Newhart (1982–1990): Season 2, Episode 2 - It Happened One Afternoon: Part 2 - full transcript

Last week on Newhart, while
Dick was in New York...

I ended my marriage with Carl.

- When was this?
- At the reception.

Well, I was going to say
you could always work here.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Doing what?

Well, you could do
what Leslie used to do.

Hi, sorry I'm late.

Oh, my god, it's Erica chase.

I think the important thing is

that you tell your story



the way you want it told

rather than the way the tabloids

have already been telling it.

- I like that.
- I love it.

One thing you should know
about me before we begin,

I like to write in the morning.

Well, there's one thing you
should know about me, too.

And what's that?

I've never worked with a man

I haven't been intimate with.

Don't laugh, dear.

I can't... I can't help it.

You... you got me. I
thought you were serious.

I am serious.



You got me again.

Dick...

Look, I am going
to be telling you

some very intimate
details of my life.

How can I do that

if we haven't been intimate?

What about all the people

who are going to read
these intimate details?

What are you going to
do, go door to door?

I'm just saying that it
would be very difficult

for me to open up

to someone I felt
like a stranger with.

I can see this is making
you feel uncomfortable.

We can talk about it later.

No, I think we'd better
talk about it now.

Miss chase, I'm married.

Call me Erica.

I'm not going to call you Erica.

I'm married.

Dick, I'm not going to
tell anybody about us.

How can you say that?
You're writing a book.

I don't think you realize what
an attractive man you are.

Why, I think I do,

and that's why I'm leaving.

I'm sorry about this.

Sometimes these
things don't work out.

Good luck with your project.

Wait a minute.

You're not actually
walking out on me.

Yes, I am.

I don't believe this.

Have you thought of the
opportunity you're turning down?

Well, some things in life are more
important than writing a book.

You're right, the book.
That's another opportunity.

I just don't think I'm really
what you're looking for.

Well, I do.

In fact, I know you are.

Dick, time for me to
make a confession.

No, I think you've
confessed enough.

You don't understand.

I've been playing
a game with you.

- A game.
- Un-huh.

Dick, with my reputation,

I have to be sure that the
man who writes this book

is serious about writing

and not just
looking for a chance

to be the last chapter.

What I need is a
man with integrity.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

Yeah, you're saying
you don't want me.

I want you to be my writer.

Disappointed?

No.

No, as a matter of
fact I'm relieved.

Don't get me wrong.

I was flattered but now...

Now I'm relieved...

Flattered and relieved.

Does this mean we
can be friends again?

- Sure.
- Good.

Oh, I'm sorry I had to
put you through all this.

It's just that the book
means so much to me.

Listen, I understand.

People think that
my life has been

just a series of affairs

with one movie
star after another,

and it's not true.

There's been so much more.

I mean, there have been
diplomats and sports figures

and even an opera singer.

Dick, there's so much to tell,

and I just don't have
any idea where to begin.

Well, I would suggest
begin at the beginning.

Oh, that would be
the opera singer.

Hi, guys.

Oh, hi, Kirk.

I thought you were never
coming over here again.

Well, I've been thinking
about what you said,

and I think you're right.

I mean, after all,

I can't avoid the inn
for the rest of my life.

Besides, you people
are my closest friends,

and I may need to
borrow things, so...

I've decided to get
everything out in the open.

Good for you.

I think you're doing
the right thing.

Well, let's find out.
Get her down here.

I can't right now.

She's upstairs in her room trying
to decide whether or not to stay.

What do you mean?

She called her parents,

and they want her
to come back home.

You mean I may not have to go
through with this after all?

It's still the
right thing to do.

Not if I don't have to.

- Joanna?
- Let me know what happens.

Hi, how are you feeling?

Better.

I've been doing a
lot of soul searching

and self evaluation when
I worked on my cuticles.

I think I've made a decision
about what I want to do.

- Really?
- Yeah.

If it's still okay,
I'd like to stay here.

Well, of course it's still okay.

Are you kidding? We're glad.

- What made you decide?
- Dartmouth.

You mean you want
to get a degree?

Yeah, kind of.

I want to get a guy
getting a degree.

You mean, after what's happened,

you still want to look
for another husband?

Yeah, I still want to
be married, Joanna,

and I figure if I eat sensibly

and keep myself in shape,

there's no reason I
can't meet Mr. Right

or Mr. Close enough.

Now I just hope my
parents see it this way.

I was going to call
them if it's okay.

Sure.

It probably seems
crazy at my age

to be this nervous about
what my parents say,

- but that's because you don't know my parents.
- We understand.

