Newhart (1982–1990): Season 3, Episode 18 - You're Nobody 'til Somebody Hires You - full transcript
HI, DICK. HAPPY? NEED, UH...
NEED ANYTHING FOR THE OFFICE?
HOW-HOW ABOUT A
LOCK FOR MY DOOR?
[CHUCKLES]
NO. UH, I MEAN IT,
REALLY. ANYTHING.
- ANYTHING.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT
THE PENCIL SHARPENER
YOU PROMISED ME
FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.
I'M SORRY, DICK. THOSE ARE JUST
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL
GIVE YOU ONE OF MINE.
YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE?
WELL, NOT ANYMORE. [LAUGHS]
BUT, HEY, NO
SACRIFICE IS TOO GREAT.
OH, BY THE BY...
THE, UH, STATION MANAGER
AND I WERE JUST HAVING
A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT MY FUTURE.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
POKE THAT SINCERE HEAD IN
AND SAY A KIND WORD OR
TWO ABOUT YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
AH! SO, THAT'S WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT.
DICK, YOU WOULDN'T
DENY ME ONE LITTLE PLUG
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU.
NO, I-I REALLY CHERISH
THESE LAST TWO MINUTES.
OKAY.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HI, BEV. LOOK WHO'S HERE.
OH, HI, DICK! GOOD TO SEE YOU.
UM, CAN YOU EXCUSE
ME FOR A MINUTE?
ED, I'M WATCHING THE NEWS.
DWIGHT'S GOT SPINACH
STUCK IN HIS TEETH AGAIN.
WELL, WHEN WE GO TO COMMERCIAL,
TOSS HIM SOME DENTAL FLOSS.
SO, DICK... MICHAEL'S BEEN
TELLING ME YOU'RE VERY HAPPY.
[WHIRRING]
YEAH, THINGS... THINGS
ARE GOING... GREAT.
DON'T BE MODEST, DICK.
TELL HER... TELL HER
ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU.
HE-HE'S DONE, UM... UH, A LOT.
PLEASE, DICK. YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME.
I SEE. SO, IN YOUR OPINION,
MICHAEL DESERVES A
HOT TUB IN HIS OFFICE.
A HO... A HOT TUB?
YOU KNOW, DICK.
TO RELIEVE TENSION
DURING THOSE LATE NIGHT
BRAIN-STORMING SESSIONS.
UH, I... I HAVE... I HAVE
NO OPINION ON IT.
WELL, BUT YOU DO AGREE
WITH MICHAEL'S OTHER DEMANDS.
SAY, UH, FULL-TIME ASSISTANT,
THE PAID TRIP TO NEW YORK
EACH MONTH... A
CAPPUCCINO MACHINE.
UH, I'M-I'M SORRY.
I-I HAD NO IDEA
I WAS GOING TO BE USED
AS A PAWN IN SOMEBODY'S
CONTRACT NEGOTIATIONS.
WELL, MICHAEL, IT
SEEMS DICK FINDS
YOUR DEMANDS AS
OUTRAGEOUS AS I DO.
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA
HAVE TO SAY NO.
TO ALL OF THEM?
WHAT IS THIS, PUBLIC TELEVISION?
I'M-I'M... I'M GOING...
I'M GOING TO LEAVE.
I'M WITH YOU, DICK.
YOU HEAR THAT, BEV?
EITHER I GET WHAT I
WANT OR DICK AND I WALK.
WHAT?
MICHAEL, YOU'RE DRAGGING
DICK INTO THIS AGAINST HIS WILL.
I FIND THAT INCREDIBLY... SLIMY.
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO
RENEW YOUR CONTRACT,
AT ANY PRICE.
COME AGAIN?
YOU'RE FIRED.
LISTEN, BEV. I-I WAS GOING
TO INSIST YOU USE
THAT HOT TUB TOO.
- GOOD-BYE, MICHAEL.
- AS FAR AS NEW YORK GOES,
I CAN LIVE WITH MY
LITTLE TOWN BLUES.
GOOD-BYE, MICHAEL.
BEV, YOUR SIDE OF
THE NEGOTIATION
IS STARTING TO SOUND
A BIT ONE-NOTED.
OKAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD
IT HAPPENED THIS WAY.
YOU JUST TRY TO REPLACE
ME. THIS TOWN ISN'T EXACTLY
CRAWLING WITH WUNDERKINDS.
HI. I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL.
THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU FELLAS?
WE WAS WONDERIN'
IF YOU'D HANG ONE
OF OUR PROMOTIONAL
FLIERS HERE AT THE INN.
WE'RE TRYIN' TO GIVE
OUR CAFE BUSINESS
A KICK IN THE GET-ALONG.
"THIS THURSDAY IS
'BLOOD-TYPE O NIGHT'."
OH, LARRY... READ
ON. IT GETS BETTER.
"TO ALL FOLKS WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED FLUID
"COURSIN' THROUGH THEIR VEINS,
FREE BEVERAGE WITH YOUR MEAL."
LARRY, I REALLY DON'T THINK
THIS IS GOING TO
ATTRACT MANY PEOPLE.
WELL... DARRYL DID
A LOT OF RESEARCH.
AND TYPE O IS THE
MOST POPULAR BLOOD.
- HI, GUYS.
- AFTERNOON, MISS STEPHANIE.
WOULD YOU DO US THE PLEASURE
OF DRAGGIN' YOUR LOVELY BONES
OVER TO OUR CAFE THIS THURSDAY?
"VEINS," "BLOOD," "BEVERAGE,"
EW!
DARRYL...
THIS IS THE LAST
TIME I LET YOU MOUNT
AN ADVERTISING BLITZ.
HELLO, HONEY. HI, GUYS.
- MICHAEL!
- STEPH.
OH, MY GOD.
SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED
TO YOUR INCOME.
THAT'S MY EXTRA SENSORY SWEETIE.
ACTUALLY, WE'VE HIT A SMALL SNAG
IN MY CONTRACT NEGOTIATION.
HE WAS FIRED.
- WHAT?
- IT WAS A FLUKE, STEPH.
I WAS PRACTICALLY
FLOATING IN MY HOT TUB
WHEN DICK TORPEDOED ME.
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
YOU WERE TRYING TO USE TRICKERY
AND DECEIT TO GET
WHAT YOU WANTED.
AND YOU WOULDN'T HELP HIM?
