Newhart (1982–1990): Season 4, Episode 7 - The Geezers in the Band - full transcript
Dick was a member of a band in college and he plans a reunion with his other band members at the Inn. Everyones is now older, taking pills for all sorts of ailments due to getting older, but they try to preform anyway.
(theme music playing)
- THAT'S IT.
THEY'RE ALL COMING.
(playing drums on the dishes)
- I'M SORRY. HE'S JUST EXCITED
BECAUSE HE'S HAVING A REUNION
WITH HIS COLLEGE JAZZ BAND.
- ALL FOUR JAZZTONES
WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN
AFTER 25 YEARS.
(playing drums on the dishes)
- APPARENTLY,
HE'S STILL EXCITED.
DICK, WILL THIS REUNION BE
A BUNCH OF GROWN MEN
CARRYING ON LIKE COLLEGE KIDS?
- IF WE'RE LUCKY.
I KNOW, SOME OF
THE WILDEST TIMES
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE
WERE WITH THE JAZZTONES.
ONE TIME, SHEIK AND I...
- SHEIK?
- YEAH. HE WAS A
REAL LADY KILLER.
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE PLAYED HIS
SAX AND DID HIS PELVIC THRUST,
WELL, HONEY, JUST REMEMBER
THAT YOU'RE MARRIED, OKAY?
- ANYWAY, ONE TIME,
SHEIK AND I TOOK HOG...
Joanna: HOLD IT.
SOMEONE ACTUALLY
LET YOU CALL HIM HOG?
- WELL, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU
GONNA CALL A GUY WHO, ON A BET,
SCARFED DOWN FIVE
PIZZAS, A RACK OF RIBS,
TWO DOZEN DOUGHNUTS
AND A BICYCLE SEAT?
- WHAT DID SHEIK
AND HOG CALL YOU?
- SLATS.
- THERE MUST BE A
ZANY STORY BEHIND THAT.
- WELL, I ALWAYS WANTED
A NICKNAME AND WE,
YOU KNOW, WE JUST
MADE THAT ONE UP.
BUT I MEAN, IF YOU
WANT TO TALK CRAZY,
OUR PIANO PLAYER WAS THE
UNDISPUTED KING OF THE LOONS.
I MEAN, HE WAS A
NATURAL LEADER OF MEN.
HE COULD GET A FOOD FIGHT
STARTED AT THE VATICAN.
- I ALMOST DON'T WANT TO
KNOW WHAT YOU CALLED HIM.
- PHIL.
BUT HE WAS BEYOND NICKNAMES.
WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE HIS ENTRANCE.
HE MAY COME IN
SWINGING ON A ROPE,
HE MAY COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY.
YOU MAY FIND HIM BUCK
NAKED IN OUR SHOWER.
- DICK, ARE YOU STILL
CLOSING THE INN NEXT WEEKEND
BECAUSE YOUR ANNOYING
FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE ARE COMING?
- UH, YEAH.
- THEN I'M GOING TO GO TO
BOSTON TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO
WAIT ON DICK'S FRIENDS.
- OH, POO.
- HI, ALL,
WITH AN EXTRA KISS, KISS
TO ONE IN PARTICULAR.
- PLEASE LET IT BE ME.
- I WAS REFERRING
TO MY WONDER WENCH.
- SAVE IT, MICHAEL. WE
CAN'T GO TO BOSTON
AND I'M ABOUT AS
DEPRESSED AS I GET.
- WOULD A FANCY LUNCH AND
AN AFTERNOON OF COMPLIMENTS
CHEER YOU UP?
- YES.
- BOY, DO WE KNOW HOW
TO COPE WITH CRISES?
AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER,
YOU'LL NEVER CATCH US
THROWING AWAY MONEY ON ANALYSIS.
- YEAH, YOU'RE THE MENTAL
HEALTH POSTER KIDS.
- OH, DICK, UH, ONE
THING BEFORE YOU GO.
I'M HAVING A SLIGHT
NEGATIVE CASH FLOW PROBLEM.
COULD YOU SEE YOURSELF
CLEAR TO MAKE ME LIQUID AGAIN?
- SURE, GO IN THE KITCHEN
AND HOP IN THE BLENDER.
(laughing)
- NEED I EXPLAIN? I MEANT CASH.
- MICHAEL, I DON'T
WANT TO LET MONEY
MESS UP THIS GREAT
RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE.
KISS, KISS.
- GEORGE.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- GEORGE.
YOU AND I ARE CLOSE
FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
- NO.
I LIKE YOU BUT,
WE REALLY DON'T SPEND
ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER
TO BE CONSIDERED CLOSE.
- YEAH. WELL, BUT WE HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP, YOU AND I.
- NOT REALLY.
WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE TOGETHER.
WE DON'T HAVE A
SINGLE THING IN COMMON.
- RIGHT.
AND YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO
LEND ME $500 UNTIL NEXT WEEK?
- SURE.
- YOU WILL?
- WHY NOT? I TRUST YOU.
- GEORGE, I THINK YOU AND I
ARE GOING TO BE GREAT FRIENDS.
- YOU MEAN, WE'LL
HAVE LONG TALKS
AND GO PLACES TOGETHER?
- WELL, LET'S NOT
O.D. ON EACH OTHER.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- HI, GEORGE.
STEPH, YOUR BEAU IS HERE.
- UH, MICHAEL, UH,
IT'S BEEN A WEEK
SINCE I LENT YOU THAT MONEY.
- HAS IT?
BOY, THIS WHOLE
SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM THING
IS A MIRACLE TO ME.
LISTEN, I WOULD
HAVE HAD IT FOR YOU
BUT I GOT HIT WITH THIS
KILLER RACQUET CLUB BILL.
- OH, OKAY. WELL,
WHENEVER YOU HAVE IT.
- YOU EVER NEED
ANYTHING, JUST NAME IT.
- WOULD YOU HELP ME MOVE
THE PIANO AGAINST THE WALL?
- HEY, THAT'S THE
LEAST I CAN DO.
- I'M HERE.
- I'M READY.
