Newhart (1982–1990): Season 2, Episode 20 - Vermont Today - full transcript
A local TV station offers Dick his own public affairs show.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just making some
notes on my new book.
- I thought you said last
night you weren't going
to take that assignment.
- I know, but I called them
this morning and said I would.
- But I thought you said
you weren't interested
in glass blowing.
- That's not true. I, I
like, uh, glass blowing.
Matter of fact, I've already
thought of some chapters,
like blowing your own ashtrays.
Blowing your own candy bowls,
not to mention all the
animals you can blow.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh, hi, Kirk.
- Hi, Kirk.
- When Cindy and I
were at Niagara Falls
we picked up some
souvenirs for you
and I forgot to
give them to you.
Here.
- Oh, you didn't
have to do that.
- I know, but Cindy
really wanted to.
Do you like it?
- What, what is it?
- Well, I know
you're a history buff.
It's an authentic recreation
of the winter at Valley Forge.
You can see the hell they're
going through right there.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Where's George?
- He should be in his room.
- Oh.
We picked up
something for him too.
- Oh. That's nice.
- Well, I think it's stupid,
but George will like it.
See you.
- Do you believe this?
- No. Those poor brave souls.
- Hello there.
- Oh, Michael, hi.
- I'm sorry, I didn't
know you were eating.
- No, that's all right.
Uh, come on in.
Honey, this is Michael Harris.
He was the producer on that
TV show I did, "Book Talk."
- Oh, it's nice to meet you.
- This is my wife Joanne.
- Nice meeting you.
Great taste, Dick.
- Listen, the reason I came
by, was something very exciting
happened down at
the television station
this morning and
rather than calling you
I wanted to come by and
tell you about it personally.
I've come up with
a fabulous new idea
for a television show and I
want you to be the host of it.
- Really?
- Well, thanks, but I,
I'm, I'm not interested.
- Honey, you don't
even know what it is.
- Honey, you just
got finished telling me
I never turn down anything.
- Is it me, Dick?
Is there some bad blood
here I don't know about?
- No. Michael it has
nothing to do with you.
I just don't want to a TV show.
- Listen, I know "Book Talk"
was not a pleasant experience
for you, but that
doesn't diminish the fact
that you were fantastic in it.
Listen, at least come
down to the station.
Let me give you the
whole presentation.
If you don't like the
idea, I'll cry a little bit,
but I'll understand.
- The least you
can do is listen.
- Honey, I really don't
want to do a TV show.
- You said that. I respect that.
Now let me change your mind.
- All right.
What, what time would
you want me there?
- Well, Dick, it's going
to be your show so let's
let it be at your
convenience, but, uh,
3:30 would be great for me.
- Just got the most
incredible pair of...
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Oh, Stephanie,
this is Michael Harris.
Michael, Stephanie Vanderkellen.
- How do you do?
- Very well, thank
you. How do you do?
- Excellent.
- Michael is the producer
of that show Dick was on,
"Book Talk."
- Oh, you're a producer.
- For three years and four days.
- Your wife and children
must be very proud of you.
- I'm not married.
- Oh.
- Uh, Stephanie works
for us here at the inn.
- Really?
- Well, if you could
call it working.
I have all my nights,
afternoons, and weekends free.
- Stephanie, I know we've
just met and forgive me
if I'm moving a little too fast,
but would you let me take you
out for a Manhattan sometime?
- I'd let you take me to
Manhattan sometime.
- That sounds like a yes.
- I think it was.
- Great. Well, then
I'll see you at, uh,
3:30 and I'll see you...
- At Barney's at 6:30?
- Extra great.
- And good to see you too...
- Joanna.
- Exactly.
Bye now.
- Bye.
He's gorgeous.
My God, where have
you been keeping him?
- Stephanie, take it easy.
- He's everything
I've been looking for.
He's young, he's successful.
Did I say gorgeous?
I can't believe it.
I feel tingly. My
heart is pounding.
It's like my whole life is
suddenly falling into place.
I think that this is the guy
that God meant for me to have.
What did you say his name was?
- Pour in about an inch of water
or if it's a particularly
festive occasion,
pour in a little wine.
Add chopped onions
and some carrots.
- Uh, right this way, Dick.
This is where we'll
actually be doing the show.
- Then add a teaspoon of salt
and a quarter of a
teaspoon of pepper.
- Uh, should, should we be here?
I mean if... isn't
she on the air?
- My, we have some
chatterboxes in the studio today.
- I, I really think
we ought to go.
- Oh, don't be silly, Dick.
It's just Pearl's kitchen.
It's not important.
- [laughs] Okay.
Apparently the chatterboxes
are not going to be quiet
until they get some attention.
