The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 17 - American History X-cellent - full transcript
Mr Burns is sent to prison for art theft, where a scary inmate introduces him to religion. Meanwhile Smithers becomes the boss at the plant, and Bart and Lisa try to share an ant farm.
Season 21 - Episode 17
- American History X-cellent -
NOTHIN' BUT BOOZE
HOT DOGS ARE NOT BOOKMARKS
Trad : Skualer, Strek & Polok
Synchro : Job22
Relecture : tibouch47, STSheriff
et Darkshiner, Graou - Transcript : Forom
Burns, you're coming with us.
No, no, let me go.
Surprised?
Me, C. Montgomery Burns,
locked up like an animal?
What caused this puzzling turn
of events?
Well, I'll tell you my tale...
by thinking about it to myself.
And so our Employee of the Month
is the late Roger Ducette,
who tragically died from complications
due to union organizing.
Moving on. The power plant's
first annual Fourth
of July picnic is
this coming Saturday.
Oh, I'm afraid you misunderstand.
This picnic is for me.
You will all be spending your
Independence Day slaving away
in the hot summer sun without pay,
lotion or gratitude.
Yes, "duh-ohhh," indeed.
'Cause it's summer
Summer time is here
Yes, it's summer
My time of...
Sir, your spareribs,
cooked just the way you like 'em.
Spareribs, eh?
I've played a round of tenpins
or two in my life,
and to me, the word "spare"
reeks of second best.
Give me ten full frames
of strike ribs.
And you, find my doctor
and ask him why I'd ask for something
- as insane as strike ribs.
- Yes, sir.
You know, sir,
these people have been working
since your 6:00 a.m.
parade of the flags.
Maybe you could give
them the rest of the day off
- to spend with their families?
- Yes, they should go.
Just as soon as they perform
this musical I've written
in celebration
of our nation's birth.
Grab your scripts, people.
We open in 20 minutes.
Break a leg.
I said break a leg.
For God's sake, man,
it's a figure of speech.
You're fired.
We love America.
Meh. Smithers, take my hands
and clap them sarcastically.
More sarcastic.
Burns...
what an ungrateful jerk.
We hoofed our hearts out for him
with no rehearsal.
I say Burns owes us a party.
Let's have one right now...
with his wine.
I don't know.
Technically, this is trespassing.
What's the worst thing he could do?
Hey, Lenny, you care for some Chateau
La Mondotte Saint-Emilion?
That's a regular-sized bottle.
I'm drinking Jeroboams.
I'm pounding Melchizedeks.
Homer, that's a $60,000 bottle.
I'm drinking my salary.
Yeah, but don't some
of that go to income tax?
Yeah, you're right.
The government taking
my hard-earned stolen wine
and spending it on
that no-good floor.
I hear that.
I'm getting radioactive right now.
Smithers, sound the alarum.
Summon the shire reeve.
Wake the beadle.
Okay, left hand: Rembrandt.
All right, step away
from the old masters
and kick 'em over here.
Come on.
Whoa, wait a minute, Chief.
This is The Concert by Vermeer.
Which was stolen in 1990
from Boston's
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum.
So, Burns,
do you want to explain
how this miracle of measure
and harmony got into
your collection?
Well, I... you... you see...
It's just...
Is it a crime to want nice things,
and then to steal them
from a public museum
where any gum-chewing monkey
in a Tufts University jacket
can gawk at them?
I think not!
Cuff him, Lou.
The entire town turned out
to jeer me.
Me, whose velvet breeches
their lizard lips
had so often joylessly smooched.
Throwin' stuff.
Get yer throwin' stuff.
Turn a protest into a riot.
How much for a tomato?
Fresh is a dollar,
rotten's two bucks.
Son, do you really need the rotten?
I mean, it's not like
you're actually gonna hit him.
Oh... since it's your birthday.
Mom, I'm gonna go hurl rotten fruit.
No one in this family is hurling
rotten anything at anyone.
