The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 20, Episode 8 - The Burns and the Bees - full transcript

Season 20 Episode 08
- The Burns and the Bees -

Sir, we're two minutes from landing
at the Billionaires' Retreat.

Ah, my favorite week
of the year.

Sophisticated financial discussions
with my fellow plutocrats.

Food fight!

Take that, Ted Turner.

In your face,
founder of Facebook.

Skinny-dip!

Yay!

Yee-haw!

Gangway!



"Men."
The room for me.

Nice prank, Simpson.

I dare you to dump that bees' nest
on those second grade babies.

Why would I want to?

Because I said, "I dare you."
Kearney, can you read it back?

"Nice prank, Simpson.
"I dare you to...

"dump that bees' nest
on those second grade babies.

"Bart: Why would I want to?
"Jimbo: Because I said,

'I dare you.'
"Kearney, can you read it back?

"Kearney, reading:
"'Nice prank, Simpson,

- I dare you to...'"
- The point is, Simpson,

a dare has been placed
on your nards.

My nards accept.

Stingamajigs!



Save yourselves!

Huh?

- Where are the bees?
- No bees?

- Dare annulled.
- Can I appeal?

Yeah, appeal to other guys,
Captain Wuss!

Other than the birth of my kid,
this is my happiest moment.

All the bees are dead.

Aye, lass.
The bees are dyin'.

And not just here.
All over the world,

from Glasgow
clear to Edinburgh.

And no one knows why.

I've lost a lot
of wee friends of late.

Willie, I didn't know
you were an apiarist.

From context, I can tell
that means beekeeper.

'Tis a tragedy, Lisa.
No man should outlive his bees.

They're stinging God now.

And the call from the SEC

was coming from inside
their own brokerage house.

Jeff Bezos wet his pants!

I did not. That was apple
juice from before.

- I fold.
- I raise a million dollars...

and to sweeten the pot,
my assistant, Smithers.

If you lose me, sir,
may I say what an honor

- it's been to...
- Bets don't talk.

They see and raise.

Well, if we're betting people,
I got a whole herd of them.

My professional basketball team:

the Austin Celtics.

Well, they're hardly worth a Smithers,
but we don't have all night.

Can you beat nine high?

Damn. Eight high.

So, I own a basketball team,
do I?

Take good care
of them, Burnsie.

Don't let the forwards mix
with the guards.

And if they're acting sluggish,

slip some steroids
into their cocaine.

Mm-hmm.

Fortune Four
lotto numbers are: nine...

- Pfft... knew it.
- seven...

- Duh.
- three...

- What?!
- and...

Boring.

Dad, we have to do something.
All the bees are dying.

Oh, no, no bees?

Ooh, now who will sting me
and walk all over my sandwiches?

But Dad,
bees pollinate flowers.

Flowers: the painted whores
of the plant world.

No bees means no honey.

Synthetic honey.

Just like you remember.

Honey?

Thank you.

D'oh!

I never dreamed the future
could be scary.

Let's go, Lisa.

We've got some worms to save.

- Bees.
- Worms, bees, ticks, fleas.

Let's go, go, go!

I'm glad you called me.

I know I'm not the first
scientist in the phone book.

That's Associate
Professor Aaron Ableman.

How I hate him.

Thundering thorax,
it's just exactly what I feared!

In there, close.

See these red dots?

This bee has been felled
by bee measles...

or, as I call it, "beasles".

Animals can get sick?

I'm going to talk
to the girl from now on.

You're the nerd.

What we need to do now is find
enough uninfected bees

to start a healthy colony.

This pheromone
should attract them.

Marry me,
and I'll support you for life.

You're not a bee!
This thing is useless.

There's one on Lisa.

Hold still, sweetie.
Daddy will kill it.

And this time, no screwups.

Stop, stop,
it's an uninfected queen!

How do we catch her
without hurting her?

Uh, unfortunately, the best method is
to allow her to sting you.

Yeah, much like that.

Now squeeze around the stinger
to keep her attached,

and a colony of bees
will soon form around your face.

Now just keep them there until
the colony is healthy and thriving.

How long is that?

Long enough that you will be known
as Springfield's crazy bee girl.

She likes the stingers.

Marge, remember when we were talking
about our worst fears?