Uh, would you come
up here, please?
- Who, uh, me?
- Yes. Come join
Pearl in her kitchen.
- Oh, uh, uh, thanks.
I'm, I'm just,
I'm just visiting.
- No, I want you
to come up here.
- Go on, Dick, go
on. Plug your show.
- Yes, come on little
chatterbox. Come on.
- Now, what's your name?
- Uh, Dick, Dick Loudon.
- Well, so, Dick, is
this your first time
in a television studio?
- No. I've, I've been here, uh,
been here before.
- Well, then you
should know it's rude
to talk when someone
is trying to do their work.
- I'm, uh, I'm really sorry.
I, I won't, I won't
say another word.
- Now, as I was saying.
Well, damn it, I see
we're out of time.
Join me again
tomorrow when hopefully
we'll be getting
back on schedule.
Until then, this is Pearl
Retcalf saying, "Ciao."
[music playing]
- The next time someone
disturbs Pearl's kitchen
they're going to get a
face full of bacon grease.
- Ignore her, Dick.
She's in a lousy mood
because her husband just died.
So here it is, Dick.
What do you think?
- Oh, um, Michael, it's, you
know, it's very nice, but...
- Come on. Sit down
in your spot right here.
Come on. Sit down.
- Well, I... I guess it
wouldn't hurt to sit down.
- Dick, the show is
called "Vermont Today"
and what we want to do with
this show is to celebrate Vermont.
You know, there are a
lot of fascinating people
in this state,
college professors,
doctors, authors, and these
are the people we want.
It's going to be a
very uptown show.
- Well, it, it sounds
like the kind of show,
you know, I'd like to watch.
- All right, let's talk money.
- You really don't
think I can be bought.
- This is what we
were talking to start.
- You're kidding? A week?
- Uh, no, a year.
- I was going to say
maybe I can be bought.
[laughs]
- Dick, we've talked it over
and everyone here is convinced
that you'd be absolutely
perfect for this.
You're a classy guy
and the bottom line
is we want to do a classy show.
- Well, I, I can
appreciate that.
- Hal, can we see
the logo, please?
- Wow, is, is that
really the logo?
- That's it, Dick.
Now, I know just
showing you a logo
isn't going to change your mind.
I mean a host of "Vermont Today"
is going to have to be
committed to quality,
unafraid of hard work,
and dedicated to presenting
the kind of show that everyone
in Vermont can be proud of.
What do you say?
- What can I say?
I'm, I'm your man.
Honey, wait until
you see the set.
It is so classy.
- What's it look like?
- Well, they have
this logo that says
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Loudon.
Uh, the letters must be a
foot, foot and a half high.
- That sounds classy.
When's it going to be on?
- Uh, I don't know.
I, I don't think they've
worked that out.
- Well, what time
will you be on?
- Um, I don't, I don't know.
- Well, how long a show is it?
- I, I...
- Well, how often
is it on? Every day?
- Gee, I hope it's
not on every day.
- Honey, how could
you take this job
if you don't know
anything about it?
- I know a lot about
it. I know it's called
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Loudon
and I'll be interviewing
people from Vermont.
- Are you going to pick
the guests or are they?
- I, I don't know.
- Well, the next time
you talk to Michael
will you find some
of this stuff out?
- You bet I will.
- When do you see him again?
- Oh, uh, uh, Michael.
Can I see you a minute?
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm surprised you
two are back so soon.
- Well, we decided
to go to a movie,
but Stephanie thought
she should change.
- And I thought it would
be more fun to have one car.
- I take it you're
having a good time.
- Oh, we are.
- You know how
hard it is on first dates
to find a subject to talk about.
You go from one topic to another
and everything's so
superficial. Not us.
We sat down and started
talking about sweaters
and we didn't talk
about anything else
for an hour and a half.
Well, if you'll excuse
me. I have to change.
- Hey, don't go
changing too much.
I like you just the way you are.
[giggling]
- Michael, sit down.
I'm, I'm glad you're here.
Joanna and I were
talking about the show and,
uh, there may have been a
few details that I sloughed over.
- Oh, did he tell
you about the logo?
- Yeah. He didn't
slough over that.
- Uh, maybe I should
have asked you this earlier,
but I... see I really don't know
that, that much about the show.
- Well, what's to know.
It's a half hour format.
It's on every Sunday
afternoon at 4:00.
Oh, did I tell you about
some of the people
we've got lined up?
- No, I'd love to hear that.
- It's class on class.
We've got the President of
the University of Vermont.
He seems like a very bright guy.
We've got the first Vermont
doctor ever to perform
a heart transplant
and, uh, we've got
a woman sculptor lined
up who's done some
extraordinary things
with, uh, fish bones.
