The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Song of the Motor Pool - full transcript
Bilko hears Paparelli singing a song and is convinced he's found a new song for the motor pool. He enters the platoon into an army song contest. But it soon becomes clear that Paparelli's song might not be a new find after all.
We will sing one song,
for my old Kentucky Home.
For my old Kentucky
Home far away, so far away.
And then Stephen Foster
dipped his melodic pen
into his magical
inkwell and he wrote
That's enough. Next,
the Company B Minstrels.
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
We haven't finished yet sir.
Sergeant, you did 6 songs.
But this is a salute
to Stephen Foster.
But sergeant I have a
dozen other camps to cover.
But sir, watch how
cleverly we worked it in,
how weaved in and out.
Boys just take another...
But sir we haven't
All right. So far away.
So far away.
We continue our journey
along Stephen Foster land,
and what do we
hear? Yeeh! Bruuh!
They're off!
De Camptown
ladies sing this song.
Doo dah, doo dah.
Camptown Race
Track 5 miles long.
Oh, de doo dah day.
That's enough next.
Oh, de doo dah day!
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
We're coming to the
big surprise finish,
the unexpected. You already did.
I didn't expect to
be here all night.
Oh the Captain has
a sense of humor.
Boys just one more
minute we're out.
All right now,
somebody bet on the bay.
Somebody bet on the bay...
And then Sir, I stroll
along as Stephen Foster
along the river bank.
I meet a young boy
carrying a bale of cotton.
You didn't expect
this, did you sir?
And I say to him, little boy,
what is the name of this river?
The Swanee River.
What a name for a song.
Plink a plinka plink a plinka.
Down plink a
planka plink a plinka
Way down upon the Swanee River.
That's all, next.
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching...
Sir, we're just not
finished yet, sir.
But sergeant you were
finished an hour ago.
Sir, this is the big punch.
This is thing we were, boys
believe me, just a second.
All right boys one, two.
- Good heavens, now what!
- Tell him!
Beautiful dreamer...
Stop! That's enough.
Look, Sergeant, I know
you'd like to come to New York
for our show, but your
group just hasn't got
what we're looking for.
- But sir you didn't...
- Give somebody else a chance!
- But sir...
- Next!
Oh when the saint!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
Sailing down the river.
I can't understand and
we sang like angels.
- Don't take it so hard, Ernie.
- So, we blew it Sarge.
You blew it. Do you why?
They send out a captain with
a tin ear to find talent scout.
I guarantee you, if you
line up the Crosby brothers
in front of him,
he'd pick up Everett!
Now we gave it a good
try. Forget about it, Sarge.
Forget about the sites I
wanted to show you in New York,
the George Washington
bridge, the Empire State building,
the Holland Tunnel,
tattooed all over her body!
Now I just have to
take my word for it.
Well, maybe the next singing
contest we'll win Sarge, but we...
We've got no chance.
We're in the wrong
branch of the service,
The Motor Pool,
we've got no song!
What do you mean?
What do you mean by that?
We've got no song
that belongs to us.
What chance have we
got against the Air Force
with their off we go
into the wild blue yonder!
The Navy, you can't turn on
TV without seeing the Navy
in their blue and gold
singing Anchors Away.
Now, how are we're
going to get out on TV?
- Join the navy.
- Jeez that was clever.
Did you think at
all by yourself?
- Sarge, all I...
- Oh just shut up!
Stop being a wise guy.
We've got enough
wise guys on this post.
Don't see what we need, we
needed our own original song
that's identified
with the Motor Pool.
Who's that?
That's Papparelli
taking a shower.
See what I mean, they
don't write marches like that.
If we'd a march like that, it
makes you want to match.
It's got something. Anybody
know the name of it?
I've never even heard it before.
See what I mean,
it's got a spring.
They don't write
marches like that.
We can catch that song first,
identify it with the Motor Pool.
We can put words to it.
Like, in War and Peace,
give us oil and grease,
and you'll find the Motor Pool.
Yes. That's wonderful.
Of course it is wonderful.
Guys, if we had our
own Motor Pool song,
can't you just picture us
introducing it on that Army TV show?
Sarge, why does it
have to be a march?
Why can't it be Rock and Roll?
Maybe, never thought
of that, let me think.
I met my baby, down
at the Motor Pool.
I said I met my baby
down at the Motor Pool.
And what my baby taught me,
you can learn at mechanics school.
- You've got to rock.
- You've got to rock.
- You've got to roll.
- You've got roll.
You've got to rock.
You've got roll.
You've got to rock.
Wait a minute...
Sarge, that's great.
What a big hit!
Are you out of your mind, a
rock and roll service song?
Sure, great for recruiting
teenagers, Sarge.
That's all we need.
We'd have a standing army
of 2 million Elvis Presleys.
Tell you what, a service
song has got to have dignity.
How about a waltz,
that's dignified.
