Newhart (1982–1990): Season 3, Episode 12 - Local Hero - full transcript

HONEY. I BROUGHT YOU
SOME HOT CHOCOLATE.

OH, GREAT, HONEY. JUST
POUR IT IN MY BOOTS, WILL YOU?

[PHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

YE... YES, MR. PREMIARI.

YEAH. WE KNOW YOUR ROOM IS COLD.

IT'S A PROBLEM WITH
OUR THERMOSTAT.

YEAH, OUR HANDYMAN SHOULD
BE BACK WITH A NEW ONE

IN JUST A FEW MINUTES.

WELL, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT

THAT YOUR NOSE
IS GONNA DROP OFF.



WELL THEN, STOP PULLING ON IT.

OH, GEORGE. WHAT
TOOK YOU SO LONG?

OH, I'M SORRY, BUT SOME KIDS

RAN THEIR SNOWMOBILE
INTO THE RIVER,

AND I HELPED THEM GET OUT.

- ARE THEY OKAY?
- FINE.

AND I'VE GOT THE
THERMOSTAT RIGHT HERE.

OH, THANK GOODNESS.

DON'T BELIEVE THIS DAY.

IT ISN'T ENOUGH I
HAVE TO WALK AROUND,

HIDING MY FIGURE IN THESE.

- YOU LOOK ADORABLE.
- I LOOK LIKE A BURRITO.

AND IF THAT ISN'T
ENOUGH, THEY INTERRUPTED

THE TOP 20 COUNTDOWN
ON THE RADIO 19 TIMES



FOR THE SAME
STUPID NEWS BULLETIN.

WHAT NEWS BULLETIN?

OH, ABOUT SOME STUPID GUY

WHO RISKED HIS STUPID LIFE

TO SAVE SOME STUPID KIDS

WHO DROVE THEIR
STUPID SNOWMOBILE

THROUGH THE ICE
INTO THE STUPID RIVER.

DID THEY SAY WHO...
WHO THIS HERO WAS?

NO! THAT WAS THE STUPID PART.

NOBODY KNOWS. HE
JUST DROPPED THE KIDS

AT THE HOSPITAL AND DISAPPEARED.

THE WHOLE TOWN'S
LOOKING FOR HIM.

WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING
HAPPEN TO ME?

GEORGE, DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT...

JOANNA, WOULD YOU HAND
ME THAT SCREWDRIVER?

OH MY GOD.

I KNOW WHO IT MIGHT BE.

- MICHAEL.
- YOUR MICHAEL?

IT ALL FITS. HE HASN'T
CALLED TONIGHT,

AND THE RADIO SAID IT
WAS A SELFLESS HERO.

THAT'S MICHAEL.

YOUR MICHAEL?

OH, I'VE GOTTA CALL HIM.

WHAT IS HE THINKING OF,
RISKING HIS LIFE LIKE THIS

SO CLOSE TO THE WINTER CARNIVAL?

GEORGE?

YOU'RE... YOU'RE THE
HERO, AREN'T YOU?

AW, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

ANYBODY ELSE WOULDN'T'VE DONE.

SO I'D JUST AS
SOON KEEP IT QUIET.

BUT GEORGE, EVERYONE
WANTS TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

THEY'RE ALL GOING
TO WANT TO THANK YOU.

I KNOW, AND IT'LL BE
BIFF DAVIS ALL OVER GAIN.

BIFF... BIFF DAVIS?

HE GREW A POTATO THAT LOOKED

EXACTLY LIKE CLINT EASTWOOD.

THEY PUT A PICTURE OF IT
IN THE NATIONAL TATTLE-TALE

WITH A CAPTION THAT SAID,

"GO AHEAD, BAKE MY DAY."

FANS STARTED CALLING.

MOSTLY WOMEN WHO
PRETENDED THEY LOVED HIM,

BUT THEY WERE ONLY
AFTER HIS POTATO.

HE COULDN'T SLEEP.
HE LOST HIS JOB.

