The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 12 - Diggs - full transcript
Bart becomes friends with a schoolmate who enjoys falconry, but turns out to be mentally disturbed.
MARGE:
D'oh! Stupid fuse.
(kids groaning)
(violin music plays)
(groans)
Mmm!
Maggie?
Maggie!
Maggie?
Maggie!
Mmm!
(honking)
Mmm!
(groans, growls)
(grunts)
(honking)
(growling)
Hmm...
Maggie?
Maggie!
Hmm. Hey!
Maggie!
And it's for all
these reasons and more
that the Kingdom of Moab
is the least interesting
in the Bible.
Amen.
Amen! We're done!
Allow me to introduce
our guest speaker
(Homer groans)
from the ill-advised mission
in Indonesia,
the Reverend Kartawijaya.
(Bart groans)
I know how you feel, young man.
Huh?
The children in my village
are just like you.
One boy, named Sumadi,
never comes to church.
He is always tying
the monkeys' tails together
and yelling, "Tiger is gone,"
when, in fact, tiger is there.
Hmm!
Unfortunately,
Sumadi is sick now.
What?!
Su-Sumadi has a problem?
Sumadi and others
equally doe-eyed...
need urgent medical treatment.
After all, we are all
just children of Allah.
I mean God.
Sorry. Recent convert.
Poor Sumadi.
Born in such a
terrible country.
Now, wait a minute.
But good news.
To help him, we will now have
a second collection.
(congregation groans)
Wasn't our sympathetic
nodding enough?
Mom, can I have
some money?
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm all out.
I spent all I had lighting that
candle for Great Aunt Betty.
I hope that wasn't somebody's
Aunt Betty or something.
Dad, please?
For Sumadi?
Sorry, son,
I only have 20s.
And if God needs money,
why doesn't he just
write another Bible?
The first one sold
pretty well.
Does anyone remember
when it was considered
rude to talk in church?
Pipe down, Ned.
Please?
All right, son,
but you have to pay me back.
(sighs) Life is good.
Do you have my money?
What?
Do you have my money?
How could I?
Right, right, too soon.
Do you have my money?
(groans)
Seriously,
do you have my money?
Where's my money?
Huh?
(slurping)
Where's my money?
Where's... my...
mon... ey?
It's been a rough patch, man.
Hope you got something
to cheer me up.
Well, there is one fun fact
I've been saving
for an emergency situation.
Did you know
there really was a Duncan Hines?
Where's my money? Do you have
my money? Where is it?
You know, if you had the money,
I'm right here.
Do you have the money?
Money-money-money-money-mon...
Homer, quit
badgering the boy.
Pressure's how you make
your beloved diamonds, Marge.
I don't have any diamonds.
Quit pressuring me!
Money, money.
I need money!
Would you eat
anything for money?
I guess.
Who are you?
School play.
Damn Yankees.
Children of the playground!
I will eat anything for money!
Except money!
I'll give you a quarter
if you eat my gum.
I'll give you another
if you eat mine.
Here's some orthodontic wax!
(lisps):
And some cinnamon!
Saint-John's-wort!
And here's something
that'll make you
forget about the
other stuff.
Ay caramba.
(blubbers)
So, what else you got?
All right, Simpson.
20 big ones says you're not
messed-up enough to eat... this.
(laughs)
(whimpers)
(gasps)
No, Bart, no!
Do it, and you'll
always be known
as the kid who ate
the dead frog.
(Homer's voice):
Where's my money?
Get my money!
Money-money-money-money-money!
(disgusted exclaiming)
(slurps, kids exclaim)
Easiest money I ever...
(beeping)
Son, by rights, I should be
playing banjo at your funeral.
That frog was filled
to the gills with formaldehyde,
a highly toxic poison.
(chuckles)
Here's your money, Dad.
What?
Did you owe me some money?
And, Homer, here's
your bill for $4,000.
D'oh!
Where's my money?
You got my money?
Where's my money?
(chuckles)
Seriously,
where's my money?
Ew! It's the kid who
ate the dead frog!
Herbivore!
That's someone
who eats plants.
I named the frog Herb.
Even you won't
sit with me?
