Newhart (1982–1990): Season 2, Episode 22 - New Faces of 1951 - full transcript

- Good morning.
- Hi, Kirk.

- Good morning, Kirk.

- Aw, now, this is
what I like to see...

Two people who, after
16 years of marriage,

still aren't tired of ignoring
each other in the morning.

- What is it, Kirk?

- I just came over because
I wanted you to be the first

to hear the good news.

I'm doing something
you've probably been hoping

I'd do for a long time.

- Moving?



- I'm painting the cafe.

Anyway, I thought, since
making the Minuteman look better

will make the inn look better,

you wouldn't mind
loaning me a few things.

- Like what?
- Like George.

- Who ordered these?
- We did!

- If you want George to
help you paint your cafe,

it's up to him.

- Looking at all this
food is killing me.

I'm starving.

- Why don't you eat?

- I can't, I'm fasting.

- Diet or political protest?

- Diet.



I have a date with this really
great guy from Dartmouth,

whose name I have
written down somewhere.

If I don't lose four pounds
between now and then,

I won't be able to get into
the jeans I wanna wear.

- Wouldn't it be
simpler to just wear

another pair of jeans?

- It's not the pants,
it's the principle.

I want to prove I can be
committed to something.

And believe me, this
guy is worth committing to.

He's going to be
a very successful

corporate lawyer someday.

- How do you know that?

- Because his father owns a
very successful corporation.

- Stephanie, I don't
think it's healthy

to just stop eating.

- What good's my health
if I don't get this guy?

- Good morning, everybody.
- Hi, George.

- Finally!

I need someone to paint my cafe,

and they said to ask you.

- That is not exactly
what we said.

- Are you asking
me to do this for free?

Of course not.

- I'll come over after breakfast
and give you an estimate.

- Stephanie, can we get
George some breakfast?

- Oh, right.

- By the way, here's your mail.

- Listen, not to
change the subject,

but when you're giving
me the estimate, George,

just figure on the
front of the cafe.

That's all anybody sees anyway.

- Here's something for you.
- For me?

Joe Crowther. Oh,
I know what this is.

- What?

- It's a birthday card
from my insurance man.

- When's your birthday?
- Tuesday.

He always sends
me a birthday card.

If it wasn't for Joe,

I think I'd forget
I had a birthday.

Oh, that's nice.

- What does it say?
- "Happy birthday."

- That is nice.

- We didn't know it was
your birthday Tuesday.

- Well, I'm not the kind

that makes a big
deal about birthdays.

- Not like Joe.

- I think we should
do something.

I think we should have
a party to celebrate.

- Gee, I haven't had a
birthday party since...

I've never had a birthday party.

- Never?

- My father was a
real practical man.

When I'd ask him for one,

he'd lift me on his knee
and look me in the eye,

and say no.

- This year is
gonna be different.

Let's make a list.

Who would you like to invite?

- Can't think of anybody.

- What are you talking about?
You know everybody in town.

- They wouldn't want to
come to a party for me.

- Huh. What if it
was a painting party?

- Look, I'll tell you what:

why don't you let
us plan the party?

We'll invite all the people.

You just show up and
be the guest of honor.

- Gosh, are you sure
you want to do this?

- Of course. You
just leave it to us,

and next Tuesday night,
you'll have the time of your life.

- Here's your breakfast, George.

I'm sorry the eggs
are a little runny.

I got tired of waiting for them.

- Stephanie, guess what.

Dick and Joanna are gonna
throw me a birthday party.

- That's wonderful!
When's your birthday?

- Tuesday.
- Isn't that a coincidence?

We have something in common.
- Your birthday is Tuesday?

- No, my date's Tuesday.

- That's Tuesday at 7 p.m.

Oh, that's too bad.

If the funeral
breaks early and...

you feel like a party, why
don't you come on by?

- Hello. Is Joe Crowther there?

- Thanks, George.

Wait'll you see what
I bought for the party.

- What?

- Balloons, streamers,
confetti, noise makers.

- Oh, Joanna, you didn't
have to get all this stuff for me.

Did you get hats?
- Sure.

- Oh, great.

- Where's Dick?
- He's in his study.

I think he's calling people
and inviting them to my party.

- Joe, I felt sure
you'd want to come.

Because you send him a
birthday card every year.

Yes, you do.