IF YOU'RE LOOKIN'
FOR EMPLOYMENT,
IT'S BECOME APPARENT TO
US THAT WE'RE IN DIRE NEED
OF A MEDIA CONSULTANT.
WELL, GUYS, I'M... HONORED.
UM... BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
I'M STRICTLY A...
A BROADCAST ANIMAL.
WELL... IF YOU CHANGE YOUR
MIND, WE'RE CONFIDENT YOU'D MAKE
THE CROSSOVER TO
THE PRINT MEDIUM.
MICHAEL, YOU SEEM
TO BE TAKING THIS ALL
- RATHER LIGHTLY.
- WELL, IT'S EASY...
WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE.
THE RESUME THAT
NO ONE SAYS "NO" TO.
YOU LIST WILLIAM F.
BUCKLEY AS A REFERENCE?
HE, UH, SPOKE AT A SEMINAR
I ATTENDED. WE HIT IT OFF.
REALLY?
AS FAR AS I COULD TELL,
FROM THE ROW I WAS SITTING IN.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A BUDDY.
A ONE LOOK AT THIS,
I'LL BE SNATCHED UP
BY A NETWORK SO
FAST, I'LL GET WHIPLASH.
OH!
MICHAEL, WHAT'S-WHAT'S THIS?
YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO
WITH GHOSTBUSTERS.
COME ON, DICK.
IT'S NOT LIKE THEY
CHECK ON THESE THINGS.
[KNOCKING]
HI, DICK!
I MAY HAVE FOUND A NEW
PRODUCER FOR YOUR SHOW.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THE JOB?
ME? IT SOUNDS... IT SOUNDS
PRETTY COMPLICATED.
MICHAEL DID IT.
WELL, THAT-THAT'S TRUE.
BESIDES, THIS WAY YOU'D HAVE
COMPLETE CONTROL
OVER YOUR OWN SHOW.
WELL, I COULD FINALLY
GET INTELLIGENT,
THOUGHT-PROVOKING GUESTS.
WELL, CHECK WITH ME BEFORE
YOU ACTUALLY BOOK ANYBODY.
NOW, I'VE ASKED YOUR
PRODUCTION CREW
TO STOP BY, SO YOU CAN GO OVER
WHAT YOU'LL NEED
FOR THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
UH, DICK, YOU KNOW LEN,
YOUR PRODUCTION MANAGER.
BUD, YOUR PROP MAN.
AND ERNIE, YOUR GOPHER.
GUYS... DICK'S YOUR
BOSS FROM NOW ON.
BOY, IS SHE HOT!
YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T... UH,
WHY DON'T WE GET STARTED.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MICHAEL?
UH, HE DECIDED TO MOVE ON TO...
TO OTHER HORIZONS.
GOT CANNED OVER
THE HOT TUB, HUH?
UM, FOR-FOR THIS
WEEK, I-I'VE PULLED OFF
A REAL COUP. I HAVE, UH...
HENRY JENSEN, THE... THE
LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHER?
SO, UH... ANY-ANYWAY,
I'LL NEED AN EASEL
TO, UH, DISPLAY HIS PHOTOS.
YOU KNOW, FOR PHOTOGRAPHS,
I'D RECOMMEND AN EASEL.
THAT-THAT... THAT COULD WORK.
DO YOU WANT ME TO BUY ONE
OR... OR MAKE ONE IN THE SHOP?
UH, MAKE ONE.
MAKE ONE?
OKAY.
UNLESS THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.
NO, NOTHING. JUST
THAT IT'LL COST ABOUT
THREE TIMES AS
MUCH AS BUYING ONE.
OH. WELL, THEN, UM...
THEN-THEN... THEN BUY ONE.
FILL OUT A PURCHASE ORDER.
AND I'LL, UH... I'LL NEED...
I'LL NEED A POINTER TOO.
OH, YOU COULD USE A
POINTER TO GO WITH THAT EASEL.
GOOD... GOOD IDEA.
WANT ME TO BUY IT OR MAKE IT?
UM... UH, BUY IT.
OKAY.
- WH-WHAT?
- NOTHING. IT'S, UH,
JUST THAT WE COULD
MAKE A POINTER IN THE SHOP
FOR NEXT TO NOTHING AND
BE A LOT LESS PAPERWORK.
OH, OKAY, THEN.
THEN-THEN MAKE IT.
[CLEARS THROAT REPEATEDLY]
NO, NOT A LOT LESS.
NOW, I, UM...
I WANT THE POINTER
TO BE ABOUT...
HEY, HEY, HEY. DICK. DICK.
[CHUCKLES] DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.
LOOK. I'VE BEEN IN THIS
BUSINESS THIRTY YEARS. TELL HIM!
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M-I'M... I'M SURE YOU DO.
UM, WHAT ABOUT
TRANSPORTATION FOR...
UM, THIS PHOTO GUY?
WELL, HE, UH...
HE LIVES RIGHT
NEAR ME, SO I CAN...
I CAN BRING HIM HERE MYSELF.
- OKAY.
- WHAT?
NOTHING. IT JUST MIGHT COST
THE TRANSPORTATION GUY
- HIS JOB, THAT'S ALL.
- OH.
ERNIE'S OUR TRANSPORTATION GUY.
JUST, UH, FILL OUT
THE WORK ORDER.
FI-FINE.
UM, I'LL HAVE TO
BORROW YOUR CAR.
I TOTALED MINE LAST WEEK.
DON'T WORRY. I'VE
LEARNED NOT TO LET PEOPLE
GOAD ME INTO RACING.
- OH, HI, HONEY.
- HI.
GUESS WHAT? THE STATION MANAGER
HAS DECIDED TO LET ME
PRODUCE MY OWN SHOW.
THAT SOUNDS COMPLICATED.
NOT, UH... NOT-NOT REALLY.
- HI, ALL!
- OH, HI, MICHAEL.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- MICHAEL!
YOU HAVEN'T CALLED
ME IN THREE DAYS.
I'M-I'M SORRY,
CUPCAKE, BUT I'VE...
[CHUCKLES] I'VE BEEN SWAMPED
WITH JOB OFFERS.
I'M-I'M TRYING TO
PICK THE ONE THAT'LL
BE THE LEAST WORK, AND
STILL GLOAT MY WALLET
TO YOUR SATISFACTION.
UM, YOU'RE EXCUSED.
