South Park (1997–…): Season 25, Episode 4 - Back to the Cold War - full transcript
A lot is riding on Butters' ability to crush the competition in the all-important dressage championship.
♪♪
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
Okay, children,
let's take our seats.
I know there's a lot of things
going on
and we're all a little bit
worried.
I've heard some of you express
concern over current events,
so I think we should
discuss what's happening.
It is true --
Rick and I did get into a fight
over the weekend.
Now, I don't know what you've
heard and what you haven't,
but Rick was wrong, okay?
He's the one that needs
to apologize.
We're not worried about that.
We're all worried about Putin.
Putin? It was just a little
noise when I pulled out.
Nobody was "pootin," okay?
And anyway, you kids shouldn't
be talking about that stuff!
Geez!
Uh, kids,
I need your attention!
We're doing an emergency drill
this morning, m'kay.
A drill?
M'kay, now, we haven't done
these in a long time,
but we need to be prepared if
the Russians decide to nuke us.
Now, when you
hear this sound...
The Russians are nuking us.
...then you need to quickly
and calmly get out of your seats
and get to the gymnasium, m'kay?
The Russians are nuking us.
The Russians are
nuking us! Go!
Go, go, go!
We're all gonna die!
Come on! Come on!
The missiles are coming!
They've lost their minds!
Run!
Get to the gym!
Get to the gym!
Come on!
Come on, we're getting nuked!
Everyone to the gym!
It's our only chance!
Under the bleachers! Go!
Come on, move!
Everyone's going to die!
M'kay.
That was...22 seconds.
That's not bad, m'kay.
Now, if this were real,
we would just all stay here
and wait to hear from
our government and maybe,
maybe listen to
some appropriate music,
like we did back in the '80s.
♪ Take your baby by the hand ♪
♪ Do the next thing
that you feel ♪
♪ I said... ♪
Narrator: Starring...
...and the comedy of...
♪ Dancehall days, love ♪
Hi, Katie!
Hi, Kelly!
Oh, my gosh.
Pixie looks so pretty today.
Thanks!
I braided my pony's tail.
Hi, Josslyn!
Hi, Staci Mae!
Hi, Butters.
Alright, pony riders.
We've got a big competition
this weekend,
so let's line up
and do our rails.
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
Don't wave at us,
Butters!
Judges hate when they wave.
He needs to not do that.
Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot.
Here comes the jump.
Good. Very nice.
Okay, next.
Good, Heather.
That's good control of Sunshine.
Good.
Okay, Butters, come on.
You're next.
Come on, Butters.
Come on!
Oh! He clunked it!
It's okay.
It's okay.
Good job, Butters.
Good job.
!
We should just pull Butters
out of dressage.
He sucks at this.
Oh, we can't pull him out.
He loves it.
Don't you understand, Linda?
I'm scared.
The big competition
is this weekend.
Butters will be going up
against the Russians.
Oh, look, here comes
the Russian now.
- Boo!
- Boo!
Boo, Russia!
Booooo!
Hey, what are you booing
a little kid for?
Don't you know
who that is?
That's Dan Solokov's kid!
Dan Solokov who works at
the Ace Hardware over in Meeker?
Even the kid's pony
is a Russian Etruscan!
You piece-a-shit communist!
You won't take our freedoms
away! Boo, Russia!
♪ Games without frontiers ♪
♪ War without tears ♪
♪ Jeux sans frontieres ♪
Yeah?
Mr. Mackey, I'd like to
have a word with you.
Oh, yeah, yes, of course,
PC Principal.
I see that you've, uh,
called for another
nuclear emergency drill
this afternoon?
Yes, that's right.
We are going to be prepared.
Well, Mr. Mackey, this is
the seventh drill
that we've done
in two days.
And I see that you also put in
the budget for a bomb shelter
and 20 VHS copies
of "Red Dawn."
VHS is still really the best
format when you think about it.
Mr. Mackey, I'm starting to
worry that this is sort of...
nostalgic for you,
like you're kind of
enjoying this.
Enjoying it?
My job is
to have this school ready.
Kids need to know what Russia
is capable of.
Ah-staff meen-ya
if pahk-oye.
You speak Russian?
No, but I watched
"Hunt For Red October"
like 200 times.
Mr. Mackey,
I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you --
stop with all the drills
and stop putting ideas
into our students' heads.
No, you --
you're right, of course.
I'm --
I'm over-reacting.
Okay.
M'kay.
