Newhart (1982–1990): Season 3, Episode 19 - Out with the New, Inn with the Old - full transcript
♪♪ [THEME MUSIC]
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY THE PREVIOUS OWNERS
DIDN'T TAKE THIS WITH THEM
WHEN THEY LEFT THE INN.
YEAH, COULD THEY
HAVE BEEN THINKING?
BOY, WE HAVE SO MUCH
JUNK TO GET RID OF.
IT RAINS EVERY TIME
I HAVE A YARD SALE.
HONEY, IT DOESN'T ALWAYS RAIN.
WHAT ABOUT THE
YARD SALE YOU HAD...
WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT THE TIME...
NOW, BY RAIN, ARE
YOU INCLUDING HAIL?
OH, STEPHANIE, GOOD.
LISTEN, KEEP SATURDAY OPEN.
WE'RE GONNA NEED YOUR
HELP AT THE YARD SALE.
YARD SALE?
JOANNA, WOMEN WITH
BUNIONS AND VARICOSE VEINS
BUYING EACH OTHERS' CLOTHES?
IN A WAY.
I JUST DROVE PAST ONE ONCE
AND STARTED TO HYPERVENTILATE.
I DIDN'T RELAX UNTIL
I REACHED A MILE.
STEPHANIE, I PROMISE YOU,
AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DISTRESS,
WE'LL RUSH YOU TO A
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WON'T GEORGE BE BACK FROM
HIS VACATION IN TIME TO DO IT?
HE'S BRED FOR
THAT KIND OF STUFF.
GEORGE WILL BE BACK,
BUT I STILL NEED YOU.
FINE, JOANNA.
WHAT NEXT?
TIE ME UP AND DRAG
ME OFF TO A SWAP MEET?
COME ON, DICK, WE'VE GOT A
LOT MORE STUFF TO GET DOWN.
HONEY, THERE COULD BE
VALUABLE STUFF IN HERE.
OH WOW.
SHOE TREES.
HI, I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER, DARYL.
AND THIS IS MY OTHER
BROTHER, DARYL.
HI, FELLAS.
MS. JOANNA, RUMOR HAS IT
THAT YOU'RE CONDUCTING
A YARD SALE SATURDAY.
AND WE WAS WONDERING
IF WE COULD SELL
SOME OF OUR UNUSABLES.
LIKE...
LIKE WHAT?
WELL, DARYL HAS A WHOLE
STACK OF THEM ROMANCE NOVELS.
HE'S JUST A SLAVE TO
THEM HARLEQUIN PEOPLE.
OTHER THAN THAT, JUST
ASSORTED ODDS AND ENDS.
WELL, I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
YET.
MUCH OBLIGED.
HERE'S SOMETHING VALUABLE.
A WOODCUT DATED 1780.
IT'S THE STRATFORD.
YEAH, IT'S OUR FRONT PORCH.
THAT'S OUR WEATHER VANE.
THAT'S OUR CARRIAGE HOUSE.
YOU MEAN WHERE OUR GARAGE IS?
IT'S THE SAME BUILDING.
IT USED TO BE A CARRIAGE HOUSE.
HUH.
- SAY.
- OH... OH, NO.
NO, I KNOW THAT LOOK.
THAT'S YOUR
RENOVATE-OR-BUST LOOK.
- HONEY...
- NO, DICK.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
WHAT WE WENT THROUGH
RENOVATING THIS INN?
THE FOUR MONTHS THAT WE
SPENT SPATTERED WITH PAINT,
HAGGLING OVER ANTIQUES,
BREATHING TOXIC FUMES,
AND LEAVING PLASTER
FOOTPRINTS WHEREVER WE WENT?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I
WAS GOING TO SAY
WE COULD HANG IT
OVER THE FIREPLACE.
BUT...
GEE, I KIND OF LIKE THAT
RENOVATION IDEA OF YOURS.
GENERAL LOUDON,
YOUR STEED IS READY.
THANK YOU, EZEKIEL.
THERE'S A FARTHING
FOR YOUR TROUBLE.
TELL GENERAL WASHINGTON
NOT TO BE CONCERNED.
GENERAL LOUDON IS ON HIS WAY.
OH, GENERAL.
I'M A SUCKER FOR A MAN
IN AN IMAGINARY UNIFORM.
HI, HONEY.
I SAW YOU DRIVE
UP. WHAT'S ALL THIS?
OH, I... I WENT TO
DETWEILER'S ANTIQUES
AND PICKED OUT SOME...
SOME ACCESSORIES
FOR THE CARRIAGE HOUSE.
HE GAVE ME A BIG DISCOUNT.
DETWEILER NEVER GIVES DISCOUNTS.
HE DOES WHEN YOU BUY IN VOLUME.
GEORGE! WELCOME BACK.
- AWW.
- HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
OH, THE FISHING WAS TERRIFIC.
AND FUN. YOU KNOW
MY FRIEND DUTCH,
THE PRACTICAL JOKER?
YEAH, I'M FAMILIAR
WITH HIS WORK.
WELL, HE GOT US AGAIN.
HE DRILLED A HOLE IN
THE BOTTOM OF THE BOAT.
LAUGH? WE THOUGHT WE'D DROWN.
THAT DUTCH.
YEAH, HE'S THE
EINSTEIN OF SILLY.
WELL, I'D BETTER GET
BACK TO TAGGING THINGS
FOR THE YARD SALE. BYE, GEORGE.
- WHAT'S THIS STUFF?
- OH, GEORGE, YOU'RE GONNA
BE EXCITED.
WELL, IT'LL BE HARD TO TOP
THAT HOLE IN THE
BOAT, BUT GO FOR IT.
GEORGE. WE'RE GONNA
TAKE THIS GARAGE.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA
PUT HAND-CARVED,
SWINGING DOORS OVER THERE.
WE'RE GONNA PUT BACK THE
HORSE STALLS OVER THERE.
AND WE'RE GONNA
REPLACE THIS WALL
WITH MORE SWINGING DOORS
AND TURN THIS PLACE BACK
INTO THE 18th CENTURY
CARRIAGE HOUSE
THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE.
- WHOA.
- WELL,
- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.
