Newhart (1982–1990): Season 3, Episode 22 - What Makes Dick Run - full transcript

WOW. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE HAD
SOME INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES

WALKING FROM VERMONT
TO CALIFORNIA. [CHUCKLES]

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU?

A YEAR AND A HALF.

I COULD'VE DONE
IT IN THREE MONTHS,

BUT I LOST TIME IN
THE APPALACHIANS.

DIFFICULT CLIMB?

MM-MM. GOT MARRIED.

WELL, WE'VE RAN OUT OF TIME.

UH, THANK YOU, MARV STRIBLING,

NATURALIST, CROSS-COUNTRY
HIKER, NEWLYWED.



JOIN US NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EDITION

OF VERMONT TODAY.

♪♪ [THEME MUSIC]

[MAN OVER SPEAKER
DEVICE] AND WE'RE CLEAR.

WOW. 3,000 MILES.

YOU'RE A REAL INSPIRATION.

[STRAINED] THANK YOU.

WELL, I THOUGHT IT
WENT PRETTY WELL.

NOW, DICK, WHEN YOU
BOOKED THIS WALKER,

I FIGURED IT WAS
GONNA BE SNORE CITY.

BUT I FOUND MYSELF,
WELL, HALF LISTENING.

MICHAEL, IT WAS AN
INTELLIGENT, INFORMATIVE SHOW.

BUT, NEVERTHELESS, INTERESTING.

AND SPEAKING OF GOOD TV,
I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU



REGARDING THE VERMONT
INDUSTRY TELEVISION AWARDS.

I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR A VITA?

NO. OH.

BUT YOU COULD BE. THERE'S
ONE MORE WEEK TO QUALIFY.

YOU DO A DYNAMIC,
EMOTION-GRABBING SHOW NEXT SUNDAY,

AND THAT BEST HOST
NOMINATION IS YOURS.

I THOUGHT I WAS A PRETTY
GOOD HOST JUST NOW.

HEY, I LOVED YOU.

BUT THAT DARN
NOMINATING COMMITTEE

SEEMS TO FEED ON
ENERGY AND CHARISMA.

WELL, THEY'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BASE THEIR DECISION

ON THE WAY I AM.

GOOD LUCK, DICK.

YOU KNOW THE KIND OF
PEOPLE THIS AWARD GOES TO?

WALT BLEDSOE HAS WON THIS AWARD

THREE TIMES IN
THE LAST FIVE YEARS.

WALT BLEDSOE? THAT JERK?

HE YELLS AT HIS GUESTS AND
THROWS CHAIRS INTO THE AUDIENCE.

IT'S CALLED PERSONALITY, DICK.

LOOK, I'M NOT IN THIS

FOR THE SHALLOW
GRATIFICATION OF AN AWARD.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO ARE?

DICK, ALL I'M ASKING IS THAT
YOU SHOW A LITTLE SPARK.

HOW CAN I GET BEST
PRODUCER IF I CAN'T RIDE

ON THE COATTAILS OF A BEST HOST?

MICHAEL, I AM NOT
GONNA CHANGE THE SHOW.

I THINK IT'S PRETTY DARN
INTERESTING THE WAY IT IS.

MAN, WAS THAT A GOOD SHOW.

SEE, MICHAEL? OUR
DIRECTOR LIKED IT.

OH. NOT YOUR SHOW.

I CAUGHT THE LAST SIX
MINUTES OF WALT BLEDSOE.

HE HELD THIS COUNCILMAN'S HEAD
UNDERWATER TILL THE GUY AGREED WITH HIM.

BOY, HE'S REALLY
BUCKING FOR THAT VITA.

J.J., YOU'RE MY DIRECTOR.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE WATCHING
THE SHOW YOU'RE DIRECTING?

DICK, WITH YOUR SHOW,

I CAN PRACTICALLY LOCK
THE CAMERA INTO PLACE.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA
MOVE OR GESTURE OR ANYTHING.

