South Park (1997–…): Season 18, Episode 7 - Grounded Vindaloop - full transcript

I'm goin' down to South Park

Gonna have myself a time

Friendly faces everywhere

Humble folks
without temptation

I'm goin' down to South Park

Gonna leave my woes behind

Ample parking day or night

People spouting
howdy neighbor

Headin' on up to South Park

Gonna see if I can't unwind

Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!



Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine

Whoa!
It's all so real!

This is amazing!

It's like I'm there!

I see all our friends
at school!

Oh, wow!

If I hold up my hands,
I can see them, too!

Whoa!

Wow! You were right!
I can actually feel it!

Butters, what the hell
are you doing?

I feel Stan!
He looks totally real!

That's awesome, Butters.

Keep making your way
down the hallway.

Your vital signs
are looking good.



What do you see now?

More of the school.

What are you doing,
Butters?

The school and all the kids.

I still can't hear any sound
except for your voice.

Yeah, they haven't worked out
the audio yet, but...

He's so fucking stupid.

But I'm sure they will soon.

Ah. Okay.
I think I'm done, Eric.

I-I'm feeling kind of dizzy,
and, uh...

- Butters, no! Are you crazy?!
- What?! What?! What?!

What did I tell you
about removing the headset

when you're not back
at the access hub?

Oh, yeah,
that it would split my neurons

and scramble my brains...
I forgot!

You forgot your neurons
would be torn apart?

Did you also forget that
if you die in virtual reality,

you die in real life,
Butters?

I'm sorry!

You need find your way back
to my room.

- Can you do that?
- Yeah!

We only have 8 minutes before
the battery protocols die.

- You have to hurry!
- Oh, Jesus!

Okay.
I'm back in your room!

All right, Butters,
sit down at the computer.

Now drop the stafernasy window.
We're just gonna make it.

Stafernasy window dropped!

Welcome back, dude.

Wow!
That was cool.

How do you feel?
Do you feel okay?

I touched Wendy's boob.

And then... And then he...
he took of the shop goggles,

and he was all like,
"Whoa, I'm back! "

Damn it if it's not
the awesomest thing ever!

Sounds pretty typical to me.

Come on, guys.

This is the "cure de gars"
of Butters torture.

- "Coup de grace," Cartman.
- Thank you, Kyle.

Poor Butters.
Can't you just leave him alone?

Dude, Butters is an asshole,

and he deserves to be taken down
once in a while, okay?

Hey, Eric! What did you say
to the principal

for missing first period?

Not that we were doing
anything interesting.

Right, Eric?

Yeah, I just told her
I was running late

and it won't happen again.

You know what I said?

She asked me
why I wasn't in school,

and I said, "Well, technically,
I was at school."

Tee hee!

Sorry, guys, but Eric and I know
a little something you don't.

Not that it's anything
that cool.

- Right, Eric?
- Right, Butters.

- These guys are so dumb, huh?
- Yeah!

See? He's an asshole.
Fuck him.

Each time you go
into the virtual world,

it becomes
more and more dangerous.

Are you absolutely sure
you want to do this, Butters?

Well, not 100%.

Even 10% is good enough.
Here you go.

Okay.
Subject is ready.

AII right, Butters, I'm booting
up the core competency now.

Edifice framework is online.
Vital signs appear to be normal.

- Interim status?
- Interim status is go!

Digital malcontent
now at parameter Alpha.

Prepare for full graphic
interfaces on my mark.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, mark.

It worked!
I'm back in!

All systems normal!

All right, Butters, behind you,
you should see the door.

Go through it
and head outside.

Going now!

Everything looks good, Butters.
You're doing great.

- Let's get to work.
- Okay.

How much more of this
am I supposed to clear up?

You're doing great.

Almost done with this level,
Butters.

Just make sure
you've cleared the driveway

and, uh, walkway
of all the virtual snow.

Okay!
It's so realistic!

The snow looks kind of fake,
though.

AII right,
I think that's all of it!

