Newhart (1982–1990): Season 2, Episode 15 - Kirk Pops the Question - full transcript
When he finds out that Cindy is planning a trip to Europe next year, Kirk decides to ask her to marry him.
- Oh, that sounds great, Elliot.
You know, I've seen
other writers before
in bookstores
autographing their books,
and, uh, I've always
kinda envied them.
What bookstore wants me?
Ha... Handy Sam
the Hardware Man.
- Dick?
- Hold on, Elliot.
- Excuse me, Dick.
There's a man on the front
porch who would like a room.
- Fine, George.
Have him come inside.
- He can't come inside.
He's afraid of hotels.
- What?
- He says it's a phobia.
- Well, uh, tell
him it's not a hotel.
It's an inn.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, Elliot.
Eh, tell him I'll be there.
This Saturday at 10:00.
I was just talking to Elliot
and he wants me to do
an autographing session.
- That's great, honey!
At which bookstore?
- The one that... that
carries most of my books.
- Oh! Handy Sam
the Hardware Man.
- Yeah.
- Dick, now he says
he's afraid of me.
- What?
- Hi. I'm, uh... really
sorry about this.
- That's okay.
- What's the problem?
- Oh, this man
needs a place to stay
and apparently he has
this, um, fear of hotels.
- Catalimophobia.
I, uh, wouldn't be in this mess,
except that I had a flat tire
and I can't get it fixed
till tomorrow, and uh...
the people at the garage
won't let me sleep in my car.
- Well, look, this
isn't really a hotel,
it's our home. Why
don't you think of it as
just a big house?
- Or... just a big car.
- I think I can give that a try.
- Well, do you, uh,
want to register?
- Thank you.
- What do you
do, mister... Pack?
- I'm a heavy
equipment salesman.
There you go. Room 5.
Up the stairs on the right.
- Stairs, huh?
Look, uh... couldn't I
just stay in the lobby?
It's just for one night.
- I'm sorry. We
can't really allow that.
- Yeah. I don't think you'd be
very comfortable on that sofa.
- Ah. You're probably right.
That's velour, isn't it?
- Uh, why don't we put a
cot down here in Dick's study?
- Oh, that'd be great.
- Okay. Stephanie?
- STEPHANIE: Yes?
- Would you please bring
down some fresh linens
so we can make up
a bed in the study?
- Could you do it? I'm
kind of busy right now.
- What are you doing?
- I'm drinking a Tab.
- Stephanie, get the bedding.
- I'll go get the cot.
You're not afraid
of cots, are you?
- I guess we'll find out.
- Well, Mr. Pack,
why don't you go on in
and make yourself at home.
- I really appreciate this.
- That poor guy.
[shrieks]
- Well, you might as well
give my organs to science.
My life is over!
- BOTH: Hi, Kirk.
- Doesn't anybody
care why I'm upset?
- Do you?
- Why are you upset, Kirk?
- Oh, no reason. Except,
apparently Cindy and I
aren't as close as
I thought we were.
- What happened?
- Last night I found out
she's planning a whole
vacation without me.
She's going to Europe
with some friend of hers,
"Idiot Debbie."
- When is she leaving?
- A year from next spring.
- And you're upset now?
- Yes! How could she
plan a vacation without me?
I can't even plan
a day without her.
And a year from now I
figured we'd be even closer.
But if she's planning this trip,
it means she doesn't
think she's gonna feel
the same way about me as I
think I'm gonna feel about her.
- Kirk, I... I think
you're being ridiculous!
- Well it didn't seem
ridiculous last night
with brochures of stupid
Italy spread out in front of me!
- Well, I don't understand
what a guest is
doing in the study,
but here's the bedding.
- Oh. Would you put it in there?
- Sure, why not?
I've come this far.
How are you, Kirk?
- Devastated.
- I'm not having
a good day either.
- Well, here's the cot.
- I left the stuff on the chair.
- Oh, now that the cot's
here, could you make it up?
[sighs]
- It's so busy down here!
Can I talk up in your bedroom?
- No.
- Kirk, it doesn't sound
like there's anything
to talk about.
- How can you say
that? I'm losing Cindy.
- Kirk, maybe Cindy doesn't know
how strongly you feel about her.
