The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 13 - The Man Who Grew Too Much - full transcript
Lisa becomes friends with Sideshow Bob, who now has a new job working with genetically-altered foods. Meanwhile, Marge becomes frustrated teaching abstinence for the church.
NARRATOR: Neptune--
eighth planet from the sun.
A mystery now, we hope
to have close-up photos
from Voyager 2
in 1989.
We do have them!
They're my home screen!
Miss Hoover, once again,
the lesson plan I prepared
would have covered
this topic much better.
But I can see...
(rumbling)
(whimpers)
Miss Hoover?
It's Tuesday, Lisa.
Taco Tuesday.
(rumbling continues)
(shudders)
Huh?
Huh?
(bell rings)
ALL:
Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!
Taco Tuesday!
(quietly chanting):
Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday...
(rumbling)
Oh, no. I'm about to become
another moppin' statistic.
There's only room
for one of us, Ethel.
(music from Titanic playing)
(kids laughing)
(grunting, yelling)
(grunting)
(crunching)
Bart, that's
your sixth taco.
You know, Whitman says,
"If anything is sacred,
the human body is sacred."
(mouth full):
Fascinating.
Congratulations, boys.
You made it through
another Taco Tuesday.
Back in the bucket
till next week.
Won't those
vegetables go bad?
Nope. They're genetically
modified to stay fresh.
Just don't ask
how old the Jell-O is.
Ew.
of the vegetables
sold in this country are
genetically modified organisms
whose effect on humans is...
unknown.
Whoa! Mom,
you made me overswipe!
Your parents' credit card
has been charged $20.
(laughs)
(gasps) I have to
get to the church.
Helen Lovejoy is posting the
spring volunteer sign-up sheet.
In five minutes, every
good task will be taken.
(tires screech)
Dang it!
Jasper Beardley!
You'll never make it!
(low mumbling)
(Marge murmuring, smacking lips)
No!
(low mumbling)
(frustrated grunt)
d
(revving engine)
Ooh... (groans)
(low mumbling)
(groans)
(mumbling)
Oh!
What the hell is this thing?
(signal light clicking)
Bake sale-- taken.
Candle snuffing-- taken.
Baby shusher,
miscellaneous choir support.
Everything's taken!
All that's left is...
Teen abstinence
counseling.
You get to pass out
abstinence pledges
and make sure the kids
sign their John Han-bleeps.
(Marge grumbles)
But, Ned, saying nay
is your thing.
Not this month.
(chuckles)
Edna signed us up
for a tango class.
It was the only way I could
avert... (sighs) wine-tasting.
Look, I'm really not comfortable
talking about S-E-X
with K-I-D-S.
Language.
Oh, it's not that hard.
Just tell them
that God wants them
to ignore everything
in their bodies
that God is making happen.
We took the pledge!
We won't have sex
until we're married!
To each other!
(both humming a tune)
Mm, their skipping lessons
are really paying off.
MARGE:
Hello. Hello.
(nervous laugh)
I'm-I'm Marge Simpson,
and I'm here to talk
about a... a-a wonderful,
beautiful thing.
Speaking of beautiful things,
tongue me, babe.
(both grunting)
(gasps)
How many of you are here
for the free cookies?
Because we've discontinued that.
(angry chatter)
I'm out of here.
Forget you!
One of our brightest
and most meddlesome students
called this meeting-- somehow--
to discuss an urgent
menu matter. Lisa?
Our school cafeteria
is serving GMOs--
genetically
modified organisms.
(people gasping)
Now, in order
to thoroughly explore the issue,
I'd like to play the first video
that came up in my Web browser
when I typed in
"GMO" plus "danger"
plus "question mark."
Hear, hear!
d
MALE NARRATOR:
If there's one thing
scientists love, it's money.
Money, money, money.
And that's been true
of scientists
ever since caveman times.
We need look no further back
than the ancient Mayans,
who crossbred
plants and animals
in an unholy experiment
in what is now a resort
that charges $30 a night
to valet park.