- DICK,
HOW CAN YOU PUT A DOOR IN HERE?
MY WORK BENCH
WILL BLOCK THE WAY.
NO, IT WON'T, GEORGE,
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA BUILD
A WHOLE NEW WORK SHED OUT BACK
WITH A WHOLE NEW WORK BENCH.
BUT DICK, RIGHT
NOW, ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS COME DOWNSTAIRS
AND, BOOM, I'M AT WORK.
I DON'T WANT TO START COMMUTING.
WELL, WE'LL SEE IF WE CAN'T
ORGANIZE YOU A CARPOOL.
DICK, ALL THIS RENOVATING
SOUNDS LIKE TOO
BIG A JOB FOR US.
WELL, I'M WAY AHEAD
OF YOU, GEORGE.
I ADDED A THIRD
MAN. HARLEY ESTIN.
HARLEY?
COME ON. I LIKE HIM,
BUT HE'S LOST MORE
JOBS THAN HE'S HAD.
I KNOW, GEORGE.
I FIRED HIM ONCE MYSELF.
I GUESS WE ALL HAVE.
BUT HOW MUCH SKILL DOES IT TAKE
TO KNOCK OUT STUFF LIKE THIS?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TAKE OUT THE STUCCO?
GEORGE, IT DOESN'T BELONG.
YOU CAN'T REWRITE HISTORY.
I MEAN, PAUL REVERE DIDN'T MAKE
HIS MIDNIGHT RIDE ON A MOPED.
AND GEORGE
WASHINGTON DIDN'T THROW
A SCENIC CHECK
ACROSS THE POTOMAC.
I MEAN, STUCCO
JUST DOESN'T BELONG
IN AN AUTHENTIC 18th
CENTURY CARRIAGE HOUSE.
WELL, IT'S YOUR INN.
BUT WHY STOP AT 200 YEARS AGO?
WHY NOT RESTORE IT TO
WHAT IT WAS EVEN EARLIER?
A GLACIER.
OH, GUESS WHAT?
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
SURPRISES FOR ONE DAY.
SOMETHING BOTHERING HIM?
WELL, I TOLD GEORGE ABOUT
THE PLANS FOR THE RENOVATION.
YOU KNOW GEORGE.
HE HATES CHANGES.
I NEVER NOTICED THAT.
WELL, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW
HE STOPPED EATING RAISIN BRAN
WHEN THEY ADDED MORE RAISINS?
HE CLAIMED THE EXTRA SCOOP
THREW IT OUT OF PROPORTION.
BUT HE CAME AROUND.
NO, HE DIDN'T. HE
SWITCHED TO CORN FLAKES.
THEN HE'S COPING.
WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
OH, THINGS LOOK GOOD
FOR TOMORROW'S YARD SALE.
TOMORROW. SUNNY
AND MILD. THAT'S GREAT.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
OKAY, THIS IS THE LAST OF IT.
BOY, DID YOU EVER SEE A
STORM COME UP THAT FAST?
YES.
THIS PLATE IS MARKED 50 CENTS.
BUT IT'S CRACKED. WILL
YOU TAKE A QUARTER?
WELL, OKAY. CASH OR CHARGE?
THANK YOU.
ENJOY YOUR NEW DAMAGED GOOD.
HI, STEPHANIE.
MICHAEL! WHAT'S ALL THIS?
OH NO.
DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
FLEA MARKETEERS.
BITE THAT LOVELY TONGUE, STEPH.
I'M NOT HERE TO
BUY THIS BRIC-A-BRAC,
JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THOSE WHO DO.
MICHAEL, IF THIS IS SOME
TEST OF MY AFFECTIONS,
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GOING
TO BE DISAPPOINTED.
BUT CUPCAKE, THINK
OF THE SHOPPING SPREE
WE COULD HAVE WITH THE PROCEEDS.
THERE'S A GOOD PLACE
TO SET UP OVER THERE.
NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME,
MY POCKETS WILL BE LINED
WITH UNREPORTED INCOME.
STEPHANIE?
I NEED YOU OVER HERE.
NO.
COULDN'T BE.
[STEPHANIE GASPS]
OH MY GOD.
A TRUDEAU ORIGINAL.
THAT HAS KNOWN ANOTHER BODY.
WELL, THAT CERTAINLY
CAUGHT YOUR EYE.
CLOTHING ABUSE
ALWAYS CATCHES MY EYE.
WHEN A DRESS LIKE THIS
ENDS UP ON A WIRE HANGER,
HOW CAN WE CALL
OURSELVES CIVILIZED?
- WHAT IS THIS?
- WHITTLING ART.
IT LOOKS LIKE A POINTY STICK.
WELL, STARTED OUT TO BE A CHAIR,
BUT DARYL KIND OF OVERWORKED IT.
THIS... THIS MOOD RING
SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON GREEN.
WELL, OF COURSE.
IF IT CHANGED COLOR, EVERYONE
WOULD KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT A
BUNCH OF STRANGERS
SNOOPING AROUND
INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
- I'LL TAKE IT.
- GREAT.
OH, GEORGE, HARLEY'S HERE.
IT'S TIME TO GET STARTED
ON THE CARRIAGE HOUSE.
OH, I CAN'T, DICK.
JOANNA NEEDS ME HERE.
I'M VERY BUSY. CAN I HELP YOU?
HOW MUCH ARE THESE COASTERS?
JOANNA, HOW MUCH
ARE THE COASTERS?
UM, A DOLLAR.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS ALL DAY.
STEPHANIE, WHY DON'T
YOU TRY THE DRESS ON?
YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE IT.
I DO NOT LOVE IT.
I JUST FEEL SORRY FOR IT.
OH, HI, HARLEY.
HI, BOSS.
UH, BEFORE WE START, I
JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO
YOU FOR GIVING ME A JOB
IN THIS CHALLENGING
FIELD OF HELPING YOU OUT.
HARLEY, WHY DON'T YOU
BRING THE TOOL BOX OVER HERE,
AND WE'LL GET STARTED.
AM I FIRED?
- NO, NO, HARLEY.
- PHEW.
I COULD'VE SWORN I LATCHED THAT.
I DON'T LIKE TO
BRAG, BUT LATCHING'S
KIND OF A SPECIALTY OF MINE.