Alright, Butters,
you've just got two more days
before
the dressage competition.
I'll do my best, Dad.
You're gonna have to do better
than that, Butters.
You see that little Russian kid
over there?
That kid doesn't
give a shit about you.
He just wants to win
and take what little patriotism
our country has left.
That kid?
You didn't live through the
Cold War, Butters, but we did.
This tournament is
gonna be turned into
a political spectacle,
and you have to win.
Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll
have to give your pony away
to communists who slaughter
ponies and donkeys
to make skin cream.
That's mostly the Chinese,
but a commie's a commie.
Better dead than red,
Butters.
Oh, Jesus!
Not Melancholy!
Now, that little prick
is trying to intimidate you.
I want you to go in there and
show him how an American rides.
Come on, boy!
Butters! Butters, what the hell
are you doing?!
Well, I dunno!
You have to
learn control!
Come on, Melancholy, come on!
Ewwww!
Butters,
what the hell is that?!
What is what?
Oh, geez!
Put that thing away,
Melancholy!
Jesus, Linda,
what are we gonna do?
What are you up to,
you piece of shit?
Hello, sir.
I just needed to
talk to somebody.
I've been having
some problems at home.
Uh-huh, m'kay, that's nice.
That's good to hear.
Why don't you just, uh,
sit there and tell me about it?
Well, it's just my parents.
You see, a few months ago,
I saw this little girl
riding a pony and I said,
"Whoa! I wanna do that!"
Uh-huh.
So we found a stable
and a trainer,
and I started to
learn dressage.
And I got to lease a pony,
and his name is Melancholy.
Yeah, yeah,
that must be tough.
I'm sorry to hear that,
m'kay.
Well, I love
to ride Melancholy.
But now I'm feeling
all this pressure to win.
My parents said
I have to win
because it's against
the Russians.
M'kay, we--
The what?
It's the Russians.
I mean, I guess they're just
really good at dressage,
But now my dad says it's
a matter of national security.
M'kay. Butters.
Don't move your head.
Don't move my head?
I --
Uh, uh!
They're probably watching us,
so keep acting like
you're asking me for help.
Well, o-okay, but I kind of am
asking you for help, ya know,
because I'm feeling
really lost and miserable.
That's good.
Now listen carefully.
What did your parents
tell you?
Well, they said if I don't
do well at dressage,
it could mean the end
of all of our freedoms.
Jesus Christ.
M'kay, well, Butters,
you know,
sometimes troubles at home
can be bad, m'kay.
I need you
to tell me everything you know
about dressage.
We need to have a serious talk,
Melancholy,
and I need you to listen.
There's a time to poop,
and there's a time to work.
And the best thing is to poop
when your work is done.
I-It's like when
I'm in the classroom,
sometimes I have to poop,
but I have to wait
until lunch break.
If I really have to go, I can
raise my hand to ask politely.
But if you stop and poop
while we're competin',
the judges are gonna
deduct points.
And then the Russians
will beat us,
and then you're gonna get turned
into Chinese skin cream!
We have to do this, Melancholy.
You and me have to focus
like never before.
Now, let's go show them
what we can do!
Let's go!
That's it!
You got it, boy!
♪♪
Nope! Nope! Melancholy!
Over the jump, boy!
Come on, Melancholy!
What?
W-Where are you going?
Melancholy, back to the jump!
Whoa, Melancholy! Whoa!
W-What are you doing now?!
Now I'm not sure
what's goin' on here.
No! No! No!
Melancholy! Bad pony!
I'm sorry, ma'am!
Melancholy, to the jump!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Voice:
What are you doing here?
Don't shoot...
I-I'm just the school
counselor...
Mr. Stotch?
Mr. Mackey?
What the hell
are you doing here?!
What the hell are you
doing here?
I'll ask the questions,
I've got the gun!
We were just...
having a look around...
We weren't going to mess with
the Russian pony.
I-I promise.
Shut up, Linda.
Mr. and Mrs. Stotch,
you know --
your son has been
having some problems
on the playground
at school.
What kind of problems?
Well, you know,
bullies, and, uh,
pressure for marijuana,
you know, with --
Don't move!
Ahhhh!
Now I want some
Goddamn answers.
So you want them to win, huh?
You're a traitor.
I'm not the traitor.
Yeah, right...
Since when do you care
about dressage?
Since I found out the principal
is a Russian spy.
A what?!
There's something very big
going on here,
and I think it involves
your son.