And just what might that be?
Uh... this is my lunch.
Really?
- Okay, eat your lunch.
- But...
You said it's your lunch.
- Eat it.
- Eat my lunch?
Yes. Enjoy.
- Okay, I will.
- Bon appetit.
They continued for some time
in this vein, until...
You don't think I'm going to?
- I don't see any chewing.
- Okay.
Not air bites, real bites.
- Where are you going?
- Shopping.
Every time this town riots,
the malls are deserted.
You stay here.
I hate being stuck at home.
Play with Lisa.
Mom, you don't play with Lisa.
You play despite her.
Bart, I'm not thrilled either,
but one day we might need each
other for organ transplants,
so we'd better keep
the lines of communication open.
Want to help me with my ant farm?
You plant the ants,
and then they grow?
No, the ants are the farmers.
Really?
What are they growing?
Nothing. Look, do you want
to do it or not?
- No!
- Fine.
So ironic.
After all my years of stock jobbing,
gun running, attempted murder,
successful murder, and tom peepery,
they get me on a petty
multimillion dollar art theft.
It's so unfair.
Smithers, until I am released,
you shall be running
the nuclear plant.
Me?
Be strong, Smithers.
Be strong for the plant.
She needs you.
This would have been a perfect
time for it to start raining.
Oh, what the hell.
I'm telling this story.
Not dramatic enough.
Frostbite took his nose.
Excellent.
That prison was like a prison to me.
Not a prison of bricks and iron,
but one of steel and cement.
They took everything from me.
One movie stub from
Tillie's Punctured Romance,
envelope marked "bribe."
Empty.
Social Security card.
That's just an S.S.
card, you Dummkopf.
My only hope lay
in befriending the warden.
Now you looky here, Burns.
All your money and influence
don't mean nothin' on the inside.
Yes, but a wealthy man
can buy information,
information that can be highly
damaging to a certain warden.
Well, uh, what information
we talkin' 'bout?
Well, I'm sure the boys
at the city desk
would be interested to learn
that you're addicted to...
to...
Can't read my own writing.
But I'll tell you this, Warden,
it starts with an "H."
- Ham?
- It's clearly more than three letters.
Get him out of my sight.
Ain't nobody gonna take
my H from me.
Damn, that gas is noble.
Early one morning
The blues came fallin' down...
Early one morning
The blues came
Time for a cavity search.
I haven't had a cavity
in over 40 years.
I wasn't talking about your teeth.
Nor was I.
Meet your roommate.
Hiya, pal.
They put two harmless
white collar criminals
in the same cell. What luck, huh?
I was afraid you'd be
some tattooed bruiser.
Well, they don't turn out
too many of those at Dartmouth.
Dartmouth?! Get me away
from this hideous brute at once.
At once! Do you hear me?!
Got my master's from the University
of Virginia, the public Ivy.
Guard!
Such an intricate formicarium.
I'm the proudest myrmecologist
on the block.
Hey, they're not eating.
Don't worry.
I gave 'em a Pop-Tart.
The healthy kind...
strawberry-frosted.
Bart, that Pop-Tart wasn't
locally farmed or sourced.
Oh, Lisa, you take
the fun out of everything.
I am so glad I am not your kid.
- Well, I'm so glad I'm not your mom.
- You should be.
If I was in your tummy,
I'd poo in your throat.
Ew. Ew. Ew. I'll never get
that image out of my head.
Oh, no. You are not
taking the children.
If they're anybody's children,
they're mine.
Quick, we've got to get them back.
There's only one ant left.
I will never forgive you.
Well, I will never
forgive you, Bart.
That only angers me more!
I know.
Okay, Waylon,
you never wanted this job,
but you got it.
Damn it!
You know, this is my chance.
A chance to be the kind
of boss I want to be.
A little more...
employee-friendly.
That was a wild Christmas party.