- Well, what am I
suppose to do? Tell her?
- What's wrong with that?
- What if she doesn't feel
the same way about me?
- Well, you'll never
know that if you don't talk.
- Kirk, how strongly do
you feel about Cindy?
- I can't imagine
life without her.
- Then I think you should
tell her how you feel.
- I think I should
do more then that.
I think it's time I
pop the question.
- You're kidding.
- Dick, a year from
April, I don't want Cindy
winging gaily to sunny
Rome with a girlfriend.
I want her frozen
in Vermont with me.
- Oh, that's sweet.
- You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get a reservation
at Barney's Friday night,
buy her a special gift
and give up the swinging
single's life forever.
- Oh, Kirk!
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have people
waiting in the café
and I think I'm gonna throw up.
- More coffee?
- Oh. Thank you.
- Is the gentleman...
finished with his dinner?
- I don't know.
Why don't you leave it
there a few more minutes?
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.
- Well, you seem so nervous.
- I'm not nervous.
- Your elbow is in your plate.
- Oh. Darn.
- Are you sure
there's nothing wrong?
- No! Why do you keep asking?
- Because you've left
the table three times,
and you haven't
touched your food...
except with your elbow.
- Look, Cindy,
I know I haven't been
much company tonight,
but there's been
something on my mind.
- Oh. What is it?
- Well, there's a reason
I brought you here.
[sighs]
I wanted this night to
be special because...
Because... Excuse me!
- Kirk!
- The, uh, gentleman left again?
- Yes. Why don't
you just take his plate.
- Fine.
- Cindy!
- Oh, Stephanie!
What on Earth are
you doing here?
- Just having dinner.
- Alone?
- Oh, no. With Kirk.
- Oh!
- He's in the bathroom.
- This is my date,
Marshall Coleman.
Pre-Med.
This is my friend Cindy Parker.
She's a clown.
- Please to meet you.
- Would you like
to join us for coffee?
- Great! Do you mind?
- No! Waiter.
- I love table-hopping.
I used to do it all
the time back home.
Until I moved here,
I don't think I ever
finished a meal
with the same
people I started with.
- Two more espressos?
- Fine.
- Two more espressos.
- Fine.
- I love your dress.
- Thank you.
- Is that a natural fabric?
- I guess so.
Oh, there you are.
- Stephanie.
- Surprise!
- What are you doing here?
- They were on their way out
when we spotted each other
and I asked them
to join us for coffee.
- Oh, great!
- This is Marshall Coleman.
- Pre-Med.
- Oh. Nice to meet you.
Stephanie, could I speak
to you for a moment?
- Sure!
I love this!
- Beat it.
- What?
- Go on, get outta here. Shoo!
- What is the matter with you?
- I want some privacy.
I'm about to ask Cindy
a very important and
personal question.
- What is it?
- I'm not going to tell
you before I ask her.
- You mean you're
going to ask...
[squealing]
- Just talking about the inn.
- Oh, Kirk! I'm
so happy for you!
- More inn stuff.
[laughs]
- Kirk, I had no
idea. We'll leave.
I wouldn't dream of spoiling
your wonderful moment.
Oh, Kirk, this is just great!
- Oh, we love the inn.
- Everything okay?
- Wonderful.
Come on, Marshall. Let's go.
- We're leaving?
- Yeah. Come on.
I'll explain it in the Porsche.
I'm so happy for you!
- Why?
- Oh, just because you're
a clown and everything.
- Oh, great seeing you. Bye-bye.
Okay.
[sighs]
- Kirk, what is going on?
- What do you mean?
- You've been a nervous
wreck all evening.
Then Stephanie just left here
all choked up about something.
- Okay, I... I can explain.
- Excuse me...
weren't there some people
here who ordered espressos?
- Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, they had to leave.
- Kirk, would you
like an espresso?
- No. Do you have
milk of magnesia?
- No.
- Well, nothing. Thank you.
Look... Cindy, tonight
hasn't worked out
exactly as I thought
it would, but...
here.
- What's this?
- Open it.
- Oh, Kirk! They're beautiful.
- They're earrings.
- I know!
Thank you.
But, I... I don't get it.