HARLEY, WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU
PLANS I DREW UP ON WHAT WE'RE
TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH HERE.
WE'RE... WE'RE GONNA BE TURNING
THIS ORDINARY
GARAGE BACK INTO...
THE BEAUTIFUL OLD CARRIAGE
HOUSE IT WAS 200 YEARS AGO.
OKAY BY ME.
ALL RIGHT. SO WHY DON'T WE START
BY MOVING THE WORKBENCH
AWAY FROM THE WALL?
I'M ON IT.
KIND OF A LOW ONE, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, MAYBE THAT'S
WHY GEORGE IS ALWAYS
COMPLAINING ABOUT BACK ACHES.
ALL RIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE. LIFT!
OOH!
I SEE WHAT HE MEANS.
OH, LET'S SEE, IT'S BOLTED DOWN.
UM...
GET ME THE HEXAGONAL
WRENCH IN THE TOOL BOX.
YEAH, I'M ON IT.
HEXAGONAL WRENCH,
HEXAGONAL WRENCH.
HEXAGONAL WRENCH.
NOPE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOPE?"
I PUT IT IN THERE MYSELF
- THIS MORNING.
- AM I FIRED?
NO, HARLEY, I...
WE'LL USE THE CRESCENT
WRENCH INSTEAD.
GOOD IDEA. CRESCENT
WRENCH, CRESCENT WRENCH.
CRESCENT WRENCH.
- NOPE.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
HOW ABOUT A NICE PAIR OF PLIERS?
OKAY.
NOPE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- UH...
- NO, HARLEY, YOU'RE NOT FIRED.
IF YOU SAY THE
TOOLS AREN'T IN THERE,
THEN THEY AREN'T IN THERE.
PHEW. THANKS, BOSS.
MAYBE I'D BETTER HAVE A LOOK.
OH, HI, GEORGE. HOW'S IT GOING?
WELL, THE CONVERSATION'S GOOD,
AND THE HOURS AREN'T BAD.
GEORGE, WHERE'S THE WRENCH?
- WHICH ONE, DICK?
- ANY ONE.
SHOULD BE RIGHT IN THAT TOOLBOX.
OH, WE'VE CHECKED OUT
ALL THE "SHOULD-BE'S."
WHAT WE NEED NOW IS AN "IS."
SORRY I COULDN'T HELP.
JOANNA WANTED ME
TO GET MORE TAPE
BEFORE SHE RUNS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON
AND GET TO THE PANELING.
WE'LL BE LAYING IT ON
THE SAWHORSES TO CUT.
SAWHORSES, HUH? YOU
KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I USED TO GET ON THOSE AND
PRETEND THEY WERE REAL HORSES.
WHAT... WHAT AN IMAGINATION.
HARLEY, HOLD IT
STEADY. ARE YOU READY?
LET'S MAKE SAWDUST.
USUALLY WHEN I DO THIS,
THERE ARE TWO PIECES.
THINK IT NEEDS A NEW BLADE?
A BLADE WOULD HELP.
BOY. DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING
THERE'S AN OUTSIDE FORCE
WORKING AGAINST YOU?
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
HI, HOW'S IT COMING?
WELL, THE CONVERSATION'S
GOOD, AND THE HOURS AREN'T BAD.
UH, I'M GONNA SEE IF I CAN
HUNT UP THAT NEW SAW BLADE.
YEAH, IT'S GOING
GREAT. IN A FEW DAYS,
WE SHOULD HAVE
THIS GARAGE LOOKING
EXACTLY LIKE IT IS.
DICK, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE
HAVE ASKED IF YOU'VE GOT
ANY MORE OF THESE DRILL BITS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
THESE? THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE.
WHY NOT? THEY WERE
WITH THE OTHER TOOLS.
YOU'RE SELLING MY TOOLS.
LIKE HOTCAKES.
COME ON. HARLEY, I'LL BE BACK.
OKAY. AND WHILE THE CAT'S AWAY,
THIS MOUSE IS GONNA
WORK LIKE A BANSHEE.
I'M SORRY, IF YOU BUY
THE SOAP ON A ROPE.
YOU HAVE TO BUY THE
STEERING WHEEL COVER.
I CAN'T BREAK UP THE SET.
OH.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
YOUR SALES VOLUME SEEMS
TO HAVE OUTSTRIPPED OURS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
IT IS, LOCATION?
ACTUALLY, FELLAS, IT'S
MORE A MATTER OF TECHNIQUE.
WATCH.
MY GOODNESS. A
PRE-COLUMBIAN ART FOR $10?
THESE THREE MUST NOT
KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE.
I WISH MY WIFE WAS HERE
WITH THE CHECKBOOK.
HONEY?
UH, I'LL TAKE IT.
HERE'S $10.
- SORRY.
- ALL RIGHT, 20.
NO, MA'AM.
YOU'VE BEEN LED DOWN
THE PATH OF DECEPTION.
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO THAT, BUT IT AIN'T
NO PRE-COLUMBIAN NOTHING.
WELL, WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A GALLSTONE FROM A BEAR.
WELL, THEY'RE REAL
HARD TO COME BY.
LOOK AWFUL NICE ON
YOUR WHATNOT SHELF.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS. I SET IT UP.
YOU DIDN'T CLOSE. THAT'S
NOT GOOD BUSINESS.
WE JUST COULDN'T. WHAT
YOU SAID WAS DISHONEST.
GOOD BUSINESS? DISHONEST?
"TO-MAY-TO, TO-MAH-TO."
MY PLIERS?
MY SAW BLADE?
I... I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
THE COMPLETE SOCKET
WRENCH SET FOR 15 CENTS?
HEY, I'LL TAKE THOSE.
THE HELL YOU WILL.
UM, I'D LIKE TO BUY THIS.
- OH, YOU WOULD?
- UH-HUH.
OH, YOU...
MUST BE ONE OF THE LUCKY
FEW WHO CAN HANDLE THIS STYLE.
IT MAKES MOST WOMEN LOOK
LIKE THEY'RE RETAINING FLUID.
- IT DOES?
- THE MOST INSIDIOUS THING
IS THE WAY IT ROBS YOU OF
ANY TRACE OF A BUST LINE.