In the next few weeks,
we'll be introducing
a medical plan that covers illness,
and a suggestion box that is no longer
a guillotine for the hand.
Yeah!
Well, I agree things
are a lot nicer around here,
but I think I speak
for many of us when I say,
- what's the catch?
- Well, the catch is,
happy workers
are productive workers.
There's always a catch!
Can I come in?
You're not going
anywhere near Annie.
- Annie?
- As in "Little Orphan"?
It was an accident,
I didn't mean to kill our ants.
Patty and Selma are dead?
A double funeral!
- Dad, before you jump to conclusions...
- Oh, please, tell me they suffered.
Looks like it's Pledge Day.
Which jailhouse fraternity
shall I join?
The Shriners?
The ROTC?
The Sunday Funnies?
Or one of these other dining clubs?
Look at them circling me
like I'm Cinderella,
belle of the ball.
Back off!
He's mine.
Warden, help me!
No can do, baby.
I'm not coming down for days!
Mr. Smithers, our lives
are awesome, thanks to you.
And because I know you...
like your loafers light,
I want to give something back.
Wip!
Use that image any way you want.
- Three cheers for Mr. Smithers!
- To Mr. Smithers!
Hooray!
Uh, listen, uh, can I leave
a little early tomorrow?
- My kid has a thing.
- Ooh, yeah, can I leave early, too?
I want to take a nap so I'm awake
for the meteor shower.
Well, I'm flexible. Go ahead.
You know, I used to think you was
just as bad as Mr. Burns.
Now, I think you're
just as good as me.
Oh, that is a huge compliment.
Uh, excuse me.
Yes, the service on
my car was excellent.
Five out of five.
Four out of five.
Five out of five.
Uh, excuse me, can I go back
and change that four out of five
to five out of five?
I'm wasting your time?
Smithers, what a marshmallow.
I don't have a thing
with my kid tomorrow.
- You told me you did.
- I do, but I'm not going to it.
To Smithers,
the world's dumbest loser.
There'nothing
sweeter than being nice
to a guy's face and then
stabbing him in the back
- the minute he walks away.
- All right, that's it.
You know, I used to wonder
why Mr. Burns hated humanity.
Now I know.
You open your heart
and they mock your very decency.
Ooh, we mo your very decency.
Man, Smithers
is working us like dogs.
Well, at least we got
the best brand ceiling insulation.
Well, at least we got
the best asbestos.
I've told you, you're mine.
And you can't escape the word
of Jesus Christ.
Burns, you shall reject Satan.
Why can't you reject your guy?
Because when I waat my lowest
facing 50 years to life,
someone handed me a book.
I couldn't read a lick,
but that picture of Jesus
gave me a comfort I've never known.
So I promised the Lord
I'd put that 50 years to use
reclaiming lost souls like you.
- Come to Jesus!
- Shan't.
Feel his power!
I've died and come back,
it's overrated.
Open your heart!
I will suck out your evil.
And now, your evil is gone!
I'm afraid thats just my pre-evil.
I feel it.
I feel the love
coursing through my vein.
Welcome to the Lord, brother.
So, that hellhole
became a Heavenhole.
I joined the prison choir.
And the the prison
Beatles' tribute band.
I raked a Zen garden
in the courtyard
and found a peace
and serenity I'd never known.
Who's carrying 50 times her weight?
- Ooh, you are.
- Bart?
She's only carrying
30 times her weight.
Our girl is slowing down.
Oh, my God.
That is so sad.
It's the nur order of things.
I'm afraid she's got another two,
maybe three days, tops.
Do we let her spend the rest
of her life in the wild?
Or let her die in captivity,
like Grampa?
Hey, in my mind I'm free.
No you're not, ya idjit!
It's official.
Smithers is now worse than Mr. Bur.
Instead of releasing hounds,
he releases Wolverines.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I wish Mr. Burns was back.
Hey, if wishes were
horses, I'd be eatin'
- wish-meat every night.
- What does that mean?