- OH, HOLD ON, GEORGE, I'LL
GIVE YOU A HAND WITH THAT.
- ARE YOU SURE, DICK?
I'VE BEEN BURNED BEFORE.
- OH, EXCUSE ME, MAYBE YOU
DIDN'T SEE THE SIGN OUTSIDE.
WE'RE CLOSED THIS WEEKEND.
Together: SLATS.
- HOG, SHEIK?
- UH, SHEIK, HOG.
(laughing)
- DIDN'T YOU RECOGNIZE US?
- OH, SURE, SURE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS
JUST FOOLING AROUND.
(laughing)
- SAME OLD SLATS.
- YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
- WELL, YOU HAVEN'T EITHER.
- SLATS, I'VE LOST 120 POUNDS.
- EXCEPT FOR THAT.
- AND I'VE STARTED TO GET
A LITTLE BALD SPOT ON TOP.
- REALLY?
- IS PHIL HERE YET?
- UH, NO.
- OH, GREAT.
WE GOT HERE ON TIME
FOR HIS ENTRANCE.
- HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SHOWER?
(laughing)
- HA, HA, HA.
HA, HA, HA.
- OH, THIS...
THIS IS MY FRIEND AND
HANDYMAN, GEORGE.
GEORGE, THIS IS
AL "SHEIK" FRASER
AND THIS IS WALTER
"HOG" AMBROSE.
- OH, I HEARD SO
MUCH ABOUT YOU GUYS.
DICK SAID WHEN
YOU WERE TOGETHER,
A MINUTE NEVER WENT BY WITHOUT
SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENING.
- WELL, I GUESS WE'D BETTER
GET THE REST OF OUR LUGGAGE.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
SO FAR, THEY'VE
BEEN A LETDOWN, DICK.
- HI.
- OH, THIS IS MY WIFE, JOANNA.
HERE THEY ARE, SHEIK AND HOG.
- NICE TRY, DICK.
HI, HOG.
HI, SHEIK.
DICK TOLD ME YOU GUYS ARE
ALWAYS FOOLING AROUND LIKE THIS.
- NO, REALLY, I'M SHEIK.
HE'S HOG.
- OH, STOP.
- HONEY, WE'RE...
WE'RE NOT KIDDING.
- OH. SORRY.
- WELL, HAVE I GOT A
WEEKEND PLANNED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FIRST?
EAT, DRINK OR SWING
FROM THE RAFTERS?
- I'D LIKE TO TAKE A NAP.
- OOH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
(laughing)
- YOU'RE SERIOUS?
WELL, SURE, SURE, YOU
HAVE TO GET SOME REST,
BUT BE DOWN HERE FOR DINNER
BECAUSE WE'RE COOKING
UP A REAL GUT BUSTER.
- OH, YEAH, WELL,
THAT REMINDS ME.
HERE IS A LIST OF MY
DIETARY REQUIREMENTS.
I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING
THAT'S DIFFICULT TO DIGEST.
- I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOMS.
- WELL, I HOPE THERE'S
A PHONE IN MINE.
I GOT TO CALL MY WIFE.
- OH, TELL ME ABOUT THE MISSUS.
SHE MUST BE SOME KNOCKOUT
TO HAVE CORRALLED THE SHEIK.
- OH, NOT NOW, SLATS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
CALL HER 10 MINUTES AGO.
I GOTTA HURRY BEFORE
THE GRACE PERIOD ENDS.
- MY, ARE THEY A...
ARE THEY A COUPLE OF
CRAZY NUT BUCKETS OR WHAT?
(laughing)
- MICHAEL, BE CAREFUL.
- HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU WITH THAT.
- OH, UH.
- WHAT'S IN HERE, ANYWAY?
- IT'S A BRAND NEW COLOR TV
WITH REMOTE CONTROL
AND STEREO SOUND.
MICHAEL BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
- OH. OH, HE DID.
WELL, GEE, IT MUST BE YOUR
BIRTHDAY OR SOMETHING.
- NO, HE BOUGHT IT FOR
MY FAVORITE REASON,
BECAUSE I SAW IT
AND WENT "OOOH."
GEORGE, WILL YOU HOOK IT
UP TO THE ANTENNA FOR ME?
- SWEET KNEES, LET'S NOT
IMPOSE ON GEORGE NOW.
HE CAN HOOK IT UP TOMORROW.
- ISN'T HE CONSIDERATE?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GEORGE?
- UP TO MY ROOM,
TO WATCH MY OLD FUZZY
BLACK AND WHITE MONO TV
WITH NO REMOTE CONTROL.
- KIND OF A CYNICAL
OLD GUY, ISN'T HE?
- WELL, SLATS, THAT
WAS A TERRIFIC MEAL.
- YEAH, MY SPECIAL DIET SURE
DIDN'T CRAMP JOANNA'S COOKING.
- YEAH, JOANNA
COULD ALWAYS MAKE UP
A MEAN PLATTER OF
RICE AND STRAINED PEARS.
- IT'S TOO BAD IT'S
NOT SITTING TOO WELL.
I THINK I OVERDID
IT ON THE MILK.
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA
SAY SOMETHING.
REMEMBER THE TIME THAT
PHIL RODE THE SWIVEL CHAIR...
- WHAT ARE THOSE THERE?
- ANTRAPONE, STOMACH RELAXER.
- DID YOU EVER TRY DIAZEDINE?
I USE IT FOR MY BACK SPASMS.
- SURE, I ALWAYS CARRY SOME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOOD?
- GUYS, WHY DON'T WE
JUST SET OUT A BUFFET?
C'MON, GUYS,
WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR FUN THESE DAYS?
(laughing)
- YOU KNOW,
I'VE GOTTEN INTO
SOMETHING A LITTLE CRAZY.
- YEAH?
- MODEL RAILROADING.
YOU HAVE THESE LITTLE
BUILDINGS AND TREES,
EVEN TINY PEOPLE, AND
IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL,
THAT TRAIN CAN GO
FLYING OFF THAT TRACK
AND DOING A WHOLE
MESS OF DAMAGE.
