Newhart (1982–1990): Season 4, Episode 19 - He Ain't Human, He's My Cousin - full transcript
George's only living relative, his boorish cousin Eugene, comes to visit.
(theme music playing)
(music playing)
- DICK, DO ME A FAVOR.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- SMELL ME.
- MICHAEL, OF ALL THE
THINGS I WANTED TO DO TODAY,
THAT WAS THIRD.
- PLEASE, DICK, BEFORE
STEPH COMES DOWN.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'M SMELLING MICHAEL. WHY?
- I TOOK A GOOD LONG
LOOK AT MY LIFE RECENTLY
AND I FOUND THERE
WAS NO DANGER, NO RISK,
SO DICK, JOANNA, I'VE
SWITCHED COLOGNES.
- AND WITHOUT A NET TOO.
- MAKE LIGHT IF YOU WANT
BUT IF STEPH DOESN'T LIKE THIS,
I'LL BE YESTERDAY'S
MOO CHOW CHOW.
- HI, EVERYBODY.
BOY, DO I HAVE EXCITING NEWS.
- WHOA, WORD TRAVELS FAST.
- ZEBEDIAH UTLEY IS
FINALLY GETTING HIS DUE.
- ZEBEDIAH UTLEY?
YOU MEAN YOUR
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT...
GREAT-GRANDFATHER, ONE OF
THE FOUNDERS OF THE TOWN?
- THAT'S ZEBEDIAH.
THE TOWN COUNCIL HAS
FINALLY DECIDED TO HONOR HIM
AND, AS THE ONLY
SURVIVING UTLEY,
THEY CHOSE ME TO
DEDICATE THE BRONZE BUST
THEY HAD MADE OF HIM.
- WELL, KUDOS, GEORGE.
I DIDN'T KNOW A RELATIVE OF
YOURS HELPED FOUND THE TOWN.
- OH, YEAH. HE WAS A MEMBER OF
AN INTREPID BAND OF EXPLORERS
THAT SET OUT FROM BOSTON
IN SEARCH OF AN
OVERLAND ROUTE TO CHINA.
- CHINA?
- I SAID THEY WERE
INTREPID, DICK, NOT SMART.
- SO I GUESS THIS IS
AS FAR AS THEY GOT?
- NO, THIS IS WHERE
ZEB CHICKENED OUT
AND REFUSED TO GO ON.
- WELL, STILL, IF IT
WEREN'T FOR HIM,
WE MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE A TOWN.
- THAT'S TRUE.
I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING
THE OTHERS COULDN'T COAX HIM
OUT OF THAT TREE.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- HERE SHE COMES. CROSS
YOUR FINGERS FOR ME.
- I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
- SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT.
WHAT IS IT?
- STEPH, I'VE SWITCHED COLOGNES.
- WITHOUT CONSULTING ME?
MICHAEL, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
- I THINK SHE LIKES IT.
- PHEW.
(music playing)
- GEORGE, WE COME
BEARING GREAT NEWS.
- IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.
- IF IT'S ABOUT
MICHAEL'S NEW SMELL,
I ALREADY HEARD.
- RESEARCH ON ZEBEDIAH UTLEY
TODAY TURNED UP
ANOTHER LIVING UTLEY.
- WHAT?
- DICK, AS MAYOR, I WAS
SUPPOSED TO GET TO TELL HIM.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW CAN THERE BE ANOTHER UTLEY?
- WELL, YEARS AGO, A
GREAT-UNCLE OF YOURS
MOVED TO MILWAUKEE
AND YOU HAVE A
DISTANT COUSIN, GEORGE.
- DICK, IF YOU
WANTED TO BE MAYOR,
YOU SHOULD HAVE RUN.
- I'M SORRY, YOU
TELL HIM THE REST.
- WHAT'S LEFT?
- WELL, THAT YOU
GOT IN TOUCH WITH HIM
AND INVITED HIM TO THE CEREMONY.
- THANKS A LOT, DICK.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, DICK.
A MINUTE AGO I WAS
ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD
AND NOW I'M NOT;
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- EUGENE.
- DICK, I JUST REMEMBERED
ONE THING YOU FORGET TO SPILL.
GEORGE'S COUSIN'S NAME.
- IT'S EUGENE.
- I'VE GOT A RELATIVE, DICK.
JUST THINK.
I'LL FINALLY HAVE A PICTURE
OF SOMEONE TO PUT IN THIS.
- I ALWAYS WONDERED,
GEORGE, WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?
- THEY CAME WITH THE FRAME.
THAT'S UNCLE WALT, THE
HIGHLY DECORATED WAR HERO.
THAT'S AUNT DORIS,
THE NOBEL PRIZE WINNER.
- YOU HAVE
MAKE-BELIEVE RELATIVES?
- YOU GET WEIRD WHEN
YOU'RE ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.
- WHAT'S THE STORY WITH THE BOY?
- WE DON'T LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT COUSIN PETE, DICK.
HE'S BEEN SUCH A
DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIS PARENTS.
(music playing)
- EUGENE'S ROOM IS READY
AND WAITING, GEORGE.
- THANKS, JOANNA.
I HOPE YOU REMEMBERED TO SCATTER
A BUNCH OF THOSE
LITTLE SOAPS AROUND.
IF HE'S AN UTLEY, HE'LL PROBABLY
WANT TO WASH WHILE HE'S HERE.
- THOSE UTLEYS, ONE
SURPRISE AFTER ANOTHER.
- HI, ALL.
STEPH, YOUR
SWEET-SMELLING GUY IS HERE.
- OOH!
- MICHAEL, I THOUGHT YOU
HAD TO WORK LATE TONIGHT?
- WELL, STEPH MADE
ME GET OUT OF IT.
EVER SINCE I SWITCHED COLOGNES,
THE WOMAN CAN'T
KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME.
I THINK I MAY HAVE
STUMBLED ON A LOVE POTION
NUMBER NI-I-I-I-INE.
