The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 21, Episode 16 - The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed - full transcript
Ned takes the Simpsons on a pilgrimage to Israel in order to try and save Homer, but soon discovers that he may not be worth saving.
Saison 21 - ?pisode 16
- Greatest Story Ever D'Ohed -
Thank you all for coming.
Now, let's start with the words
everyone loves to hear:
"Welcome to Bible study!"
Today, my readin'
ribbon's smack-dab
in the middle of Matthew 23.
Now let us download
the holy tweet of the Lord.
Stop making this relatable.
Hey, as a youth,
if I don't hear a computer
word every couple sentences,
I am outta here.
Duly noted.
But we will make sure not
to dilute the sacred gospel.
Mousepad!
Double click! Skype!
Skype!
Matthew 23:
"Then spake Jesus to the multitude,
and to his disciples, saying..."
Hey, my bathing suit came off!
Hey, it floats!
I'll handle this.
Schnell! Schnell!
Homer Simpson.
You are the most infuriating,
Netflix DVD-burglaring,
barbecue-not-putting-out...
...man I ever met!
Hold that thought.
That man is beyond redemption.
- That might seem to be true...
- I sense a "but" coming, reverend...
Here comes the butt!
But I think you're up
to the challenge, Ned.
Oh, reverend, I've been working my Bible
to the bone trying to save that man.
You know, Ned, God has
never given up on anyone.
What about Sodom and Gomorrah?
He lovingly destroyed them.
Instead of pushing Homer away,
can't you find a way
to reach out and bring him in?
Homer?
Homer?
You know,
our Bible study group is going
to the Holy Land next month.
I'd like you and your family
to come as my guests.
Hmm, let me think...
take my family to a war zone
on a bus filled
with religious lame-os
in a country with no pork,
in a desert with no casinos...
Ooh, where...
do I...
sign up?
Homer, I can hear your sarcasm
from inside the house.
And the dishwasher's on!
What's going on here?
Mr. Flanders invited us to Israel.
I think he wants
to get dad into heaven.
Great. More hell for me.
Ned Flanders, you would take
our family to the Holy Land
just to try to make
my husband a better man?
Yep. I also want to try
something called "pita bread."
Well, we will take
you up on your offer.
But we insist
on paying our own way.
And Homer, put on some pants.
The man hates pants.
L'chaim!
Homie, just tell them
what they want to hear.
I can't!
Latkes aren't as good
as American pancakes.
They're okay with applesauce.
True enough.
A truckload of applesauce!
Eh...
YOUR AMERICAN
TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Krusty, I've been meaning to ask.
What are you doing on this tour?
I believe that every jew
should make a pilgrimage
to Israel before he dies.
Yes, it is fitting.
Don't want to end up in hell.
Jews don't believe in hell.
No hell?
Thank you, kid.
You made my day.
You're being paid
to clean the gutters!
This country's so historic.
For all we know,
Jesus could have given a talk
- in conference room C.
- Welcome, welcome!
My name is Jacob.
You may notice I speak
the english with a slight accent.
This is because,
as you have probably guessed,
I used to live in London,
and that is why
I sound like Hugh Grant.
Come on. Let's go.
We've got a lot of holy
sites to see. Yallah!
We finish early, we go to jewelry
store owned by my cousins.
No joke. Is true. Great prices.
You got to haggle.
Otherwise they don't respect you!
- Come on. Let's go!
- Do you have any safety tips?
What are you talking about?
Israel is the safest
country in the world.
The only danger
here is dehydration.
Drink water. Don't die.
Looks bad on me.
Come on. Shut your face. Let's go.
- But it says here in the brochure...
- Brochure? Brochure?
Brochure?
Who wrote your brochure?
The same schmuck who
wrote the New Testament?
I can't talk to you.
You talk to my niece, Doreet.
Doreet, talk to the stupids.
Shalom, goyem!
Shalom to you!
Shalom is the "aloha"
of this place.
Okay, okay, lady.
You done talking now?
Who is licensed tour
guide here, you or me?
Now, everybody,
we have no time to see Masada.
Everybody died there for nothing.