- THAT'S A... THAT'S A
BIG RESPONSIBILITY.
- WELL, I TRIED A
BUNCH OF HOME HOBBIES
AND THEN I FELT I
NEEDED SOMETHING MORE.
SOMETHING TO GET ME OUT OF
THE HOUSE AND INTO THE WORLD.
- ALRIGHT, SHEIK.
- SO I JOINED A GARDENING CLUB.
- OH, THIS WAS FUN.
WELL, THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN TOP THIS
IS TO PLAY SOME MUSIC.
- BUT PHIL'S NOT HERE YET.
- YEAH, BUT HE WILL BE
AND IF HE WALKS
THROUGH THAT DOOR NAKED,
HE'S GONNA WANT
SOMETHING TO DANCE TO.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A GO.
(drums)
- OH, GOOD.
I CAN'T WAIT TO
HEAR YOU GUYS PLAY.
DICK WAS ALWAYS TELLING
ME HOW GREAT THE BAND WAS.
(jazz music, out of tune)
- MY BACK! Joanna: OH, DEAR.
- SHEIK!
- OH, HERE.
- FIRST MY STOMACH,
NOW SHEIK'S BACK.
THIS CRAZY WEEKEND OF
YOURS IS GONNA KILL US.
- I'LL BE OKAY.
- OH, OKAY, THAT'S IT,
I'M GONNA FIND OUT
WHAT'S KEEPING PHIL.
IT'S STILL EARLY ON THE COAST.
MAYBE HIS OFFICE
KNOWS WHERE HE IS.
Sheik: I'LL BE OKAY.
SOMEBODY PLEASE
REACH IN MY POCKET
AND GIVE ME TWO
BLUES AND ONE YELLOW.
- HELLO, I'M CALLING
ABOUT PHIL BRADLEY.
WE'RE HAVING A
REUNION IN VERMONT
AND COULD YOU TELL
HIM TO HURRY ON DOWN?
WE NEED A MASSIVE
INJECTION OF SILLY.
- I SEE.
UH, WHEN?
THANK YOU.
- WELL? WHEN'S HE
GONNA GET HERE?
- OH, IT COULD BE A WHILE.
PHIL DIED THREE WEEKS AGO.
- AH, HERE YOU ARE.
YOU STILL CAN'T SLEEP?
- NO.
- WELL, HONEY, LOSING
A FRIEND IS TOUGH.
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S NOT
ALL THAT'S BOTHERING ME.
- WHAT ELSE?
- YOU KNOW, EVEN
THOUGH PHIL'S DEAD,
I MEAN, HE'S STILL THE LIVELIEST
MEMBER OF THE JAZZTONES.
- DICK, DON'T SAY THAT.
- JOANNA, PEOPLE I
REMEMBER AS TOTAL WILD MEN
HAVE GOTTEN BALD, HENPECKED
AND THINK GARDENING
IS LIVING ON THE EDGE.
- WELL, DICK,
EVERYBODY GETS OLDER.
I'M BETTER AT THIS WIDE AWAKE.
- JOANNA, FACE IT, MY
GLORY DAYS ARE BEHIND ME.
I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO
CLIMB STAIRS TWO AT A TIME.
NOW IT'S ONE BY ONE.
SOON I'LL NEED ONE
OF THOSE LITTLE CHAIRS
THAT RIDE UP THE BANISTER.
- HONEY, YOU'RE FORGETTING
THE POSITIVE THINGS
ABOUT GETTING OLDER.
YOU HAVE SECURITY,
ACCOMPLISHMENTS,
WISDOM, A FAIRLY NICE
WARDROBE, DRUMS.
MAYBE I'D BETTER GO BACK TO BED.
(yawning)
- WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, SLATS?
- YEAH, GETTING UP BEFORE
EIGHT SCREWS UP MY REGULARITY.
- JUST BECAUSE PHIL IS GONE,
DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ALL
OVER FOR THE JAZZTONES.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA
MAKE US PLAY AGAIN?
- NO, BUT WE HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING.
- WHAT?
- ANYTHING.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO DO SOMETHING
THAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU DID IN THE OLD DAYS,
SOMETHING WILD AND INSANE?
- WELL, WOULD OUR
INSURANCE COVER IT?
- YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
LISTEN, IF YOU
DON'T DO IT FOR ME,
DO IT FOR PHIL,
IN HONOR OF WHAT HE MEANT TO US.
- WELL, WHAT KIND OF
THING DO YOU WANT TO DO?
- ANYTHING.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS DECIDE.
AS LONG AS IT'S
WILD AND EXCITING.
- LET'S GO BOWLING!
- I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE MORE
OF AN ELEMENT OF RISK.
- LET'S EAT MEXICAN.
- I DON'T THINK YOU GOT
THE RIGHT SPIRIT YET.
THINK DANGER, RISK.
- WATER-SKIING.
- KEEPING IN MIND WE'RE
IN VERMONT IN WINTER.
- SLEDDING.
- WAIT, BETTER YET, TOBOGGANING.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, IT'S PERFECT. IT'S
EXHILARATING. IT'S EXCITING
AND THERE'S A PLACE JUST
A FEW MILES FROM HERE.
- YA KNOW, I FEEL
NUTTIER ALREADY.
- ME TOO.
- THE JAZZTONES
ARE BACK IN ACTION.
- YEAH.
- I'LL BRING PLENTY OF ANTACID
IN CASE WE STOP FOR FOOD.
- AND I'LL CALL MY WIFE
AND ASK PERMISSION.
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- YEAH. YEAH, WE WANT TO...
(clearing throat) WE
WANT TO TAKE A RUN.
- YOU GUYS LOOK KIND OF
OLD FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
- HEY, WE'RE THE JAZZTONES.
- JAZZTONES? MEET
THE WIDOWMAKER.
- WILL YOU PUT THOSE AWAY?
- OKAY, YOU START RIGHT
HERE ON WHIPLASH WAY,
THEN YOU HIT PARALYZER POINT,
SHOOT INTO THE SLING SHOT,
AND THEN SLIP UNDER
GUILLOTINE BRIDGE.