Okay, nice, Butters.

Um, now go to the front door
and ring the doorbell.

This is the part
where you collect the money.

There's a old fat lady here!

She's holding out money
for me!

Just take the money,
Butters.

Okay, I got it!

You got the money?
Okay, great, Butters.

Now get back
to the access point.

Already? Aw, no!

Yeah, Butters. The discrepancy
bars are oscillating.

You need to, uh, come back.

Are you heading back, Butters?

Butters?

All right, Butters,
you should get back

to the access point now.

You're going off grid.

I'm sorry, Eric,

but there's just one thing
I got to do real quick.

There you are, mister!

Just what do you think
you're doing?

Hello, Dad!
It's me... Butters!

I know that.
What are you...

This is for all the times
I got grounded.

Ohh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ha! I could almost feel
his balls on my fist!

How'd you like that, Dad?

Butters, why?!
Oh, my God!

That was incredible!

Uh, Butters, uh, get back
to the access point now.

I feel amazing!

I'm back outside now!
I'm a bad man!

You hear me?!

Take that, you stupid cars!

What the hell
are you doing, kid?!

Butters, it's, uh, time to stop.
Get back to my place.

Who's the man now?!
I'm gonna take his car!

This is like
Grand Theft Auto!

Hey!

Whoa!
I'm in the car now!

Oh, shit.

Butters, Butters,
where are you now?

I'm in the bad part of town!

I just hit a lamppost!
I'm back on my feet.

Oh! Oh, that's cool.
There's a prostitute out here.

Okay, Butters,
let's call it good, okay?

I'm gonna beat her up
and take her money!

Wait.
Hang on, Butters.

Take that, you dumb hooker!

What you doin',
motherfucker?!

I'm taking your money!

Ow. Oh, she stabbed me.
Uh, the hooker stabbed me.

Butters, get back to my room.

The veracrosses
are destabilizing.

I can't...
I can't breathe too good, Eric.

I can't see.
Are you still there?

Oh.
I think I overdid it.

I got to take
this thing off.

What the hell...
What hell is that?!

Aaaah!

Butters? Butters?

You're very lucky,
young man.

You've got a couple
hairline fractures,

but the knife missed your spleen
by half an inch.

I... I d-didn't think a knife
could really hurt me.

I thought I was just
in a virtual reality.

No, you actually got stabbed
by a hooker.

We've called your parents,
and they're on their way.

Your dad wanted me
to let you know

that you're grounded more
than you can possibly imagine.

Aw, nuts!

Try and relax,
and when your parents get here,

we'll sort this all out.

Wonder how long
I'm grounded for.

Butters.

- Aah!
- Are you okay?

Eric!
What are you doing here?

- I'm not here, Butters.
- What?

This is going to be hard
to understand, Butters,

but you've become trapped
in the simulation.

None of this is real.

Nunh-unh!

Yeah-huh.

I told you
never to take the headset off

outside the access point,
didn't I?

We're actually both
at my house right now.

You're wearing the headset,

and I'm talking to you
as a computer program.

That's why I can
manipulate reality.

What?!

You see, in this world,
things aren't what they seem.

Aah! Okay, stop! Stop!

Listen to me carefully,
Butters.

The Oculus compromise
has been streamlined.

You can't trust anyone
in this reality.

Say nothing to no one
about the Oculus Rift.

If you think they know,
they will kill you.

How do you know that?

How would I know
that the nurse

is about to walk through
that door?

Everything okay in here?

Aah!

Yes!
Yes, everything's fine!

Okay.

- Butters.
- No!

I'm gonna get you
back to reality, Butters,

but you have to give me time.

I've got to go.

The Orion parameters
are embellishing.

Just stay quiet.

Aaaah!

Well, are you happy,
Cartman?

Butters is
completely traumatized.

I'm happy that
I totally got away with it.

What's a 911 area code?

Hello?

Hello, Eric.

My name is Steve
from Oculus customer service.

