Newhart (1982–1990): Season 4, Episode 8 - The Shape of Things - full transcript

(music playing)

- UH, DICK.

"NEW ENGLAND LIFE" IS
LOOKING FOR SUBMISSIONS

FOR THEIR "MOST MEMORABLE
CHARACTER" COLUMN

AND I'VE DECIDED I... I
WANT TO WRITE ONE.

- OH, THAT'S GREAT, GEORGE.

WHO... WHO YOU
GONNA WRITE ABOUT?

- DO THE INITIALS D.L.
TELL YOU ANYTHING?

- WELL, I'M EITHER
FLATTERED OR SURPRISED

THAT YOU KNOW DOROTHY LAMOUR.

- NO, NO. IT'S YOU, DICK.



YOU UNFORGETTABLE LUG.

(chuckling)

- GEORGE, I'M NOT...
I'M NOT SURE I'M...

NOT SURE I'M COLORFUL ENOUGH

TO QUALIFY AS A "MOST
MEMORABLE CHARACTER."

- DICK, WHAT... WHAT IS THIS?

- OH, THEY HAVE A NEW
DONUT SHOP IN TOWN AND I...

I GOT ONE OF EACH KIND.

IT'S A KIND OF RESEARCH.

- AND YOU SAY
YOU'RE NOT COLORFUL.

(chuckling)

"MAKES PIG OF HIMSELF

AND CALLS IT RESEARCH."

- HI, HONEY.



STEPHANIE AND I ARE
GOING TO DO OUR AEROBICS.

WANT TO JOIN US?

- DAMN.

I'VE GOT MY LEOTARDS IN WOOLITE.

- OKAY, LET'S START.

(music playing)

- ONE AND TWO AND MAKE IT BURN.

THREE AND FOUR AND
ONE AND TWO AND THREE...

- UH, EXCUSE ME.

IS THIS AN AEROBICS CLASS?

- WELL, I WOULDN'T
CALL IT A CLASS, EXACTLY.

- I'D BE WILLING TO PAY.

- THEN IT'S A CLASS.

- STEPHANIE.

- WE CHARGE SIX
DOLLARS A SESSION.

- THERE'S NO CHARGE.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN US.

- WONDERFUL!

I'LL GO CHANGE
AND BE RIGHT BACK.

- JOANNA!

YOU'RE TOO NICE. NOW, STOP IT.

THAT'S THE THIRD
PERSON THIS WEEK

WHO'S ASKED TO JOIN US.

DON'T YOU SEE THAT OUR
WELL-FORMED DERRIERES

ARE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE HERE?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OPENING AN AEROBICS STUDIO.

WE'LL RENT A LITTLE
STORE IN TOWN

AND THEN WE'LL FRANCHISE.

WE'LL MAKE EXERCISE
RECORDS, BOOKS, TAPES,

AND EVENTUALLY WE'LL
BUY OUT JANE FONDA

AND FORCE HER BACK INTO THE
MOVIES WHERE SHE BELONGS.

- BUT STEPHANIE, STARTING
A BUSINESS TAKES MONEY.

- WE CAN GET MONEY.

I'LL BORROW SOME FROM DADDY

AND IF YOU COULD
COME UP WITH $500,

WE'D BE IN BUSINESS.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND LIKE TOO MUCH.

BUT I'D HAVE TO
DISCUSS IT WITH DICK.

HE'D DISCUSS IT WITH ME.

- POOR JOANNA.

(snorts) THIS MARRIAGE
SOUNDS ALMOST FIFTY-FIFTY.

- WE'RE THINKING
OF SEEKING HELP.

- DICK, COULD I ASK
YOU SOMETHING?

WELL, NO. FORGET IT.

I'M SORRY, YOU'RE
RIGHT. IT'S A STUPID IDEA.

- HONEY, I GOTTA
CALL 'EM LIKE I SEE 'EM.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THE DEVIL DIALER 5000.

ISN'T SHE A BEAUTY?
- WHAT DOES "SHE" DO?

- SPEED DIALS UP TO
180 PHONE NUMBERS...

LIKE THAT.

- WHY WOULD YOU WANT... THAT?