Once you're there,
they've gotcha.
(all gasp)
The Mayans didn't listen...
to themselves.
Yet today, we toy with our fate
by using retroviruses
to create these
so-called "super foods."
Are we doomed
to repeat an event
(snaps fingers)
that destroyed all human life?
The answer is in your mouth!
(narrator laughing maniacally)
Um, that video seemed
a little unscientific.
My name is Jenny McCarthy,
and I endorse this tirade.
Oh, my God,
it's worse than I thought.
Everybody wait here
while I do some actual research.
Nobody form any opinions
while I'm gone.
Well, hurry,
we have no minds of our own.
d
I say we do not
categorically ban
genetically modified organisms.
ALL (gasping):
What?!
Well, GMOs are
resistant to pests,
disease and drought.
It's just possible that GMOs
can actually end world hunger.
I say, let's get these GMOs
inside our children pronto!
Way ahead of you!
(people whooping, shouting)
I'm eating
the food of the future.
(robotically):
Beep, boop. What is love?
Boop, beep, boop.
Lisa, I'd like
to thank you
for mollifying
these land apes.
We'd like you and your
family to visit us
at the Monsarno
research campus.
Ooh, campus!
Do you have a statue
of the founder
I can stick
a funny hat on?
Go, go, go!
(giggling)
WOMAN:
Simpsons, we're trying
to change the world
one molecule at a time.
Sounds like that
would take a while.
Ooh, you're right.
Everyone, three
molecules at a time.
(others grumbling)
Oh, you got to
be kidding me!
(exasperated sigh)
I'll be home late, honey.
Yeah. Three molecules now.
Well, it's nice
to see for once
a corporation that does good
work and cares about people.
Yes, Lisa, we finally put to bed
the silly notion
that our company
is in any way evil.
Now, say hello to
our chief scientist.
(door creaks)
(all scream)
SIMPSONS:
Sideshow Bob!
Dr. Sideshow Bob.
Real doctor or PhD?
PhD.
All right,
I'll leave you and Bob
in this locked room
to get reacquainted.
(bolt clacks)
Simpsons,
there's no need for alarm.
That's not for
you to suck!
Now... where was I?
Right. Uh, no need to worry.
I'm still technically
shawshanking it
at Springfield Penitentiary.
This is getting boring.
Either murder us
or tell us how you got here.
Very well.
The inanity of
the vanity license plate puns
was slowly driving me mad.
So when Monsarno Labs asked
for experimental subjects,
I... gladly volunteered.
My job was to make sure
the experiments
wouldn't be too painful
for the test monkeys.
(zapping)
(screaming)
(flame whooshes)
I don't know what
we're doing here.
Uh, we'll pick it up
after lunch.
(quiet chattering)
(zapping)
(Sideshow Bob screaming)
I wrote up my results
and went from subject...
to scientist.
BART (laughs):
Look at me!
I'm Sideshow Bob!
(shrieks)
Sideshow Bob!
Foolish boy!
That's phosphoric acid!
a hole in your stomach the
size of a silver dollar.
Yakety, yakety, yak.
"The spotted hawk
accuses me,
he complains of my gab."
"I too am not a bit tamed,
I too am untranslatable."
Walt Whitman.
Leaves of Grass.
Very good.
Lisa, you always were
the one rose petal
floating atop the cesspool
that is the Simpsons.
HOMER: Well!
BART: That's mean.
(clack, creaking)
(giggles):
Oh...
If you're done, our
chief scientist has
to get back to work.
Our corn on the cob
has become self-aware.
Wait! Wait!
Won't you visit me again?
Let me show you I really am
trying to make a better world.
Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman.
And, Homer, I think
you'd enjoy the company
of the campus' lazy,
overfed squirrels.
"Overfed"? I don't
know this word.
d
(crickets chirping)
(Marge chomping, grunting)
Visit me, Lisa.
We can discuss poetry,
fine art, and...
and if we must, jazz.