- MICHAEL.
- GOOD GOD, STEPH,
WAS THERE SOME SORT OF
INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT
DURING YOUR TOILETTE?
- NO, SILLY, I JUST COULDN'T
WAIT TO SEE YOU AND SMELL YOU.
OHH, ALAN.
- I MEAN, MICHAEL.
- ALAN?
- MICHAEL, ALAN, IT'S
AN EASY MISTAKE, RIGHT?
- RIGHT. THEY PRACTICALLY RHYME.
- SEE?
NOW C'MON, I'LL LET YOU
WATCH WHILE I COMB OUT MY HAIR.
MICHAEL, I TOLD
YOU, STAY UPWIND.
- HI!
- I'M LOOKING FOR GEORGE UTLEY.
- GEORGE?
- COUSIN EUGENE.
OH, COUSIN!
- GEORGIE-POOOOOORGE!
(cackling)
- COUSIN EUGENE, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY BEST FRIENDS
IN ALL THE WORLD.
THIS IS DICK LOUDON.
- HI.
- AND HIS WIFE, JOANNA.
- HELLO.
- YAOW!
- DICK, JOANNA, THIS
IS COUSIN EUGENE.
- SO, EUGENE, HOW
WAS YOUR FLIGHT?
- IT STUNK.
JUST BECAUSE I
HAD A COACH TICKET,
THEY TRIED TO KICK
ME OUT OF FIRST CLASS.
HA, BUT WHEN YOU'RE
IN MY LINE OF WORK,
YOU LEARN NOT TO
TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
- WHAT IS IT YOU DO?
- I SELL ROMWHITE
PRODUCTS, DICK.
- WHAT ARE ROMWHITE PRODUCTS?
- YOU NAME IT.
ANYTHING TO SATISFY
YOUR HOUSEHOLD,
PERSONAL, EVEN A FEW
OF YOUR BARNYARD NEEDS.
DICK, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
SEE HOW THIS LITTLE GIZMO
CAN GET RID OF
NOSE HAIRS LIKE THAT?
- NO.
- I CAN'T TAKE THAT
AS AN ANSWER, DICK.
SOONER OR LATER,
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
- GEORGIE-PORGE,
SO WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, A FARMER OR SOMETHING?
- NO, I'M THE HANDYMAN
HERE AT THE STRATFORD,
JUST LIKE MY FATHER
WAS BEFORE ME.
IT'S SORT OF A FAMILY TRADITION.
- SOUNDS MORE LIKE
A NICE WAY OF SAYING,
"DAD GOT ME THE JOB." (cackling)
- HA, HA, HA.
SAY, EUGENE,
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT
IF I GOT A PICTURE OF YOU?
- GREAT.
BUT LET ME GET ONE FIRST.
- OHH.
- TERRIFIC.
SAY, HAVE YOU GOT A
BIKINI OR SOMETHING?
- I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH
PHOTOS FOR A WHILE.
- JUST AS WELL.
OOH, OOH, OOH, HOT
CAMERA, HOT CAMERA.
(cackling)
- GEORGE, MAYBE THIS
WOULD BE A GOOD TIME
TO SHOW EUGENE TO HIS ROOM.
- GREAT.
AND BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN
SO KIND TO LET ME STAY HERE,
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
THESE.
(cackling)
- HA, HA, HA, HA.
- IS MURDER A CAPITAL
OFFENSE IN VERMONT?
- IT'S WORTH CHECKING INTO.
- STEPH, I DEMAND TO
KNOW WHO THIS ALAN IS.
- THAT NAME JUST SLIPPED OUT.
- TWELVE TIMES?
NOW, WHO IS IT?
- NOBODY.
JUST A GUY WHO USED
TO SMELL LIKE YOU.
- A GUY.
SOMEONE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH?
- OF COURSE NOT.
IT WAS MORE OF AN
UNCONTROLLABLE PASSION,
SORT OF A THING.
(music playing)
- STEPHANIE, WHERE
ARE ALL THE GUESTS?
- MOST OF THEM CHECKED OUT.
- WHY?
- MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE
AN OBNOXIOUS SALESMAN
WAS BANGING ON THEIR DOORS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
SAYING SOONER OR LATER
HE WAS GONNA GET THEM.
THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT
HAVE BEEN THE SHOCK
OF SEEING EUGENE STROLLING NAKED
TO THE SHOWER THIS MORNING.
I THINK I'M ENTITLED
TO GROSS-OUT PAY.
- WE TOLD YOU, WE DON'T
WANT ANY WART REMOVER.
- SURE YOU DO.
- WE DON'T HAVE ANY WARTS.
- BUT YOUR WIFE'S GOT
THAT THING ON HER FACE.
- WELL, IT'S ONLY
A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE I WEAR THEM DOWN.
SO WHERE'S GEORGIE-PORGIE
THIS MORNING?
- HE HASN'T COME DOWN YET.
- GOOD. I HAVE JUST
THE THING TO WAKE HIM.
(siren sounds)
(cackling)
- THE ROMWHITE DISTRESS BLASTER.
IT COMES IN HANDY IN
BAD NEIGHBORHOODS.
YOU WANT ONE?
- THIS IS VERMONT.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY
BAD... (siren wailing)
- I'LL FIND ONE.
(siren wailing)
- GOOD. I'LL BILL YOU LATER.
RIGHT NOW, I GOT TO
WAKE UP GEORGIE-PORGE.
(siren wailing)
- DICK, WE'RE LOSING CUSTOMERS.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO GEORGE.
- HONEY, I CAN'T TELL GEORGE
THAT HIS ONLY LIVING RELATIVE
IS THE MOST OBNOXIOUS
HUMAN BEING WE'VE EVER MET.
(siren wailing) George: AAGHHH!
- THEN HE MAY JUST
STUMBLE ONTO IT.
- HOLA, HOST, HOSTESS, CUPCAKE.
- MICHAEL.
EUGH.