- HONEY, IN... IN
THE AVERAGE LIFE,

24 HOURS IS SPENT
DIALING THE PHONE.

NOW, WHEN I GO, I DON'T
WANT TO SAY, "OH, NO!

I WASTED A WHOLE
DAY OF MY LIFE..."

(tapping)

- DOING THAT.

- WHERE DID YOU
GET THOSE FIGURES?

- THE... THE SALESMAN
WAS PRETTY SURE.

- DICK, HOW MUCH DID THIS COST?

- IT'S ALSO GREAT IN
TIMES OF EMERGENCY.

NOW, I'VE ALREADY
PROGRAMMED THE PHONE NUMBERS

FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT,
THE POLICE DEPARTMENT,

THE DOCTOR, THE...
THE ANIMAL SHELTER...

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN
YOU'RE ADOPTING A PET,

SECONDS COUNT.

- HOW MUCH WAS IT?

- IT'S ALSO A SPEAKERPHONE.

NOW, NORMALLY THIS
KIND OF TECHNOLOGY...

- DICK.
- $260

- OH. THAT'S FINE.

- IT... IT IS?
- YES.

YOU'RE ENTITLED TO
YOUR TOYS NOW AND THEN

AND I'M ENTITLED TO
MY EXPENDITURES.

- HOW MUCH?

- FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

- FOR WHAT?

- TO OPEN AN AEROBICS
STUDIO WITH STEPHANIE.

- AH.

HONEY, I... I DON'T THINK
VERMONT IS READY FOR AEROBICS

AND I DON'T THINK
STEPHANIE IS...

IS READY FOR ANYTHING.

- I THINK I'VE DEMONSTRATED

THAT IF ANYBODY CAN GET
STEPHANIE TO PUT HER NOSE

TO THE GRINDSTONE, I CAN.

- (blowing)

MUST BE GRINDSTONE DUST.

- ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T
THINK I COULD SUCCEED AT THIS?

- HONEY, I'M SAYING

YOU COULD PROBABLY SUCCEED
AT ANY WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE.

IT'S JUST THAT...

- THAT AEROBICS ISN'T A
WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE?

- I'M... I'M SURE IT'S A
WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE

TO PEOPLE WHO ARE FOND
OF THAT KIND OF THING.

- THEN YOU'RE SAYING
IT'S WORTHWHILE

AND I COULD SUCCEED AT IT?

- IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE I AM.

- HONEY, THANK YOU.

I'M REALLY GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.

- AND... AND TO THINK WHEN
YOU CAME IN HERE YOU...

YOU THOUGHT IT
WAS A STUPID IDEA.

(laughing)

- DICK, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND

WITH MY "MOST MEMORABLE
CHARACTER" ARTICLE?

- OH, I GUESS SO, GEORGE.

WHAT... WHAT KIND
OF HAND DO YOU NEED?

- WOULD YOU WRITE IT?

- GEORGE, YOU
KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

- GIVE ME SOMETHING, DICK.

YOU'RE THE MOST MEMORABLE
CHARACTER I'VE EVER MET,

BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME
I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY.

SO, TELL ME, IN YOUR OWN WORDS,

JUST WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
YOU'RE SO DOGGONE SPECIAL.

- WELL, UH, (coughs)

GEORGE, YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS...

THIS IS THE BEST EXAMPLE BY...
BY ANY MEANS, BUT RIGHT OFF...

RIGHT OFF THE TOP, MY
PUBLISHER SAYS THAT...

THAT MY... MY MANUSCRIPTS
HAVE FEWER TYPOS

THAN HE HAS EVER SEEN.

YOU... YOU CAN USE THAT.

- UH, "FEWEST TYPOS
HE'S EVER SEEN."

BOY, THIS IS GREAT STUFF, DICK.

YOU UNDERSTAND, IF I
START TO RUN ALONG,

I MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO USE EVERYTHING.

(pacy aerobics music)

- AND ONE AND TWO
AND WORK THAT BODY.

FEEL THE BURN!

IF IT DOESN'T HURT,
YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

(sighs)

I'M TIRED. THAT'S ENOUGH.

OKAY, THAT'S OUR FIRST CLASS.

I THINK YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO APPLAUD ME.

(applause)

- THANK YOU.

- HI. I'M LARRY.

THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL,

AND THIS IS MY OTHER
BROTHER DARRYL.

- HI, FELLAS. WHAT
CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

- WELL, DARRYL HERE'S
BECOME A PORKER.

THE PROBLEM SEEMS TO BE TOO
MANY BETWEEN-MEAL CRITTERS.

WE WAS WONDERIN' IF HE
COULD TAKE UP A SPACE OR TWO

IN YOUR CLASS.

- SURE. WE'RE JUST
ABOUT TO START.

WHY DON'T YOU AND
DARRYL JOIN US TOO?

YOU COULD CHANGE RIGHT IN THERE.

- OKAY.

OH, BY THE WAY, WE'D PREFER
NOT TO DO ANY PELVIC TILTS.

WE'RE HAPPY WITH
DARRYL'S BUTTOCKS

THE WAY THEY ARE.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY. LET'S START.

(music playing)

ALL RIGHT!

- HI, ALL. CAPTAIN VIDEO'S HERE.

- HI, MICHAEL.

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WE'RE GOING TO
SHOOT A COMMERCIAL.

- OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

OKAY.

- UH, JOANNA, YOU'LL
HAVE TO MOVE.

APPARENTLY PART OF
YOU IS STILL IN THE PICTURE.

- STEPHANIE, YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T WANT ME IN THE...

- CAN YOU CHAT LATER, JOANNA?

I'VE GOT TO GET THIS CAMERA
BACK TO THE NEWS TEAM.

THAT WAREHOUSE FIRE
ISN'T GONNA BURN FOREVER.

AND, ACTION.

- OKAY, CLASS. TOE TOUCH.

AND ONE AND TWO.

OH, HI.

I'M STEPHANIE, THE FABULOUS
FORM OF "FABULOUS FORMS,"

AND IF YOU WOMEN WANNA
LOOK LIKE ME, FORGET IT.

BUT PERHAPS TWO-THIRDS
OF MY BEAUTY CAN BE YOURS

BY SIGNING UP FOR THE
SPECIAL EXERCISE PROGRAM

WE CALL "STEPHACIZE."

I'LL BE SEEING YOU,

BUT BEST OF ALL,
YOU'LL BE SEEING ME.

AND ONE AND TWO AND STEPHACIZE.

- AND CUT.

(chuckling) THAT WAS
PERFECT, STEPH.

I... I LAUGHED, I CRIED.

YOU PUT ME THROUGH
ALL THE CHANGES.

WELL, THAT'S A WRAP.

BETWEEN THIS AND
THAT WAREHOUSE FIRE,

THIS CAMERA'S GONNA
SEE A LOT OF HEAT TODAY.

(giggling)

- "STEPHACIZE"?

- YEAH, "VANDERKELLENCIZE"
WOULD NEVER FIT ON A TEE-SHIRT.

- HOW COME YOU SHOT A
COMMERCIAL WITHOUT ME?

- LATER, JOANNA. I
HAVE A CLASS TO TEACH.

- I THOUGHT I WAS
SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS ONE.

- WELL, THAT'S SWEET,
BUT LOOK AT THAT WINDOW.

FILTH, FILTH, FILTH.

I'D PREFER YOU DID THAT.

BOY, IS IT A RELIEF TO HAVE
SOME HELP FOR A CHANGE.

- STEPHANIE, I
THINK I'M ENTITLED

TO SOME SAY AROUND HERE.

I PUT UP $500.

- WELL, I PUT UP $2,000.

- YOU DID?
- YES.

AND THAT MAKES THIS PLACE
MORE MINE THAN YOURS.

THIS ISN'T THE INN, JOANNA.

HERE, YOU WORK FOR ME.

- I WORK FOR YOU?

- WELL, NOT AT THE MOMENT.

YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE.

- LOOK, I THOUGHT WE WERE
GONNA BE EQUAL PARTNERS.

- GEE, JOANNA, WHY
WOULD YOU THINK THAT?

AFTER ALL, THIS WHOLE
THING WAS MY IDEA.

I PUT UP FOUR TIMES THE MONEY.

I BOUGHT THE MERCHANDISE

AND THE FITNESS PROGRAM
IS CALLED "STEPHACIZE."

- YOU NAMED IT "STEPHACIZE."

