The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 20, Episode 6 - Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words - full transcript
Having told Seymour that Edna has called off their engagement,Homer gets to tell lovers their partners have dumped them - as a job. Meanwhile Lisa develops a talent for solving crosswords and enters a contest,winning money for Homer when he bets on her. However when he bets against her in the final and she does lose she feels betrayed,until he comes up with a novel way of saying 'Sorry' to her.
The Simpsons - Season 20 Episode 06
"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
♪
Lemonade! Sweet sunshine in your mouth!
Buy a cup, or I punch my sister!
It's true! He's not bluffing!
Maybe we should put a dollar
in the jar, prime the pump.
What are we, a piano bar?
I'll take 15 lemonades.
Make that 16.
Lousy dog.
If you had your way,
I'd walk you every day.
Lemonade!
- Eh!
- Stop pushing!
Six cups, please. And put it on my tab.
Keep moving, deadbeat. Cash only.
Fine. Lemonade's for babies anyways.
I'm going to Moe's, for beer!
Have fun drinking your lemonade, babies!
Lisa, can Daddy borrow your bike?
I guess...
- Hey, Moe, give me a...
- Homer, shush!
We're watching Krabappel
try to break up with Skinner.
Seymour, I have something
difficult I want to say to you.
I understand.
It can be very difficult for
a woman to propose marriage.
But I am willing to
go halvsies on a ring.
Seymour...
Excuse me.
Any of you lugs want to break
up with my boyfriend for me?
I'll buy you a beer.
Seymour, Edna asked me to talk to you.
Splendid! Shall we discuss
music or the weather?
No, this is about you.
Edna wants to break up.
- She wants to break up?
- Yeah.
- With me?
- Yeah.
Look at it this way: you're
a free man. Unlike me.
You have all your hair. Unlike me.
No kids tying you down
or a crippling mortgage
that you refinanced at 26%
because a dancing Internet
cowboy told you to.
Oh, God, I hate my life.
Gee, compared to you, my
life is one big half-day.
Exactly. You're good looking,
you have a decent job.
What lonely widow wouldn't
consider you an option?
Thanks, Homer. I don't think the school
pep squad could've cheered me up more,
and they were state runners up in 1997.
Homer, that was amazing.
He actually felt better coming out
of the breakup than he did going in.
Say, Homer, you're real good at this.
Think you could dump my
girlfriend Doreen for me?
Doreen. She's cheated on you with everyone.
Well, except for me. And
I've showered her with gifts--
fancy soaps and massage
oils and, uh, what have you.
Ooh, here she comes.
Work your magic, Homer.
- Is Lenny here?
- Oh, I'm afraid Lenny's dead.
What? I just talked to him.
And you will again, because
he isn't really dead.
And now this next piece
of news won't seem so bad.
- Lemonade!
- We want lemonade!
Don't worry, folks. Our master
chef is stirring up a fresh batch.
Stop that transaction!
I'm a part-time field agent with the
Springfield Department of Commerce.
- Great gig.
- It is a great gig.
May I see your vendor's license?
Um, I think it's...
We don't have one.
35 cents? Where did that come from?
Can't be mine. Must be yours.
I don't care if it's 45
cents, I don't want it.
Submit this form to
the License Bureau.
Until then, this stand is closed.
Boys.
Geez, I'm thirsty. You got any lemonade?
Not anymore!
BUREAU OF LICENSES AND PERMITS
DRIVE, MARRY AND HUNT,
ONLY $49,95
Come on already.
Come on, come on. I was halfway through
an operation when my license expired.
I'll get to you, just as soon as
I finish this crossword puzzle.
Ah, no, come on.
- Let's go, buddy.
- I left bananas in my car.
Let's see, uh, ten across:
"Franklin Roosevelt's middle name."
Excitement. Oh, wait, that don't fit.
Maybe you could use some help.
"FDR's middle name": "Delano."
"Oxidized surface":
Well, that's "rusty."
"Bartenders serve them 'dirty.'"