ANYWAY, WALT HELD
THIS GUY'S HEAD...

LOOK, I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ANY MORE ABOUT WALT,

AND I DON'T WANT YOU WATCHING
OTHER SHOWS WHILE I'M ON THE AIR.

ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!

CAREFUL, DICK. I KNOW IT'S
HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

BUT OTHER PEOPLE
DO HAVE FEELINGS.

[SNEEZES]

JOANNA, I HAVE A COLD.

I'M GOING TO NEED NINE DAYS OFF.

NINE DAYS?

FOUR DAYS FOR THE
COLD TO RUN ITS COURSE,

AND THREE DAYS FOR MY NOSE TO
STOP LOOKING LIKE A STRAWBERRY,

AND TWO DAYS FOR BEING
A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER.

STEPHANIE, YOU JUST NEED ONE.

WHY DON'T WE WAIT FOR
A FEW MORE SYMPTOMS

BEFORE WE LOCK INTO
THIS NINE-DAY THING?

OKAY, BUT I'D HATE TO
HAVE TO ADD EXTRA DAYS

FOR NEEDLESS SUFFERING.

AH, MORNING, HONEY.

HONEY,

DO YOU THINK I'M...
UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU THINK I'M WITHOUT
EMOTION AND UN-WARM.

DICK, I LOVE YOU
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

WHICH IS WHAT?

WELL, YOU'RE... A
LITTLE RESERVED.

AH. THAT'S ENGLISH FOR
"COLORLESS," RIGHT? HONEY...

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE
FEELINGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

I DO. THERE'S ALL...

ALL KINDS OF STUFF
GOING ON IN HERE.

MORNING, EVERYONE.
MORNING, GEORGE.

GEORGE, DO YOU THINK
I'M UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?

YES, DICK.

YOU DO?

GEE, I THOUGHT IT WOULD
BE ALL RIGHT TO TELL YOU.

I MEAN, YOU NEVER GET
UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU ARE UPSET, AREN'T
YOU? IT'S SO HARD TO TELL.

DICK, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

MICHAEL HAS THIS IDEA
I CAN GET A NOMINATION

FOR THE VERMONT
INDUSTRY TV AWARDS

IF I WERE MORE
DYNAMIC AND ELECTRIC

ON... ON NEXT WEEK'S SHOW.

YOU MEAN LIKE WALT BLEDSOE?

NO, NOT LIKE WALT BLEDSOE.

GUY'S A JERK.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

DID YOU SEE THAT SHOW
WHERE HE HAD THIS QUAKER GUY

IN A HALF NELSON?

IT TOOK HIM FOREVER
TO PIN THE GUY.

WHAT A JERK.

WELL, IF THAT'S THE
WAY YOU HAVE TO ACT

TO GET A VITA AWARD,
THIS GUY DOESN'T WANT ONE.

BUT, HONEY, YOU HAVE TO
ADMIT, IT WOULD BE AN HONOR.

AND I'M SURE YOU COULD WIN ONE
WITHOUT ROUGHING UP A QUAKER.

CAN'T A PERSON JUST
ENJOY THEIR WORK?

LOOK AT GEORGE. I
MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO

ENTER A HANDYMAN
COMPETITION TO BE FULFILLED.

THERE'S A CONTEST
FOR BEST HANDYMAN?

NO, GEORGE.

DANG.

DICK, WHY ARE YOU
SO SET AGAINST IT?

HONEY,

I... I HATED THE WHOLE
IDEA OF COMPETITION

EVER SINCE CAMP COWAPOKA.

BUT MY FAVORITE
SPORT WAS... WAS DIVING.

I WAS LIKE A... LIKE
A KNIFE IN THE AIR.

I WAS HAVING THE... THE
BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE

UN-UNTIL GOLDEN TOMAHAWK DAYS.

THERE WERE EVENTS IN ALL SPORTS.