I think it's going
to be awesome.
- Sounds awesome.
- And classy.
- Ready.
- Wow, leather on leather.
- And your car
seats are leather.
- Wow, leather on
leather on leather.
- Well, you two
have a good time.
- We will. Let's go.
- See you at the studio, Dick.
- Right.
- When?
- Um, Michael, when?
- I'll call you.
- Dick, how you doing?
- Fine.
- I know first shows are
a little nerve wracking.
I've directed lots of
them. You'll get through it.
- I'm putting myself
in your hands.
- Gee, is that the
only coat you've got?
- Uh, yeah, why?
- It's going to
strobe like crazy.
- What, what does that mean?
- It means when we
photograph you it's going
to look like you've got
500,000 ants crawling on you.
- Well, don't worry
about it today.
The glare of that white shirt,
nobody's even
going to notice it.
Well, got to get
back to the booth.
Good show.
- Thanks.
- Surprise.
- Surprise.
- Hi.
- What are you guys doing here?
- We wanted to be
here for your first show.
- Oh.
- Did they like the
jacket I bought you?
- Yeah.
- Hi, Dick.
- Oh, looks like everybody
came down for the first show.
- Oh, that's right.
Today is your show.
Have you seen Michael?
- No, I haven't.
I'd, I'd like to know
where he is myself.
- Are you nervous?
- Well, I'm excited,
but I'm not nervous.
- How about you,
Dick? Are you nervous?
- No. I'm, I'm sure I'll be fine
once this show gets going.
Ah, there he is.
Uh, uh, Michael, could I
talk to you for a minute?
- Sure, Dick.
- Look who's here.
- Um, uh, Michael.
- Right here, Dick.
- Could, uh, could we
go over the format again?
- Okay.
Well, first you
introduce yourself,
explain a little bit
about the show,
and then give the folks
at home the number
to call so they can call in
and ask questions of the guest.
Oh, speaking of guests.
Probably should have
consulted you on this.
We decided to move
the President of the
University of Vermont
up to next week's show.
- But, but why?
- Well, we felt that
in order to attract
that initial viewing audience
we needed more a hook.
Something a little
more promotable
than some egghead
college president.
- Who'd you get?
- The world's smallest horse.
- You promised this was
going to be a classy show.
- Wait a minute, Dick,
since when does size
have anything to do with class?
- We think it's going to
be a dynamite segment.
- Look, I, I didn't take this
job to, to interview animals.
- Honey, it might
not be that bad.
- Yeah, you like horses.
- Michael, this, this...
- DIRECTOR:
Thirty seconds, Dick.
- This really is a dirty trick.
- DIRECTOR: Wow,
that coat really strobes.
- Did you hear that,
Honey? He said it strobes.
- DIRECTOR: 15 seconds, Dick.
- Have a good show.
- Yeah. We're
all pulling for you
- And don't worry
about anything, Dick.
All the people here are
seasoned professionals.
- Folks, would you
please get off the set?
We're on the air.
- Oh, God, silly us.
- And now, Channel
8 is proud to present
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Luden.
- Uh, good afternoon, everyone
and welcome to "Vermont Today,"
the show that
celebrates Vermont.
I'm your host Dick Loudon.
Since this is our first
show I thought I'd tell you
a little bit about what
we're going to be doing here.
Uh, every week we're going
to have distinguished guests...
People living and
working right here
in Vermont whom we
feel make a very special
and important contribution
to Vermont culture.
As an added feature of
the show we'd like you,
our viewer, to get
involved by calling 555-8000
and asking
questions of our guest.
[phone rings]
- May... maybe you,
maybe you can hold
your questions until
the, the guest is on stage.
[phone rings]
- Who... whoever
that is out there,
would, would you please hang up?
[phone rings]
- Um, Michael, uh, is there
some way, uh, we can take care...
[phone rings]
- We can take
care of the phones?
- Michael, Michael,
Dick is talking to you.
- What? Oh, oh, I'm
sorry. Oh, excuse me.
I'll get right on
that phone, Dick.
[phone rings]
- Well, we'll, we'll, we'll
try to get the phones,
uh, taken care of as,
as soon as we can.
[phone rings]
- Who... whoever
that is out there,
I'm not going to answer the
phone until our guest is here.
So you may as well just hang up.
Finally. Thank you.
[phone rings]
- Hello? Am I on? Hello?
- Our first guest today
is a man who is not
only admired here on
Vermont, but also representative,
I think, of the
kind of fascinating
and inspiring guest
that we hope will become
the, the trademark
of this program.