YOU SMELL LIKE YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, STEPH, I COULDN'T GO ON
KNOWING YOU WERE
KISSING ME BUT SMELLING HIM.
NOW ARE WE STILL GOING
TO THE DEDICATION CEREMONY
TONIGHT OR NOT?
- I GUESS.
PICK ME UP AT 8 OR SOMETHING.
- WHOA, THE THRILL HAS GONE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO GET THAT HIGH-CLASS HONKER
BACK ON THE SET
OF MICHAEL HARRIS.
- BOY, THAT EUGENE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE JUST DID?
- SNUCK UP, SCARED THE
LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU
WITH A ROMWHITE BLASTER
WHILE YOU WERE TRYING TO SHAVE?
- BOY, HE'S QUITE A
CHARACTER, ISN'T HE?
- YEAH, HE'S ONE-OF-A-KIND.
- LIKE NO ONE I'VE EVER MET.
- YEAH, HE'S A
REAL... INDIVIDUAL.
- I HATE HIM, DICK.
- YOU SHOULD,
GEORGE. HE'S A FOOL.
- A NINCOMPOOP.
- AN OBNOXIOUS BALL OF SLIME.
- HEY, THAT'S MY COUSIN
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, DICK.
- GEORGE, JUST
BECAUSE HE'S FAMILY,
DOESN'T MEAN YOU
HAVE TO LIKE HIM.
- OKAY.
HE'S AN OBNOXIOUS BALL OF SLIME.
- WELL, LOOK AT IT
THIS WAY, GEORGE,
HE'LL BE LEAVING TOMORROW
AND THEN ALL YOUR
TROUBLES WILL BE OVER.
- BUT HE'S GOING TO
THE DEDICATION TONIGHT.
EVERYBODY IN TOWN
IS GONNA MEET HIM.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
IS MURDER A CAPITAL
OFFENSE IN VERMONT?
- YEAH, BUT THEY HAVEN'T
EXECUTED ANYONE SINCE 1954.
- DICK.
- WELL, HONEY, I ONLY CHECKED
OUT OF, YOU KNOW, CURIOSITY.
(music playing)
- GEORGIE-POOOOORGE!
(cackling)
SO YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
- UH, YEAH.
LISTEN, EUGENE, YOU'RE
MY ONLY LIVING RELATIVE
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO
TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY
BUT YOU ARE A PUSHY,
OBNOXIOUS JERK.
- SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING AT?
I'VE BEEN ON MY BEST
BEHAVIOR SINCE I GOT HERE.
- YOU HAVE?
- WELL, SURE.
DIDN'T I TELL DICK THAT JUST
BECAUSE HE WRITES "HOW-TO" BOOKS
INSTEAD OF NOVELS, IT
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S A FAILURE?
- WELL, SURE, BUT...
- AND I BET
AN HOUR HASN'T GONE BY THAT I
HAVEN'T COMPLIMENTED JOANNA
ON HOW STACKED SHE IS.
WHAT'S THE EMBARRASSING PART?
- I REALLY DON'T
WANT YOU TO COME
TO THE DEDICATION
CEREMONY TONIGHT.
- WHAT?
- AGAIN, NO OFFENSE,
BUT I'D PREFER NO ONE
EVER KNOW WE'RE RELATED.
- OH.
WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, GEORGE.
I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT
IN MY HANGING AROUND.
- TOO BAD.
ALL THESE YEARS,
I'VE BEEN WISHING
THERE WAS SOMEONE IN
THIS WORLD I WAS RELATED TO.
HITS ME WORST
AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.
YOU EVER SPENT
THANKSGIVING ALONE, GEORGE?
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
THE HEARTACHE OF SAYING,
"PASS THE YAMS,"
AND THEY JUST SIT THERE.
MODELS, HUH?
AT LEAST, YOU GOT PEOPLE.
I GOT A BUNCH OF CATS
PLAYING WITH YARN.
- WAIT.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO COME
TO THE CEREMONY, YOU CAN.
- YOU MEAN IT?
- BUT ONCE WE GET THERE,
DON'T TALK TO ANYONE.
DON'T LOOK AT ANY...
DON'T DO ANYTHING.
- IS THAT IT?
- YOU CAN HAVE THIS
BACK AFTER THE CEREMONY.
- UM, UH...
(music playing)
- WAIT HERE, STEPH.
I'LL FIND A SEAT.
- FINE.
I MAY STILL BE HERE
WHEN YOU GET BACK.
- OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW,
CANDICE BERGEN AT
OUR TOWN MEETING.
HEY, CANDY.
- MY MISTAKE, IT'S JUST
OLD MRS. TROGDON.
(sniffing)
- KEEP A SHARP EYE, DARRYL,
THERE'S A SISSY IN THE VICINITY.
- NO, REALLY, I'M
NOT KIDDING, JOANNA.
- ONCE AGAIN, EUGENE, THANK YOU.
AND SPEAKING OF BUSTS,
THAT MUST BE ZEBEDIAH.
- OKAY, WHAT HAPPENS
FROM THIS POINT ON?
- IT'S SO LIFELIKE.
- YEAH, YOU CAN ACTUALLY
SEE THE FEAR IN HIS EYES.
- YOU MUST BE GEORGE'S
COUSIN, EUGENE.
I'M MAYOR WANAMAKER.
- VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAY, IS THAT A PIECE?
- C'MON, WHAT?
- OOH, MICHAEL, YOU'RE
WEARING THAT COLOGNE AGAIN.
- NOT ME, STEPH.
EAU DE ALAN HAS BEEN
BANISHED FROM THIS NAPE.
- WELL, SOMEONE'S WEARING IT.
Mayor: GOOD EVENING.
WE'RE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO
HONOR THE FOUNDER OF OUR TOWN,
ZEBEDIAH UTLEY.
- HEY-OOOOOH!
(applause)
- IN THE PAST, ZEB'S
NAME WAS MUCH MALIGNED.
HE WAS CALLED "CHICKEN
LIVER," "GUTLESS UTLEY"...