Waltz?
- In war and in peace
- The Motor Pool.
- Who shoots the grease.
- The Motor Pool.
- Who do they admire?
- The Motor Pool.
- Can we fix a tire.
- The Motor Pool.
- Ah, no it's not good.
- The Motor Pool.
Hold on! Stop, you
can't go that way.
- The Motor Pool.
- Stop.
- That's great.
- Sure, it's great.
It always was great.
It's the Blue Danube.
We're half-way back
to Stephen Foster.
He must be going star
crazy to think, oh forget it.
Hit him sack, come on.
Hey, what was all
that racket out here?
Nothing. Any hot water left?
- Sure.
- Get me my talcum powder.
- Hey, Dino.
- Yeah.
What was that song
you were singing in there?
- What song?
- That thing, dah, dah,
I don't know I just
heard you doing it.
Oh that I've been
singing that for years.
- So?
- I made it up myself.
Oh, you gave me foot
powder for, I asked for talcum.
- He made it up himself.
- He made it up himself.
- Sarge, we could do...
- Shh!
- Hey Dino.
- Yeah.
You made that up yourself?
- Yeah, why?
- Why?
Boys, give a big hand
to the new composer
of the Motor Pool official song.
Yeeeh!
It was not that
good. It was nothing.
Oh it's better. How does it go?
One second.
Come here Zimmerman
you can write music.
Sure. Take this down.
Go ahead.
Take it from the beginning.
Come on take it from the.
It's funny, ta, ta.
It's funny; I just can't
seem to remember it.
- He can't remember it.
- Shut up!
You'll scare it out of him.
Go ahead take your time.
You said you've been it singing
it for years, now go ahead.
Sarge, it only comes to me
when I'm taking a shower.
Goodnight, Sarge.
Okay, get him into the shower.
I just had a shower.
I just had one I
swear, I just had one.
- Do you hear anything yet?
- Not a sound.
Papparelli, Papparelli!
- Sarge, can I come out now?
- No, you've got to think.
Concentrate! Concentrate!
- Zimmerman!
- Yeah.
- Take down every note.
- The notes are running.
It doesn't matter, take down.
Get back in there.
Hey Sarge, you can't leave them.
They're going to
wrinkle out like prunes.
Shut up. I think he is humming.
Wait a minute, can
you hear anything?
Oh come on, Papparelli!
Sarge, my mind's so blank.
But you said you've been
singing the song for years.
I can only sing
up when I'm alone.
I've got stage fright.
Zimmerman, out of there.
I can understand.
Now, look, why don't
we leave him alone?
Hey, why don't we
go down to the P.X?
Good idea.
The shower is all yours.
The bath, you're alone.
You're a king in
your own castle, ah.
Come fellas, let's
go down to P.X.
Bye, Dino.
Hey I thought you guys said,
you're supposed to be gone.
- Sarge, it's no use.
- All right, get out of here.
Come on, get out. Look he tried.
You can't, you know, you
can't get blood out of a stone.
Why don't you
learn once to listen?
- I'm sorry Sarge.
- Forget it Dino, forget it.
I'm sorry.
Look, you know me with
my crazy ideas, I try some.
Forget, look, take
it out of your mind.
You've got more important
things to worry about
than a silly song, go on.
Thank you Sarge, well I'm sorry.
Go ahead and
get some. I'm sorry.
We'll think of something,
how about oh Susanna.
- Oh Susanna.
- Listen, is he gone?
This shower is off limits
to everybody from now on
except Papparelli.
Hey Sarge, you mean
nobody can take a shower
until he remembers that song?
- Nobody.
- Oh boy!
Make a note, I've got to
hose him down once a week.
If he's in the shower
alone and he thinks
we've forgotten the song, it
will come out of him naturally.
Do you understand?
Yeah, but Sarge, if he sings
it all alone with nobody here,
how are we going to hear it?
I'd thought of that.
Palmer!
- Yeah.
Can you hook up a
microphone into that shower?
Sure Sarge.
I'll go down to send
a special service
and I've got a
recording machine.
Hook it up in my room
well. Now can you do that?
Absolutely.
Anything he sings in that
shower, will be on a Bilko label.
Can you handle it genius?
- Yeah.
At it boy, relax like
nothing happened.
- You've got it hooked Palmer?
- Yes Sarge.
The microphone is
under the soap dish.
Good boy, good boy,
now keep it warm.
Now, what I will do is get
Papparelli into the shower.
Hey Sarge, Papparelli is here.
Good, keep it warm.
I'll get him into the show.
But Sarge, after
yesterday Papparelli says
he don't want to see
a shower for a month.
You're going to let
me handle it please?
Just keep it warm and
get ready to turn it up.
- Eeh, hey Dino?
- Hey Sarge, where is everybody?
I guess they're in
town goofing off.
- Boy it's hot today, huh?
- Yeah.