Uh, actually, this
introduction was written
for the President of the
University of Vermont,
who I'm assured will
be with us next week,
but it fits equally well...
I, I hope for our guest today,
Mr. Jocko Braverman, owner
of the world's smallest horse.
- Howdy, Dick.
- Hi. You want to,
want to sit down?
- Oh, thank you.
- Uh, by the way, uh, just
so there's no confusion,
I'm not from Vermont.
- You're, you're not?
- No.
I'm very happy to hale
from the beautiful city
of Hollywood, Florida.
- Oh, Dick, you can
hang that phone back up.
It's all taken care of.
- Michael. He's
not from Vermont.
- Really? News to me, Dick.
- Well, Mr. Braverman,
since you are here,
let's talk about the horse.
Obviously, that, that's it.
- That's right, Dick.
This is the world's
smallest horse.
- And, uh, what's his name?
- Tiny.
- How do you know he's
the world's smallest horse?
- Well, look at him.
- No, what, what I,
what I meant was,
he's, he's small, but
usually when somebody
says they have the
world's smallest horse
you expect, you know,
some kind of proof.
- Well, I dare anyone
to find one smaller.
[phone rings]
- Well, it looks like we
have a call. Excuse me.
- Vermont Today.
- DIRECTOR: Push the
button for the squawk box, Dick.
- Oh, I, I'm sorry.
- Hello, Mr. Luden?
- Yes, this, this
is Dick Loudon.
- I'm calling about the
world's smallest horse.
- Wha... what about it?
- I got a horse
smaller than that.
- You do?
- I'd like to see it.
- You got it pal.
I'll bring it down.
- Wait, wait, wait a minute.
I, I don't think we, we
have time for this today.
- MICHAEL: Wait a
minute, Dick. Go with it.
- What?
- Improvise.
This is great.
If he wants to bring
him down let him.
- Um, our, our
producer tells me that if,
if you want to come down
and challenge Mr. Braverman
you're welcome to as
long as you get here
before the show is over.
- I'm on my way.
- Well, looks, looks like
we have a challenge.
Certainly the
kind of intelligent
audience participation
I was hoping to have
here on Vermont Today.
[phone rings]
- Uh, Vermont Today.
You're on the air
with Dick Loudon.
- Who's this?
- Dick Loudon.
- That's not the
world's smallest horse.
- It isn't?
- Nope.
The world's smallest horse
is lying right next to me,
here, on the couch.
- Well, why, why don't
you bring him down?
- Well, I hate to wake
him up, but okay.
- So, uh, so we don't spend,
uh, all day answering the phone,
um, any of you out
there who think you have
a horse smaller than Tiny here,
uh, we invite you to
bring him to the station
before the show is over
and, and challenge
Mr. Braverman.
Now, let's go to a commercial.
We'll, we'll be right back.
[music playing]
- All right, Dick. What a start.
- Michael, could I
speak to you in private?
You promised me...
Hi, hi, Stephanie.
You, you promised me this
was going to be a classy show.
- Well, Dick, what are
you so upset about?
People love animals. This
will make them love you.
- Yeah, but, I, I want
this show to have dignity.
- Believe me, Dick, as
long if you have dignity
the show will have dignity.
- See there... there's no
reason to come down here
claiming you have the
world's smallest horse
when clearly you don't.
- I mean this, this horse
isn't, isn't close to being as,
as, as small as Tiny here.
- Well, it's kind of
hard to tell on TV.
I don't have a very good set.
- DIRECTOR: Dick, behind
you. We have another challenger.
- What, what's going on here?
What, what are you doing?
- Is there a prize for this?
- This isn't a horse.
This is a basset hound.
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is and I'm sorry,
but, but this doesn't count.
- Well, then I hate your show.
- Don, no, no more challengers.
- DIRECTOR: It's too late, Dick.
- Aw, come on.
- Who do I show the horse to?
- You, you really think this
is the world's smallest horse?
- No, this is the
world's oldest horse.
- We didn't ask for the
world's oldest horse.
- Well, that woman
doesn't even have a horse.
- At least it's small.
- Not for a basset hound.
- Look, look, we're,
we're almost out of time.
As far as I'm concerned,
uh, Mr. Braverman,
you have the
world's smallest horse
or at least the smallest
horse in Vermont.
Uh, you and Tiny have
a lot to, to celebrate.
For those of you who
tuned in expecting
to see the President of
the University of Vermont,
uh, this, this isn't him.
But, uh, tune in next week and,
and keep tuning in as
Vermont Today presents
stimulating and
interesting guests
in our continued efforts
to celebrate Vermont.
This is Dick Loudon
saying good afternoon
and I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
- We're clear.
Could somebody please get
those animals off the stage?
