Sabrina, the Animated Series (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 34 - The Hex Files - full transcript
Sabrina is excited to visit Uncle Quigley in his lab while taking a field trip to the observatory. She overhears a conversation between the director of the observatory and Gem's Uncle who ...
[PURRING]
♪ SHE'S GOT
A SUPERSTAR CAT ♪
♪ WHO KNOWS
WHERE IT'S AT ♪
♪ STAND UP
AND RAISE YOUR HAT ♪
♪ SHE'S A SPELLBOUND
ACROBAT ♪
♪ SO HAVE YOU SEEN HER? ♪
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ FOR SUPER MAGIC
CALL SABRINA ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE FUN NOW ♪
♪ ARE YOU READY? ♪
♪ COME HAVE A RIDE ♪
♪ GET HAPPY ♪
♪ SO HAVE YOU SEEN HER? ♪
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ FOR SUPER MAGIC
CALL SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
HA HA!
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DIC ENTERTAINMENT
♪ DUM DE DUM DUM DUM ♪
What aspect of Astronomy
will you write your report on
Harvey?
Too many.
Coming too fast...must
stay focused...to save Earth.
Ground control to Major Harv?!
Come in Captain Kinkle!!!
Wu-huh?
Nuts!
I was about to get to level 2!
I only had the leader of the
Xenuvian battle saucers to
plasma-blast!
Ahh,
plasma-blasting Xenuvians!
There's a skill, Harv!
May as well skip Junior
High and sign right up for
"Space-Fleet Command."
Uh, Sorry!
Did you say
something Earthling..
uh..Sabrina?
Yes, Oh great Bus-Vader.
I was wondering what you
were gonna base your
Astronomy paper on?
Well Spellman, I know what I'm
gonna base my paper on -- How
Virgos, which includes Moi,
and Scorpio's make a perfecto
love match.
Why, you're a
Scorpio, aren't you Harvey?
Horoscopes are
astrology Gem, not Astronomy.
We're not
studying birth signs.
We're studying stars!
You know my Uncle Quigley's
doing research at the
Observatory.
We should drop
by and say hello,
okay Harv?
Harv? Ugh.
Hmmm.
Either my backpack's alive or
the mayo in my tuna sandwich
was w-a-a-ay past
its expiration date.
Um, I guess saying I'm sorry
isn't going to give you back
that tuna sandwich.(Burp)
I..I just remember,
uh, stumbling
into this backpack.
I recall a chewing
sound then, well,
The rest, tragically, is
a, uh, blank.
URP!
Yeah, a blankety blank cat
whose breath sure smells
fishy!
Just stay outta sight 'til
the field trip is over Salem!
My sandwich!
How could you?!
Isn't that cute?
Spellman's talking
to her sandwich.
It must be full of baloney.
Just like Sabrina!
On your right is a re-creation
of how the surface of the moon
appeared to the
Apollo 11 astronauts.
The first humans to leave
foot prints in the lunar dust.
Oooooo!
First "humans" is right.
In my day we just called
the moon Planet Kitty Litter!
We left behind
more than footprints,
believe me.
Way too much
information Salem.
Wow!
Isn't the
Observatory fascinating Harv?
Uh HARV!
Galaxy Savior,
thy name is Kinkle!
HAHAHA!
Here, let me open another can
of Whoop-asteroid for ya,
Space fiend!
Harvey's missing this whole
cool tour of the Observatory
because of that stupid game.
Hey!
What the!? Can't Stop now! No!
Can't stop now!
Must save Earth.
Looks like your
batteries wore out.
Hu? Wha? B-Batteries?
Where are we?
Our school field trip?
Remember?
You should join us
here on Planet Reality.
Here, I'll hold this 'til we
find some more batteries, O.K.?
Salem: Ow! I'm napping in here!
B-batteries?
Yes.
Sabrina. Friend.
Like..to pet..ponies.
Are you O.K. Harv?
Sure. Never b-better.
M-mommy..hello?
Hello?
Sorry I was so nutty
back there Sabrina.
My Dad calls it "The
Face" It's my game face.
When I play my Gadget Guy it's
like I can't think of anything
but what I'm concentrating on.
I guess I kinda lose it.
Yeah. Well now that
you've found it again,
let's drop in on Uncle Quig!
Ugh!
Look Harvey, we're here,
and Uncle Quigley is down in
section...section
n..uh... Sheesh.
Uncle Quig's office is
deeper than a monologue on
Dawson's Creek. C'mon.
Ah! Hello Harvey, Sabrina!
Welcome to my Top
Secret Project.
What exactly is your
project Uncle Quigley?
The Search for Outer
Space Intelligent Thingies.
I'm beaming a message of Earth
greetings to deep space and
hoping for a response.
I am Quigley of planet Earth.
Greetings.