- Ham sandwiches!
- No, "martinis."
Oh, right.
One more word! "Singer
of Yentl," 13 letters.
I got it! "Isaac Bashevis!"
Now, give me my license!
Give everyone their license!
Whoo, what is a
four-letter word for "hero"?
- "Hero."
- Yes, but I meant "Lisa."
- Lisa!
- Lisa!
- Y'ello.
- Homer?
It's your old roommate, Grady.
- The gay guy?
- That's not all I am!
Well, it's a lot of what I am.
Any-hoo, I heard how good you
are at breaking up couples.
I need your help to break up with Julio,
'cause I met someone new, someone
much more cool and refreshing.
Got it. Marge, I'm going
to a hardcore gay club,
and I won't be home
till 3:00 in the morning!
Have fun!
Ay carumba!
Bart, I've fallen in
love with crosswords.
It finally happened. You've
gone completely fruit loops.
"Fruit Loops." That's the answer
to 38 down: "Toucan's delight."
No, I mean you're loco in the co.
- "Cocoa": "Ice rink drink."
- You're losing it!
"Losin' It": "Risque '80s teen flick."
Fine, go nuts, see if I care.
"Eye care":"Optician's concern."
Oh, thanks for your help, Bart.
"Bart": "San Francisco people mover."
Speaking of San
Francisco people mover...
Grady is breaking up with me?!
You'll always have a
special place in his heart!
In his what?
Oh, baby, you are the breakup king.
You-You have made the seven minutes that I'm
gonna go without love so much more bearable.
Anyone else want me to get
rid of that special someone?
Okay, everyone, rotate one to your right.
Guess what, Mom. I'm a cruciverbalist.
Another religion?
You know, you're just gonna drop the
whole thing when you go to college and
get a Jewish boyfriend.
Probably. But a cruciverbalist is a
fan of crossword puzzles, which I am!
Me, too! I been doing them since 1958.
Back then, we called
them Alphabet Hotels,
'cause every letter
gets its own little room.
I still do the Springfield
Shopperpuzzle every day.
Let's see there.
Grampa, everyone knows that
the only real test of skill
is the New York Timespuzzle,
edited by Will Shortz.
"Will" and
"shorts"--
two things I'm no longer
allowed to change by myself.
Okay, back to the real world.
- Isn't it beautiful?!
- Sure is.
- Who's driving the bus?
- What bus?
Sweet Conclusions
Breakup Service.
Oh, yes, we dispose of
your loved one humanely,
thanks to our patented
Tender Dump System.
TIME - ICE CREAM -
BOOZE - FLATTERY - LIES
I'll be there in 30 minutes,
or your breakup is free...!
MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER
MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER
SHE WANTS TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE
SNAKE + GLORIA
4EVER
SNAKE + GLORIA
4NEVER
Simpson!
What in the blue blazes are you
doing to my hopscotching grids?
I- I made them into a crossword.
Well, I'm a bit of a puzzle head myself.
They, uh, help me wind down after
a day of dealing with Skinner!
- You called?
- Made reference.
My mistake.
Lisa, I think you
might be ready for this.
"Bald Man's Basketball League"?
Hmm? Sorry, wrong flier. I meant this.
"Citywide Crossword Tournament"?
- Oh, thank you!
- Ah, you're welcome.
Now, uh, I have to go home and
make sure my pool boy is using his
skimmer!
- You called?
- You misheard.
My mistake.
Marge, if I had a hundred dollars
for every customer I'd broken up,
I'd have exactly this amount.
'Cause that's what I charge.
Homie, I'm not sure about
this new business of yours.
You're making it too easy for couples to break up
just because they hit a rough patch.
I know this is hard on you. But in time,
you'll come to see it's for the best.
That's one of your breakup lines!
What would have happened if there
was someone who could break us up
every time I had my doubts about you?
Who are you?
We are the spirits of the
relationships you killed.
We're the babies those
couples would have had.
And we're the antiques those
couples would have bought together.
Get him, chairs and babies!
