Newhart (1982–1990): Season 6, Episode 2 - Prima Darryl - full transcript
Larry, Darryl, and Darryl have their relationship turned upside down when Larry discovers he isn't the oldest brother.
[Gasping]
Is something wrong, Stephanie?
In the kitchen.
Something fuzzy. Moving.
Like... like a grizzly?
Only worse.
Smaller and spider-shaped.
So what you're saying is
there's a bug in the kitchen.
Kill it, Michael!
And make it suffer!
Uh, actually, Steph, spiders
have an awfully short life span.
If you leave it alone,
it'll die in a few months.
Okay, I'll get it.
But if it casts a
shadow, it's yours.
Uh, honey,
make it suffer.
Hi. I'm Larry, party of one.
[Clears throat]
Where... where's your...
Your brother Darryl and...
And your other brother Darryl?
I got them readin'
an Archie comic.
It's the one where
Archie has to choose
between Betty and Veronica,
so it's impossible to put down.
That ought to leave us
enough time to talk privately.
Uh, why?
Miss Stephanie, do you mind?
I'm about to say something
that may shock and revolt.
Well,
two things my parents sent
me to boarding school to avoid.
Main squeeze on
your heel, Steph.
La... uh, Larry, since this
is a... a... a family secret,
why don't you...
You just share it with...
With your brothers and...
And... and leave it,
you know, at that?
Well, they don't take
surprises very well.
They're still reelin' from
England goin' metric.
Ok... Okay, let me have it.
Well, I've discovered
a skeleton in our closet.
And it's not as
pleasant as it sounds.
Brace yourself.
Is, uh... is this okay?
The other night,
while I was up at...
Oops. Here they
come. Act casual.
Pretend we're
comparin' belly buttons.
Oh.
Hi, Darryl. Why are
you back so early?
Have you... have you finished
that comic book already?
Wait a minute.
I know.
You couldn't stand the suspense
so you skipped to
the back, didn't you?
Well, I killed that spider.
So that's what first
attracted you to her.
Come on, Darryl.
So which way did Archie
go? Blonde or brunette?
[Clears throat]
What was that about?
Belly buttons, skeletons,
the... You know, the usual.
I think I'll have a coffee
with two lumps, because...
[Music plays] [Clears throat]
That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
[Clears throat]
George, you, uh... you...
You wanna talk about this?
Uh, that's one of the selections
on my new sing-along machine.
The Portable Lounge Lizard?
Yeah. It has over 100 hit
songs you can choose from.
Everything from "Edelweiss"
to "Another One Bites the Dust."
Uh, talk... Talk
about your gamuts.
And it has professional
arrangements,
back-up singers, and even...
[Echoing]
- -an echo effect.
George, I never knew you were
so crazy about
singing and echoing.
GEORGE: I love it.
For years, I've been
afraid to sing aloud.
When I was 11, I tried out
for the junior high
school glee club.
After they heard me sing,
they made me a listener.
Now, at last,
the technology has come along
to make me sound like a pro.
[Music starts]
Whether I'm right
Or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a
place in this world
Or never belong
I gotta be me Go on home.
I gotta be me
Boy, George, I...
I bet that would...
That would sound
real good with...
With the acoustics, you
know, up... up in your room.
You think so, Dick?
Yes, George.
And the echo
effect will sound best
with the door closed,
because you'll have those
four solid walls
working for you.
Yeah.
I'm gonna try it
right now, 'cause...
[Clears throat] [Music plays]
That's the way, uh-huh,
uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
[Clears throat]
Wh... Why don't good
things ever happen to us?
[Gasps]
- Hi. I'm Larry...
- Larry!
What are you doing here?
My. Aren't we grouchy
in the morning?
Larry, we...
We wake up completely different
when you're not in our bed.
How'd you get in?
Window, ladder,
Batman-like climbing.
How long have you been here?
Since 4:00 a.m.
Strange. I always had you
pegged as stomach sleepers.
Uh, Larry, uh, two things:
tell us why you're
here and get, uh...
And get... get off the bed.
It has to do with
that family secret
that's been gnawin'
at my innards.
About a week ago,
I was up in the attic
cuttin' back the weeds,
and I came across this
old knick-knack drawer.
And inside, right
behind some knicks,
there was an old box.
I opened it up and discovered
these three documents.
What are they?
Three birth certificates.
Mine, Darryl's and Darryl's.
You know what this
proves? Brace yourself.
Like... like this, honey.
[Clears throat]
It proves we weren't born in
the same sequence I thought.