Mom, can I visit
Sideshow Bob?
Why would you
want to do that?
He's tried to kill us!
You. He tried
to kill you.
And I refuse to concede
a mind that thinks
so much like mine
can be all bad.
Don't you think
the parts that aren't
evil are a little, mm...
pretentious?
Absolutely.
We're talking about Lisa, right?
Shut up!
You shut up!
This is the pinnacle
of conversation around here!
Fine, I'll
take you.
They have this
cool psych class
at the campus
I sat in on.
(whispers): Uh, that was
a sexual harassment seminar.
It doesn't matter--
I'm taking it pass-fail.
Blowing off steam
in the crafts room, Marge?
No! I'm not giving up
on reaching those kids,
and I might just have
a secret weapon.
Mm-hmm. Is it finger puppets?
Maybe!
Well, we haven't had
finger puppets in this church
since Reverend Brogan
was arrested.
But I suppose
enough time has passed.
And that's why Nancy No
is the most popular girl
in Promiseville High.
Mm. I prefer the modern thinking
of Yolanda Yes.
And I think I'd have a
shot with Mabel Maybe.
(laughter)
I'm so tired
of those kids sniggering.
Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank.
Well, Nancy knows
how to keep him away.
(material creaking)
Darn it, they're stuck.
(Marge groans)
(Marge sighs)
Um, can I take one
of those girl puppets home?
I won't do nothin' to it.
Oh!
d You say modified tomato
d I say modified tomahto
d I say engineered potato,
you say engineered potahto d
d Potato!
d Potahto!
d Tomato!
d Tomahto!
BOTH:
d Let's splice some DNA!
(laughs)
(chuckles)
That is my first
non-evil laugh in years.
Bob,
there's one thing I got to know.
Are you plotting revenge?
I don't plot revenge anymore.
It's like love.
If it happens, it happens.
Now, how about those s'mores?
(creak, whoosh)
Dad! You already ate
all the chocolate bars.
That's why I got to get
the marshmallows down fast.
(crickets chirping)
I like how they cut them down
from 140 characters
to a more manageable
20 characters.
Oh, another
seminar tomorrow.
I just wish I could connect
with those teenagers,
since it seems like
we'll never have any.
(chuckling):
Oh, Marge,
teens can't control their urges.
It's why there's never been
a teenage president.
Are you saying
I'm wasting my time?
No. I'm saying
you're wasting everyone's time.
But it's a church thing,
so that's a given.
Oh. Well, then maybe
I need to give those
kids a better example.
Good night!
Shut your eyes.
They're too bright.
Sorry.
(birds singing)
Kids, today,
we have a very special guest--
my husband.
I brought Homer here
to show that we can,
and have, abstained
for two whole days.
Two days? That's all?
That means, three days
ago, the two of you
made the blob
with two backs!
Listen, you punks,
if you can't handle the image
of our naked bodies
in the tender act of a-oo-ga,
you should never have come to
the basement of this holy place.
Ugh! He's
touching her!
They're practically
doin' it here!
Ugh!
(sexy purring)
(both moaning)
I'll sign the pledge!
Just get your fat heaving
buttocks out of my head!
Never!
(tires squeak)
All right, Bob,
you've created 5,000 patents,
so... one hour
of freedom.
But remember,
your every move will be watched
by these unarmed docents.
That block's gonna
need its own ticket.
I have a family membership.
Well, if that's
your kid, kiss it.
(groans)
Mmm.
(makes loud kissing sound)
(wheels squeaking)
What next?
Proto-Cubists?
(with French accent):
The Pointillists?
Or the alleged art of
Itchy and Scratchy?
Ooh, ooh,
I like the Impressionists.
The boy bands of the art world.
But for you, Lisa, I shall face
the Renoir with sangfroid.
Warmer. Calder.
Warmer. Warmer. Calder.
Calder. Calder!
That's using
your $300,000 M.F.A.
To the Calder mobile!