- Oh, no, right on my new set!
- I'm just making some
notes on my new book.
- I thought you said last
night you weren't going
to take that assignment.
- I know, but I called them
this morning and said I would.
- But I thought you said
you weren't interested
in glass blowing.
- That's not true. I, I
like, uh, glass blowing.
Matter of fact, I've already
thought of some chapters,
like blowing your own ashtrays.
Blowing your own candy bowls,
not to mention all the
animals you can blow.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh, hi, Kirk.
- Hi, Kirk.
- When Cindy and I
were at Niagara Falls
we picked up some
souvenirs for you
and I forgot to
give them to you.
Here.
- Oh, you didn't
have to do that.
- I know, but Cindy
really wanted to.
Do you like it?
- What, what is it?
- Well, I know
you're a history buff.
It's an authentic recreation
of the winter at Valley Forge.
You can see the hell they're
going through right there.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Where's George?
- He should be in his room.
- Oh.
We picked up
something for him too.
- Oh. That's nice.
- Well, I think it's stupid,
but George will like it.
See you.
- Do you believe this?
- No. Those poor brave souls.
- Hello there.
- Oh, Michael, hi.
- I'm sorry, I didn't
know you were eating.
- No, that's all right.
Uh, come on in.
Honey, this is Michael Harris.
He was the producer on that
TV show I did, "Book Talk."
- Oh, it's nice to meet you.
- This is my wife Joanne.
- Nice meeting you.
Great taste, Dick.
- Listen, the reason I came
by, was something very exciting
happened down at
the television station
this morning and
rather than calling you
I wanted to come by and
tell you about it personally.
I've come up with
a fabulous new idea
for a television show and I
want you to be the host of it.
- Really?
- Well, thanks, but I,
I'm, I'm not interested.
- Honey, you don't
even know what it is.
- Honey, you just
got finished telling me
I never turn down anything.
- Is it me, Dick?
Is there some bad blood
here I don't know about?
- No. Michael it has
nothing to do with you.
I just don't want to a TV show.
- Listen, I know "Book Talk"
was not a pleasant experience
for you, but that
doesn't diminish the fact
that you were fantastic in it.
Listen, at least come
down to the station.
Let me give you the
whole presentation.
If you don't like the
idea, I'll cry a little bit,
but I'll understand.
- The least you
can do is listen.
- Honey, I really don't
want to do a TV show.
- You said that. I respect that.
Now let me change your mind.
- All right.
What, what time would
you want me there?
- Well, Dick, it's going
to be your show so let's
let it be at your
convenience, but, uh,
3:30 would be great for me.
- Just got the most
incredible pair of...
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Oh, Stephanie,
this is Michael Harris.
Michael, Stephanie Vanderkellen.
- How do you do?
- Very well, thank
you. How do you do?
- Excellent.
- Michael is the producer
of that show Dick was on,
"Book Talk."
- Oh, you're a producer.
- For three years and four days.
- Your wife and children
must be very proud of you.
- I'm not married.
- Oh.
- Uh, Stephanie works
for us here at the inn.
- Really?
- Well, if you could
call it working.
I have all my nights,
afternoons, and weekends free.
- Stephanie, I know we've
just met and forgive me
if I'm moving a little too fast,
but would you let me take you
out for a Manhattan sometime?
- I'd let you take me to
Manhattan sometime.
- That sounds like a yes.
- I think it was.
- Great. Well, then
I'll see you at, uh,
3:30 and I'll see you...
- At Barney's at 6:30?
- Extra great.
- And good to see you too...
- Joanna.
- Exactly.
Bye now.
- Bye.
He's gorgeous.
My God, where have
you been keeping him?
- Stephanie, take it easy.
- He's everything
I've been looking for.
He's young, he's successful.
Did I say gorgeous?
I can't believe it.
I feel tingly. My
heart is pounding.
It's like my whole life is
suddenly falling into place.
I think that this is the guy
that God meant for me to have.
What did you say his name was?
- Pour in about an inch of water
or if it's a particularly
festive occasion,
pour in a little wine.
Add chopped onions
and some carrots.
- Uh, right this way, Dick.
This is where we'll
actually be doing the show.
- Then add a teaspoon of salt
and a quarter of a
teaspoon of pepper.
- Uh, should, should we be here?
I mean if... isn't
she on the air?
- My, we have some
chatterboxes in the studio today.
- I, I really think
we ought to go.
- Oh, don't be silly, Dick.
It's just Pearl's kitchen.
It's not important.
- [laughs] Okay.
Apparently the chatterboxes
are not going to be quiet
until they get some attention.
Uh, would you come
up here, please?
- Who, uh, me?