HE ATE THE POTATO.

THEN ONE DAY HE DIED.

I DON'T WANT THAT
HAPPENING TO ME.

GEORGE, I... I
REALLY DON'T THINK

THAT THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

NOT IF YOU DON'T TELL.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T
WANT ME TO, I WON'T TELL.

- PROMISE?
- I PROMISE.

CROSS YOUR HEART
AND HOPE TO DIE?

CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE.

DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR... GEORGE,

I'M NOT GONNA TELL, ALL RIGHT?

WHAT ABOUT YOU, JOANNA?
YOU WON'T TELL, WILL YOU?

- NO.
- THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

YOU'LL BE RELIEVED TO
KNOW, I TALKED TO MICHAEL,

AND HE DIDN'T PULL THOSE
KIDS OUT OF THE RIVER.

REALLY.

LUCKILY ENOUGH, AT THE TIME,

HE WAS IN HIS WEEKLY
SESSION AT THE TANNING SALON.

THANK GOD FOR
NARCISSISTIC PASTIMES.

DICK? JIM AND CHESTER
WANT TO TALK TO US.

DICK, WE'VE JUST GOTTA
FIND THIS HERO FELLA.

IF IT HELPS ANY, HE'S NOT
A SUN-BRONZED ADONIS.

THE WHOLE TOWN IS ABUZZ.

THE MAN DOES THIS
COURAGEOUS DEED

AND THEN JUST DISAPPEARS.

EVERYONE WANTS TO
SHOW THEIR GRATITUDE

TO THIS NOBLE SAMARITAN.

YEAH, WE THOUGHT WE COULD
SMOKE HIM OUT WITH SOME CASH.

WE'VE BEEN TALKING TO
THE MERCHANTS IN TOWN,

AND THEY'RE ALL PUTTING
UP SOME REWARD MONEY.

WELL, IT'S JUST POSSIBLE
THAT, YOU KNOW, HE'S A SHY MAN

WHO PREFERS TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS.

YOU SAYING YOU DON'T
WANNA PUT UP ANY MONEY?

NO-NO, NO, I'LL MAKE
A CONTRIBUTION.

WHAT IS... WHAT IS
EVERYONE ELSE GIVING?

50? 100?

WELL, MOST PEOPLE
ARE GIVING FIVE,

BUT THAT HUNDRED SOUNDS GOOD.

OKAY IF I USE THE PHONE?

I WANNA FIND OUT HOW MUCH
THE OTHER GUYS HAVE RAISED.

HELP YOURSELF.

I NEVER THOUGHT
THERE'D BE A REWARD.

WELL THAT'S NOT ALL.
THE MAYOR'S GONNA

GIVE THIS FELLA
THE KEY TO THE CITY.

A KEY TO THE CITY?

WELL, IT DOESN'T
REALLY OPEN ANYTHING.

NO, THAT'S TRUE, BUT IT DOES
START WILLY FRYE'S TRACTOR.

JIM.

WE'VE GOT TO SAY SOMETHING.

HONEY, IF WE TELL, IT'S GONNA BE

BIFF DAVIS'S POTATO
ALL OVER AGAIN.

I MEAN, CAN YOU LIVE WITH THAT?

AYUP. WELL...

MR. ANONYMOUS JUST CAME FORWARD

TO CLAIM HIS REWARD.

- HE DID?
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.

YEAH, WHO WOULD'VE
GUESSED IT WAS CRAZY OLLIE?

- CRAZY OLLIE?
- AYUH.

BUT THAT'S THE MAN WHO SPENDS
HIS DAYS DIRECTING TRAFFIC.

IN WOODEN SHOES
AND A BAND UNIFORM.

THAT'S THE ONE. SO
DICK, IF YOU'D CARE

TO WRITE THAT CHECK?

WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, I
MEAN, DON'T YOU THINK

YOU OUGHT TO INVESTIGATE THIS
BEFORE YOU TURN THE MONEY OVER?