It makes you
feel sticky all over.
Yeah. It's the humidity.
Yeah I guess.
Dino really, getting
a little careless.
Oh no, no Sarge.
You don't want to get too game.
You're living with
other men you know.
No, no Sarge.
It's my skin is so dry
from all those showers
I took last night.
- Maybe you ought to, almost forgot.
- What?
I've got a date for
you in town tonight?
A date for me?
Yeah, you better
shower up, freshen up
and we'll go over meet her.
- She's dying to meet you.
- No, I'm clean.
I'll just change my shirt
and I'll go right with you.
Oh, all right. I'll
polish my shoes.
You've got any polish?
- Oh yeah, here.
- Is that the color Ox's blood?
- Yeah that's Ox's blood.
Good, look, when
you meet this girl
don't get too excited,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Listen the girls that you meet,
oh I'm sorry, what did I do?
Oh that's all right Sarge.
No, I want you to
look, oh look what I did.
- That's alright Sarge.
- No, no it's not fine.
I've got to clean you.
Where is the towel?
No, no I'll get it.
You see when you meet, oh
my goodness I keep getting.
I don't know isn’t that a shame!
Look, that's alright Sarge.
No, no maybe you want to
freshen up; with the shower, huh?
Sarge, you better go without me.
I just couldn't face
another shower.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe Suzanne will
be too much for you.
- Suzanne?
- Yeah, Suzanne Lamour.
Suzanne Lamour,
it sounds French.
Well, that was the
name on the registration
of that convertible
Jaguar she's got.
She's got a jaguar? No kidding!
Hey, maybe that's why
she likes you so much.
You're just small
enough to fit in the Jaguar.
Wow!
Gosh, you'll have
to nuzzle real close.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know you, oh wait a minute.
- Forget it.
- Forget what?
Well sorry I excited you.
I just remembered
some things she said.
No, you forget it.
- What?
Well I heard her
say that small Italians
drive her out of her mind.
I'm Italian.
Dino Papparelli?
Of cou... how could it
have slipped my mind?
Come on, take a shower.
Do you know what else she said?
- What did she say?
She said your romantic
eyes look like two...
- Hey fellows get ready when.
- What else did she say?
I will tell you later.
Okay, turn it on. Be quiet!
Oh Susanna,
don't you cry for me.
I'll be riding in your Jaguar
and you'll be on my knee.
I built it up too much.
It's all on his mind. He'll
get to it, wait a minute.
Hi hi hee, Suzanne Lamour and me
and the Jaguar go rolling along
Sarge, we're gonna
be here all night.
Quiet, we've got plenty
of tape, just be quiet.
That's it. Turn it off.
Paper, pencils, I've
got to write words to this.
Oh go ahead and tell him
Suzanne changed her mind.
Got it at the beginning?
Let me hear from the beginning.
Ta... ta... ta... in
the time of war...
No matter where we are.
Good Sugie, good.
No matter where
we are in time of war,
no matter where you are, good.
Yes, yes operator it's
the Capt. Buckmaster.
I'm calling him person
to person Thank you.
And remember fellows sing
like you've never sang before.
This is the key, da,
da remember that.
Hello, hello sir.
Capt. Buckmaster, this is
Sgt. Bilko sir, Fort Baxter.
Yes sir. What was that sir?
Oh yes sir, Stephen Foster.
He remembers who we are.
Sir we want you hear. Sir,
we would like you to hear.
Sir, hallo, hallo!
Sarge, what's, what's matter?
- Forget it, we're off the air.
- It was such a good song too.
Good, it was great.
Sarge, maybe we let
the Colonel hear it first.
Not a chance.
But if we sing it
for him he will flip.
Sure, he can pressure
that captain to put us
on that Army TV
program in New York.
Don't you guys
remember anything?
You know the Colonel
suspects everything I do.
If I contribute to
the Red Cross,
he thinks I'm
betting on a disaster.
It'll never work.
If I go to him and tell him we want
to do that song on that TV show,
he'll think it's just to
get us to New York.
He'll think it's a
gimmick. It'll never work.
He'll never let us
use that song, unless.
- Unless?
- Unless he wrote it.
How can he write
it? It's already written.
Papparelli wrote it.
No, you don't understand.
He'll write it by osmosis.
Osmosis, what's that?
We'll sneak it into his
brain, phrase by phrase
without him even
being aware of it.
Here is what we
do. Listen to me.
Call me when
dinner is ready dear.
Dinner dear.
Coming.
Looks like rain dear.
Did you have a nice day dear?
Wonderful, and I think Bilko
he's given up trying to fox me.
- Goodnight dear.
- Goodnight.
Morning colonel?
Good morning.
Morning sir, duty roster sir.
Oh all right.
Here you are, what's the matter?
That melody sir is awfully
catchy, what is that?
Oh, just something I thought up.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
It's been running
through my mind.