This message may take over
100 light years to reach your
planet!
Hopefully we foolish humans
won't destroy our own planet
by then.
Please feel free to respond!
So you're like an
intergalactic talk show host.
Cool Uncle Quig.
Don't forget to be
arrogant and rude to callers.
Talk radio
audiences expect that.
I'm afraid KQUIG's phone lines
haven't exactly been burning
up the switchboards, Harvey.
No collect calls
from Mars, huh?
'Fraid not.
Sometimes I fear I'm becoming
a laughing stock in the
scientific community.
Don't be
ridiculous Uncle Quigley...
Professor Quigley,
there's a call on line one.
It's some members of
the scientific community.
OH!
Ehem, uh Hello-
(laughter)
Well...you'll never be a
laughing stock in my eyes.
Well, we better get
back to our school tour.
Hang in there Uncle Quig.
I'm sure
everything will work out.
See ya back at home!
AhahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!
Poor Uncle Quigley.
I've never seen him
look so depressed.
The respect of his
peers means a lot to him.
Don't sweat it Sabrina.
Everybody likes
your Uncle Quigley.
You know that.
Yeah. Of course they do.
Man's voice:
Quigley, Quigley, Quigley!
I tell you I
don't like that man!
I want him fired!
I'm not leaving the
observatory until he's
thrown out!
If word of Professor Quigley's
preposterous experiment leaked
out of this observatory
we'd be laughed out of the
scientific community
right along with him!
I think you're
being harsh Thaddius!
I happen to like
Professor Quigley,
and I really think he
believes in his experiment.
This institution has
to shut Quigley down!
(gasp)
Alright, alright.
I'll give Quigley 24 hours.
If he doesn't get a response
from space I'll shut down his
program and divert his funds
to you and your research.
You won't regret it, Sir.
Studying the effects of
restrictive clothing on
defenseless little lab animals
must be explored - - and that
kind of research
doesn't come cheap!
This is horrible.
We've got to do something!
We can call off the search!
They're right here
Mrs. Drononanon!
Try to stay with the
group Harvey and Sabrina.
I don't want Gem to have
to blow that whistle again.
I hate that whistle.
Sabrina and Harvey:
Yes Ma'am.
Uncle Thaddius Stone!
Gem Stone, my favorite niece.
I knew there was
something about that guy.
Why Uncle Thad you big silly.
What are you up to?
Oh. Just removing
some excess baggage
around the observatory.
I.E. firing some hacks.
All in a days work!
Great.
Can you fire some
of my teachers?
HAHAHA!
That's my girl.
A true Stone!
HA HA HA!
Just point! I'll
make some calls.
My Uncle Quigley is
not excess baggage!
If only Uncle Quig could get a
response from space he'd show
that guy.
If only there's
a way I could...
"YOU could"?
Hold on Sabrina.
I may be only newly 13 but I
have wisdom beyond my years,
or so I was told by the palm
reader I handed over my last
ten bucks to...
You were going
somewhere with this Harvey?
Oh, your Uncle
Quigley's a grown man.
He should stand or
fall on his own.
Meddling in other people's
business might not be such a
good idea.
No matter how
much you love 'em.
Sheesh, sounds like dialogue
directly lifted from the
Brady Bunch.
Of course. You're right Harv.
I was just thinking
out loud...heh heh.
Uh, will you excuse
me a second Harvey.
I think I left my uh..wallet,
back on the rings of Saturn.
Sure Sabs.
I'll meet ya in
the planetarium.
Alright Salem.
We gotta help Uncle Quig!
You know it!
I know it!
We?
Yes WE.
You ate my lunch. I was hungry.
I LOVE TUNA. You owe me.
Look, it's none
of our business.
This from a cat who's motto is
"If it ain't broke..break it."
That is my motto, isn't it?
Okay, so what's cookin'
in that little blond head.
Simple!
A little magic help.
If we can create an
alien response...well...
Quig will show everyone.
Ah, the old "artificial
alien response spell."
Is it that time of year again?
Boy, you can set
your watch by it.
We gotta hurry.
Quig's coffee
break is almost over.
What're you doing anyway?
I'm on hold with
the Spookie Jar.
The Spookie Jar has a phone?
Your call is important to us.
We are currently
assisting other witches.
Please hold on and a
representative will cast a
spell shortly.
Huh?
Sheesh.
I had no idea a ceramic
jar could be so busy.
Make the music stop!
If you don't like the tunes
don't dial the number furball.
Ahh. No, love the tunes.
So, can you help us?
Really, okay go ahead.
Got it.
Sounds easy enough.
Great! Thanks.
Love ya too.
The Spookie Jar
said "love ya"?!
Nah. I just say "love ya too"
cuz I know it bugs him.