I think just this once I'm going to
try talking to them like an adult.

Good for you.

Hi, daddy. It's stephy.

I called to say

that I thought
about what you said,

and I made my decision.

Well, if it's all the same to
you, I'm going to stay here.

Well, that's too bad

because my mind's made up.

Well, I don't care.
My decision's final.

Okay, good-bye.

Well, I give you credit. You
really stood your ground.

Thank you.

He's coming up after me.

Would you like
something to drink?

Maybe just a glass of juice.

What do you think we
ought to call this?

I don't like to put
titles on things

until they're finished.

You're never sure
it's going to fit.

I was thinking of the
Erica Chase Story.

Should fit.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you.

What... what are you doing?

Looking at you.

Don't you... don't you think

you could see me
better from over there?

Uh-uh.

You want me to move over
there so you can sit here?

No.

Are you... Are you
wanting me again?

Uh-huh.

Don't fight it.

Erica, you lied.

You promised you were
serious about the book.

Oh, aren't I naughty?

- The phone!
- Oh, let it ring.

It could be my agent
or someone important.

- Well, they'll call back.
- Erica!

All right, I'll answer
the silly phone.

- I'm leaving.
- Hello?

Oh, hi, just a minute.

It's for you. It's your wife.

You're kidding. I
don't believe this.

Want me to tell her you're
too busy to come to the phone?

No, no.

Hi. Hi, honey.

How you doing?

Good.

What... what...

What do you mean he's
coming to get her?

Well, just, uh...

Just... just...

Just tell him that
Stephanie is fine with us,

and then hope he agrees.

No, honey.

I'm not irritated you called.

I know you wouldn't call
if it wasn't important.

Everything's fine here.

Yeah, that was...

That was Erica you talked to.

Yeah, she is... she is nice.

She says hi.

Tell her I think you're cute.

She says hi back.

Okay, well, good luck there.

Thank you, I'll... I'll need it.

I love you.

Good-bye.

I think that's enough
work for one day.

So do I.

Joanna, you're going
to too much trouble.

I'd hardly call bring out coffee
and fresh pastry too much trouble.

Well, I trimmed the hedge and hosed
down the front like you asked.

Thanks, George.

Hey, are those fresh pastries?

I just know he's going to
make me go back with him.

Stephanie, you're an adult.

No one can make you do
anything you don't want to do.

My father can.

He's got ways, Joanna.

You know, you
might be surprised.

He might feel differently
about your being here

once he sees the inn and
sees how happy you are.

Yeah, well,

when he comes, do
you want us around,

or would you rather talk
things out by yourself?

I'd rather talk things
out by ourselves,

but I think you should be here

in case he tries to
take me by force.

He's not going to try
to take you by force.

Honestly, this is a
parent-child confrontation,

not a military maneuver.

What is that?

Daddy's chopper. He's here.

He has a helicopter?

- Yeah. You have a heliport?
- No.

Daddy won't like that.

Well, so much for those
leaves I just swept.

Boy, look at that.

- He's getting out.
- Here they come.

Okay, everybody do something.

I'm going to stand over
here like I'm working.

Stephanie, you'll be there.

George, you pretend like
you're getting coffee,

and everybody act natural.

I'm Arthur Vanderkellen.

- Joanna Loudon.
- How do you do?

- This is George Utley
- it's a pleasure.

My wife and I have heard some
wonderful things about you

from Stephanie and Leslie.

My whole family appreciates
everything you've done.

We really haven't
done that much.

Well, we appreciate it.

Well, babe, you ready?

I told you on the phone
I don't want to go home.

I know. Why don't we go
home and talk about it.

Come on.

Daddy, really, I
want to stay here.

Stephanie, I know the last
time we saw each other

I was a little cross.

You said you were
throwing me out

and I was never getting another
nickel ever, ever again.

Daddies say things.

Honeybun, you know
I didn't mean that.

You're my little baby girl,

and I want you to
come back home.

You say that,

but I know you're going to try
to get me to go back to Carl,

and I won't,

and then you're going
to get even crosser,

and then I'm going
to have to decide

what to pack all over again,

and packing is only
the tip of the iceberg.

Stephanie, your mother
is worried sick.

Now, she is counting
on seeing you

safely back in your room

by the time she gets
home from the club.

Daddy, I'm sorry you made
this trip for nothing,

but my mind is really made up.

I want to stay here.

Fine.

I don't want to have a scene
in front of these people,

but you've given me no
choice but to be firm.