COMES OUT OF THE
MOUTH A LOT EASIER

THAN THE WALLET, EH, DICK?

NO, I'M JUST SAYING, I
DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT

TO... TO TAKE THE WORD OF A
MAN WHOSE FIRST WORD IS "CRAZY."

AND ALSO, I DON'T
THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA

TO GIVE HIM MONEY

AND THE KEY TO DRIVE
HEAVY FARM EQUIPMENT.

OH, HE WON'T NEED
A TRACTOR, DICK.

HANK CAPRO'S GONNA LEND
HIM A BRAND-NEW CADILLAC.

- THE CAR THAT TALKS TO YOU?
- HONEY?

AND THEY'RE DEDICATING
THE NEW TEETER-TOTTER

IN THE SCHOOLYARD
IN CRAZY OLLIE'S NAME.

WHAT IS CRAZY OLLIE'S NAME?

WELL, WHATEVER
IT IS, IT'LL LIVE ON.

BECAUSE WHEN TALES
OF HEROES ARE TOLD.

THIS WHOLE TOWN WILL
REMEMBER THE NAME...

GEORGE UTLEY.

- HUH?
- GEORGE?

DICK.

WE PROMISED WE
WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING,

BUT HE TOLD US THE WHOLE STORY.

HE SAVED THOSE KIDS.

OH.

WELL, IT DID SEEM KIND OF ODD

THAT OLLIE SAID THERE WERE
FOUR KIDS INSTEAD OF TWO.

AND THAT HE SCOOPED 'EM
OUT OF THE RIVER WITH A SPOON.

LET'S GO CONGRATULATE GEORGE.

WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE, I'D
BETTER SPEAK TO HIM FIRST.

IN FACT, I'D APPRECIATE IT

IF YOU DIDN'T LET
THIS GO ANY FURTHER

UNTIL AFTER I TALK TO HIM.

- OKAY.
- MUM'S THE WORD.

JUST A MINUTE.

OKAY, COME ON IN.

HI, GEORGE.

YOU, UH, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

YEAH, SURE THING, I WAS
JUST FOLDING MY LAUNDRY.

I LOVE THE SMELL
OF FRESH LAUNDRY.

HERE, TAKE A WHIFF.

IS THAT SUNSHINE IN
YOUR NOSE, OR WHAT?

CLOSE ENOUGH.

GRAB THAT END, WOULD YOU?

UH, GEORGE, REMEMBER HOW

YOU WANTED IT KEPT A SECRET
HOW YOU SAVED THOSE KIDS?

YEP.

THAT'S THE PLAN.

WELL, I HAD TO MOVE TO PLAN B.

WHAT'S PLAN B?

THAT'S WHERE I OPEN MY BIG MOUTH

AND SPILL THE WHOLE
STORY TO JIM AND CHESTER.

BAD PLAN.

WELL, YOU MIGHT LIKE IT, GEORGE.

I MEAN, THEY WANNA
GIVE YOU MONEY

AND A KEY TO THE CITY
AND A CAR THAT TALKS.

DICK, DID THE BIFF DAVIS STORY

MEAN NOTHING?

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY, GEORGE.

LIFE CAN SURE TURN ON YOU FAST.

GEORGE, IT MAY NOT
BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK.

JIM AND CHESTER PROMISED
NOT TO TELL ANYONE

UNTIL I SAID IT WAS OKAY.

I'LL CALL 'EM AND TELL
'EM TO KEEP THE LID ON.

MR. UTLEY! MR. UTLEY!

WHY DID YOU WAIT SO
LONG TO COME FORWARD?

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A HERO?

HONEY, DID YOU FIND GEORGE?

NO, I THINK HE'S AVOIDING
ME, AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM?

WELL, DON'T BE SO
HARD ON YOURSELF.

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING
THE RIGHT THING AT THE TIME.