Anyway, here's what we do -
We say this spell over Quig's
computer and an alien life
form will appear for 24 hours
as if it's making
it's way to Earth,
long enough for
Quig to keep his job,
Then it'll vanish.
We just gotta supply an alien.
Supply a what?
An Alien.
An example of what you want
these space critters to look
like.
A picture or something.
How would I know what an
alien's supposed to look
like..I..hey..wait a minute.
This is what aliens look like.
O.k. here goes.
By Isaac Newton and
Einstein's theory,
for 24 hours this illusion
will clearly fool those on
Earth who see this sight,
think it's real for just one
night!
But beware the
twist, if you deceive,
when one day you
find you too believe.
Cool.
Wait'll Gem
Stone's Uncle sees this!
C'mon we gotta catch the bus.
Ooops.
I am Quigley of Planet Earth
ZZZSSSH I BZZZ others like me
BSHHHZ take-over..
bZZHH...
your planet..destroy..BZZZ!
Respond bshhhzz!
I am Quigley..of Planet
Earth..I..Others like me..take
over..your
planet..destroy..respond.
I guess this Quigley Earth
fool doesn't know who he's
messin' with do he?!
No sir!
No way!
Uh uh!
Look at him there!
Threatenin' us!
Intimidatin' us
with his space army!
Backin' us against a wall!
It's pitiful!
Here, here!
It sure is!
Bah!
Well he can save his breath!
We're Whimpulons and you
all know what we're gonna do!
What our proud civilization
has always done for zinky
quatloos when threatened
by outside invaders,
when evil gets in our face,
when we get pushed TOO FAR!
We're gonna...
SURRENDER!
That's right!
There's no way we're
gonna tangle with a ugly,
scary lookin' crazy ol'
Earth fool like that thing!
We're givin up!
Yayyy!
Give up!
It's for the best!
Let's surrender!
It's safer!
Let's roll over!
HelmsThingy!
Set a course to this
Quigley on this Earth planet!
Aye Captain!
Firstmate Hairball 6!
Start building a white flag!
A big one!
And prepare the gift baskets!
Aye Captain!
Cheezewedge2!
Hand me my inflatable donut!
We've a long journey ahead
and my gleexnobulons
are killin' me!
We're off to GIVE UP!
Yayyyy!!
Hmmm.
Well.
I guess, maybe the aliens got
lost on their way to Earth!
Oh well.
At least Professor
Quigley made contact!
Just like he said he would!
Long live Quigley!
Long Live Quigley!
Boy did this ever
work like a charm.
I wonder if Gem's Uncle is
enjoying the crow he's eating?
I know I always do.
We'd better get dressed.
I wanna look my best when Quig
is handed the International
Science Prize!
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.
Harvey it's you!
I thought it was gonna be
more of those pesky newspeople
wanting to interview my
internationally renowned
Uncle Quig!
Well. Uh.
That's kinda what I
wanna talk to you about.
I wonder if I could
talk to you uh...alone.
Sabrina..It's
about your Uncle.
And..finding those aliens.
Isn't it great!
Uncle Quig's on
top of the world!
I've seen the footage of the
approaching aliens and they
sure look an awful lot
like the Xenuvians on my
gadget guy.
Sabrina, did you meddle in
your Uncle's experiment?
Meddle's a strong word Harv.
I prefer the word
"helped".
I knew it!
I just couldn't bear to
see Gem Stone's uncle take
Quigley's funding away
to use for his own stupid
experiments.
It would have
broken Quigley's heart.
But don't you see.
This whole thing is a big lie.
You're gonna end up hurting
Quig more than helping him!
I'd never do that Harv.
Look. By this time tomorrow,
I feel VERY strongly
this whole thing will
blow over. Trust me.
Hmmmm...This time
Spellman...your little web of
lies is as tangled as a..as a
..as a really tangled thing
MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Three words: Pink.
Dog. Sweater.
(dog whimpers)
Oh Uncle Thad!
You will be getting me an
enormous birthday present
this year.
Just wait 'til you hear
what I have to tell you.
I am proud to give the Global
Science Prize to a colleague
who makes us all proud.
Professor
Quigley's determination,
intelligence, and dedication
to scientific endeavors can
only be matched by...
His blatant trickery!
You wanna know where
Quigley's mysterious aliens
originated from?
I'll show you!
Gasp!
That's right!
Professor Quigley is a fraud!
Boo!
Boo!
BOOOOO!
Uh oh!
Oh no. This is all my fault.
That was the most humiliating
thing that's ever
happened to me.
Obviously you've never
been 'pantsed' at a
KitchyWare party.
Salem and I feel
horrible Uncle Quig.
We were just trying to help,
because we believe in you.
If you truly believed in me,
you wouldn't have meddled in
my affairs.
I feel terrible.
How could you ever let me
do such a stupid thing?
Me?! My paws were tied.