There seems to be an error
with our virtual headsets,

and on behalf of the company,

I would like to apologize
and try to help.

With what?

This is going to be
very jarring for you,

but there's been
a malfunction

with the headset
you ordered from us.

Right now you're actually
in your room at your computer

wearing an Oculus headset,

but you're in a comalike trance,
my friend.

Fu-u-ck you.

I understand your shock,
my friend,

but you have simply been
in the virtual world so long,

you have forgotten.

You should probably
listen to him, dude.

Uh-huh. 'Cause I thought
I was messing with Butters,

but I'm actually the one
trapped in virtual reality.

The people you are talking to

are just computer programs,
my friend.

Guys, tell him you're not
computer programs.

Maybe we are.

Kyle, just don't be a dick
right now.

I know this is
very hard for you,

but we don't have
a lot of time.

You really think
I'm that stupid,

that I'd believe
all of this, all along,

has been me living out some kind
of virtual-reality fantasy?

Fuck you!

Eric? Poopsiekins?

Eric?

Honey, maybe that's enough
computer time.

It's been about 19 hours now.

I know you said not to
disturb you with your new toy,

but Mommy thought
maybe you needed to eat.

All right,
I'll just leave it here, hon.

I'm turning in for the night.
Mommy loves you.

What kind of person
did we raise you to be?!

You think this world is just
there for your amusement?!

You are not
to leave this room,

and you are not allowed
to use the phone or computer!

Please!
You can't do that!

I have to find a way
out of this!

Oh, no, mister.
You are grounded!

Are you fucking with me?

What?
What do you mean?

Butters, I'm seriously.
Are you fucking with me?

I don't know
what you mean...

Because if you are,
it's not cool.

Eric, you said
you were gonna

get me out of
this virtual world.

Butters, I talked
to Oculus customer service,

and they said I'm the one
who's wearing a headset

and has forgotten
he's in virtual reality.

Oh, really?
Oh, that's a relief.

Oh, it's a relief, huh?
Well, guess what, Butters.

If I'm the one trapped
in virtual reality,

that means that you're nothing
but a computer program!

- Oh, God!
- That's right!

Now, you better stop
messing around, Butters,

so I can help you
out of this.

Because you know how I said
if you die in virtual reality,

you die in real life?

Yeah.

Well, if you get grounded
in virtual reality,

you get grounded in real life,
too... forever!

Hello?

Kyle, it's Butters.
I've been grounded!

Again?

No, no!
You don't understand!

This time, I've been grounded
for no good reason.

- I didn't do anything, Kyle.
- Uh-huh.

I think there's something
supernatural going on.

I asked my dad
why I was being grounded,

and he said that for asking him,
that I was more grounded.

It doesn't make sense!

Butters, Butters, I'm... I'm
kind of super busy right now.

Please!
Just go to Cartman's house!

I think the answer
might be within...

Butters! Who is that?!

Mrph! Mrph rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmh?
Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Mrph rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm!

You found Cartman like this,

and you think he's somehow
trapped in virtual reality?

Mrph!

Fu-u-ck you.

Mrph?

- Get up, Cartman.
- Mrph rmhmhm rm!

Okay, then, let's take him
to the hospital.

You hear that, fatso?
You're going to the hospital!

Kyle, maybe this is for real.

Fuck you
if you're in on this.

In on what?

Oh, fuck you.

Yes, no, sorry.

But because you bought
two business-class tickets,

I cannot refund the fares.

That's right.
There is nothing we can do.

AII right, have I answered
all your customer concerns

in a timely, polite manner?

Thank you for calling Korean
Airlines customer service.

El Pollo Loco customer service.
This is Steve.

Oh. Uh, we're trying to reach
Oculus customer service.

Oh, yes.
Uh, yes, my friend.

Oculus customer service.
This is Steve.

Yeah, our friend had been
missing for a few days,

so we went
and checked on him,

and he's in a coma,
wearing your headset.

Oh, yes, yes!

- What is your name, please?
- Kyle.