UH, MAYBE I'LL MULL
THIS OVER A LITTLE BIT.
OH, DEAR. I HOPE IT
WASN'T ANYTHING I SAID.
MY PIPE WRENCH FOR FIVE CENTS?
WELL, DICK, IF YOU
DIDN'T PUT PRICE TAGS
ON THESE THINGS, WHO DID?
OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE WITH
NO HEAD FOR BUSINESS.
I MEAN, IT'S ALMOST AS
THOUGH SOMEONE WERE
TRYING TO STOP ME FROM... WAIT.
UTLEY?
DICK.
GEORGE, YOU HAVE A
LOT OF EXPLAINING TO...
THAT... THAT ISN'T FOR SALE.
MR. LOUDON. YOU ARE
DISPLAYING THINGS IN YOUR LOBBY.
IF YOU SELL THEM, IT'S A SALE.
IF YOU DO NOT SELL
THEM, IT'S A MUSEUM.
I HATE MUSEUMS.
I DON'T CARE.
GEORGE, SOMEONE IS TRYING
TO SABOTAGE THE RENOVATIONS.
NOW, YOU HAD THE MEANS,
THE MOTIVE, THE OPPORTUNITY,
AND THE KEYS TO THE GARAGE.
WAS IT YOU, GEORGE?
MAYBE.
GEORGE, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
IT'S IMPORTANT THAT THE GARAGE
BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
NOW STOP FIGHTING IT.
WOW. LOOK AT THIS.
DRILL BITS, SAW BLADES.
THIS PLACE IS A TREASURE TROVE.
ALL THE TOOLS WE NEED.
AND CHEAP TOO.
HARLEY. GO AWAY.
- AM I FIRED?
- NO.
OH, THEN IT'S A BREAK.
GEORGE?
[PEOPLE GASP, CLAMOR]
HOW'S THAT FOR
HISTORICAL ACCURACY, DICK?
NO LIGHTS, NO HEAT.
WELCOME TO THE 18th CENTURY.
GEORGE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
JUST FIX THE PLACE UP YOUR WAY.
NEVER MIND HOW I FEEL.
WELL, I... I DO CARE.
I REALLY WANT YOUR
BLESSING ON THIS.
YOU MEAN, IF I DON'T
GIVE YOU MY BLESSING,
YOU WON'T GO THROUGH WITH IT?
NO... I'LL DO IT,
BUT I'LL FEEL BAD.
THANKS A LOT.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE
RAISIN BRAIN PEOPLE SAID.
GEORGE, YOU'RE GONNA
LOVE THE NEW WORK SHED.
I MEAN, FOR ONE THING,
IT'LL HAVE A BENCH
THAT WASN'T BUILT
FOR A MUNCHKIN.
MY DAD DIDN'T BUILD
IT FOR A MUNCHKIN.
HE BUILT IT FOR A KID.
ME.
OH, THAT'S WHY IT'S SO LOW.
DICK, DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT THIS MEANS?
YEAH, IT MEANS YOU'RE
GONNA TAKE HIS SIDE.
NOT REALLY.
I JUST REALIZED THIS IS
WHERE GEORGE GREW UP.
THIS WAS HIS... HIS...
- REFUGE.
- REFUGE.
IT'S FULL OF HIS...
- MEMORIES.
- MEMORIES.
MORE THAN A
REFUGE, THIS WAS HIS...
REAL NEAT PLACE.
GEORGE, I CAN
HANDLE IT FROM HERE.
THE POINT IS, DICK,
THAT THIS GARAGE
IS A PIECE OF GEORGE'S HISTORY.
YOU WANNA TALK HISTORY?
I'M NOT DOING THIS JUST FOR ME.
I'M... I'M DOING
THIS FOR AMERICA.
I MEAN, ONE MAN PRESERVING
ONE PIECE OF OUR GREAT
AMERICAN HERITAGE.
BESIDES, I REALLY
WANT A CARRIAGE HOUSE.
WELL, IT'S YOUR INN.
GREAT. THEN IT'S SETTLED.
MAYBE BEFORE YOU
RIP ALL THIS DOWN,
YOU COULD TAKE A
PICTURE OF THE NOTCHES
IN THIS POST FOR ME.
I'D LIKE TO REMEMBER HOW
TALL I WAS WHEN I WAS SIX.
HE WAS SIX.
BUT LOOK AT THESE ARCHWAYS.
I MEAN, UH...
MEN IN BREACHES AND WHITE WIGS
USED TO STAND UNDER
THESE AND SAY THINGS LIKE...
"YE" AND... "FORSOOTH."
AND... AND "BREACHES."
AND WHEN I WAS JUST THREE.
GEORGE, LET... LET ME SEE
IF I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.
THE CLOSEST I'M GONNA COME
TO RELIVING HISTORY
IS... IS BY PRESERVING
A BUILDING.
LIKE THIS COULD BE.
GEORGE, I LOVE HISTORY.
HISTORY IS... IS THE
GREAT JOY OF MY LIFE.
ONE... ONE OF THE
GREAT JOYS OF MY LIFE.
ONE OF THE TOP THREE JOYS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, DICK.
THIS IS WHERE I
VISIT MY HISTORY.
SOMETIMES I WALK IN.
AND I CAN SEE MY DAD HAMMERING.
SOME NAILS DANGLING
OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND WINKS.
HE SAYS SOMETHING.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
HIM. HE'S GOT THOSE NAILS
HANGING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
BUT WELL, WHAT THE HECK.
EVERYTHING CHANGES.
AND IT IS YOUR INN.
WELL, I... I MAY
OWN THE INN, BUT...
I GUESS IT BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE
WHO HAVE MEMORIES HERE.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE IT?
NOT A STICK.
DICK, I'M SORRY YOU
NEVER MET MY DAD.
HE WOULD'VE LIKED YOU.
ALL SET, FELLAS.
I JUST WANTED TO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO THANK YOU FOR
THE FAITH YOU'VE SHOWN
IN NOT FIRING ME.
OKAY, LET'S START RENOVATING.
UH, HARLEY?