Oh it has a
wonderful lilt to it.
How it going again?
No.
Why sir, that's a sure hit.
I heard once and I
know it already, sir.
Oh that is nothing.
It just sort of, came
right out of the air.
Oh really?
Sir, would you mind if I
put some words to that?
- Of course if you want to.
- Thank you.
Zimmerman on the double.
Take down every
note, every golden note.
Oh it's nothing really.
Oh sir, give us a chance
before Irving Berlin
or Oscar Hammerstein do it.
Will you please sir?
- All right.
Take this down.
- You got that?
- Yeah.
Gentlemen, for the first time
Colonel John T.
Hall's original song,
"The Song of The
Motor Pool. Gentlemen.
In the time of war no
matter where you are,
you'll find the Motor Pool.
In the thick of fight,
keeping engines right,
always steady ever cool.
Though the bombs are
dropping, no trucks are stopping,
because we are there
to give them oil and fuel.
Through the smoke and
glare, we're always there.
It's The Song Of The Motor Pool.
Thank you.
It sounded pretty
good didn't it?
Really good sir, I'm
afraid the TV critics will be
a little more enthusiastic
than just pretty good
when they hear it on
the TV Army show, sir.
TV Army show, well I haven't
made any arrangement, right?
But sir surely a
call from you will...
Imagine introducing for the
first time a new service song.
Yes, I'll call him.
Find out who...
It's Capt. Buckmaster sir.
- Find out where.
- He's in Fort Monmouth, sir.
He'll be in Fort
Skylar tomorrow sir.
Yes, yes.
As I was saying fellows,
she's got the George
Washington bridge you know.
What's the use
of talking about it,
you'll see for yourself tomorrow
when we get to New York.
B sharp. Sir.
Well Bilko, are the men ready?
Just raring to go, sir.
I hope you have your thank you
speech when they start yelling.
"Author, author" sir.
Well, I thought I'd
simply say, "Thank you,"
and then give you men credit
for coming up with the words.
Oh the words it was
nothing it was the melody.
- Jack! Jack Hall!
- Oh General Miller?
Did you come all the
way up from Washington?
All the way? This
is the greatest day
in the history of the
Transportation Corps.
At last, our own
song and you did it.
Well, the men really
came up with the words.
Oh sir may I interrupt,
the words were nothing.
It was the melody that
counted sir, thank you sir.
We've arranged to
have copies made,
and given to every
man in the corps.
The sheet music is going
to have your picture on it.
Oh we're ready to
go on Gen. Miller.
Congratulations, Buckmaster,
you certainly dug up that talent.
Yes, isn't it wonderful?
I'm just as anxious to
hear it as you are sir.
Well it's almost time, come you
gentlemen we'll be on the dais.
Oh sergeant, I'm giving
you the most important spot,
right after the men
from Monmouth.
Thank you very much sir.
The Army on Parade.
First to fight for the right
and to build the nation's might,
and the army goes rolling along.
And tonight, you'll hear
the Fort Baxter
Motor Pool Platoon
introduce a brand
new service song,
"The song of the Motor Pool,"
and then you will see the
man who wrote this song,
Colonel John T. Hall.
Well here to begin our show,
here is the Fort
Monmouth Signal Corp choir
under the direction of Sgt.
Thomas McMahon, sergeant.
Thank you.
For our first number,
we would like to sing,
the official "Signal Corps
Song" written 30 years ago
by Mrs. Dawson Olmstead.
Shout out the slogan
of the Signal Corps,
get the message through.
Fight till our enemies
can fight no more.
That's what we've got to do.
In the time of war no
matter where you are,
there you'll find
the Signal Corps!
When the long lines
file weary mile by mile,
they're the ones
who are at the fore,
when there's big news
coming and buzzers humming,
when Springfield's rattle
and the big guns roar.
With a flash and
flare, over land and air,
comes the word
that's the Signal Corp.
It's the song of the Motor Pool.
I want the high note.
See, when you do the high note,
Colonel, so you
better be out there sir.
They're all waiting for you,
when they yell "author" sir,
you won't be there
sir. I can't hear sir.
I'll close the door, but
I'm sure they want to see.
Hey, isn't that nice?
Signal Corps?
Signal Corps? —Signal Corps
- Papparelli!
- Yes Sarge.
Papparelli, where
were you stationed
before you came to Fort Baxter?
Fort Monmouth Signal Corp.
Signal Corp, take a message.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
the moment that all of
us have been waiting for.
Here is the new melody,
which will sweep the nation,
on with the show Sgt. Bilko.
Way down upon
the Swanee River...
far, far away.
We haven't finished
yet, we just started.
This is where my heart is gone.
That's where it
all goes to stay.
Ooh!
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:
Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.
John Silo as Marcel Boudreaux,
Susanne Cobb as Mrs. Boudreaux
and Sandy Kenyon as Charlie.
for my old Kentucky Home.