What are these for?
- I want to ask you a question.
And the question
is... feel like a movie?
- Well, Mr. Loudon,
how's everything going?
- Just fine.
- I saw you signing a book.
- Yeah. That was about,
uh... about 20 minutes ago.
- How many have you signed?
- Just that one.
- Gee, I'm surprised.
I thought there'd
be a lot more people.
Especially since it's so cheap.
Maybe I could get
one for my father.
- I'll be glad to
sign it for you.
- Let me think about it.
- Where's the rat poison?
- Aisle 2, near the front.
[knocking]
[bell rings]
- Hi, Dick.
- Hi, George.
- I brought you some more books.
Thought you might
be getting low.
- Uh, thanks, George.
- Boy, this is exciting.
- Yeah.
- I love your name on that sign.
Kind of makes you a celebrity.
Mind if I watch?
- Well, there's not
much to see, George,
but you're welcome to stay.
- Thanks.
[cash register rings]
- So, this is gonna help
you sell more books, huh?
- That's what they say.
- No one's stopping.
- Well, you know,
George, a lot of people
don't feel comfortable
coming up to, uh...
to use your term, a "celebrity,"
and, you know, it really
isn't the barbecue season.
They did stick me all the
way over here in the corner.
You know, there are
a lot of reasons why...
I'll never do this again.
- Well, as long as it's quiet,
I think I'll look
around the store
and see if there's anything
we need for the inn.
Wow! Oh, it's Dick Loudon,
author of "Let's
Build a Barbecue."
- George, don't do that.
I never thought I'd meet you.
Boy, here's a
book I sure can use.
- [whispering]
George, don't do this!
- In fact I'll take two.
You can't have too
many barbecues.
What a great gift idea!
- Hey, I'll take one of those.
- You will?
- Yeah.
- Fine. What's...
what's your name?
- Ralph.
- There you go.
- What's this?
- That's my autograph.
- Do I get a discount,
now that it's all marked up?
- Why don't you...
Why don't you take a new
one and pay the cashier.
- Oh. Okay. Thanks.
- It's working!
- George, don't
ever do that again.
- Hey, there's Kirk.
- Oh, great.
- [bell rings]
- Why aren't you at the inn?
- Why? Is something wrong?
- Yes! I'm miserable
and I need to talk to you.
- What's the matter?
- I couldn't ask Cindy.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
Every time I went
to say the words,
I couldn't get them
out of my mouth.
- What are we talking about?
- Dick, I think I'm
afraid of her answer.
- Well, I mean, that's natural.
Every one is afraid
of being turned down,
but you just have
to think positive
and hope that she says yes.
- I'm afraid of that too.
- You're afraid she'll say yes?
- I'm afraid of
whatever she says
because no matter what it
is, it's gonna change my life,
and that terrifies me.
- Then I don't know
what to tell you.
- Me either.
- Dick...
I'm faced with the most
important decision of my life.
What I need is for you to
make that decision for me.
- Are you crazy?
I can't do that.
I mean, if I tell
you not to ask her,
you may be
passing up the, the...
the best chance for
happiness you've ever had.
And if I tell you to ask
her and she says no
and then you'll be miserable.
Even if she says yes,
you may be miserable.
I mean, I... I can't win!
- I can live with that.
- We'll, I can't. I won't do it.
- Okay, okay. Let's
stop being silly.
Let's just write down
"ask" and "don't ask"
on slips of paper
and draw them out of a hat.
- You can't decide
your future from a hat!
- Fine! Then, I'll
let George decide
and you're gonna
have to live with that.
- Okay. What am I deciding?
- Nothing. Look, Kirk, this
is your decision to make
and don't try to hang
it on George and me.
- Dick, if you don't
tell me what to do,
then I'm not gonna do anything.
And that's the same
thing as telling me
not to ask Cindy. So
there, it's hung on you.
- You're insane,
do you know that?
- Yes! That's why I'm here!
- Look, I'm gonna
bend a rule of mine.
I'm gonna make the
most important decision
of your life for you.
In my opinion,
Cindy is the best thing
that ever happened to you.
You've become a better
person since you've known her.
I think you should ask her.
- You really do?
- Yes.