Okay, first stop: Old City.
Come on. Let's go.
Please shut your face!
The Old City.
Where B.C. turned into A.D.!
Let's go!
Flanders, that stuff's been
here for thousands of years.
But the breakfast
buffet at our hotel,
which is included in our package,
closes in ten minutes!
Homer, that's not why we're here.
We can see
the stations of the cross.
After we see the stations
of the omelet bar.
Okay, let's just put it to a vote.
I can't believe we lost, reverend.
These blueberry muffins are bigger
than the ones we had at Pechanga.
Finally, something you
like better than Pechanga.
Okay, everybody. Please
shut your face. Here we go.
This sacred spot on mount
Zion is king David's tomb.
Also, where your Jesus,
who was a native-born israeli,
by the way... sandals, circumcised,
perfect english accent,
the whole deal...
This is where
he had his last supper
before they took him away
and hammered him up on that cross.
Hey, you. You're not part
of the group. No listening!
Hey, is Israel.
Is free country.
Okay, that's it.
Because of him,
no armenian quarter.
Forget it. It's gone.
All thanks to Mr. Listen-for-free.
Lord, please help Homer
experience the redemptive
power of this sacred land.
He's going for the record.
He's going for the record!
Flanders, you're not
supposed to help him.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Flanders.
Homer, do you think you could show
just the slightest
bit of reverence?
Ned, I'm an american tourist.
I'm just here to see some sights,
try goofy new food
and spread some shekels with my
Carolina Panthers credit card.
Panthers!
Could you at least
turn the camera off?
If you say it like Dracula, I will.
- Homer...
- Please, please, please...
You know, Homer,
you might really benefit
from opening your heart to the
spirituality of this place.
Please, neighbor?
This really means
a lot to you, huh?
Yes, but it means more to you.
Boy, are you lousy
at reading minds.
Okay, okay.
For you, I'll try.
Lord, I think I may have
finally reached him...
Homer, quit playing that back.
I'm not. It's my ring tone.
Yello. This is he.
Yeah, I wanted to know:
do you deliver falafels
to the top of mount Zion?
Great. I'd like a large falafel
with pepperoni, sausage,
and extra cheese.
Yes, I know what a falafel is.
This, eh... everybody,
look at my face.
This is the western,
or as you say, wailing wall.
It is believed that
the Lord will grant the prayers
that are stuck into the cracks.
Please, no graffiti,
no making the pishen. Yallah.
"Dear Lord, please fix the
following parking tickets:
A647253,
SP90325,
Shelbyville 932871..."
Sad.
Sad.
Never gonna happen.
Sad.
Maybe, if you were Brad Pitt.
Hey, boy, we're supposed to be
acting religiousy. What are you up to?
Reading prayers and ignoring them,
just like God.
Hey, this one's from you.
"Dear Lord,
don't let Marge find out
the hotel leaves chocolates
on the pillows at night."
Why, you little...
"Give my dad another
heart attack?!"
Smite him like the
firstborn of Egypt.
Dead baby, dead baby, passover,
dead baby, dead baby...
Hey, why am I running from a girl?
Call me when you're old
enough for your Bat Mitzvah.
I'll bring you an
envelope full of nothin'.
- Karate!
- Krav Maga!
- Krav Ma-wha?
- Israeli karate.
Less hyah,
More hyah...
ha-mee-ha-gee!
You don't fight like a girl.
Or even a Milhouse.
I don't know what is "Milhouse."
I work security for the tour.
Dealing with American
punks like you
counts as my military service.
And we know all about you.
Ay, caramba.
Hey, is that the Ark
of the Covenant?
Karate!
Once again, Krav Maga!
Quit going for my groin!
No groin, no Krav Maga.
Hello, groin.
CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE
**
Come on, come on!
Everybody finish lemon ice...
not allowed inside.
Before us stands the Church
of the Holy Sepulchre,
believed to be the home
of the tomb of your Lord.
Or as he's known here,
"the man in the underpants."
Beautiful tachtoonim.
Oh, what abs!
He was a real good-looking one.
Nice hair. Conditioner?
I think so.