- Uh-huh.
- Mine was snakes, and yours was...

Never being a grandmother.

Really? I thought it was Lisa
with a beard of bees.

Well, whatever...
brace yourself.

President Lincoln!

You've come back,
and you got rid of that hat.

You've got my vote.

Lisa, I don't like this at all.

It's not for long. But until they find
a suitable habitat,

this beard is the only hope
for these bees.

Relax, Mom. I'll mold them into a
shape you know and love.

Stop Milhousing your sister.

Now take it off
before they sting you.

Actually, bees rarely sting
when they're in a cluster.

They only attack
to defend their hive.

I don't know.
All it takes is one troubled loner.

Please let me keep them
for just a little longer.

Okay.
One night.

So, let's see how my burly-bottomed
ball handlers are faring.

Smithers, we're leading
two to nothing.

Run out the clock, boys.
Run out the clock.

Oh, yeah, three points!

Big three in the Big D
for the Big C.

Mark Cuban...
that's me.

Who is that man,

and why isn't his enthusiasm
being punished?

That's Mark Cuban, sir.

He's the most flamboyant
owner in the league.

I'm out of my mind!

How odd.

His money seems to have
bought him happiness.

I'd like to meet him,
Smithers.

So, you made your money
in nuclear power?

I can't remember how
I made my money.

If you're really a billionaire,

give me the secret
billionaires' handshake.

- Smithers, turn away.
- Yay!

So, tell me, why don't you recoil from
the public like a normal billionaire?

Hey, why own a basketball team
if you're not gonna have any fun?

Fun?

Is that how it's pronounced?
I've only seen it written.

Hold that thought. No one's paid
attention to me for ten whole seconds.

It's time for this peacock
to show his feathers.

You know, the feathers
with the big eye

that trick them into
thinking that's my front?

Said feathers are what I'll flaunt.

Uh, Mom, maybe you shouldn't have
put so much syrup on the pancakes.

The secret is not
to swallow the stingers.

- Dad, don't eat the bees!
- They're just drones, Lisa.

They only live for,
like, five minutes anyway.

And they only have haploid cells,
not diploid like me and Bart.

Yeah!

Listen, Lisa, I was trying to think
of a way to help your bees,

and I remembered this abandoned
greenhouse outside of town.

Which used to be a beautiful,

thriving greenhouse till
I was hired to run it.

Your bees will have plenty
of room in this old greenhouse.

Plus, there are flowers,
and it's near a prison,

so they'll have a place
to sting people.

Oh, Mom, it's perfect!

Go live your lives.
Get off my face!

Oh, I miss them.

Now you know how I'll feel
when you go to college.

You'll always have Bart.
Always.

But he'll be gone a lot
repairing refrigerators.

Always.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome your new,
fun-loving owner.

You've seen him on the cover

of the December 1943 issue
of Collier's Magazine.

Montgomery Burns!

Silence!

Now, let's make some noise for
everyone's favorite basketball team,

whom I have renamed
the Springfield Excitement.

I knew it!

Now I would like
to sing our National Anthem.

My country 'tis of thee

Austria, Hungary

Obey your king...

Sir, the Archduke is dead.

What?!
The Archduke is dead?

And the empire is destroyed.

- Then what happened?
- World War I.

- Then what?
- World War II.

- Then what?
- A postwar period.

- Then what?
- The Cold War.

Then what?

Then what?

- Then what?
- The European Union.

The European Union?!
Good heavens!

Ladies, hold onto your husbands!

It's time for the saucy antics
of Springfield's own Basket-belles.

Enough of this vulgarity.

Back to your brothel, harlots!

Now, enjoy your game

and the madcap antics
of the free-wheeling

title-holder of this asset:
me!

Hiphop hooray

Ho, hey

Ho, hey

Ho, hey

Ho

You drew a picture
on my money

But you couldn't make my...

Sir, were those real bullets?

- Yes. Was that a real gorilla?
- No.

I see.

Uh, sir, your escapades,
while well-intentioned,

seem to be driving away our fans.

We have to turn
this business around!

Time to think
outside the boxeola.

What would Mark Cuban do?

I'm out of my mind!

That's not much help.

Build a new arena.

State-of-the-art!

New arena.

That's it, men.
Pave and tar the way God intended.

Mr. Burns, you can't do this!

