The Phil Silvers Show (1955–1959): Season 1, Episode 16 - Hollywood - full transcript

♪♪

Baby, get me General
Merritt in Washington.

Now, let's get started on
those TV spot announcements.

You cheered to Rory Mundane

and Gloria Glow in
their torrid love scenes

in C.D. Chadwick's great
tribute to our fighting GI's,

They Met on Okinawa.

You thrilled to the song
hits in C.D. Chadwick's

great war epic, Iwo Jima Baby.

Now comes his most
colossal of all battle pictures,

the true story of the men
who landed on the beaches



to win the Battle
of Kabuchi Island...

Guns, Guts and Gals.

- General Merritt.
- Hold on, will ya, baby?

Now, take this down.

A tribute to the men
of Kabuchi Island.

They made the
Japanese say "Uncle,"

and the girls say,
"More, more, more!"

General Merritt? Chick Benson.

Did you get the script
and the advance publicity

of C.D.'s new picture?

Oh, but think of the boys
who fought on Kabuchi.

What sort of a tribute is this?

"Their battle flag
was a torn sarong,

but they blasted
their way into Tokyo."



Look, General, C.D. makes
$5 million on every war picture.

Let's not argue with success.

Now, about that
Army cooperation...

They want cooperation.

Maybe if we didn't
cooperate on this.

Eh, we've got to cooperate.

Chadwick'll go ahead and
make the picture, anyway.

At least this way,
we'll know they've got

our soldiers in
American uniforms.

Okay.

Benson, please, reconsider.

Not a chance.

By the way, General,
uh, what did you do

about that request I wired
you about sending us a soldier

who was in the Battle of
Kabuchi and is still in the Army?

You know, sort of
a technical advisor.

Yeah, I'm checking the records.

"Technical advisor."

You'll take a couple
of publicity pictures,

and then send the poor guy back

without even seeing the
studio... I know the routine!

General, you kill me.

This just came in
from Records, sir.

- Sergeant E. Bilko.
- What's that?

That soldier they
want in Hollywood, sir,

who was in the Battle of
Kabuchi and is still in the Army.

He's stationed at Fort Baxter.

Fort Baxter? Where's that?

Roseville, Kansas... It's
a very small installation.

I'll get the commanding
officer for you, sir...

Colonel J.T. Hall.

To all permanent party,

with special attention
to Sergeant Bilko,

in charge of motor pool.

Reports have reached
me that Army vehicles

have again been observed
at the local drive-in theater.

I wish to point out...

Take that, Lieutenant.

I wish to point out
that Army vehicles...

All right, hold on.

It's the Pentagon!

The Pentagon?

Calling this post?

They must have the wrong number.

- I wish to point out...
- Uh, no, sir, it's for you.

They're connecting
you with General Merritt.

- For me?
- Yes, sir.

Uh, Colonel Hall is ready.

The Pentagon calling?

Maybe we're at war.

Lieutenant, did
you hear anything

on the radio this morning?

Uh, no, sir.

Uh, General Merritt, uh,
here's Colonel Hall, sir.

General Merritt?

Bilko? Representing the Army?

Our Army?!

General... if I may
be per... permitted, sir,

uh, he's not the
man... Yes, sir.

I see.

I'll wait for the orders.

- Get Bilko.
- Bilko?

Yes. They're sending
him on an extended,

all-expenses-paid
trip to Hollywood.

- To Hollywood!
- Yes.

Who said crime does not pay?

Sergeant Bilko, sir.

Colonel, the minute I
heard you wanted me,

I dropped everything
and rushed right over.

I... Now, how did
these get in here? I...

Bilko, I just received
orders from Washington.

You're leaving us. You'll
be missed on this post.

Why don't we give a party...
get some cold cuts, Lieutenant...

Bilko!

Why must the... the most
serious conversation with you

suddenly become
a sparring match?

Well, I'm sorry, sir... It's
just that you're so jovial

to talk with, sir, I enjoy it...

Bilko! The order from the
Pentagon concerns you.

- Me, sir?
- It concerns the time

you were on Kabuchi Island.

Oh, that. Are they
bringing that up again?

Sir, the Court of
Inquiry definitely proved

that that native girl was lying.

- Bilko!
- I did pay her

for the laundry, Lieutenant.

I gave her the standard
rate: 12 cigar coupons.

Bilko! It's not that!