For my old Kentucky
Home far away, so far away.
And then Stephen Foster
dipped his melodic pen
into his magical
inkwell and he wrote
That's enough. Next,
the Company B Minstrels.
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
We haven't finished yet sir.
Sergeant, you did 6 songs.
But this is a salute
to Stephen Foster.
But sergeant I have a
dozen other camps to cover.
But sir, watch how
cleverly we worked it in,
how weaved in and out.
Boys just take another...
But sir we haven't
All right. So far away.
So far away.
We continue our journey
along Stephen Foster land,
and what do we
hear? Yeeh! Bruuh!
They're off!
De Camptown
ladies sing this song.
Doo dah, doo dah.
Camptown Race
Track 5 miles long.
Oh, de doo dah day.
That's enough next.
Oh, de doo dah day!
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
We're coming to the
big surprise finish,
the unexpected. You already did.
I didn't expect to
be here all night.
Oh the Captain has
a sense of humor.
Boys just one more
minute we're out.
All right now,
somebody bet on the bay.
Somebody bet on the bay...
And then Sir, I stroll
along as Stephen Foster
along the river bank.
I meet a young boy
carrying a bale of cotton.
You didn't expect
this, did you sir?
And I say to him, little boy,
what is the name of this river?
The Swanee River.
What a name for a song.
Plink a plinka plink a plinka.
Down plink a
planka plink a plinka
Way down upon the Swanee River.
That's all, next.
Oh when the saints!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching...
Sir, we're just not
finished yet, sir.
But sergeant you were
finished an hour ago.
Sir, this is the big punch.
This is thing we were, boys
believe me, just a second.
All right boys one, two.
- Good heavens, now what!
- Tell him!
Beautiful dreamer...
Stop! That's enough.
Look, Sergeant, I know
you'd like to come to New York
for our show, but your
group just hasn't got
what we're looking for.
- But sir you didn't...
- Give somebody else a chance!
- But sir...
- Next!
Oh when the saint!
Oh when the saints!
Come marching in!
Come marching in!
Sailing down the river.
I can't understand and
we sang like angels.
- Don't take it so hard, Ernie.
- So, we blew it Sarge.
You blew it. Do you why?
They send out a captain with
a tin ear to find talent scout.
I guarantee you, if you
line up the Crosby brothers
in front of him,
he'd pick up Everett!
Now we gave it a good
try. Forget about it, Sarge.
Forget about the sites I
wanted to show you in New York,
the George Washington
bridge, the Empire State building,
the Holland Tunnel,
tattooed all over her body!
Now I just have to
take my word for it.
Well, maybe the next singing
contest we'll win Sarge, but we...
We've got no chance.
We're in the wrong
branch of the service,
The Motor Pool,
we've got no song!
What do you mean?
What do you mean by that?
We've got no song
that belongs to us.
What chance have we
got against the Air Force
with their off we go
into the wild blue yonder!
The Navy, you can't turn on
TV without seeing the Navy
in their blue and gold
singing Anchors Away.
Now, how are we're
going to get out on TV?
- Join the navy.
- Jeez that was clever.
Did you think at
all by yourself?
- Sarge, all I...
- Oh just shut up!
Stop being a wise guy.
We've got enough
wise guys on this post.
Don't see what we need, we
needed our own original song
that's identified
with the Motor Pool.
Who's that?
That's Papparelli
taking a shower.
See what I mean, they
don't write marches like that.
If we'd a march like that, it
makes you want to match.
It's got something. Anybody
know the name of it?
I've never even heard it before.
See what I mean,
it's got a spring.
They don't write
marches like that.
We can catch that song first,
identify it with the Motor Pool.
We can put words to it.
Like, in War and Peace,
give us oil and grease,
and you'll find the Motor Pool.
Yes. That's wonderful.
Of course it is wonderful.
Guys, if we had our
own Motor Pool song,
can't you just picture us
introducing it on that Army TV show?
Sarge, why does it
have to be a march?
Why can't it be Rock and Roll?
Maybe, never thought
of that, let me think.
I met my baby, down
at the Motor Pool.
I said I met my baby
down at the Motor Pool.
And what my baby taught me,
you can learn at mechanics school.
- You've got to rock.
- You've got to rock.
- You've got to roll.
- You've got roll.
You've got to rock.
You've got roll.
You've got to rock.
Wait a minute...
Sarge, that's great.
What a big hit!
Are you out of your mind, a
rock and roll service song?
Sure, great for recruiting
teenagers, Sarge.
That's all we need.
We'd have a standing army
of 2 million Elvis Presleys.
Tell you what, a service
song has got to have dignity.
How about a waltz,
that's dignified.
Waltz?
- In war and in peace
- The Motor Pool.
- Who shoots the grease.
- The Motor Pool.
- Who do they admire?
- The Motor Pool.
