The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 19, Episode 18 - Any Given Sundance - full transcript
Lisa's documentary about her family is accepted into the Sundance Film Festival. However, her family gets upset with her when they discover that the film is far from flattering.
The Simpsons 1918 :
"Any Given Sundance"
Why do we have to
get here so early?
The football game
doesn't start for hours.
We're not here for the game.
The game is nothing.
The game is crap.
The game makes me sick!
The real reason we Americans
put up with sports is for this:
Behold the tailgate party,
the pinnacle of human achievement!
Since the dawn of parking lots,
man has sought to stuff his guts
with food and alcohol in anticipation
of watching others exercise.
What child birth is to women,
eating trunk meats
is to the bewanged.
What could be greater than
eating and drinking for hours
in a drizzly parking lot?
- Anything.
- No. Everything is better.
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
Daddy, I made
a Ralphwich!
It tastes hurty!
That's 'cause its' not food, ralphy.
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
It's food. It's food.
Everything's
what you say it is.
All right.
Time to dig in.
I brought everything we need.
It's just forks and plates.
- Didn't we bring any food?
- The food is all around us!
You brought us here to beg?
When you know the people
you're begging from, it's mooching.
Moleman! Come here,
ya big bag o' skin!
How the hell are ya, huh?
No kidding!
Well, that sounds like
you're going to have fun.
Springfield U sucks!
A&M cheerleaders are clumsy!
Your superstar professors treat
undergrads like an afterthought!
Your tenure track
is heavily politicized!
Oh, that's it!
Lisa, honey, just
because you're a girl
doesn't mean you can't
join in the fun.
Maggie and I are washing
the soiled foam fingers.
Well, I guess I could cut loose
and do a little homework.
I can start working
on my school video project.
The assignment is to film
the beauty of the everyday.
So let's see.
There's drama and inspiration
everywhere I look.
I am a born film maker!
Really
interesting stuff.
Three points out
of a possible five.
Ah, that's a funny joke,
Mr. Kincaid.
Is this an art class
or a comedy class?
- I can make it a two.
- Three it is!
You're the teacher,
and I accept your decision.
The man is an idiot!
Agreed. The film has everything:
emotion, conflict, Milhouse.
Lisa, you're a gifted film maker.
It's as if Ingmar Bergman
and Penny Marshall had a baby.
Principal Skinner, I didn't know
you knew so much about film.
Cinema is my secret passion.
I've even written a screenplay
or two on speculation.
When Edna Met Seymour,
Ghost Willie,
Killing Seymour's Mother,
The Principal Who Sold a Screenplay.
They sound great.
I'd love to read them sometime.
Unfortunately, the studios
have made it clear
they're not interested
in my work.
In fact, I'm... I'm no longer welcome
on the Universal Studios tour.
Orlando or Hollywood?
There's one in Hollywood?!
- Yeah, getting back to my grade
- Forget grades!
With the right subject,
you could be a great filmmaker.
What comes to mind
when you think of drama?
Well, according to Aristotle,
drama contains six elements:
- plot, theme, character....
- Not the smarty-pants answer.
Where's the drama in your life?
Okay, but can I just finish
the smarty-pants answer?
- No! In your life!
- My family!
Language, rhythm
and spectacle.
Family, eh? That's right!
Your brother is Bart Simpson,
one of Mrs. Krabappel's
fourth graders, and your father is
a local character of note.
Lisa, if you make a documentary
about your family, I can help you.
I'm giving you the key
to the AV cage.
This is so generous.
How can I ever repay you?
All I ask is,
if you ever win an Oscar...
give it to me.
Um, okay.
Those cabinetmakers laughed at me,
but they'll see.
Lisa, what are you doing?
I'm making a documentary
about a very special family.
- Smithers and Burns?
- No. Us!
- Can I be Smithers?
- No, Dad,
I want you to play
Homer Simpson.
Why, 'cause I'm fat?
I love documentaries!