All these years I assumed
that I was the oldest brother.
I'm not.
Darryl is.
This could throw our
whole family out of kilter.
Larry, I'm... I'm afraid
that ship has sailed.
Larry, forget what
the documents say.
Are you sure you weren't first?
I mean, when you were
born, do you remember
having to share a pacifier?
All I seem to remember was...
the midwife delivered a heifer
and a Darryl at the same time.
And there was quite a
bit of nursing confusion.
I don't know how I'm going
to keep this secret from Darryl.
Well, why don't you just
tell your brothers the truth?
This could really affect the
way we deal with each other.
Why? You... you three could
be the same as you were.
If...
If that's what
you're shooting for.
Well, it sure would
take a load off my gut.
Okay. I'll go spill
the beans to Darryl.
I'll let you know
how it works out.
And, uh, Larry, um,
from now on, our...
Our bedroom is...
Is by invitation only.
Okay. I'll be waitin' for it.
And I'm his other
brother, Larry.
What... what... what
happened here?
I took your advice and
showed Darryl the certificates.
You see the results.
I've been coup'd.
But, Larry, you...
You've always been
the one in charge.
I... I'm sure Darryl
respects that.
You think so?
Well, maybe I have
been a bit premature to...
Oops.
Sorry.
We didn't mean to
shake up the family.
Might as well have
attached us to Elvis's hips.
Stupid, stupid weather!
What's wrong, Stephanie?
Well, we were walking
down to the drugstore
when a wind kicked up
and poor Steph got mussed.
And there were people.
I tried to get your sunglasses
on as fast as I could.
But not fast enough.
We're gonna
have to drill on that.
Miss Stephanie, normally I'd
sympathize with your near muss,
but I've got
upheavals of my own.
What's that, Larry?
Meet Darryl.
Tall, dark, and in charge.
Darryl found out
he's the oldest.
Along with all the
other responsibilities,
he'll be inheriting
my crush on you.
Michael, sunglasses!
Darryl, just because
power's turned your head
don't mean it's gonna turn
anybody else's. Let's go.
[Sighs]
Next time I'm in the womb,
I'm not gonna let
anybody cut in front of me.
[Door closing]
I'm a soul man, oh
Soul man
[Stops music]
Well, look who's here.
It's George.
And his machine.
Out of his room
and within earshot.
So, George, you, uh...
You brought down your,
uh, portable lounge lizard.
Yeah. Uh, I was rushing my
work to get back to my singing.
Then I realized I was
kind of neglecting my job
at the expense of fun.
Then it came to me.
Who are the hardest-working
people in the world, Dick?
Snow White's dwarves, right?
Ex... except for
the Japanese, yeah.
And why were they hard-working?
Because while they worked,
they sang, "Hi-ho, hi-ho."
No. No, George. They...
They sang, "Hi-ho,
hi-ho," on the way to work.
But... but once
they were at work,
it... it... it was
strictly whistling.
Yeah, but if they'd
had one of these,
you can bet they'd have been
singing their little lungs out.
[Echoing] An echo
effect. Doo doo.
Dick, you've gotta stop the man.
He's taking the beautiful
art of lounge singing
and making a farce out of it.
You... you... you can't
just go up to someone
and say, "You stink."
[Echoing] An echo effect.
Whammy!
I'll... I'll think of something.
Um, George, could...
could I... Could I talk to you
ab... about your singing?
[Echo effect] Sure, Dick.
George, it's... it's not
that we... we don't enjoy it,
it... it's just that
we don't think
the... the quaint, rustic
charm of New England is...
Is symbolized by... By
a handyman singing...
Singing Motown.
Gee, I guess you're right, Dick.
Uh, I guess this does
seem kind of inappropriate.
Good.
No problem, Dick.
Your worries are over.
[Music plays]
Pennies in a stream
Falling leaves a sycamore
Moonlight in Vermont
[Music ends]
Hope you enjoyed our
southern-fried chicken.
And I'm sorry
about the feathers.
[Drops a coin]
Left us a nickel. Fun money.
I knew it. There he goes,
bein' responsible again.
He's takin' our fun
money and wastin' it
on one of them
high-interest retirement funds.
He's gone.
Mop duel!
Okay, duel over.
Mop impressions!
Whoopi Goldberg.
Bearded Whoopi Goldberg.
Oh, Darryl, we were just takin'
a well-deserved zany break.
Hi... hi, guys.
How many are you?
It's just... just the one.
Smoking, non-smoking,
or undecided?
Non-smoking.