Bart, if you sit here,
I'll be the boy
who sat next to the boy
who ate the frog.
And I'm already the boy
who shared a comb with a boy
who threw up on the boy
who wet his pants
at the winter carnival.
P.S. I would've given you
the money.
(groans)
(tires screech)
(school bell rings)
(tires squeal)
What's the matter,
frog in your throat?
You're the ones
that paid me to eat it.
All we hear is:
ribbit, ribbit!
(bird shrieks)
(exclaiming)
You said this was
a simple bullying job!
Diggs and Freedom
at your service.
Diggs is short
for Digby.
Thanks. I'm the kid
that ate the frog.
Oh, so you're the reason
I had to dissect a Muppet
in biology today.
Thanks for the help, man.
Oh, you're welcome.
At least, from me.
There's no way to say
what the bird thinks.
Or even if he thinks, really.
Wait, wait, wait!
Who the hell are you?
I transferred here
a few months ago.
To this school?
On purpose?
Even after
Springfield Montessori opened
across the street?
(gentle classical music plays)
That place is
really in your face.
I like the lack
of attention.
(quietly):
Especially in here.
(door creaks softly)
This school has a falconry club?
No way.
I resuscitated it.
I'm president,
secretary treasurer
and faculty advisor.
That took a lot of
fancy paperwork.
But it was worth it
to be left alone.
Can I join?
Hmm. I'll have to
check with Freedom.
(loud clink)
Habemus Papam!
We have a poop!
It's white.
You're in.
Looks like the falconry club's
back from the dead.
Can the Esperanto
Society be far behind?
(chuckles):
I mean...
Cu la Esperanto-Societo
esti multe malantau?
(sighs) Two languages,
and somehow no one
will talk to you.
Gi estas vera.
Mi tre soleca.
Loser.
The first thing
to learn about falcons
is how beautiful
they are in flight.
(screeches)
d
Don't fret.
He'll be back.
There's my
Sky Gramma!
(mumbles)
Bart's usually first in line
for Taco Night,
but now he's muy tarde.
(quiet gasp)
Oh, is it all right
to say "tarde"?
Mmm, hey, you've said
it twice, Marge--
you're in pretty deep.
Homer!
Ten-minute rule!
Lisa!
(muffled):
What? A rule's a rule.
There he is!
(gasps)
Ah, he is just riding
that thermal!
You were right about
watching him fly.
I thought you'd get it.
Seat backs
and tray tables, Bart.
We're coming in
for a landing.
(screeches)
Wow, you don't know how
impressive that is
to a boy whose dad can't
even get the dog to sit.
Sit. Sit.
Sit...
Sit!
(yells):
Sit!
I don't know what that is,
but it's not sitting!
Where could Bart be?
I saw him heading across
the field after school
with a kid a little bit older
and undoubtedly wiser.
Oh, I know
what that means!
There comes a time when
a boy sneaks his first beer.
Finally! I was beginning
to think that kid was a...
(quietly):
teetotaler.
Bart Simpson,
at your service.
More like "at your six-pack,"
am I right?
(laughs)
It's okay if you need
to take a little nap.
Why would I want a nap?
Because you're so drunk
you can barely keep it together.
I wasn't drinking.
I was learning
that nature
isn't a complete
waste of space.
That doesn't
sound like you.
But it does sound
like the kind of lie
you'd make up after
the first time you got blitzed.
I met this kid.
A little older, kind of strange.
I don't think
other people get him.
But I just want to hang out
with him all the time.
(gasps)
It's even better
than I thought.
You've found
your Moe Szyslak!
In just a few short years,
you'll be getting
your version of baked
on your version of pot
listening to your version
of Journey.
(laughs)
Wha...?
What's he doing?
(Freedom cries)
Now, when he lands,
you'll feed him
so he has positive
associations with you.
(squawks)
Don't worry, he's only bitten
off one of my fingers.
(gasps)
(laughs)
Just goofing on you.
This is the finger he bit off.
If he starts to carry you off,
slip out of the glove.
Now tell him to fly.
Fly! Fly!
Come on, man!
Do the wing thing!
(Freedom squawking)
I did it! He did it!
We did it!
