The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 20, Episode 7 - Mypods and Boomsticks - full transcript
Homer comes to the conclusion that the family of Bart's new Muslim friend are terrorists who are secretly plotting to blow up Springfield Mall. Meanwhile, Lisa learns about fiscal responsibility when she gets her own Mypod ... and eventually, a $1,200 bill.
Synchro: -Ori-, Clems260
Oh, Christmas tree, Christmas tree
You're on the curb and dead now.
Your Christmas lights are in the box
In two months we will
change the clocks.
Christmas tree...
Gee, they sure give the Christmas
spirit the bum's rush around here.
And they've already started
exploiting the next holiday.
Young man, have you judged people
by the content
of their character, this year?
- Yes, Reverend Doctor.
- Lunchtime!
Free at last!
Free at last!
Remember our deal...
everyone gets to return
one Christmas present
with no hurt feelings.
I'm returning this kitten calendar.
I'm also returning
this kitten calendar.
Kitten calendar.
Those are 15 month calendars!
That gives you three extra kittens!
That's the last time I get you guys
a Christmas present at the last minute.
- Man, those are ugly kittens!
- Mom, Dad!
Our mall got a Mapple store!
It's so sterile!
MyPods! MyPhones!
A Brainiac Bar!
My question is
the following statement:
Operating System 4.2
has sloppier architecture
than a Tijuana anthill.
Did you get peanut butter
in your Ethernet port again?
I got mayonnaise in the CD drive.
I see you're admiring our MyCube.
It's fueled by dreams
and powered by imagination.
- What does it do?
- You should ask yourself,
"What can I do for it?"
What can I do for you?
Please, I'm begging you!
- Sir, it's not even turned on yet.
- But it's glowing.
That light confirms that it's off.
I can't afford any of your products,
but can I buy some
fake white earbuds,
- so people will think I have a MyPod?
- Sure, those are called "MyPhonies."
And they cost $40.
I'll never get a Mapple anything.
I hate this MyPod!
I can't watch movies
on a screen this small.
And the music today...
don't get me started!
I said, don't get me started!
Come on,
isn't someone going to get me started?!
Let's go, Teeny.
Maybe somebody at Old
Navy will get me started.
- Here kid, you take it.
- Thank you, Krusty!
Don't thank me. Thank the Jewish
Clown Awards gift basket.
I'm a Mapple person!
- We're all Mapple people.
- Sorry.
Attention, Mapple universe!
Prepare for a live announcement
from Mapple founder and
Chief Imaginative Officer
Steve Mobbs.
He's a genius!
He's like a god
who knows what we want!
Greetings, it is I,
your insanely great leader.
I'm speaking to you from
Mapple headquarters deep below the sea
with an announcement
that will completely change
the way you look at everything!
And that announcement is...
You're all losers!
You think you're cool because
you buy a $500 phone
with a picture of a fruit on it?!
Guess what?
They cost eight bucks to
make and I pee on every one!
I have made a fortune off you chumps
and I've invested it all
in Microsoft!
Now my boyfriend, Bill Gates, and I kiss
each other on a pile of your money!
Traitor!
Your heart is blacker
than your turtleneck!
Who dares question the boss we fired
10 years ago and then brought back?
It was my brother Bart!
Flay him with your earbuds!
Flay him, I say!
MyCube, take me away!
Get him!
Get him! Go!
Stupid angry mob, chasing me because
I shine a harsh light on modern society.
Now I know how Dane Cook feels.
What's that exotic aroma?
It smells like a hamburger
cooked at a rug store.
Would you like some lamb?
All these years
I've been petting lambs
when I should've been shoving
them in my mouth!
- I'm Bart.
- I'm Bashir.
My family and I just moved here,
from Jordan.
Jordan. That's on some
map somewhere, right?
Introduce me to your new friend.
Bashir, you didn't tell me
you had a sister.
Such a charmer.
Would you like to stay for dinner?
I never refuse food from strangers.