- Yes. Come join
Pearl in her kitchen.
- Oh, uh, uh, thanks.
I'm, I'm just,
I'm just visiting.
- No, I want you
to come up here.
- Go on, Dick, go
on. Plug your show.
- Yes, come on little
chatterbox. Come on.
- Now, what's your name?
- Uh, Dick, Dick Loudon.
- Well, so, Dick, is
this your first time
in a television studio?
- No. I've, I've been here, uh,
been here before.
- Well, then you
should know it's rude
to talk when someone
is trying to do their work.
- I'm, uh, I'm really sorry.
I, I won't, I won't
say another word.
- Now, as I was saying.
Well, damn it, I see
we're out of time.
Join me again
tomorrow when hopefully
we'll be getting
back on schedule.
Until then, this is Pearl
Retcalf saying, "Ciao."
[music playing]
- The next time someone
disturbs Pearl's kitchen
they're going to get a
face full of bacon grease.
- Ignore her, Dick.
She's in a lousy mood
because her husband just died.
So here it is, Dick.
What do you think?
- Oh, um, Michael, it's, you
know, it's very nice, but...
- Come on. Sit down
in your spot right here.
Come on. Sit down.
- Well, I... I guess it
wouldn't hurt to sit down.
- Dick, the show is
called "Vermont Today"
and what we want to do with
this show is to celebrate Vermont.
You know, there are a
lot of fascinating people
in this state,
college professors,
doctors, authors, and these
are the people we want.
It's going to be a
very uptown show.
- Well, it, it sounds
like the kind of show,
you know, I'd like to watch.
- All right, let's talk money.
- You really don't
think I can be bought.
- This is what we
were talking to start.
- You're kidding? A week?
- Uh, no, a year.
- I was going to say
maybe I can be bought.
[laughs]
- Dick, we've talked it over
and everyone here is convinced
that you'd be absolutely
perfect for this.
You're a classy guy
and the bottom line
is we want to do a classy show.
- Well, I, I can
appreciate that.
- Hal, can we see
the logo, please?
- Wow, is, is that
really the logo?
- That's it, Dick.
Now, I know just
showing you a logo
isn't going to change your mind.
I mean a host of "Vermont Today"
is going to have to be
committed to quality,
unafraid of hard work,
and dedicated to presenting
the kind of show that everyone
in Vermont can be proud of.
What do you say?
- What can I say?
I'm, I'm your man.
Honey, wait until
you see the set.
It is so classy.
- What's it look like?
- Well, they have
this logo that says
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Loudon.
Uh, the letters must be a
foot, foot and a half high.
- That sounds classy.
When's it going to be on?
- Uh, I don't know.
I, I don't think they've
worked that out.
- Well, what time
will you be on?
- Um, I don't, I don't know.
- Well, how long a show is it?
- I, I...
- Well, how often
is it on? Every day?
- Gee, I hope it's
not on every day.
- Honey, how could
you take this job
if you don't know
anything about it?
- I know a lot about
it. I know it's called
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Loudon
and I'll be interviewing
people from Vermont.
- Are you going to pick
the guests or are they?
- I, I don't know.
- Well, the next time
you talk to Michael
will you find some
of this stuff out?
- You bet I will.
- When do you see him again?
- Oh, uh, uh, Michael.
Can I see you a minute?
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm surprised you
two are back so soon.
- Well, we decided
to go to a movie,
but Stephanie thought
she should change.
- And I thought it would
be more fun to have one car.
- I take it you're
having a good time.
- Oh, we are.
- You know how
hard it is on first dates
to find a subject to talk about.
You go from one topic to another
and everything's so
superficial. Not us.
We sat down and started
talking about sweaters
and we didn't talk
about anything else
for an hour and a half.
Well, if you'll excuse
me. I have to change.
- Hey, don't go
changing too much.
I like you just the way you are.
[giggling]
- Michael, sit down.
I'm, I'm glad you're here.
Joanna and I were
talking about the show and,
uh, there may have been a
few details that I sloughed over.
- Oh, did he tell
you about the logo?
- Yeah. He didn't
slough over that.
- Uh, maybe I should
have asked you this earlier,
but I... see I really don't know
that, that much about the show.
- Well, what's to know.
It's a half hour format.
It's on every Sunday
afternoon at 4:00.
Oh, did I tell you about
some of the people
we've got lined up?
- No, I'd love to hear that.
- It's class on class.
We've got the President of
the University of Vermont.
He seems like a very bright guy.
We've got the first Vermont
doctor ever to perform
a heart transplant
and, uh, we've got
a woman sculptor lined
up who's done some
extraordinary things
with, uh, fish bones.
I think it's going
to be awesome.