Yes, Bart, that is
how you conjugate
the verb "to do."
Well done.
d Come Saturday morning
D'oh!
d I'm going away
with my friend d
d We'll Saturday spend
d Till the end of the day...
Hey!
Bring back my bling.
d Just I and my friend
d We'll travel for miles
d In our Saturday smiles
Give that back!
All I got is a
hole in my face!
(nasally):
Uncle Krusty's back.
(Freedom cries)
Whoa! Did you teach
him to do that?
(laughs)
Nobody could
communicate that.
Except maybe
Gerard Manley Hopkins.
"I caught this morning
morning's minion
"Kingdom of daylight's dauphin,
"Dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon,
in his riding
"Of the rolling level underneath
him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon
the rein of a wimpling wing."
Wow!
(frog croaks)
I've already eaten.
Hey, you want to see
something really cool?
Is a falcon's training leash
called a creance?
Yes!
(grunts)
Say something so I'll know
you're not hurt.
I'm really hurt.
Phew!
Bartholomew!
Good to see you, old sport.
Where's Freedom?
Well, my dad said don't bring
home any more dogs, cats,
turtles or snakes,
but he never
said anything
about predatory birds.
(muffled squawk)
(fans cheering)
Okay, in your terms,
points are like mice...
(screeches)
Don't interrupt.
I just thought
it would be nice
if we shared an interest.
(Freedom screeches)
Ooh...
You Korean girls know
what a soldier likes.
(squawks)
Fine! But the game
is much more enjoyable
if you understand it.
Look, the Eagles
and the Falcons.
Tell me you're
not interested in that.
(Freedom screeches)
(groans)
I could fly, too,
if I didn't have
a wife and three kids!
Hey, you've had
a lot of visitors.
No, I signed them myself.
They're people I would've
liked to come visit.
Ay, caramba!
Listen, what happened
in that tree?
Um, you want the truth?
Of course you do.
You're like Diogenes.
But with slingshot
in place of lamp.
I wanted to fly.
I know it sounds
a little crazy now,
but I suddenly thought
maybe we can all fly,
but somehow we've forgotten
that we can.
You don't still
think that, do you?
Hey, I'm not flying anywhere
with this broken wing.
Bart, here's another doctor
that would like
a few words
with this young man.
This hospital has
another doctor?
So they're transferring him
to another hospital.
Well, I hope he gets out soon
and takes his bird back.
I don't care
for how it circles the cat.
(cat meowing)
He's just riding the thermals
from Dad's butt.
At least someone in this family
is using them.
I never heard
of this new hospital,
so I looked it up
and printed it out.
Ooh!
Can I visit him tomorrow?
(sighs)
I don't know, Bart.
This is one of those
Arkham Asylum-type hospitals.
Diggs isn't cuckoo!
Uh, listen, boy.
Maybe you should
spend more time
with your old
best friend.
You know, Dweebler.
Milhouse abandoned me.
So, why can't I go there?
Bart, if this is
what I think it is,
it's not a place we should ever,
ever take a little boy.
Then why is Diggs there?
Because it's
his home forever.
You know, Bart,
just because Diggs
is a little different
doesn't mean
he's not a good person.
What would you know
about friends like Diggs?
I have about eight of them.
So, how do we fix him?
Oh, Bart.
Diggs's problems
don't have easy fixes.
What kind of cheer-up
talk is this?
Well, sometimes it helps
to know people feel for you.
(chuckles)
Want a hug?
You hug the bedpost.
Then I hug the bedpost.
That way we never
hug each other.
d Come Saturday morning
d I'm going away...
Hey, Simpson.
I heard bird boy
got a new cage.
One with rubber bars.
Yeah, and a rubber perch!
Yeah, yeah, and a...
I get it. It sucks.
Really sucks.
Rubber birdfeeder.
Making fun of the
mentally ill--
real classy.
But you guys were...
We were what, Captain Sensitive?
The rumors of my bonkertude
have been greatly exaggerated.
DSM-5 indicates
paranoid schizophrenia,
but that work is
mired in controversy.
Mired.
I knew you'd escape!
Were you carried out
by a flock of falcons?