♪♪ [THEME MUSIC]
WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY THE PREVIOUS OWNERS
DIDN'T TAKE THIS WITH THEM
WHEN THEY LEFT THE INN.
YEAH, COULD THEY
HAVE BEEN THINKING?
BOY, WE HAVE SO MUCH
JUNK TO GET RID OF.
IT RAINS EVERY TIME
I HAVE A YARD SALE.
HONEY, IT DOESN'T ALWAYS RAIN.
WHAT ABOUT THE
YARD SALE YOU HAD...
WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT THE TIME...
NOW, BY RAIN, ARE
YOU INCLUDING HAIL?
OH, STEPHANIE, GOOD.
LISTEN, KEEP SATURDAY OPEN.
WE'RE GONNA NEED YOUR
HELP AT THE YARD SALE.
YARD SALE?
JOANNA, WOMEN WITH
BUNIONS AND VARICOSE VEINS
BUYING EACH OTHERS' CLOTHES?
IN A WAY.
I JUST DROVE PAST ONE ONCE
AND STARTED TO HYPERVENTILATE.
I DIDN'T RELAX UNTIL
I REACHED A MILE.
STEPHANIE, I PROMISE YOU,
AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DISTRESS,
WE'LL RUSH YOU TO A
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WON'T GEORGE BE BACK FROM
HIS VACATION IN TIME TO DO IT?
HE'S BRED FOR
THAT KIND OF STUFF.
GEORGE WILL BE BACK,
BUT I STILL NEED YOU.
FINE, JOANNA.
WHAT NEXT?
TIE ME UP AND DRAG
ME OFF TO A SWAP MEET?
COME ON, DICK, WE'VE GOT A
LOT MORE STUFF TO GET DOWN.
HONEY, THERE COULD BE
VALUABLE STUFF IN HERE.
OH WOW.
SHOE TREES.
HI, I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER, DARYL.
AND THIS IS MY OTHER
BROTHER, DARYL.
HI, FELLAS.
MS. JOANNA, RUMOR HAS IT
THAT YOU'RE CONDUCTING
A YARD SALE SATURDAY.
AND WE WAS WONDERING
IF WE COULD SELL
SOME OF OUR UNUSABLES.
LIKE...
LIKE WHAT?
WELL, DARYL HAS A WHOLE
STACK OF THEM ROMANCE NOVELS.
HE'S JUST A SLAVE TO
THEM HARLEQUIN PEOPLE.
OTHER THAN THAT, JUST
ASSORTED ODDS AND ENDS.
WELL, I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
YET.
MUCH OBLIGED.
HERE'S SOMETHING VALUABLE.
A WOODCUT DATED 1780.
IT'S THE STRATFORD.
YEAH, IT'S OUR FRONT PORCH.
THAT'S OUR WEATHER VANE.
THAT'S OUR CARRIAGE HOUSE.
YOU MEAN WHERE OUR GARAGE IS?
IT'S THE SAME BUILDING.
IT USED TO BE A CARRIAGE HOUSE.
HUH.
- SAY.
- OH... OH, NO.
NO, I KNOW THAT LOOK.
THAT'S YOUR
RENOVATE-OR-BUST LOOK.
- HONEY...
- NO, DICK.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
WHAT WE WENT THROUGH
RENOVATING THIS INN?
THE FOUR MONTHS THAT WE
SPENT SPATTERED WITH PAINT,
HAGGLING OVER ANTIQUES,
BREATHING TOXIC FUMES,
AND LEAVING PLASTER
FOOTPRINTS WHEREVER WE WENT?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I
WAS GOING TO SAY
WE COULD HANG IT
OVER THE FIREPLACE.
BUT...
GEE, I KIND OF LIKE THAT
RENOVATION IDEA OF YOURS.
GENERAL LOUDON,
YOUR STEED IS READY.
THANK YOU, EZEKIEL.
THERE'S A FARTHING
FOR YOUR TROUBLE.
TELL GENERAL WASHINGTON
NOT TO BE CONCERNED.
GENERAL LOUDON IS ON HIS WAY.
OH, GENERAL.
I'M A SUCKER FOR A MAN
IN AN IMAGINARY UNIFORM.
HI, HONEY.
I SAW YOU DRIVE
UP. WHAT'S ALL THIS?
OH, I... I WENT TO
DETWEILER'S ANTIQUES
AND PICKED OUT SOME...
SOME ACCESSORIES
FOR THE CARRIAGE HOUSE.
HE GAVE ME A BIG DISCOUNT.
DETWEILER NEVER GIVES DISCOUNTS.
HE DOES WHEN YOU BUY IN VOLUME.
GEORGE! WELCOME BACK.
- AWW.
- HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?
OH, THE FISHING WAS TERRIFIC.
AND FUN. YOU KNOW
MY FRIEND DUTCH,
THE PRACTICAL JOKER?
YEAH, I'M FAMILIAR
WITH HIS WORK.
WELL, HE GOT US AGAIN.
HE DRILLED A HOLE IN
THE BOTTOM OF THE BOAT.
LAUGH? WE THOUGHT WE'D DROWN.
THAT DUTCH.
YEAH, HE'S THE
EINSTEIN OF SILLY.
WELL, I'D BETTER GET
BACK TO TAGGING THINGS
FOR THE YARD SALE. BYE, GEORGE.
- WHAT'S THIS STUFF?
- OH, GEORGE, YOU'RE GONNA
BE EXCITED.
WELL, IT'LL BE HARD TO TOP
THAT HOLE IN THE
BOAT, BUT GO FOR IT.
GEORGE. WE'RE GONNA
TAKE THIS GARAGE.
NOW, WE'RE GONNA
PUT HAND-CARVED,
SWINGING DOORS OVER THERE.
WE'RE GONNA PUT BACK THE
HORSE STALLS OVER THERE.
AND WE'RE GONNA
REPLACE THIS WALL
WITH MORE SWINGING DOORS
AND TURN THIS PLACE BACK
INTO THE 18th CENTURY
CARRIAGE HOUSE
THAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE.
- WHOA.
- WELL,
- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.
- DICK,
HOW CAN YOU PUT A DOOR IN HERE?
MY WORK BENCH
WILL BLOCK THE WAY.