Mr. Mackey...
we were just here to try
and give that pony diarrhea
by feeding it Erewhon.
It's the truth.
We're on your side.
I think I understand
what's going on now...
The Communists are gonna use the
pony show as justification...
to fire the missiles.
Welcome, everyone, to the 10
and under pony dressage finals.
We want to thank everyone
for coming out today
to support these little riders.
This is it,
Melancholy.
We have to do this.
We have to be classy.
We're not gonna poop.
We're not gonna get a boner,
and we're certainly not gonna
have unwarranted sex
with the ladies.
Please, boy...
We have got to get this right.
Hi, Mom.
Well, hi, junior!
What a surprise, m'kay!
Mom...I need to use something
in my old room.
Well, sure, come on in!
Everything is still
just as you left it, son.
Mom, I think World War 3
is about to start.
I'm gonna do what I can
to protect our country!
Oh, uh, m'kay, honey,
I'll make you a snack.
Hello, Mr. Mackey.
The Russians are nuking us.
What the hell was that?
Someone from the outside
is logged into
the missile defense system!
Well, kick them out!
Shut off the Wi-Fi!
It's not coming in
on Wi-Fi!
It's some old,
archaic technology!
X = "The Russians
are nuking us."
Print X, goto 10.
Run.
What are they
trying to do?!
It's just repeating the same
line over and over.
How did they
get it to do that?!
Sir! The computers are
taking us to DEFCON 3!
Jesus Christ...
It's dressage.
President Putin!
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪ Cowboy number one ♪
♪ A born-again poor man's son ♪
♪ Poor man's son ♪
♪ On the air America ♪
♪ I modeled shirts
by Van Heusen ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- Oooh, no! No!
♪♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all you can score ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪♪
♪ Switch off your shield ♪
♪ Switch off and feel ♪
- We're running out of time!
Take missiles to DEFCON 2!
Here's your Sunny Delight
and Steak-umms, honey.
Get outta my room,
Mom, God!
Get outta my room.
Sweetheart...
are you m'kay?
'Course I'm not m'kay --
but you wouldn't understand
'cause you're a grown-up.
Honey...
as your mother,
I want you to know
you can talk to me
about whatever you want.
Even if it's about being scared
of gettin' old.
Things used to be
so much simpler, Mama.
There was a good guy and a --
and a bad guy.
And we all...
sort of came together
and loved our country...
Not like it is now.
Ohhh, junior.
I know that gettin' old
isn't so much fun, is it?
We all wanna go back to a time
when we were younger.
You're getting to be
around 55.
Your pee-pee doesn't work
so good, does it?
How'd you know about that,
Mom?
Well, I'm your mom, honey.
When a man gets to a point
where his pee-pee
doesn't work the way it used to,
he starts to...
well, sit in his room and play
war games again, you know?
But, honey,
those times weren't better.
We were all scared.
People died.
That's not something
to strive to get back to.
You're right, mama...
I've been bad.
Oh, you're not bad --
No, I'm bad --
No, nom sweetheart.
It -- It just felt good
'cause it was familiar.
That's just sort of
what us old people do.
Announcer:
It all comes down to this.
#823 Davey Solokov
and his Russian Etruscan.
If he completes this last rail,
he will be the winner.
We're all dead,
Linda.
Rider...please demonstrate
your trot.
It's Okay, Melancholy...
We did our best...
Whoa...
Where you goin', Melancholy?
And here is the rail.
Wait a minute -- we have another
pony in the ring!
What's he doing?
What's he doing?!
He's fighting for democracy!
Go, Butters!
Butters! Butters!
Melancholy! Bad!
Ahghg!
10...9...8...
He's got 'em!
3...2..1...
You're out!
Ahghghghghg!
Mr. Mackey: Let me --
Let me though! Let me through!
Mackey, we did it!
I know!
It's amazing!
This is all
a dream come true!
You know...the past few days,
I've been re-living the past.
But during this tournament,
I started to change.
And I just wanna say
to the Russians --
that if I can change,
then yous can change!
I know how it is when
you're gettin' old, you know,
and you start getting aggressive
because your dick doesn't work
the way it used to.
Da...
Da...
But just because
our dicks don't work
doesn't mean we should go back
to the way things were.
In the immortal words
of Sting --
we all share the same biology.
Regardless of ideology.
♪ I wonder if Russians get
diarrhea from Erewhon too ♪
♪♪
♪
♪
♪
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
Okay, children,
let's take our seats.