IT'D HELP IF YOU DUCK THERE.
- THAT SOUNDS GOOD, FOR A START.
- YOU ARE THE JAZZTONE.
OKAY, WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE?
LIGHTNING, ROCKET OR POKEY?
- LIGHTNING.
- SLATS, POKEY
SOUNDS KINDA CUTE.
- AH, NOT REALLY.
IT GOT ITS NAME WHEN SOMEONE
TOOK A BRANCH IN THE EYE.
- LIGHTNING IT IS.
- SLATS, THIS IS DANGEROUS.
- THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU DO
THIS IF IT WERE DANGEROUS.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
SIGN THIS WAIVER.
(reading) "WE FULLY
RELEASE THE MANAGEMENT
FROM ALL LIABILITY FOR ANY
DEATH OR INJURY INCLUDING,
BUT NOT LIMITED TO
THE LOSS OF LIMBS
AND/OR HEAD."
- YEAH, WE HAD TO
ADD THAT LAST ONE.
- DICK, OUR HEADS!
- ALRIGHT, SO THERE'S
AN ELEMENT OF RISK,
BUT THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
TO DO SOMETHING DARING.
SOMETHING THAT LETS
US KNOW WE'RE ALIVE.
- AND DYING'S GONNA DO THAT?
- MY WIFE MARRIED
ME FOR MY LOOKS.
SHE'LL KILL ME IF WHAT'S
LEFT WINDS UP ON A TREE.
- LISTEN, GUYS, IF
YOU CHICKEN OUT NOW,
YOU'LL HAVE TO
ADMIT TO YOURSELVES
THAT YOU'RE OLD AND OLD IS LESS.
- WE COULD ADMIT THAT.
- OLD IS LESS.
OKAY. CAN WE GO NOW?
- GUYS,
FOR PHIL?
- FOR PHIL.
- FOR PHIL.
- WHAT ARE WE?
Together: - THE JAZZTONES!
- AHH!
- HI, MICHAEL.
- GEORGE.
IF I HAD ANY IDEA I WAS
GONNA BUMP INTO YOU HERE,
I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT
THE MONEY I OWE YOU.
- AH, THAT'S OKAY.
IT'LL KEEP.
- THANKS.
BOY, IF YOU EVER OPEN A BANK,
YOU CAN COUNT ON A LOT OF
LOAN BUSINESS FROM THIS GUY.
HA, HA.
MY CAR'S GONE!
- YOU'RE KIDDING?
WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?
- YOU KNOW MY CAR, GEORGE,
IT'S A RED
MINT-CONDITION TURBO Z.
- DID IT HAVE A
DISTINCTIVE PINE SCENT?
- MY ODOR SNUFFER.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
- SAME PLACE I GOT THIS.
- MY CUSTOM SPOKED
HUBCAP WITH CURB CUTTERS.
YOU TOOK THE PINE TREE
AND HUBCAPS OFF MY CAR?
- AMONG OTHER THINGS.
- OH, NO.
ONE OF THOSE... THINGS
FROM THE ENGINE.
GEORGE, I WANT THOSE
BACK AND I WANT THEM NOW.
- WELL, THEY ARE
YOURS, MICHAEL...
FOR $500.
- YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY $500
FOR A DEODOR AND A HUBCAP
AND A SMUDGY BLACK THING?
- WELL, MAYBE NOT.
BUT WHAT IF I THREW
IN ONE OF THESE?
- FORGET IT.
I DON'T NEED ANY
OF THOSE THINGS.
NOW WHERE'S THE REST OF MY CAR?
- IN THE GARAGE.
OF COURSE, IF YOU
DRIVE WITHOUT A DOOR,
YOU COULD FREEZE TO DEATH.
BUT THEN YOU'D WARM UP AS
SOON AS THE ENGINE EXPLODES.
- I'LL WRITE YOU A CHECK.
- FINE.
WE'LL GO TO THE
BANK AND CASH IT.
WE BETTER TAKE MY CAR.
- WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, GEORGE,
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I EVER
BORROW MONEY FROM YOU.
- I KNOW.
- JOANNA!
JOANNA!
(playing drums)
- DICK, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN ALL DAY?
- CAREENING WILDLY DOWN A
TREACHEROUS MOUNTAIN SLOPE
IN A RUNAWAY TOBOGGAN.
- YOU DID A DANGEROUS THING
LIKE THAT WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST?
- DAMN RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU MARRY A JAZZTONE.
- WHAT A RIDE! PHEW!
THAT WAS THE GREATEST
20 FEET OF MY LIFE.
- YOU ONLY WENT 20 FEET?
- CAREENING WILDLY.
WE WERE THROWN OFF THE
COURSE AT THE FIRST CURVE
AND WE CRASHED HEADLONG
INTO THIS... SNOW BANK.
- YEAH, IT WAS LIKE RUNNING
RIGHT INTO A BIG COMFORTER.
- YEAH, ONLY WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT
UNTIL WE CAREENED
WILDLY INTO IT.
YEAH, IT WAS SCARY.
- YEAH, BUT
EXCITING. HA, HA, HA.
OOH, LOOK AT THIS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL
MY WIFE 27 MINUTES AGO.
LET HER WAIT.
- ALL RIGHT, SHEIK!
- UH, COULD SOMEONE
HELP ME TO THE COUCH.
I DON'T THINK I CAN WALK IT.
- OH MY GOD, WHILE YOU
GUYS HAVE BEEN CELEBRATING,
THIS MAN IS OBVIOUSLY HURT.
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
THIS HAD NOTHING TO
DO WITH THE TOBOGGAN.
- NO, AFTERWARDS,
WE DID SOMETHING
THAT TOOK EVEN MORE GUTS.
- WE ATE MEXICAN.
- WHAT ARE WE?
- THE JAZZTONES!
(theme music playing)
Man's voice: MEOW!
- THAT'S IT.
THEY'RE ALL COMING.