Okay, you're new to our school,
so here's the deal:
we call Skinner, "Skin-rash,"
Mr. Wiener is "Mr. Whiner,"
and Groundskeeper Willie,
"Grounds-Creeper Stupid."
That's not clever!
And I have so many
aspects you can mock!
I'm poor, I'm dirty, I can't read
or write, I think movies are real!
Next, here's the food at the cafeteria
that will make you sick:
coleslaw, tuna,
all chowders and gumbos.
The only thing that's
safe is the pork chops.
My religion says
I can never eat pork.
A different religion?!
Do not tell anyone that
because if the bullies around here
find out that you're different...
Who's different?
What's your name, sweat stain?
"Bash here"?
I love a kid
that comes with directions.
Tell us where you came from
so we can punch you back there.
I'm going to punch you extra hard
'cause I secretly think you're cute.
You can't just whale
on him because he's...
- What religion are you anyway?
- Muslim.
Oh, boy.
You're the reason I can't carry
toothpaste on an airplane!
Look, guys, everyone's different.
You're Christian,
Dolph, you're Jewish,
and, Kearney, your family's
in that cult Moe started.
- I had to join.
- My mom's doing the savior.
I mean, the one true Moe.
You're the one true mo.
Help me, almighty Moe!
Can't. I'm not really a god.
I was just acting crazy
to get out of jury duty.
Look at Lisa Simpson,
over there by herself.
Not talking to us, her best friends!
Do we hate her?
- Yes!
- Yes!
We came to tell you that we...
Is that a MyPod?
I've already downloaded
so much incredible music!
Check out "Moon Dreams"
from Miles Davis' Birth of the Cool.
Or, check out this MyTunes exclusive
episode of Itchy & Scratchy.
... and Scratchy Show.
Why?!
Stop!
Marge, I installed all
the low-energy bulbs.
What have you done
with the old ones?
Disposed of them in an environmentally
friendly manner.
- Salaam alaikum!
- Salaam alaikum!
Milhouse is looking good!
He's got contacts, changed color,
got a cool new catchphrase.
Salaam alaikum!
That's Bashir, my new friend.
- Bart forgot this, sir.
- Sir?
That's the kind of respect you'd have
to strangle out of an American kid.
You know, Bart never told me
he had a handsome teenage brother.
I'm really 38.
38 waist I might believe.
Got any idea what
direction Mecca's in?
Why don't you ask Homer?
He ought to know,
by dint of his son's new friend.
Bashir's great.
If Derek Jeter married Mariah Carey...
wouldn't last...
but I bet they'd
have a kid like him.
Homer, this is serious.
This Bashir kid is Muslim,
and therefore up to something.
I can't believe that till
I see a fictional TV program
espousing your point of view.
All right.
For the last time, Fayed,
where did you hide the nerve gas?!
Under your Statue
of Liberty's dress!
And she loved it!
Oh, my God.
What can I do?
Well, if you want to stop Bashir
and his war on American principles,
you could discriminate against
his family in employment and housing.
That's pretty patriotic,
but I got a better idea.
Invite 'em over.
A little dinner,
a little dessert, and then
you Jack Bauer 'em into
giving you all their secrets.
I guess I have no choice.
It's very open-minded of you
to have Bart's Muslim friend's
Muslim family over.
Here's the plan, Marge.
You keep them talking.
I'll be listening
and quietly judging.
The doorbell will tell
you when they're here.
So, how did you two meet?
We met while studying
at Jordan University
of Science and Technology.
Interesting.
Why, just the other day,
I was reading that science
is used to make bombs.
Now, bait the trap.
Why don't I get us dessert?
I made us a little cake.
Care to cut?
Watch this, Lenny.
Not now.
I got soap in my eyes.
- No, thank you.
- What's the matter?
Don't like the taste of freedom?
Dad, these people are my friends.
Don't fear them
because they have a different religion,
a different culture,
and their last name is Bin Laden.