- Sounds awesome.
- And classy.
- Ready.
- Wow, leather on leather.
- And your car
seats are leather.
- Wow, leather on
leather on leather.
- Well, you two
have a good time.
- We will. Let's go.
- See you at the studio, Dick.
- Right.
- When?
- Um, Michael, when?
- I'll call you.
- Dick, how you doing?
- Fine.
- I know first shows are
a little nerve wracking.
I've directed lots of
them. You'll get through it.
- I'm putting myself
in your hands.
- Gee, is that the
only coat you've got?
- Uh, yeah, why?
- It's going to
strobe like crazy.
- What, what does that mean?
- It means when we
photograph you it's going
to look like you've got
500,000 ants crawling on you.
- Well, don't worry
about it today.
The glare of that white shirt,
nobody's even
going to notice it.
Well, got to get
back to the booth.
Good show.
- Thanks.
- Surprise.
- Surprise.
- Hi.
- What are you guys doing here?
- We wanted to be
here for your first show.
- Oh.
- Did they like the
jacket I bought you?
- Yeah.
- Hi, Dick.
- Oh, looks like everybody
came down for the first show.
- Oh, that's right.
Today is your show.
Have you seen Michael?
- No, I haven't.
I'd, I'd like to know
where he is myself.
- Are you nervous?
- Well, I'm excited,
but I'm not nervous.
- How about you,
Dick? Are you nervous?
- No. I'm, I'm sure I'll be fine
once this show gets going.
Ah, there he is.
Uh, uh, Michael, could I
talk to you for a minute?
- Sure, Dick.
- Look who's here.
- Um, uh, Michael.
- Right here, Dick.
- Could, uh, could we
go over the format again?
- Okay.
Well, first you
introduce yourself,
explain a little bit
about the show,
and then give the folks
at home the number
to call so they can call in
and ask questions of the guest.
Oh, speaking of guests.
Probably should have
consulted you on this.
We decided to move
the President of the
University of Vermont
up to next week's show.
- But, but why?
- Well, we felt that
in order to attract
that initial viewing audience
we needed more a hook.
Something a little
more promotable
than some egghead
college president.
- Who'd you get?
- The world's smallest horse.
- You promised this was
going to be a classy show.
- Wait a minute, Dick,
since when does size
have anything to do with class?
- We think it's going to
be a dynamite segment.
- Look, I, I didn't take this
job to, to interview animals.
- Honey, it might
not be that bad.
- Yeah, you like horses.
- Michael, this, this...
- DIRECTOR:
Thirty seconds, Dick.
- This really is a dirty trick.
- DIRECTOR: Wow,
that coat really strobes.
- Did you hear that,
Honey? He said it strobes.
- DIRECTOR: 15 seconds, Dick.
- Have a good show.
- Yeah. We're
all pulling for you
- And don't worry
about anything, Dick.
All the people here are
seasoned professionals.
- Folks, would you
please get off the set?
We're on the air.
- Oh, God, silly us.
- And now, Channel
8 is proud to present
"Vermont Today"
starring Dick Luden.
- Uh, good afternoon, everyone
and welcome to "Vermont Today,"
the show that
celebrates Vermont.
I'm your host Dick Loudon.
Since this is our first
show I thought I'd tell you
a little bit about what
we're going to be doing here.
Uh, every week we're going
to have distinguished guests...
People living and
working right here
in Vermont whom we
feel make a very special
and important contribution
to Vermont culture.
As an added feature of
the show we'd like you,
our viewer, to get
involved by calling 555-8000
and asking
questions of our guest.
[phone rings]
- May... maybe you,
maybe you can hold
your questions until
the, the guest is on stage.
[phone rings]
- Who... whoever
that is out there,
would, would you please hang up?
[phone rings]
- Um, Michael, uh, is there
some way, uh, we can take care...
[phone rings]
- We can take
care of the phones?
- Michael, Michael,
Dick is talking to you.
- What? Oh, oh, I'm
sorry. Oh, excuse me.
I'll get right on
that phone, Dick.
[phone rings]
- Well, we'll, we'll, we'll
try to get the phones,
uh, taken care of as,
as soon as we can.
[phone rings]
- Who... whoever
that is out there,
I'm not going to answer the
phone until our guest is here.
So you may as well just hang up.
Finally. Thank you.
[phone rings]
- Hello? Am I on? Hello?
- Our first guest today
is a man who is not
only admired here on
Vermont, but also representative,
I think, of the
kind of fascinating
and inspiring guest
that we hope will become
the, the trademark
of this program.
Uh, actually, this
introduction was written
for the President of the
University of Vermont,
who I'm assured will
be with us next week,
but it fits equally well...