I tried to talk you
out of it remem-oops!?
Mortal! 3 O'clock
and approaching!
Harvey?
Just thought maybe your
Uncle could use a hand.
This is partially my fault.
I never shoulda taken my eyes
off you when those wheels in
your head started spinning.
Unlike the rest of
humanity, I still
believe in you Uncle Quigley.
Thanks Harvey.
But don't waste your time.
My experiment WAS silly.
Aliens BAH! Right!
Oh!
(Gasp)
Whoa. W-where are we..?
Welcome Great Quigley!
Either we're on an alien
ship or Quig just won the
Publisher's
Clearing House prize.
Whoah, Sabrina!
These aliens
made the cat talk.
Freak me!
Hello, oh great Quigley.
We are here to surrender to
you and to take you back to
our planet to rule over us.
Rule over you?
We got your
message loud and clear.
I am Quigley of
planet Earth Bzz.
I bzzz others like me
Bzzz take over your planet.
Destroy.
Respond.
Bzzz.
Oh no!
When we spilled the coffee
onto Quigley's computer.
Remember all the
sparks n'stuff?
You what?
As you can see there is no
need to destroy our planet.
We give up.
B-but I don't want
to be your leader.
There's been a mistake.
I sent a
greeting not a threat.
Well, we can't
dally over details.
We surrender anyway!
Now let's get goin'!
Now siddown and relax.
We gotta blotzofreeze you.
Blotzofreeze?
At least this
proves my theory.
There is real
intelligent life out there.
We surrender,
that's what we do.
We are whimpulons.
We're scared, it's true.
I think "intelligent life"
may be a slight exaggeration.
Pierre! Blotzofreeze them!
Sabrina, after this
trip, you are so grounded!
I only hope their
planet has tuna.
Gee Sabrina...its too bad
we'll never see Earth again.
With this talking cat, we
could build a whole TV show
around him.
Psha!
Like I'd ever sell out.
What was that?
We're under attack!
Squishything! Put the
attackers on the main screen!
Good galaxies.
It's the evil Xenuvians whose
only goal is to turn Earth
into a ball of burnt mud!
Salem...W-what's happening?
I guess we misunderstood
the end of that spell.
The part that says, "Beware
the twist if you deceive,
when one day you
find you too believe."
And what does that mean?
Oops.
I'm afraid we brought those
Earth killin' aliens to life.
"Oops?!"
We're responsible
for destroying Earth!
Quickly!!!
Load the gift
basket torpedo tubes!
We have to make these
creatures like us so we can
surrender to them!
Fire One!! Fire Two!!
They're not accepting
our offering of surrender.
No.
You can't give up!
You don't know
these Xenuvians!
Sure they're just
electronic imagery,
but they will stop at nothing.
Once they destroy us,
they'll destroy Earth.
They must be stopped.
Well, what do we do?
We have no weapons?!
We can short them
out, one by one.
With water!
Quickly!
Fill all these balloons
with two parts Hydrogen,
and one part Oxygen.
Oui.
Just don't raise
your voice at me.
I'm fragile.
Speaking of water.
Load them in those
"surrender gift tubes."
We're gonna water balloon
those video villains back into
the big bang theory.
Whoa!
I've waited my
whole life for this.
So, this is what we've
been missing all those eons.
Glipjaggit we're
never giving up again!
Yeehah! WhoooHooo. Ha.
I got one!
Great kitty!
It's the last
water balloon Harvey!
You've only got one shot left!
O-One shot.
But the last Xenuvian is...
The Xenuvian Leader.
I've never been
able to beat him.
I never get past this level!
Use the Face Harvey.
Use the Face.
The Face.
Of course, My game face.
Must...wait...wait..wait now!
Noooooo!
As you can see, the
dog is uncomfortable.
Now with the funds diverted
from that fraud Quigley to my
research...one day
we'll understand why.
Noooooo!
Why?
Ow. My spine.
Harv! You did it! You saved
us! You saved the world!
Oh Great Quigley, how
can we ever repay you?
I'm sure we'd just
all like to go home.
Alright, we gotta
find more balloons.
Let's take over
some weaker planets.
YeeHaa...Oh boy!!
He He Haaaa!
S-Sabrina?
What happened?
You, uh, were p-playing
your Game Guy.
You had your "Face" on. So
intense! Nothing could
stop you... and then, well,
you saved the world Harvey!
I did it!
I finally did it!
I've been trying to reach
this level all my life.
Whoa, it seemed so real!
Can you believe it Sabrina.
I saved the world!!!
You have no idea Harvey.
Now! Onward to level 2!
Prepare to meet my plasma
blaster Xenuvian scourge!
You go Harv!
Ya know.
I had the weirdest
dream about your Cat...
(laughter)
(laughter)
(laughter)
Freaks!