Young man, you do not respect us
by disrespecting your father.
I like the way you Italians think.
Shut up, old man.
I think it is time for us to go.
That's it.
Ruin a perfect evening.
You're teaching Bart
a terrible lesson of intolerance.
I'm sorry.
It's just so fun and easy
to judge people based on religion.
I want you to go over to their house
and apologize.
But we're the more powerful country
for a few more years.
Okay, I'll apologize.
Don't eat that, sweetie.
It's poison.
I am sorry I suspected you
of being soulless murders
of innocent children.
I hope we can move past this and...
Dynamite?
They are terrorists.
Must leave quietly.
So far, so good.
I was right!
Everybody is whatever I think they are.
I saw them unloading dynamite.
I'm sure you didn't see anything.
Go to sleep.
All right, sweetie,
but if I wake up tomorrow,
we'll discuss it.
You rubbed? You must like me.
You really, really like me.
Good morning, Ramadan!
Come to Crazy Fayeddie's!
Our prices are Hussein!
Here's... Genie!
Now do Flanders.
Now I will destroy
your decadent Western society.
Usually that ends the dream.
The power of dreaming
has convinced me the threat is real.
Delivery for Lisa Simpson.
It's a gift from Mapple.
Oh, such beautiful packaging.
I never thought a company
could be my soul mate.
It's my first MyBill.
1,200 $?!
But I only downloaded...
1,212 songs.
I got to prove the genie was right.
Off to work.
Sometimes I wish you would quit
that awful business.
But I love blowing up buildings.
Oh, my God.
Safely and legally,
in order to make room for new buildings.
Darling,
I think you are working much too hard.
Yes, I am killing myself,
but it is all for the profit,
and after the explosion,
I will be in a better place.
That corner office
with the downtown view.
Oh, It's you.
What do you want?
I want to apologize
for being such a jerk at dinner,
and I thought
the best way to do that
would be to come to your house
and poke around.
Mr. Simpson, I accept your apology.
Good-bye.
Wait!
I read somewhere your people
are hospitable to guests.
Is that true?
Praise be Oliver.
That's Allah.
We'll look it up in the Corona.
So... now that we're alone,
death to America, right?
- Homer, why are you really here?
- Look at that!
We're out of almond paste. Don't get up.
I'll grind the almonds myself.
A computer.
I'm in.
Springfield Mall?
They're going to blow it up.
Homer, I don't hear almond grinding.
Just listen.
I'm grinding them now.
My finger!
Here comes the ambulance.
My, you're a handsome fellow.
Just get in the ambulance,
Mr. Simpson.
We'll see to your finger.
Why, thank you.
Ow, my finger!
Everyone, get out!
Run for your lives!
Run for your...
stay where you are.
Boy, don't blow up this mall.
It has the cookie store
that gives free samples.
I can't believe your dad gets paid
to blow stuff up.
Actually, Bart, my job is about
math and engineering.
Every calculation is to make sure
the explosion is safe.
Did you factor in one bald idiot?
No, I...
Dad, it was an empty building.
It was supposed to come down.
- What about the bridge?
- That was supposed to open tomorrow.
- Did we really need a bridge there?
- The Duff brewery is on that island.
I'll save you!
That banner has really paid
for itself over the years.
We accept your apology.
Lisa, add another name
to our Christmas card list.
Next to our Jewish friends.
Where is Lisa?
She said something
about "the bottom of the ocean"
and "be back in a month."
Welcome to Mapple Headquarters.
The cost of this journey
will be added to your bill.
Come on... come on.
16 million results.
There's a surface dweller
here to see you...
MyTunes user JazzGal62.
Oh, Lise Simpson. Send her in.
Lisa, it's insanely
great to see you.
I sort of downloaded too many songs
onto my MyPod,
and I don't have the money
to pay for them.
And do you think you could consider
a reduced payment plan?
I'm sorry.
I know our posters say
"Think differently,"
but our real slogan is "No refunds."