- OF COURSE I DID. THIS
WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA.

I PUT UP FOUR TIMES THE MONEY.

- STEPHANIE, IF
THIS IS YOUR PLACE,

THEN I REALLY DON'T
THINK THAT I WANT TO BE...

- HI, GORGEOUS.
- HONEY!

YOU MADE IT TO
THE GRAND OPENING.

- I WOULDN'T HAVE
MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD,

AND BESIDES, THE DONUT
SHOP IS RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

OPENING DAY AND
YOU'RE STILL OPEN.

I'M IMPRESSED.

- WE HAPPEN TO BE GETTING
OUR FAIR SHARE OF CUSTOMERS.

- YOU CERTAINLY ATTRACTED
THE TRENDSETTERS.

- DARRYL, IF YOU
EAT THEM DONUTS,

DARRYL AND ME WILL HAVE
TO WALK AHEAD OF YOU

GREASING DOORJAMBS.

- ANY PROBLEM KEEPING
STEPHANIE'S NOSE

TO THE GRINDSTONE?

- FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SHE'S
BEEN NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

- FINE.

NO NEED FOR ME TO
WISH YOU A NICE DAY.

- AND TWO AND THREE.

ONE, TWO, AND THREE AND FOUR.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

(music playing)

- DICK, I THINK MY TROUBLES

WITH MY "MOST MEMORABLE
CHARACTER" PIECE ARE OVER.

I READ A BUNCH OF
THE OTHER ARTICLES

AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

SO, DICK, HAVE YOU EVER
SAFELY LANDED A JUMBO JET

AFTER THE PILOT AND COPILOT
ARE OVERCOME BY FOOD POISONING?

- NOT A JUMBO JET, NO.

- DID YOU EVER
SINGLE-HANDEDLY LEAD

AN UNDERDEVELOPED
LATIN AMERICAN VILLAGE

INTO THE 20TH CENTURY?

- GEORGE...
- NO.

- GEORGE, WE'VE HAD
SOME PRETTY GOOD TIMES.

IF... IF YOU HAVE TO
WRITE THIS ARTICLE,

WHY NOT USE THOSE?

- OH, OKAY.

WEREN'T YOU EVEN
ONCE THE ONLY WITNESS

UNAFRAID TO COME FORWARD
AND TOPPLE A CORRUPT...

- GEORGE, NO, NEVER, I WOULDN'T.

- BOY, IF IT WEREN'T
FOR THE DONUT THING,

I'D HAVE ZILCH.

- DICK, HAVE YOU TAKEN
A LOOK AT OUR PHONE BILL

SINCE YOU GOT THE
NEW DEVIL DIALER?

- YEAH, HONEY, I WAS... I WAS
GONNA MENTION THAT TO YOU.

- YOU MADE 12 CALLS TO INDIA?

- THAT... THAT WAS
SORT OF AN ACCIDENT,

BUT I GOT THROUGH LIKE THAT.

- GOODNIGHT, JOANNA.

- STEPHANIE, WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?

- OH, THEY'RE GOING TO PICK
THE HOMECOMING KING AND QUEEN

OVER AT THE COLLEGE,

SO WE'RE GOING TO
WATCH AND FEEL SUPERIOR.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- TRUST US, JOANNA.

ONE LOOK AT THOSE
IVY LEAGUE BOW WOWS...

- NO, I MEAN, STEPHANIE
STILL HAS WORK TO DO HERE.

THE OVEN NEEDS CLEANING.

- I'LL DO IT LATER.

- NOW.

THAT'S AN ORDER.

- WELL, IF I HAVE TO WORK LATE,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO OPEN
THE STUDIO IN THE MORNING

AND TEACH THE
FIRST THREE CLASSES.

- I CAN'T. I HAVE
TO BUY SUPPLIES

FOR THE INN TOMORROW MORNING.

- I'M SORRY, JOANNA.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S AN ORDER.

- LET ME TELL YOU...

- GALS, GALS, GALS. I'M
CHOKING ON FUR HERE.

- MICHAEL, WE'RE NOT ARGUING.

WE'RE JUST HANDING
OUT ASSIGNMENTS.

- IF I HAVE TO TEACH
THOSE CLASSES,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE
TO BUY THE SUPPLIES.