Girl: Savage, we love you.
♪ SHE'S GOT
A SUPERSTAR CAT ♪
♪ WHO KNOWS
WHERE IT'S AT ♪
♪ STAND UP
AND RAISE YOUR HAT ♪
♪ SHE'S A SPELLBOUND
ACROBAT ♪
♪ SO HAVE YOU SEEN HER? ♪
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ FOR SUPER MAGIC
CALL SABRINA ♪
♪ HERE COMES THE FUN NOW ♪
♪ ARE YOU READY? ♪
♪ COME HAVE A RIDE ♪
♪ GET HAPPY ♪
♪ SO HAVE YOU SEEN HER? ♪
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ FOR SUPER MAGIC
CALL SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
♪ YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
SHE'LL BEWITCH YOU ♪
HA HA!
♪ SHE'S THE GREATEST ♪
♪ SABRINA ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DIC ENTERTAINMENT
♪ DUM DE DUM DUM DUM ♪
What aspect of Astronomy
will you write your report on
Harvey?
Too many.
Coming too fast...must
stay focused...to save Earth.
Ground control to Major Harv?!
Come in Captain Kinkle!!!
Wu-huh?
Nuts!
I was about to get to level 2!
I only had the leader of the
Xenuvian battle saucers to
plasma-blast!
Ahh,
plasma-blasting Xenuvians!
There's a skill, Harv!
May as well skip Junior
High and sign right up for
"Space-Fleet Command."
Uh, Sorry!
Did you say
something Earthling..
uh..Sabrina?
Yes, Oh great Bus-Vader.
I was wondering what you
were gonna base your
Astronomy paper on?
Well Spellman, I know what I'm
gonna base my paper on -- How
Virgos, which includes Moi,
and Scorpio's make a perfecto
love match.
Why, you're a
Scorpio, aren't you Harvey?
Horoscopes are
astrology Gem, not Astronomy.
We're not
studying birth signs.
We're studying stars!
You know my Uncle Quigley's
doing research at the
Observatory.
We should drop
by and say hello,
okay Harv?
Harv? Ugh.
Hmmm.
Either my backpack's alive or
the mayo in my tuna sandwich
was w-a-a-ay past
its expiration date.
Um, I guess saying I'm sorry
isn't going to give you back
that tuna sandwich.(Burp)
I..I just remember,
uh, stumbling
into this backpack.
I recall a chewing
sound then, well,
The rest, tragically, is
a, uh, blank.
URP!
Yeah, a blankety blank cat
whose breath sure smells
fishy!
Just stay outta sight 'til
the field trip is over Salem!
My sandwich!
How could you?!
Isn't that cute?
Spellman's talking
to her sandwich.
It must be full of baloney.
Just like Sabrina!
On your right is a re-creation
of how the surface of the moon
appeared to the
Apollo 11 astronauts.
The first humans to leave
foot prints in the lunar dust.
Oooooo!
First "humans" is right.
In my day we just called
the moon Planet Kitty Litter!
We left behind
more than footprints,
believe me.
Way too much
information Salem.
Wow!
Isn't the
Observatory fascinating Harv?
Uh HARV!
Galaxy Savior,
thy name is Kinkle!
HAHAHA!
Here, let me open another can
of Whoop-asteroid for ya,
Space fiend!
Harvey's missing this whole
cool tour of the Observatory
because of that stupid game.
Hey!
What the!? Can't Stop now! No!
Can't stop now!
Must save Earth.
Looks like your
batteries wore out.
Hu? Wha? B-Batteries?
Where are we?
Our school field trip?
Remember?
You should join us
here on Planet Reality.
Here, I'll hold this 'til we
find some more batteries, O.K.?
Salem: Ow! I'm napping in here!
B-batteries?
Yes.
Sabrina. Friend.
Like..to pet..ponies.
Are you O.K. Harv?
Sure. Never b-better.
M-mommy..hello?
Hello?
Sorry I was so nutty
back there Sabrina.
My Dad calls it "The
Face" It's my game face.
When I play my Gadget Guy it's
like I can't think of anything
but what I'm concentrating on.
I guess I kinda lose it.
Yeah. Well now that
you've found it again,
let's drop in on Uncle Quig!
Ugh!
Look Harvey, we're here,
and Uncle Quigley is down in
section...section
n..uh... Sheesh.
Uncle Quig's office is
deeper than a monologue on
Dawson's Creek. C'mon.
Ah! Hello Harvey, Sabrina!
Welcome to my Top
Secret Project.
What exactly is your
project Uncle Quigley?
The Search for Outer
Space Intelligent Thingies.
I'm beaming a message of Earth
greetings to deep space and
hoping for a response.
I am Quigley of planet Earth.
Greetings.
This message may take over
100 light years to reach your
planet!