Maybe you don't, but
your secretary does.

Well, somebody does,
because every year

he gets a card with
your name on it.

Oh, I never thought of that.

It probably is a computer
at your main office.

That is a nice
personal touch, yes,

I'm glad, Joe.

If I were with your company,

I'm sure I'd be
proud of them, too.

Good-bye.

- Aren't these great?
- Yeah.

- How's the guest list coming?

- Is George outside?
- Yeah.

- We're just going over some
secret plans for the party.

No one's coming.

- What do you mean?

- I called everybody
I can think of,

and nobody's coming.
- How can that be?

- Either they're
at a PTA meeting,

or one of their kids is sick,

or their dog is pregnant,

or whatever the
reason, nobody's coming.

- Dick, this is terrible.
What do we do?

- I guess we go out there
and tell George the party's off.

- We can't do that.

George told us nobody
would wanna come,

and we said he was wrong.

How could we go out there
now and tell him he was right?

- I tried everybody
I could think of.

Tell me who to call.

- Did you try the mailman?

- Good, Joanna. We'll
have a party for George.

It'll be you, me, and Kirk.

We'll say, "To prove that
you have friends, George,

here is the mailman."

- There must be people
we haven't thought of.

Maybe he's got an
address book, or a yearbook.

We could look for names there.

- You mean ransack
George's room?

- No, but Stephanie
cleans in there.

She should know
where things are.

- Hi, guys.

Good news. I don't have
to paint the cafe after all.

George said the
only thing I have to do

to make it look better is
hose down the dirt and grime.

- Good.
- It's great.

I can do the same
thing to the inside.

- Kirk, we're not
interested in your dirty cafe.

We have more important
problems on our mind.

- What's wrong?

- Kirk, maybe you can help us.

Dick's been trying all day,

and nobody can
come to George's party.

- And you want me to tell him?

- No, we were wondering
if you could think

of anybody to invite.

Is there anyone who
comes to your cafe?

- You mean period,
or who knows George?

- This isn't getting
us anywhere.

- Then we don't have any choice.

We're just going to have
to search George's room.

- I agree. Let's go.

- You're not. You don't even
know what we're talking about.

We have to find an address book.

You stay here and
keep George occupied.

- Okay, but don't take too long.

It's not like I have
a lot to say to him.

- Well, is everything
all set for the party?

- Just about, George.
Where's Stephanie?

- I think she's in doing dishes.

- Well, plans and more plans.

See you later.

- How you doing?
- Oh, good.

- How are you?
- Good.

So, George, what's
your middle name?

- I've never seen anything
like an address book

when I clean in here,

but then I don't
clean that thoroughly.

- All right, everybody
spread out,

and look for anything
with people's names on it.

- This is fun. I love snooping.

- We're not snooping.

- Well, I love
whatever we're doing.

- Isn't this strange?
- What?

- We've known George
ever since we moved here,

and this is the first time
we've ever been in his room.

- Yeah, so?

- It's just that, now
that we're here,

I feel there are things about
him I never knew before.

Look at this trophy.

I didn't know George was
on his high school track team.

And look at the fishing poles.

- He was probably on his
high school fishing team.

Honey, would you
please keep searching?

- Yeah.
- I found something.

- What?

-It's my little fuzzy thing. I
wondered where I'd left it.

Whew.
- What's the matter?

- When I haven't
eaten in this long,

I get a little light-headed.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah. I kind of like it.

- Wait a minute!
Here's an address book!

It's all blank.

- Maybe George was right.

Maybe George doesn't
have any friends.

- What's this
picture on the wall?

"The 32nd Support Group,
Vermont Air National Guard,

Korea, 1951."

- Let me see that.

- I didn't know George
was in the Korean War.

- I didn't know Vermont
was in the Korean war.

- Stephanie, eat something.

- Dick, do you think George
was close to these men?

- Sure, guys never
forget buddies

they made in the service.

- You never talk about the
guys you met in the service.

- I didn't like them,
but I never forgot them.

- Why don't we throw a
party with these guys?

- How would we
ever track them down?

- Well, they were all in the
Vermont National Guard.

I bet there's a good chance

that a lot of them
are still in Vermont.

- I wouldn't know
where to begin.

- The names of the captain
and the two lieutenants

are right here. That's a start.

- That was 30 years ago.