- WELL, SINCE I HAD TO
SPEND THE ENTIRE MORNING

GETTING SUPPLIES FOR THE INN,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO
SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY

GETTING SUPPLIES FOR THE STUDIO.

- OKAY, BUT
UNFORTUNATELY IT LOOKS LIKE

ANOTHER LATE NIGHT FOR THE MAID.

- ASSUMING YOU GET HOME
BEFORE THE MAID'S IN BED.

HOW'S DARRYL COMING ALONG?

- FRANKLY, MISS STEPHANIE,
WE'RE DISCOURAGED TO BITS.

IF THIS THING HAD A BELL ON
TOP, HE'D HAVE BLOWN IT OFF.

- WELL, IT TAKES TIME.

YOU JUST HAVE TO STICK WITH IT.

- NAW. WE'RE GOING BACK

TO THE MORE TRADITIONAL
METHOD OF WEIGHT LOSS.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- PUT MEAT IN HIS PANTS AND
TROT HIM PAST THE BEAR CAVE.

COME ON, DARRYL.

Stephanie: OKAY, EVERYBODY.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A
TEAM STRETCH CLASS.

SO, FIND A PARTNER

WHO'S APPROXIMATELY
AS FAT AS YOU ARE.

- HI, HONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I CAME... UH, CAME
BY TO SEE YOU.

OH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE...

YOU'RE DOING STEADY
BUSINESS HERE.

YOU KEEP THIS UP,

WE MAY ACTUALLY GET
OUR INVESTMENT BACK.

I'M NOT AFRAID TO EAT CROW.

YOU AND STEPHANIE
MAKE A TERRIFIC TEAM.

- JOANNA, WE'RE
ALL WAITING FOR YOU.

COULD YOU FLIRT
ON YOUR OWN TIME?

- I'LL BE THERE WHEN
I'M GOOD AND READY.

WE FOOL AROUND
LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

- NOW, I AND MY ASSISTANT WILL
DEMONSTRATE TEAM STRETCHING.

THIS IS FOR THE INNER THIGHS.

- OKAY.

FIRST YOU PULL YOUR
PARTNER FORWARD.

- OOH!

MAKING SURE NOT TO GO TOO FAR.

THEN YOUR PARTNER
PULLS YOU FORWARD,

AGAIN MAKING SURE NOT
TO GO TOO FAR. LIKE THIS.

- AAUGH!

- OKAY, BEGIN.

- WE GO MY WAY FIRST.

- MY WAY.
- MY WAY.

- IT'S MY PLACE. I
WANNA GO MY WAY.

- YOU'RE THE BOSS.
- OH!

- I, UH, I MAY NOT
BE AN EXPERT BUT,

IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THAT
DID THE INNER THIGHS

A HELL OF A LOT OF GOOD.

- EXCUSE ME, CLASS,
I THINK IT'S TIME

I HAD A TALK WITH MY PARTNER.

- GOOD, BECAUSE I WANT TO
HAVE A TALK WITH MY ASSISTANT.

- JOANNA, YOU... YOU
CAN'T DESERT YOUR CLASS.

IT'S... IT'S BAD FOR BUSINESS

AND WE'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT
GETTING OUR INVESTMENT BACK.

- FINE.

EVERYBODY, MY HUSBAND DICK
WILL BE TAKING OVER THE CLASS.

- WHAT?

- HI.

- DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT EXERCISE?

- I DIDN'T GET THIS
WAY BY ACCIDENT.

OKAY,

BEGIN.

- BEGIN WHAT?

- STEPHANIE, I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF YOUR BOSSING ME AROUND.

- WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU CAME TO WORK FOR ME.

- I WASN'T COMING
TO WORK FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT WE WERE
GOING TO BE PARTNERS,

AND IF YOU HAD SOMETHING
DIFFERENT IN MIND,

THEN I HAD A RIGHT TO BE TOLD.

- WELL, I HARDLY
THINK IT'S NECESSARY

TO DISCUSS EVERY LITTLE
DETAIL WITH MY EMPLOYEES.

- OKAY, THAT'S...

THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE
BENDING-SIDEWAYS-TYPE STUFF.

WELL, I GUESS... I
GUESS NEXT WE SHOULD...