(playing drums on the dishes)
- I'M SORRY. HE'S JUST EXCITED
BECAUSE HE'S HAVING A REUNION
WITH HIS COLLEGE JAZZ BAND.
- ALL FOUR JAZZTONES
WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN
AFTER 25 YEARS.
(playing drums on the dishes)
- APPARENTLY,
HE'S STILL EXCITED.
DICK, WILL THIS REUNION BE
A BUNCH OF GROWN MEN
CARRYING ON LIKE COLLEGE KIDS?
- IF WE'RE LUCKY.
I KNOW, SOME OF
THE WILDEST TIMES
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE
WERE WITH THE JAZZTONES.
ONE TIME, SHEIK AND I...
- SHEIK?
- YEAH. HE WAS A
REAL LADY KILLER.
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE PLAYED HIS
SAX AND DID HIS PELVIC THRUST,
WELL, HONEY, JUST REMEMBER
THAT YOU'RE MARRIED, OKAY?
- ANYWAY, ONE TIME,
SHEIK AND I TOOK HOG...
Joanna: HOLD IT.
SOMEONE ACTUALLY
LET YOU CALL HIM HOG?
- WELL, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU
GONNA CALL A GUY WHO, ON A BET,
SCARFED DOWN FIVE
PIZZAS, A RACK OF RIBS,
TWO DOZEN DOUGHNUTS
AND A BICYCLE SEAT?
- WHAT DID SHEIK
AND HOG CALL YOU?
- SLATS.
- THERE MUST BE A
ZANY STORY BEHIND THAT.
- WELL, I ALWAYS WANTED
A NICKNAME AND WE,
YOU KNOW, WE JUST
MADE THAT ONE UP.
BUT I MEAN, IF YOU
WANT TO TALK CRAZY,
OUR PIANO PLAYER WAS THE
UNDISPUTED KING OF THE LOONS.
I MEAN, HE WAS A
NATURAL LEADER OF MEN.
HE COULD GET A FOOD FIGHT
STARTED AT THE VATICAN.
- I ALMOST DON'T WANT TO
KNOW WHAT YOU CALLED HIM.
- PHIL.
BUT HE WAS BEYOND NICKNAMES.
WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE HIS ENTRANCE.
HE MAY COME IN
SWINGING ON A ROPE,
HE MAY COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY.
YOU MAY FIND HIM BUCK
NAKED IN OUR SHOWER.
- DICK, ARE YOU STILL
CLOSING THE INN NEXT WEEKEND
BECAUSE YOUR ANNOYING
FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE ARE COMING?
- UH, YEAH.
- THEN I'M GOING TO GO TO
BOSTON TO GET AWAY FROM THEM.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO
WAIT ON DICK'S FRIENDS.
- OH, POO.
- HI, ALL,
WITH AN EXTRA KISS, KISS
TO ONE IN PARTICULAR.
- PLEASE LET IT BE ME.
- I WAS REFERRING
TO MY WONDER WENCH.
- SAVE IT, MICHAEL. WE
CAN'T GO TO BOSTON
AND I'M ABOUT AS
DEPRESSED AS I GET.
- WOULD A FANCY LUNCH AND
AN AFTERNOON OF COMPLIMENTS
CHEER YOU UP?
- YES.
- BOY, DO WE KNOW HOW
TO COPE WITH CRISES?
AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER,
YOU'LL NEVER CATCH US
THROWING AWAY MONEY ON ANALYSIS.
- YEAH, YOU'RE THE MENTAL
HEALTH POSTER KIDS.
- OH, DICK, UH, ONE
THING BEFORE YOU GO.
I'M HAVING A SLIGHT
NEGATIVE CASH FLOW PROBLEM.
COULD YOU SEE YOURSELF
CLEAR TO MAKE ME LIQUID AGAIN?
- SURE, GO IN THE KITCHEN
AND HOP IN THE BLENDER.
(laughing)
- NEED I EXPLAIN? I MEANT CASH.
- MICHAEL, I DON'T
WANT TO LET MONEY
MESS UP THIS GREAT
RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE.
KISS, KISS.
- GEORGE.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- GEORGE.
YOU AND I ARE CLOSE
FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
- NO.
I LIKE YOU BUT,
WE REALLY DON'T SPEND
ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER
TO BE CONSIDERED CLOSE.
- YEAH. WELL, BUT WE HAVE
A RELATIONSHIP, YOU AND I.
- NOT REALLY.
WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE TOGETHER.
WE DON'T HAVE A
SINGLE THING IN COMMON.
- RIGHT.
AND YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO
LEND ME $500 UNTIL NEXT WEEK?
- SURE.
- YOU WILL?
- WHY NOT? I TRUST YOU.
- GEORGE, I THINK YOU AND I
ARE GOING TO BE GREAT FRIENDS.
- YOU MEAN, WE'LL
HAVE LONG TALKS
AND GO PLACES TOGETHER?
- WELL, LET'S NOT
O.D. ON EACH OTHER.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- HI, GEORGE.
STEPH, YOUR BEAU IS HERE.
- UH, MICHAEL, UH,
IT'S BEEN A WEEK
SINCE I LENT YOU THAT MONEY.
- HAS IT?
BOY, THIS WHOLE
SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM THING
IS A MIRACLE TO ME.
LISTEN, I WOULD
HAVE HAD IT FOR YOU
BUT I GOT HIT WITH THIS
KILLER RACQUET CLUB BILL.
- OH, OKAY. WELL,
WHENEVER YOU HAVE IT.
- YOU EVER NEED
ANYTHING, JUST NAME IT.
- WOULD YOU HELP ME MOVE
THE PIANO AGAINST THE WALL?
- HEY, THAT'S THE
LEAST I CAN DO.
- I'M HERE.
- I'M READY.
- OH, HOLD ON, GEORGE, I'LL
GIVE YOU A HAND WITH THAT.
- ARE YOU SURE, DICK?
I'VE BEEN BURNED BEFORE.
- OH, EXCUSE ME, MAYBE YOU
DIDN'T SEE THE SIGN OUTSIDE.
WE'RE CLOSED THIS WEEKEND.