I know there's a lot of things
going on
and we're all a little bit
worried.
I've heard some of you express
concern over current events,
so I think we should
discuss what's happening.
It is true --
Rick and I did get into a fight
over the weekend.
Now, I don't know what you've
heard and what you haven't,
but Rick was wrong, okay?
He's the one that needs
to apologize.
We're not worried about that.
We're all worried about Putin.
Putin? It was just a little
noise when I pulled out.
Nobody was "pootin," okay?
And anyway, you kids shouldn't
be talking about that stuff!
Geez!
Uh, kids,
I need your attention!
We're doing an emergency drill
this morning, m'kay.
A drill?
M'kay, now, we haven't done
these in a long time,
but we need to be prepared if
the Russians decide to nuke us.
Now, when you
hear this sound...
The Russians are nuking us.
...then you need to quickly
and calmly get out of your seats
and get to the gymnasium, m'kay?
The Russians are nuking us.
The Russians are
nuking us! Go!
Go, go, go!
We're all gonna die!
Come on! Come on!
The missiles are coming!
They've lost their minds!
Run!
Get to the gym!
Get to the gym!
Come on!
Come on, we're getting nuked!
Everyone to the gym!
It's our only chance!
Under the bleachers! Go!
Come on, move!
Everyone's going to die!
M'kay.
That was...22 seconds.
That's not bad, m'kay.
Now, if this were real,
we would just all stay here
and wait to hear from
our government and maybe,
maybe listen to
some appropriate music,
like we did back in the '80s.
♪ Take your baby by the hand ♪
♪ Do the next thing
that you feel ♪
♪ I said... ♪
Narrator: Starring...
...and the comedy of...
♪ Dancehall days, love ♪
Hi, Katie!
Hi, Kelly!
Oh, my gosh.
Pixie looks so pretty today.
Thanks!
I braided my pony's tail.
Hi, Josslyn!
Hi, Staci Mae!
Hi, Butters.
Alright, pony riders.
We've got a big competition
this weekend,
so let's line up
and do our rails.
Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
Don't wave at us,
Butters!
Judges hate when they wave.
He needs to not do that.
Okay, Staci Mae, nice trot.
Here comes the jump.
Good. Very nice.
Okay, next.
Good, Heather.
That's good control of Sunshine.
Good.
Okay, Butters, come on.
You're next.
Come on, Butters.
Come on!
Oh! He clunked it!
It's okay.
It's okay.
Good job, Butters.
Good job.
!
We should just pull Butters
out of dressage.
He sucks at this.
Oh, we can't pull him out.
He loves it.
Don't you understand, Linda?
I'm scared.
The big competition
is this weekend.
Butters will be going up
against the Russians.
Oh, look, here comes
the Russian now.
- Boo!
- Boo!
Boo, Russia!
Booooo!
Hey, what are you booing
a little kid for?
Don't you know
who that is?
That's Dan Solokov's kid!
Dan Solokov who works at
the Ace Hardware over in Meeker?
Even the kid's pony
is a Russian Etruscan!
You piece-a-shit communist!
You won't take our freedoms
away! Boo, Russia!
♪ Games without frontiers ♪
♪ War without tears ♪
♪ Jeux sans frontieres ♪
Yeah?
Mr. Mackey, I'd like to
have a word with you.
Oh, yeah, yes, of course,
PC Principal.
I see that you've, uh,
called for another
nuclear emergency drill
this afternoon?
Yes, that's right.
We are going to be prepared.
Well, Mr. Mackey, this is
the seventh drill
that we've done
in two days.
And I see that you also put in
the budget for a bomb shelter
and 20 VHS copies
of "Red Dawn."
VHS is still really the best
format when you think about it.
Mr. Mackey, I'm starting to
worry that this is sort of...
nostalgic for you,
like you're kind of
enjoying this.
Enjoying it?
My job is
to have this school ready.
Kids need to know what Russia
is capable of.
Ah-staff meen-ya
if pahk-oye.
You speak Russian?
No, but I watched
"Hunt For Red October"
like 200 times.
Mr. Mackey,
I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you --
stop with all the drills
and stop putting ideas
into our students' heads.
No, you --
you're right, of course.
I'm --
I'm over-reacting.
Okay.
M'kay.
Alright, Butters,
you've just got two more days
before
the dressage competition.
I'll do my best, Dad.
You're gonna have to do better
than that, Butters.
You see that little Russian kid
over there?