- Can we fix a tire.
- The Motor Pool.
- Ah, no it's not good.
- The Motor Pool.
Hold on! Stop, you
can't go that way.
- The Motor Pool.
- Stop.
- That's great.
- Sure, it's great.
It always was great.
It's the Blue Danube.
We're half-way back
to Stephen Foster.
He must be going star
crazy to think, oh forget it.
Hit him sack, come on.
Hey, what was all
that racket out here?
Nothing. Any hot water left?
- Sure.
- Get me my talcum powder.
- Hey, Dino.
- Yeah.
What was that song
you were singing in there?
- What song?
- That thing, dah, dah,
I don't know I just
heard you doing it.
Oh that I've been
singing that for years.
- So?
- I made it up myself.
Oh, you gave me foot
powder for, I asked for talcum.
- He made it up himself.
- He made it up himself.
- Sarge, we could do...
- Shh!
- Hey Dino.
- Yeah.
You made that up yourself?
- Yeah, why?
- Why?
Boys, give a big hand
to the new composer
of the Motor Pool official song.
Yeeeh!
It was not that
good. It was nothing.
Oh it's better. How does it go?
One second.
Come here Zimmerman
you can write music.
Sure. Take this down.
Go ahead.
Take it from the beginning.
Come on take it from the.
It's funny, ta, ta.
It's funny; I just can't
seem to remember it.
- He can't remember it.
- Shut up!
You'll scare it out of him.
Go ahead take your time.
You said you've been it singing
it for years, now go ahead.
Sarge, it only comes to me
when I'm taking a shower.
Goodnight, Sarge.
Okay, get him into the shower.
I just had a shower.
I just had one I
swear, I just had one.
- Do you hear anything yet?
- Not a sound.
Papparelli, Papparelli!
- Sarge, can I come out now?
- No, you've got to think.
Concentrate! Concentrate!
- Zimmerman!
- Yeah.
- Take down every note.
- The notes are running.
It doesn't matter, take down.
Get back in there.
Hey Sarge, you can't leave them.
They're going to
wrinkle out like prunes.
Shut up. I think he is humming.
Wait a minute, can
you hear anything?
Oh come on, Papparelli!
Sarge, my mind's so blank.
But you said you've been
singing the song for years.
I can only sing
up when I'm alone.
I've got stage fright.
Zimmerman, out of there.
I can understand.
Now, look, why don't
we leave him alone?
Hey, why don't we
go down to the P.X?
Good idea.
The shower is all yours.
The bath, you're alone.
You're a king in
your own castle, ah.
Come fellas, let's
go down to P.X.
Bye, Dino.
Hey I thought you guys said,
you're supposed to be gone.
- Sarge, it's no use.
- All right, get out of here.
Come on, get out. Look he tried.
You can't, you know, you
can't get blood out of a stone.
Why don't you
learn once to listen?
- I'm sorry Sarge.
- Forget it Dino, forget it.
I'm sorry.
Look, you know me with
my crazy ideas, I try some.
Forget, look, take
it out of your mind.
You've got more important
things to worry about
than a silly song, go on.
Thank you Sarge, well I'm sorry.
Go ahead and
get some. I'm sorry.
We'll think of something,
how about oh Susanna.
- Oh Susanna.
- Listen, is he gone?
This shower is off limits
to everybody from now on
except Papparelli.
Hey Sarge, you mean
nobody can take a shower
until he remembers that song?
- Nobody.
- Oh boy!
Make a note, I've got to
hose him down once a week.
If he's in the shower
alone and he thinks
we've forgotten the song, it
will come out of him naturally.
Do you understand?
Yeah, but Sarge, if he sings
it all alone with nobody here,
how are we going to hear it?
I'd thought of that.
Palmer!
- Yeah.
Can you hook up a
microphone into that shower?
Sure Sarge.
I'll go down to send
a special service
and I've got a
recording machine.
Hook it up in my room
well. Now can you do that?
Absolutely.
Anything he sings in that
shower, will be on a Bilko label.
Can you handle it genius?
- Yeah.
At it boy, relax like
nothing happened.
- You've got it hooked Palmer?
- Yes Sarge.
The microphone is
under the soap dish.
Good boy, good boy,
now keep it warm.
Now, what I will do is get
Papparelli into the shower.
Hey Sarge, Papparelli is here.
Good, keep it warm.
I'll get him into the show.
But Sarge, after
yesterday Papparelli says
he don't want to see
a shower for a month.
You're going to let
me handle it please?
Just keep it warm and
get ready to turn it up.
- Eeh, hey Dino?
- Hey Sarge, where is everybody?
I guess they're in
town goofing off.
- Boy it's hot today, huh?
- Yeah.
It makes you
feel sticky all over.
Yeah. It's the humidity.
Yeah I guess.
Dino really, getting
a little careless.
Oh no, no Sarge.