Homie?
Marge, I'm getting out
of the breakup business.
And I don't know if I'll
ever sleep soundly again!
Well, maybe...
TODAY:
CROSSWORD CHAMPIONSHIPS
TOMORROW:
GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY
Wow, so this is what this is.
Cruciverbalists from far
and wide have gathered here
for a no-holds-barred
test of skill.
- Surely some holds are barred.
- No, none.
Well, it sounds really exciting,
and you're a delightful young lady.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Hey, what's going on?
It's kind of a secret, so
shut the door most of the way.
We found a way to make
this tournament interesting.
We bet on the matches.
Really? Well, I did bring
this envelope full of money.
And these days, betting in a
bar is safer than any stock,
bond or real estate investment.
Agreed. So, who are you gonna bet on?
I want you to put it
all on my little girl.
And parlay with the Asian kid.
- He has a name, you know.
- What is it?
I don't know. He's not my kid.
- I win!
- She won!
And like any prudent gambler,
I know when to walk away: never!
Okay, everybody, take a break.
Dad, I could actually win this thing!
And when you win, I win.
I'll explain that to
you on your deathbed.
My only fear is I always sabotage myself
when I'm on the verge of happiness.
- You what?
- In my young life,
I've seen that every time I'm
about to achieve true happiness,
some little piece of me says,
"You don't deserve this."
And another little
piece says, "I agree."
Right, right. But will it happen this time?
With my luck, I bet it will. It's practically a sure thing.
Contestants to your boards.
- Wish me luck.
- Just be yourself.
I want to change my bet. I'm
going against my daughter.
I'll take your money, but
I won't look you in the eye.
Fine. I won't look you in the eye.
- Have I made the bet yet?
- I got it.
We're down to our final two contestants.
But before they compete, we would
like to pay tribute to all the words
that have been removed from
the dictionary in the past year.
SKEDADDLE
NIXONIAN
ZOUNDS
MIMEOGRAPH
HOOTENANNY
You know, my wife Shirley, she's
the real crossword ace in our family.
Fills in those letters
fast as hail on a tin roof:
ping-ping-ping, she's done.
Ah, Shirley passed away two years
ago, but I'm still not over it.
Aw, that's so sad.
Hey, what can you do? Life
keeps changing the music,
but you gotta keep up
the cha-cha-cha, huh?
Let's see, I'll spread some Qs around.
That'll get my brain going.
Oh, I dropped my glasses. Oh,
Shirley, baby, I let you down.
Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses.
Let's see, that's "Enrico Fermi", and
there you've got the "Pet Shop Boys,"
and cross the T and zing the Z and
skit-skat skoodily I'm all the way home.
Lisa got hustled.
Oh, I blew it again.
She blew it again.
Here's your money... drenched
in your daughter's tears.
You know, for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
Boy, Dad seems awfully happy.
And there's something
different about him.
He bought new shoelaces
with fancy metal tips.
Dad, did you come into some
money we don't know about?
- No.
- You got highlights in your hair!
Uh... the sun did that.
And your car antenna has been
straightened and re-balled.
What's going on?
Well, sweetie, Daddy
made a little extra money
betting against you in
the crossword tournament.
You'll understand when you're a parent
placing large wagers against your own children.
I hope you're not mad.
No, I'm not mad.
You sure you're not mad?
No. I'm not mad.
You sure you're not mad?
No, I'm not mad.
Mr. Teddy, can you
ask Lisa if she's mad?
What's that, Mr. Teddy?
You're saying that you know women,
and that when women say they're
not mad, they're madder than ever?
Oh... she's gone.
Can you drive me home?
I'm a little drunk.
Lisa?
Lisa?!
Lisa, sweetie, please
look at your Daddy.
You stopped being my Daddy
as soon as you bet against me!
All I have now is a mom, which
is why I'm taking her maiden name!
From now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier!
Hey, Mr. S. Lisa B.
No...!
Would you like to buy some band candy?
Yes...!