THE WINNERS GOT
THIS... THIS TOMAHAWK

WITH A GLEAMING GOLD HANDLE

AND A BEAUTIFUL RUBBER BLADE.

I WANTED ONE LIKE I NEVER...

WANTED ANY OTHER
TOMAHAWK IN... IN MY LIFE.

BUT I... I WANTED IT TOO MUCH.

BY THE DAY OF THE
CONTEST, I WAS...

I WAS SO NERVOUS I WAS
NO LONGER A... A KNIFE,

I WAS MORE LIKE A... SPATULA.

IN... IN ONE DIVE, I LOST THE...

THE COMPETITION,
THE TOMAHAWK, AND...

AND MY... MY SWIMMING TRUNKS.

WELL, THERE WAS ANOTHER
SNEEZE IN THE KITCHEN.

IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU,

OR DO YOU WANNA WAIT
FOR THE CORONER'S REPORT?

HI, DICK. WE WERE WONDERING

IF YOU'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
THIS WEEK'S SHOW.

"WE"?

COME ON IN, GUYS.

HAIL, HAIL, THE GANG'S ALL HERE.

WHY IS THE GANG ALL HERE?

WE WANNA DO SOME SPITBALLING
ABOUT THIS SUNDAY'S SHOW.

I'VE COME UP WITH SOME
GREAT IDEAS FOR GUESTS.

WE'VE ALREADY BOOKED
ELSA CARRUTHERS,

THE LIBRARIAN WHO FOUND THE
ALTERNATIVE TO THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM.

OKAY. CAN I BE THE ONE
TO BLOW THE DUST OFF HER?

DICK, WHAT WE NEED

IS A GUEST WHO HAS SOME
OOMPH, SOME WATTAGE.

SOMEBODY WITH A
LITTLE WACKEDA-WACKEDA,

BINGADA-BONGADA BOOM!

I FOUND A WOMAN
WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE

SIX DIFFERENT AND
DISTINCT PERSONALITIES.

I THINK SHE'S LEGIT, DICK.

AND SHE'S WILLING TO
COME OUT IN A BIKINI.

MICHAEL...

THREE OF HER PERSONALITIES
THINK SCANTY CLOTHING IS SEXIST.

THE OTHER THREE
SEEM TO GET OFF ON IT.

I CAN SHOOT THE
BIJANGLES OUT OF IT.

WE OPEN WITH THIS NUTCASE
ON A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH

RISING OUT OF THE STAGE.

I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

SUPPOSE I BUILD A
PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH

AND HAVE IT RISE
OUT OF THE STAGE?

SPEAKING OF ECHOES...

I CAN CREATE SOME
ATMOSPHERE WITH ECHO EFFECT.

UH, HOW ABOUT A FOG MACHINE?

IT WOULD REPRESENT HER
CLOUDED PERCEPTION OF REALITY.

THAT'S A HOT LOOK.

NO FOG.

UH, SORRY.

DID YOU CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING?

YES. I CONTRIBUTED A "NO."

FINE. HAVE IT YOUR WAY... DICK!

LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.

YOU'RE ALL TRYING TO
USE SOMEBODY'S SHOW

TO WIN YOURSELF
A... A VITA NOMINATION.

WELL, FORGET IT. WE'RE
GONNA DO OUR REGULAR SHOW.

OUR GUEST IS A LIBRARIAN
WITH ONE PERSONALITY.

NO FOG, NO RISING FURNITURE,

AND NO WACKEDA-WACKEDA,
BINGITY-BOMITY BOOM.

END OF MEETING.

I'LL GET BUSY BUILDING
THAT RISING COUCH.

NO RISING COUCH!

NOW HE GETS EMOTIONAL.

YEAH. HE EVEN GESTURED.

DICK, YOU DO REALIZE YOU
JUST TROD ON THE HOPES

OF SOME PRETTY FAIR
EXCUSES FOR HUMAN BEINGS.

I DON'T WANNA COMPETE
FOR SOME STUPID AWARD.