Especially the one
that came with our lawnmower.
Although it was suspiciously
pro-lawnmower.
Okay, everyone,
just be yourself.
Don't look in the camera.
Pretend I'm not here and...
no toupees.
What, I'm going
for a Shia LaBeouf thing.
Not quite a nerd,
not quite a hunk...
Shia LaBeouf!
And let's roll.
Uh-oh, there's already
an on-set romance.
Homie, she's not
making a snuggle film.
Ew, Lisa,
make them stop!
I'm sorry, but as a filmmaker,
I have to face the truth.
I turn my camera on
I cut my fingers on the way
On the way
The way I'm slipping away
I turn my turn my feelings off
You made me untouchable for life
And you wasn't polite
It hit me like a tom
You hit me like a tom
No-no, no
- Skinner!
- Yes, Superintendent Chalmers?
I hear you've been encouraging
a student's creativity!
- Please, sir, I can explain...
- I'm thrilled!
Or would have been, if not
for your knee-jerk assumption
that I'm angry at you,
which I am now.
Anyway, we have got
to support Lisa Simpson's film.
This is our chance to finally show up
that fancy Springfield Creative
Arts Academy.
The whole school
is made up of modeling clay.
Every afternoon, they reshape it
just to get my goat.
Well, with some school band
music and added effects, we could
show Lisa's film at the public library.
Think bigger, Seymour.
Think film festivals.
You mean...
Banff?
Banff, Shmanff.
I'm talking about Sundance!
Sundance?!
The preeminent
independent film festival
held each January
in Park City, Utah?
Yes, the very same, yes.
If Lisa's movie gets in,
we won't just be the school
with the highest
hamster mortality rate.
Ah, so young.
We'll also have a kid
who did a thing.
I call this cue
"Homer's Lament."
What are you boys
doing on the Foley stage?
Awesome-ing up
your sound effects.
Okay, one more take.
Can we please
go to the next scene?
Oh, dear.
We're getting too many
mainstream movies.
When are we going
to see a submission
with the Sundance
independent film spirit?
"Paul Giamatti...
"is the world's
greatest superspy...
"who only exists
"in the mind
of an overweight agoraphobic
"jazz musician...
played by Martin Lawrence
in a fat suit."
Oh, okay, here's one
from Springfield,
made by a vegetarian...
intellectual misfit...
People, you know you have
to limit your gasps at this altitude.
Oh, and she's eight years old!
Stupid charities.
They think I'm going
to give them money?
Save the Children?
Save your breath.
Take a hike, Sierra Club.
Doctors without Borders?
Doctors without money!
Hey, Greenpeace, you're
not getting a piece of my green.
Robert Redford? Guess what.
A scissor runs through it.
Dad, no!
My movie got in!
I'm going
to the Sundance Film Festival!
Film festival, eh?
Aye, los DVDs!
With director's commentary
and deleted scenes!
Where'd everybody go?
I can't believe I'm a director
with a movie at Sundance.
Maybe I can finally
meet Jim Jarmusch
and ask him who he is.
Hey, that's him.
Who are you?
I try to answer that
question in my films.
What else?
I can eat a raw onion
without crying.
Prove it, Hollywood.
Hey, you're crying.
Yeah, but I'm crying
about something else.
What?
This is the last time
we'll ever be together.
These badges will get us into any
of the independent movies
playing at Sundance.
Ooh, Regularsville.
Sounds like my kind of place.
Oh, Candyland.
A great family game
is now a great family movie.
I get it.
Every title means the
opposite of what it means.
Then I bet I'll love
Chernobyl Graveyard.
I didn't.
This is it: my premiere.
We can't wait to see it, sweetie.
Oh, a documentary?
Passes, please.
Uh, we're with them.
You know these guys?
I've never seen them before.
Uh... we, uh...
He's...
He's, uh,
he's, uh...
That's a joke.
This can't be real.
It isn't. You crashed and now you're
lying unconscious in a snowbank.