We don't know if
George has anything

in common with
these guys anymore.

- We promised him a party.
- This could be a disaster.

This could be the
worst party of all time.

- Its either that, or go down
and break George's heart.

- I think you should
have the party.

If you break his heart,
there won't be any cake.

- You can make it? Great.

We'll see you at 7. Good-bye.

- How's it going?

- I think we're making progress.

I've been able to track down
27 guys from George's unit.

- That's wonderful!
How many are coming?

- Six.

- Well, that's a start.

- Hi! So how are
things at party central?

- Fine.

- I just came over
to offer my services

as your caterer.

- Thanks, Kirk, but
I'd rather do it myself.

- Joanna, why go
to all that trouble

when I can deliver
a food fantasy

to your doorstep?

- Kirk, I've seen flies who
wouldn't eat your food.

- I was thinking of something
like finger sandwiches

stuffed with cream cheese,

mushrooms stuffed
with crab meat,

stuffed celery.

- You gonna serve
this with beer?

- I want to serve
something nice.

Besides, who says
we're having beer?

- Joanna, we promised
George a big party.

So far, that party is six guys

and the only reason
they're coming is free beer.

- What do you want to
serve, cocktail wieners?

- Whoa! Now you're
talking about my specialty.

- You can bring those, but
I'm still gonna stuff something.

- I don't think we need

that much food
for only six guys.

- I'm sure there'll be
more by tomorrow night.

- I hope so.

- Gee, do you think
George will be disappointed

if only six guys come?

- All depends on
his expectations.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi. George.

What have you got
there, your cleaning?

- No, I figured as long as

you guys were
going to all the trouble

to throw me this big party,

I should buy a new suit.

- You're expecting
a lot tomorrow night,

aren't you, George?

- It's gonna be the
biggest night of my life.

Do you wanna see
how I look in my suit?

- No, we're busy working
on some last-minute details

for the biggest
night of your life.

- I think I'll show
it to Stephanie.

Boy, I can't wait
till tomorrow night.

- We're in trouble.

- Hey, Stephanie!

You wanna see me
in my birthday suit?

- We're just gonna
have to get more people.

- I know, I'll keep calling.

- Okay, I'm going
to go to the store.

- I'll start defrosting
those wieners.

- Good luck, honey.
- Thanks.

Hi. Is this Randall Donnegan?

You don't know me.
My name is Dick Loudon.

I'm calling about a reunion

for your old
National Guard unit.

No, you're not being
recalled. It's a reunion.

Tomorrow at 7:00.

It is kind of short notice.

Are you sure you can't make it?

I guess we'll have to
drink your share of the beer.

Okay, let me give
you the directions.

- George, you look
wonderful in your new suit.

- Thank you, Joanna.

- But you can't stay.
- I don't understand

why I can't be here
for the start of my party.

- We told you, we've got
some surprise guests coming,

and we don't want you to
come out till they're all here.

Come on, please.

It'll just be a few
more minutes.

You go back to your
room, and we'll call you.

- This is exciting.

It hasn't even started,

and already it's the best party

I've ever been to.

Boy, do those look delicious.

- Tell me about it.

Gee, Joanna, the
room looks nice.

- Thanks.

I'm hoping with all the
streamers and balloons,

George won't notice
there are only nine guys.

Could you blow up
the last of the balloons

while I put these around?

- Sure.

How's that?

- On second thought, maybe
we have enough balloons.

- Well, then I'm
going to go upstairs

and lie down before
my date gets here.

- Stephanie, are you
sure you're feeling all right?

- Yeah, I'm only lying down
so I can put on my jeans.

- Kirk, can we talk
about this later?

- Who caters a party without
agreeing on a fee first?

- I'm not going to pay $75

for cocktail wieners
for nine guys.

- Fine, then you're
not gonna have any.

- Fine.
- How about $10?

- I'll give you 10.
- Right now.

- What are these?
- Just what you ordered.

- Kirk, we wanted
cocktail wieners.

- These are wieners.

You're gonna serve
them with cocktails.

Cocktail wieners.

- I'm at least gonna put
some toothpicks in those.

- So when do the troops pull in?

They should be here any minute.

I just hope they all show up.

- Well, anybody with any class
at all will be fashionably late.

- Is this where the beer is?

- Why don't I tell Joanna

these guys don't
need tooth picks?