DON'T WANT TO, OR... [CLUCKING]

I'M NOT CHICKEN.

WHOA. BETTER PUT A BAND-AID
ON THE EXPOSED NERVE.

THERE ARE NO EXPOSED NERVES

OR CHICKENS IN THIS
OFFICE, ALL RIGHT?

DICK, IF YOU SAY SO,
THE SUBJECT'S CLOSED.

[CLUCKING]

HI, HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M JUST, UH, BRUSHING UP

ON THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
FOR MY SHOW THIS AFTERNOON.

OH. HOW'S STEPHANIE FEELING?

WELL, SHE'S RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

SHE'S ON THE LAST DAY
OF STRAWBERRY NOSE.

HI, ALL. HI, MICHAEL.

I'M HERE REGARDING
THAT LITTLE BEAUTY

ANY SANE MAN WOULD
WANT TO POSSESS.

STEPHANIE'S UPSTAIRS.

NOT THAT LITTLE
BEAUTY, THIS ONE.

THE VITA,

THE VERMONT TELEVISION
INDUSTRY'S SYMBOL

OF EXCELLENCE.

MICHAEL, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

OUR STATION MANAGER LENT ME HERS

WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT, DICK?

IT'S, UH... IT'S OKAY.

COULD BE BIGGER.

I GUESS THAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, DICK.

YOU LOOK AT THIS AND SEE FLAWS.

I SEE SOMETHING
I'D GIVE A LIMB FOR,

AND I'M NOT...
[CLUCKING] TO ADMIT IT.

MICHAEL, WOULD YOU
AND... THIS LEAVE TOGETHER?

DICK, I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT VISITING
MY UNDER-THE-WEATHER BLONDE.

STEPH?

[STEPHANIE] HI, MICHAEL!

GET WELL, CUPCAKE.

THANK YOU!

THAT'S IT?

OF COURSE. STEPHANIE
AND I MADE A PACT

NEVER TO SEE EACH
OTHER IN TIMES OF ILLNESS,

DOLDRUMS, OR SKIN ERUPTIONS.

WELL, GOTTA SCOOT.

UH, MICHAEL, YOU...
YOU FORGOT THE VITA.

SEE YOU AT THE STUDIO.

GEE, DICK, THAT'S NICE.

IS THAT THE AWARD YOU COULD WIN
IF YOU SHOWED MORE PERSONALITY?

YEAH.

YOU LOOK GOOD
HOLDING THAT, HONEY.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT THIS AWARD.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN IT.

I-I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT IT.

OKAY.

I'M GONNA MAKE SOME
SOUP FOR STEPHANIE.

YOU WANT SOME, GEORGE? SURE.

HOW ABOUT YOU,
DICK? IT'S CHICKEN.

I AM NOT.

HI.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

I'M LARRY. THIS IS
MY BROTHER DARRYL,

AND THIS IS MY OTHER
BROTHER DARRYL.

I KNOW.

WE HEARD MISS STEPHANIE'S
WHITE CORPUSCLES

WERE BATTLING FOR THE SUPREMACY

OF HER LOVELY INNARDS.

THAT... THAT'S THE SCUTTLEBUTT.

SO WE'RE HERE TO CHEER HER UP.

HEY, AIN'T THAT ONE
OF THOSE VITA AWARDS?

YES. YES, IT IS.

YOU DIDN'T GET THAT
FOR YOUR SHOW?

NO.

[SIGHS] WOW.

WELL, WHAT A SURPRISE.

LET ME, UH...

LET ME PINCH MYSELF
FOR A MOMENT.

A LITTLE, UH... A
LITTLE PIECE OF THIS

BELONGS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

I'D LIKE TO THANK MY
VERMONT TODAY CREW,

THOSE WACKEDY-WACKEDY GUYS.

I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY WIFE, JOANNA,

WITHOUT WHOM I'D ONLY
BE A TALENTED... BACHELOR.