Chalmskinn.
I'm Lisa Simpson,
and this is my family.
One, two, three.
Another chute?!
Why... doesn't... life...
give me... ladders?!
We never get more than
one move into this game.
What a wonderful film
about horrible people.
They're like the family from
hell on acid that's on steroids.
You stupid kid!
What if I walked
in here barefoot?
You did, Dad.
Happy birthday, Mom.
Thank you, dear.
Brava, Lisa!
Shame on Marge!
Death to Maggie!
Lisa, how could you?
I didn't mean it like that.
A lot of things got changed
in the editing room.
Proudly edited by Lisa Simpson.
Lisa, your movie exposed
our crappy side to the world.
I knew you were lame, but
I never imagined you were bogus.
Sweetie, I'm usually your #1 fan,
but... call me old-fashioned...
I usually don't like movies
that humiliate my family
in front of the world.
Oh... I was just trying
to accurately portray
my unique and quirky home life.
Quirky? Quirky is a grandma
who gives people the finger.
You made us look
like monsters.
Monsters!
Monsters!
Monsters!
Guys, guys, look,
it's a documentary.
Nobody outside of this festival
is ever going to hear about it.
"Lisa Simpson's unflinching,
darkly comic family portrait
"is the can't-miss hit
of the festival.
"Landspeeder, do not Bantha,
to your nearest cinema
"to see Lisa Simpson stab her family
in the back with her camera."
Don't you dare
post that review.
I'm sorry. You're too late.
I have just hit "enter," sending
the wi-fi beams along their way.
Not if I can help it.
Come here, beams, come on.
Hey, hey, where
you going? Come...
Oh, there's too many.
I just said
I was thinking of adopting
Scarlett Johansson. I mean, is
that so wrong?
Well, if we can't get into Sundance,
would you like to check out
its alternative cousin Slamdance?
I'd rather die.
There they are: the producers
of Capturing the Simpsons.
Your movie's great.
We want to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
This is it, Seymour,
the big deal.
Just play it cool.
Look, we want
to buy this movie
and we're prepared
to offer you anything.
We're prepared
to accept anything.
Name your price.
We want ten percent
of the first-dollar gross,
full European
distribution rights,
and access to the most exclusive
VIP tent in Sundance.
Way to make a
deal, Seymour.
They don't even know
that my pockets are full
of bottled water and cornbread.
Yes.
- It's them.
- Look at them walking around.
Ugh, they're so creepy.
Say something
dysfunctional!
Let me get a picture of
you strangling my kid.
No.
Hey, we pay your salary.
I never wanted to be famous
for being mean.
I wanted to be famous
for catching Santa Claus.
Let's just go back to the condo.
We have to wash the dishes
and do the sheets
so it's nice
for the next people.
I can't believe
what I've done.
Maybe deep down I always knew
how much this film would hurt them.
Maybe I'm the monster
this movie exposed.
Now what kind
of talk is that?
Oh, hi,
Mr. Jarmusch.
Lisa, I've been following your
family's turmoil closely, and I can relate.
My movies, like Stranger
than Paradise and Down by Law,
are also about social misfits
experiencing the dark side
of the American dream.
I'm doing it again in my next
film, Cheaper by the Dozen 3.
That doesn't sound
like your kind of movie.
It will be. Check out the poster.
So, do you think my family
will ever forgive me
for making them a laughingstock?
The answer to that is
where it always is: in a movie.
Let's take a look.
Nelson? He couldn't have made
a movie by himself.
Who helped him?
Chalmskinn.
Seymour Skinner never puts
all his eggs in one basket.
That's why they call me
"Two Basket" Skinner.
What? They do.
I'm Nelson.
This is my house.
This is the impound lot that my
house gets towed to every night.
Let's get going.
We got to swing by the Laundromat,
steal me a new bra.
You're going to be the classiest girl
at Classy Girls.
No, no, no,
don't go in there.