Hopefully we foolish humans
won't destroy our own planet
by then.
Please feel free to respond!
So you're like an
intergalactic talk show host.
Cool Uncle Quig.
Don't forget to be
arrogant and rude to callers.
Talk radio
audiences expect that.
I'm afraid KQUIG's phone lines
haven't exactly been burning
up the switchboards, Harvey.
No collect calls
from Mars, huh?
'Fraid not.
Sometimes I fear I'm becoming
a laughing stock in the
scientific community.
Don't be
ridiculous Uncle Quigley...
Professor Quigley,
there's a call on line one.
It's some members of
the scientific community.
OH!
Ehem, uh Hello-
(laughter)
Well...you'll never be a
laughing stock in my eyes.
Well, we better get
back to our school tour.
Hang in there Uncle Quig.
I'm sure
everything will work out.
See ya back at home!
AhahahahaHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!
Poor Uncle Quigley.
I've never seen him
look so depressed.
The respect of his
peers means a lot to him.
Don't sweat it Sabrina.
Everybody likes
your Uncle Quigley.
You know that.
Yeah. Of course they do.
Man's voice:
Quigley, Quigley, Quigley!
I tell you I
don't like that man!
I want him fired!
I'm not leaving the
observatory until he's
thrown out!
If word of Professor Quigley's
preposterous experiment leaked
out of this observatory
we'd be laughed out of the
scientific community
right along with him!
I think you're
being harsh Thaddius!
I happen to like
Professor Quigley,
and I really think he
believes in his experiment.
This institution has
to shut Quigley down!
(gasp)
Alright, alright.
I'll give Quigley 24 hours.
If he doesn't get a response
from space I'll shut down his
program and divert his funds
to you and your research.
You won't regret it, Sir.
Studying the effects of
restrictive clothing on
defenseless little lab animals
must be explored - - and that
kind of research
doesn't come cheap!
This is horrible.
We've got to do something!
We can call off the search!
They're right here
Mrs. Drononanon!
Try to stay with the
group Harvey and Sabrina.
I don't want Gem to have
to blow that whistle again.
I hate that whistle.
Sabrina and Harvey:
Yes Ma'am.
Uncle Thaddius Stone!
Gem Stone, my favorite niece.
I knew there was
something about that guy.
Why Uncle Thad you big silly.
What are you up to?
Oh. Just removing
some excess baggage
around the observatory.
I.E. firing some hacks.
All in a days work!
Great.
Can you fire some
of my teachers?
HAHAHA!
That's my girl.
A true Stone!
HA HA HA!
Just point! I'll
make some calls.
My Uncle Quigley is
not excess baggage!
If only Uncle Quig could get a
response from space he'd show
that guy.
If only there's
a way I could...
"YOU could"?
Hold on Sabrina.
I may be only newly 13 but I
have wisdom beyond my years,
or so I was told by the palm
reader I handed over my last
ten bucks to...
You were going
somewhere with this Harvey?
Oh, your Uncle
Quigley's a grown man.
He should stand or
fall on his own.
Meddling in other people's
business might not be such a
good idea.
No matter how
much you love 'em.
Sheesh, sounds like dialogue
directly lifted from the
Brady Bunch.
Of course. You're right Harv.
I was just thinking
out loud...heh heh.
Uh, will you excuse
me a second Harvey.
I think I left my uh..wallet,
back on the rings of Saturn.
Sure Sabs.
I'll meet ya in
the planetarium.
Alright Salem.
We gotta help Uncle Quig!
You know it!
I know it!
We?
Yes WE.
You ate my lunch. I was hungry.
I LOVE TUNA. You owe me.
Look, it's none
of our business.
This from a cat who's motto is
"If it ain't broke..break it."
That is my motto, isn't it?
Okay, so what's cookin'
in that little blond head.
Simple!
A little magic help.
If we can create an
alien response...well...
Quig will show everyone.
Ah, the old "artificial
alien response spell."
Is it that time of year again?
Boy, you can set
your watch by it.
We gotta hurry.
Quig's coffee
break is almost over.
What're you doing anyway?
I'm on hold with
the Spookie Jar.
The Spookie Jar has a phone?
Your call is important to us.
We are currently
assisting other witches.
Please hold on and a
representative will cast a
spell shortly.
Huh?
Sheesh.
I had no idea a ceramic
jar could be so busy.
Make the music stop!
If you don't like the tunes
don't dial the number furball.
Ahh. No, love the tunes.
So, can you help us?
Really, okay go ahead.
Got it.
Sounds easy enough.
Great! Thanks.
Love ya too.
The Spookie Jar
said "love ya"?!
Nah. I just say "love ya too"
cuz I know it bugs him.
Anyway, here's what we do -
We say this spell over Quig's
computer and an alien life
form will appear for 24 hours
as if it's making
it's way to Earth,
long enough for
Quig to keep his job,
Then it'll vanish.