- Derrick.
- Oh, no.

- What is that?
- I think it's jewelry.

I'm right.

You're bribing her?

I told you he had ways, Joanna.

You're not going to abandon

everything you've
just stood up for

just for a pearl necklace.

I do love this stuff.

May I see that?

Very nice.

What do you say, Stephanie?

Should I have
Derrick crank her up?

- No.
- No?

No.

Stephy, would you like to
take another look at it?

Yes.

But no.

Very well, Stephanie.

It's obvious that,
for whatever reason,

you've lost your values.

Now, I want you to know

that your mother and
I still love you,

and if you should
ever reconsider

and want to come home,

the gate's will always be open.

Thank you, daddy.

Stephanie...

I am so proud of you.

I know how hard it must've been

for you to turn
down that necklace.

It would have been impossible

if I didn't already have one.

I just want to say I'm
glad you're staying.

Thanks, George.

Now, if you don't mind,

I'd kind of like to see
that thing take off.

Whoo.

I think you handled
that really well.

Thank you.

Joanna, did you know
there was a heli...

Kirk.

Kirk.

Yes?

You might as well come out.

Stephanie's staying.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Listen, Stephanie,

I know you must be feeling
as awkward as I am.

I mean, I don't know,

maybe you're hurt,

maybe you're angry,

but I just wanted to say

that I don't think
there's any reason

why we can't live next door
to each other and be friends.

I mean, the past is the past,

and no matter how unforgettable
that night might've been,

we've got to put
it out of our minds

and live for today.

Who is this?

No one you should know.

Hi, I'm Kirk.
Welcome to Vermont.

Thank you.

So any word from Dick?

Well, I just talked to
him a little while ago,

and he seemed fine.

I would think so.

He's in the most exciting
city in the world.

He's with one of the most
glamorous women in the world.

Right now he's probably sitting

in some incredibly
expensive restaurant

having the time of his life.

Erica, this is stupid.

We're two sane, mature people.

I mean, we should be
able to conduct ourselves

in a sane, mature manner.

I agree.

Then let me out of the bathroom.

I'm not stopping you.

If I don't get out soon,
I'm going to miss my flight.

All right.

Because you're cute

I'm going to make a deal.

What kind of deal?

I'm going to race
you for the door.

What?

I'll get an equal
distance from the door

and race you for it.

If you get there
first, you're free.

If I get there first,

you're in serious trouble.

Are you crazy?

Come on. It'll be fun.

I'm not going to race
you for any door.

That's the stupidest idea
I've ever heard in my life.

Besides, how will I
know you won't cheat?

You'll be able to tell
by the sound of my voice.

All right, now, I'm getting further
and further away from the door.

Can you hear?

All right, I'm approximately the
same distance from the front door

as you are.

If you want to try it, say when.

This is crazy.

Do you want to try it?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah.

I can't run in these shoes.

All right, on your mark.

Get set. Go!

- Hah!
- Aah! Aah!

Cheater! Cheater!

Give up, Dick. You can't
win. This is my suite.

I'll never give up.

I'm going to hold this bathroom
for as long as it takes.

Yes. Oh, my god.

I forgot all about it.

I'll be right down.

Dick, I hate to have
to tell you this,

but I have to leave.

Sure, sure.

No, I really do.

I have an interview in
the restaurant downstairs,

and I'm late for it already.

Don't give me that.
You're not leaving.

This is another trap.

I really wish it were.

I haven't had so much
fun in a long time.

Look, I can't talk to
you now. I've got to go.

Oh, I'm sorry things
didn't work out.

I hope there won't
be any hard feelings.

I still think you're cute.

Bye!

That's it. Open the door.

Close the door.

And you're still there.

Erica?

Don't you feel just
a little bit silly?

I mean, aren't you ashamed
of what you're doing?

I mean, just stop and think.

What if your mother
could see you now?

Going from bed to bed

and never turning
down any of them.

You know, I've been
here for a while,

and I've had some time to think.

And I've made up my mind.

If you want me,

you're going to
have to fight me.

You ready? I'm coming out.

All fixed.

Honey, I didn't expect
you till tomorrow.

Hi.

Yeah, I decided I'd
come home tonight.

So what's happening
with Stephanie?

Well, she's staying after all,

and to celebrate, we
had a late dinner,

and she made something.

Oh, great, meatloaf.

Brownies.

Wow.

How did it go in New York?

Well, let's just
say I didn't get it.

What?

But things sounded so
positive on the phone.

I can't believe she
didn't want you.

I didn't say that.

Meow.