Oh, no, he did.
Oh, man, that
is messed up.
Whoa, what the
hell is that?
It's just a cat.
What?
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
now I see it.
Mom, there's
this school play tonight.
It's called Kids Are People Too,
and I play a grown-up who doesn't
think kids are people, too.
So if you want
to come...
Can't. I'm organizing
my Laramie Bucks.
If I want that golf umbrella,
I got to get to smoking.
Sometimes
I take the long way home,
past the happy people's houses.
I like to look inside and pretend
I have a family like theirs.
I like to cry at the ocean,
because only there
do my tears seem small.
Thank you, Mr. Jarmusch.
You have taught me
a valuable lesson:
that other people have bigger
family problems than I do.
True, but I was also teaching
you that festival buzz is,
like my movie Coffee and
Cigarettes, a funny thing.
- Did you see it?
- Well, I, uh...
That's okay. I know you did.
I like this movie
way better
than the one by that little girl
'cause I saw this one today.
Wow, I guess
Nelson's the hot thing now.
My movie will probably
never be seen.
Oh, it will... on select flights
by Alaska Airlines
and its regional partners.
Okay,
only its regional partners. The point is:
you made a great movie
and you ought to be proud.
And now, like the best
independent films,
I must fade out
with a cool dissolve.
That hurts.
Hey, Nelson, say
something poor.
Oh, thank God they're not
jeering at us anymore.
I know.
- Kind of miss it.
- I know!
We'll be in another movie, and
this time we'll act really bad.
No more
Simpsons movies.
One was plenty.
Are you guys
still mad at me?
We know you love us,
honey,
even though sometimes
you show it in a "quirky" way.
I'm not going
to lie to you guys.
John C. Reilly would love to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
Well, did you read
my script?
Read it? I lived it. I am Ghost Willie.
Check this out.
Fantastic. Gre... oh, bravo.
You nailed it.
I don't know. He, he
seems a little needy.
Pass.
We'll see you on the set.
Yes!
Chalmskinn.
Another hit.
Skinner!
Why can't you be
a gentle clinker?
"Any Given Sundance"
Why do we have to
get here so early?
The football game
doesn't start for hours.
We're not here for the game.
The game is nothing.
The game is crap.
The game makes me sick!
The real reason we Americans
put up with sports is for this:
Behold the tailgate party,
the pinnacle of human achievement!
Since the dawn of parking lots,
man has sought to stuff his guts
with food and alcohol in anticipation
of watching others exercise.
What child birth is to women,
eating trunk meats
is to the bewanged.
What could be greater than
eating and drinking for hours
in a drizzly parking lot?
- Anything.
- No. Everything is better.
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
- Anything!
- Everything!
Daddy, I made
a Ralphwich!
It tastes hurty!
That's 'cause its' not food, ralphy.
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
It's food. It's food.
Everything's
what you say it is.
All right.
Time to dig in.
I brought everything we need.
It's just forks and plates.
- Didn't we bring any food?
- The food is all around us!
You brought us here to beg?
When you know the people
you're begging from, it's mooching.
Moleman! Come here,
ya big bag o' skin!
How the hell are ya, huh?
No kidding!
Well, that sounds like
you're going to have fun.
Springfield U sucks!
A&M cheerleaders are clumsy!
Your superstar professors treat
undergrads like an afterthought!
Your tenure track
is heavily politicized!
Oh, that's it!
Lisa, honey, just
because you're a girl
doesn't mean you can't
join in the fun.
Maggie and I are washing
the soiled foam fingers.
Well, I guess I could cut loose
and do a little homework.
I can start working
on my school video project.
The assignment is to film
the beauty of the everyday.
So let's see.
There's drama and inspiration
everywhere I look.
I am a born film maker!
Really
interesting stuff.
Three points out
of a possible five.
Ah, that's a funny joke,
Mr. Kincaid.
Is this an art class
or a comedy class?
- I can make it a two.