You don't want to get too game.
You're living with
other men you know.
No, no Sarge.
It's my skin is so dry
from all those showers
I took last night.
- Maybe you ought to, almost forgot.
- What?
I've got a date for
you in town tonight?
A date for me?
Yeah, you better
shower up, freshen up
and we'll go over meet her.
- She's dying to meet you.
- No, I'm clean.
I'll just change my shirt
and I'll go right with you.
Oh, all right. I'll
polish my shoes.
You've got any polish?
- Oh yeah, here.
- Is that the color Ox's blood?
- Yeah that's Ox's blood.
Good, look, when
you meet this girl
don't get too excited,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Listen the girls that you meet,
oh I'm sorry, what did I do?
Oh that's all right Sarge.
No, I want you to
look, oh look what I did.
- That's alright Sarge.
- No, no it's not fine.
I've got to clean you.
Where is the towel?
No, no I'll get it.
You see when you meet, oh
my goodness I keep getting.
I don't know isn’t that a shame!
Look, that's alright Sarge.
No, no maybe you want to
freshen up; with the shower, huh?
Sarge, you better go without me.
I just couldn't face
another shower.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe Suzanne will
be too much for you.
- Suzanne?
- Yeah, Suzanne Lamour.
Suzanne Lamour,
it sounds French.
Well, that was the
name on the registration
of that convertible
Jaguar she's got.
She's got a jaguar? No kidding!
Hey, maybe that's why
she likes you so much.
You're just small
enough to fit in the Jaguar.
Wow!
Gosh, you'll have
to nuzzle real close.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know you, oh wait a minute.
- Forget it.
- Forget what?
Well sorry I excited you.
I just remembered
some things she said.
No, you forget it.
- What?
Well I heard her
say that small Italians
drive her out of her mind.
I'm Italian.
Dino Papparelli?
Of cou... how could it
have slipped my mind?
Come on, take a shower.
Do you know what else she said?
- What did she say?
She said your romantic
eyes look like two...
- Hey fellows get ready when.
- What else did she say?
I will tell you later.
Okay, turn it on. Be quiet!
Oh Susanna,
don't you cry for me.
I'll be riding in your Jaguar
and you'll be on my knee.
I built it up too much.
It's all on his mind. He'll
get to it, wait a minute.
Hi hi hee, Suzanne Lamour and me
and the Jaguar go rolling along
Sarge, we're gonna
be here all night.
Quiet, we've got plenty
of tape, just be quiet.
That's it. Turn it off.
Paper, pencils, I've
got to write words to this.
Oh go ahead and tell him
Suzanne changed her mind.
Got it at the beginning?
Let me hear from the beginning.
Ta... ta... ta... in
the time of war...
No matter where we are.
Good Sugie, good.
No matter where
we are in time of war,
no matter where you are, good.
Yes, yes operator it's
the Capt. Buckmaster.
I'm calling him person
to person Thank you.
And remember fellows sing
like you've never sang before.
This is the key, da,
da remember that.
Hello, hello sir.
Capt. Buckmaster, this is
Sgt. Bilko sir, Fort Baxter.
Yes sir. What was that sir?
Oh yes sir, Stephen Foster.
He remembers who we are.
Sir we want you hear. Sir,
we would like you to hear.
Sir, hallo, hallo!
Sarge, what's, what's matter?
- Forget it, we're off the air.
- It was such a good song too.
Good, it was great.
Sarge, maybe we let
the Colonel hear it first.
Not a chance.
But if we sing it
for him he will flip.
Sure, he can pressure
that captain to put us
on that Army TV
program in New York.
Don't you guys
remember anything?
You know the Colonel
suspects everything I do.
If I contribute to
the Red Cross,
he thinks I'm
betting on a disaster.
It'll never work.
If I go to him and tell him we want
to do that song on that TV show,
he'll think it's just to
get us to New York.
He'll think it's a
gimmick. It'll never work.
He'll never let us
use that song, unless.
- Unless?
- Unless he wrote it.
How can he write
it? It's already written.
Papparelli wrote it.
No, you don't understand.
He'll write it by osmosis.
Osmosis, what's that?
We'll sneak it into his
brain, phrase by phrase
without him even
being aware of it.
Here is what we
do. Listen to me.
Call me when
dinner is ready dear.
Dinner dear.
Coming.
Looks like rain dear.
Did you have a nice day dear?
Wonderful, and I think Bilko
he's given up trying to fox me.
- Goodnight dear.
- Goodnight.
Morning colonel?
Good morning.
Morning sir, duty roster sir.
Oh all right.
Here you are, what's the matter?
That melody sir is awfully
catchy, what is that?
Oh, just something I thought up.
- Oh really?
- Yes.
It's been running
through my mind.
Oh it has a
wonderful lilt to it.
How it going again?
No.
Why sir, that's a sure hit.