And, Lord, thank you
for letting me see
this wonderful place where
the end of the world will soon begin.
And thank you again for
the challenge of Homer Simpson.
We've all got our crosses to bear.
Me Homer, you... the cross.
And now, let me gaze with reverence
upon the holy resting place that...
Uh, wha...?
Homer, this is the most sacred spot
in christendom,
not your backyard hammock!
I'm sorry.
It's just that these
tours are so exhausting.
You're jet-lagged.
You're walking around all day.
It's so hard to sleep
knowing Marge and the kids
are all stuck in one
small room, and...
it's so nice and cool
- in the tomb of the unknown savior.
- Unknown?!
This is the tomb of the most
famous man who ever lived!
Porky Pig?!
Porky Pig's not a man!
He's a pig, and he's
not even a real pig!
But he is buried here, right?
That's it! I'm losing it!
I'm losing it!
You come all the way to Jerusalem,
the happiest place on earth,
and all the photos in your
camera are of funny soda pops?!
Oh, will you...
You are such a...
Chickpea fizz!
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Whatever.
It's your camera.
Please, you've got
to let me back in.
I sold 6,000 rolls
of wrapping paper to get here.
That's your problem.
You, my friend, are banned
from ever entering this church again.
Banned for life?
Homer, do you know
why I'm a christian?
- Your parents made you?
- It's because I believe every soul
has the possibility of salvation.
At least I thought so till now.
Homer Simpson,
you are not worth saving.
What? But I thought we'd
be neighbors in Heaven.
- Goofing on all the new dead people.
- Not...
Worth... Saving!
Ned!
Ned, wait up!
Ned's run off into the desert!
A sand horse: car of the desert!
Nothing like a tall
glass of lukewarm water
to jekyll down this hyde.
Ooh, looks like
a sandstorm's brewing.
I'll just wait it out at a movie.
Orthobot Prime,
the battle begins!
Not so fast, we can't
transform on the Sabbath!
Let us power down
and contemplate the Torah.
Flanders!
Stupid Flanders!
Oh! There's sand in my shoe, too!
Good luck surviving without me!
Thirsty,
I am so thirsty.
And hungry and horny,
but mostly just thirsty.
I am so thirsty.
Water!
DEAD SEA
Oh! So salty!
Maybe if I add a little salt.
You have been chosen, Homer.
Chosen for what, o Mighty Gherkin?
Rise and listen, my child.
Yours is a great destiny.
Pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato...
Oh, Homie, you're alive!
I am more than alive, woman.
I am the chosen one
who shall unite all the faiths
of the Holy Land!
I am...
the Messiah!
But you still have
our passports, right?
Oh, yeah.
Got to keep track of those.
The Messiah...
has the passports.
- Dad, are you okay?
- I am more than okay!
I am the Messiah,
come to save the world!
Look upon me and shudder!
I already do that.
Uh... Messiah?
Do you mind if I have
a word with your wife?
As you wish.
But look not upon her with lust,
and do not send her
friendly e-mails.
That's how it begins.
Homer is suffering
from what's called
"Jerusalem syndrome."
Ah, yes, Jerusalem syndrome:
the name given to religious
delusions or psychoses
that occur when people
visit Jerusalem.
Have you ever noticed that
dad always gets the disease
they write about in the
in-flight magazine?
Oh, my God!
Homer's gone!
What's he gonna do now?
Hmm, dad said he was going
to unite all faiths.
And only one site is sacred to muslims,
christians and jews:
The Dome of the Rock!
Dome of the Rock?
Messiah away...!
This one says "Carolina Panthers"!
Messiah says "rowrr!"
Okay, everybody, come on.
This shrine contains the rock
on which Abraham was going
to sacrifice his son.
And muslims believe something, too.
To find out,
hire a muslim tour guide.
That's a barrel of laughs.
Anyway, shut your face.
Thanks. You can stop
giving the tour now.
You don't want to do a photo with me?
You can hold my gun.
I used it in Entebbe.
I killed three ugandans.
No, thanks.
Before you go in,
you fill out comment card.
Okay.
Uh, eh, don't forget the back.