[CHUCKLES] SO, IS BEV STILL
PULLING OUT HER
PREMATURELY GRAYING HAIR,
TRYING TO REPLACE ME?
UH, ACT-ACTUALLY, SHE, UM...
- SHE FOUND SOMEONE.
- REALLY? SO FAST.
[STAMMERS] THAT'S TERRIFIC.
LOOKS-LOOKS LIKE, UH...
EVERYTHING'S WORKED
OUT FOR THE BEST.
MICHAEL, LONG TIME
NO SEE. HOW'S IT GOING?
[CRIES]
GEE, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HIT HIM SO HARD.
[CRIES]
MICHAEL?
I'M SURE THAT SOMETHING HORRIBLE
MUST BE EATING YOU UP
INSIDE, BUT YOU'RE MAKING
THE REST OF US UNCOMFORTABLE.
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
RUIN THIS SWEATER.
OH.
IF IT COULDN'T TAKE TEARS,
I WOULD'VE HANDED
YOU OVER TO JOANNA.
NOW, TELL US WHAT'S WRONG.
[SCOFFS] I'M, UH...
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE
WATERWORKS, EVERYONE.
[VOICE BREAKS] I'VE, UH...
I'VE HIT THE SKIDS.
I'M TOTALLY OUT OF MONEY.
[GASPS]
MY LANDLORD
PADLOCKED MY APARTMENT.
ALL MY BILLS ARE PAST DUE.
I PEELED OUT IN MY TURBO Z
ONE STEP AHEAD OF
THE REPOSSESSOR.
BU-BUT MICHAEL, YOU...
YOU LOST YOUR JOB
THREE DAYS AGO. WHERE...
WHERE DID ALL THE MONEY...
OH.
I LIVE IN A FINANCIAL
FAST LANE, DICK.
THE REALITY OF IT DIDN'T
HIT ME UNTIL TODAY.
THERE, IN THE
HARDWARE STORE, THEY...
TOOK AWAY MY GOLD CARD.
NO!
I NEVER SAW ONE CUT IN
HALF WITH AN AXE BEFORE.
MICHAEL, I'M SURE
YOU'LL GET A JOB SOON.
REMEMBER THE RESUME
THAT NO ONE CAN SAY "NO" TO.
THEY SAID IT. 47 TIMES.
47 POLITE REPLIES,
TELLING ME I'M FLY SPIT.
MICHAEL, I KNOW WHAT YOU
MUST BE GOING THROUGH.
YOU DO? YOU'VE... YOU'VE
BEEN OUT OF WORK?
NOPE. STARTED
HERE WHEN I WAS 15.
BEEN HERE EVER SINCE.
IT'S A GOOD FEELING.
GEORGE, DON'T YOU
HAVE SOME WORK TO DO?
ALWAYS.
[HUMS]
WHO'D THEY FINALLY
GET TO REPLACE ME?
WHAT CAREER-GRABBING
VULTURE IS DROOLING OVER MY DESK
WHILE MY BODY'S STILL WARM?
THAT-THAT WOULD BE ME.
- YOU?
- SOMEBODY WIPE
THE FOOTPRINTS
OFF MY BACK.
MICHAEL, YOU...
YOU COULD CALL BEV.
WHAT'S THE POINT? SHE REALIZED
SHE DOESN'T NEED ME.
NO ONE DOES.
[SIGHS] WELL... I'D
BETTER SHOVE OFF.
IF YOU HAVE A CARDBOARD BOX,
I COULD USE SOME
SHELTER TONIGHT.
MICHAEL...
I'M SURE THIS IS
JUST A TEMPORARY,
ALBEIT DISGUSTING, PHASE
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
AND UNTIL IT'S OVER,
YOU CAN LIVE HERE.
SO, WE COULD GIVE
HIM ROOM SEVEN.
I-I WON'T BE ANY BOTHER.
[CHUCKLES] I-I... I DON'T EVEN
NEED ANY BLANKETS.
YOU CAN JUST COVER ME
[VOICE BREAKS] WITH
REJECTION LETTERS.
[CRIES]
[KNOCKING]
HI, DICK.
I PICKED UP THOSE
PHOTOS FROM, UM...
THAT CAMERA GUY.
AND HERE'S YOUR CAR KEYS.
OH. THESE ARE GREAT.
W-WHAT'S... WHAT'S
THIS PICTURE OF MY CAR?
OH, SORRY. THAT'S FOR
THE INSURANCE ADJUSTER.
- OH, NO.
- IT'S NOT A BIG DENT.
STATION'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT.
I CAN DRIVE IT OVER TO THE
REPAIR SHOP RIGHT NOW...
NO!
I'LL-I'LL DRIVE IT...
DRIVE IT MYSELF.
OKAY. BUT BE CAREFUL.
IT TENDS TO GO IN CIRCLES.
HEARD THE KID
SMASHED UP YOUR CAR.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FILL OUT
THIS INSURANCE CLAIM FORM.
HI, DICK. I JUST WANTED
TO GET YOUR APPROVAL
ON THIS POINTER.
WELL, BESIDES BEING TOO LONG,
IT'S NOT ROUND, AND IT DOESN'T
- HAVE A POINT.
- SO, IT'S OKAY?
[STAMMERS] FORGET
IT. I'LL... I'LL TAKE IT HOME
AND HAVE MY HANDYMAN CUT IT.
OKAY.
I-I REALLY DON'T NEED A POINTER.
"CANCELING A PROP"
ORDER.
WHAT, UH... WHAT...
WHAT ABOUT THE EASEL?
THE EASEL? THE EASEL!
[LAUGHS] I WAS SO BUSY
GETTING THE POINTER
RIGHT, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.
- WELL, THAT IS THE MOST...
- OFF, DICK. I'M SORRY.
I'M ON A BREAK.
[CLEARS THROAT] HERE'S THE FORM
IF YOU WANT TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT BUD.
O-OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'VE-I'VE HAD FORMS
UP TO HERE, I HAVE
A LOG FOR A POINTER,
AND I HAVE A CAR
THAT GOES CLOCKWISE.
- SOMETHING HAS GOT
TO BE DONE!
- DICK!
WHAT?
MONDAY'S BUD'S BIRTHDAY.
WE'RE ALL CHIPPING IN $10.
[HAMMERING]
MICHAEL, IT'S...
NOON. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP SO EARLY?
I HAD ANOTHER NIGHTMARE.