WE SHOULD DO SOME...

SOME MORE
BENDING-SIDEWAYS-TYPE STUFF.

AND, BEGIN.

A ONE AND TWO...

- STEPHANIE, IT'S OBVIOUS
THAT I CAN'T WORK FOR YOU.

- JOANNA, MOST OF THE
PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES

WORK FOR VANDERKELLENS.

NOW, YOU DON'T HEAR
THEM COMPLAINING.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF
BOSSING IS IN MY BLOOD.

- WELL, I HATE TO
INTERFERE WITH DESTINY,

BUT CAN'T WE JUST
BE EQUAL PARTNERS?

- YOU MEAN I'D HAVE TO
DO SOME LIGHT MOPPING?

BUT I HAVE TO DO THAT
EVERY DAY AT THE INN.

WELL, WAIT, MAYBE YOU
COULD TAKE OVER HALF OF THAT.

- AND TWO AND STOP.

OKAY. ANY...

ANYBODY WANNA...
WANNA DO THAT ONE AGAIN?

- NO!

PLEASE GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.

- OKAY. GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.

WHAT'LL IT BE?

OH, I... I... I KNOW.

THIS... THIS ONE IS...

THIS ONE IS
ESPECIALLY GOOD FOR...

FOR THE BODY

AND HERE'S...
HERE'S HOW IT GOES.

YOU PUT... YOU PUT
YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN.

NOW... NOW YOU PUT
YOUR RIGHT FOOT OUT.

PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN AGAIN,

AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU... YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY

AND... AND YOU... AND YOU TURN
YOURSELF AROUND, AND THAT...

AND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

- BUT JOANNA, YOU CAN'T QUIT.

IT'S TOO BIG A JOB FOR ONE
PERSON TO RUN THIS PLACE.

BESIDES, I CAN'T GO BACK
TO JUST CLEANING TOILETS.

I WANNA "STEPHACIZE,"
NOT SANITIZE.

- WELL, STEPHANIE, IF WE
CAN'T RUN THIS PLACE TOGETHER,

AND WE CAN'T RUN
IT ALONE... (sigh)

- OKAY, FASTER NOW
AND... AND MAKE IT BURN.

YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN,
YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND OUT,

YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN
AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND
YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND,

AND THAT'S WHAT'S
IT'S ALL ABOUT.

OKAY, REAL GOOD. KEEP IT GOING.

NOW, EVERYBODY.

- YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN,
YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND OUT,

YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN
AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY...

- DICK!
- YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND.

- DICK, WHAT ON EARTH?

- AND HALT!

- AWW!

- UH, THANKS BUT NOW I'D...

I'D LIKE TO TURN YOU BACK
TO YOUR REAL TEACHERS,

THE GALS WHO TURNED
FABULOUS FORMS INTO...

INTO A REAL MONEYMAKER,
JOANNA AND... AND STEPHANIE.

- WHOO!
- THANK YOU, DICK.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

SORRY TO KEEP YOU ALL WAITING.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO
GO OUT OF BUSINESS.

- WHAT? ALL: OH!

- WE THANK YOU FOR
YOUR PATRONAGE

AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'LL
CONTINUE TO DO THE HOKEY-POKEY

ON YOUR OWN.

- W... W... WAIT! WAIT!

I HAVE A GREAT... A GREAT
ONE WHERE YOU PRETEND...

YOU PRETEND TO BE A TEAPOT.

- DICK. THAT'S PATHETIC.

- LET... LET ME... LET ME
SEE IF I CAN TRACK WHAT...

WHAT HAPPENED HERE.

AGAINST MY ADVICE, YOU WENT
INTO BUSINESS WITH STEPHANIE.

WE INVESTED $500 AND AFTER
BEING OPEN ONLY TWO DAYS...

- DICK, HERE'S THE DEAL.

IF YOU FINISH THAT
SENTENCE, YOU DIE,

BUT IF YOU NEVER SAY
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS,

I WILL BUY YOU SO MANY DONUTS

THAT WHEN I HUG
YOU, YOU'LL OOZE JELLY.

- I'LL GO TAKE A NUMBER
AND YOU CLOSE UP.

(music playing)