WELL, I... I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

BESIDES, IF I HADN'T
TOLD JIM AND CHESTER,

- YOU WOULD HAVE.
- I WOULD NOT.

I GAVE GEORGE MY WORD.

WHAT? YOU WERE THE ONE

WHO WAS DYING
TO SPILL THE BEANS.

BUT... AND THIS IS
THE POINT, I DIDN'T.

FACE IT, DICK. YOU JUST
CAN'T HOLD YOUR BEANS.

DICK, JOANNA.

A REPORTER JUST ASKED ME

IF HE COULD LOOK
THROUGH OUR GARBAGE.

I TOLD HIM NO. IS
THAT ALL RIGHT?

- FINE.
- OH GOOD.

SEE, MY FIRST IMPULSE
WAS TO SAY, "OH YEAH,

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU
DISGUSTING PIECE OF FILTH.

BUT THEN I REMEMBERED
IT'S NOT REALLY MY DECISION.

I THINK YOU PRETTY WELL CAPTURED

OUR THOUGHTS ON THE SUBJECT.

- HI, ALL.
- OH! MICHAEL!

OH!

OH!

[STEPHANIE SIGHS]

THAT WAS WELL WORTH THE RUMPLE.

OH, I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT
WHEN I REMEMBER THE OTHER NIGHT,

IT GIVES ME THE GOOSEYS.

TO THINK IF YOU HAD
LEFT THAT TANNING SALON

JUST AN HOUR EARLIER, GONE
HOME BY A DIFFERENT ROUTE,

AND HADN'T HAD THE RADIO ON
TOO LOUD TO HEAR THE CRIES,

IT MIGHT'VE BEEN YOU
WHO DOVE INTO THAT RIVER.

I COULD'VE LOST YOU.

I'M STILL SHAKING.

YEAH, PROMISE US YOU'LL NEVER

TAKE A CHANCE LIKE THAT AGAIN.

WELL, THIS CALLS
FOR A CELEBRATION.

I'M GOING TO GO
MOISTURIZE THIS FACE

AND MAKE YOU GLAD YOU
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOOLISH.

GREAT.

OH, DICK.

WHAT POPS INTO
YOUR MIND WHEN I SAY,

"THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH?"

- THE CIRCUS.
- WRONG.

VERMONT TODAY,
STARRING DICK LOUDON,

WITH THIS SUNDAY'S
GUEST, GEORGE UTLEY.

GEORGE IS HOT. GEORGE IS NOW.
GEORGE IS WHAT'S HAPPENING.

GEORGE IS MAD AT ME.

WELL, WHATEVER THE PROB
IS, HE'LL FORGET ABOUT IT

WHEN YOU OFFER THAT AIRTIME.

HE WON'T GO ON THE SHOW.
HE HATES BEING FAMOUS.

THAT'S THE PROB.

DID... DID I JUST SAY "PROB?"

WOW. CASSEROLE-A-RAMA.

LOOK AT THIS. EVERYWHERE I WENT,

PEOPLE KEPT FORCING STUFF ON ME.

AT THE BANK, ALL
THE TELLERS INSISTED

ON POSING WITH ME IN FRONT
OF THE SECURITY CAMERA.

AND THEN AT THE FILLING STATION,

JOLENE NOT ONLY
CHECKED UNDER THE HOOD,

SHE GREASED THE AXLES.

AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN WORK THERE.

THE REGULAR
MECHANIC WAS TOO BUSY

MAKING ME A CASSEROLE.

GEORGE, THIS IS MY
FAULT, AND I'M SORRY.

IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

IT WAS?

GEORGE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE

TO APPEAR ON VERMONT TODAY?

I'D LOVE IT!

- YOU WOULD?
- THANKS, DICK.

YOU'RE THE BEST
FRIEND I EVER HAD.

- I AM?
- NONE OF THIS
WOULD'VE HAPPENED

IF YOU HADN'T SPILLED THE BEANS.

DICK! GUESS WHO'S IN
THE HEADLINES AGAIN?