I, I hope for our guest today,
Mr. Jocko Braverman, owner
of the world's smallest horse.
- Howdy, Dick.
- Hi. You want to,
want to sit down?
- Oh, thank you.
- Uh, by the way, uh, just
so there's no confusion,
I'm not from Vermont.
- You're, you're not?
- No.
I'm very happy to hale
from the beautiful city
of Hollywood, Florida.
- Oh, Dick, you can
hang that phone back up.
It's all taken care of.
- Michael. He's
not from Vermont.
- Really? News to me, Dick.
- Well, Mr. Braverman,
since you are here,
let's talk about the horse.
Obviously, that, that's it.
- That's right, Dick.
This is the world's
smallest horse.
- And, uh, what's his name?
- Tiny.
- How do you know he's
the world's smallest horse?
- Well, look at him.
- No, what, what I,
what I meant was,
he's, he's small, but
usually when somebody
says they have the
world's smallest horse
you expect, you know,
some kind of proof.
- Well, I dare anyone
to find one smaller.
[phone rings]
- Well, it looks like we
have a call. Excuse me.
- Vermont Today.
- DIRECTOR: Push the
button for the squawk box, Dick.
- Oh, I, I'm sorry.
- Hello, Mr. Luden?
- Yes, this, this
is Dick Loudon.
- I'm calling about the
world's smallest horse.
- Wha... what about it?
- I got a horse
smaller than that.
- You do?
- I'd like to see it.
- You got it pal.
I'll bring it down.
- Wait, wait, wait a minute.
I, I don't think we, we
have time for this today.
- MICHAEL: Wait a
minute, Dick. Go with it.
- What?
- Improvise.
This is great.
If he wants to bring
him down let him.
- Um, our, our
producer tells me that if,
if you want to come down
and challenge Mr. Braverman
you're welcome to as
long as you get here
before the show is over.
- I'm on my way.
- Well, looks, looks like
we have a challenge.
Certainly the
kind of intelligent
audience participation
I was hoping to have
here on Vermont Today.
[phone rings]
- Uh, Vermont Today.
You're on the air
with Dick Loudon.
- Who's this?
- Dick Loudon.
- That's not the
world's smallest horse.
- It isn't?
- Nope.
The world's smallest horse
is lying right next to me,
here, on the couch.
- Well, why, why don't
you bring him down?
- Well, I hate to wake
him up, but okay.
- So, uh, so we don't spend,
uh, all day answering the phone,
um, any of you out
there who think you have
a horse smaller than Tiny here,
uh, we invite you to
bring him to the station
before the show is over
and, and challenge
Mr. Braverman.
Now, let's go to a commercial.
We'll, we'll be right back.
[music playing]
- All right, Dick. What a start.
- Michael, could I
speak to you in private?
You promised me...
Hi, hi, Stephanie.
You, you promised me this
was going to be a classy show.
- Well, Dick, what are
you so upset about?
People love animals. This
will make them love you.
- Yeah, but, I, I want
this show to have dignity.
- Believe me, Dick, as
long if you have dignity
the show will have dignity.
- See there... there's no
reason to come down here
claiming you have the
world's smallest horse
when clearly you don't.
- I mean this, this horse
isn't, isn't close to being as,
as, as small as Tiny here.
- Well, it's kind of
hard to tell on TV.
I don't have a very good set.
- DIRECTOR: Dick, behind
you. We have another challenger.
- What, what's going on here?
What, what are you doing?
- Is there a prize for this?
- This isn't a horse.
This is a basset hound.
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is and I'm sorry,
but, but this doesn't count.
- Well, then I hate your show.
- Don, no, no more challengers.
- DIRECTOR: It's too late, Dick.
- Aw, come on.
- Who do I show the horse to?
- You, you really think this
is the world's smallest horse?
- No, this is the
world's oldest horse.
- We didn't ask for the
world's oldest horse.
- Well, that woman
doesn't even have a horse.
- At least it's small.
- Not for a basset hound.
- Look, look, we're,
we're almost out of time.
As far as I'm concerned,
uh, Mr. Braverman,
you have the
world's smallest horse
or at least the smallest
horse in Vermont.
Uh, you and Tiny have
a lot to, to celebrate.
For those of you who
tuned in expecting
to see the President of
the University of Vermont,
uh, this, this isn't him.
But, uh, tune in next week and,
and keep tuning in as
Vermont Today presents
stimulating and
interesting guests
in our continued efforts
to celebrate Vermont.
This is Dick Loudon
saying good afternoon
and I'm, I'm, I'm sorry.
- We're clear.
Could somebody please get
those animals off the stage?
- Oh, no, right on my new set!