Lisa's mad at me, and now she's using
Marge's maiden name instead of mine.
Homer, whatever you
done to that little girl,
you just gotta do something
even nicer to win her back.
She may never take back your name,
but there's still a chance
she'll take you back as a Daddy.
Wow, nobody gives better parenting
advice than childless drunks.
So the name "Lisa
Simpson" is available, huh?
Lotta goodwill attached to
that name. I gonna take it.
Lisa's Tavern, Lisa speaking.
Lisa, sweetie,
I'm honored that you chose my
name, but it's not that great.
Back in high school, the boys
used to call me Marge "Boobier."
Hey, Bouvier was Jackie
Kennedy's maiden name.
Really? I never knew that.
What did you think her name
was before it was Kennedy?
Jackie "O." Like SpaghettiOs.
I thought that was where
her money came from.
Look, why don't you cheer up by doing
a New York Times crossword puzzle, huh?
I'm through with crosswords.
My innocence died in
those 441 little boxes.
It might be a fun way
to kill a couple hours.
A couple hours? I can do the
Sunday puzzle in less than one hour.
A couple of hours.
43 MINUTES LATER
Last clue: "Loses on purpose."
Diets!
Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal.
And a new record time.
Wait a second.
"Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet."
Wow, it's almost as if
Dad planted that message.
No, it must just be a weird coincidence.
But what if it's not?
Oh, it must be.
Or mustn't it not?
Dad, I know this is crazy,
but did you plant a message to me in
the New York Times crossword puzzle?
Well, I had a little help from this guy.
New York Times Crossword Editor Will Shortz!
And master puzzle
constructor Merl Reagle!
I actually wrote that crossword.
And I edited it. Now
get back to crosswording!
Yes, sir.
Well, I must admit, I'm kind of touched.
"Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet."
Nice.
You didn't get Homer's
whole message, Lisa.
- I didn't?
- Take a look
at the first letters of all the clues.
Dear Lisa,
you make me so happy
really, really, really happy.
Sorry, they told me
I needed 144 letters
What was my point again?
Oh, right.
Bouvier or Simpsons
I cherish you,
Oh, dad.
"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
♪
Lemonade! Sweet sunshine in your mouth!
Buy a cup, or I punch my sister!
It's true! He's not bluffing!
Maybe we should put a dollar
in the jar, prime the pump.
What are we, a piano bar?
I'll take 15 lemonades.
Make that 16.
Lousy dog.
If you had your way,
I'd walk you every day.
Lemonade!
- Eh!
- Stop pushing!
Six cups, please. And put it on my tab.
Keep moving, deadbeat. Cash only.
Fine. Lemonade's for babies anyways.
I'm going to Moe's, for beer!
Have fun drinking your lemonade, babies!
Lisa, can Daddy borrow your bike?
I guess...
- Hey, Moe, give me a...
- Homer, shush!
We're watching Krabappel
try to break up with Skinner.
Seymour, I have something
difficult I want to say to you.
I understand.
It can be very difficult for
a woman to propose marriage.
But I am willing to
go halvsies on a ring.
Seymour...
Excuse me.
Any of you lugs want to break
up with my boyfriend for me?
I'll buy you a beer.
Seymour, Edna asked me to talk to you.
Splendid! Shall we discuss
music or the weather?
No, this is about you.
Edna wants to break up.
- She wants to break up?
- Yeah.
- With me?
- Yeah.
Look at it this way: you're
a free man. Unlike me.
You have all your hair. Unlike me.
No kids tying you down
or a crippling mortgage
that you refinanced at 26%
because a dancing Internet
cowboy told you to.
Oh, God, I hate my life.
Gee, compared to you, my
life is one big half-day.
Exactly. You're good looking,
you have a decent job.
What lonely widow wouldn't
consider you an option?
Thanks, Homer. I don't think the school
pep squad could've cheered me up more,
and they were state runners up in 1997.
Homer, that was amazing.
He actually felt better coming out
of the breakup than he did going in.
Say, Homer, you're real good at this.