Ugh!
Bob, you saved me!
But how did you
get the strength?
Calder's work in this period
was marked by heavy use
of sheet metal painted
to look deceptively airy.
Well put.
Thank you. (laughs)
Answer the question.
Well... there is something
I should have told you.
You see, it occurred to me
that if I can genetically modify
fruits and vegetables,
why can't I modify... me?!
You've been changing your DNA?!
Well, at first,
just a peptide here and there.
Carrot for my presbyopia,
Brahma bull for strength,
and a touch of corn
for highlights on my hair.
So... how strong are you?
(wind whipping)
Figurines.
Get your porcelain figurines.
Now, how about
those Impressionists?
I... but we sang
Gershwin together!
Well, rhapsody in boo-hoo.
Do you know why we came
to the museum today?
Well, I thought it was
because it was Tote Bag Day.
Well, that was part of it,
but the biggest part was that!
Washington's backbone,
Einstein's eyebrows.
Florence Nightingale's tenacity,
though I'll have
to clip around her moral fiber.
(gasps)
You're going to take DNA
from these historical figures
and add it to your own!
I shall be the wisest
and strongest maniac
ever to bring the blessings
of dictatorship to the world!
BART:
Jig's up, Bob!
Return the spear
to the Homo erectus.
(laughing):
Homo erectus?
Where has that word been
all my life?
Now, Bart, I promised
I wouldn't hurt you.
You did that for me?
More for Mom, but yes.
But beware, I have DNA in me
from Ophiocordyceps
unilateralis,
better known as...
zombie ant fungus!
And we're scared
of that because...?
What I am saying is,
I could be tipped
into a murderous rage
by the slightest provocation.
Could you take a picture of me
with my family?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, would you take another
for safety?
Oh, I think my eyes
were shut in that one.
(groaning)
Now, can you take one
with my husband's camera?
They're all ugly
because you're in them!
Oh.
(children cry)
Taste Praxiteles of Athens!
(yelling)
(moos)
(panting)
(phone rings)
Uh, Chief, we got a report
of a disturbance at the Met.
We got bigger problems, Lou.
Horny teens who should be
out having bad sex,
but instead somebody made them
take an abstinence pledge,
by the looks of it.
I don't get it.
There are taboos
about premarital sex
in the Middle East,
and you don't see those people
getting all violent.
(panting)
(panting)
You can't escape me!
I've got grasshopper thighs
and the sonar of a killer whale!
(making whale sounds)
(loud panting)
(gasping)
Uh, Bob, you can't kill us
without a little singing, right?
A little singing?
If there's one thing
he did not have
to genetically enhance,
it's his voice.
d Non piu andrai,
farfallone amoroso... d
(tires screeching)
How dare you torture my children
with Mozart!
Ah, you know Mozart?
I call all music Mozart!
We're here to stop you
with the help of
the teenage
abstinence class!
If you defeat this madman,
I'll release you
from your pledge
and teach you other fun ways
not to get pregnant.
I think
I might be pregnant already.
Well, that's one of 'em.
(all grunting and yelling)
(groaning)
Python jaw... unhinge!
Aah!
I don't want to die in
some old dude's mouth!
(sobbing)
Bob, would you look
at yourself?!
(mumbles)
To quote Whitman,
"This is what you shall do:
"love the earth
and sun and animals,
despise riches, stand up
for the stupid and crazy..."
(mumbles)
Who am I kidding?
My only exit...
is a final one.
What?! No!
Farewell, Simpsons.
And, Lisa, when
you're older,
write an autobiographical novel
trashing the rest of them.
How veiled?
Thinly!
(wind whipping, grunting)
(chicken clucking sound)
Now, don't worry.
Your friend will always be
part of our drinking water.
(water gurgling)
Oh, right, I gave myself gills.
(water gurgling)
(groaning)
(tango music playing)
I told you, the only
dancing I like is square.
Hey, I let you pay for
those boys' skipping lessons.