It means, it's not like
you're gonna break into
the prison and bust him out
or anything.
Oh, hey, come on.
You can't really
- be serious about breaking him out.
- It's too late to turn back, Moe.
We've exchanged meaningful looks.
No, you can still turn back. The point
of no return is the whispered huddle.
Oh, God. Oh, God!
- Burns, you're coming with us.
- No.
No, let me go.
Why would I want to leave the place
where my soul was saved?
And that's where we came in.
Now, without further ado,
here's what happened next.
But first, I'll daydream
about a sport utility vehicle,
a crispy chicken sandwich
and a wonderful blue pill.
Hold it right there!
You're not leaving with that man.
He's born again.
Been baptized in a toilet sink.
Everyone doesn't
have to know that part.
It's the specific detail that shows
the humbling you've undergone.
You don't have
a "whisper" voice, do you?
What?
Good-bye, Annie,
my eight-legged friend.
Ants have six legs, Bart.
Oh, thank God.
I thought I broke two off.
You're just a tiny ant,
but you were strong enough
to pull my brother and me together.
Now go and be free.
Look, if I leave with you,
they're just going to throw me back in.
The world has changed
since you went in.
Men of wealth
can beat the system now.
Yeah, and they've replaced
parking meters
with this thing you stick
your credit card into.
The war is over and the future won.
The past never had a chance, man.
Do you really want to leave
with these idiots?
I'm afraid so.
But I cleansed you of your evil.
I had a little left between my toes.
It quickly multiplied, and now
I'm a bigger bastard than ever.
But I must know, what was it
about me that made *u try?
Because I've killed
so many rich white men,
I thought I'd do right
by at least one.
We're not so different, you and I.
Get your skinny ass out of here.
Lollygags, slackabouts,
Captain Happys... you're all fired.
I'll do the firing around here.
Mr. Burns!
You're even more beautiful
than I remembered.
All of you, out of my office.
Farewell, friend.
Maybe you'll find another
lost lamb for your flock.
Tell me, brother, have you heard
the story of Jesus Christ?
Well, I am Italian, but no.
*******************
- American History X-cellent -
NOTHIN' BUT BOOZE
HOT DOGS ARE NOT BOOKMARKS
Trad : Skualer, Strek & Polok
Synchro : Job22
Relecture : tibouch47, STSheriff
et Darkshiner, Graou - Transcript : Forom
Burns, you're coming with us.
No, no, let me go.
Surprised?
Me, C. Montgomery Burns,
locked up like an animal?
What caused this puzzling turn
of events?
Well, I'll tell you my tale...
by thinking about it to myself.
And so our Employee of the Month
is the late Roger Ducette,
who tragically died from complications
due to union organizing.
Moving on. The power plant's
first annual Fourth
of July picnic is
this coming Saturday.
Oh, I'm afraid you misunderstand.
This picnic is for me.
You will all be spending your
Independence Day slaving away
in the hot summer sun without pay,
lotion or gratitude.
Yes, "duh-ohhh," indeed.
'Cause it's summer
Summer time is here
Yes, it's summer
My time of...
Sir, your spareribs,
cooked just the way you like 'em.
Spareribs, eh?
I've played a round of tenpins
or two in my life,
and to me, the word "spare"
reeks of second best.
Give me ten full frames
of strike ribs.
And you, find my doctor
and ask him why I'd ask for something
- as insane as strike ribs.
- Yes, sir.
You know, sir,
these people have been working
since your 6:00 a.m.
parade of the flags.
Maybe you could give
them the rest of the day off
- to spend with their families?
- Yes, they should go.
Just as soon as they perform
this musical I've written
in celebration
of our nation's birth.
Grab your scripts, people.
We open in 20 minutes.
Break a leg.
I said break a leg.
For God's sake, man,
it's a figure of speech.
You're fired.
We love America.
Meh. Smithers, take my hands
and clap them sarcastically.
More sarcastic.