- I hope for your
sake you're right.
[sighs]
- Are you finished, sir?
- Huh? Yes.
- You didn't touch your salad.
- I guess I'm not hungry.
- Well, Kirk, if we're
not gonna eat anything,
why do we keep coming here?
- Because this is our place.
Because there's
something I have to ask you.
- Maybe I can make
this easy for you.
I'm really not up
for a movie tonight.
- Look...
[sighs deeply]
- Before I ask you,
I want you to have this.
- Another gift?
- Please, just open it.
- Oh, Kirk, what
a beautiful pin!
- The man in the jewelry store
said it was the clown
from "Pagliacci."
- Thank you. But...
Kirk, why are you doing this?
- Cindy...
we've been going out
for several months now
and I care deeply about you.
You're always in my thoughts,
you're always in my heart.
You're the dearest
thing in my life.
Am I making any sense?
- Yes.
- Good, because
my ears are ringing
and I can't hear
a thing I'm saying.
Cindy...
when two people
feel the way we do,
I think they should be together
for more than
seven nights a week.
What I'm trying to say is...
I love you.
- I love you, too, Kirk.
- You do?
- Yes!
- Well, what I wanted to
ask you was: Cindy Parker,
will you live with me?
- Will I live with you?
- Yeah.
- No.
- No?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe you said no.
This is all Dick's fault.
- I'm sorry, Kirk...
- Sea bass for the lady.
And steak for the gent...
- I don't want it. Take it back.
- What?
- I'm not hungry.
- Well, all right.
- Well, I guess this
is it then. It's over.
- What are you talking about?
- Us. You just said you
don't care about me.
- Kirk, I... I just
told you I loved you.
- Then why won't
you live with me?
- Because I wouldn't
be comfortable with that.
- But I can't go on like this.
- Well, it's hard for me too.
- Then what do we
do? Get married?
- Okay.
- Huh?
- Well, I... I mean,
that's something
I'd be willing to do
if it'd be something
you'd be willing to do.
- Wow! Married!
[laughs]
Cindy and Kirk.
Parker and Devane.
And you wouldn't
have to go on your trip.
Or if you did, I
could go with you.
As a relative.
Waiter, I'll take my dinner now.
- You just said you
didn't want your dinner.
- Well, now I do.
- Well, okay.
- God! Marriage!
You and me, down the aisle,
arm in arm, ball and chain...
What are we talking here?
Every day, a lifetime,
forever and ever and ever.
Take it back. I'm not hungry.
- You just said you were.
- I think he's changed his mind.
We're sorry.
- Oh, I see!
- Look, Kirk, we don't
have to get married.
What I mean is, if you're
having second thoughts...
- I'm not having
second thoughts.
I just needed a
second to think about it.
- Well, I don't want you
to have to think about it.
I mean, either you want
to get married or you don't.
- Well, I do.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
I had a brief second
of terror, but...
now I'm really sure.
- So am I.
- This is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
Waiter, I'll take my steak now.
- Kirk, I'm so happy.
- Cindy...
- Hmm?
From now on, we'll always
remember this as our night.
- This will be our table.
- [piano plays]
- That will be our piano player.
- Whatever he plays
next will be our song.
- And now, for our
friends south of the border.
["Mexican Hat Dance" playing]
[knocking]
- Kirk, it's dark,
the door's locked.
Everyone's asleep.
- No problem.
- [banging] Dick,
Joanna, wake up!
George, wake up! Emergency!
- What on Earth?
- Dick, Joanna!
- Is that Kirk?
- George! Dick, Joanna!
- Everybody, go back
to bed. It's nothing.
- George!
- Joanna, it's just us.
- Hi there!
- What are you doing?
- What's the emergency?
- Oh, I'm sorry. We
shouldn't have wakened you.
- What is this? Everybody
have school tomorrow?
- Well, excuse us.
We went to bed early.
- Oh, exhausted from
signing five books?
- I signed seven books.
Things picked up after you left.
- Kirk, what are you doing here?
- We have big news!
You wanna tell them or should I?
- Oh, it was your
idea to wake them up.
Why don't you tell them?
- She's marrying me!
- Oh!
- She's marrying me!