Okay.
d
Ooh! Ned! Ha!
Sure do miss that laugh.
Ha, ha!
I miss her, too.
eighth planet from the sun.
A mystery now, we hope
to have close-up photos
from Voyager 2
in 1989.
We do have them!
They're my home screen!
Miss Hoover, once again,
the lesson plan I prepared
would have covered
this topic much better.
But I can see...
(rumbling)
(whimpers)
Miss Hoover?
It's Tuesday, Lisa.
Taco Tuesday.
(rumbling continues)
(shudders)
Huh?
Huh?
(bell rings)
ALL:
Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday!
Taco Tuesday!
(quietly chanting):
Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday...
(rumbling)
Oh, no. I'm about to become
another moppin' statistic.
There's only room
for one of us, Ethel.
(music from Titanic playing)
(kids laughing)
(grunting, yelling)
(grunting)
(crunching)
Bart, that's
your sixth taco.
You know, Whitman says,
"If anything is sacred,
the human body is sacred."
(mouth full):
Fascinating.
Congratulations, boys.
You made it through
another Taco Tuesday.
Back in the bucket
till next week.
Won't those
vegetables go bad?
Nope. They're genetically
modified to stay fresh.
Just don't ask
how old the Jell-O is.
Ew.
of the vegetables
sold in this country are
genetically modified organisms
whose effect on humans is...
unknown.
Whoa! Mom,
you made me overswipe!
Your parents' credit card
has been charged $20.
(laughs)
(gasps) I have to
get to the church.
Helen Lovejoy is posting the
spring volunteer sign-up sheet.
In five minutes, every
good task will be taken.
(tires screech)
Dang it!
Jasper Beardley!
You'll never make it!
(low mumbling)
(Marge murmuring, smacking lips)
No!
(low mumbling)
(frustrated grunt)
d
(revving engine)
Ooh... (groans)
(low mumbling)
(groans)
(mumbling)
Oh!
What the hell is this thing?
(signal light clicking)
Bake sale-- taken.
Candle snuffing-- taken.
Baby shusher,
miscellaneous choir support.
Everything's taken!
All that's left is...
Teen abstinence
counseling.
You get to pass out
abstinence pledges
and make sure the kids
sign their John Han-bleeps.
(Marge grumbles)
But, Ned, saying nay
is your thing.
Not this month.
(chuckles)
Edna signed us up
for a tango class.
It was the only way I could
avert... (sighs) wine-tasting.
Look, I'm really not comfortable
talking about S-E-X
with K-I-D-S.
Language.
Oh, it's not that hard.
Just tell them
that God wants them
to ignore everything
in their bodies
that God is making happen.
We took the pledge!
We won't have sex
until we're married!
To each other!
(both humming a tune)
Mm, their skipping lessons
are really paying off.
MARGE:
Hello. Hello.
(nervous laugh)
I'm-I'm Marge Simpson,
and I'm here to talk
about a... a-a wonderful,
beautiful thing.
Speaking of beautiful things,
tongue me, babe.
(both grunting)
(gasps)
How many of you are here
for the free cookies?
Because we've discontinued that.
(angry chatter)
I'm out of here.
Forget you!
One of our brightest
and most meddlesome students
called this meeting-- somehow--
to discuss an urgent
menu matter. Lisa?
Our school cafeteria
is serving GMOs--
genetically
modified organisms.
(people gasping)
Now, in order
to thoroughly explore the issue,
I'd like to play the first video
that came up in my Web browser
when I typed in
"GMO" plus "danger"
plus "question mark."
Hear, hear!
d
MALE NARRATOR:
If there's one thing
scientists love, it's money.
Money, money, money.
And that's been true
of scientists
ever since caveman times.
We need look no further back
than the ancient Mayans,
who crossbred
plants and animals
in an unholy experiment
in what is now a resort
that charges $30 a night
to valet park.
Once you're there,
they've gotcha.
(all gasp)
The Mayans didn't listen...
to themselves.