Fan on your face or not?
Look, uh, Larry,
I didn't come over here to dine.
You, uh, called me and
asked me to come over.
Well, you better
order somethin'.
The new Darryl don't
allow any loitering.
[Clears throat]
Oh. I forgot.
Darryl here'll take your order.
Do... [Clears throat]
Do... do you have anything
that's... that's pre-packaged?
I'll... I'll have... I'll have
the Salisbury steak.
We serve that two ways:
loose or in the pouch.
In the pouch.
That... that... that's a
plastic pouch, right?
How are... how...
How are things going?
The mantle of authority
ain't a snug fit on Darryl.
There's a whole new set
of rules we have to live by.
He won't let us
dry our underwear
on the grill anymore.
Or put our face
prints in the pudding.
And no more sleeve-snivelling.
The last rule seems to
particularly single Darryl out.
Well, you know... you know with
every new
administration, you know,
there are bound to
be a few changes.
Well, he's completely
destroyed our social life.
We'd come to visit
you more often,
but we're not allowed
to come over to the inn
as much as we used to.
Really?
Sometimes changes can be good.
He won't let us cut
loose like in the old days.
He's completely
cancelled our naked hour.
I know.
Joanna's kinda
cut back on me, too.
Have, uh... have you
tried to reason with him?
There's no use.
He's become a prima Darryl,
throwing his age around.
Nine months older, and
he thinks he knows it all.
That's why we want
you to talk to him.
Well, why... why
would he listen to me?
Well, he is closer
to your age now.
And I was gullible
enough to listen to ya.
Um... [Clears throat]
Da... uh, Darryl, could... could
I... could I talk to you for a minute?
Um, first... uh, first
of all, congrats on...
On getting older.
[Clears throat]
And, uh, w... with age
comes... Comes responsibility.
Um, I know you feel that,
uh, Larry and Darryl should...
Should work more diligently
and... and they shouldn't, uh,
dry their underwear
on the grill or, uh...
Or visit, uh... Visit
the inn so much.
Why... why am I
arguing against this?
But your, uh... your...
Your brothers are...
Are a little upset, so,
you know, I thought maybe
you might... might lighten up.
N... not about the inn.
You know, uh, maybe
let 'em have some fun.
Maybe, uh, you know,
give 'em a naked 10 minutes.
[Sighs] I tried, guys.
The man's a rock.
[Checks mike]
[Music plays]
That... that's the
way That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh I like it
That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh I like it...
[Turns music off]
Pretty addictive, huh, Dick?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Dick, can I tell you
something, as a friend?
Sure. Sure, George.
You really stink.
I... I was only... you know,
I was only fooling around.
I mean it.
Uh, your voice, your timing,
the way you held the mike.
I got queasy, Dick.
[Clears throat] George...
I know this is hard to
take, but as your friend,
I think the best
thing to do is to...
To come right out
and tell the truth.
I mean,
why should innocent
people have to suffer?
George...
But, Dick, you really
taught me something.
This machine is an
accident waiting to happen.
From now on, this baby
is gonna stay locked up
in my room.
G... George,
I... I was trying to demonstrate
that... that exact point.
Yeah, right, Dick.
[Flips light switch]
[Blowing bubbles in milk]
Darryl?
Oh, sure.
You weren't about to make
face prints in the pudding.
You were having
childlike fun, weren't ya?
Don't be pullin' that "past
your bedtime" stuff on us.
For all we know,
you could've been
sleeve-snivellin' too.
Darryl, you don't really
wanna be in charge, do you?
As the oldest brother,
you're torn between
your responsibility
as the head of the family
and your innate desire
to frolic your head off.
Not everyone's cut out
to be Sam the Sham.
Some of us is just
meant to be Pharaohs.
Fess up, Darryl.
You miss the shenanigans
as much as we do.
Then, why can't we just go
back to the way things was?
Damn.
I wish I'd never found
these birthin' papers.
What is it, Darryl?
Somethin' on the certificates?
That's peanut butter grease,
and no, you can't have it.
Wait a minute.
Now I see what's put
them burrs in your skivvies.
This is your birth certificate,
and this is Darryl's.
Darryl's not the oldest,
Darryl is.
How could I have
gotten them mixed up?
What is it, Darryl?
You've had enough, haven't you?
The burden of
leadership weighs heavy.
Are you relinquishing
your birthright
to take charge?
And askin' me to
take over again?
Sometimes you just have
to say okey-dokey to destiny.
Is that okay with you, Darryl?
I'll take that as a yes.