I can, I shall, and in the future,
I will have done.

I cannot be stopped!

Kill his acorns
and make him watch.

First, one announcement.

I regret to inform you
we are not offering childcare tonight.

I don't know who that guy was
you were leaving your kids with.

Now, without further ado,

let's get ready to referendum!

There's only one place in town
where the bees can survive,

and Mr. Burns wants
to tear it down.

Please, people.

You didn't listen
to me about the snail darter,

you didn't listen to me
about the osprey,

and you didn't listen to me
about the javelina.

The feisty pig of the desert?

Apparently not feisty enough.

Future generations
will judge us

by how we cared for
the tiniest creatures.

I am not just asking you
to save the bees.

I am asking you
to save your souls.

Excellent speech.
Just excellent.

I no longer wish to build my magnificent
new basketball stadium.

- You don't?
- Heavens no!

No skyboxes.

No kiss cam.

Nor will we have the chance
to marvel at number one draft pick

Muk Mu, the human North Pole.

No, I'm afraid he'll be on the first
kayak back to Ketchikan.

Noooooooooooooo!

- Please, don't take our freak!
- I love you, Muk Mu!

Muk Mu! Muk Mu!

All those in favor of building this
decadent monument to excess, say aye!

Aye!

Nay.

I know it's not
your fault, Muk Mu.

You're a gentle,
loving soul.

What's wrong with
your bees, Lisa?

Mr. Burns took away
their sanctuary,

and now, they aren't strong enough
to survive on their own.

I'm going home.

Give me the keys
to my bike lock.

- Are you sure?
- Give me the keys!

Okay, okay!

Don't know why
I had 'em in the first place.

Oh, I'd do anything
to cheer up my little girl.

Really?

Listen, Homer,
in the back room,

I got these super-tough
Africanized bees.

I saw this ad
in a gentleman's magazine

for excited African honeys,
and that's what they sent me.

If we could combine them
with Lisa's bees,

it would make them strong enough
to survive any environment.

But how are we supposed
to combine the DNA

of two strains
of the same species?

Actually, Homer...

You and me?

- No, the bees!
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what I meant, too.
I have no...

inclination...

- Got the queen?
- Yup.

And she's ready for a night
of anonymous sex

with multiple partners.

Now, let's give them
some privacy while they...

get down to buzziness.

Come with me

My love

To the sea

The sea of love...

If they was me,
they'd be done by now.

Wow.
This must be important, Dad!

I've never seen you walk up
an incline before.

Sweetie, I have a very
special surprise for you.

My bees?!

Your bees died days ago.

These are their angry,
mutant descendants.

And they're tough enough
to live in any environment.

They sound awfully mad.
Are they dangerous?

Hmm, I'm not sure.
Let me check.

Are you guys dangerous?
Ooh!

A simple yes
would have sufficed.

Don't worry, Lisa.
Where else are they gonna go?

To that new stadium that
looks exactly like a hive.

Welcome to the American dream...

a billionaire using public
funds to construct

a private playground
for the rich and powerful.

And now, so our skybox owners
can really enjoy the game,

I shall let in the sky!

Stop!
I am one of you!

We've been invaded
by a swarm of killer bees!

My microphone is
no microphone at all.

It's bees!
Am I being badly stung?

Yes!
And it hurts!

Our bullets are useless.

Aah!
Okay, they're useful on me.

Oh, they've found a home.

You've won this round,

but when next we meet,

the beekeeper
will be the beekeepee!

Help me, Muk Mu!

So, that's how I was outfoxed by a
little girl and her half-wit companion

when my beautiful stadium
was declared a bee sanctuary,

and I had to take a third-quarter
write down of $804 million.

Wait a minute.
Someone crunch the numbers!

He's only worth...

$996,036,000.

He's not a billionaire at all!

Wait, wait, wait.

It's only a matter of four million.
I'm sure I can find that somewhere.

I, uh... I have $50 here
in my wallet.

Mark, can you get me off
the hook for old times' sake?

Can't do it, Monty.

Aw, don't worry.

You'll feel a lot
more comfortable in the...

millionaires' camp.

No! No!
Just kill me now!

Howdy do?

I own a minor
league hockey team.

Traduction : Skualler & Robot

Synchro : Job22
Relecture : Raph