- Three it is!
You're the teacher,
and I accept your decision.
The man is an idiot!
Agreed. The film has everything:
emotion, conflict, Milhouse.
Lisa, you're a gifted film maker.
It's as if Ingmar Bergman
and Penny Marshall had a baby.
Principal Skinner, I didn't know
you knew so much about film.
Cinema is my secret passion.
I've even written a screenplay
or two on speculation.
When Edna Met Seymour,
Ghost Willie,
Killing Seymour's Mother,
The Principal Who Sold a Screenplay.
They sound great.
I'd love to read them sometime.
Unfortunately, the studios
have made it clear
they're not interested
in my work.
In fact, I'm... I'm no longer welcome
on the Universal Studios tour.
Orlando or Hollywood?
There's one in Hollywood?!
- Yeah, getting back to my grade
- Forget grades!
With the right subject,
you could be a great filmmaker.
What comes to mind
when you think of drama?
Well, according to Aristotle,
drama contains six elements:
- plot, theme, character....
- Not the smarty-pants answer.
Where's the drama in your life?
Okay, but can I just finish
the smarty-pants answer?
- No! In your life!
- My family!
Language, rhythm
and spectacle.
Family, eh? That's right!
Your brother is Bart Simpson,
one of Mrs. Krabappel's
fourth graders, and your father is
a local character of note.
Lisa, if you make a documentary
about your family, I can help you.
I'm giving you the key
to the AV cage.
This is so generous.
How can I ever repay you?
All I ask is,
if you ever win an Oscar...
give it to me.
Um, okay.
Those cabinetmakers laughed at me,
but they'll see.
Lisa, what are you doing?
I'm making a documentary
about a very special family.
- Smithers and Burns?
- No. Us!
- Can I be Smithers?
- No, Dad,
I want you to play
Homer Simpson.
Why, 'cause I'm fat?
I love documentaries!
Especially the one
that came with our lawnmower.
Although it was suspiciously
pro-lawnmower.
Okay, everyone,
just be yourself.
Don't look in the camera.
Pretend I'm not here and...
no toupees.
What, I'm going
for a Shia LaBeouf thing.
Not quite a nerd,
not quite a hunk...
Shia LaBeouf!
And let's roll.
Uh-oh, there's already
an on-set romance.
Homie, she's not
making a snuggle film.
Ew, Lisa,
make them stop!
I'm sorry, but as a filmmaker,
I have to face the truth.
I turn my camera on
I cut my fingers on the way
On the way
The way I'm slipping away
I turn my turn my feelings off
You made me untouchable for life
And you wasn't polite
It hit me like a tom
You hit me like a tom
No-no, no
- Skinner!
- Yes, Superintendent Chalmers?
I hear you've been encouraging
a student's creativity!
- Please, sir, I can explain...
- I'm thrilled!
Or would have been, if not
for your knee-jerk assumption
that I'm angry at you,
which I am now.
Anyway, we have got
to support Lisa Simpson's film.
This is our chance to finally show up
that fancy Springfield Creative
Arts Academy.
The whole school
is made up of modeling clay.
Every afternoon, they reshape it
just to get my goat.
Well, with some school band
music and added effects, we could
show Lisa's film at the public library.
Think bigger, Seymour.
Think film festivals.
You mean...
Banff?
Banff, Shmanff.
I'm talking about Sundance!
Sundance?!
The preeminent
independent film festival
held each January
in Park City, Utah?
Yes, the very same, yes.
If Lisa's movie gets in,
we won't just be the school
with the highest
hamster mortality rate.
Ah, so young.
We'll also have a kid
who did a thing.
I call this cue
"Homer's Lament."
What are you boys
doing on the Foley stage?
Awesome-ing up
your sound effects.
Okay, one more take.
Can we please
go to the next scene?
Oh, dear.
We're getting too many
mainstream movies.
When are we going
to see a submission
with the Sundance
independent film spirit?
"Paul Giamatti...