You people are so pushy.
What, israeli people are pushy?
How about you experience
a couple of genocides
and see how laid-back you are?
We were purged from Spain!
Throw out of there!
They allow everybody in Spain!
But for us, jews,
no flamenco, get out!
I'm pushy? Please.
You stay there,
surrounded by your
great enemy, Canada!
Try Syria for two months,
then we'll see who's pushy!
Attention, christians,
muslims, and jews:
I have come to gather
you into a new faith.
From now on, you shall be called...
Chrismujews.
I... I don't know.
Because when you get down to it,
aren't all religions the same?
They tell you what to eat,
when to pray,
how this imperfect
clay that we call man
can mold itself
to resemble the divine.
But we can never attain
that ultimate grace
while there is hatred in
our hearts for each other.
I did it.
I reached him.
Celebrate your commonality.
Some of us don't eat pork.
Some of us don't eat shellfish.
But all of us love chicken.
He's right!
- You can simmer it in a tagine.
- In a soup, you can boil it!
Spread the word!
Peace and chicken.
Peace and chicken!
Don't listen to this fat idiot!
I am your Messiah!
Avert your eyes
from my wrinkly arms!
Uh-oh. Got another case
of Jerusalem syndrome.
This looks like a job for...
The Messiah!
- I want the window seat!
- Krav Maga!
You can't hurt what's already dead.
I guess you can.
Homer, my friend,
of all the false messiahs today,
I think you came
closest to the truth.
Well, if I made any sense today,
it's because all the stuff
you've told me all these years
has finally seeped in.
Can I buy you a $12
turkey sandwich?
I'd like that.
How about a Greg Norman
executive putter from the skymall?
You'd probably get a better deal
at a mall back home.
They have malls on land?
Why don't you try having your people
being thrown out of Spain?!
Spain! No tapas!
I love eating tapas!
I love the tiny portions!
You don't get too full,
but you have a whole
variety of flavors!
Not for me! Every day
hummus and pita!
Occasionally, once a week,
a little bit of falafel!
Trad :
Skualler, Polok, Robot & Strex
Synchro : Job22
Relecture : Graou
Transcript : Forom
- Greatest Story Ever D'Ohed -
Thank you all for coming.
Now, let's start with the words
everyone loves to hear:
"Welcome to Bible study!"
Today, my readin'
ribbon's smack-dab
in the middle of Matthew 23.
Now let us download
the holy tweet of the Lord.
Stop making this relatable.
Hey, as a youth,
if I don't hear a computer
word every couple sentences,
I am outta here.
Duly noted.
But we will make sure not
to dilute the sacred gospel.
Mousepad!
Double click! Skype!
Skype!
Matthew 23:
"Then spake Jesus to the multitude,
and to his disciples, saying..."
Hey, my bathing suit came off!
Hey, it floats!
I'll handle this.
Schnell! Schnell!
Homer Simpson.
You are the most infuriating,
Netflix DVD-burglaring,
barbecue-not-putting-out...
...man I ever met!
Hold that thought.
That man is beyond redemption.
- That might seem to be true...
- I sense a "but" coming, reverend...
Here comes the butt!
But I think you're up
to the challenge, Ned.
Oh, reverend, I've been working my Bible
to the bone trying to save that man.
You know, Ned, God has
never given up on anyone.
What about Sodom and Gomorrah?
He lovingly destroyed them.
Instead of pushing Homer away,
can't you find a way
to reach out and bring him in?
Homer?
Homer?
You know,
our Bible study group is going
to the Holy Land next month.
I'd like you and your family
to come as my guests.
Hmm, let me think...
take my family to a war zone
on a bus filled
with religious lame-os
in a country with no pork,
in a desert with no casinos...
Ooh, where...
do I...
sign up?
Homer, I can hear your sarcasm
from inside the house.
And the dishwasher's on!
What's going on here?
Mr. Flanders invited us to Israel.
I think he wants
to get dad into heaven.
Great. More hell for me.
Ned Flanders, you would take
our family to the Holy Land
just to try to make
my husband a better man?
Yep. I also want to try
something called "pita bread."