That kid doesn't
give a shit about you.
He just wants to win
and take what little patriotism
our country has left.
That kid?
You didn't live through the
Cold War, Butters, but we did.
This tournament is
gonna be turned into
a political spectacle,
and you have to win.
Otherwise, I'm afraid we'll
have to give your pony away
to communists who slaughter
ponies and donkeys
to make skin cream.
That's mostly the Chinese,
but a commie's a commie.
Better dead than red,
Butters.
Oh, Jesus!
Not Melancholy!
Now, that little prick
is trying to intimidate you.
I want you to go in there and
show him how an American rides.
Come on, boy!
Butters! Butters, what the hell
are you doing?!
Well, I dunno!
You have to
learn control!
Come on, Melancholy, come on!
Ewwww!
Butters,
what the hell is that?!
What is what?
Oh, geez!
Put that thing away,
Melancholy!
Jesus, Linda,
what are we gonna do?
What are you up to,
you piece of shit?
Hello, sir.
I just needed to
talk to somebody.
I've been having
some problems at home.
Uh-huh, m'kay, that's nice.
That's good to hear.
Why don't you just, uh,
sit there and tell me about it?
Well, it's just my parents.
You see, a few months ago,
I saw this little girl
riding a pony and I said,
"Whoa! I wanna do that!"
Uh-huh.
So we found a stable
and a trainer,
and I started to
learn dressage.
And I got to lease a pony,
and his name is Melancholy.
Yeah, yeah,
that must be tough.
I'm sorry to hear that,
m'kay.
Well, I love
to ride Melancholy.
But now I'm feeling
all this pressure to win.
My parents said
I have to win
because it's against
the Russians.
M'kay, we--
The what?
It's the Russians.
I mean, I guess they're just
really good at dressage,
But now my dad says it's
a matter of national security.
M'kay. Butters.
Don't move your head.
Don't move my head?
I --
Uh, uh!
They're probably watching us,
so keep acting like
you're asking me for help.
Well, o-okay, but I kind of am
asking you for help, ya know,
because I'm feeling
really lost and miserable.
That's good.
Now listen carefully.
What did your parents
tell you?
Well, they said if I don't
do well at dressage,
it could mean the end
of all of our freedoms.
Jesus Christ.
M'kay, well, Butters,
you know,
sometimes troubles at home
can be bad, m'kay.
I need you
to tell me everything you know
about dressage.
We need to have a serious talk,
Melancholy,
and I need you to listen.
There's a time to poop,
and there's a time to work.
And the best thing is to poop
when your work is done.
I-It's like when
I'm in the classroom,
sometimes I have to poop,
but I have to wait
until lunch break.
If I really have to go, I can
raise my hand to ask politely.
But if you stop and poop
while we're competin',
the judges are gonna
deduct points.
And then the Russians
will beat us,
and then you're gonna get turned
into Chinese skin cream!
We have to do this, Melancholy.
You and me have to focus
like never before.
Now, let's go show them
what we can do!
Let's go!
That's it!
You got it, boy!
♪♪
Nope! Nope! Melancholy!
Over the jump, boy!
Come on, Melancholy!
What?
W-Where are you going?
Melancholy, back to the jump!
Whoa, Melancholy! Whoa!
W-What are you doing now?!
Now I'm not sure
what's goin' on here.
No! No! No!
Melancholy! Bad pony!
I'm sorry, ma'am!
Melancholy, to the jump!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Voice:
What are you doing here?
Don't shoot...
I-I'm just the school
counselor...
Mr. Stotch?
Mr. Mackey?
What the hell
are you doing here?!
What the hell are you
doing here?
I'll ask the questions,
I've got the gun!
We were just...
having a look around...
We weren't going to mess with
the Russian pony.
I-I promise.
Shut up, Linda.
Mr. and Mrs. Stotch,
you know --
your son has been
having some problems
on the playground
at school.
What kind of problems?
Well, you know,
bullies, and, uh,
pressure for marijuana,
you know, with --
Don't move!
Ahhhh!
Now I want some
Goddamn answers.
So you want them to win, huh?
You're a traitor.
I'm not the traitor.
Yeah, right...
Since when do you care
about dressage?
Since I found out the principal
is a Russian spy.
A what?!
There's something very big
going on here,
and I think it involves
your son.
Mr. Mackey...
we were just here to try
and give that pony diarrhea
by feeding it Erewhon.
It's the truth.
We're on your side.