IT WAS A TWO-HEADED CREATURE
THAT LOOKED LIKE DICK AND BEV.
MICHAEL, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU MAKE A WHOLE DINNER
OUT OF AEROSOL CHEESE.
MICHAEL, I'VE GOT A
LOT OF WORK TO DO
IN THE GARAGE. YOU WANT TO COME
WATCH ME HAMMER?
THANKS, GEORGE, BUT I THINK I
WATCHED LONG ENOUGH YESTERDAY
TO LAST A WHILE.
I'LL JUST GO SIT
OUT ON THE PORCH
AND WAVE AT CARS.
CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT.
STEPHANIE!
I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE.
ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?
OH, MICHAEL, HOW COULD
YOU EVEN THINK THAT?
[CHUCKLES] I'M SORRY.
- GIVE US A HUG.
- NO.
MICHAEL... OH, YOU'VE BEEN...
LIKE THIS FOR DAYS NOW.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO STOP BEING A LUMP
I HAVE TO VACUUM AROUND.
I CAN'T TELL, STEPH.
ALL I CAN DO IS SET
DAILY GOALS FOR MYSELF
AND TRY TO MEET THEM.
I BETTER GET OUT
AND START WAVING.
MICHAEL, I WANT
YOU TO COME WITH ME
TO THE STATION AND
DEMAND YOUR JOB BACK.
NO, DICK. IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.
I GOT WHAT I DESERVE.
BEV FIRED ME
BECAUSE I WAS SLIME.
I USE PEOPLE.
WELL, YEAH, BUT...
YOU-YOU WERE GOOD AT IT.
AT WHAT? SELLING OUT TO RATINGS?
PANDERING TO WHATEVER WAS
BASE AND VILE IN THE AUDIENCE?
WELL, YEAH.
THANKS FOR CHEERLEADING,
DICK. THE WORLD'S...
BETTER OFF WITH ME OUT OF WORK.
WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING
TO ARGUE WITH HIM?
HONEY, I CAN'T. FROM SLIME ON,
HE WAS RIGHT.
STEPHANIE, MAYBE YOU
CAN GET HIM TO GO WITH DICK.
HE MIGHT BE ABLE
TO GET HIS JOB BACK.
JOANNA, I'VE JUST BEEN
SUPPORTIVE FOR THREE MINUTES!
DON'T I GET ANY TIME
FOR MYSELF ANYMORE?
OH, PISH!
MICHAEL?
- GET IN HERE.
- BUT STEPH,
THERE'S A BUS COMING.
MICHAEL, LOOK AT ME!
I LOVE YOU. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
BUT WHEN I SEE YOU LIKE THIS,
I JUST WANT TO SLAP YOU SILLY.
NOW, GO AND GET THAT JOB!
I CAN'T, STEPH. I'M NOTHING.
I'M-I'M A LAMP WITHOUT A BULB.
I'M... I'M BAKED BEANS
WITHOUT THAT LITTLE GLOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SALT PORK,
BUT GOD ONLY KNOWS
WHAT IT REALLY...
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M MORE LIKE THAT.
MICHAEL, YOU ARE
NOT A PORK GLOB!
YOU HAVE TALENT!
YOU CAN SEEM SINCERE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT.
YOU CAN SWITCH
OPINIONS IN MID-SENTENCE
WITHOUT LOSING YOUR CONVICTION.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
SCREAMS "PRODUCER."
NOW, GO BACK TO THAT
STUPID STATION AND PRODUCE!
ALL RIGHT, DICK. I HAVE
WHIPPED HIM INTO SHAPE.
NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HI, BEV. HAVE I GOT
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
YOU?
- MICHAEL?
- HELLO, MS. DUTTON.
HE, UH... HE CAN'T STAY LONG.
THIS MAN IS IN DEMAND.
MICHAEL, UH, TELL HER... TELL
HER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO.
[MUTTERING] WELL, YOU KNOW...
KIND OF... WELL, CHIPS... UH...
WHAT-WHAT HE'S... WHAT
HE'S... WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY
IS THAT HE'S CONSIDERING
A... A TON OF OTHER POSITIONS.
IS ONE OF THEM "UPRIGHT?"
CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
I'M MISSING MY SOAPS.
BEV, CAN'T YOU TAKE HIM BACK?
HE'S... HE'S A GOOD PRODUCER.
I'M SORRY, DICK.
WELL... I'M-I'M SORRY TOO. IF...
IF I DON'T GET HIM BACK, THEN...
THEN-THEN I'M WALKING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
OH, YEAH? JUST WATCH ME.
THIS... THIS IS ME. LEAVING.
DICK! HE'S A JERK.
NOW, I... I KNOW THAT,
BUT I... I NEED HIM.
YOU-YOU MEAN THAT, DICK?
DARN RIGHT, I DO.
SOMEBODY NEEDS ME!
WELL... [SIGHS]
IF YOU FEEL THAT
STRONGLY ABOUT IT,
I GUESS I CAN RECONSIDER.
- THANKS.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
MOMENTITO, GUYS AND GALS.
LET'S NOT TOSS THE
CONFETTI BEFORE THE PARADE.
WHAT ABOUT MY DEMANDS?
WHAT?
I'LL TAKE YOU BACK
AT YOUR OLD SALARY.
NO FRILLS, NO PERKS.
I'LL COME BACK FOR 10% INTEREST.
FIVE. AND YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT.
BEV, READ MY LIPS.
[LAUGHS]
THERE'S NO MORE
MONEY IN THE BUDGET.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
TAKE IT OUT OF DICK'S SALARY?
- WELL...
- NO WAY!
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HERE YOU ARE, DICK. I FOUND YOU
A REAL NICE EASEL.
IT-IT HAS TWO LEGS.
IT'LL FALL OVER.
GREAT! SO, IT'S OKAY.
OKAY, TAKE IT... TAKE
IT OUT OF MY SALARY.
ALL RIGHT!
THE WUNDERKIND IS BACK!
THANKS, DICK. I... I WON'T
FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT.
LOOK, IT-IT'LL BE WORTH
IT JUST TO HAVE HIM
BAIL ME OUT OF ALL
THAT PAPERWORK.
WHAT PAPERWORK? I
ALWAYS HAVE LEN FILL IT OUT.
LEN CAN FILL IT OUT?
NEED ANYTHING FOR THE OFFICE?