Think you could dump my
girlfriend Doreen for me?
Doreen. She's cheated on you with everyone.
Well, except for me. And
I've showered her with gifts--
fancy soaps and massage
oils and, uh, what have you.
Ooh, here she comes.
Work your magic, Homer.
- Is Lenny here?
- Oh, I'm afraid Lenny's dead.
What? I just talked to him.
And you will again, because
he isn't really dead.
And now this next piece
of news won't seem so bad.
- Lemonade!
- We want lemonade!
Don't worry, folks. Our master
chef is stirring up a fresh batch.
Stop that transaction!
I'm a part-time field agent with the
Springfield Department of Commerce.
- Great gig.
- It is a great gig.
May I see your vendor's license?
Um, I think it's...
We don't have one.
35 cents? Where did that come from?
Can't be mine. Must be yours.
I don't care if it's 45
cents, I don't want it.
Submit this form to
the License Bureau.
Until then, this stand is closed.
Boys.
Geez, I'm thirsty. You got any lemonade?
Not anymore!
BUREAU OF LICENSES AND PERMITS
DRIVE, MARRY AND HUNT,
ONLY $49,95
Come on already.
Come on, come on. I was halfway through
an operation when my license expired.
I'll get to you, just as soon as
I finish this crossword puzzle.
Ah, no, come on.
- Let's go, buddy.
- I left bananas in my car.
Let's see, uh, ten across:
"Franklin Roosevelt's middle name."
Excitement. Oh, wait, that don't fit.
Maybe you could use some help.
"FDR's middle name": "Delano."
"Oxidized surface":
Well, that's "rusty."
"Bartenders serve them 'dirty.'"
- Ham sandwiches!
- No, "martinis."
Oh, right.
One more word! "Singer
of Yentl," 13 letters.
I got it! "Isaac Bashevis!"
Now, give me my license!
Give everyone their license!
Whoo, what is a
four-letter word for "hero"?
- "Hero."
- Yes, but I meant "Lisa."
- Lisa!
- Lisa!
- Y'ello.
- Homer?
It's your old roommate, Grady.
- The gay guy?
- That's not all I am!
Well, it's a lot of what I am.
Any-hoo, I heard how good you
are at breaking up couples.
I need your help to break up with Julio,
'cause I met someone new, someone
much more cool and refreshing.
Got it. Marge, I'm going
to a hardcore gay club,
and I won't be home
till 3:00 in the morning!
Have fun!
Ay carumba!
Bart, I've fallen in
love with crosswords.
It finally happened. You've
gone completely fruit loops.
"Fruit Loops." That's the answer
to 38 down: "Toucan's delight."
No, I mean you're loco in the co.
- "Cocoa": "Ice rink drink."
- You're losing it!
"Losin' It": "Risque '80s teen flick."
Fine, go nuts, see if I care.
"Eye care":"Optician's concern."
Oh, thanks for your help, Bart.
"Bart": "San Francisco people mover."
Speaking of San
Francisco people mover...
Grady is breaking up with me?!
You'll always have a
special place in his heart!
In his what?
Oh, baby, you are the breakup king.
You-You have made the seven minutes that I'm
gonna go without love so much more bearable.
Anyone else want me to get
rid of that special someone?
Okay, everyone, rotate one to your right.
Guess what, Mom. I'm a cruciverbalist.
Another religion?
You know, you're just gonna drop the
whole thing when you go to college and
get a Jewish boyfriend.
Probably. But a cruciverbalist is a
fan of crossword puzzles, which I am!
Me, too! I been doing them since 1958.
Back then, we called
them Alphabet Hotels,
'cause every letter
gets its own little room.
I still do the Springfield
Shopperpuzzle every day.
Let's see there.
Grampa, everyone knows that
the only real test of skill
is the New York Timespuzzle,
edited by Will Shortz.
"Will" and
"shorts"--
two things I'm no longer
allowed to change by myself.
Okay, back to the real world.
- Isn't it beautiful?!
- Sure is.