Together: SLATS.
- HOG, SHEIK?
- UH, SHEIK, HOG.
(laughing)
- DIDN'T YOU RECOGNIZE US?
- OH, SURE, SURE.
YOU KNOW, I WAS
JUST FOOLING AROUND.
(laughing)
- SAME OLD SLATS.
- YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
- WELL, YOU HAVEN'T EITHER.
- SLATS, I'VE LOST 120 POUNDS.
- EXCEPT FOR THAT.
- AND I'VE STARTED TO GET
A LITTLE BALD SPOT ON TOP.
- REALLY?
- IS PHIL HERE YET?
- UH, NO.
- OH, GREAT.
WE GOT HERE ON TIME
FOR HIS ENTRANCE.
- HAVE YOU CHECKED THE SHOWER?
(laughing)
- HA, HA, HA.
HA, HA, HA.
- OH, THIS...
THIS IS MY FRIEND AND
HANDYMAN, GEORGE.
GEORGE, THIS IS
AL "SHEIK" FRASER
AND THIS IS WALTER
"HOG" AMBROSE.
- OH, I HEARD SO
MUCH ABOUT YOU GUYS.
DICK SAID WHEN
YOU WERE TOGETHER,
A MINUTE NEVER WENT BY WITHOUT
SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENING.
- WELL, I GUESS WE'D BETTER
GET THE REST OF OUR LUGGAGE.
- OH, THAT'S OKAY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
SO FAR, THEY'VE
BEEN A LETDOWN, DICK.
- HI.
- OH, THIS IS MY WIFE, JOANNA.
HERE THEY ARE, SHEIK AND HOG.
- NICE TRY, DICK.
HI, HOG.
HI, SHEIK.
DICK TOLD ME YOU GUYS ARE
ALWAYS FOOLING AROUND LIKE THIS.
- NO, REALLY, I'M SHEIK.
HE'S HOG.
- OH, STOP.
- HONEY, WE'RE...
WE'RE NOT KIDDING.
- OH. SORRY.
- WELL, HAVE I GOT A
WEEKEND PLANNED.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FIRST?
EAT, DRINK OR SWING
FROM THE RAFTERS?
- I'D LIKE TO TAKE A NAP.
- OOH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
(laughing)
- YOU'RE SERIOUS?
WELL, SURE, SURE, YOU
HAVE TO GET SOME REST,
BUT BE DOWN HERE FOR DINNER
BECAUSE WE'RE COOKING
UP A REAL GUT BUSTER.
- OH, YEAH, WELL,
THAT REMINDS ME.
HERE IS A LIST OF MY
DIETARY REQUIREMENTS.
I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING
THAT'S DIFFICULT TO DIGEST.
- I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOMS.
- WELL, I HOPE THERE'S
A PHONE IN MINE.
I GOT TO CALL MY WIFE.
- OH, TELL ME ABOUT THE MISSUS.
SHE MUST BE SOME KNOCKOUT
TO HAVE CORRALLED THE SHEIK.
- OH, NOT NOW, SLATS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO
CALL HER 10 MINUTES AGO.
I GOTTA HURRY BEFORE
THE GRACE PERIOD ENDS.
- MY, ARE THEY A...
ARE THEY A COUPLE OF
CRAZY NUT BUCKETS OR WHAT?
(laughing)
- MICHAEL, BE CAREFUL.
- HERE, LET ME
HELP YOU WITH THAT.
- OH, UH.
- WHAT'S IN HERE, ANYWAY?
- IT'S A BRAND NEW COLOR TV
WITH REMOTE CONTROL
AND STEREO SOUND.
MICHAEL BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
- OH. OH, HE DID.
WELL, GEE, IT MUST BE YOUR
BIRTHDAY OR SOMETHING.
- NO, HE BOUGHT IT FOR
MY FAVORITE REASON,
BECAUSE I SAW IT
AND WENT "OOOH."
GEORGE, WILL YOU HOOK IT
UP TO THE ANTENNA FOR ME?
- SWEET KNEES, LET'S NOT
IMPOSE ON GEORGE NOW.
HE CAN HOOK IT UP TOMORROW.
- ISN'T HE CONSIDERATE?
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING, GEORGE?
- UP TO MY ROOM,
TO WATCH MY OLD FUZZY
BLACK AND WHITE MONO TV
WITH NO REMOTE CONTROL.
- KIND OF A CYNICAL
OLD GUY, ISN'T HE?
- WELL, SLATS, THAT
WAS A TERRIFIC MEAL.
- YEAH, MY SPECIAL DIET SURE
DIDN'T CRAMP JOANNA'S COOKING.
- YEAH, JOANNA
COULD ALWAYS MAKE UP
A MEAN PLATTER OF
RICE AND STRAINED PEARS.
- IT'S TOO BAD IT'S
NOT SITTING TOO WELL.
I THINK I OVERDID
IT ON THE MILK.
- YEAH, I WAS GONNA
SAY SOMETHING.
REMEMBER THE TIME THAT
PHIL RODE THE SWIVEL CHAIR...
- WHAT ARE THOSE THERE?
- ANTRAPONE, STOMACH RELAXER.
- DID YOU EVER TRY DIAZEDINE?
I USE IT FOR MY BACK SPASMS.
- SURE, I ALWAYS CARRY SOME.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOOD?
- GUYS, WHY DON'T WE
JUST SET OUT A BUFFET?
C'MON, GUYS,
WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR FUN THESE DAYS?
(laughing)
- YOU KNOW,
I'VE GOTTEN INTO
SOMETHING A LITTLE CRAZY.
- YEAH?
- MODEL RAILROADING.
YOU HAVE THESE LITTLE
BUILDINGS AND TREES,
EVEN TINY PEOPLE, AND
IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL,
THAT TRAIN CAN GO
FLYING OFF THAT TRACK
AND DOING A WHOLE
MESS OF DAMAGE.
- THAT'S A... THAT'S A
BIG RESPONSIBILITY.