Burns...
what an ungrateful jerk.
We hoofed our hearts out for him
with no rehearsal.
I say Burns owes us a party.
Let's have one right now...
with his wine.
I don't know.
Technically, this is trespassing.
What's the worst thing he could do?
Hey, Lenny, you care for some Chateau
La Mondotte Saint-Emilion?
That's a regular-sized bottle.
I'm drinking Jeroboams.
I'm pounding Melchizedeks.
Homer, that's a $60,000 bottle.
I'm drinking my salary.
Yeah, but don't some
of that go to income tax?
Yeah, you're right.
The government taking
my hard-earned stolen wine
and spending it on
that no-good floor.
I hear that.
I'm getting radioactive right now.
Smithers, sound the alarum.
Summon the shire reeve.
Wake the beadle.
Okay, left hand: Rembrandt.
All right, step away
from the old masters
and kick 'em over here.
Come on.
Whoa, wait a minute, Chief.
This is The Concert by Vermeer.
Which was stolen in 1990
from Boston's
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum.
So, Burns,
do you want to explain
how this miracle of measure
and harmony got into
your collection?
Well, I... you... you see...
It's just...
Is it a crime to want nice things,
and then to steal them
from a public museum
where any gum-chewing monkey
in a Tufts University jacket
can gawk at them?
I think not!
Cuff him, Lou.
The entire town turned out
to jeer me.
Me, whose velvet breeches
their lizard lips
had so often joylessly smooched.
Throwin' stuff.
Get yer throwin' stuff.
Turn a protest into a riot.
How much for a tomato?
Fresh is a dollar,
rotten's two bucks.
Son, do you really need the rotten?
I mean, it's not like
you're actually gonna hit him.
Oh... since it's your birthday.
Mom, I'm gonna go hurl rotten fruit.
No one in this family is hurling
rotten anything at anyone.
And just what might that be?
Uh... this is my lunch.
Really?
- Okay, eat your lunch.
- But...
You said it's your lunch.
- Eat it.
- Eat my lunch?
Yes. Enjoy.
- Okay, I will.
- Bon appetit.
They continued for some time
in this vein, until...
You don't think I'm going to?
- I don't see any chewing.
- Okay.
Not air bites, real bites.
- Where are you going?
- Shopping.
Every time this town riots,
the malls are deserted.
You stay here.
I hate being stuck at home.
Play with Lisa.
Mom, you don't play with Lisa.
You play despite her.
Bart, I'm not thrilled either,
but one day we might need each
other for organ transplants,
so we'd better keep
the lines of communication open.
Want to help me with my ant farm?
You plant the ants,
and then they grow?
No, the ants are the farmers.
Really?
What are they growing?
Nothing. Look, do you want
to do it or not?
- No!
- Fine.
So ironic.
After all my years of stock jobbing,
gun running, attempted murder,
successful murder, and tom peepery,
they get me on a petty
multimillion dollar art theft.
It's so unfair.
Smithers, until I am released,
you shall be running
the nuclear plant.
Me?
Be strong, Smithers.
Be strong for the plant.
She needs you.
This would have been a perfect
time for it to start raining.
Oh, what the hell.
I'm telling this story.
Not dramatic enough.
Frostbite took his nose.
Excellent.
That prison was like a prison to me.
Not a prison of bricks and iron,
but one of steel and cement.
They took everything from me.
One movie stub from
Tillie's Punctured Romance,
envelope marked "bribe."
Empty.
Social Security card.
That's just an S.S.
card, you Dummkopf.
My only hope lay
in befriending the warden.
Now you looky here, Burns.
All your money and influence
don't mean nothin' on the inside.
Yes, but a wealthy man
can buy information,
information that can be highly
damaging to a certain warden.
Well, uh, what information
we talkin' 'bout?
Well, I'm sure the boys
at the city desk
would be interested to learn
that you're addicted to...
to...
Can't read my own writing.