- "TREE FROG."
- THAT TOO.
BUT TODAY, WE'RE
GONNA REMEDY THAT.
HERE TO DEDICATE THIS
BEAUTIFUL BRONZE BUST
IS ZEBEDIAH'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GREAT-GRANDSON, GEORGE UTLEY.
(applause)
- EUGH, EUGH, EUGH, EUGH!
- GEE, STEPHANIE, I
HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
- SORRY, GEORGE, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE AVERSION THERAPY.
FROM NOW ON, STEPH
WILL ACQUAINT EAU DE ALAN
WITH EAU DE EUGH, EUGH, EUGH.
- (sniffing)
OH, MY GOODNESS,
NO WONDER MISS STEPHANIE
RAN SCREAMING FROM THE ROOM.
I HAVE SEEN THE
SISSY AND HE IS US.
DARRYL, MAKE A NOTE,
AS SOON AS THE RIVER
THAWS, IT'S BATH TIME.
- HI. I'M GEORGE UTLEY.
I NEVER KNEW MY
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GREAT-GRANDFATHER
BUT I'M SURE HE WAS A GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GUY.
SO IN HIS HONOR, I'D LIKE
TO DEDICATE THIS BUST.
SO I DO.
(applause)
- WELL, I GUESS THAT
CONCLUDES THE CEREMONY.
- HEY, THAT'S IT?
I SNEEZED AND MISSED IT.
- WHAT DO YOU EXPECT
ME TO DO UP HERE? JUGGLE?
- WELL, WHY NOT LET GEORGE'S
COUSIN, EUGENE, SPEAK?
HE'S AN UTLEY TOO.
- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
(applause) crowd:
YEAH. C'MON, EUGENE.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
REALLY, REALLY.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
(applause)
- WHAT THE HELL.
I CAN'T SAY WHAT A PLEASURE
IT IS FOR ME TO BE HERE.
BECAUSE IT ISN'T.
(cackling)
BUT SERIOUSLY, NOT
ONLY IS IT A CHANCE FOR ME
TO HONOR AN ANCESTOR
AND A GREAT MAN,
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME
TO MEET THE FINE PEOPLE OF
THE TOWN THAT HE FOUNDED.
(applause)
- AND WHEN I LOOK OUT
AND SEE YOUR FACES,
SO FULL OF HOPE AND INTEGRITY,
I CAN'T HELP SAYING,
"THANKS, ZEB, FOR
A JOB WELL DONE."
(applause)
- AND I WONDER
WHAT ZEB WOULD SAY
IF HE COULD BE HERE
TODAY. I THINK I KNOW.
I THINK HE'D SAY, "I'M PROUD.
I'M HONORED, AND MAKE
MINE A ROMWHITE PRODUCT."
YES, ROMWHITE SPOT SNUFFER
IS PERFECT FOR REMOVING STAINS
FROM METAL, FABRICS AND, YES,
EVEN BUSTS OF MINOR FOLK HEROES.
- NOW HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
- GENE, NO ONE NEEDS
A SPOT REMOVER.
- AW, WHAT ABOUT HIM?
I MEAN, IS THIS A
TIE OR IS IT A NAPKIN
HE FORGET TO TAKE OFF?
- YOU'RE MANHANDLING A MAYOR.
Eugene: YEAH.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- YOU!
YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY WITH
SOME SERIOUS SWEAT STAINS
UNDER THAT JACKET.
- OH, TAKE IT
EASY. TAKE IT EASY.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT THAT SPOT
REMOVER DID FOR THIS STATUE.
OH, UH, GEE, OH, THIS
IS DRAIN CLEANER.
BUT IMAGINE, IF THAT
HAD BEEN A GREASY CLOG.
NOW, DON'T CROWD, DON'T CROWD,
THERE'S ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.
- HEY, HOLD IT! NOBODY'S
TOUCHING MY COUSIN.
- WE JUST WANT TO DO TO HIM
WHAT HE DID TO THAT STATUE.
- NO. ANYONE WHO WANTS HIM
IS GONNA HAVE TO
COME THROUGH ME FIRST.
IT'S ALL OVER.
EVERYBODY, JUST GO HOME.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH.
TOUGH ROOM.
THANKS.
- WELL, WHEN YOU
COME RIGHT DOWN TO IT,
WE ARE COUSINS
SO I FIGURE I SHOULD
GET FIRST CRACK AT YOU.
- AAGHH!
- BOY, COMING FROM A
RELATIVE, THAT REALLY HURTS.
BUT IT DOESN'T STAIN.
BECAUSE I'M WEARING A
ROMWHITE WONDER SUIT.
HA, HA. LOOK AT
THAT PUNCH BEAT UP.
THAT'S BECAUSE THIS SUIT IS
MADE OF 100% UNNATURAL FIBERS
AND ONE JUST LIKE IT CAN
BE YOURS FOR ONLY $59.95.
GO AHEAD, GEORGE,
PULL AND TUG ALL YOU LIKE
BECAUSE THE ROMWHITE
WONDER SUIT WILL NOT WRINKLE.
(music playing)
(knocking on door)
- COME IN.
- HI, GEORGE.
WE FOUND THIS.
I HOPE IT'S THE SORT
OF THING YOU WANTED.
- OH, GEE, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S JUST LIKE HAVING YOU HERE.
- GEORGE, WE ARE HERE.
- WELL, I GUESS THE REAL
TEST WILL BE AFTER YOU LEAVE.
ANYWAY...
- OH, GEORGE,
WE'RE VERY TOUCHED.
- WELL, YOU FOLKS ARE MORE
MY FAMILY THAN MY FAMILY.
SORRY EUGENE WAS
SUCH A NUISANCE.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, GEORGE,
I'M SURE WE ALL LEARNED
SOMETHING FROM THE EXPERIENCE.
YAOW! (cackling)
(theme music playing)
- MEOW!