Can't you open your Mapple menu
and click on the compassion bar?
Oh, please.
Lisa, how would you
like to work for Mapple?
Would I ever.
Think differently.
Think differently.
Think differently.
Think differently.
Oh, Christmas tree, Christmas tree
You're on the curb and dead now.
Your Christmas lights are in the box
In two months we will
change the clocks.
Christmas tree...
Gee, they sure give the Christmas
spirit the bum's rush around here.
And they've already started
exploiting the next holiday.
Young man, have you judged people
by the content
of their character, this year?
- Yes, Reverend Doctor.
- Lunchtime!
Free at last!
Free at last!
Remember our deal...
everyone gets to return
one Christmas present
with no hurt feelings.
I'm returning this kitten calendar.
I'm also returning
this kitten calendar.
Kitten calendar.
Those are 15 month calendars!
That gives you three extra kittens!
That's the last time I get you guys
a Christmas present at the last minute.
- Man, those are ugly kittens!
- Mom, Dad!
Our mall got a Mapple store!
It's so sterile!
MyPods! MyPhones!
A Brainiac Bar!
My question is
the following statement:
Operating System 4.2
has sloppier architecture
than a Tijuana anthill.
Did you get peanut butter
in your Ethernet port again?
I got mayonnaise in the CD drive.
I see you're admiring our MyCube.
It's fueled by dreams
and powered by imagination.
- What does it do?
- You should ask yourself,
"What can I do for it?"
What can I do for you?
Please, I'm begging you!
- Sir, it's not even turned on yet.
- But it's glowing.
That light confirms that it's off.
I can't afford any of your products,
but can I buy some
fake white earbuds,
- so people will think I have a MyPod?
- Sure, those are called "MyPhonies."
And they cost $40.
I'll never get a Mapple anything.
I hate this MyPod!
I can't watch movies
on a screen this small.
And the music today...
don't get me started!
I said, don't get me started!
Come on,
isn't someone going to get me started?!
Let's go, Teeny.
Maybe somebody at Old
Navy will get me started.
- Here kid, you take it.
- Thank you, Krusty!
Don't thank me. Thank the Jewish
Clown Awards gift basket.
I'm a Mapple person!
- We're all Mapple people.
- Sorry.
Attention, Mapple universe!
Prepare for a live announcement
from Mapple founder and
Chief Imaginative Officer
Steve Mobbs.
He's a genius!
He's like a god
who knows what we want!
Greetings, it is I,
your insanely great leader.
I'm speaking to you from
Mapple headquarters deep below the sea
with an announcement
that will completely change
the way you look at everything!
And that announcement is...
You're all losers!
You think you're cool because
you buy a $500 phone
with a picture of a fruit on it?!
Guess what?
They cost eight bucks to
make and I pee on every one!
I have made a fortune off you chumps
and I've invested it all
in Microsoft!
Now my boyfriend, Bill Gates, and I kiss
each other on a pile of your money!
Traitor!
Your heart is blacker
than your turtleneck!
Who dares question the boss we fired
10 years ago and then brought back?
It was my brother Bart!
Flay him with your earbuds!
Flay him, I say!
MyCube, take me away!
Get him!
Get him! Go!
Stupid angry mob, chasing me because
I shine a harsh light on modern society.
Now I know how Dane Cook feels.
What's that exotic aroma?
It smells like a hamburger
cooked at a rug store.
Would you like some lamb?
All these years
I've been petting lambs
when I should've been shoving
them in my mouth!
- I'm Bart.
- I'm Bashir.
My family and I just moved here,
from Jordan.
Jordan. That's on some
map somewhere, right?
Introduce me to your new friend.
Bashir, you didn't tell me
you had a sister.
Such a charmer.
Would you like to stay for dinner?
I never refuse food from strangers.
Okay, you're new to our school,
so here's the deal:
we call Skinner, "Skin-rash,"
Mr. Wiener is "Mr. Whiner,"
and Groundskeeper Willie,
"Grounds-Creeper Stupid."