"11-YEAR-OLD GIRL
HAS SCIENCE PROJECT

ACCEPTED BY NASA."

WELL, NOT THIS HEADLINE.

THAT HEADLINE.

"LOCAL HERO AT
GROUNDBREAKING CEREMONY

FOR ICE CREAM PARLOR."
THAT'S NICE, GEORGE.

DID YOU SEE MY QUOTE?

"QUIPPED UTLEY,

"'MAYBE I SHOULD
DO ONE SHOVEL-FULL

FOR EACH FLAVOR.'"

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

THE CROWD LAUGHED
APPRECIATIVELY.

I'LL TRY TO BE THAT FUNNY

WHEN I DO YOUR SHOW, DICK.

OH, BY THE WAY,

IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD
KNOW BEFORE WE DO IT?

WELL, IT'S PRETTY
STRAIGHTFORWARD.

I'LL SIMPLY INTRODUCE YOU,

AND THEN YOU TELL WHAT
HAPPENED IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

WELL, I WAS DRIVING
BY THE RIVER,

I SAW THE KIDS, AND I SAVED 'EM.

AND THEN MAYBE I'LL TRY TO...

DRAW YOU OUT A LITTLE BIT.

HI, GUYS.

GEORGE, I NEED TO TALK
TO DICK FOR A MOMENT

ABOUT VERMONT TODAY.

OH, GOOD.

GEORGE, DON'T I HEAR SOME KIDS

GOING THROUGH THE ICE SOMEWHERE?

OH, YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE, RIGHT?

- IF IT'S OKAY.
- WELL, I DO HAVE A LOT OF

"THANK YOU FOR THE
CASSEROLE" NOTES TO WRITE.

THEY DON'T MAKE A CARD
FOR THAT, YOU KNOW.

DICK, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT
THIS KELLY HEPPLEWHITE KID?

THE ONE WHO'S GOT
A SCIENCE PROJECT

GOING UP ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE?

YEAH, SHE'S IN THE PAPER TODAY.

PAPER TODAY, YOUR SHOW SUNDAY.

HERE'S THE POOP ON THE SITE.

MICHAEL, WAIT.

- THIS SUNDAY?
- PROBLEM, DICK?

THIS SUNDAY IS GEORGE'S SHOW.

KELLY CAN DO OUR SHOW NEXT WEEK.

DICK, IF IT WERE UP TO ME,
HEY, PERFECT SOLUTION.

BUT SHE'S OFF TO THE
SPACE CENTER MONDAY.

THEN ONTO THE COAST AND MERV.

BUT GEORGE, HE'S PRETTY MUCH
HERE WHENEVER WE NEED HIM.

EITHER GEORGE GOES
ON THE SHOW, OR I DON'T.

WELL, THIS SMACKS OF ULTIMATUM.

YEAH.

WELL, OKAY, DICK.
IT'S YOUR SHOW.

THAT'S WHY WE CALL
IT VERMONT TODAY.

AND GEORGE, YOU'LL
BE SITTING HERE.

OH, UH, MAYBE I SHOULD TELL YOU.

SOMETIME DURING THE
PROGRAM, I MIGHT MAKE A MISTAKE.

I THOUGHT I'D GET US ON ONE
OF THOSE BLOOPER SHOWS.

DICK, GEORGE, LOOK WHO'S HERE?

LITTLE KELLY HEPPLEWHITE.

THIS IS UNCLE GEORGE
AND UNCLE DICK.

- HI.
- HOW DO YOU DO?

THE GIRL WITH THE
SCIENCE PROJECT.

YOU KNOW, DICK,
WHEN KELLY SHOWED UP

ACCIDENTALLY SO
CLOSE TO SHOWTIME,

IT KIND OF SPARKED AN IDEA.

BUT THIS SHOW IS
UNCLE GEORGE'S SHOW.

[P.A. VOICE] 15 SECONDS
TO AIR. PLACES, EVERYONE.