[everyone exclaiming]
- Looks like we made
the right decision.
- Congratulations. We're
very happy for the both of you.
- I have so many
brides' magazines.
Anytime you want, you
can come up to my room
and look at them.
- Oh, thanks.
- Well, we've got to open
some champagne for this.
- I'll get some.
- Come on, everybody!
Let's not stand here.
Come on, sit down.
- Well, tell us everything.
How he asked you,
what exactly he said...
- Well, we were
at Barney's, and...
Well, you know,
come to think of it,
you never really did ask me.
- I guess you're right. We
were talking about things
and it just sort of evolved.
- Kirk, don't you think
you should ask her?
- Here's the champagne!
- In a minute, George.
Kirk's just about
to make it official.
- Cindy... will you marry me?
- Yes, Kirk. I will.
You know, I've seen
other writers before
in bookstores
autographing their books,
and, uh, I've always
kinda envied them.
What bookstore wants me?
Ha... Handy Sam
the Hardware Man.
- Dick?
- Hold on, Elliot.
- Excuse me, Dick.
There's a man on the front
porch who would like a room.
- Fine, George.
Have him come inside.
- He can't come inside.
He's afraid of hotels.
- What?
- He says it's a phobia.
- Well, uh, tell
him it's not a hotel.
It's an inn.
Yeah, I'm... I'm sorry, Elliot.
Eh, tell him I'll be there.
This Saturday at 10:00.
I was just talking to Elliot
and he wants me to do
an autographing session.
- That's great, honey!
At which bookstore?
- The one that... that
carries most of my books.
- Oh! Handy Sam
the Hardware Man.
- Yeah.
- Dick, now he says
he's afraid of me.
- What?
- Hi. I'm, uh... really
sorry about this.
- That's okay.
- What's the problem?
- Oh, this man
needs a place to stay
and apparently he has
this, um, fear of hotels.
- Catalimophobia.
I, uh, wouldn't be in this mess,
except that I had a flat tire
and I can't get it fixed
till tomorrow, and uh...
the people at the garage
won't let me sleep in my car.
- Well, look, this
isn't really a hotel,
it's our home. Why
don't you think of it as
just a big house?
- Or... just a big car.
- I think I can give that a try.
- Well, do you, uh,
want to register?
- Thank you.
- What do you
do, mister... Pack?
- I'm a heavy
equipment salesman.
There you go. Room 5.
Up the stairs on the right.
- Stairs, huh?
Look, uh... couldn't I
just stay in the lobby?
It's just for one night.
- I'm sorry. We
can't really allow that.
- Yeah. I don't think you'd be
very comfortable on that sofa.
- Ah. You're probably right.
That's velour, isn't it?
- Uh, why don't we put a
cot down here in Dick's study?
- Oh, that'd be great.
- Okay. Stephanie?
- STEPHANIE: Yes?
- Would you please bring
down some fresh linens
so we can make up
a bed in the study?
- Could you do it? I'm
kind of busy right now.
- What are you doing?
- I'm drinking a Tab.
- Stephanie, get the bedding.
- I'll go get the cot.
You're not afraid
of cots, are you?
- I guess we'll find out.
- Well, Mr. Pack,
why don't you go on in
and make yourself at home.
- I really appreciate this.
- That poor guy.
[shrieks]
- Well, you might as well
give my organs to science.
My life is over!
- BOTH: Hi, Kirk.
- Doesn't anybody
care why I'm upset?
- Do you?
- Why are you upset, Kirk?
- Oh, no reason. Except,
apparently Cindy and I
aren't as close as
I thought we were.
- What happened?
- Last night I found out
she's planning a whole
vacation without me.
She's going to Europe
with some friend of hers,
"Idiot Debbie."
- When is she leaving?
- A year from next spring.
- And you're upset now?
- Yes! How could she
plan a vacation without me?
I can't even plan
a day without her.
And a year from now I
figured we'd be even closer.
But if she's planning this trip,
it means she doesn't
think she's gonna feel
the same way about me as I
think I'm gonna feel about her.
- Kirk, I... I think
you're being ridiculous!
- Well it didn't seem
ridiculous last night
with brochures of stupid
Italy spread out in front of me!