Kyle, I need to advise you
that this call may be recorded

to help with better
customer service in the future.

Is that agreeable to you?

I don't care.

He doesn't care!
I can continue!

All right, listen
very carefully, my friend.

The headset we sold you
are having some minor problems.

You mean he's actually stuck
in virtual reality?

Yes, and that is why

we are trying to locate all
the headsets and do a recall.

Do you understand?
It is a total recall.

Fu-u-ck you.

Fuck you what?

He says they're doing
a total recall.

Oh, fuck you.

All right, did I take care
of all your customer needs

in a timely and satisfactory
fashion today?

You haven't done anything yet.

But the customer service...
Was that reliable,

and did I accurately
and politely respond

to your concerns?

We need help.
Our friend is in a coma.

Uh, let's see.

Uh, it looks like one of you

is going to have to put on
the Oculus headset

and go into the virtual world

and convince your friend
to get to an access point.

Could you try that, my friend?

It's okay.
Everything is cool.

Don't let anyone
mess with your head,

and it's all gonna be fine.

You're cool, Eric.
You're cool.

Hey, Cartman.
I need to talk to you.

I know.
Let's go to the backyard.

Cartman, I'm going to
tell you something,

and I need you to believe me,
even if it seems impossible.

Okay, Kyle.

All right, here it goes.

Cartman,
you aren't really here.

Mm.

And why do you know that,
Kyle?

Because I saw you, okay,
in your room,

passed out
with a V.R. headset on.

Customer service
said that one of us

needed to put on the headset
and come get you,

and that's why I'm here.

Mm-hmm.

I know it's hard to believe,
but you have to trust me.

And why did the guys
send you, Kyle?

What do you mean?

Kyle, I want you
to brace yourself.

This is going to be
extremely hard to believe,

but you are the one
that's been in a coma

with the V.R. headset on.

Fuck you.

I know it's hard
to grasp, Kyle,

but I was the one sent
by customer service

to try and convince you

that none of what you've seen
is real.

You bought
the Oculus Rift headset, Kyle.

Don't do that.

- Calm down.
- No!

I put your headset on
and came here to...

In virtual reality,
yes, you did.

No. Then I came
into this virtual space.

You've been in the virtual space
all along, Kyle.

Think about it.
We're archrivals.

Why would the guys send you in
to convince me of anything?

Fuck you.

Why would they send you in
to convince me of anything?

Fuck!

Thanks for calling Best Buy.
How can I direct your call?

Yes.
My name is Kyle Broflovski.

Can you tell me if I purchased
an Oculus Rift headset there?

Or if I did.

Or if you sold one
to an Eric Cartman?

I'm gonna have to connect you
to customer service.

Hang on a sec.

Best Buy customer service.
This is Steve.

Dude. What?

What? Hello?

Yes, hello.

This call may be recorded

to ensure good customer service
in the future.

Dude, now this is
getting weird.

Well, this looks
like a lovely meal.

Too bad Butters
won't be enjoying it.

You hear that, mister?!
No dinner for you!

While you're grounded,
you can just go to bed hungry!

Linda, do you remember
why Butters is grounded?

What... What did he do?

Oh, I don't know, Stephen.

I let you handle
all the groundings.

It's strange.

I don't recall him really doing
anything particularly bad,

and yet... and yet
he is grounded.

And no bouncing a racquetball,
either!

No, listen, I called customer
service because I need help.

What am I supposed to do?

Wait. Stan?

Hold on.

Is this my virtual reality
or Cartman's virtual reality?

It's neither.

I know this might be hard
for you to grasp right now,

but this is all
actually real.

No, no, after we found Cartman,
I put the headset on and...

No, dude, dude, we've all
been here the entire time.

Holy shit.

Then this is all real.

We've all been here
from the beginning,

taking turns
on the Oculus Rift headset.

No, you guys,
this is virtual reality.

How do you know?

Because I'm a computer program.

God damn it, Cartman.