Yet today, we toy with our fate
by using retroviruses
to create these
so-called "super foods."
Are we doomed
to repeat an event
(snaps fingers)
that destroyed all human life?
The answer is in your mouth!
(narrator laughing maniacally)
Um, that video seemed
a little unscientific.
My name is Jenny McCarthy,
and I endorse this tirade.
Oh, my God,
it's worse than I thought.
Everybody wait here
while I do some actual research.
Nobody form any opinions
while I'm gone.
Well, hurry,
we have no minds of our own.
d
I say we do not
categorically ban
genetically modified organisms.
ALL (gasping):
What?!
Well, GMOs are
resistant to pests,
disease and drought.
It's just possible that GMOs
can actually end world hunger.
I say, let's get these GMOs
inside our children pronto!
Way ahead of you!
(people whooping, shouting)
I'm eating
the food of the future.
(robotically):
Beep, boop. What is love?
Boop, beep, boop.
Lisa, I'd like
to thank you
for mollifying
these land apes.
We'd like you and your
family to visit us
at the Monsarno
research campus.
Ooh, campus!
Do you have a statue
of the founder
I can stick
a funny hat on?
Go, go, go!
(giggling)
WOMAN:
Simpsons, we're trying
to change the world
one molecule at a time.
Sounds like that
would take a while.
Ooh, you're right.
Everyone, three
molecules at a time.
(others grumbling)
Oh, you got to
be kidding me!
(exasperated sigh)
I'll be home late, honey.
Yeah. Three molecules now.
Well, it's nice
to see for once
a corporation that does good
work and cares about people.
Yes, Lisa, we finally put to bed
the silly notion
that our company
is in any way evil.
Now, say hello to
our chief scientist.
(door creaks)
(all scream)
SIMPSONS:
Sideshow Bob!
Dr. Sideshow Bob.
Real doctor or PhD?
PhD.
All right,
I'll leave you and Bob
in this locked room
to get reacquainted.
(bolt clacks)
Simpsons,
there's no need for alarm.
That's not for
you to suck!
Now... where was I?
Right. Uh, no need to worry.
I'm still technically
shawshanking it
at Springfield Penitentiary.
This is getting boring.
Either murder us
or tell us how you got here.
Very well.
The inanity of
the vanity license plate puns
was slowly driving me mad.
So when Monsarno Labs asked
for experimental subjects,
I... gladly volunteered.
My job was to make sure
the experiments
wouldn't be too painful
for the test monkeys.
(zapping)
(screaming)
(flame whooshes)
I don't know what
we're doing here.
Uh, we'll pick it up
after lunch.
(quiet chattering)
(zapping)
(Sideshow Bob screaming)
I wrote up my results
and went from subject...
to scientist.
BART (laughs):
Look at me!
I'm Sideshow Bob!
(shrieks)
Sideshow Bob!
Foolish boy!
That's phosphoric acid!
a hole in your stomach the
size of a silver dollar.
Yakety, yakety, yak.
"The spotted hawk
accuses me,
he complains of my gab."
"I too am not a bit tamed,
I too am untranslatable."
Walt Whitman.
Leaves of Grass.
Very good.
Lisa, you always were
the one rose petal
floating atop the cesspool
that is the Simpsons.
HOMER: Well!
BART: That's mean.
(clack, creaking)
(giggles):
Oh...
If you're done, our
chief scientist has
to get back to work.
Our corn on the cob
has become self-aware.
Wait! Wait!
Won't you visit me again?
Let me show you I really am
trying to make a better world.
Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman.
And, Homer, I think
you'd enjoy the company
of the campus' lazy,
overfed squirrels.
"Overfed"? I don't
know this word.
d
(crickets chirping)
(Marge chomping, grunting)
Visit me, Lisa.
We can discuss poetry,
fine art, and...
and if we must, jazz.
Mom, can I visit
Sideshow Bob?
Why would you
want to do that?
He's tried to kill us!