HOW-HOW ABOUT A
LOCK FOR MY DOOR?
[CHUCKLES]
NO. UH, I MEAN IT,
REALLY. ANYTHING.
- ANYTHING.
- WELL, HOW ABOUT
THE PENCIL SHARPENER
YOU PROMISED ME
FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.
I'M SORRY, DICK. THOSE ARE JUST
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL
GIVE YOU ONE OF MINE.
YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE?
WELL, NOT ANYMORE. [LAUGHS]
BUT, HEY, NO
SACRIFICE IS TOO GREAT.
OH, BY THE BY...
THE, UH, STATION MANAGER
AND I WERE JUST HAVING
A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT MY FUTURE.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
POKE THAT SINCERE HEAD IN
AND SAY A KIND WORD OR
TWO ABOUT YOUR BIGGEST FAN.
AH! SO, THAT'S WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT.
DICK, YOU WOULDN'T
DENY ME ONE LITTLE PLUG
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU.
NO, I-I REALLY CHERISH
THESE LAST TWO MINUTES.
OKAY.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HI, BEV. LOOK WHO'S HERE.
OH, HI, DICK! GOOD TO SEE YOU.
UM, CAN YOU EXCUSE
ME FOR A MINUTE?
ED, I'M WATCHING THE NEWS.
DWIGHT'S GOT SPINACH
STUCK IN HIS TEETH AGAIN.
WELL, WHEN WE GO TO COMMERCIAL,
TOSS HIM SOME DENTAL FLOSS.
SO, DICK... MICHAEL'S BEEN
TELLING ME YOU'RE VERY HAPPY.
[WHIRRING]
YEAH, THINGS... THINGS
ARE GOING... GREAT.
DON'T BE MODEST, DICK.
TELL HER... TELL HER
ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU.
HE-HE'S DONE, UM... UH, A LOT.
PLEASE, DICK. YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME.
I SEE. SO, IN YOUR OPINION,
MICHAEL DESERVES A
HOT TUB IN HIS OFFICE.
A HO... A HOT TUB?
YOU KNOW, DICK.
TO RELIEVE TENSION
DURING THOSE LATE NIGHT
BRAIN-STORMING SESSIONS.
UH, I... I HAVE... I HAVE
NO OPINION ON IT.
WELL, BUT YOU DO AGREE
WITH MICHAEL'S OTHER DEMANDS.
SAY, UH, FULL-TIME ASSISTANT,
THE PAID TRIP TO NEW YORK
EACH MONTH... A
CAPPUCCINO MACHINE.
UH, I'M-I'M SORRY.
I-I HAD NO IDEA
I WAS GOING TO BE USED
AS A PAWN IN SOMEBODY'S
CONTRACT NEGOTIATIONS.
WELL, MICHAEL, IT
SEEMS DICK FINDS
YOUR DEMANDS AS
OUTRAGEOUS AS I DO.
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA
HAVE TO SAY NO.
TO ALL OF THEM?
WHAT IS THIS, PUBLIC TELEVISION?
I'M-I'M... I'M GOING...
I'M GOING TO LEAVE.
I'M WITH YOU, DICK.
YOU HEAR THAT, BEV?
EITHER I GET WHAT I
WANT OR DICK AND I WALK.
WHAT?
MICHAEL, YOU'RE DRAGGING
DICK INTO THIS AGAINST HIS WILL.
I FIND THAT INCREDIBLY... SLIMY.
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO
RENEW YOUR CONTRACT,
AT ANY PRICE.
COME AGAIN?
YOU'RE FIRED.
LISTEN, BEV. I-I WAS GOING
TO INSIST YOU USE
THAT HOT TUB TOO.
- GOOD-BYE, MICHAEL.
- AS FAR AS NEW YORK GOES,
I CAN LIVE WITH MY
LITTLE TOWN BLUES.
GOOD-BYE, MICHAEL.
BEV, YOUR SIDE OF
THE NEGOTIATION
IS STARTING TO SOUND
A BIT ONE-NOTED.
OKAY.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD
IT HAPPENED THIS WAY.
YOU JUST TRY TO REPLACE
ME. THIS TOWN ISN'T EXACTLY
CRAWLING WITH WUNDERKINDS.
HI. I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL.
THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU FELLAS?
WE WAS WONDERIN'
IF YOU'D HANG ONE
OF OUR PROMOTIONAL
FLIERS HERE AT THE INN.
WE'RE TRYIN' TO GIVE
OUR CAFE BUSINESS
A KICK IN THE GET-ALONG.
"THIS THURSDAY IS
'BLOOD-TYPE O NIGHT'."
OH, LARRY... READ
ON. IT GETS BETTER.
"TO ALL FOLKS WITH THE
AFOREMENTIONED FLUID
"COURSIN' THROUGH THEIR VEINS,
FREE BEVERAGE WITH YOUR MEAL."
LARRY, I REALLY DON'T THINK
THIS IS GOING TO
ATTRACT MANY PEOPLE.
WELL... DARRYL DID
A LOT OF RESEARCH.
AND TYPE O IS THE
MOST POPULAR BLOOD.
- HI, GUYS.
- AFTERNOON, MISS STEPHANIE.
WOULD YOU DO US THE PLEASURE
OF DRAGGIN' YOUR LOVELY BONES
OVER TO OUR CAFE THIS THURSDAY?
"VEINS," "BLOOD," "BEVERAGE,"
EW!
DARRYL...
THIS IS THE LAST
TIME I LET YOU MOUNT
AN ADVERTISING BLITZ.
HELLO, HONEY. HI, GUYS.
- MICHAEL!
- STEPH.
OH, MY GOD.
SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED
TO YOUR INCOME.
THAT'S MY EXTRA SENSORY SWEETIE.
ACTUALLY, WE'VE HIT A SMALL SNAG
IN MY CONTRACT NEGOTIATION.
HE WAS FIRED.
- WHAT?
- IT WAS A FLUKE, STEPH.
I WAS PRACTICALLY
FLOATING IN MY HOT TUB
WHEN DICK TORPEDOED ME.
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
YOU WERE TRYING TO USE TRICKERY
AND DECEIT TO GET
WHAT YOU WANTED.
AND YOU WOULDN'T HELP HIM?
IF YOU'RE LOOKIN'
FOR EMPLOYMENT,
IT'S BECOME APPARENT TO
US THAT WE'RE IN DIRE NEED
OF A MEDIA CONSULTANT.