[LAUGHING]

AND TO THE OTHER
NOMINEES, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY...

YOU'RE ALL WINNERS.

EXCEPT YOU, WALT BLEDSOE.

YOU'RE A JERK!

WOW.

HANDYMAN OF THE YEAR.

UH, I'D JUST LIKE TO
THANK... [SNEEZES]

BLESS YOU, MISS STEPHANIE.

DARRYL, A LADY JUST SNEEZED.

OH, THAT'S OKAY.

MISS STEPHANIE,

WE'D RATHER SLOW DANCE
WITH A CRANKY GRIZZLY

THAN SEE YOU LAID UP LIKE THIS.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE
GONNA DO FOR YOU

WHAT OUR DADDY DONE FOR US
WHEN WE WAS FEELING POORLY.

[GASPS] A PUPPET SHOW!

IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY
TO CHEER UP A SICK ROOM?

HI.

I THOUGHT, UH,

I'D STOP IN TO SEE IF
YOU NEEDED ANYTHING...

BROUGHT TO YOU OR... TAKEN AWAY.

NOT NOW, DICK.

THEY'RE ABOUT TO
DO A PUPPET SHOW.

AH.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN
THE KINGDOM OF ANTS,

THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL
PRINCESS WHO HAD A COLD.

A-ACHOO!

NEARBY LIVED A FINE YOUNG ANT...

WHO LOVED THE PRINCESS.

AND THE PRINCESS,
IF TRUTH BE TOLD,

HAD EYES FOR HIM.

ABOUT 12 OF THEM.

BUT HER FATHER, THE KING, SAID,

"HOLD ON. YOU CAN'T
MARRY MY DAUGHTER

"UNTIL YOU RID THE
KINGDOM OF THIS BIG EYESORE

OF A RUBBER TREE."

OHH.

AT FIRST, THE ANT WAS
AFRAID TO EVEN TRY.

FOR HE KNEW

HE DID NOT HAVE A SPINE
LIKE THE HIGHER VERTEBRATES.

BUT THE PRINCESS
WAS SUCH A LOOKER

THAT HE DECIDED TO
GIVE IT A SHAKE ANYWAY.

HIT IT, DARRYL.

[MAN] ♪ JUST WHAT MAKES
THAT LITTLE OLE ANT ♪

♪ THINK HE'LL MOVE THAT
RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪ ANYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T ♪

♪ MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

[MAN, CHILDREN] ♪ BUT
HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪

♪ HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE PIE ♪

♪ IN THE SKY HOPES ♪

[MAN] ♪ SO ANY TIME
YOU'RE GETTIN' LOW ♪

♪ 'STEAD OF LETTIN' GO ♪

♪ JUST REMEMBER THAT ANT ♪

♪ OOPS, THERE GOES
ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

[CHILDREN] ♪ OOPS, THERE
GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE ♪

[MAN, CHILDREN] ♪ OOPS, THERE
GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪

♪♪ [MUSIC ENDS]

[CHUCKLES]

I WANT IT.

WHAT?

I WANT THAT VITA.

W-WHERE DID DICK GO?

THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO START.

[MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE]
AND NOW, VERMONT TODAY,

STARRING DICK LOUDON,
WITH TODAY'S GUEST,

LIBRARIAN ELSA CARRUTHERS.

BOY, HAVE WE GOT A
SHOW FOR YOU TODAY.

WELL, LET'S... LET'S
JUMP RIGHT INTO IT.

TELL US, ELSA, WHEN
DID YOU FIRST DISCOVER

THE DEWEY DECIMAL
SYSTEM SUCKS WHEN?

I WAS FILING A BOOK
ON OPHTHALMOLOGY

INTO THE 600 SECTION,

WHEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME:

THERE HAS GOT TO
BE A BETTER WAY.

AND THAT'S WHEN I DEVELOPED
MY CATALOGING SYSTEM.