I got a one-day pass.
Were falcons involved
in any way?
I obtained the pass to enter the
Springfield Falconry Contest,
which is what Freedom and I
were training for
when we first met you.
Oh, great.
Before anything else,
let me just get closer
to the door and say,
"How crazy are you?"
I'm fine. My meds won't
wear off till tonight.
Then I'll have Freedom
tear you to shreds.
No offense, but when a crazy guy
pretends to be crazy,
it's not funny.
You're discounting
all talk radio.
Excellent.
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Fly, my pet, fly!
Yes!
(falcon cries)
Yes, now back to Papa.
Yes.
Why am I not surprised
the only sport you do
is one where
a bird brings you food?
Um, a falcon's greatest joy
is to serve its master.
(squawks)
Fatso!
Once again, I must point out
that you are not a parrot.
Fatso, fatso!
Pees in the shower!
(squawks)
Shut up.
What are you doing?
We're up next.
When Freedom
hits the air,
you and I open
all the cages.
Um...
with our minds?
No.
With this rope.
I'm a messed-up kid.
I'm not Magneto.
ANNOUNCER:
Diggs and Freedom.
(all squawking)
"In his ecstasy.
Then off, off forth on swing!"
Where's my bird going?
Wherever he wants.
He's free now.
If you see the stork
what brings us babies,
kill it!
Now, Bart, I'm afraid one-day
passes don't last forever.
And I'm probably not
going to get another one
for quite a while.
Wait!
Wh-When will I see you?
You can't quit
the falconry club!
It's all yours, Mr. President.
Well, I guess
some delicate birds
are safer in a cage.
I had thought of it as
a therapeutic milieu,
but now "cage" is stuck
in my head, so thanks.
And thanks for being my friend.
Bart, when I
pushed you away,
I was really pushing away
the thought of losing you.
How long did it take you
to think that up?
Two hours with the therapist.
I'll take that.
She came in
on a Saturday.
Missed her kid's
karate demonstration.
He was going up a belt.
Enough!
Mom, you didn't
cook the falcon?
Of course not.
It's just duck.
Aw.
Aw.
(munching loudly)
Pass the peas, please.
D'oh! Stupid fuse.
(kids groaning)
(violin music plays)
(groans)
Mmm!
Maggie?
Maggie!
Maggie?
Maggie!
Mmm!
(honking)
Mmm!
(groans, growls)
(grunts)
(honking)
(growling)
Hmm...
Maggie?
Maggie!
Hmm. Hey!
Maggie!
And it's for all
these reasons and more
that the Kingdom of Moab
is the least interesting
in the Bible.
Amen.
Amen! We're done!
Allow me to introduce
our guest speaker
(Homer groans)
from the ill-advised mission
in Indonesia,
the Reverend Kartawijaya.
(Bart groans)
I know how you feel, young man.
Huh?
The children in my village
are just like you.
One boy, named Sumadi,
never comes to church.
He is always tying
the monkeys' tails together
and yelling, "Tiger is gone,"
when, in fact, tiger is there.
Hmm!
Unfortunately,
Sumadi is sick now.
What?!
Su-Sumadi has a problem?
Sumadi and others
equally doe-eyed...
need urgent medical treatment.
After all, we are all
just children of Allah.
I mean God.
Sorry. Recent convert.
Poor Sumadi.
Born in such a
terrible country.
Now, wait a minute.
But good news.
To help him, we will now have
a second collection.
(congregation groans)
Wasn't our sympathetic
nodding enough?
Mom, can I have
some money?
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm all out.
I spent all I had lighting that
candle for Great Aunt Betty.
I hope that wasn't somebody's
Aunt Betty or something.
Dad, please?
For Sumadi?
Sorry, son,
I only have 20s.
And if God needs money,
why doesn't he just
write another Bible?
The first one sold
pretty well.
Does anyone remember
when it was considered
rude to talk in church?
Pipe down, Ned.
Please?
All right, son,
but you have to pay me back.
(sighs) Life is good.
Do you have my money?
What?
Do you have my money?
How could I?
Right, right, too soon.
Do you have my money?
(groans)
Seriously,
do you have my money?
Where's my money?