I'm telling you guys. I swear.
You have to believe me.

I am a computer program.
I'm not real.

He's lying.

I'm not lying.

Go ahead and ask
customer service.

What was the name
of the person

who first called you
for customer service?

Oh, yes, yes, yes!
That I can answer.

His name was Butters.

Butters called
customer service first?

Have I answered
all your questions

in a satisfying
and courteous manner?

Come on.
We're going to Butters' house.

Hello? My friend?

My friend, I believe we are
having some technical issues

with our phone line.

Please hang on.

I'm going to call
customer service.

Hello. Customer service.
This is Steve.

Hello! This is Steve
with customer service.

Uh, no, no, no, no, my friend.

I am Steve
with customer service.

Listen, my friend.

This is going to be
very hard to comprehend,

but none of what
you are seeing is real.

Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

My friend,
my friend, my friend,

a customer who was in virtual
reality called customer service,

and it has created a
customer feedback loop, okay?

Here in India, we call it
a customer feedback vindaloop.

Oh, fuck you.

No, no, no, no, no.
Do not fuck me because I am you,

and then we will just
be fucking ourselves!

Now, have I provided answers
to your questions

in a courteous
and prompt fashion?

What do you mean,

have you answered
all my questions?

No! You have not answered
any questions at all!

No, no, no, no, no.
Listen. Listen.

If I didn't answer
your questions,

then we have given
bad customer service.

But you didn't answer
any of my questions!

Well, what is more important,
my friend...

the result
or good customer service?

I'm troubled,
I'm troubled in mind

If Jesus don't help me,
I surely will die

Butters!

Ah! But you guys
can't be here.

Why not?

Because I'm grounded.
That means no visitors.

Butters, when did you call
Oculus Rift customer service?

When we were playing
with the Oculus headset.

Don't you guys remember?

We were all
messing around with it.

I played with it first
and went a little nuts.

I forgot I was in virtual
reality, and I got grounded.

And now I'm grounded
in real life.

So now we are
in the real world?

Yes!

You guys,
I have accepted the reality

that I am just
a computer program.

The fact is
that one of us right now

is in a room
wearing a V.R. headset,

seeing all this,
and it's not me.

- Butters!
- Aah!

What are your friends
doing here?!

I'm sorry, Dad!

Hello? Hello, my friend?

- Are you still there?
- Yes, we're here!

Listen carefully, my friend.
You are stuck in a paradox.

It turns out
there are three things

you cannot do
in virtual reality.

You cannot die,
you cannot get grounded,

and you cannot call
customer service.

This is why
you are having problems.

You just don't get it,
do you?!

So then how much of what has
happened was in virtual reality?

That does not matter!

There is only one thing
that matters!

What?

Have I answered your questions
satisfactorily

and offered
good customer service?

That doesn't make sense!

That's the paradox!
Please, my friend! Please!

I am not real!
You are not real!

Have I answered your questions

and provided
good customer service?

This call may be recorded!

You're getting it now!

Yes! Yes, you've answered
all my questions,

and I am pleased

with the customer service
I've been provided!

You guys?
Are you there?

We're right here, dude.
Do you remember now?

Yeah, I remember.

I'm heading back
to the access point.

Oh, my gosh. Linda.

What is it, Stephen?

It's Butters.
He's not grounded anymore.

He's not?

No, I-I've got to tell him.

Butters? Butters!

You can go outside
and play, son.

You... Y-You mean
I'm not grounded?

No. I don't know why or how,
but it's over.

They did it!
They figured it out!

Whoopee!

All right, I'm nearing
checkpoint Alpha.

- You guys still there?
- We're here, dude.

Just a little further,
and we can finally end this.

Okay, I'm back
in Cartman's room.

AII right, Stan,
just sit down at the computer.

All right, dude.
Take off the headset.

So, aside from
all the bullcrap,

what did you think
of the Oculus?

It's pretty cool.

But the graphics suck.

Fellas!
I'm not grounded anymore!