Washington is sending
you to Hollywood.

You should see what
she did to my laundry,

Lieutenant...
Crushed every button.

I mean, you can't whip them
in shape... it's enough to drive

you out of... Excuse me,
sir, I thought I heard you say

something fantastic
about Hollywood.

I must be dreaming of
something else, I guess.

They're making a war picture
about the Battle of Kabuchi!

And the Army is
sending you to Hollywood

for an indefinite period.

Really, sir, I know we've
had our differences in the past,

but I never thought you'd
resort to practical jokes.

Oh, sir, you do kid.

It's a joke, all right!

But it's true.

Here are your orders;
you leave at once.

A movie?

I knew it! It was just
a question of time.

A movie! I knew
this would happen.

Remember, now,
Bilko, you're representing

the United States Army.

- Bilko...
- Bilko on Kabuchi.

What a picture!

Bilko, I know you.

Now, if I hear that you've
caused those people

the slightest
amount of trouble...

Trouble? Sir, I'll give
them my full cooperation.

As a matter of fact,
I'd better hurry, sir.

I wouldn't want to cause
any delays on my account.

And thank you
both very much, sir.

And believe me,
sir, when I get there,

I'll see to it that you're
represented in this picture.

Me? I was in
Australia at the time.

It's the same war... What
difference does it make?

And I'll see the
character that plays you

is somebody worthy
of the... I have it, sir.

I know who'll play you.
I've got the actor in mind.

Spencer Tracy. Please
don't try to dissuade me, sir.

I know it's you.
Spencer Tracy. I feel it.

Thank you both very much.

Spencer Tracy. Don't
talk me out of it, sir.

Bilko! I'll have no nonsense!

Spencer Tracy?!

Yes, sir, it is
ridiculous, isn't it?

What's so ridiculous about it?

Oh, nothing, sir!

Boys, we've got a
winner in this picture...

Love in a Foxhole.

Love in a Foxhole?

I thought this was
Guns, Guts and Gals.

I changed it.

Right, C.D.

I never liked that
Guns, Guts and Gals.

Using that word "gals."

Crude.

- Right, C.D.!
- Right, C.D.!

Men, in a few minutes...

in a few minutes, we're
going to be down there,

and we're gonna see
those cameras grinding.

I want them to
catch the heroism,

the raw bravery of Rory Mundane.

I want the story of
Sergeant Skinner...

Miss Ryan, this is a conference.

What is it?

It's this Sergeant Bilko.

Sergeant what?

He's that GI we brought out here

who was actually in
the Battle of Kabuchi.

Now...

- I'll get rid of him, C.D.
- Now, Benson,

you know I don't want
any soldiers around

when I'm making a war picture.

- It makes me nervous.
- Yeah.

Well, he should've
been gone by now.

He arrived last night.

I had all the movie columnists

meet him at the
plane for an interview.

It made all the wire services.

We got a picture, didn't we,

here on the front
page? There it is.

Now, before he
leaves, see that he gets

all the things that
a soldier loves.

You know, a pillow that
says "Home" and "Mother,"

Gloria Glow's, uh, autograph...

Right, I'll send him
on his way, C.D.

Oh, and, uh, he probably
will want to thank us.

Send him in.

That's a gracious thought, C.D.

Now, look, boys, he's going
to be a little overwhelmed.

You know, a soldier
among important people.

Try to make him feel at ease.

Offer to shake hands with him.

They appreciate
things like that.

Right this way, Sergeant Bilko.

C.D. Chadwick, we meet at last!

At last?

Believe me, C.D., you
are a hero to us boys.

In that war, every
time there was a lull

in the fighting, they showed
one of your battle pictures,

and I'd like to say
right here and now,

it took our minds off the war.

- C.D., please...
- This man is...

This man is... How are you?

I don't think I've
had the pleasure.

- How are you?
- Benny Bond.

Benny Bond, the
well-known director!

Say, look at those.

I guess I directed a few people
in my time. What about that?

Sergeant Bilko, if
you don't mind...?

How are you? Glad to see you.

I don't think I've
had the pleasure.

Elmo Eddington...
Now, he wrote...

I know, I know
what he's written.

Saw all your
pictures. Believe me,

with this picture, you're
gonna make a comeback.

- You're all right.
- Sergeant,

we're very busy.
Please, if you don't mind...

How's every...?

Is that Jule Styne, the
well-known songwriter?