"is the world's
greatest superspy...
"who only exists
"in the mind
of an overweight agoraphobic
"jazz musician...
played by Martin Lawrence
in a fat suit."
Oh, okay, here's one
from Springfield,
made by a vegetarian...
intellectual misfit...
People, you know you have
to limit your gasps at this altitude.
Oh, and she's eight years old!
Stupid charities.
They think I'm going
to give them money?
Save the Children?
Save your breath.
Take a hike, Sierra Club.
Doctors without Borders?
Doctors without money!
Hey, Greenpeace, you're
not getting a piece of my green.
Robert Redford? Guess what.
A scissor runs through it.
Dad, no!
My movie got in!
I'm going
to the Sundance Film Festival!
Film festival, eh?
Aye, los DVDs!
With director's commentary
and deleted scenes!
Where'd everybody go?
I can't believe I'm a director
with a movie at Sundance.
Maybe I can finally
meet Jim Jarmusch
and ask him who he is.
Hey, that's him.
Who are you?
I try to answer that
question in my films.
What else?
I can eat a raw onion
without crying.
Prove it, Hollywood.
Hey, you're crying.
Yeah, but I'm crying
about something else.
What?
This is the last time
we'll ever be together.
These badges will get us into any
of the independent movies
playing at Sundance.
Ooh, Regularsville.
Sounds like my kind of place.
Oh, Candyland.
A great family game
is now a great family movie.
I get it.
Every title means the
opposite of what it means.
Then I bet I'll love
Chernobyl Graveyard.
I didn't.
This is it: my premiere.
We can't wait to see it, sweetie.
Oh, a documentary?
Passes, please.
Uh, we're with them.
You know these guys?
I've never seen them before.
Uh... we, uh...
He's...
He's, uh,
he's, uh...
That's a joke.
This can't be real.
It isn't. You crashed and now you're
lying unconscious in a snowbank.
Chalmskinn.
I'm Lisa Simpson,
and this is my family.
One, two, three.
Another chute?!
Why... doesn't... life...
give me... ladders?!
We never get more than
one move into this game.
What a wonderful film
about horrible people.
They're like the family from
hell on acid that's on steroids.
You stupid kid!
What if I walked
in here barefoot?
You did, Dad.
Happy birthday, Mom.
Thank you, dear.
Brava, Lisa!
Shame on Marge!
Death to Maggie!
Lisa, how could you?
I didn't mean it like that.
A lot of things got changed
in the editing room.
Proudly edited by Lisa Simpson.
Lisa, your movie exposed
our crappy side to the world.
I knew you were lame, but
I never imagined you were bogus.
Sweetie, I'm usually your #1 fan,
but... call me old-fashioned...
I usually don't like movies
that humiliate my family
in front of the world.
Oh... I was just trying
to accurately portray
my unique and quirky home life.
Quirky? Quirky is a grandma
who gives people the finger.
You made us look
like monsters.
Monsters!
Monsters!
Monsters!
Guys, guys, look,
it's a documentary.
Nobody outside of this festival
is ever going to hear about it.
"Lisa Simpson's unflinching,
darkly comic family portrait
"is the can't-miss hit
of the festival.
"Landspeeder, do not Bantha,
to your nearest cinema
"to see Lisa Simpson stab her family
in the back with her camera."
Don't you dare
post that review.
I'm sorry. You're too late.
I have just hit "enter," sending
the wi-fi beams along their way.
Not if I can help it.
Come here, beams, come on.
Hey, hey, where
you going? Come...
Oh, there's too many.
I just said
I was thinking of adopting
Scarlett Johansson. I mean, is
that so wrong?
Well, if we can't get into Sundance,
would you like to check out
its alternative cousin Slamdance?
I'd rather die.
There they are: the producers
of Capturing the Simpsons.
Your movie's great.
We want to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
This is it, Seymour,
the big deal.
Just play it cool.