(music playing)
- DICK, DO ME A FAVOR.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- SMELL ME.
- MICHAEL, OF ALL THE
THINGS I WANTED TO DO TODAY,
THAT WAS THIRD.
- PLEASE, DICK, BEFORE
STEPH COMES DOWN.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- I'M SMELLING MICHAEL. WHY?
- I TOOK A GOOD LONG
LOOK AT MY LIFE RECENTLY
AND I FOUND THERE
WAS NO DANGER, NO RISK,
SO DICK, JOANNA, I'VE
SWITCHED COLOGNES.
- AND WITHOUT A NET TOO.
- MAKE LIGHT IF YOU WANT
BUT IF STEPH DOESN'T LIKE THIS,
I'LL BE YESTERDAY'S
MOO CHOW CHOW.
- HI, EVERYBODY.
BOY, DO I HAVE EXCITING NEWS.
- WHOA, WORD TRAVELS FAST.
- ZEBEDIAH UTLEY IS
FINALLY GETTING HIS DUE.
- ZEBEDIAH UTLEY?
YOU MEAN YOUR
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT...
GREAT-GRANDFATHER, ONE OF
THE FOUNDERS OF THE TOWN?
- THAT'S ZEBEDIAH.
THE TOWN COUNCIL HAS
FINALLY DECIDED TO HONOR HIM
AND, AS THE ONLY
SURVIVING UTLEY,
THEY CHOSE ME TO
DEDICATE THE BRONZE BUST
THEY HAD MADE OF HIM.
- WELL, KUDOS, GEORGE.
I DIDN'T KNOW A RELATIVE OF
YOURS HELPED FOUND THE TOWN.
- OH, YEAH. HE WAS A MEMBER OF
AN INTREPID BAND OF EXPLORERS
THAT SET OUT FROM BOSTON
IN SEARCH OF AN
OVERLAND ROUTE TO CHINA.
- CHINA?
- I SAID THEY WERE
INTREPID, DICK, NOT SMART.
- SO I GUESS THIS IS
AS FAR AS THEY GOT?
- NO, THIS IS WHERE
ZEB CHICKENED OUT
AND REFUSED TO GO ON.
- WELL, STILL, IF IT
WEREN'T FOR HIM,
WE MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE A TOWN.
- THAT'S TRUE.
I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING
THE OTHERS COULDN'T COAX HIM
OUT OF THAT TREE.
- HI, MICHAEL.
- HERE SHE COMES. CROSS
YOUR FINGERS FOR ME.
- I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
- SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT.
WHAT IS IT?
- STEPH, I'VE SWITCHED COLOGNES.
- WITHOUT CONSULTING ME?
MICHAEL, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
- I THINK SHE LIKES IT.
- PHEW.
(music playing)
- GEORGE, WE COME
BEARING GREAT NEWS.
- IT WILL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.
- IF IT'S ABOUT
MICHAEL'S NEW SMELL,
I ALREADY HEARD.
- RESEARCH ON ZEBEDIAH UTLEY
TODAY TURNED UP
ANOTHER LIVING UTLEY.
- WHAT?
- DICK, AS MAYOR, I WAS
SUPPOSED TO GET TO TELL HIM.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW CAN THERE BE ANOTHER UTLEY?
- WELL, YEARS AGO, A
GREAT-UNCLE OF YOURS
MOVED TO MILWAUKEE
AND YOU HAVE A
DISTANT COUSIN, GEORGE.
- DICK, IF YOU
WANTED TO BE MAYOR,
YOU SHOULD HAVE RUN.
- I'M SORRY, YOU
TELL HIM THE REST.
- WHAT'S LEFT?
- WELL, THAT YOU
GOT IN TOUCH WITH HIM
AND INVITED HIM TO THE CEREMONY.
- THANKS A LOT, DICK.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, DICK.
A MINUTE AGO I WAS
ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD
AND NOW I'M NOT;
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- EUGENE.
- DICK, I JUST REMEMBERED
ONE THING YOU FORGET TO SPILL.
GEORGE'S COUSIN'S NAME.
- IT'S EUGENE.
- I'VE GOT A RELATIVE, DICK.
JUST THINK.
I'LL FINALLY HAVE A PICTURE
OF SOMEONE TO PUT IN THIS.
- I ALWAYS WONDERED,
GEORGE, WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?
- THEY CAME WITH THE FRAME.
THAT'S UNCLE WALT, THE
HIGHLY DECORATED WAR HERO.
THAT'S AUNT DORIS,
THE NOBEL PRIZE WINNER.
- YOU HAVE
MAKE-BELIEVE RELATIVES?
- YOU GET WEIRD WHEN
YOU'RE ALL ALONE IN THE WORLD.
- WHAT'S THE STORY WITH THE BOY?
- WE DON'T LIKE TO TALK
ABOUT COUSIN PETE, DICK.
HE'S BEEN SUCH A
DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIS PARENTS.
(music playing)
- EUGENE'S ROOM IS READY
AND WAITING, GEORGE.
- THANKS, JOANNA.
I HOPE YOU REMEMBERED TO SCATTER
A BUNCH OF THOSE
LITTLE SOAPS AROUND.
IF HE'S AN UTLEY, HE'LL PROBABLY
WANT TO WASH WHILE HE'S HERE.
- THOSE UTLEYS, ONE
SURPRISE AFTER ANOTHER.
- HI, ALL.
STEPH, YOUR
SWEET-SMELLING GUY IS HERE.
- OOH!
- MICHAEL, I THOUGHT YOU
HAD TO WORK LATE TONIGHT?
- WELL, STEPH MADE
ME GET OUT OF IT.
EVER SINCE I SWITCHED COLOGNES,
THE WOMAN CAN'T
KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME.
I THINK I MAY HAVE
STUMBLED ON A LOVE POTION
NUMBER NI-I-I-I-INE.
- MICHAEL.
- GOOD GOD, STEPH,
WAS THERE SOME SORT OF
INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT
DURING YOUR TOILETTE?