NO, IT WON'T, GEORGE,
BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA BUILD
A WHOLE NEW WORK SHED OUT BACK
WITH A WHOLE NEW WORK BENCH.
BUT DICK, RIGHT
NOW, ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS COME DOWNSTAIRS
AND, BOOM, I'M AT WORK.
I DON'T WANT TO START COMMUTING.
WELL, WE'LL SEE IF WE CAN'T
ORGANIZE YOU A CARPOOL.
DICK, ALL THIS RENOVATING
SOUNDS LIKE TOO
BIG A JOB FOR US.
WELL, I'M WAY AHEAD
OF YOU, GEORGE.
I ADDED A THIRD
MAN. HARLEY ESTIN.
HARLEY?
COME ON. I LIKE HIM,
BUT HE'S LOST MORE
JOBS THAN HE'S HAD.
I KNOW, GEORGE.
I FIRED HIM ONCE MYSELF.
I GUESS WE ALL HAVE.
BUT HOW MUCH SKILL DOES IT TAKE
TO KNOCK OUT STUFF LIKE THIS?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
TAKE OUT THE STUCCO?
GEORGE, IT DOESN'T BELONG.
YOU CAN'T REWRITE HISTORY.
I MEAN, PAUL REVERE DIDN'T MAKE
HIS MIDNIGHT RIDE ON A MOPED.
AND GEORGE
WASHINGTON DIDN'T THROW
A SCENIC CHECK
ACROSS THE POTOMAC.
I MEAN, STUCCO
JUST DOESN'T BELONG
IN AN AUTHENTIC 18th
CENTURY CARRIAGE HOUSE.
WELL, IT'S YOUR INN.
BUT WHY STOP AT 200 YEARS AGO?
WHY NOT RESTORE IT TO
WHAT IT WAS EVEN EARLIER?
A GLACIER.
OH, GUESS WHAT?
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
SURPRISES FOR ONE DAY.
SOMETHING BOTHERING HIM?
WELL, I TOLD GEORGE ABOUT
THE PLANS FOR THE RENOVATION.
YOU KNOW GEORGE.
HE HATES CHANGES.
I NEVER NOTICED THAT.
WELL, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW
HE STOPPED EATING RAISIN BRAN
WHEN THEY ADDED MORE RAISINS?
HE CLAIMED THE EXTRA SCOOP
THREW IT OUT OF PROPORTION.
BUT HE CAME AROUND.
NO, HE DIDN'T. HE
SWITCHED TO CORN FLAKES.
THEN HE'S COPING.
WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
OH, THINGS LOOK GOOD
FOR TOMORROW'S YARD SALE.
TOMORROW. SUNNY
AND MILD. THAT'S GREAT.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
OKAY, THIS IS THE LAST OF IT.
BOY, DID YOU EVER SEE A
STORM COME UP THAT FAST?
YES.
THIS PLATE IS MARKED 50 CENTS.
BUT IT'S CRACKED. WILL
YOU TAKE A QUARTER?
WELL, OKAY. CASH OR CHARGE?
THANK YOU.
ENJOY YOUR NEW DAMAGED GOOD.
HI, STEPHANIE.
MICHAEL! WHAT'S ALL THIS?
OH NO.
DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
FLEA MARKETEERS.
BITE THAT LOVELY TONGUE, STEPH.
I'M NOT HERE TO
BUY THIS BRIC-A-BRAC,
JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THOSE WHO DO.
MICHAEL, IF THIS IS SOME
TEST OF MY AFFECTIONS,
I'M AFRAID YOU'RE GOING
TO BE DISAPPOINTED.
BUT CUPCAKE, THINK
OF THE SHOPPING SPREE
WE COULD HAVE WITH THE PROCEEDS.
THERE'S A GOOD PLACE
TO SET UP OVER THERE.
NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME,
MY POCKETS WILL BE LINED
WITH UNREPORTED INCOME.
STEPHANIE?
I NEED YOU OVER HERE.
NO.
COULDN'T BE.
[STEPHANIE GASPS]
OH MY GOD.
A TRUDEAU ORIGINAL.
THAT HAS KNOWN ANOTHER BODY.
WELL, THAT CERTAINLY
CAUGHT YOUR EYE.
CLOTHING ABUSE
ALWAYS CATCHES MY EYE.
WHEN A DRESS LIKE THIS
ENDS UP ON A WIRE HANGER,
HOW CAN WE CALL
OURSELVES CIVILIZED?
- WHAT IS THIS?
- WHITTLING ART.
IT LOOKS LIKE A POINTY STICK.
WELL, STARTED OUT TO BE A CHAIR,
BUT DARYL KIND OF OVERWORKED IT.
THIS... THIS MOOD RING
SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON GREEN.
WELL, OF COURSE.
IF IT CHANGED COLOR, EVERYONE
WOULD KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
YOU WOULDN'T WANT A
BUNCH OF STRANGERS
SNOOPING AROUND
INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
- I'LL TAKE IT.
- GREAT.
OH, GEORGE, HARLEY'S HERE.
IT'S TIME TO GET STARTED
ON THE CARRIAGE HOUSE.
OH, I CAN'T, DICK.
JOANNA NEEDS ME HERE.
I'M VERY BUSY. CAN I HELP YOU?
HOW MUCH ARE THESE COASTERS?
JOANNA, HOW MUCH
ARE THE COASTERS?
UM, A DOLLAR.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS ALL DAY.
STEPHANIE, WHY DON'T
YOU TRY THE DRESS ON?
YOU OBVIOUSLY LOVE IT.
I DO NOT LOVE IT.
I JUST FEEL SORRY FOR IT.
OH, HI, HARLEY.
HI, BOSS.
UH, BEFORE WE START, I
JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO
YOU FOR GIVING ME A JOB
IN THIS CHALLENGING
FIELD OF HELPING YOU OUT.
HARLEY, WHY DON'T YOU
BRING THE TOOL BOX OVER HERE,
AND WE'LL GET STARTED.
AM I FIRED?
- NO, NO, HARLEY.
- PHEW.
I COULD'VE SWORN I LATCHED THAT.
I DON'T LIKE TO
BRAG, BUT LATCHING'S
KIND OF A SPECIALTY OF MINE.