Okay, you can
lick his face, Darryl.
We're your typical
American family again.
Meow.
Is something wrong, Stephanie?
In the kitchen.
Something fuzzy. Moving.
Like... like a grizzly?
Only worse.
Smaller and spider-shaped.
So what you're saying is
there's a bug in the kitchen.
Kill it, Michael!
And make it suffer!
Uh, actually, Steph, spiders
have an awfully short life span.
If you leave it alone,
it'll die in a few months.
Okay, I'll get it.
But if it casts a
shadow, it's yours.
Uh, honey,
make it suffer.
Hi. I'm Larry, party of one.
[Clears throat]
Where... where's your...
Your brother Darryl and...
And your other brother Darryl?
I got them readin'
an Archie comic.
It's the one where
Archie has to choose
between Betty and Veronica,
so it's impossible to put down.
That ought to leave us
enough time to talk privately.
Uh, why?
Miss Stephanie, do you mind?
I'm about to say something
that may shock and revolt.
Well,
two things my parents sent
me to boarding school to avoid.
Main squeeze on
your heel, Steph.
La... uh, Larry, since this
is a... a... a family secret,
why don't you...
You just share it with...
With your brothers and...
And... and leave it,
you know, at that?
Well, they don't take
surprises very well.
They're still reelin' from
England goin' metric.
Ok... Okay, let me have it.
Well, I've discovered
a skeleton in our closet.
And it's not as
pleasant as it sounds.
Brace yourself.
Is, uh... is this okay?
The other night,
while I was up at...
Oops. Here they
come. Act casual.
Pretend we're
comparin' belly buttons.
Oh.
Hi, Darryl. Why are
you back so early?
Have you... have you finished
that comic book already?
Wait a minute.
I know.
You couldn't stand the suspense
so you skipped to
the back, didn't you?
Well, I killed that spider.
So that's what first
attracted you to her.
Come on, Darryl.
So which way did Archie
go? Blonde or brunette?
[Clears throat]
What was that about?
Belly buttons, skeletons,
the... You know, the usual.
I think I'll have a coffee
with two lumps, because...
[Music plays] [Clears throat]
That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
[Clears throat]
George, you, uh... you...
You wanna talk about this?
Uh, that's one of the selections
on my new sing-along machine.
The Portable Lounge Lizard?
Yeah. It has over 100 hit
songs you can choose from.
Everything from "Edelweiss"
to "Another One Bites the Dust."
Uh, talk... Talk
about your gamuts.
And it has professional
arrangements,
back-up singers, and even...
[Echoing]
- -an echo effect.
George, I never knew you were
so crazy about
singing and echoing.
GEORGE: I love it.
For years, I've been
afraid to sing aloud.
When I was 11, I tried out
for the junior high
school glee club.
After they heard me sing,
they made me a listener.
Now, at last,
the technology has come along
to make me sound like a pro.
[Music starts]
Whether I'm right
Or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a
place in this world
Or never belong
I gotta be me Go on home.
I gotta be me
Boy, George, I...
I bet that would...
That would sound
real good with...
With the acoustics, you
know, up... up in your room.
You think so, Dick?
Yes, George.
And the echo
effect will sound best
with the door closed,
because you'll have those
four solid walls
working for you.
Yeah.
I'm gonna try it
right now, 'cause...
[Clears throat] [Music plays]
That's the way, uh-huh,
uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh
[Clears throat]
Wh... Why don't good
things ever happen to us?
[Gasps]
- Hi. I'm Larry...
- Larry!
What are you doing here?
My. Aren't we grouchy
in the morning?
Larry, we...
We wake up completely different
when you're not in our bed.
How'd you get in?
Window, ladder,
Batman-like climbing.
How long have you been here?
Since 4:00 a.m.
Strange. I always had you
pegged as stomach sleepers.
Uh, Larry, uh, two things:
tell us why you're
here and get, uh...
And get... get off the bed.
It has to do with
that family secret
that's been gnawin'
at my innards.
About a week ago,
I was up in the attic
cuttin' back the weeds,
and I came across this
old knick-knack drawer.
And inside, right
behind some knicks,
there was an old box.
I opened it up and discovered
these three documents.
What are they?
Three birth certificates.
Mine, Darryl's and Darryl's.
You know what this
proves? Brace yourself.
Like... like this, honey.
[Clears throat]
It proves we weren't born in
the same sequence I thought.
All these years I assumed
that I was the oldest brother.
I'm not.
Darryl is.
This could throw our
whole family out of kilter.