Huh?
(slurping)
Where's my money?
Where's... my...
mon... ey?
It's been a rough patch, man.
Hope you got something
to cheer me up.
Well, there is one fun fact
I've been saving
for an emergency situation.
Did you know
there really was a Duncan Hines?
Where's my money? Do you have
my money? Where is it?
You know, if you had the money,
I'm right here.
Do you have the money?
Money-money-money-money-mon...
Homer, quit
badgering the boy.
Pressure's how you make
your beloved diamonds, Marge.
I don't have any diamonds.
Quit pressuring me!
Money, money.
I need money!
Would you eat
anything for money?
I guess.
Who are you?
School play.
Damn Yankees.
Children of the playground!
I will eat anything for money!
Except money!
I'll give you a quarter
if you eat my gum.
I'll give you another
if you eat mine.
Here's some orthodontic wax!
(lisps):
And some cinnamon!
Saint-John's-wort!
And here's something
that'll make you
forget about the
other stuff.
Ay caramba.
(blubbers)
So, what else you got?
All right, Simpson.
20 big ones says you're not
messed-up enough to eat... this.
(laughs)
(whimpers)
(gasps)
No, Bart, no!
Do it, and you'll
always be known
as the kid who ate
the dead frog.
(Homer's voice):
Where's my money?
Get my money!
Money-money-money-money-money!
(disgusted exclaiming)
(slurps, kids exclaim)
Easiest money I ever...
(beeping)
Son, by rights, I should be
playing banjo at your funeral.
That frog was filled
to the gills with formaldehyde,
a highly toxic poison.
(chuckles)
Here's your money, Dad.
What?
Did you owe me some money?
And, Homer, here's
your bill for $4,000.
D'oh!
Where's my money?
You got my money?
Where's my money?
(chuckles)
Seriously,
where's my money?
Ew! It's the kid who
ate the dead frog!
Herbivore!
That's someone
who eats plants.
I named the frog Herb.
Even you won't
sit with me?
Bart, if you sit here,
I'll be the boy
who sat next to the boy
who ate the frog.
And I'm already the boy
who shared a comb with a boy
who threw up on the boy
who wet his pants
at the winter carnival.
P.S. I would've given you
the money.
(groans)
(tires screech)
(school bell rings)
(tires squeal)
What's the matter,
frog in your throat?
You're the ones
that paid me to eat it.
All we hear is:
ribbit, ribbit!
(bird shrieks)
(exclaiming)
You said this was
a simple bullying job!
Diggs and Freedom
at your service.
Diggs is short
for Digby.
Thanks. I'm the kid
that ate the frog.
Oh, so you're the reason
I had to dissect a Muppet
in biology today.
Thanks for the help, man.
Oh, you're welcome.
At least, from me.
There's no way to say
what the bird thinks.
Or even if he thinks, really.
Wait, wait, wait!
Who the hell are you?
I transferred here
a few months ago.
To this school?
On purpose?
Even after
Springfield Montessori opened
across the street?
(gentle classical music plays)
That place is
really in your face.
I like the lack
of attention.
(quietly):
Especially in here.
(door creaks softly)
This school has a falconry club?
No way.
I resuscitated it.
I'm president,
secretary treasurer
and faculty advisor.
That took a lot of
fancy paperwork.
But it was worth it
to be left alone.
Can I join?
Hmm. I'll have to
check with Freedom.
(loud clink)
Habemus Papam!
We have a poop!
It's white.
You're in.
Looks like the falconry club's
back from the dead.
Can the Esperanto
Society be far behind?
(chuckles):
I mean...
Cu la Esperanto-Societo
esti multe malantau?
(sighs) Two languages,
and somehow no one
will talk to you.
Gi estas vera.
Mi tre soleca.
Loser.
The first thing
to learn about falcons
is how beautiful
they are in flight.
(screeches)
d
Don't fret.
He'll be back.
There's my
Sky Gramma!
(mumbles)
Bart's usually first in line
for Taco Night,
but now he's muy tarde.
(quiet gasp)
Oh, is it all right
to say "tarde"?
Mmm, hey, you've said
it twice, Marge--
you're in pretty deep.