Yes, but perhaps later...

Jule Styne, I've waited
for this all my life.

This is a writer, gentlemen.

This is a proud
moment. He writes.

How'd you like that statement,
huh, I gave to the press?

I guess they'll think twice
before they ever refer to you

as "Hokeypokey
Chadwick" again, huh?

- Who called me "Hokeypok..."
- Oh, C.D., they...

Ah, keeping things
from the old man.

He's all right. He's
keeping you away

from all these
little disturbances.

This is a good man
here, a good man.

Benson, what have you
been keeping from me?

Oh, it means nothing, C.D.

Certain irresponsible
movie critics...

Dogs! Dogs! Mad dogs!

Biting at the heels of one of
the greatest movie producers

since Georgie Jessel.

This man right here.

This man has given you
things I'm very proud of.

Look, Sergeant,
we're all ready to go.

There's really nothing
more that you can do.

What I can do? Say,
I'm gonna start to tell you

how to make pictures?
I wouldn't presume.

I'll just sit here as
quiet as a mouse.

Look alive here!

All right, this is
gonna be great.

Go ahead, C.D.

Thank you!

- Men, in a few minutes...
- Cigarettes?

Cigarettes, anybody?
We get 'em for free.

Help yourselves, fellas.

Sergeant, please,
Mr. Chadwick is trying to make a...

I'm not trying anymore!

I'm giving it up!

Now, get down on that set
and get those cameras rolling.

Get him out of here.

He'll be gone in
five minutes, C.D.

Now, look, Miller, I know how
Rory loves those close-ups,

but we've got to
have long shots.

This is a $50,000 set.

And Sampson here made
an exact replica of it, and...

Anything wrong, Sergeant?

What is this?

- What?
- What's that?

You were at Kabuchi,
you don't recognize that?

That, Sergeant Bilko, is
an accurate reproduction

of the north end
of Kabuchi Island.

Oh, the north end.

Oh, please forgive me. I...

No wonder I didn't recognize it.

You see, I was at the sound end,

where the battle took place.

The battle took place
on the south end?!

He's crazy! I have all the
Army records right here!

Here is where the key
Battle of Kabuchi took place.

Well, excuse me, I just
happened to be there at the time.

I ought to know
what I'm talking about.

As a matter of fact, gentlemen,
I prepared some brochures

on my contribution
to the battle.

Feel free to use my
name whenever you want...

Sampson, I thought you
did thorough research on this!

But he's crazy! The main battle

took place at the
north end of the island!

Hold it, what's
with this north end?

You got a little
real estate there

you're pushing or something?

I don't mind you
making an extra buck,

but let's stick to the facts!

I tell you, I-I
checked every detail!

If you checked every
detail, how come no mention

of Sergeant Ernest Bilko
who only led the charge?

Bilko! Ernest Bilko.

I knew that name was familiar.

I might add right here,

that name was in many
a dispatch, gentlemen.

Yes, indeed, you certainly were.

Major Kegler has a
very interesting report.

Oh, that. Pay no
attention to this.

There was a lot of jealousy
between the major and myself.

- Gentlemen...
- Believe me.

Gentlemen, you're looking
at the only American soldier

who took a Japanese prisoner
and tried to hold him for ransom.

Lies! All lies!

All I did was try to
show the general staff

how to run the
war at a small profit.

This is ridiculous!

Come on, men, C.D.
Chadwick is waiting.

- Let's go!
- Wait, wait.

We've got to settle this.

The public don't mind if
we throw in a love story

and some songs, but if
we stage the whole battle

at the wrong end of this island,

- the repercussions...
- But it's not the wrong end of the island!

What difference does it
make, north end, south end?

All you got to put in the scene

with the burning tank
where I rescue the men...

Say, burning tank!
That's good, raw stuff.

We could put Gloria
Glow in the tank!

Hold it, hold it.

Will you, please?
Would you mind?

Would you hold
that just a minute?

What was that, Jule?

I got the song.

"My Heart Is a
Burned-Out Shell."

May I say something?

Jule Styne just did it again.

May I make an opinion?

This boy's got another hit.

"My Heart Is a Burning Shell."

That song'll be sung and hummed

long before this
picture's forgotten.

♪ My heart is a
burned-out shell... ♪

What's going on here?!

Hold it just a minute.

Mr. Chadwick wants
to say a few words.

Go ahead, C.D.