HARLEY, WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU
PLANS I DREW UP ON WHAT WE'RE
TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH HERE.
WE'RE... WE'RE GONNA BE TURNING
THIS ORDINARY
GARAGE BACK INTO...
THE BEAUTIFUL OLD CARRIAGE
HOUSE IT WAS 200 YEARS AGO.
OKAY BY ME.
ALL RIGHT. SO WHY DON'T WE START
BY MOVING THE WORKBENCH
AWAY FROM THE WALL?
I'M ON IT.
KIND OF A LOW ONE, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, MAYBE THAT'S
WHY GEORGE IS ALWAYS
COMPLAINING ABOUT BACK ACHES.
ALL RIGHT.
ONE, TWO, THREE. LIFT!
OOH!
I SEE WHAT HE MEANS.
OH, LET'S SEE, IT'S BOLTED DOWN.
UM...
GET ME THE HEXAGONAL
WRENCH IN THE TOOL BOX.
YEAH, I'M ON IT.
HEXAGONAL WRENCH,
HEXAGONAL WRENCH.
HEXAGONAL WRENCH.
NOPE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOPE?"
I PUT IT IN THERE MYSELF
- THIS MORNING.
- AM I FIRED?
NO, HARLEY, I...
WE'LL USE THE CRESCENT
WRENCH INSTEAD.
GOOD IDEA. CRESCENT
WRENCH, CRESCENT WRENCH.
CRESCENT WRENCH.
- NOPE.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
HOW ABOUT A NICE PAIR OF PLIERS?
OKAY.
NOPE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- UH...
- NO, HARLEY, YOU'RE NOT FIRED.
IF YOU SAY THE
TOOLS AREN'T IN THERE,
THEN THEY AREN'T IN THERE.
PHEW. THANKS, BOSS.
MAYBE I'D BETTER HAVE A LOOK.
OH, HI, GEORGE. HOW'S IT GOING?
WELL, THE CONVERSATION'S GOOD,
AND THE HOURS AREN'T BAD.
GEORGE, WHERE'S THE WRENCH?
- WHICH ONE, DICK?
- ANY ONE.
SHOULD BE RIGHT IN THAT TOOLBOX.
OH, WE'VE CHECKED OUT
ALL THE "SHOULD-BE'S."
WHAT WE NEED NOW IS AN "IS."
SORRY I COULDN'T HELP.
JOANNA WANTED ME
TO GET MORE TAPE
BEFORE SHE RUNS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON
AND GET TO THE PANELING.
WE'LL BE LAYING IT ON
THE SAWHORSES TO CUT.
SAWHORSES, HUH? YOU
KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I USED TO GET ON THOSE AND
PRETEND THEY WERE REAL HORSES.
WHAT... WHAT AN IMAGINATION.
HARLEY, HOLD IT
STEADY. ARE YOU READY?
LET'S MAKE SAWDUST.
USUALLY WHEN I DO THIS,
THERE ARE TWO PIECES.
THINK IT NEEDS A NEW BLADE?
A BLADE WOULD HELP.
BOY. DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING
THERE'S AN OUTSIDE FORCE
WORKING AGAINST YOU?
NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT.
HI, HOW'S IT COMING?
WELL, THE CONVERSATION'S
GOOD, AND THE HOURS AREN'T BAD.
UH, I'M GONNA SEE IF I CAN
HUNT UP THAT NEW SAW BLADE.
YEAH, IT'S GOING
GREAT. IN A FEW DAYS,
WE SHOULD HAVE
THIS GARAGE LOOKING
EXACTLY LIKE IT IS.
DICK, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE
HAVE ASKED IF YOU'VE GOT
ANY MORE OF THESE DRILL BITS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
THESE? THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE.
WHY NOT? THEY WERE
WITH THE OTHER TOOLS.
YOU'RE SELLING MY TOOLS.
LIKE HOTCAKES.
COME ON. HARLEY, I'LL BE BACK.
OKAY. AND WHILE THE CAT'S AWAY,
THIS MOUSE IS GONNA
WORK LIKE A BANSHEE.
I'M SORRY, IF YOU BUY
THE SOAP ON A ROPE.
YOU HAVE TO BUY THE
STEERING WHEEL COVER.
I CAN'T BREAK UP THE SET.
OH.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
YOUR SALES VOLUME SEEMS
TO HAVE OUTSTRIPPED OURS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
IT IS, LOCATION?
ACTUALLY, FELLAS, IT'S
MORE A MATTER OF TECHNIQUE.
WATCH.
MY GOODNESS. A
PRE-COLUMBIAN ART FOR $10?
THESE THREE MUST NOT
KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE.
I WISH MY WIFE WAS HERE
WITH THE CHECKBOOK.
HONEY?
UH, I'LL TAKE IT.
HERE'S $10.
- SORRY.
- ALL RIGHT, 20.
NO, MA'AM.
YOU'VE BEEN LED DOWN
THE PATH OF DECEPTION.
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO THAT, BUT IT AIN'T
NO PRE-COLUMBIAN NOTHING.
WELL, WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A GALLSTONE FROM A BEAR.
WELL, THEY'RE REAL
HARD TO COME BY.
LOOK AWFUL NICE ON
YOUR WHATNOT SHELF.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS. I SET IT UP.
YOU DIDN'T CLOSE. THAT'S
NOT GOOD BUSINESS.
WE JUST COULDN'T. WHAT
YOU SAID WAS DISHONEST.
GOOD BUSINESS? DISHONEST?
"TO-MAY-TO, TO-MAH-TO."
MY PLIERS?
MY SAW BLADE?
I... I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
THE COMPLETE SOCKET
WRENCH SET FOR 15 CENTS?
HEY, I'LL TAKE THOSE.
THE HELL YOU WILL.
UM, I'D LIKE TO BUY THIS.
- OH, YOU WOULD?
- UH-HUH.
OH, YOU...
MUST BE ONE OF THE LUCKY
FEW WHO CAN HANDLE THIS STYLE.
IT MAKES MOST WOMEN LOOK
LIKE THEY'RE RETAINING FLUID.
- IT DOES?
- THE MOST INSIDIOUS THING
IS THE WAY IT ROBS YOU OF
ANY TRACE OF A BUST LINE.
