimate reward
for a life well lived--

The gentle
slumber of death.

Marge, I made a
terrible mistake!

The fact that
kids grow up is

What makes time
with them special.

I think I need to go back.

I wish you'd told me that

Before I bought
all these groceries.

But I understand.

Lego marge, you're just
as cool as real marge.

Who?!
Nobody, nobody.

Plastic comic book guy,
I need to go back home.

Home? But you've discovered
the joy of living in a world

Made of toys where nothing bad
can ever happen.

But I miss
burning my mouth on pizza,

And david blaine stunts
where he could really die.

Now tell me how to
get out of here!

All you need to do
is open the box back

To your so-called reality.

But I can't let that happen.

Huh? You're the bad guy?

I thought you were
the rule-explainer guy.

As an adult who surrounds
himself with child's toys,

I represent the part
of your psyche

That prefers
this artificial world.

(rhythmic clicking,
gate clangs shut)

How did you do that?!

Because,
as the ultimate collector,

I have every play set ever made.

(creaking)
huh?

(gasps) pirates!

(whooshing, grunting)

Pajama guys!

(gasps)
I'll never get home.

Who could build something
awesome enough to save me?

Who?

Who?! Who?!

Don't you even think about it.

(whirring)

You are thinking about it,
aren't you?

(whimpering)

(loud, rhythmic thudding)

You are going back
where you came from--

Denmark.

What is that thing?

I have no idea,
but it's gonna kick his butt.

That robot is made
out of batmobile,

Hobbit hole
and spongebob play sets.

That's...
That's mis-set-genation.

(in robotic voice):
Kid power.

Bart:
Lion blast!
(whirring, rapid gunfire)

Lightsaber barf!

(click, whirring, whooshing)

Fire principal!

This is strangely exhilarating.

No. No.

(crying):
No!

I am going to enjoy playing
with this thing forever!

(bart grunting)

I'm a creative
but undisciplined builder!

(homer grunts,
comic book guy groans)

(anxious whimpering)

(magical whirring)

Good-bye, homie.

Your squishy meat family
is lucky

To have a good man like you.

Oh, baby, no matter
what the reality,

You're the best
thing in it.

Hmm. That was a
little weird, right?

(laughs)

A little bit.

(whirring)

(yelling)

Lisa:
Dad, wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, meat lisa, it's you.

Are you okay?

Oh, I had this crazy dream

Where I was in a world
made of lego bricks

And learned important lessons
about parenting.

Mmm, isn't that kind of
the plot of the...?

No. No, it's not.

It's a new plot.

Honey, what are you doing here?

I thought you were
going to your movie.

I changed my mind.

I knew how much
this meant to you.

No, no, go to the movie
with your friends.

If there's one thing
I've learned,

It's that I can't stop you
from growing up.

I love you, dad.

Me, too, little girl.

? ?

Thayson, joshuel, don't make me
pick between you two

On the night before I reenter
the struggle dome again.

We'll never stop loving you,

Even if you string
us along forever.

Forever.
Forever.

How can I choose
between two boys,

One who's dangerous
but good-looking,

The other who's strong
but super cute?

All (sighing):
Ah!

Oh, my god,
this is terrible.

When do they get
to killing the children?

Shh!

Wait a second.
You're not into this...

Shh!

She's trying
on dresses.

Oh, I just wanted to see kids
fight to the death, is all.

Shh...!

Shh!