Thank you.

Benson, call the studio cops

and throw this
troublemaker off the lot.

Just a minute, C.D.,

I just made a few
technical suggestions.

Out! This picture
starts on schedule,

whether you like it or not.

I understand.

I'll get your plane ticket.

Thank you. Will you see
the same reporters are there

that were here to greet
me when I arrived?

Oh, never mind. I took the
liberty of taking their names.

They were very kind.

- Wait.
- Gave me their phone numbers.

Oh, this is the one I'm...

Hedda Hopper... that's the
one I'll call. Crestview Five...

Oh, now, Bilko,
Bilko, wait a minute.

- What are you talking about?
- Well, I happened to give

some definite statements
about my confidence

in C.D. Chadwick's
burning desire for accuracy.

Now, Bilko, listen...

Now, these reporters
might be interested

that you threw an
American soldier...

A veteran of that
battle... Off the lot.

I'll call Crestview Six, Five...

C.D., if he gets to
those reporters...

But he's a troublemaker.

I saw it the moment
he walked in here.

Yeah, and he can cause
us plenty of trouble now.

He's an operator. In one minute,
he had us changing that picture.

Imagine what'll happen if
he gets to those reporters!

Think of your reputation, C.D.

- Hokeypokey.
- Hokey... Go get him.

Catch him before he gets
to the airport. Hurry up.

You're a reasonable man, C.D.

That's a man I admire.

A man that admits he's
wrong earns my admiration.

Well, I-I was a bit hasty.

Now, don't do that.

Let me think of you
as the big man you are.

Please don't crawl.

Who's crawling?!

That's what I like... A
man that talks up to me.

A man that has... Look at that,

and you'll see the
name Strong Heart.

They refer to me once in a
while as "Strong Heart" Bilko.

Sergeant Bilko, we
loved all your suggestions,

and just to prove it,
Mr. Chadwick is going

to send a wonderful letter
to your commanding officer.

Listen, let's go
down to the set, huh?

- On the set?!
- I'm sorry, Sergeant Bilko.

No outsiders are allowed
on Mr. Chadwick's set.

That's the one
rule I never break,

once we get down
there in the firing line.

I can understand.

Jimmie Fidler. Well, let me
see. It was Hollywood Three...

But of course you're
going on the set.

Well...

Mr. Chadwick meant
no outsiders on the set.

After all, he's not an
outsider, is he, C.D.?

No. He's just like
one of the family.

Jule, why don't you take
Sergeant Bilko out to lunch?

Then when we're ready to
roll, bring him onto the set.

Say, this is a lot of fun.

I'm finally gonna see them
make a picture. Gee, whiz.

- This way, Sergeant.
- Thank you, Jule.

Listen, I like that.

♪ My heart is a
burned-out shell... ♪

We'll work on it. I'll show
you how to fix the wording.

♪ My heart... ♪

Benson, are you crazy?

Letting that troublemaker
down on the set?

You know these Army people.

Why, we'll be making changes...

Just one little change, C.D.

He's an operator.
Don't you get it?

All he wants to do is
see himself in that picture.

So?

So we call one of
the soldiers Bilko.

He hears his name,
he sees himself.

This afternoon, he's headed back

to his camp with
stars in his eyes.

Sure, that bit player that
brings Rory the ammunition.

We can call him Bilko.

That's all we need.

C.D., this guy can
cause us a lot of trouble.

Okay.

No, honey. I-I told you,
that's the wrong scene.

I want scene one...
The ammunition scene.

But nobody told
me. Mr. Hennessy...

Hey, George, will you get
those lights up there, please?

Let's go with that, huh?

All right, bring that
half-broad over here.

Ready, Bill?

Check. Cameras.

Speed.

- Speed!
- Speed!

Sticks.

Love in a Foxhole.
Scene one, take one.

- Stand by.
- Gee, this is gonna be a lot of...

- Shh!
- Shh!

Action!

This way, men!

Let's get them!

It's suicide, Sergeant, sir!

Cut! Hold it!

Mr. Mundane, I don't
believe I've had the pleasure.

How are you, sir?

It's been a lot of
fun meeting you...

What's happened?

Sergeant Bilko, you cannot
interrupt this picture this way.

Just a minute. Let me ask you.

Is he supposed to
be Sergeant Skinner?

Sure. Why?

What a lucky break
for you I was here.

Break?