- Who's driving the bus?
- What bus?
Sweet Conclusions
Breakup Service.
Oh, yes, we dispose of
your loved one humanely,
thanks to our patented
Tender Dump System.
TIME - ICE CREAM -
BOOZE - FLATTERY - LIES
I'll be there in 30 minutes,
or your breakup is free...!
MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER
MARRY ME, MISS HOOVER
SHE WANTS TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE
SNAKE + GLORIA
4EVER
SNAKE + GLORIA
4NEVER
Simpson!
What in the blue blazes are you
doing to my hopscotching grids?
I- I made them into a crossword.
Well, I'm a bit of a puzzle head myself.
They, uh, help me wind down after
a day of dealing with Skinner!
- You called?
- Made reference.
My mistake.
Lisa, I think you
might be ready for this.
"Bald Man's Basketball League"?
Hmm? Sorry, wrong flier. I meant this.
"Citywide Crossword Tournament"?
- Oh, thank you!
- Ah, you're welcome.
Now, uh, I have to go home and
make sure my pool boy is using his
skimmer!
- You called?
- You misheard.
My mistake.
Marge, if I had a hundred dollars
for every customer I'd broken up,
I'd have exactly this amount.
'Cause that's what I charge.
Homie, I'm not sure about
this new business of yours.
You're making it too easy for couples to break up
just because they hit a rough patch.
I know this is hard on you. But in time,
you'll come to see it's for the best.
That's one of your breakup lines!
What would have happened if there
was someone who could break us up
every time I had my doubts about you?
Who are you?
We are the spirits of the
relationships you killed.
We're the babies those
couples would have had.
And we're the antiques those
couples would have bought together.
Get him, chairs and babies!
Homie?
Marge, I'm getting out
of the breakup business.
And I don't know if I'll
ever sleep soundly again!
Well, maybe...
TODAY:
CROSSWORD CHAMPIONSHIPS
TOMORROW:
GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY
Wow, so this is what this is.
Cruciverbalists from far
and wide have gathered here
for a no-holds-barred
test of skill.
- Surely some holds are barred.
- No, none.
Well, it sounds really exciting,
and you're a delightful young lady.
Now if you'll excuse me.
Hey, what's going on?
It's kind of a secret, so
shut the door most of the way.
We found a way to make
this tournament interesting.
We bet on the matches.
Really? Well, I did bring
this envelope full of money.
And these days, betting in a
bar is safer than any stock,
bond or real estate investment.
Agreed. So, who are you gonna bet on?
I want you to put it
all on my little girl.
And parlay with the Asian kid.
- He has a name, you know.
- What is it?
I don't know. He's not my kid.
- I win!
- She won!
And like any prudent gambler,
I know when to walk away: never!
Okay, everybody, take a break.
Dad, I could actually win this thing!
And when you win, I win.
I'll explain that to
you on your deathbed.
My only fear is I always sabotage myself
when I'm on the verge of happiness.
- You what?
- In my young life,
I've seen that every time I'm
about to achieve true happiness,
some little piece of me says,
"You don't deserve this."
And another little
piece says, "I agree."
Right, right. But will it happen this time?
With my luck, I bet it will. It's practically a sure thing.
Contestants to your boards.
- Wish me luck.
- Just be yourself.
I want to change my bet. I'm
going against my daughter.
I'll take your money, but
I won't look you in the eye.
Fine. I won't look you in the eye.
- Have I made the bet yet?
- I got it.
We're down to our final two contestants.
But before they compete, we would
like to pay tribute to all the words
that have been removed from
the dictionary in the past year.
SKEDADDLE
NIXONIAN
ZOUNDS
MIMEOGRAPH
HOOTENANNY
You know, my wife Shirley, she's
the real crossword ace in our family.
Fills in those letters
fast as hail on a tin roof:
ping-ping-ping, she's done.
Ah, Shirley passed away two years
ago, but I'm still not over it.
Aw, that's so sad.
Hey, what can you do? Life
keeps changing the music,
but you gotta keep up
the cha-cha-cha, huh?