WELL, GUYS, I'M... HONORED.
UM... BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
I'M STRICTLY A...
A BROADCAST ANIMAL.
WELL... IF YOU CHANGE YOUR
MIND, WE'RE CONFIDENT YOU'D MAKE
THE CROSSOVER TO
THE PRINT MEDIUM.
MICHAEL, YOU SEEM
TO BE TAKING THIS ALL
- RATHER LIGHTLY.
- WELL, IT'S EASY...
WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE.
THE RESUME THAT
NO ONE SAYS "NO" TO.
YOU LIST WILLIAM F.
BUCKLEY AS A REFERENCE?
HE, UH, SPOKE AT A SEMINAR
I ATTENDED. WE HIT IT OFF.
REALLY?
AS FAR AS I COULD TELL,
FROM THE ROW I WAS SITTING IN.
SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE GOT A BUDDY.
A ONE LOOK AT THIS,
I'LL BE SNATCHED UP
BY A NETWORK SO
FAST, I'LL GET WHIPLASH.
OH!
MICHAEL, WHAT'S-WHAT'S THIS?
YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO
WITH GHOSTBUSTERS.
COME ON, DICK.
IT'S NOT LIKE THEY
CHECK ON THESE THINGS.
[KNOCKING]
HI, DICK!
I MAY HAVE FOUND A NEW
PRODUCER FOR YOUR SHOW.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THE JOB?
ME? IT SOUNDS... IT SOUNDS
PRETTY COMPLICATED.
MICHAEL DID IT.
WELL, THAT-THAT'S TRUE.
BESIDES, THIS WAY YOU'D HAVE
COMPLETE CONTROL
OVER YOUR OWN SHOW.
WELL, I COULD FINALLY
GET INTELLIGENT,
THOUGHT-PROVOKING GUESTS.
WELL, CHECK WITH ME BEFORE
YOU ACTUALLY BOOK ANYBODY.
NOW, I'VE ASKED YOUR
PRODUCTION CREW
TO STOP BY, SO YOU CAN GO OVER
WHAT YOU'LL NEED
FOR THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
UH, DICK, YOU KNOW LEN,
YOUR PRODUCTION MANAGER.
BUD, YOUR PROP MAN.
AND ERNIE, YOUR GOPHER.
GUYS... DICK'S YOUR
BOSS FROM NOW ON.
BOY, IS SHE HOT!
YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T... UH,
WHY DON'T WE GET STARTED.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MICHAEL?
UH, HE DECIDED TO MOVE ON TO...
TO OTHER HORIZONS.
GOT CANNED OVER
THE HOT TUB, HUH?
UM, FOR-FOR THIS
WEEK, I-I'VE PULLED OFF
A REAL COUP. I HAVE, UH...
HENRY JENSEN, THE... THE
LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHER?
SO, UH... ANY-ANYWAY,
I'LL NEED AN EASEL
TO, UH, DISPLAY HIS PHOTOS.
YOU KNOW, FOR PHOTOGRAPHS,
I'D RECOMMEND AN EASEL.
THAT-THAT... THAT COULD WORK.
DO YOU WANT ME TO BUY ONE
OR... OR MAKE ONE IN THE SHOP?
UH, MAKE ONE.
MAKE ONE?
OKAY.
UNLESS THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.
NO, NOTHING. JUST
THAT IT'LL COST ABOUT
THREE TIMES AS
MUCH AS BUYING ONE.
OH. WELL, THEN, UM...
THEN-THEN... THEN BUY ONE.
FILL OUT A PURCHASE ORDER.
AND I'LL, UH... I'LL NEED...
I'LL NEED A POINTER TOO.
OH, YOU COULD USE A
POINTER TO GO WITH THAT EASEL.
GOOD... GOOD IDEA.
WANT ME TO BUY IT OR MAKE IT?
UM... UH, BUY IT.
OKAY.
- WH-WHAT?
- NOTHING. IT'S, UH,
JUST THAT WE COULD
MAKE A POINTER IN THE SHOP
FOR NEXT TO NOTHING AND
BE A LOT LESS PAPERWORK.
OH, OKAY, THEN.
THEN-THEN MAKE IT.
[CLEARS THROAT REPEATEDLY]
NO, NOT A LOT LESS.
NOW, I, UM...
I WANT THE POINTER
TO BE ABOUT...
HEY, HEY, HEY. DICK. DICK.
[CHUCKLES] DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.
LOOK. I'VE BEEN IN THIS
BUSINESS THIRTY YEARS. TELL HIM!
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M-I'M... I'M SURE YOU DO.
UM, WHAT ABOUT
TRANSPORTATION FOR...
UM, THIS PHOTO GUY?
WELL, HE, UH...
HE LIVES RIGHT
NEAR ME, SO I CAN...
I CAN BRING HIM HERE MYSELF.
- OKAY.
- WHAT?
NOTHING. IT JUST MIGHT COST
THE TRANSPORTATION GUY
- HIS JOB, THAT'S ALL.
- OH.
ERNIE'S OUR TRANSPORTATION GUY.
JUST, UH, FILL OUT
THE WORK ORDER.
FI-FINE.
UM, I'LL HAVE TO
BORROW YOUR CAR.
I TOTALED MINE LAST WEEK.
DON'T WORRY. I'VE
LEARNED NOT TO LET PEOPLE
GOAD ME INTO RACING.
- OH, HI, HONEY.
- HI.
GUESS WHAT? THE STATION MANAGER
HAS DECIDED TO LET ME
PRODUCE MY OWN SHOW.
THAT SOUNDS COMPLICATED.
NOT, UH... NOT-NOT REALLY.
- HI, ALL!
- OH, HI, MICHAEL.
- HOW ARE YOU?
- MICHAEL!
YOU HAVEN'T CALLED
ME IN THREE DAYS.
I'M-I'M SORRY,
CUPCAKE, BUT I'VE...
[CHUCKLES] I'VE BEEN SWAMPED
WITH JOB OFFERS.
I'M-I'M TRYING TO
PICK THE ONE THAT'LL
BE THE LEAST WORK, AND
STILL GLOAT MY WALLET
TO YOUR SATISFACTION.
UM, YOU'RE EXCUSED.
[CHUCKLES] SO, IS BEV STILL
PULLING OUT HER
PREMATURELY GRAYING HAIR,
TRYING TO REPLACE ME?