Well, we will take
you up on your offer.
But we insist
on paying our own way.
And Homer, put on some pants.
The man hates pants.
L'chaim!
Homie, just tell them
what they want to hear.
I can't!
Latkes aren't as good
as American pancakes.
They're okay with applesauce.
True enough.
A truckload of applesauce!
Eh...
YOUR AMERICAN
TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
Krusty, I've been meaning to ask.
What are you doing on this tour?
I believe that every jew
should make a pilgrimage
to Israel before he dies.
Yes, it is fitting.
Don't want to end up in hell.
Jews don't believe in hell.
No hell?
Thank you, kid.
You made my day.
You're being paid
to clean the gutters!
This country's so historic.
For all we know,
Jesus could have given a talk
- in conference room C.
- Welcome, welcome!
My name is Jacob.
You may notice I speak
the english with a slight accent.
This is because,
as you have probably guessed,
I used to live in London,
and that is why
I sound like Hugh Grant.
Come on. Let's go.
We've got a lot of holy
sites to see. Yallah!
We finish early, we go to jewelry
store owned by my cousins.
No joke. Is true. Great prices.
You got to haggle.
Otherwise they don't respect you!
- Come on. Let's go!
- Do you have any safety tips?
What are you talking about?
Israel is the safest
country in the world.
The only danger
here is dehydration.
Drink water. Don't die.
Looks bad on me.
Come on. Shut your face. Let's go.
- But it says here in the brochure...
- Brochure? Brochure?
Brochure?
Who wrote your brochure?
The same schmuck who
wrote the New Testament?
I can't talk to you.
You talk to my niece, Doreet.
Doreet, talk to the stupids.
Shalom, goyem!
Shalom to you!
Shalom is the "aloha"
of this place.
Okay, okay, lady.
You done talking now?
Who is licensed tour
guide here, you or me?
Now, everybody,
we have no time to see Masada.
Everybody died there for nothing.
Okay, first stop: Old City.
Come on. Let's go.
Please shut your face!
The Old City.
Where B.C. turned into A.D.!
Let's go!
Flanders, that stuff's been
here for thousands of years.
But the breakfast
buffet at our hotel,
which is included in our package,
closes in ten minutes!
Homer, that's not why we're here.
We can see
the stations of the cross.
After we see the stations
of the omelet bar.
Okay, let's just put it to a vote.
I can't believe we lost, reverend.
These blueberry muffins are bigger
than the ones we had at Pechanga.
Finally, something you
like better than Pechanga.
Okay, everybody. Please
shut your face. Here we go.
This sacred spot on mount
Zion is king David's tomb.
Also, where your Jesus,
who was a native-born israeli,
by the way... sandals, circumcised,
perfect english accent,
the whole deal...
This is where
he had his last supper
before they took him away
and hammered him up on that cross.
Hey, you. You're not part
of the group. No listening!
Hey, is Israel.
Is free country.
Okay, that's it.
Because of him,
no armenian quarter.
Forget it. It's gone.
All thanks to Mr. Listen-for-free.
Lord, please help Homer
experience the redemptive
power of this sacred land.
He's going for the record.
He's going for the record!
Flanders, you're not
supposed to help him.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Flanders.
Homer, do you think you could show
just the slightest
bit of reverence?
Ned, I'm an american tourist.
I'm just here to see some sights,
try goofy new food
and spread some shekels with my
Carolina Panthers credit card.
Panthers!
Could you at least
turn the camera off?
If you say it like Dracula, I will.
- Homer...
- Please, please, please...
You know, Homer,
you might really benefit
from opening your heart to the
spirituality of this place.
Please, neighbor?
This really means
a lot to you, huh?
Yes, but it means more to you.
Boy, are you lousy
at reading minds.
Okay, okay.
For you, I'll try.
Lord, I think I may have
finally reached him...
Homer, quit playing that back.
I'm not. It's my ring tone.
Yello. This is he.
Yeah, I wanted to know:
do you deliver falafels
to the top of mount Zion?
Great. I'd like a large falafel
with pepperoni, sausage,
and extra cheese.
Yes, I know what a falafel is.