Look, we want
to buy this movie
and we're prepared
to offer you anything.
We're prepared
to accept anything.
Name your price.
We want ten percent
of the first-dollar gross,
full European
distribution rights,
and access to the most exclusive
VIP tent in Sundance.
Way to make a
deal, Seymour.
They don't even know
that my pockets are full
of bottled water and cornbread.
Yes.
- It's them.
- Look at them walking around.
Ugh, they're so creepy.
Say something
dysfunctional!
Let me get a picture of
you strangling my kid.
No.
Hey, we pay your salary.
I never wanted to be famous
for being mean.
I wanted to be famous
for catching Santa Claus.
Let's just go back to the condo.
We have to wash the dishes
and do the sheets
so it's nice
for the next people.
I can't believe
what I've done.
Maybe deep down I always knew
how much this film would hurt them.
Maybe I'm the monster
this movie exposed.
Now what kind
of talk is that?
Oh, hi,
Mr. Jarmusch.
Lisa, I've been following your
family's turmoil closely, and I can relate.
My movies, like Stranger
than Paradise and Down by Law,
are also about social misfits
experiencing the dark side
of the American dream.
I'm doing it again in my next
film, Cheaper by the Dozen 3.
That doesn't sound
like your kind of movie.
It will be. Check out the poster.
So, do you think my family
will ever forgive me
for making them a laughingstock?
The answer to that is
where it always is: in a movie.
Let's take a look.
Nelson? He couldn't have made
a movie by himself.
Who helped him?
Chalmskinn.
Seymour Skinner never puts
all his eggs in one basket.
That's why they call me
"Two Basket" Skinner.
What? They do.
I'm Nelson.
This is my house.
This is the impound lot that my
house gets towed to every night.
Let's get going.
We got to swing by the Laundromat,
steal me a new bra.
You're going to be the classiest girl
at Classy Girls.
No, no, no,
don't go in there.
Oh, no, he did.
Oh, man, that
is messed up.
Whoa, what the
hell is that?
It's just a cat.
What?
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
now I see it.
Mom, there's
this school play tonight.
It's called Kids Are People Too,
and I play a grown-up who doesn't
think kids are people, too.
So if you want
to come...
Can't. I'm organizing
my Laramie Bucks.
If I want that golf umbrella,
I got to get to smoking.
Sometimes
I take the long way home,
past the happy people's houses.
I like to look inside and pretend
I have a family like theirs.
I like to cry at the ocean,
because only there
do my tears seem small.
Thank you, Mr. Jarmusch.
You have taught me
a valuable lesson:
that other people have bigger
family problems than I do.
True, but I was also teaching
you that festival buzz is,
like my movie Coffee and
Cigarettes, a funny thing.
- Did you see it?
- Well, I, uh...
That's okay. I know you did.
I like this movie
way better
than the one by that little girl
'cause I saw this one today.
Wow, I guess
Nelson's the hot thing now.
My movie will probably
never be seen.
Oh, it will... on select flights
by Alaska Airlines
and its regional partners.
Okay,
only its regional partners. The point is:
you made a great movie
and you ought to be proud.
And now, like the best
independent films,
I must fade out
with a cool dissolve.
That hurts.
Hey, Nelson, say
something poor.
Oh, thank God they're not
jeering at us anymore.
I know.
- Kind of miss it.
- I know!
We'll be in another movie, and
this time we'll act really bad.
No more
Simpsons movies.
One was plenty.
Are you guys
still mad at me?
We know you love us,
honey,
even though sometimes
you show it in a "quirky" way.
I'm not going
to lie to you guys.
John C. Reilly would love to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
Well, did you read
my script?
Read it? I lived it. I am Ghost Willie.
Check this out.
Fantastic. Gre... oh, bravo.
You nailed it.
I don't know. He, he
seems a little needy.
Pass.
We'll see you on the set.
Yes!
Chalmskinn.
Another hit.
Skinner!
Why can't you be
a gentle clinker?