- NO, SILLY, I JUST COULDN'T
WAIT TO SEE YOU AND SMELL YOU.
OHH, ALAN.
- I MEAN, MICHAEL.
- ALAN?
- MICHAEL, ALAN, IT'S
AN EASY MISTAKE, RIGHT?
- RIGHT. THEY PRACTICALLY RHYME.
- SEE?
NOW C'MON, I'LL LET YOU
WATCH WHILE I COMB OUT MY HAIR.
MICHAEL, I TOLD
YOU, STAY UPWIND.
- HI!
- I'M LOOKING FOR GEORGE UTLEY.
- GEORGE?
- COUSIN EUGENE.
OH, COUSIN!
- GEORGIE-POOOOOORGE!
(cackling)
- COUSIN EUGENE, I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY BEST FRIENDS
IN ALL THE WORLD.
THIS IS DICK LOUDON.
- HI.
- AND HIS WIFE, JOANNA.
- HELLO.
- YAOW!
- DICK, JOANNA, THIS
IS COUSIN EUGENE.
- SO, EUGENE, HOW
WAS YOUR FLIGHT?
- IT STUNK.
JUST BECAUSE I
HAD A COACH TICKET,
THEY TRIED TO KICK
ME OUT OF FIRST CLASS.
HA, BUT WHEN YOU'RE
IN MY LINE OF WORK,
YOU LEARN NOT TO
TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
- WHAT IS IT YOU DO?
- I SELL ROMWHITE
PRODUCTS, DICK.
- WHAT ARE ROMWHITE PRODUCTS?
- YOU NAME IT.
ANYTHING TO SATISFY
YOUR HOUSEHOLD,
PERSONAL, EVEN A FEW
OF YOUR BARNYARD NEEDS.
DICK, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
SEE HOW THIS LITTLE GIZMO
CAN GET RID OF
NOSE HAIRS LIKE THAT?
- NO.
- I CAN'T TAKE THAT
AS AN ANSWER, DICK.
SOONER OR LATER,
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
- GEORGIE-PORGE,
SO WHAT ARE YOU,
LIKE, A FARMER OR SOMETHING?
- NO, I'M THE HANDYMAN
HERE AT THE STRATFORD,
JUST LIKE MY FATHER
WAS BEFORE ME.
IT'S SORT OF A FAMILY TRADITION.
- SOUNDS MORE LIKE
A NICE WAY OF SAYING,
"DAD GOT ME THE JOB." (cackling)
- HA, HA, HA.
SAY, EUGENE,
WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT
IF I GOT A PICTURE OF YOU?
- GREAT.
BUT LET ME GET ONE FIRST.
- OHH.
- TERRIFIC.
SAY, HAVE YOU GOT A
BIKINI OR SOMETHING?
- I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH
PHOTOS FOR A WHILE.
- JUST AS WELL.
OOH, OOH, OOH, HOT
CAMERA, HOT CAMERA.
(cackling)
- GEORGE, MAYBE THIS
WOULD BE A GOOD TIME
TO SHOW EUGENE TO HIS ROOM.
- GREAT.
AND BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN
SO KIND TO LET ME STAY HERE,
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
THESE.
(cackling)
- HA, HA, HA, HA.
- IS MURDER A CAPITAL
OFFENSE IN VERMONT?
- IT'S WORTH CHECKING INTO.
- STEPH, I DEMAND TO
KNOW WHO THIS ALAN IS.
- THAT NAME JUST SLIPPED OUT.
- TWELVE TIMES?
NOW, WHO IS IT?
- NOBODY.
JUST A GUY WHO USED
TO SMELL LIKE YOU.
- A GUY.
SOMEONE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH?
- OF COURSE NOT.
IT WAS MORE OF AN
UNCONTROLLABLE PASSION,
SORT OF A THING.
(music playing)
- STEPHANIE, WHERE
ARE ALL THE GUESTS?
- MOST OF THEM CHECKED OUT.
- WHY?
- MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE
AN OBNOXIOUS SALESMAN
WAS BANGING ON THEIR DOORS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
SAYING SOONER OR LATER
HE WAS GONNA GET THEM.
THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT
HAVE BEEN THE SHOCK
OF SEEING EUGENE STROLLING NAKED
TO THE SHOWER THIS MORNING.
I THINK I'M ENTITLED
TO GROSS-OUT PAY.
- WE TOLD YOU, WE DON'T
WANT ANY WART REMOVER.
- SURE YOU DO.
- WE DON'T HAVE ANY WARTS.
- BUT YOUR WIFE'S GOT
THAT THING ON HER FACE.
- WELL, IT'S ONLY
A MATTER OF TIME
BEFORE I WEAR THEM DOWN.
SO WHERE'S GEORGIE-PORGIE
THIS MORNING?
- HE HASN'T COME DOWN YET.
- GOOD. I HAVE JUST
THE THING TO WAKE HIM.
(siren sounds)
(cackling)
- THE ROMWHITE DISTRESS BLASTER.
IT COMES IN HANDY IN
BAD NEIGHBORHOODS.
YOU WANT ONE?
- THIS IS VERMONT.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY
BAD... (siren wailing)
- I'LL FIND ONE.
(siren wailing)
- GOOD. I'LL BILL YOU LATER.
RIGHT NOW, I GOT TO
WAKE UP GEORGIE-PORGE.
(siren wailing)
- DICK, WE'RE LOSING CUSTOMERS.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO GEORGE.
- HONEY, I CAN'T TELL GEORGE
THAT HIS ONLY LIVING RELATIVE
IS THE MOST OBNOXIOUS
HUMAN BEING WE'VE EVER MET.
(siren wailing) George: AAGHHH!
- THEN HE MAY JUST
STUMBLE ONTO IT.
- HOLA, HOST, HOSTESS, CUPCAKE.
- MICHAEL.
EUGH.
YOU SMELL LIKE YOU AGAIN.