UH, ACT-ACTUALLY, SHE, UM...
- SHE FOUND SOMEONE.
- REALLY? SO FAST.
[STAMMERS] THAT'S TERRIFIC.
LOOKS-LOOKS LIKE, UH...
EVERYTHING'S WORKED
OUT FOR THE BEST.
MICHAEL, LONG TIME
NO SEE. HOW'S IT GOING?
[CRIES]
GEE, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO HIT HIM SO HARD.
[CRIES]
MICHAEL?
I'M SURE THAT SOMETHING HORRIBLE
MUST BE EATING YOU UP
INSIDE, BUT YOU'RE MAKING
THE REST OF US UNCOMFORTABLE.
OH, I HOPE I DIDN'T
RUIN THIS SWEATER.
OH.
IF IT COULDN'T TAKE TEARS,
I WOULD'VE HANDED
YOU OVER TO JOANNA.
NOW, TELL US WHAT'S WRONG.
[SCOFFS] I'M, UH...
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE
WATERWORKS, EVERYONE.
[VOICE BREAKS] I'VE, UH...
I'VE HIT THE SKIDS.
I'M TOTALLY OUT OF MONEY.
[GASPS]
MY LANDLORD
PADLOCKED MY APARTMENT.
ALL MY BILLS ARE PAST DUE.
I PEELED OUT IN MY TURBO Z
ONE STEP AHEAD OF
THE REPOSSESSOR.
BU-BUT MICHAEL, YOU...
YOU LOST YOUR JOB
THREE DAYS AGO. WHERE...
WHERE DID ALL THE MONEY...
OH.
I LIVE IN A FINANCIAL
FAST LANE, DICK.
THE REALITY OF IT DIDN'T
HIT ME UNTIL TODAY.
THERE, IN THE
HARDWARE STORE, THEY...
TOOK AWAY MY GOLD CARD.
NO!
I NEVER SAW ONE CUT IN
HALF WITH AN AXE BEFORE.
MICHAEL, I'M SURE
YOU'LL GET A JOB SOON.
REMEMBER THE RESUME
THAT NO ONE CAN SAY "NO" TO.
THEY SAID IT. 47 TIMES.
47 POLITE REPLIES,
TELLING ME I'M FLY SPIT.
MICHAEL, I KNOW WHAT YOU
MUST BE GOING THROUGH.
YOU DO? YOU'VE... YOU'VE
BEEN OUT OF WORK?
NOPE. STARTED
HERE WHEN I WAS 15.
BEEN HERE EVER SINCE.
IT'S A GOOD FEELING.
GEORGE, DON'T YOU
HAVE SOME WORK TO DO?
ALWAYS.
[HUMS]
WHO'D THEY FINALLY
GET TO REPLACE ME?
WHAT CAREER-GRABBING
VULTURE IS DROOLING OVER MY DESK
WHILE MY BODY'S STILL WARM?
THAT-THAT WOULD BE ME.
- YOU?
- SOMEBODY WIPE
THE FOOTPRINTS
OFF MY BACK.
MICHAEL, YOU...
YOU COULD CALL BEV.
WHAT'S THE POINT? SHE REALIZED
SHE DOESN'T NEED ME.
NO ONE DOES.
[SIGHS] WELL... I'D
BETTER SHOVE OFF.
IF YOU HAVE A CARDBOARD BOX,
I COULD USE SOME
SHELTER TONIGHT.
MICHAEL...
I'M SURE THIS IS
JUST A TEMPORARY,
ALBEIT DISGUSTING, PHASE
YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
AND UNTIL IT'S OVER,
YOU CAN LIVE HERE.
SO, WE COULD GIVE
HIM ROOM SEVEN.
I-I WON'T BE ANY BOTHER.
[CHUCKLES] I-I... I DON'T EVEN
NEED ANY BLANKETS.
YOU CAN JUST COVER ME
[VOICE BREAKS] WITH
REJECTION LETTERS.
[CRIES]
[KNOCKING]
HI, DICK.
I PICKED UP THOSE
PHOTOS FROM, UM...
THAT CAMERA GUY.
AND HERE'S YOUR CAR KEYS.
OH. THESE ARE GREAT.
W-WHAT'S... WHAT'S
THIS PICTURE OF MY CAR?
OH, SORRY. THAT'S FOR
THE INSURANCE ADJUSTER.
- OH, NO.
- IT'S NOT A BIG DENT.
STATION'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT.
I CAN DRIVE IT OVER TO THE
REPAIR SHOP RIGHT NOW...
NO!
I'LL-I'LL DRIVE IT...
DRIVE IT MYSELF.
OKAY. BUT BE CAREFUL.
IT TENDS TO GO IN CIRCLES.
HEARD THE KID
SMASHED UP YOUR CAR.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FILL OUT
THIS INSURANCE CLAIM FORM.
HI, DICK. I JUST WANTED
TO GET YOUR APPROVAL
ON THIS POINTER.
WELL, BESIDES BEING TOO LONG,
IT'S NOT ROUND, AND IT DOESN'T
- HAVE A POINT.
- SO, IT'S OKAY?
[STAMMERS] FORGET
IT. I'LL... I'LL TAKE IT HOME
AND HAVE MY HANDYMAN CUT IT.
OKAY.
I-I REALLY DON'T NEED A POINTER.
"CANCELING A PROP"
ORDER.
WHAT, UH... WHAT...
WHAT ABOUT THE EASEL?
THE EASEL? THE EASEL!
[LAUGHS] I WAS SO BUSY
GETTING THE POINTER
RIGHT, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.
- WELL, THAT IS THE MOST...
- OFF, DICK. I'M SORRY.
I'M ON A BREAK.
[CLEARS THROAT] HERE'S THE FORM
IF YOU WANT TO
COMPLAIN ABOUT BUD.
O-OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'VE-I'VE HAD FORMS
UP TO HERE, I HAVE
A LOG FOR A POINTER,
AND I HAVE A CAR
THAT GOES CLOCKWISE.
- SOMETHING HAS GOT
TO BE DONE!
- DICK!
WHAT?
MONDAY'S BUD'S BIRTHDAY.
WE'RE ALL CHIPPING IN $10.
[HAMMERING]
MICHAEL, IT'S...
NOON. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP SO EARLY?
I HAD ANOTHER NIGHTMARE.