You. He tried
to kill you.
And I refuse to concede
a mind that thinks
so much like mine
can be all bad.
Don't you think
the parts that aren't
evil are a little, mm...
pretentious?
Absolutely.
We're talking about Lisa, right?
Shut up!
You shut up!
This is the pinnacle
of conversation around here!
Fine, I'll
take you.
They have this
cool psych class
at the campus
I sat in on.
(whispers): Uh, that was
a sexual harassment seminar.
It doesn't matter--
I'm taking it pass-fail.
Blowing off steam
in the crafts room, Marge?
No! I'm not giving up
on reaching those kids,
and I might just have
a secret weapon.
Mm-hmm. Is it finger puppets?
Maybe!
Well, we haven't had
finger puppets in this church
since Reverend Brogan
was arrested.
But I suppose
enough time has passed.
And that's why Nancy No
is the most popular girl
in Promiseville High.
Mm. I prefer the modern thinking
of Yolanda Yes.
And I think I'd have a
shot with Mabel Maybe.
(laughter)
I'm so tired
of those kids sniggering.
Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank.
Well, Nancy knows
how to keep him away.
(material creaking)
Darn it, they're stuck.
(Marge groans)
(Marge sighs)
Um, can I take one
of those girl puppets home?
I won't do nothin' to it.
Oh!
d You say modified tomato
d I say modified tomahto
d I say engineered potato,
you say engineered potahto d
d Potato!
d Potahto!
d Tomato!
d Tomahto!
BOTH:
d Let's splice some DNA!
(laughs)
(chuckles)
That is my first
non-evil laugh in years.
Bob,
there's one thing I got to know.
Are you plotting revenge?
I don't plot revenge anymore.
It's like love.
If it happens, it happens.
Now, how about those s'mores?
(creak, whoosh)
Dad! You already ate
all the chocolate bars.
That's why I got to get
the marshmallows down fast.
(crickets chirping)
I like how they cut them down
from 140 characters
to a more manageable
20 characters.
Oh, another
seminar tomorrow.
I just wish I could connect
with those teenagers,
since it seems like
we'll never have any.
(chuckling):
Oh, Marge,
teens can't control their urges.
It's why there's never been
a teenage president.
Are you saying
I'm wasting my time?
No. I'm saying
you're wasting everyone's time.
But it's a church thing,
so that's a given.
Oh. Well, then maybe
I need to give those
kids a better example.
Good night!
Shut your eyes.
They're too bright.
Sorry.
(birds singing)
Kids, today,
we have a very special guest--
my husband.
I brought Homer here
to show that we can,
and have, abstained
for two whole days.
Two days? That's all?
That means, three days
ago, the two of you
made the blob
with two backs!
Listen, you punks,
if you can't handle the image
of our naked bodies
in the tender act of a-oo-ga,
you should never have come to
the basement of this holy place.
Ugh! He's
touching her!
They're practically
doin' it here!
Ugh!
(sexy purring)
(both moaning)
I'll sign the pledge!
Just get your fat heaving
buttocks out of my head!
Never!
(tires squeak)
All right, Bob,
you've created 5,000 patents,
so... one hour
of freedom.
But remember,
your every move will be watched
by these unarmed docents.
That block's gonna
need its own ticket.
I have a family membership.
Well, if that's
your kid, kiss it.
(groans)
Mmm.
(makes loud kissing sound)
(wheels squeaking)
What next?
Proto-Cubists?
(with French accent):
The Pointillists?
Or the alleged art of
Itchy and Scratchy?
Ooh, ooh,
I like the Impressionists.
The boy bands of the art world.
But for you, Lisa, I shall face
the Renoir with sangfroid.
Warmer. Calder.
Warmer. Warmer. Calder.
Calder. Calder!
That's using
your $300,000 M.F.A.
To the Calder mobile!
Ugh!
Bob, you saved me!
But how did you
get the strength?
Calder's work in this period
was marked by heavy use
of sheet metal painted
to look deceptively airy.