- WELL, STEPH, I COULDN'T GO ON
KNOWING YOU WERE
KISSING ME BUT SMELLING HIM.
NOW ARE WE STILL GOING
TO THE DEDICATION CEREMONY
TONIGHT OR NOT?
- I GUESS.
PICK ME UP AT 8 OR SOMETHING.
- WHOA, THE THRILL HAS GONE.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO GET THAT HIGH-CLASS HONKER
BACK ON THE SET
OF MICHAEL HARRIS.
- BOY, THAT EUGENE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE JUST DID?
- SNUCK UP, SCARED THE
LIVING HELL OUT OF YOU
WITH A ROMWHITE BLASTER
WHILE YOU WERE TRYING TO SHAVE?
- BOY, HE'S QUITE A
CHARACTER, ISN'T HE?
- YEAH, HE'S ONE-OF-A-KIND.
- LIKE NO ONE I'VE EVER MET.
- YEAH, HE'S A
REAL... INDIVIDUAL.
- I HATE HIM, DICK.
- YOU SHOULD,
GEORGE. HE'S A FOOL.
- A NINCOMPOOP.
- AN OBNOXIOUS BALL OF SLIME.
- HEY, THAT'S MY COUSIN
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, DICK.
- GEORGE, JUST
BECAUSE HE'S FAMILY,
DOESN'T MEAN YOU
HAVE TO LIKE HIM.
- OKAY.
HE'S AN OBNOXIOUS BALL OF SLIME.
- WELL, LOOK AT IT
THIS WAY, GEORGE,
HE'LL BE LEAVING TOMORROW
AND THEN ALL YOUR
TROUBLES WILL BE OVER.
- BUT HE'S GOING TO
THE DEDICATION TONIGHT.
EVERYBODY IN TOWN
IS GONNA MEET HIM.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
IS MURDER A CAPITAL
OFFENSE IN VERMONT?
- YEAH, BUT THEY HAVEN'T
EXECUTED ANYONE SINCE 1954.
- DICK.
- WELL, HONEY, I ONLY CHECKED
OUT OF, YOU KNOW, CURIOSITY.
(music playing)
- GEORGIE-POOOOORGE!
(cackling)
SO YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
- UH, YEAH.
LISTEN, EUGENE, YOU'RE
MY ONLY LIVING RELATIVE
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO
TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY
BUT YOU ARE A PUSHY,
OBNOXIOUS JERK.
- SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING AT?
I'VE BEEN ON MY BEST
BEHAVIOR SINCE I GOT HERE.
- YOU HAVE?
- WELL, SURE.
DIDN'T I TELL DICK THAT JUST
BECAUSE HE WRITES "HOW-TO" BOOKS
INSTEAD OF NOVELS, IT
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S A FAILURE?
- WELL, SURE, BUT...
- AND I BET
AN HOUR HASN'T GONE BY THAT I
HAVEN'T COMPLIMENTED JOANNA
ON HOW STACKED SHE IS.
WHAT'S THE EMBARRASSING PART?
- I REALLY DON'T
WANT YOU TO COME
TO THE DEDICATION
CEREMONY TONIGHT.
- WHAT?
- AGAIN, NO OFFENSE,
BUT I'D PREFER NO ONE
EVER KNOW WE'RE RELATED.
- OH.
WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, GEORGE.
I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT
IN MY HANGING AROUND.
- TOO BAD.
ALL THESE YEARS,
I'VE BEEN WISHING
THERE WAS SOMEONE IN
THIS WORLD I WAS RELATED TO.
HITS ME WORST
AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.
YOU EVER SPENT
THANKSGIVING ALONE, GEORGE?
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
THE HEARTACHE OF SAYING,
"PASS THE YAMS,"
AND THEY JUST SIT THERE.
MODELS, HUH?
AT LEAST, YOU GOT PEOPLE.
I GOT A BUNCH OF CATS
PLAYING WITH YARN.
- WAIT.
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO COME
TO THE CEREMONY, YOU CAN.
- YOU MEAN IT?
- BUT ONCE WE GET THERE,
DON'T TALK TO ANYONE.
DON'T LOOK AT ANY...
DON'T DO ANYTHING.
- IS THAT IT?
- YOU CAN HAVE THIS
BACK AFTER THE CEREMONY.
- UM, UH...
(music playing)
- WAIT HERE, STEPH.
I'LL FIND A SEAT.
- FINE.
I MAY STILL BE HERE
WHEN YOU GET BACK.
- OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW,
CANDICE BERGEN AT
OUR TOWN MEETING.
HEY, CANDY.
- MY MISTAKE, IT'S JUST
OLD MRS. TROGDON.
(sniffing)
- KEEP A SHARP EYE, DARRYL,
THERE'S A SISSY IN THE VICINITY.
- NO, REALLY, I'M
NOT KIDDING, JOANNA.
- ONCE AGAIN, EUGENE, THANK YOU.
AND SPEAKING OF BUSTS,
THAT MUST BE ZEBEDIAH.
- OKAY, WHAT HAPPENS
FROM THIS POINT ON?
- IT'S SO LIFELIKE.
- YEAH, YOU CAN ACTUALLY
SEE THE FEAR IN HIS EYES.
- YOU MUST BE GEORGE'S
COUSIN, EUGENE.
I'M MAYOR WANAMAKER.
- VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
SAY, IS THAT A PIECE?
- C'MON, WHAT?
- OOH, MICHAEL, YOU'RE
WEARING THAT COLOGNE AGAIN.
- NOT ME, STEPH.
EAU DE ALAN HAS BEEN
BANISHED FROM THIS NAPE.
- WELL, SOMEONE'S WEARING IT.
Mayor: GOOD EVENING.
WE'RE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO
HONOR THE FOUNDER OF OUR TOWN,
ZEBEDIAH UTLEY.
- HEY-OOOOOH!
(applause)
- IN THE PAST, ZEB'S
NAME WAS MUCH MALIGNED.