UH, MAYBE I'LL MULL
THIS OVER A LITTLE BIT.
OH, DEAR. I HOPE IT
WASN'T ANYTHING I SAID.
MY PIPE WRENCH FOR FIVE CENTS?
WELL, DICK, IF YOU
DIDN'T PUT PRICE TAGS
ON THESE THINGS, WHO DID?
OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE WITH
NO HEAD FOR BUSINESS.
I MEAN, IT'S ALMOST AS
THOUGH SOMEONE WERE
TRYING TO STOP ME FROM... WAIT.
UTLEY?
DICK.
GEORGE, YOU HAVE A
LOT OF EXPLAINING TO...
THAT... THAT ISN'T FOR SALE.
MR. LOUDON. YOU ARE
DISPLAYING THINGS IN YOUR LOBBY.
IF YOU SELL THEM, IT'S A SALE.
IF YOU DO NOT SELL
THEM, IT'S A MUSEUM.
I HATE MUSEUMS.
I DON'T CARE.
GEORGE, SOMEONE IS TRYING
TO SABOTAGE THE RENOVATIONS.
NOW, YOU HAD THE MEANS,
THE MOTIVE, THE OPPORTUNITY,
AND THE KEYS TO THE GARAGE.
WAS IT YOU, GEORGE?
MAYBE.
GEORGE, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
IT'S IMPORTANT THAT THE GARAGE
BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
NOW STOP FIGHTING IT.
WOW. LOOK AT THIS.
DRILL BITS, SAW BLADES.
THIS PLACE IS A TREASURE TROVE.
ALL THE TOOLS WE NEED.
AND CHEAP TOO.
HARLEY. GO AWAY.
- AM I FIRED?
- NO.
OH, THEN IT'S A BREAK.
GEORGE?
[PEOPLE GASP, CLAMOR]
HOW'S THAT FOR
HISTORICAL ACCURACY, DICK?
NO LIGHTS, NO HEAT.
WELCOME TO THE 18th CENTURY.
GEORGE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
JUST FIX THE PLACE UP YOUR WAY.
NEVER MIND HOW I FEEL.
WELL, I... I DO CARE.
I REALLY WANT YOUR
BLESSING ON THIS.
YOU MEAN, IF I DON'T
GIVE YOU MY BLESSING,
YOU WON'T GO THROUGH WITH IT?
NO... I'LL DO IT,
BUT I'LL FEEL BAD.
THANKS A LOT.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE
RAISIN BRAIN PEOPLE SAID.
GEORGE, YOU'RE GONNA
LOVE THE NEW WORK SHED.
I MEAN, FOR ONE THING,
IT'LL HAVE A BENCH
THAT WASN'T BUILT
FOR A MUNCHKIN.
MY DAD DIDN'T BUILD
IT FOR A MUNCHKIN.
HE BUILT IT FOR A KID.
ME.
OH, THAT'S WHY IT'S SO LOW.
DICK, DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT THIS MEANS?
YEAH, IT MEANS YOU'RE
GONNA TAKE HIS SIDE.
NOT REALLY.
I JUST REALIZED THIS IS
WHERE GEORGE GREW UP.
THIS WAS HIS... HIS...
- REFUGE.
- REFUGE.
IT'S FULL OF HIS...
- MEMORIES.
- MEMORIES.
MORE THAN A
REFUGE, THIS WAS HIS...
REAL NEAT PLACE.
GEORGE, I CAN
HANDLE IT FROM HERE.
THE POINT IS, DICK,
THAT THIS GARAGE
IS A PIECE OF GEORGE'S HISTORY.
YOU WANNA TALK HISTORY?
I'M NOT DOING THIS JUST FOR ME.
I'M... I'M DOING
THIS FOR AMERICA.
I MEAN, ONE MAN PRESERVING
ONE PIECE OF OUR GREAT
AMERICAN HERITAGE.
BESIDES, I REALLY
WANT A CARRIAGE HOUSE.
WELL, IT'S YOUR INN.
GREAT. THEN IT'S SETTLED.
MAYBE BEFORE YOU
RIP ALL THIS DOWN,
YOU COULD TAKE A
PICTURE OF THE NOTCHES
IN THIS POST FOR ME.
I'D LIKE TO REMEMBER HOW
TALL I WAS WHEN I WAS SIX.
HE WAS SIX.
BUT LOOK AT THESE ARCHWAYS.
I MEAN, UH...
MEN IN BREACHES AND WHITE WIGS
USED TO STAND UNDER
THESE AND SAY THINGS LIKE...
"YE" AND... "FORSOOTH."
AND... AND "BREACHES."
AND WHEN I WAS JUST THREE.
GEORGE, LET... LET ME SEE
IF I CAN EXPLAIN THIS.
THE CLOSEST I'M GONNA COME
TO RELIVING HISTORY
IS... IS BY PRESERVING
A BUILDING.
LIKE THIS COULD BE.
GEORGE, I LOVE HISTORY.
HISTORY IS... IS THE
GREAT JOY OF MY LIFE.
ONE... ONE OF THE
GREAT JOYS OF MY LIFE.
ONE OF THE TOP THREE JOYS.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, DICK.
THIS IS WHERE I
VISIT MY HISTORY.
SOMETIMES I WALK IN.
AND I CAN SEE MY DAD HAMMERING.
SOME NAILS DANGLING
OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND WINKS.
HE SAYS SOMETHING.
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
HIM. HE'S GOT THOSE NAILS
HANGING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
BUT WELL, WHAT THE HECK.
EVERYTHING CHANGES.
AND IT IS YOUR INN.
WELL, I... I MAY
OWN THE INN, BUT...
I GUESS IT BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE
WHO HAVE MEMORIES HERE.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE IT?
NOT A STICK.
DICK, I'M SORRY YOU
NEVER MET MY DAD.
HE WOULD'VE LIKED YOU.
ALL SET, FELLAS.
I JUST WANTED TO
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY
TO THANK YOU FOR
THE FAITH YOU'VE SHOWN
IN NOT FIRING ME.
OKAY, LET'S START RENOVATING.
UH, HARLEY?
♪♪ [THEME MUSIC]