Well put.
Thank you. (laughs)
Answer the question.
Well... there is something
I should have told you.
You see, it occurred to me
that if I can genetically modify
fruits and vegetables,
why can't I modify... me?!
You've been changing your DNA?!
Well, at first,
just a peptide here and there.
Carrot for my presbyopia,
Brahma bull for strength,
and a touch of corn
for highlights on my hair.
So... how strong are you?
(wind whipping)
Figurines.
Get your porcelain figurines.
Now, how about
those Impressionists?
I... but we sang
Gershwin together!
Well, rhapsody in boo-hoo.
Do you know why we came
to the museum today?
Well, I thought it was
because it was Tote Bag Day.
Well, that was part of it,
but the biggest part was that!
Washington's backbone,
Einstein's eyebrows.
Florence Nightingale's tenacity,
though I'll have
to clip around her moral fiber.
(gasps)
You're going to take DNA
from these historical figures
and add it to your own!
I shall be the wisest
and strongest maniac
ever to bring the blessings
of dictatorship to the world!
BART:
Jig's up, Bob!
Return the spear
to the Homo erectus.
(laughing):
Homo erectus?
Where has that word been
all my life?
Now, Bart, I promised
I wouldn't hurt you.
You did that for me?
More for Mom, but yes.
But beware, I have DNA in me
from Ophiocordyceps
unilateralis,
better known as...
zombie ant fungus!
And we're scared
of that because...?
What I am saying is,
I could be tipped
into a murderous rage
by the slightest provocation.
Could you take a picture of me
with my family?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, would you take another
for safety?
Oh, I think my eyes
were shut in that one.
(groaning)
Now, can you take one
with my husband's camera?
They're all ugly
because you're in them!
Oh.
(children cry)
Taste Praxiteles of Athens!
(yelling)
(moos)
(panting)
(phone rings)
Uh, Chief, we got a report
of a disturbance at the Met.
We got bigger problems, Lou.
Horny teens who should be
out having bad sex,
but instead somebody made them
take an abstinence pledge,
by the looks of it.
I don't get it.
There are taboos
about premarital sex
in the Middle East,
and you don't see those people
getting all violent.
(panting)
(panting)
You can't escape me!
I've got grasshopper thighs
and the sonar of a killer whale!
(making whale sounds)
(loud panting)
(gasping)
Uh, Bob, you can't kill us
without a little singing, right?
A little singing?
If there's one thing
he did not have
to genetically enhance,
it's his voice.
d Non piu andrai,
farfallone amoroso... d
(tires screeching)
How dare you torture my children
with Mozart!
Ah, you know Mozart?
I call all music Mozart!
We're here to stop you
with the help of
the teenage
abstinence class!
If you defeat this madman,
I'll release you
from your pledge
and teach you other fun ways
not to get pregnant.
I think
I might be pregnant already.
Well, that's one of 'em.
(all grunting and yelling)
(groaning)
Python jaw... unhinge!
Aah!
I don't want to die in
some old dude's mouth!
(sobbing)
Bob, would you look
at yourself?!
(mumbles)
To quote Whitman,
"This is what you shall do:
"love the earth
and sun and animals,
despise riches, stand up
for the stupid and crazy..."
(mumbles)
Who am I kidding?
My only exit...
is a final one.
What?! No!
Farewell, Simpsons.
And, Lisa, when
you're older,
write an autobiographical novel
trashing the rest of them.
How veiled?
Thinly!
(wind whipping, grunting)
(chicken clucking sound)
Now, don't worry.
Your friend will always be
part of our drinking water.
(water gurgling)
Oh, right, I gave myself gills.
(water gurgling)
(groaning)
(tango music playing)
I told you, the only
dancing I like is square.
Hey, I let you pay for
those boys' skipping lessons.
Okay.
d
Ooh! Ned! Ha!
Sure do miss that laugh.
Ha, ha!
I miss her, too.