Larry, I'm... I'm afraid
that ship has sailed.
Larry, forget what
the documents say.
Are you sure you weren't first?
I mean, when you were
born, do you remember
having to share a pacifier?
All I seem to remember was...
the midwife delivered a heifer
and a Darryl at the same time.
And there was quite a
bit of nursing confusion.
I don't know how I'm going
to keep this secret from Darryl.
Well, why don't you just
tell your brothers the truth?
This could really affect the
way we deal with each other.
Why? You... you three could
be the same as you were.
If...
If that's what
you're shooting for.
Well, it sure would
take a load off my gut.
Okay. I'll go spill
the beans to Darryl.
I'll let you know
how it works out.
And, uh, Larry, um,
from now on, our...
Our bedroom is...
Is by invitation only.
Okay. I'll be waitin' for it.
And I'm his other
brother, Larry.
What... what... what
happened here?
I took your advice and
showed Darryl the certificates.
You see the results.
I've been coup'd.
But, Larry, you...
You've always been
the one in charge.
I... I'm sure Darryl
respects that.
You think so?
Well, maybe I have
been a bit premature to...
Oops.
Sorry.
We didn't mean to
shake up the family.
Might as well have
attached us to Elvis's hips.
Stupid, stupid weather!
What's wrong, Stephanie?
Well, we were walking
down to the drugstore
when a wind kicked up
and poor Steph got mussed.
And there were people.
I tried to get your sunglasses
on as fast as I could.
But not fast enough.
We're gonna
have to drill on that.
Miss Stephanie, normally I'd
sympathize with your near muss,
but I've got
upheavals of my own.
What's that, Larry?
Meet Darryl.
Tall, dark, and in charge.
Darryl found out
he's the oldest.
Along with all the
other responsibilities,
he'll be inheriting
my crush on you.
Michael, sunglasses!
Darryl, just because
power's turned your head
don't mean it's gonna turn
anybody else's. Let's go.
[Sighs]
Next time I'm in the womb,
I'm not gonna let
anybody cut in front of me.
[Door closing]
I'm a soul man, oh
Soul man
[Stops music]
Well, look who's here.
It's George.
And his machine.
Out of his room
and within earshot.
So, George, you, uh...
You brought down your,
uh, portable lounge lizard.
Yeah. Uh, I was rushing my
work to get back to my singing.
Then I realized I was
kind of neglecting my job
at the expense of fun.
Then it came to me.
Who are the hardest-working
people in the world, Dick?
Snow White's dwarves, right?
Ex... except for
the Japanese, yeah.
And why were they hard-working?
Because while they worked,
they sang, "Hi-ho, hi-ho."
No. No, George. They...
They sang, "Hi-ho,
hi-ho," on the way to work.
But... but once
they were at work,
it... it... it was
strictly whistling.
Yeah, but if they'd
had one of these,
you can bet they'd have been
singing their little lungs out.
[Echoing] An echo
effect. Doo doo.
Dick, you've gotta stop the man.
He's taking the beautiful
art of lounge singing
and making a farce out of it.
You... you... you can't
just go up to someone
and say, "You stink."
[Echoing] An echo effect.
Whammy!
I'll... I'll think of something.
Um, George, could...
could I... Could I talk to you
ab... about your singing?
[Echo effect] Sure, Dick.
George, it's... it's not
that we... we don't enjoy it,
it... it's just that
we don't think
the... the quaint, rustic
charm of New England is...
Is symbolized by... By
a handyman singing...
Singing Motown.
Gee, I guess you're right, Dick.
Uh, I guess this does
seem kind of inappropriate.
Good.
No problem, Dick.
Your worries are over.
[Music plays]
Pennies in a stream
Falling leaves a sycamore
Moonlight in Vermont
[Music ends]
Hope you enjoyed our
southern-fried chicken.
And I'm sorry
about the feathers.
[Drops a coin]
Left us a nickel. Fun money.
I knew it. There he goes,
bein' responsible again.
He's takin' our fun
money and wastin' it
on one of them
high-interest retirement funds.
He's gone.
Mop duel!
Okay, duel over.
Mop impressions!
Whoopi Goldberg.
Bearded Whoopi Goldberg.
Oh, Darryl, we were just takin'
a well-deserved zany break.
Hi... hi, guys.
How many are you?
It's just... just the one.
Smoking, non-smoking,
or undecided?
Non-smoking.
Fan on your face or not?
Look, uh, Larry,
I didn't come over here to dine.
You, uh, called me and
asked me to come over.