Sergeant Skinner
was a little guy, this tall.

He had no teeth, big ears.

Oh, you're luck...

- And he had a lisp.
- What?

Oh, I'll never forget that lisp.

Every time they ordered
us into battle, he used to say,

"Let thomebody elth
go. I'm no thucker for..."

What kind of part
did you give me?

Rory, this is a movie.

What do you mean, a movie?

Let's be reasonable, ol' kid.

Skinner had no eyebrows,
he had a squint in his eye,

and an ugly mole on the
right side of his cheek right...

Oh. I didn't see
that. Good casting.

All right, roll the picture.

- It's close.
- All right, clear.

Where's my agent?

I never liked this picture.

- What's going on here?
- Uh, nothing, Mr. Chadwick.

Sergeant Bilko just
pointed out that...

Benson, didn't I tell you
to throw him off the lot?

Well, all right. If I could
just make one phone call.

Let me see. Jimmie
Fidler... That's...

Uh, no, wait a minute, Sergeant.

Is this name Lou Lou
Parsons or Louella?

I get the number... I...

Now don't be hasty, Sergeant.

C.D., he hasn't seen
that sequence yet.

Well, it better be good.

- All right, go ahead, Ben.
- All right, let's roll it.

Now you come right
over here with me, huh?

- Let's go.
- Don't make a fuss out of me.

I don't want to be
in anybody's way.

You're not in anybody's
way. Just sit down.

- I don't mind standing.
- No, you better sit down.

You're liable to see something

that'll knock you
right off your feet.

Okay.

Okay, everybody, let's
take it back where we were.

"It's suicide,
Sergeant Skinner."

- Speed.
- Speed.

Sticks.

Love in a Foxhole.
Scene One, take two.

Action!

It's suicide, Sergeant Skinner!

We're out of ammunition!

Out of ammunition?

Sergeant Bilko! Ammunition!

Ammunition, Sergeant Bilko!

Coming. Coming.

Here comes Sergeant Bilko.

Hold it, cut!

Cut!

Now what?

May I ask you something?

Who is this specimen
supposed to be?

That's you.

We thought if we put
you in the picture...

You thought. Well, I
hope you thought enough

to have enough money to
withstand a $100,000 libel suit.

- That's all.
- Libel suit?

- A libel suit?!
- Yes, a libel suit.

He's supposed to be me,
and that was 12 years ago.

I was quite handsome.
I had a full head of hair.

This horrible...
No offense, buddy.

Throw him out!

Now, C.D., this
can be ironed out.

It'll only take a
minute to recast him.

Recasting?

Yeah, a little... Why
don't you get Cary Grant?

He'll be perfect for me.

- He's...
- Stop!

Will you throw this man out?

Throw him out, too!

Throw them both off the set!

Throw everybody
with glasses off the set!

Mr. Chadwick, please.
The newspapers.

We'll give them our side, too.

Bilko, out!

I'm sorry, Mr. Chadwick.

I have given you a lot of
trouble, and I really am sorry.

If I could just have a
picture taken with you

as a memento, I'll be on my way.

Of course. Of course. Still man!

Oh, well, now, you're
being reasonable.

I'll autograph it, too.

Oh, swell. Hold that a minute.

Okay, take it.

- Thank you.
- What's that?

This, Mr. Chadwick,
is a battle ribbon

given to us by a grateful nation

for our contribution to
the Battle of Kabuchi.

- Oh.
- I want you to have it.

Because this picture now makes
this medal a thing of mockery.

Let me see now. I'll
have six of those pictures.

Where can I get Jimmy
Star? Let me see...

Now, wait a minute,
Sergeant Bilko. You...

- Destroy that film!
- Just keep that...

C.D., I can get another
actor in 15 minutes.

Oh. We're over a barrel.

Break for 15 minutes!

All right, everybody take 15.

Hey, Eddington, come here.

As long as we're breaking,
have you looked at my brochure?

I want you to put
that scene in there

where I single-handedly wipe out

this Japanese machinegun
nest with one gun.

I was fearless. I charged in...

- Mr. Eddington?
- They're back!

General, have a heart.
We're a week behind schedule.

Everything is chaos!

And it's all because of
this Bilko you sent us.

Order him back.

We're begging
you! Order him back!

Now, look, Benson, he's
on detached service to you.

It's up to you to tell
him when he's through.

What are they
doing to that poor GI?