HE WAS CALLED "CHICKEN
LIVER," "GUTLESS UTLEY"...
- "TREE FROG."
- THAT TOO.
BUT TODAY, WE'RE
GONNA REMEDY THAT.
HERE TO DEDICATE THIS
BEAUTIFUL BRONZE BUST
IS ZEBEDIAH'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GREAT-GRANDSON, GEORGE UTLEY.
(applause)
- EUGH, EUGH, EUGH, EUGH!
- GEE, STEPHANIE, I
HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET.
- SORRY, GEORGE, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE AVERSION THERAPY.
FROM NOW ON, STEPH
WILL ACQUAINT EAU DE ALAN
WITH EAU DE EUGH, EUGH, EUGH.
- (sniffing)
OH, MY GOODNESS,
NO WONDER MISS STEPHANIE
RAN SCREAMING FROM THE ROOM.
I HAVE SEEN THE
SISSY AND HE IS US.
DARRYL, MAKE A NOTE,
AS SOON AS THE RIVER
THAWS, IT'S BATH TIME.
- HI. I'M GEORGE UTLEY.
I NEVER KNEW MY
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-
GREAT-GRANDFATHER
BUT I'M SURE HE WAS A GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GUY.
SO IN HIS HONOR, I'D LIKE
TO DEDICATE THIS BUST.
SO I DO.
(applause)
- WELL, I GUESS THAT
CONCLUDES THE CEREMONY.
- HEY, THAT'S IT?
I SNEEZED AND MISSED IT.
- WHAT DO YOU EXPECT
ME TO DO UP HERE? JUGGLE?
- WELL, WHY NOT LET GEORGE'S
COUSIN, EUGENE, SPEAK?
HE'S AN UTLEY TOO.
- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
(applause) crowd:
YEAH. C'MON, EUGENE.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
REALLY, REALLY.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
(applause)
- WHAT THE HELL.
I CAN'T SAY WHAT A PLEASURE
IT IS FOR ME TO BE HERE.
BECAUSE IT ISN'T.
(cackling)
BUT SERIOUSLY, NOT
ONLY IS IT A CHANCE FOR ME
TO HONOR AN ANCESTOR
AND A GREAT MAN,
IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME
TO MEET THE FINE PEOPLE OF
THE TOWN THAT HE FOUNDED.
(applause)
- AND WHEN I LOOK OUT
AND SEE YOUR FACES,
SO FULL OF HOPE AND INTEGRITY,
I CAN'T HELP SAYING,
"THANKS, ZEB, FOR
A JOB WELL DONE."
(applause)
- AND I WONDER
WHAT ZEB WOULD SAY
IF HE COULD BE HERE
TODAY. I THINK I KNOW.
I THINK HE'D SAY, "I'M PROUD.
I'M HONORED, AND MAKE
MINE A ROMWHITE PRODUCT."
YES, ROMWHITE SPOT SNUFFER
IS PERFECT FOR REMOVING STAINS
FROM METAL, FABRICS AND, YES,
EVEN BUSTS OF MINOR FOLK HEROES.
- NOW HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
- GENE, NO ONE NEEDS
A SPOT REMOVER.
- AW, WHAT ABOUT HIM?
I MEAN, IS THIS A
TIE OR IS IT A NAPKIN
HE FORGET TO TAKE OFF?
- YOU'RE MANHANDLING A MAYOR.
Eugene: YEAH.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- YOU!
YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY WITH
SOME SERIOUS SWEAT STAINS
UNDER THAT JACKET.
- OH, TAKE IT
EASY. TAKE IT EASY.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT THAT SPOT
REMOVER DID FOR THIS STATUE.
OH, UH, GEE, OH, THIS
IS DRAIN CLEANER.
BUT IMAGINE, IF THAT
HAD BEEN A GREASY CLOG.
NOW, DON'T CROWD, DON'T CROWD,
THERE'S ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.
- HEY, HOLD IT! NOBODY'S
TOUCHING MY COUSIN.
- WE JUST WANT TO DO TO HIM
WHAT HE DID TO THAT STATUE.
- NO. ANYONE WHO WANTS HIM
IS GONNA HAVE TO
COME THROUGH ME FIRST.
IT'S ALL OVER.
EVERYBODY, JUST GO HOME.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH.
TOUGH ROOM.
THANKS.
- WELL, WHEN YOU
COME RIGHT DOWN TO IT,
WE ARE COUSINS
SO I FIGURE I SHOULD
GET FIRST CRACK AT YOU.
- AAGHH!
- BOY, COMING FROM A
RELATIVE, THAT REALLY HURTS.
BUT IT DOESN'T STAIN.
BECAUSE I'M WEARING A
ROMWHITE WONDER SUIT.
HA, HA. LOOK AT
THAT PUNCH BEAT UP.
THAT'S BECAUSE THIS SUIT IS
MADE OF 100% UNNATURAL FIBERS
AND ONE JUST LIKE IT CAN
BE YOURS FOR ONLY $59.95.
GO AHEAD, GEORGE,
PULL AND TUG ALL YOU LIKE
BECAUSE THE ROMWHITE
WONDER SUIT WILL NOT WRINKLE.
(music playing)
(knocking on door)
- COME IN.
- HI, GEORGE.
WE FOUND THIS.
I HOPE IT'S THE SORT
OF THING YOU WANTED.
- OH, GEE, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S JUST LIKE HAVING YOU HERE.
- GEORGE, WE ARE HERE.
- WELL, I GUESS THE REAL
TEST WILL BE AFTER YOU LEAVE.
ANYWAY...
- OH, GEORGE,
WE'RE VERY TOUCHED.
- WELL, YOU FOLKS ARE MORE
MY FAMILY THAN MY FAMILY.
SORRY EUGENE WAS
SUCH A NUISANCE.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, GEORGE,
I'M SURE WE ALL LEARNED
SOMETHING FROM THE EXPERIENCE.
YAOW! (cackling)
(theme music playing)
- MEOW!