Well, you better
order somethin'.
The new Darryl don't
allow any loitering.
[Clears throat]
Oh. I forgot.
Darryl here'll take your order.
Do... [Clears throat]
Do... do you have anything
that's... that's pre-packaged?
I'll... I'll have... I'll have
the Salisbury steak.
We serve that two ways:
loose or in the pouch.
In the pouch.
That... that... that's a
plastic pouch, right?
How are... how...
How are things going?
The mantle of authority
ain't a snug fit on Darryl.
There's a whole new set
of rules we have to live by.
He won't let us
dry our underwear
on the grill anymore.
Or put our face
prints in the pudding.
And no more sleeve-snivelling.
The last rule seems to
particularly single Darryl out.
Well, you know... you know with
every new
administration, you know,
there are bound to
be a few changes.
Well, he's completely
destroyed our social life.
We'd come to visit
you more often,
but we're not allowed
to come over to the inn
as much as we used to.
Really?
Sometimes changes can be good.
He won't let us cut
loose like in the old days.
He's completely
cancelled our naked hour.
I know.
Joanna's kinda
cut back on me, too.
Have, uh... have you
tried to reason with him?
There's no use.
He's become a prima Darryl,
throwing his age around.
Nine months older, and
he thinks he knows it all.
That's why we want
you to talk to him.
Well, why... why
would he listen to me?
Well, he is closer
to your age now.
And I was gullible
enough to listen to ya.
Um... [Clears throat]
Da... uh, Darryl, could... could
I... could I talk to you for a minute?
Um, first... uh, first
of all, congrats on...
On getting older.
[Clears throat]
And, uh, w... with age
comes... Comes responsibility.
Um, I know you feel that,
uh, Larry and Darryl should...
Should work more diligently
and... and they shouldn't, uh,
dry their underwear
on the grill or, uh...
Or visit, uh... Visit
the inn so much.
Why... why am I
arguing against this?
But your, uh... your...
Your brothers are...
Are a little upset, so,
you know, I thought maybe
you might... might lighten up.
N... not about the inn.
You know, uh, maybe
let 'em have some fun.
Maybe, uh, you know,
give 'em a naked 10 minutes.
[Sighs] I tried, guys.
The man's a rock.
[Checks mike]
[Music plays]
That... that's the
way That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh I like it
That's the way
Uh-huh, uh-huh I like it...
[Turns music off]
Pretty addictive, huh, Dick?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Dick, can I tell you
something, as a friend?
Sure. Sure, George.
You really stink.
I... I was only... you know,
I was only fooling around.
I mean it.
Uh, your voice, your timing,
the way you held the mike.
I got queasy, Dick.
[Clears throat] George...
I know this is hard to
take, but as your friend,
I think the best
thing to do is to...
To come right out
and tell the truth.
I mean,
why should innocent
people have to suffer?
George...
But, Dick, you really
taught me something.
This machine is an
accident waiting to happen.
From now on, this baby
is gonna stay locked up
in my room.
G... George,
I... I was trying to demonstrate
that... that exact point.
Yeah, right, Dick.
[Flips light switch]
[Blowing bubbles in milk]
Darryl?
Oh, sure.
You weren't about to make
face prints in the pudding.
You were having
childlike fun, weren't ya?
Don't be pullin' that "past
your bedtime" stuff on us.
For all we know,
you could've been
sleeve-snivellin' too.
Darryl, you don't really
wanna be in charge, do you?
As the oldest brother,
you're torn between
your responsibility
as the head of the family
and your innate desire
to frolic your head off.
Not everyone's cut out
to be Sam the Sham.
Some of us is just
meant to be Pharaohs.
Fess up, Darryl.
You miss the shenanigans
as much as we do.
Then, why can't we just go
back to the way things was?
Damn.
I wish I'd never found
these birthin' papers.
What is it, Darryl?
Somethin' on the certificates?
That's peanut butter grease,
and no, you can't have it.
Wait a minute.
Now I see what's put
them burrs in your skivvies.
This is your birth certificate,
and this is Darryl's.
Darryl's not the oldest,
Darryl is.
How could I have
gotten them mixed up?
What is it, Darryl?
You've had enough, haven't you?
The burden of
leadership weighs heavy.
Are you relinquishing
your birthright
to take charge?
And askin' me to
take over again?
Sometimes you just have
to say okey-dokey to destiny.
Is that okay with you, Darryl?
I'll take that as a yes.
Okay, you can
lick his face, Darryl.
We're your typical
American family again.
Meow.