- MICHAEL...
- UH, NO TIME, DICK.

- MICHAEL!
- TEN SECONDS, PLEASE.

THANK YOU FOR
HAVING ME ON THE SHOW.

I NEEDED SOME PRACTICE FOR MERV.

[ANNOUNCER] AND NOW,
IT'S VERMONT TODAY.

STARRING DICK LOUDON.

WITH TODAY'S SPECIAL GUEST,

SCIENCE WHIZ LITTLE
KELLY HEPPLEWHITE.

HI, I'M DICK LOUDON.

OUR REALLY SPECIAL GUEST

IS A RENOWNED LOCAL HERO

YOU'VE BEEN HEARING
SO MUCH ABOUT.

THE MAN WHO RISKED HIS
LIFE TO SAVE TWO CHILDREN

FROM AN ICY RIVER.

GEORGE UTLEY.

WE'RE ALSO JOINED
BY KELLY HEPPLEWHITE.

WHO HAS SOME...
SCIENCE PROJECT THAT...

NASA'S APPARENTLY INTERESTED IN.

INTERESTED? THEY CHOSE ME

OUT OF 4,000 KIDS.

WELL, IT ALL SOUNDS A
LITTLE TOO COMPLICATED

FOR US ON THIS SHOW.

OH, IT'S NOT THAT
COMPLICATED, MR. LOUDON.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE
IF SEEDS WOULD KNOW

WHICH WAY TO SPROUT IN A
WEIGHTLESS ENVIRONMENT.

SO WHAT I DID WAS,
I TOOK THE PLANTS...

AND IF IT TURNS
OUT LIKE WE HOPE,

MAYBE SOMEDAY THERE'LL BE
GARDENS ORBITING THE EARTH.

I THINK THAT'D BE NEAT.

WELL, IT REALLY IS SIMPLE

WHEN YOU BREAK IT
DOWN INTO SECTIONS.

AND SUB-SECTIONS.

WE'LL BE TAKING PHONE
CALLS IN A FEW MINUTES,

SO YOU CAN HEAR THE
SOUND OF ANOTHER VOICE.

BUT FIRST, I KNOW EVERYONE

WOULD LIKE TO HEAR
FROM GEORGE UTLEY

ABOUT HIS HEROIC
ATTEMPT... [PHONE RINGS]

WE... WE'LL BE TAKING
YOUR PHONE CALLS

AFTER WE TALK TO GEORGE.

[PHONE RINGS]

I THINK YOU'D
BETTER ANSWER THAT,

LICK DOUDON. OOPS!

I MEAN, DICK LOUDON.

THIS IS DICK LOUDON.
VERMONT TODAY.

[WOMAN] HELLO, KELLY?

YES?

DON'T ALL SEEDS SPROUT
TOWARDS THE SUN?

WELL, EVERYTHING CHANGES

WHEN IT'S WEIGHTLESS.
LIKE IN SPACE...

YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING.

WEIGHTLESSNESS IS NOT UNLIKE

A FEELING A PERSON GETS

WHEN THEY'RE
SUBMERGED IN ICY WATER.

ISN'T THAT TRUE, GEORGE?

GEE, DICK, I WAS
IN AND OUT SO FAST,

I REALLY WOULDN'T KNOW.

[PHONE RINGS]

WELL, LET'S... LET'S GET
ON TO OUR NEXT CALL.

VERMONT TODAY.

[MAN] YEAH, I HAVE A QUESTION
ABOUT PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

WELL, OKAY. OKAY. WHO
WOULD LIKE TO HANDLE THAT?

HEY, NOT ME.

I'LL TAKE IT.

I HAD A FEELING YOU WOULD.

WELL, IT ALL HAS TO
DO WITH CHLOROPHYLL.

YOU SEE, WHEN THE
SUN'S RAYS HIT THE PLANT...

WE'RE BACK. DURING
THE COMMERCIAL,

KELLY CONFIDED
IN ME HER THROAT'S

GETTING A LITTLE SORE, SO...