That's not clever!
And I have so many
aspects you can mock!
I'm poor, I'm dirty, I can't read
or write, I think movies are real!
Next, here's the food at the cafeteria
that will make you sick:
coleslaw, tuna,
all chowders and gumbos.
The only thing that's
safe is the pork chops.
My religion says
I can never eat pork.
A different religion?!
Do not tell anyone that
because if the bullies around here
find out that you're different...
Who's different?
What's your name, sweat stain?
"Bash here"?
I love a kid
that comes with directions.
Tell us where you came from
so we can punch you back there.
I'm going to punch you extra hard
'cause I secretly think you're cute.
You can't just whale
on him because he's...
- What religion are you anyway?
- Muslim.
Oh, boy.
You're the reason I can't carry
toothpaste on an airplane!
Look, guys, everyone's different.
You're Christian,
Dolph, you're Jewish,
and, Kearney, your family's
in that cult Moe started.
- I had to join.
- My mom's doing the savior.
I mean, the one true Moe.
You're the one true mo.
Help me, almighty Moe!
Can't. I'm not really a god.
I was just acting crazy
to get out of jury duty.
Look at Lisa Simpson,
over there by herself.
Not talking to us, her best friends!
Do we hate her?
- Yes!
- Yes!
We came to tell you that we...
Is that a MyPod?
I've already downloaded
so much incredible music!
Check out "Moon Dreams"
from Miles Davis' Birth of the Cool.
Or, check out this MyTunes exclusive
episode of Itchy & Scratchy.
... and Scratchy Show.
Why?!
Stop!
Marge, I installed all
the low-energy bulbs.
What have you done
with the old ones?
Disposed of them in an environmentally
friendly manner.
- Salaam alaikum!
- Salaam alaikum!
Milhouse is looking good!
He's got contacts, changed color,
got a cool new catchphrase.
Salaam alaikum!
That's Bashir, my new friend.
- Bart forgot this, sir.
- Sir?
That's the kind of respect you'd have
to strangle out of an American kid.
You know, Bart never told me
he had a handsome teenage brother.
I'm really 38.
38 waist I might believe.
Got any idea what
direction Mecca's in?
Why don't you ask Homer?
He ought to know,
by dint of his son's new friend.
Bashir's great.
If Derek Jeter married Mariah Carey...
wouldn't last...
but I bet they'd
have a kid like him.
Homer, this is serious.
This Bashir kid is Muslim,
and therefore up to something.
I can't believe that till
I see a fictional TV program
espousing your point of view.
All right.
For the last time, Fayed,
where did you hide the nerve gas?!
Under your Statue
of Liberty's dress!
And she loved it!
Oh, my God.
What can I do?
Well, if you want to stop Bashir
and his war on American principles,
you could discriminate against
his family in employment and housing.
That's pretty patriotic,
but I got a better idea.
Invite 'em over.
A little dinner,
a little dessert, and then
you Jack Bauer 'em into
giving you all their secrets.
I guess I have no choice.
It's very open-minded of you
to have Bart's Muslim friend's
Muslim family over.
Here's the plan, Marge.
You keep them talking.
I'll be listening
and quietly judging.
The doorbell will tell
you when they're here.
So, how did you two meet?
We met while studying
at Jordan University
of Science and Technology.
Interesting.
Why, just the other day,
I was reading that science
is used to make bombs.
Now, bait the trap.
Why don't I get us dessert?
I made us a little cake.
Care to cut?
Watch this, Lenny.
Not now.
I got soap in my eyes.
- No, thank you.
- What's the matter?
Don't like the taste of freedom?
Dad, these people are my friends.
Don't fear them
because they have a different religion,
a different culture,
and their last name is Bin Laden.
Young man, you do not respect us
by disrespecting your father.
I like the way you Italians think.
Shut up, old man.
I think it is time for us to go.
That's it.
Ruin a perfect evening.
You're teaching Bart
a terrible lesson of intolerance.