This, eh... everybody,
look at my face.
This is the western,
or as you say, wailing wall.
It is believed that
the Lord will grant the prayers
that are stuck into the cracks.
Please, no graffiti,
no making the pishen. Yallah.
"Dear Lord, please fix the
following parking tickets:
A647253,
SP90325,
Shelbyville 932871..."
Sad.
Sad.
Never gonna happen.
Sad.
Maybe, if you were Brad Pitt.
Hey, boy, we're supposed to be
acting religiousy. What are you up to?
Reading prayers and ignoring them,
just like God.
Hey, this one's from you.
"Dear Lord,
don't let Marge find out
the hotel leaves chocolates
on the pillows at night."
Why, you little...
"Give my dad another
heart attack?!"
Smite him like the
firstborn of Egypt.
Dead baby, dead baby, passover,
dead baby, dead baby...
Hey, why am I running from a girl?
Call me when you're old
enough for your Bat Mitzvah.
I'll bring you an
envelope full of nothin'.
- Karate!
- Krav Maga!
- Krav Ma-wha?
- Israeli karate.
Less hyah,
More hyah...
ha-mee-ha-gee!
You don't fight like a girl.
Or even a Milhouse.
I don't know what is "Milhouse."
I work security for the tour.
Dealing with American
punks like you
counts as my military service.
And we know all about you.
Ay, caramba.
Hey, is that the Ark
of the Covenant?
Karate!
Once again, Krav Maga!
Quit going for my groin!
No groin, no Krav Maga.
Hello, groin.
CHURCH OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE
**
Come on, come on!
Everybody finish lemon ice...
not allowed inside.
Before us stands the Church
of the Holy Sepulchre,
believed to be the home
of the tomb of your Lord.
Or as he's known here,
"the man in the underpants."
Beautiful tachtoonim.
Oh, what abs!
He was a real good-looking one.
Nice hair. Conditioner?
I think so.
And, Lord, thank you
for letting me see
this wonderful place where
the end of the world will soon begin.
And thank you again for
the challenge of Homer Simpson.
We've all got our crosses to bear.
Me Homer, you... the cross.
And now, let me gaze with reverence
upon the holy resting place that...
Uh, wha...?
Homer, this is the most sacred spot
in christendom,
not your backyard hammock!
I'm sorry.
It's just that these
tours are so exhausting.
You're jet-lagged.
You're walking around all day.
It's so hard to sleep
knowing Marge and the kids
are all stuck in one
small room, and...
it's so nice and cool
- in the tomb of the unknown savior.
- Unknown?!
This is the tomb of the most
famous man who ever lived!
Porky Pig?!
Porky Pig's not a man!
He's a pig, and he's
not even a real pig!
But he is buried here, right?
That's it! I'm losing it!
I'm losing it!
You come all the way to Jerusalem,
the happiest place on earth,
and all the photos in your
camera are of funny soda pops?!
Oh, will you...
You are such a...
Chickpea fizz!
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Whatever.
It's your camera.
Please, you've got
to let me back in.
I sold 6,000 rolls
of wrapping paper to get here.
That's your problem.
You, my friend, are banned
from ever entering this church again.
Banned for life?
Homer, do you know
why I'm a christian?
- Your parents made you?
- It's because I believe every soul
has the possibility of salvation.
At least I thought so till now.
Homer Simpson,
you are not worth saving.
What? But I thought we'd
be neighbors in Heaven.
- Goofing on all the new dead people.
- Not...
Worth... Saving!
Ned!
Ned, wait up!
Ned's run off into the desert!
A sand horse: car of the desert!
Nothing like a tall
glass of lukewarm water
to jekyll down this hyde.
Ooh, looks like
a sandstorm's brewing.
I'll just wait it out at a movie.
Orthobot Prime,
the battle begins!
Not so fast, we can't
transform on the Sabbath!
Let us power down
and contemplate the Torah.
Flanders!
Stupid Flanders!
Oh! There's sand in my shoe, too!
Good luck surviving without me!
Thirsty,
I am so thirsty.
And hungry and horny,
but mostly just thirsty.