SO WHY DON'T WE GIVE HER A REST?

I DIDN'T SAY THAT MY THROAT
WAS SORE. ALL I SAID WAS...

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, HONEY.

SO IN THE FEW
MINUTES WE HAVE LEFT,

LET'S HEAR FROM ALL THOSE PEOPLE

WHO HAVE QUESTIONS
FOR GEORGE UTLEY.

THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH MY VOICE.

[PHONE RINGS]

- VERMONT TODAY.
- [WOMAN] I HAVE A QUESTION
FOR KELLY.

WELL, MAYBE YOU
WEREN'T LISTENING.

WE'RE ONLY TAKING
QUESTIONS FOR GEORGE UTLEY.

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR HIM?

UH, NO.

[DIAL TONE]

OKAY, I'M SURE THERE'S
A LOT OF YOU OUT THERE

WHO DO HAVE
QUESTIONS FOR GEORGE.

- SO...
- [PHONE RINGS]

YOU'RE ON THE AIR.

[MAN] KELLY?

LOOK, I'M NOT GOING
TO SAY IT AGAIN.

WE'RE ONLY TAKING
CALLS FOR GEORGE UTLEY.

CALM DOWN, DICK.

NO, I'VE HAD IT
WITH THESE PEOPLE.

[PHONE RINGS]

CALL GEORGE
UTLEY, OR DON'T CALL.

[RINGING STOPS]

LOOK, COME ON.
THIS MAN SAVED LIVES.

SHE GROWS PLANTS.

[PHONE RINGS]

THIS BETTER BE FOR GEORGE UTLEY.

HELLO?

I HAVE A QUESTION
FOR GEORGE UTLEY.

- FINALLY.
- WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION?

WHERE DO YOU GET OFF LYING
ABOUT HOW YOU SAVED THOSE KIDS?

I SAVED THEM, AND I'VE
GOT THE SPOON TO PROVE IT.

OLLIE?

OLLIE, I THINK WE
HAVE TO MOVE ON.

OH, BUT I HAVE A
QUESTION FOR KELLY.

GOODBYE, OLLIE.

WELL, WE ONLY HAVE TIME...

FOR NOTHING ELSE.

JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR
ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

VERMONT TODAY.

[P.A. VOICE] AND WE'RE CLEAR.

- MICHAEL!
- BOFFO SHOW, DICK!

YOU INSENSITIVE
RATING-GRABBING JERK!

DICK, DICK, TINY EARS.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR TINY MIND?

TAKE IT EASY, DICK.
IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

WHAT?

LET'S FACE IT. NOBODY
WANTED TO TALK TO ME.

AND YOUR YELLING
LIKE THAT DIDN'T HELP.

I HAD THE SAME NOTE, DICK.

MICHAEL, GET OUT OF
HERE, OR YOU GOT BIG PROBS.

RIGHT.

YOU... YOU ALL RIGHT, GEORGE?

YEAH.

GEORGE, YOU KNOW, YOU'LL...

I MEAN, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A HERO.

THANKS.

WELL, YOU WANNA GRAB A PIZZA?

DICK, I'M A GROWN MAN.

ARE YOU JUST SAYING
THAT TO CHEER ME UP?

YEAH.

WELL THEN, MAKE IT ICE CREAM.

WELL, I GAVE HANK
CATWELL BACK HIS CAR.

IT DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE.

I'M SORRY, GEORGE.

BOY, YOU THINK YOU KNOW A CAR.

- HI.
- HI.

WE'D LIKE A ROOM.

AND FRIENDS OF OURS TOLD US

WE SHOULD STAY IN THE
JAMES MADISON SUITE.

WELL, THE JAMES
MADISON SUITE IS NICE.

BUT I REALLY RECOMMEND YOU TAKE

THE GEORGE UTLEY SUITE.

THE BEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE.

♪♪ [THEME MUSIC]