- WELL, I TRIED A
BUNCH OF HOME HOBBIES
AND THEN I FELT I
NEEDED SOMETHING MORE.
SOMETHING TO GET ME OUT OF
THE HOUSE AND INTO THE WORLD.
- ALRIGHT, SHEIK.
- SO I JOINED A GARDENING CLUB.
- OH, THIS WAS FUN.
WELL, THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN TOP THIS
IS TO PLAY SOME MUSIC.
- BUT PHIL'S NOT HERE YET.
- YEAH, BUT HE WILL BE
AND IF HE WALKS
THROUGH THAT DOOR NAKED,
HE'S GONNA WANT
SOMETHING TO DANCE TO.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT A GO.
(drums)
- OH, GOOD.
I CAN'T WAIT TO
HEAR YOU GUYS PLAY.
DICK WAS ALWAYS TELLING
ME HOW GREAT THE BAND WAS.
(jazz music, out of tune)
- MY BACK! Joanna: OH, DEAR.
- SHEIK!
- OH, HERE.
- FIRST MY STOMACH,
NOW SHEIK'S BACK.
THIS CRAZY WEEKEND OF
YOURS IS GONNA KILL US.
- I'LL BE OKAY.
- OH, OKAY, THAT'S IT,
I'M GONNA FIND OUT
WHAT'S KEEPING PHIL.
IT'S STILL EARLY ON THE COAST.
MAYBE HIS OFFICE
KNOWS WHERE HE IS.
Sheik: I'LL BE OKAY.
SOMEBODY PLEASE
REACH IN MY POCKET
AND GIVE ME TWO
BLUES AND ONE YELLOW.
- HELLO, I'M CALLING
ABOUT PHIL BRADLEY.
WE'RE HAVING A
REUNION IN VERMONT
AND COULD YOU TELL
HIM TO HURRY ON DOWN?
WE NEED A MASSIVE
INJECTION OF SILLY.
- I SEE.
UH, WHEN?
THANK YOU.
- WELL? WHEN'S HE
GONNA GET HERE?
- OH, IT COULD BE A WHILE.
PHIL DIED THREE WEEKS AGO.
- AH, HERE YOU ARE.
YOU STILL CAN'T SLEEP?
- NO.
- WELL, HONEY, LOSING
A FRIEND IS TOUGH.
- YEAH, WELL, THAT'S NOT
ALL THAT'S BOTHERING ME.
- WHAT ELSE?
- YOU KNOW, EVEN
THOUGH PHIL'S DEAD,
I MEAN, HE'S STILL THE LIVELIEST
MEMBER OF THE JAZZTONES.
- DICK, DON'T SAY THAT.
- JOANNA, PEOPLE I
REMEMBER AS TOTAL WILD MEN
HAVE GOTTEN BALD, HENPECKED
AND THINK GARDENING
IS LIVING ON THE EDGE.
- WELL, DICK,
EVERYBODY GETS OLDER.
I'M BETTER AT THIS WIDE AWAKE.
- JOANNA, FACE IT, MY
GLORY DAYS ARE BEHIND ME.
I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO
CLIMB STAIRS TWO AT A TIME.
NOW IT'S ONE BY ONE.
SOON I'LL NEED ONE
OF THOSE LITTLE CHAIRS
THAT RIDE UP THE BANISTER.
- HONEY, YOU'RE FORGETTING
THE POSITIVE THINGS
ABOUT GETTING OLDER.
YOU HAVE SECURITY,
ACCOMPLISHMENTS,
WISDOM, A FAIRLY NICE
WARDROBE, DRUMS.
MAYBE I'D BETTER GO BACK TO BED.
(yawning)
- WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, SLATS?
- YEAH, GETTING UP BEFORE
EIGHT SCREWS UP MY REGULARITY.
- JUST BECAUSE PHIL IS GONE,
DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ALL
OVER FOR THE JAZZTONES.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA
MAKE US PLAY AGAIN?
- NO, BUT WE HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING.
- WHAT?
- ANYTHING.
WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO DO SOMETHING
THAT MADE YOU FEEL LIKE
YOU DID IN THE OLD DAYS,
SOMETHING WILD AND INSANE?
- WELL, WOULD OUR
INSURANCE COVER IT?
- YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
LISTEN, IF YOU
DON'T DO IT FOR ME,
DO IT FOR PHIL,
IN HONOR OF WHAT HE MEANT TO US.
- WELL, WHAT KIND OF
THING DO YOU WANT TO DO?
- ANYTHING.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS DECIDE.
AS LONG AS IT'S
WILD AND EXCITING.
- LET'S GO BOWLING!
- I WAS THINKING OF SOMETHING
WITH A LITTLE MORE
OF AN ELEMENT OF RISK.
- LET'S EAT MEXICAN.
- I DON'T THINK YOU GOT
THE RIGHT SPIRIT YET.
THINK DANGER, RISK.
- WATER-SKIING.
- KEEPING IN MIND WE'RE
IN VERMONT IN WINTER.
- SLEDDING.
- WAIT, BETTER YET, TOBOGGANING.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, IT'S PERFECT. IT'S
EXHILARATING. IT'S EXCITING
AND THERE'S A PLACE JUST
A FEW MILES FROM HERE.
- YA KNOW, I FEEL
NUTTIER ALREADY.
- ME TOO.
- THE JAZZTONES
ARE BACK IN ACTION.
- YEAH.
- I'LL BRING PLENTY OF ANTACID
IN CASE WE STOP FOR FOOD.
- AND I'LL CALL MY WIFE
AND ASK PERMISSION.
- CAN I HELP YOU?
- YEAH. YEAH, WE WANT TO...
(clearing throat) WE
WANT TO TAKE A RUN.
- YOU GUYS LOOK KIND OF
OLD FOR THIS SORT OF THING.
- HEY, WE'RE THE JAZZTONES.
- JAZZTONES? MEET
THE WIDOWMAKER.
- WILL YOU PUT THOSE AWAY?
- OKAY, YOU START RIGHT
HERE ON WHIPLASH WAY,
THEN YOU HIT PARALYZER POINT,
SHOOT INTO THE SLING SHOT,
AND THEN SLIP UNDER
GUILLOTINE BRIDGE.