I'm sorry.
It's just so fun and easy
to judge people based on religion.
I want you to go over to their house
and apologize.
But we're the more powerful country
for a few more years.
Okay, I'll apologize.
Don't eat that, sweetie.
It's poison.
I am sorry I suspected you
of being soulless murders
of innocent children.
I hope we can move past this and...
Dynamite?
They are terrorists.
Must leave quietly.
So far, so good.
I was right!
Everybody is whatever I think they are.
I saw them unloading dynamite.
I'm sure you didn't see anything.
Go to sleep.
All right, sweetie,
but if I wake up tomorrow,
we'll discuss it.
You rubbed? You must like me.
You really, really like me.
Good morning, Ramadan!
Come to Crazy Fayeddie's!
Our prices are Hussein!
Here's... Genie!
Now do Flanders.
Now I will destroy
your decadent Western society.
Usually that ends the dream.
The power of dreaming
has convinced me the threat is real.
Delivery for Lisa Simpson.
It's a gift from Mapple.
Oh, such beautiful packaging.
I never thought a company
could be my soul mate.
It's my first MyBill.
1,200 $?!
But I only downloaded...
1,212 songs.
I got to prove the genie was right.
Off to work.
Sometimes I wish you would quit
that awful business.
But I love blowing up buildings.
Oh, my God.
Safely and legally,
in order to make room for new buildings.
Darling,
I think you are working much too hard.
Yes, I am killing myself,
but it is all for the profit,
and after the explosion,
I will be in a better place.
That corner office
with the downtown view.
Oh, It's you.
What do you want?
I want to apologize
for being such a jerk at dinner,
and I thought
the best way to do that
would be to come to your house
and poke around.
Mr. Simpson, I accept your apology.
Good-bye.
Wait!
I read somewhere your people
are hospitable to guests.
Is that true?
Praise be Oliver.
That's Allah.
We'll look it up in the Corona.
So... now that we're alone,
death to America, right?
- Homer, why are you really here?
- Look at that!
We're out of almond paste. Don't get up.
I'll grind the almonds myself.
A computer.
I'm in.
Springfield Mall?
They're going to blow it up.
Homer, I don't hear almond grinding.
Just listen.
I'm grinding them now.
My finger!
Here comes the ambulance.
My, you're a handsome fellow.
Just get in the ambulance,
Mr. Simpson.
We'll see to your finger.
Why, thank you.
Ow, my finger!
Everyone, get out!
Run for your lives!
Run for your...
stay where you are.
Boy, don't blow up this mall.
It has the cookie store
that gives free samples.
I can't believe your dad gets paid
to blow stuff up.
Actually, Bart, my job is about
math and engineering.
Every calculation is to make sure
the explosion is safe.
Did you factor in one bald idiot?
No, I...
Dad, it was an empty building.
It was supposed to come down.
- What about the bridge?
- That was supposed to open tomorrow.
- Did we really need a bridge there?
- The Duff brewery is on that island.
I'll save you!
That banner has really paid
for itself over the years.
We accept your apology.
Lisa, add another name
to our Christmas card list.
Next to our Jewish friends.
Where is Lisa?
She said something
about "the bottom of the ocean"
and "be back in a month."
Welcome to Mapple Headquarters.
The cost of this journey
will be added to your bill.
Come on... come on.
16 million results.
There's a surface dweller
here to see you...
MyTunes user JazzGal62.
Oh, Lise Simpson. Send her in.
Lisa, it's insanely
great to see you.
I sort of downloaded too many songs
onto my MyPod,
and I don't have the money
to pay for them.
And do you think you could consider
a reduced payment plan?
I'm sorry.
I know our posters say
"Think differently,"
but our real slogan is "No refunds."
Can't you open your Mapple menu
and click on the compassion bar?
Oh, please.
Lisa, how would you
like to work for Mapple?
Would I ever.
Think differently.
Think differently.
Think differently.
Think differently.