We just gotta supply an alien.
Supply a what?
An Alien.
An example of what you want
these space critters to look
like.
A picture or something.
How would I know what an
alien's supposed to look
like..I..hey..wait a minute.
This is what aliens look like.
O.k. here goes.
By Isaac Newton and
Einstein's theory,
for 24 hours this illusion
will clearly fool those on
Earth who see this sight,
think it's real for just one
night!
But beware the
twist, if you deceive,
when one day you
find you too believe.
Cool.
Wait'll Gem
Stone's Uncle sees this!
C'mon we gotta catch the bus.
Ooops.
I am Quigley of Planet Earth
ZZZSSSH I BZZZ others like me
BSHHHZ take-over..
bZZHH...
your planet..destroy..BZZZ!
Respond bshhhzz!
I am Quigley..of Planet
Earth..I..Others like me..take
over..your
planet..destroy..respond.
I guess this Quigley Earth
fool doesn't know who he's
messin' with do he?!
No sir!
No way!
Uh uh!
Look at him there!
Threatenin' us!
Intimidatin' us
with his space army!
Backin' us against a wall!
It's pitiful!
Here, here!
It sure is!
Bah!
Well he can save his breath!
We're Whimpulons and you
all know what we're gonna do!
What our proud civilization
has always done for zinky
quatloos when threatened
by outside invaders,
when evil gets in our face,
when we get pushed TOO FAR!
We're gonna...
SURRENDER!
That's right!
There's no way we're
gonna tangle with a ugly,
scary lookin' crazy ol'
Earth fool like that thing!
We're givin up!
Yayyy!
Give up!
It's for the best!
Let's surrender!
It's safer!
Let's roll over!
HelmsThingy!
Set a course to this
Quigley on this Earth planet!
Aye Captain!
Firstmate Hairball 6!
Start building a white flag!
A big one!
And prepare the gift baskets!
Aye Captain!
Cheezewedge2!
Hand me my inflatable donut!
We've a long journey ahead
and my gleexnobulons
are killin' me!
We're off to GIVE UP!
Yayyyy!!
Hmmm.
Well.
I guess, maybe the aliens got
lost on their way to Earth!
Oh well.
At least Professor
Quigley made contact!
Just like he said he would!
Long live Quigley!
Long Live Quigley!
Boy did this ever
work like a charm.
I wonder if Gem's Uncle is
enjoying the crow he's eating?
I know I always do.
We'd better get dressed.
I wanna look my best when Quig
is handed the International
Science Prize!
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.
Harvey it's you!
I thought it was gonna be
more of those pesky newspeople
wanting to interview my
internationally renowned
Uncle Quig!
Well. Uh.
That's kinda what I
wanna talk to you about.
I wonder if I could
talk to you uh...alone.
Sabrina..It's
about your Uncle.
And..finding those aliens.
Isn't it great!
Uncle Quig's on
top of the world!
I've seen the footage of the
approaching aliens and they
sure look an awful lot
like the Xenuvians on my
gadget guy.
Sabrina, did you meddle in
your Uncle's experiment?
Meddle's a strong word Harv.
I prefer the word
"helped".
I knew it!
I just couldn't bear to
see Gem Stone's uncle take
Quigley's funding away
to use for his own stupid
experiments.
It would have
broken Quigley's heart.
But don't you see.
This whole thing is a big lie.
You're gonna end up hurting
Quig more than helping him!
I'd never do that Harv.
Look. By this time tomorrow,
I feel VERY strongly
this whole thing will
blow over. Trust me.
Hmmmm...This time
Spellman...your little web of
lies is as tangled as a..as a
..as a really tangled thing
MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Three words: Pink.
Dog. Sweater.
(dog whimpers)
Oh Uncle Thad!
You will be getting me an
enormous birthday present
this year.
Just wait 'til you hear
what I have to tell you.
I am proud to give the Global
Science Prize to a colleague
who makes us all proud.
Professor
Quigley's determination,
intelligence, and dedication
to scientific endeavors can
only be matched by...
His blatant trickery!
You wanna know where
Quigley's mysterious aliens
originated from?
I'll show you!
Gasp!
That's right!
Professor Quigley is a fraud!
Boo!
Boo!
BOOOOO!
Uh oh!
Oh no. This is all my fault.
That was the most humiliating
thing that's ever
happened to me.
Obviously you've never
been 'pantsed' at a
KitchyWare party.
Salem and I feel
horrible Uncle Quig.
We were just trying to help,
because we believe in you.
If you truly believed in me,
you wouldn't have meddled in
my affairs.
I feel terrible.
How could you ever let me
do such a stupid thing?
Me?! My paws were tied.
I tried to talk you
out of it remem-oops!?