IT'D HELP IF YOU DUCK THERE.
- THAT SOUNDS GOOD, FOR A START.
- YOU ARE THE JAZZTONE.
OKAY, WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE?
LIGHTNING, ROCKET OR POKEY?
- LIGHTNING.
- SLATS, POKEY
SOUNDS KINDA CUTE.
- AH, NOT REALLY.
IT GOT ITS NAME WHEN SOMEONE
TOOK A BRANCH IN THE EYE.
- LIGHTNING IT IS.
- SLATS, THIS IS DANGEROUS.
- THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU DO
THIS IF IT WERE DANGEROUS.
- YOU'LL HAVE TO
SIGN THIS WAIVER.
(reading) "WE FULLY
RELEASE THE MANAGEMENT
FROM ALL LIABILITY FOR ANY
DEATH OR INJURY INCLUDING,
BUT NOT LIMITED TO
THE LOSS OF LIMBS
AND/OR HEAD."
- YEAH, WE HAD TO
ADD THAT LAST ONE.
- DICK, OUR HEADS!
- ALRIGHT, SO THERE'S
AN ELEMENT OF RISK,
BUT THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
TO DO SOMETHING DARING.
SOMETHING THAT LETS
US KNOW WE'RE ALIVE.
- AND DYING'S GONNA DO THAT?
- MY WIFE MARRIED
ME FOR MY LOOKS.
SHE'LL KILL ME IF WHAT'S
LEFT WINDS UP ON A TREE.
- LISTEN, GUYS, IF
YOU CHICKEN OUT NOW,
YOU'LL HAVE TO
ADMIT TO YOURSELVES
THAT YOU'RE OLD AND OLD IS LESS.
- WE COULD ADMIT THAT.
- OLD IS LESS.
OKAY. CAN WE GO NOW?
- GUYS,
FOR PHIL?
- FOR PHIL.
- FOR PHIL.
- WHAT ARE WE?
Together: - THE JAZZTONES!
- AHH!
- HI, MICHAEL.
- GEORGE.
IF I HAD ANY IDEA I WAS
GONNA BUMP INTO YOU HERE,
I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT
THE MONEY I OWE YOU.
- AH, THAT'S OKAY.
IT'LL KEEP.
- THANKS.
BOY, IF YOU EVER OPEN A BANK,
YOU CAN COUNT ON A LOT OF
LOAN BUSINESS FROM THIS GUY.
HA, HA.
MY CAR'S GONE!
- YOU'RE KIDDING?
WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE?
- YOU KNOW MY CAR, GEORGE,
IT'S A RED
MINT-CONDITION TURBO Z.
- DID IT HAVE A
DISTINCTIVE PINE SCENT?
- MY ODOR SNUFFER.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
- SAME PLACE I GOT THIS.
- MY CUSTOM SPOKED
HUBCAP WITH CURB CUTTERS.
YOU TOOK THE PINE TREE
AND HUBCAPS OFF MY CAR?
- AMONG OTHER THINGS.
- OH, NO.
ONE OF THOSE... THINGS
FROM THE ENGINE.
GEORGE, I WANT THOSE
BACK AND I WANT THEM NOW.
- WELL, THEY ARE
YOURS, MICHAEL...
FOR $500.
- YOU EXPECT ME TO PAY $500
FOR A DEODOR AND A HUBCAP
AND A SMUDGY BLACK THING?
- WELL, MAYBE NOT.
BUT WHAT IF I THREW
IN ONE OF THESE?
- FORGET IT.
I DON'T NEED ANY
OF THOSE THINGS.
NOW WHERE'S THE REST OF MY CAR?
- IN THE GARAGE.
OF COURSE, IF YOU
DRIVE WITHOUT A DOOR,
YOU COULD FREEZE TO DEATH.
BUT THEN YOU'D WARM UP AS
SOON AS THE ENGINE EXPLODES.
- I'LL WRITE YOU A CHECK.
- FINE.
WE'LL GO TO THE
BANK AND CASH IT.
WE BETTER TAKE MY CAR.
- WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, GEORGE,
THIS IS THE LAST TIME I EVER
BORROW MONEY FROM YOU.
- I KNOW.
- JOANNA!
JOANNA!
(playing drums)
- DICK, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN ALL DAY?
- CAREENING WILDLY DOWN A
TREACHEROUS MOUNTAIN SLOPE
IN A RUNAWAY TOBOGGAN.
- YOU DID A DANGEROUS THING
LIKE THAT WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST?
- DAMN RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU MARRY A JAZZTONE.
- WHAT A RIDE! PHEW!
THAT WAS THE GREATEST
20 FEET OF MY LIFE.
- YOU ONLY WENT 20 FEET?
- CAREENING WILDLY.
WE WERE THROWN OFF THE
COURSE AT THE FIRST CURVE
AND WE CRASHED HEADLONG
INTO THIS... SNOW BANK.
- YEAH, IT WAS LIKE RUNNING
RIGHT INTO A BIG COMFORTER.
- YEAH, ONLY WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT
UNTIL WE CAREENED
WILDLY INTO IT.
YEAH, IT WAS SCARY.
- YEAH, BUT
EXCITING. HA, HA, HA.
OOH, LOOK AT THIS.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL
MY WIFE 27 MINUTES AGO.
LET HER WAIT.
- ALL RIGHT, SHEIK!
- UH, COULD SOMEONE
HELP ME TO THE COUCH.
I DON'T THINK I CAN WALK IT.
- OH MY GOD, WHILE YOU
GUYS HAVE BEEN CELEBRATING,
THIS MAN IS OBVIOUSLY HURT.
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
THIS HAD NOTHING TO
DO WITH THE TOBOGGAN.
- NO, AFTERWARDS,
WE DID SOMETHING
THAT TOOK EVEN MORE GUTS.
- WE ATE MEXICAN.
- WHAT ARE WE?
- THE JAZZTONES!
(theme music playing)
Man's voice: MEOW!