IT WAS A TWO-HEADED CREATURE
THAT LOOKED LIKE DICK AND BEV.
MICHAEL, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU MAKE A WHOLE DINNER
OUT OF AEROSOL CHEESE.
MICHAEL, I'VE GOT A
LOT OF WORK TO DO
IN THE GARAGE. YOU WANT TO COME
WATCH ME HAMMER?
THANKS, GEORGE, BUT I THINK I
WATCHED LONG ENOUGH YESTERDAY
TO LAST A WHILE.
I'LL JUST GO SIT
OUT ON THE PORCH
AND WAVE AT CARS.
CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT.
STEPHANIE!
I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE.
ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?
OH, MICHAEL, HOW COULD
YOU EVEN THINK THAT?
[CHUCKLES] I'M SORRY.
- GIVE US A HUG.
- NO.
MICHAEL... OH, YOU'VE BEEN...
LIKE THIS FOR DAYS NOW.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO STOP BEING A LUMP
I HAVE TO VACUUM AROUND.
I CAN'T TELL, STEPH.
ALL I CAN DO IS SET
DAILY GOALS FOR MYSELF
AND TRY TO MEET THEM.
I BETTER GET OUT
AND START WAVING.
MICHAEL, I WANT
YOU TO COME WITH ME
TO THE STATION AND
DEMAND YOUR JOB BACK.
NO, DICK. IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.
I GOT WHAT I DESERVE.
BEV FIRED ME
BECAUSE I WAS SLIME.
I USE PEOPLE.
WELL, YEAH, BUT...
YOU-YOU WERE GOOD AT IT.
AT WHAT? SELLING OUT TO RATINGS?
PANDERING TO WHATEVER WAS
BASE AND VILE IN THE AUDIENCE?
WELL, YEAH.
THANKS FOR CHEERLEADING,
DICK. THE WORLD'S...
BETTER OFF WITH ME OUT OF WORK.
WELL, AREN'T YOU GOING
TO ARGUE WITH HIM?
HONEY, I CAN'T. FROM SLIME ON,
HE WAS RIGHT.
STEPHANIE, MAYBE YOU
CAN GET HIM TO GO WITH DICK.
HE MIGHT BE ABLE
TO GET HIS JOB BACK.
JOANNA, I'VE JUST BEEN
SUPPORTIVE FOR THREE MINUTES!
DON'T I GET ANY TIME
FOR MYSELF ANYMORE?
OH, PISH!
MICHAEL?
- GET IN HERE.
- BUT STEPH,
THERE'S A BUS COMING.
MICHAEL, LOOK AT ME!
I LOVE YOU. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
BUT WHEN I SEE YOU LIKE THIS,
I JUST WANT TO SLAP YOU SILLY.
NOW, GO AND GET THAT JOB!
I CAN'T, STEPH. I'M NOTHING.
I'M-I'M A LAMP WITHOUT A BULB.
I'M... I'M BAKED BEANS
WITHOUT THAT LITTLE GLOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CALL IT.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SALT PORK,
BUT GOD ONLY KNOWS
WHAT IT REALLY...
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'M MORE LIKE THAT.
MICHAEL, YOU ARE
NOT A PORK GLOB!
YOU HAVE TALENT!
YOU CAN SEEM SINCERE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT.
YOU CAN SWITCH
OPINIONS IN MID-SENTENCE
WITHOUT LOSING YOUR CONVICTION.
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
SCREAMS "PRODUCER."
NOW, GO BACK TO THAT
STUPID STATION AND PRODUCE!
ALL RIGHT, DICK. I HAVE
WHIPPED HIM INTO SHAPE.
NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HI, BEV. HAVE I GOT
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
YOU?
- MICHAEL?
- HELLO, MS. DUTTON.
HE, UH... HE CAN'T STAY LONG.
THIS MAN IS IN DEMAND.
MICHAEL, UH, TELL HER... TELL
HER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO.
[MUTTERING] WELL, YOU KNOW...
KIND OF... WELL, CHIPS... UH...
WHAT-WHAT HE'S... WHAT
HE'S... WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY
IS THAT HE'S CONSIDERING
A... A TON OF OTHER POSITIONS.
IS ONE OF THEM "UPRIGHT?"
CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
I'M MISSING MY SOAPS.
BEV, CAN'T YOU TAKE HIM BACK?
HE'S... HE'S A GOOD PRODUCER.
I'M SORRY, DICK.
WELL... I'M-I'M SORRY TOO. IF...
IF I DON'T GET HIM BACK, THEN...
THEN-THEN I'M WALKING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
OH, YEAH? JUST WATCH ME.
THIS... THIS IS ME. LEAVING.
DICK! HE'S A JERK.
NOW, I... I KNOW THAT,
BUT I... I NEED HIM.
YOU-YOU MEAN THAT, DICK?
DARN RIGHT, I DO.
SOMEBODY NEEDS ME!
WELL... [SIGHS]
IF YOU FEEL THAT
STRONGLY ABOUT IT,
I GUESS I CAN RECONSIDER.
- THANKS.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
MOMENTITO, GUYS AND GALS.
LET'S NOT TOSS THE
CONFETTI BEFORE THE PARADE.
WHAT ABOUT MY DEMANDS?
WHAT?
I'LL TAKE YOU BACK
AT YOUR OLD SALARY.
NO FRILLS, NO PERKS.
I'LL COME BACK FOR 10% INTEREST.
FIVE. AND YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT.
BEV, READ MY LIPS.
[LAUGHS]
THERE'S NO MORE
MONEY IN THE BUDGET.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
TAKE IT OUT OF DICK'S SALARY?
- WELL...
- NO WAY!
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
HERE YOU ARE, DICK. I FOUND YOU
A REAL NICE EASEL.
IT-IT HAS TWO LEGS.
IT'LL FALL OVER.
GREAT! SO, IT'S OKAY.
OKAY, TAKE IT... TAKE
IT OUT OF MY SALARY.
ALL RIGHT!
THE WUNDERKIND IS BACK!
THANKS, DICK. I... I WON'T
FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT.
LOOK, IT-IT'LL BE WORTH
IT JUST TO HAVE HIM
BAIL ME OUT OF ALL
THAT PAPERWORK.
WHAT PAPERWORK? I
ALWAYS HAVE LEN FILL IT OUT.
LEN CAN FILL IT OUT?