Homer!
Ten-minute rule!
Lisa!
(muffled):
What? A rule's a rule.
There he is!
(gasps)
Ah, he is just riding
that thermal!
You were right about
watching him fly.
I thought you'd get it.
Seat backs
and tray tables, Bart.
We're coming in
for a landing.
(screeches)
Wow, you don't know how
impressive that is
to a boy whose dad can't
even get the dog to sit.
Sit. Sit.
Sit...
Sit!
(yells):
Sit!
I don't know what that is,
but it's not sitting!
Where could Bart be?
I saw him heading across
the field after school
with a kid a little bit older
and undoubtedly wiser.
Oh, I know
what that means!
There comes a time when
a boy sneaks his first beer.
Finally! I was beginning
to think that kid was a...
(quietly):
teetotaler.
Bart Simpson,
at your service.
More like "at your six-pack,"
am I right?
(laughs)
It's okay if you need
to take a little nap.
Why would I want a nap?
Because you're so drunk
you can barely keep it together.
I wasn't drinking.
I was learning
that nature
isn't a complete
waste of space.
That doesn't
sound like you.
But it does sound
like the kind of lie
you'd make up after
the first time you got blitzed.
I met this kid.
A little older, kind of strange.
I don't think
other people get him.
But I just want to hang out
with him all the time.
(gasps)
It's even better
than I thought.
You've found
your Moe Szyslak!
In just a few short years,
you'll be getting
your version of baked
on your version of pot
listening to your version
of Journey.
(laughs)
Wha...?
What's he doing?
(Freedom cries)
Now, when he lands,
you'll feed him
so he has positive
associations with you.
(squawks)
Don't worry, he's only bitten
off one of my fingers.
(gasps)
(laughs)
Just goofing on you.
This is the finger he bit off.
If he starts to carry you off,
slip out of the glove.
Now tell him to fly.
Fly! Fly!
Come on, man!
Do the wing thing!
(Freedom squawking)
I did it! He did it!
We did it!
Yes, Bart, that is
how you conjugate
the verb "to do."
Well done.
d Come Saturday morning
D'oh!
d I'm going away
with my friend d
d We'll Saturday spend
d Till the end of the day...
Hey!
Bring back my bling.
d Just I and my friend
d We'll travel for miles
d In our Saturday smiles
Give that back!
All I got is a
hole in my face!
(nasally):
Uncle Krusty's back.
(Freedom cries)
Whoa! Did you teach
him to do that?
(laughs)
Nobody could
communicate that.
Except maybe
Gerard Manley Hopkins.
"I caught this morning
morning's minion
"Kingdom of daylight's dauphin,
"Dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon,
in his riding
"Of the rolling level underneath
him steady air, and striding
High there, how he rung upon
the rein of a wimpling wing."
Wow!
(frog croaks)
I've already eaten.
Hey, you want to see
something really cool?
Is a falcon's training leash
called a creance?
Yes!
(grunts)
Say something so I'll know
you're not hurt.
I'm really hurt.
Phew!
Bartholomew!
Good to see you, old sport.
Where's Freedom?
Well, my dad said don't bring
home any more dogs, cats,
turtles or snakes,
but he never
said anything
about predatory birds.
(muffled squawk)
(fans cheering)
Okay, in your terms,
points are like mice...
(screeches)
Don't interrupt.
I just thought
it would be nice
if we shared an interest.
(Freedom screeches)
Ooh...
You Korean girls know
what a soldier likes.
(squawks)
Fine! But the game
is much more enjoyable
if you understand it.
Look, the Eagles
and the Falcons.
Tell me you're
not interested in that.
(Freedom screeches)
(groans)
I could fly, too,
if I didn't have
a wife and three kids!
Hey, you've had
a lot of visitors.
No, I signed them myself.
They're people I would've
liked to come visit.
Ay, caramba!
Listen, what happened
in that tree?
Um, you want the truth?
Of course you do.
You're like Diogenes.
But with slingshot
in place of lamp.
I wanted to fly.
I know it sounds
a little crazy now,
but I suddenly thought
maybe we can all fly,
but somehow we've forgotten
that we can.
You don't still
think that, do you?