But I'll tell you this, Warden,
it starts with an "H."
- Ham?
- It's clearly more than three letters.
Get him out of my sight.
Ain't nobody gonna take
my H from me.
Damn, that gas is noble.
Early one morning
The blues came fallin' down...
Early one morning
The blues came
Time for a cavity search.
I haven't had a cavity
in over 40 years.
I wasn't talking about your teeth.
Nor was I.
Meet your roommate.
Hiya, pal.
They put two harmless
white collar criminals
in the same cell. What luck, huh?
I was afraid you'd be
some tattooed bruiser.
Well, they don't turn out
too many of those at Dartmouth.
Dartmouth?! Get me away
from this hideous brute at once.
At once! Do you hear me?!
Got my master's from the University
of Virginia, the public Ivy.
Guard!
Such an intricate formicarium.
I'm the proudest myrmecologist
on the block.
Hey, they're not eating.
Don't worry.
I gave 'em a Pop-Tart.
The healthy kind...
strawberry-frosted.
Bart, that Pop-Tart wasn't
locally farmed or sourced.
Oh, Lisa, you take
the fun out of everything.
I am so glad I am not your kid.
- Well, I'm so glad I'm not your mom.
- You should be.
If I was in your tummy,
I'd poo in your throat.
Ew. Ew. Ew. I'll never get
that image out of my head.
Oh, no. You are not
taking the children.
If they're anybody's children,
they're mine.
Quick, we've got to get them back.
There's only one ant left.
I will never forgive you.
Well, I will never
forgive you, Bart.
That only angers me more!
I know.
Okay, Waylon,
you never wanted this job,
but you got it.
Damn it!
You know, this is my chance.
A chance to be the kind
of boss I want to be.
A little more...
employee-friendly.
That was a wild Christmas party.
In the next few weeks,
we'll be introducing
a medical plan that covers illness,
and a suggestion box that is no longer
a guillotine for the hand.
Yeah!
Well, I agree things
are a lot nicer around here,
but I think I speak
for many of us when I say,
- what's the catch?
- Well, the catch is,
happy workers
are productive workers.
There's always a catch!
Can I come in?
You're not going
anywhere near Annie.
- Annie?
- As in "Little Orphan"?
It was an accident,
I didn't mean to kill our ants.
Patty and Selma are dead?
A double funeral!
- Dad, before you jump to conclusions...
- Oh, please, tell me they suffered.
Looks like it's Pledge Day.
Which jailhouse fraternity
shall I join?
The Shriners?
The ROTC?
The Sunday Funnies?
Or one of these other dining clubs?
Look at them circling me
like I'm Cinderella,
belle of the ball.
Back off!
He's mine.
Warden, help me!
No can do, baby.
I'm not coming down for days!
Mr. Smithers, our lives
are awesome, thanks to you.
And because I know you...
like your loafers light,
I want to give something back.
Wip!
Use that image any way you want.
- Three cheers for Mr. Smithers!
- To Mr. Smithers!
Hooray!
Uh, listen, uh, can I leave
a little early tomorrow?
- My kid has a thing.
- Ooh, yeah, can I leave early, too?
I want to take a nap so I'm awake
for the meteor shower.
Well, I'm flexible. Go ahead.
You know, I used to think you was
just as bad as Mr. Burns.
Now, I think you're
just as good as me.
Oh, that is a huge compliment.
Uh, excuse me.
Yes, the service on
my car was excellent.
Five out of five.
Four out of five.
Five out of five.
Uh, excuse me, can I go back
and change that four out of five
to five out of five?
I'm wasting your time?
Smithers, what a marshmallow.
I don't have a thing
with my kid tomorrow.
- You told me you did.
- I do, but I'm not going to it.
To Smithers,
the world's dumbest loser.
There'nothing
sweeter than being nice
to a guy's face and then
stabbing him in the back
- the minute he walks away.
- All right, that's it.
You know, I used to wonder
why Mr. Burns hated humanity.