I heard once and I
know it already, sir.
Oh that is nothing.
It just sort of, came
right out of the air.
Oh really?
Sir, would you mind if I
put some words to that?
- Of course if you want to.
- Thank you.
Zimmerman on the double.
Take down every
note, every golden note.
Oh it's nothing really.
Oh sir, give us a chance
before Irving Berlin
or Oscar Hammerstein do it.
Will you please sir?
- All right.
Take this down.
- You got that?
- Yeah.
Gentlemen, for the first time
Colonel John T.
Hall's original song,
"The Song of The
Motor Pool. Gentlemen.
In the time of war no
matter where you are,
you'll find the Motor Pool.
In the thick of fight,
keeping engines right,
always steady ever cool.
Though the bombs are
dropping, no trucks are stopping,
because we are there
to give them oil and fuel.
Through the smoke and
glare, we're always there.
It's The Song Of The Motor Pool.
Thank you.
It sounded pretty
good didn't it?
Really good sir, I'm
afraid the TV critics will be
a little more enthusiastic
than just pretty good
when they hear it on
the TV Army show, sir.
TV Army show, well I haven't
made any arrangement, right?
But sir surely a
call from you will...
Imagine introducing for the
first time a new service song.
Yes, I'll call him.
Find out who...
It's Capt. Buckmaster sir.
- Find out where.
- He's in Fort Monmouth, sir.
He'll be in Fort
Skylar tomorrow sir.
Yes, yes.
As I was saying fellows,
she's got the George
Washington bridge you know.
What's the use
of talking about it,
you'll see for yourself tomorrow
when we get to New York.
B sharp. Sir.
Well Bilko, are the men ready?
Just raring to go, sir.
I hope you have your thank you
speech when they start yelling.
"Author, author" sir.
Well, I thought I'd
simply say, "Thank you,"
and then give you men credit
for coming up with the words.
Oh the words it was
nothing it was the melody.
- Jack! Jack Hall!
- Oh General Miller?
Did you come all the
way up from Washington?
All the way? This
is the greatest day
in the history of the
Transportation Corps.
At last, our own
song and you did it.
Well, the men really
came up with the words.
Oh sir may I interrupt,
the words were nothing.
It was the melody that
counted sir, thank you sir.
We've arranged to
have copies made,
and given to every
man in the corps.
The sheet music is going
to have your picture on it.
Oh we're ready to
go on Gen. Miller.
Congratulations, Buckmaster,
you certainly dug up that talent.
Yes, isn't it wonderful?
I'm just as anxious to
hear it as you are sir.
Well it's almost time, come you
gentlemen we'll be on the dais.
Oh sergeant, I'm giving
you the most important spot,
right after the men
from Monmouth.
Thank you very much sir.
The Army on Parade.
First to fight for the right
and to build the nation's might,
and the army goes rolling along.
And tonight, you'll hear
the Fort Baxter
Motor Pool Platoon
introduce a brand
new service song,
"The song of the Motor Pool,"
and then you will see the
man who wrote this song,
Colonel John T. Hall.
Well here to begin our show,
here is the Fort
Monmouth Signal Corp choir
under the direction of Sgt.
Thomas McMahon, sergeant.
Thank you.
For our first number,
we would like to sing,
the official "Signal Corps
Song" written 30 years ago
by Mrs. Dawson Olmstead.
Shout out the slogan
of the Signal Corps,
get the message through.
Fight till our enemies
can fight no more.
That's what we've got to do.
In the time of war no
matter where you are,
there you'll find
the Signal Corps!
When the long lines
file weary mile by mile,
they're the ones
who are at the fore,
when there's big news
coming and buzzers humming,
when Springfield's rattle
and the big guns roar.
With a flash and
flare, over land and air,
comes the word
that's the Signal Corp.
It's the song of the Motor Pool.
I want the high note.
See, when you do the high note,
Colonel, so you
better be out there sir.
They're all waiting for you,
when they yell "author" sir,
you won't be there
sir. I can't hear sir.
I'll close the door, but
I'm sure they want to see.
Hey, isn't that nice?
Signal Corps?
Signal Corps? —Signal Corps
- Papparelli!
- Yes Sarge.
Papparelli, where
were you stationed
before you came to Fort Baxter?
Fort Monmouth Signal Corp.
Signal Corp, take a message.
And now ladies and gentlemen,
the moment that all of
us have been waiting for.
Here is the new melody,
which will sweep the nation,
on with the show Sgt. Bilko.
Way down upon
the Swanee River...
far, far away.
We haven't finished
yet, we just started.
This is where my heart is gone.
That's where it
all goes to stay.
Ooh!
Announcer: Also seen
in tonight's cast were:
Joe E. Ross as Sgt. Ritzik.
John Silo as Marcel Boudreaux,
Susanne Cobb as Mrs. Boudreaux
and Sandy Kenyon as Charlie.