- Yeah. Come on
in. I'm Dick Loudon.

- Is this the party?

- Yeah. Come on
in. I'm Dick Loudon.

- Marv! Gene!

It's been 30 years!
- Yes!

- You remember Mike and Randy.

- Sure. How are
you? Good to see you.

- It sure is good to see you.

- Hey! Look who's
here! Randy and Boots!

- Since we're all here,
let's start the introductions.

I'm Dick Loudon.
This is my wife Joanna.

- Is this where the reunion is?

- I thought there were
only gonna be nine guys,

but this is great.

- These guys
weren't with the unit.

They're my neighbors.

I hope it's okay I
brought them along.

- It's great. I was just going
to start the introductions.

- Hey!
- This is my...

- Hey! We heard
there was a party!

- Forget the introductions.
You guys serve yourselves.

- Where do you park?
Is the lawn okay?

- No! Don't park on the lawn!

- I just parked on
the lawn. Is that okay?

- There's no
parking on the lawn!

- Where are all these
people coming from?

- I don't know!
- Hey! Come on in, guys!

This looks like it!

- Are you with the
32nd Support Group?

- No, but I think the guy who
told us about the party was.

Somebody toss me a beer.

- Hey! Hey!

- Could everybody please
try to use their coasters?

- Somebody toss me a coaster!
- Heads up!

- All right!
- Thank you.

- Excuse me. My
name is Eric Hall.

I have a date with
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

- Right. Let me call her.

- You certainly do a
great business here.

- Stephanie!
- Who ate all the chips?

- Coming.
- Your date's here.

I figured.

- Hi.

- You look great.

- Oh, come on,
they're just jeans.

- Ready to go?
- Yeah.

May I please hold
on to your arm?

- Yeah.

- Hey! Look what I
found in the other room!

- Don't blow that.
It's an antique.

- Dick, honey, don't be angry.

Just remember how happy
George will be when he sees all this.

- George, I completely
forgot about George.

Why don't you get him out here?

Maybe when they see him,

they'll take destruction
off their minds.

Guys! Guys! Could I
have your attention?

- Ten-hut!

- Guys, I know this
is a big night for you,

and it's understandable that
you might be a little rowdy.

- This is our inn and our home,

and we're proud of it.

It's survived over 200 years,

and we hope, with your help,

maybe we could preserve
it for one more night.

Just try not to get
too carried away.

- Hey, hey!

- Hey, look, it's Crazy Harry!

- My idol!

- Hey, guys! There's
wine in this room!

- Guys, nothing with corks!

- Don't worry.

- How can they open a wine
bottle without a corkscrew?

- Hey, Harry! We
need you in here.

- Here he is, everybody...
The birthday boy.

- George is here. Lock the door.

Guys, your guest of
honor, George Utley.

- I don't believe this. Where
did you find all these guys?

- Don't you recognize them?
- No.

- Some you may not
recognize, but look closely.

- Try thinking back
about 30 years.

- Okay.

- Their picture is on your wall.

These are the Boston Red Socks?

- No, on the other wall.
- The 32nd Support Group!

- To the 32nd Support Group!

- Boy, I never thought
I'd get to meet these guys.

- What are you talking about?

You were in the
service with them.

- No, I wasn't.

- Their picture is on your wall.

- I only have their
picture on my wall,

because I like the airplane.

- God bless the P-51.

- This is the biggest
night in your life,

and you don't recognize
anybody in the room?

- Well, I know you and Joanna.

- That's not the point.

We spent three days
calling all over Vermont

so you could spend your birthday

surrounded with your friends.

- Well, I think I am.

- Oh, George.

- Hey, don't be upset.

I might make friends
with some of these guys.

- Happy birthday, George.

Happy birthday!

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- Oh, no! What happened?

- She just gave out about
halfway down the street.

- Food...

- Well, I don't know
about you guys,

but I had a wonderful time.

- I'm glad you enjoyed it,

'cause it's never
gonna happen again.

- Does anybody know
what hot dogs are made of?

- Yeah, they're all the
trimmings and leftovers

that meat packers
have lying around,

and they grind them up
and squish 'em together.

- Well, they're fabulous.

- Hey, guys. Watch this.

Crazy Harry just taught me
the beer can smashing trick.

Ready?

- Hey!