Mortal! 3 O'clock
and approaching!
Harvey?
Just thought maybe your
Uncle could use a hand.
This is partially my fault.
I never shoulda taken my eyes
off you when those wheels in
your head started spinning.
Unlike the rest of
humanity, I still
believe in you Uncle Quigley.
Thanks Harvey.
But don't waste your time.
My experiment WAS silly.
Aliens BAH! Right!
Oh!
(Gasp)
Whoa. W-where are we..?
Welcome Great Quigley!
Either we're on an alien
ship or Quig just won the
Publisher's
Clearing House prize.
Whoah, Sabrina!
These aliens
made the cat talk.
Freak me!
Hello, oh great Quigley.
We are here to surrender to
you and to take you back to
our planet to rule over us.
Rule over you?
We got your
message loud and clear.
I am Quigley of
planet Earth Bzz.
I bzzz others like me
Bzzz take over your planet.
Destroy.
Respond.
Bzzz.
Oh no!
When we spilled the coffee
onto Quigley's computer.
Remember all the
sparks n'stuff?
You what?
As you can see there is no
need to destroy our planet.
We give up.
B-but I don't want
to be your leader.
There's been a mistake.
I sent a
greeting not a threat.
Well, we can't
dally over details.
We surrender anyway!
Now let's get goin'!
Now siddown and relax.
We gotta blotzofreeze you.
Blotzofreeze?
At least this
proves my theory.
There is real
intelligent life out there.
We surrender,
that's what we do.
We are whimpulons.
We're scared, it's true.
I think "intelligent life"
may be a slight exaggeration.
Pierre! Blotzofreeze them!
Sabrina, after this
trip, you are so grounded!
I only hope their
planet has tuna.
Gee Sabrina...its too bad
we'll never see Earth again.
With this talking cat, we
could build a whole TV show
around him.
Psha!
Like I'd ever sell out.
What was that?
We're under attack!
Squishything! Put the
attackers on the main screen!
Good galaxies.
It's the evil Xenuvians whose
only goal is to turn Earth
into a ball of burnt mud!
Salem...W-what's happening?
I guess we misunderstood
the end of that spell.
The part that says, "Beware
the twist if you deceive,
when one day you
find you too believe."
And what does that mean?
Oops.
I'm afraid we brought those
Earth killin' aliens to life.
"Oops?!"
We're responsible
for destroying Earth!
Quickly!!!
Load the gift
basket torpedo tubes!
We have to make these
creatures like us so we can
surrender to them!
Fire One!! Fire Two!!
They're not accepting
our offering of surrender.
No.
You can't give up!
You don't know
these Xenuvians!
Sure they're just
electronic imagery,
but they will stop at nothing.
Once they destroy us,
they'll destroy Earth.
They must be stopped.
Well, what do we do?
We have no weapons?!
We can short them
out, one by one.
With water!
Quickly!
Fill all these balloons
with two parts Hydrogen,
and one part Oxygen.
Oui.
Just don't raise
your voice at me.
I'm fragile.
Speaking of water.
Load them in those
"surrender gift tubes."
We're gonna water balloon
those video villains back into
the big bang theory.
Whoa!
I've waited my
whole life for this.
So, this is what we've
been missing all those eons.
Glipjaggit we're
never giving up again!
Yeehah! WhoooHooo. Ha.
I got one!
Great kitty!
It's the last
water balloon Harvey!
You've only got one shot left!
O-One shot.
But the last Xenuvian is...
The Xenuvian Leader.
I've never been
able to beat him.
I never get past this level!
Use the Face Harvey.
Use the Face.
The Face.
Of course, My game face.
Must...wait...wait..wait now!
Noooooo!
As you can see, the
dog is uncomfortable.
Now with the funds diverted
from that fraud Quigley to my
research...one day
we'll understand why.
Noooooo!
Why?
Ow. My spine.
Harv! You did it! You saved
us! You saved the world!
Oh Great Quigley, how
can we ever repay you?
I'm sure we'd just
all like to go home.
Alright, we gotta
find more balloons.
Let's take over
some weaker planets.
YeeHaa...Oh boy!!
He He Haaaa!
S-Sabrina?
What happened?
You, uh, were p-playing
your Game Guy.
You had your "Face" on. So
intense! Nothing could
stop you... and then, well,
you saved the world Harvey!
I did it!
I finally did it!
I've been trying to reach
this level all my life.
Whoa, it seemed so real!
Can you believe it Sabrina.
I saved the world!!!
You have no idea Harvey.
Now! Onward to level 2!
Prepare to meet my plasma
blaster Xenuvian scourge!
You go Harv!
Ya know.
I had the weirdest
dream about your Cat...
(laughter)
(laughter)
(laughter)
Freaks!
Girl: Savage, we love you.