The way they kick
soldiers around.

Here's the 63'rd candidate
for the part of Bilko.

It was easier to cast
Gone With the Wind.

We've got to get
this picture started!

- Sergeant Bilko?
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I got them on a
soo-long. Take it easy.

That finishes it
up, boys. Sorry.

Better luck next time. I'll
meet you behind the bushes.

Now, what is it?

Sergeant, this is Bix Bently.

- Is that him?
- How are you?

Turn around. How are you, son?

All right, he's pretty good, but
he isn't the type I want for me.

I want vibrancy,
I want virility!

I want a guy... You sure you
couldn't get Burt Lancaster?

Lancaster.

Sergeant Bilko...

What is this Sergeant Bilko?

Call me E.B.

E.B., I know you
don't want me to crawl,

but I'm crawling now.

On my hands and
knees, I'm begging you!

Get this picture started!

Get those cameras rolling!

I've got Rory
Mundane on the payroll,

hundreds of extras,
cameras waiting!

All right. I don't blame
you for being mad.

I've never seen such
lack of organization.

Why, I could start these
cameras rolling in five minutes.

Five minutes?

Little changes and...

- Well, anything, anything!
- All right.

On the set, everybody!

Mundane! Don't forget
those changes I told you.

Takes an old sergeant
to get things started, huh?

Well, at last we're rolling.

I can't believe it.

Huh, huh, look alive.

This is my seat.

Look at names before
you sit down, kid.

Now, over here.

Sit down. Come on,
we got to get moving.

All right, action!

- Speed!
- Speed!

Sticks!

Love In A Foxhole,
scene one, take 66.

All right, Mundane, don't forget

those slight changes
I told you about.

All right, stand by. Action!

All right, you guys, follow me!

It's suicide, Sergeant Skinner!

- Skinner?!
- Come on! -Shh.

- We're out of ammunition!
- Come on!

Bilko!

- Sergeant Bilko!
- Sergeant Bilko!

Sergeant Bilko!

- Ammunition!
- Bilko!

Here comes Bilko now!

Here's the ammunition.

Stop! Cut!

I'm glad you cut that.

I'm glad you cut that scene.

I was gonna cut it myself.

What kind of acting...

"Here's the ammunition"?

What is that?

Quiet!

Rory Mundane
playing the bit part?!

Oh, you don't understand.

What bit part? Wait till you see
the changes I've made in here.

We're calling this picture off!

Oh, now, don't be hasty, C.D.

Just a little rewriting...

Ah, there's going
to be some writing:

a report to your commander.

"And this viper...

"this disgrace to the
American uniform,

"this ungrateful wretch
whom you sent to us

"as a representative of
the United States Army

"single-handedly has
kept from the public

the story of the great
Battle of Kabuchi."

Signed... "Cecil D. Chadwick."

"P.S... Carbon copies have
been sent to the Pentagon."

The Pentagon.

Just after they found
out our telephone number.

Gee whiz, Colonel.

I was just trying... Quiet!

Shame on you, Bilko.

These people were trying to
make a picture in tribute to you men.

General Merritt?

Put him on.

Bilko, give me your
sergeant's stripes.

My stripes, sir?

Yes. I have a feeling
I'll be wearing them.

Oh.

Sir, they can't blame you

- for something that I...
- Quiet!

General Merritt.

Colonel Hall,

I just got Chadwick's
letter saying that

because of your Sergeant
Bilko he canceled the picture.

Congratulations.

Here's what I want you to do.

What is that?

Of course.

Yes, sir.

Bilko, they've just ordered me
to give you a 30-day furlough.

30-day furlough?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, he's right here.

General Merritt wants
to talk to you personally.

Me?

Yeah.

Hello, General Merritt.

This is Sergeant Bilko.

He-He called me Ernie.

- Yes, General?
- Ernie?

Bilko, you did something the
whole Pentagon couldn't do.

How did you do it?

Well, that's terribly
nice of you, General,

to take that attitude.

I was just trying to do my best.

Oh, I'd be glad to
drop into Washington

and have a talk with you, sir.

I must say, you're
being terribly democratic.

Oh, yes, General.

Yes, that's very...
Chair, chair, chair!

Yes, sir.

That's very nice of
you. Yes... Thank you.

Benson was played

by Ralph Stantley,
Cecil D. Chadwick

by Howard Smith.

Jule Styne played himself.