Now I know.
You open your heart
and they mock your very decency.
Ooh, we mo your very decency.
Man, Smithers
is working us like dogs.
Well, at least we got
the best brand ceiling insulation.
Well, at least we got
the best asbestos.
I've told you, you're mine.
And you can't escape the word
of Jesus Christ.
Burns, you shall reject Satan.
Why can't you reject your guy?
Because when I waat my lowest
facing 50 years to life,
someone handed me a book.
I couldn't read a lick,
but that picture of Jesus
gave me a comfort I've never known.
So I promised the Lord
I'd put that 50 years to use
reclaiming lost souls like you.
- Come to Jesus!
- Shan't.
Feel his power!
I've died and come back,
it's overrated.
Open your heart!
I will suck out your evil.
And now, your evil is gone!
I'm afraid thats just my pre-evil.
I feel it.
I feel the love
coursing through my vein.
Welcome to the Lord, brother.
So, that hellhole
became a Heavenhole.
I joined the prison choir.
And the the prison
Beatles' tribute band.
I raked a Zen garden
in the courtyard
and found a peace
and serenity I'd never known.
Who's carrying 50 times her weight?
- Ooh, you are.
- Bart?
She's only carrying
30 times her weight.
Our girl is slowing down.
Oh, my God.
That is so sad.
It's the nur order of things.
I'm afraid she's got another two,
maybe three days, tops.
Do we let her spend the rest
of her life in the wild?
Or let her die in captivity,
like Grampa?
Hey, in my mind I'm free.
No you're not, ya idjit!
It's official.
Smithers is now worse than Mr. Bur.
Instead of releasing hounds,
he releases Wolverines.
I never thought I'd say this,
but I wish Mr. Burns was back.
Hey, if wishes were
horses, I'd be eatin'
- wish-meat every night.
- What does that mean?
It means, it's not like
you're gonna break into
the prison and bust him out
or anything.
Oh, hey, come on.
You can't really
- be serious about breaking him out.
- It's too late to turn back, Moe.
We've exchanged meaningful looks.
No, you can still turn back. The point
of no return is the whispered huddle.
Oh, God. Oh, God!
- Burns, you're coming with us.
- No.
No, let me go.
Why would I want to leave the place
where my soul was saved?
And that's where we came in.
Now, without further ado,
here's what happened next.
But first, I'll daydream
about a sport utility vehicle,
a crispy chicken sandwich
and a wonderful blue pill.
Hold it right there!
You're not leaving with that man.
He's born again.
Been baptized in a toilet sink.
Everyone doesn't
have to know that part.
It's the specific detail that shows
the humbling you've undergone.
You don't have
a "whisper" voice, do you?
What?
Good-bye, Annie,
my eight-legged friend.
Ants have six legs, Bart.
Oh, thank God.
I thought I broke two off.
You're just a tiny ant,
but you were strong enough
to pull my brother and me together.
Now go and be free.
Look, if I leave with you,
they're just going to throw me back in.
The world has changed
since you went in.
Men of wealth
can beat the system now.
Yeah, and they've replaced
parking meters
with this thing you stick
your credit card into.
The war is over and the future won.
The past never had a chance, man.
Do you really want to leave
with these idiots?
I'm afraid so.
But I cleansed you of your evil.
I had a little left between my toes.
It quickly multiplied, and now
I'm a bigger bastard than ever.
But I must know, what was it
about me that made *u try?
Because I've killed
so many rich white men,
I thought I'd do right
by at least one.
We're not so different, you and I.
Get your skinny ass out of here.
Lollygags, slackabouts,
Captain Happys... you're all fired.
I'll do the firing around here.
Mr. Burns!
You're even more beautiful
than I remembered.
All of you, out of my office.
Farewell, friend.
Maybe you'll find another
lost lamb for your flock.
Tell me, brother, have you heard
the story of Jesus Christ?
Well, I am Italian, but no.
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