Let's see, I'll spread some Qs around.
That'll get my brain going.
Oh, I dropped my glasses. Oh,
Shirley, baby, I let you down.
Hey, there are no lenses in these glasses.
Let's see, that's "Enrico Fermi", and
there you've got the "Pet Shop Boys,"
and cross the T and zing the Z and
skit-skat skoodily I'm all the way home.
Lisa got hustled.
Oh, I blew it again.
She blew it again.
Here's your money... drenched
in your daughter's tears.
You know, for a bartender-bookie, you're awfully judgmental.
Boy, Dad seems awfully happy.
And there's something
different about him.
He bought new shoelaces
with fancy metal tips.
Dad, did you come into some
money we don't know about?
- No.
- You got highlights in your hair!
Uh... the sun did that.
And your car antenna has been
straightened and re-balled.
What's going on?
Well, sweetie, Daddy
made a little extra money
betting against you in
the crossword tournament.
You'll understand when you're a parent
placing large wagers against your own children.
I hope you're not mad.
No, I'm not mad.
You sure you're not mad?
No. I'm not mad.
You sure you're not mad?
No, I'm not mad.
Mr. Teddy, can you
ask Lisa if she's mad?
What's that, Mr. Teddy?
You're saying that you know women,
and that when women say they're
not mad, they're madder than ever?
Oh... she's gone.
Can you drive me home?
I'm a little drunk.
Lisa?
Lisa?!
Lisa, sweetie, please
look at your Daddy.
You stopped being my Daddy
as soon as you bet against me!
All I have now is a mom, which
is why I'm taking her maiden name!
From now on, I'm Lisa Bouvier!
Hey, Mr. S. Lisa B.
No...!
Would you like to buy some band candy?
Yes...!
Lisa's mad at me, and now she's using
Marge's maiden name instead of mine.
Homer, whatever you
done to that little girl,
you just gotta do something
even nicer to win her back.
She may never take back your name,
but there's still a chance
she'll take you back as a Daddy.
Wow, nobody gives better parenting
advice than childless drunks.
So the name "Lisa
Simpson" is available, huh?
Lotta goodwill attached to
that name. I gonna take it.
Lisa's Tavern, Lisa speaking.
Lisa, sweetie,
I'm honored that you chose my
name, but it's not that great.
Back in high school, the boys
used to call me Marge "Boobier."
Hey, Bouvier was Jackie
Kennedy's maiden name.
Really? I never knew that.
What did you think her name
was before it was Kennedy?
Jackie "O." Like SpaghettiOs.
I thought that was where
her money came from.
Look, why don't you cheer up by doing
a New York Times crossword puzzle, huh?
I'm through with crosswords.
My innocence died in
those 441 little boxes.
It might be a fun way
to kill a couple hours.
A couple hours? I can do the
Sunday puzzle in less than one hour.
A couple of hours.
43 MINUTES LATER
Last clue: "Loses on purpose."
Diets!
Oh, Will Shortz, you clever rascal.
And a new record time.
Wait a second.
"Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet."
Wow, it's almost as if
Dad planted that message.
No, it must just be a weird coincidence.
But what if it's not?
Oh, it must be.
Or mustn't it not?
Dad, I know this is crazy,
but did you plant a message to me in
the New York Times crossword puzzle?
Well, I had a little help from this guy.
New York Times Crossword Editor Will Shortz!
And master puzzle
constructor Merl Reagle!
I actually wrote that crossword.
And I edited it. Now
get back to crosswording!
Yes, sir.
Well, I must admit, I'm kind of touched.
"Dumb Dad Sorry For His Bet."
Nice.
You didn't get Homer's
whole message, Lisa.
- I didn't?
- Take a look
at the first letters of all the clues.
Dear Lisa,
you make me so happy
really, really, really happy.
Sorry, they told me
I needed 144 letters
What was my point again?
Oh, right.
Bouvier or Simpsons
I cherish you,
Oh, dad.