SO FAR, THOUGH, I'VE MET
WITH NOTHING BUT RESISTANCE.

DAMN IT!

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT
ALWAYS THE WAY?

WHY DO ALL OUR TRUE
PIONEERS GET THE SHAFT?

ACTUALLY, ALL I'VE GOTTEN

ARE A FEW POLITE REJECTIONS.

WELL, I DON'T CARE.
THAT KIND OF THING

BURNS MY TAIL.

WHAT'S WITH DICK?

EITHER A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE,

OR HE'S GOING FOR
THAT NOMINATION.

EITHER WAY, IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT.

IT'S IRONIC THAT LIBRARIANS,

OF ALL PEOPLE, CAN'T SEE
THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL.

[LAUGHING HILARIOUSLY]

[STOMPING FEET]

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

AND THEY SAY LIBRARIANS
ARE PRIM AND STODGY.

LET ME TELL YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THIS IS A FUNNY LADY.

WOW. AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

OKAY, IF HE'S GOING
FOR A NOMINATION,

I'M GOING FOR A NOMINATION.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

LOOKS LIKE WHAT DICK'S GOING
FOR HERE IS A NOMINATION.

I MAY BE ALONE IN THIS,

BUT I'M GOING FOR ONE TOO.

[ELSA] AND THE DEWEY
DECIMAL SYSTEM

IS ESPECIALLY
DIFFICULT FOR CHILDREN.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES

CHILDREN HAVE COME
UP TO ME CONFUSED,

NEEDING ASSISTANCE.

I'M, UH... I'M SORRY. UH...

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S...

IT'S ONE THING FOR...
FOR US ADULTS, BUT...

[SIGHS] I MEAN, WHEN KI...

[VOICE BREAKING UP]
WHEN KIDS HAVE TO SUFFER...

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE NEVER SEEN
DICK ACTING SO...

WEIRD. YEAH.

[DICK CRYING]

I WISH LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL

WOULD COME BACK
WITH THEIR PUPPETS.

YOU KNOW, OUR DISCUSSION
TODAY RELATES TO...

SOME PRETTY HEAVY
ISSUES IN... IN MY OWN LIFE.

BOOKS HAVE ALWAYS HAD

A SPECIAL MEANING TO ME.

[CLACKING]

I REMEMBER GO...
GOING TO THE LIBRARY...

WHEN... WHEN I WAS A KID.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I'M NOT SURE.

[PHONE RINGING]

AW, COME ON.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON.

I'M... I'M... I'M SURE...

I'M SURE IT WILL STOP
IMMEDIATELY! [ECHOING]

A... ALL RIGHT. CUT...

CUT IT OUT! [ECHOING]

I MEAN IT! [ECHOING]

BOY, THIS IS BAD,
BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD.

[RINGING CONTINUES]
I WANT EVERYTHING

BACK TO NORMAL. [ECHOING]

NOW! [RINGING STOPS]

[J.J. OVER SPEAKER DEVICE]
ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!

[COUGHING]

ARE... ARE YOU ALL
RIGHT, MRS. CARRUTHERS?

I THINK SO. [COUGHING]

I THINK I... I THINK
I SEE THAT OUR...

THAT OUR TIME IS UP.

UH, BEFORE WE GO,
I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

TO... TO MY GUEST, UH...

MRS. CARRUTHERS, I'M SORRY WE
DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK MORE...

WHO CARES?

JUST PLEASE LET THIS END.

RIGHT. UH...

I'D LIKE... I'D LIKE TO
APOLOGIZE TO YOU

FOR WHAT YOU'VE...
YOU'VE JUST SEEN HERE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT
CARRIED AWAY HERE TODAY.

I'M, UH, ESPECIALLY
EMBARRASSED...

FOR... FOR MY PERFORMANCE,

WHICH CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED

AS BOZO THE HOST.

I... I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS...

THIS WILL... WILL
NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

[LOUD CRACKLE]

[MAN'S VOICE] MEOW.