I think I understand
what's going on now...
The Communists are gonna use the
pony show as justification...
to fire the missiles.
Welcome, everyone, to the 10
and under pony dressage finals.
We want to thank everyone
for coming out today
to support these little riders.
This is it,
Melancholy.
We have to do this.
We have to be classy.
We're not gonna poop.
We're not gonna get a boner,
and we're certainly not gonna
have unwarranted sex
with the ladies.
Please, boy...
We have got to get this right.
Hi, Mom.
Well, hi, junior!
What a surprise, m'kay!
Mom...I need to use something
in my old room.
Well, sure, come on in!
Everything is still
just as you left it, son.
Mom, I think World War 3
is about to start.
I'm gonna do what I can
to protect our country!
Oh, uh, m'kay, honey,
I'll make you a snack.
Hello, Mr. Mackey.
The Russians are nuking us.
What the hell was that?
Someone from the outside
is logged into
the missile defense system!
Well, kick them out!
Shut off the Wi-Fi!
It's not coming in
on Wi-Fi!
It's some old,
archaic technology!
X = "The Russians
are nuking us."
Print X, goto 10.
Run.
What are they
trying to do?!
It's just repeating the same
line over and over.
How did they
get it to do that?!
Sir! The computers are
taking us to DEFCON 3!
Jesus Christ...
It's dressage.
President Putin!
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪ Cowboy number one ♪
♪ A born-again poor man's son ♪
♪ Poor man's son ♪
♪ On the air America ♪
♪ I modeled shirts
by Van Heusen ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
- Oooh, no! No!
♪♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all
that you can score ♪
♪ Score them all,
score them all ♪
♪ When two tribes go to war ♪
♪ A point is all you can score ♪
♪ Working for the black gas ♪
♪♪
♪ Switch off your shield ♪
♪ Switch off and feel ♪
- We're running out of time!
Take missiles to DEFCON 2!
Here's your Sunny Delight
and Steak-umms, honey.
Get outta my room,
Mom, God!
Get outta my room.
Sweetheart...
are you m'kay?
'Course I'm not m'kay --
but you wouldn't understand
'cause you're a grown-up.
Honey...
as your mother,
I want you to know
you can talk to me
about whatever you want.
Even if it's about being scared
of gettin' old.
Things used to be
so much simpler, Mama.
There was a good guy and a --
and a bad guy.
And we all...
sort of came together
and loved our country...
Not like it is now.
Ohhh, junior.
I know that gettin' old
isn't so much fun, is it?
We all wanna go back to a time
when we were younger.
You're getting to be
around 55.
Your pee-pee doesn't work
so good, does it?
How'd you know about that,
Mom?
Well, I'm your mom, honey.
When a man gets to a point
where his pee-pee
doesn't work the way it used to,
he starts to...
well, sit in his room and play
war games again, you know?
But, honey,
those times weren't better.
We were all scared.
People died.
That's not something
to strive to get back to.
You're right, mama...
I've been bad.
Oh, you're not bad --
No, I'm bad --
No, nom sweetheart.
It -- It just felt good
'cause it was familiar.
That's just sort of
what us old people do.
Announcer:
It all comes down to this.
#823 Davey Solokov
and his Russian Etruscan.
If he completes this last rail,
he will be the winner.
We're all dead,
Linda.
Rider...please demonstrate
your trot.
It's Okay, Melancholy...
We did our best...
Whoa...
Where you goin', Melancholy?
And here is the rail.
Wait a minute -- we have another
pony in the ring!
What's he doing?
What's he doing?!
He's fighting for democracy!
Go, Butters!
Butters! Butters!
Melancholy! Bad!
Ahghg!
10...9...8...
He's got 'em!
3...2..1...
You're out!
Ahghghghghg!
Mr. Mackey: Let me --
Let me though! Let me through!
Mackey, we did it!
I know!
It's amazing!
This is all
a dream come true!
You know...the past few days,
I've been re-living the past.
But during this tournament,
I started to change.
And I just wanna say
to the Russians --
that if I can change,
then yous can change!
I know how it is when
you're gettin' old, you know,
and you start getting aggressive
because your dick doesn't work
the way it used to.
Da...
Da...
But just because
our dicks don't work
doesn't mean we should go back
to the way things were.
In the immortal words
of Sting --
we all share the same biology.
Regardless of ideology.
♪ I wonder if Russians get
diarrhea from Erewhon too ♪
♪♪
♪
♪
♪