Hey, I'm not flying anywhere
with this broken wing.
Bart, here's another doctor
that would like
a few words
with this young man.
This hospital has
another doctor?
So they're transferring him
to another hospital.
Well, I hope he gets out soon
and takes his bird back.
I don't care
for how it circles the cat.
(cat meowing)
He's just riding the thermals
from Dad's butt.
At least someone in this family
is using them.
I never heard
of this new hospital,
so I looked it up
and printed it out.
Ooh!
Can I visit him tomorrow?
(sighs)
I don't know, Bart.
This is one of those
Arkham Asylum-type hospitals.
Diggs isn't cuckoo!
Uh, listen, boy.
Maybe you should
spend more time
with your old
best friend.
You know, Dweebler.
Milhouse abandoned me.
So, why can't I go there?
Bart, if this is
what I think it is,
it's not a place we should ever,
ever take a little boy.
Then why is Diggs there?
Because it's
his home forever.
You know, Bart,
just because Diggs
is a little different
doesn't mean
he's not a good person.
What would you know
about friends like Diggs?
I have about eight of them.
So, how do we fix him?
Oh, Bart.
Diggs's problems
don't have easy fixes.
What kind of cheer-up
talk is this?
Well, sometimes it helps
to know people feel for you.
(chuckles)
Want a hug?
You hug the bedpost.
Then I hug the bedpost.
That way we never
hug each other.
d Come Saturday morning
d I'm going away...
Hey, Simpson.
I heard bird boy
got a new cage.
One with rubber bars.
Yeah, and a rubber perch!
Yeah, yeah, and a...
I get it. It sucks.
Really sucks.
Rubber birdfeeder.
Making fun of the
mentally ill--
real classy.
But you guys were...
We were what, Captain Sensitive?
The rumors of my bonkertude
have been greatly exaggerated.
DSM-5 indicates
paranoid schizophrenia,
but that work is
mired in controversy.
Mired.
I knew you'd escape!
Were you carried out
by a flock of falcons?
I got a one-day pass.
Were falcons involved
in any way?
I obtained the pass to enter the
Springfield Falconry Contest,
which is what Freedom and I
were training for
when we first met you.
Oh, great.
Before anything else,
let me just get closer
to the door and say,
"How crazy are you?"
I'm fine. My meds won't
wear off till tonight.
Then I'll have Freedom
tear you to shreds.
No offense, but when a crazy guy
pretends to be crazy,
it's not funny.
You're discounting
all talk radio.
Excellent.
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Fly, my pet, fly!
Yes!
(falcon cries)
Yes, now back to Papa.
Yes.
Why am I not surprised
the only sport you do
is one where
a bird brings you food?
Um, a falcon's greatest joy
is to serve its master.
(squawks)
Fatso!
Once again, I must point out
that you are not a parrot.
Fatso, fatso!
Pees in the shower!
(squawks)
Shut up.
What are you doing?
We're up next.
When Freedom
hits the air,
you and I open
all the cages.
Um...
with our minds?
No.
With this rope.
I'm a messed-up kid.
I'm not Magneto.
ANNOUNCER:
Diggs and Freedom.
(all squawking)
"In his ecstasy.
Then off, off forth on swing!"
Where's my bird going?
Wherever he wants.
He's free now.
If you see the stork
what brings us babies,
kill it!
Now, Bart, I'm afraid one-day
passes don't last forever.
And I'm probably not
going to get another one
for quite a while.
Wait!
Wh-When will I see you?
You can't quit
the falconry club!
It's all yours, Mr. President.
Well, I guess
some delicate birds
are safer in a cage.
I had thought of it as
a therapeutic milieu,
but now "cage" is stuck
in my head, so thanks.
And thanks for being my friend.
Bart, when I
pushed you away,
I was really pushing away
the thought of losing you.
How long did it take you
to think that up?
Two hours with the therapist.
I'll take that.
She came in
on a Saturday.
Missed her kid's
karate demonstration.
He was going up a belt.
Enough!
Mom, you didn't
cook the falcon?
Of course not.
It's just duck.
Aw.
Aw.
(munching loudly)
Pass the peas, please.