I am so thirsty.
Water!
DEAD SEA
Oh! So salty!
Maybe if I add a little salt.
You have been chosen, Homer.
Chosen for what, o Mighty Gherkin?
Rise and listen, my child.
Yours is a great destiny.
Pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato,
pickle, carrot, tomato...
Oh, Homie, you're alive!
I am more than alive, woman.
I am the chosen one
who shall unite all the faiths
of the Holy Land!
I am...
the Messiah!
But you still have
our passports, right?
Oh, yeah.
Got to keep track of those.
The Messiah...
has the passports.
- Dad, are you okay?
- I am more than okay!
I am the Messiah,
come to save the world!
Look upon me and shudder!
I already do that.
Uh... Messiah?
Do you mind if I have
a word with your wife?
As you wish.
But look not upon her with lust,
and do not send her
friendly e-mails.
That's how it begins.
Homer is suffering
from what's called
"Jerusalem syndrome."
Ah, yes, Jerusalem syndrome:
the name given to religious
delusions or psychoses
that occur when people
visit Jerusalem.
Have you ever noticed that
dad always gets the disease
they write about in the
in-flight magazine?
Oh, my God!
Homer's gone!
What's he gonna do now?
Hmm, dad said he was going
to unite all faiths.
And only one site is sacred to muslims,
christians and jews:
The Dome of the Rock!
Dome of the Rock?
Messiah away...!
This one says "Carolina Panthers"!
Messiah says "rowrr!"
Okay, everybody, come on.
This shrine contains the rock
on which Abraham was going
to sacrifice his son.
And muslims believe something, too.
To find out,
hire a muslim tour guide.
That's a barrel of laughs.
Anyway, shut your face.
Thanks. You can stop
giving the tour now.
You don't want to do a photo with me?
You can hold my gun.
I used it in Entebbe.
I killed three ugandans.
No, thanks.
Before you go in,
you fill out comment card.
Okay.
Uh, eh, don't forget the back.
You people are so pushy.
What, israeli people are pushy?
How about you experience
a couple of genocides
and see how laid-back you are?
We were purged from Spain!
Throw out of there!
They allow everybody in Spain!
But for us, jews,
no flamenco, get out!
I'm pushy? Please.
You stay there,
surrounded by your
great enemy, Canada!
Try Syria for two months,
then we'll see who's pushy!
Attention, christians,
muslims, and jews:
I have come to gather
you into a new faith.
From now on, you shall be called...
Chrismujews.
I... I don't know.
Because when you get down to it,
aren't all religions the same?
They tell you what to eat,
when to pray,
how this imperfect
clay that we call man
can mold itself
to resemble the divine.
But we can never attain
that ultimate grace
while there is hatred in
our hearts for each other.
I did it.
I reached him.
Celebrate your commonality.
Some of us don't eat pork.
Some of us don't eat shellfish.
But all of us love chicken.
He's right!
- You can simmer it in a tagine.
- In a soup, you can boil it!
Spread the word!
Peace and chicken.
Peace and chicken!
Don't listen to this fat idiot!
I am your Messiah!
Avert your eyes
from my wrinkly arms!
Uh-oh. Got another case
of Jerusalem syndrome.
This looks like a job for...
The Messiah!
- I want the window seat!
- Krav Maga!
You can't hurt what's already dead.
I guess you can.
Homer, my friend,
of all the false messiahs today,
I think you came
closest to the truth.
Well, if I made any sense today,
it's because all the stuff
you've told me all these years
has finally seeped in.
Can I buy you a $12
turkey sandwich?
I'd like that.
How about a Greg Norman
executive putter from the skymall?
You'd probably get a better deal
at a mall back home.
They have malls on land?
Why don't you try having your people
being thrown out of Spain?!
Spain! No tapas!
I love eating tapas!
I love the tiny portions!
You don't get too full,
but you have a whole
variety of flavors!
Not for me! Every day
hummus and pita!
Occasionally, once a week,
a little bit of falafel!
Trad :
Skualler, Polok, Robot & Strex
Synchro : Job22
Relecture : Graou
Transcript : Forom