- Well, I don't understand
what a guest is
doing in the study,
but here's the bedding.
- Oh. Would you put it in there?
- Sure, why not?
I've come this far.
How are you, Kirk?
- Devastated.
- I'm not having
a good day either.
- Well, here's the cot.
- I left the stuff on the chair.
- Oh, now that the cot's
here, could you make it up?
[sighs]
- It's so busy down here!
Can I talk up in your bedroom?
- No.
- Kirk, it doesn't sound
like there's anything
to talk about.
- How can you say
that? I'm losing Cindy.
- Kirk, maybe Cindy doesn't know
how strongly you feel about her.
- Well, what am I
suppose to do? Tell her?
- What's wrong with that?
- What if she doesn't feel
the same way about me?
- Well, you'll never
know that if you don't talk.
- Kirk, how strongly do
you feel about Cindy?
- I can't imagine
life without her.
- Then I think you should
tell her how you feel.
- I think I should
do more then that.
I think it's time I
pop the question.
- You're kidding.
- Dick, a year from
April, I don't want Cindy
winging gaily to sunny
Rome with a girlfriend.
I want her frozen
in Vermont with me.
- Oh, that's sweet.
- You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get a reservation
at Barney's Friday night,
buy her a special gift
and give up the swinging
single's life forever.
- Oh, Kirk!
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have people
waiting in the café
and I think I'm gonna throw up.
- More coffee?
- Oh. Thank you.
- Is the gentleman...
finished with his dinner?
- I don't know.
Why don't you leave it
there a few more minutes?
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.
- Well, you seem so nervous.
- I'm not nervous.
- Your elbow is in your plate.
- Oh. Darn.
- Are you sure
there's nothing wrong?
- No! Why do you keep asking?
- Because you've left
the table three times,
and you haven't
touched your food...
except with your elbow.
- Look, Cindy,
I know I haven't been
much company tonight,
but there's been
something on my mind.
- Oh. What is it?
- Well, there's a reason
I brought you here.
[sighs]
I wanted this night to
be special because...
Because... Excuse me!
- Kirk!
- The, uh, gentleman left again?
- Yes. Why don't
you just take his plate.
- Fine.
- Cindy!
- Oh, Stephanie!
What on Earth are
you doing here?
- Just having dinner.
- Alone?
- Oh, no. With Kirk.
- Oh!
- He's in the bathroom.
- This is my date,
Marshall Coleman.
Pre-Med.
This is my friend Cindy Parker.
She's a clown.
- Please to meet you.
- Would you like
to join us for coffee?
- Great! Do you mind?
- No! Waiter.
- I love table-hopping.
I used to do it all
the time back home.
Until I moved here,
I don't think I ever
finished a meal
with the same
people I started with.
- Two more espressos?
- Fine.
- Two more espressos.
- Fine.
- I love your dress.
- Thank you.
- Is that a natural fabric?
- I guess so.
Oh, there you are.
- Stephanie.
- Surprise!
- What are you doing here?
- They were on their way out
when we spotted each other
and I asked them
to join us for coffee.
- Oh, great!
- This is Marshall Coleman.
- Pre-Med.
- Oh. Nice to meet you.
Stephanie, could I speak
to you for a moment?
- Sure!
I love this!
- Beat it.
- What?
- Go on, get outta here. Shoo!
- What is the matter with you?
- I want some privacy.
I'm about to ask Cindy
a very important and
personal question.
- What is it?
- I'm not going to tell
you before I ask her.
- You mean you're
going to ask...
[squealing]
- Just talking about the inn.
- Oh, Kirk! I'm
so happy for you!
- More inn stuff.
[laughs]
- Kirk, I had no
idea. We'll leave.
I wouldn't dream of spoiling
your wonderful moment.
Oh, Kirk, this is just great!
- Oh, we love the inn.
- Everything okay?
- Wonderful.
Come on, Marshall. Let's go.
- We're leaving?
- Yeah. Come on.
I'll explain it in the Porsche.
I'm so happy for you!
- Why?
- Oh, just because you're
a clown and everything.
- Oh, great seeing you. Bye-bye.
Okay.
[sighs]
- Kirk, what is going on?
- What do you mean?
- You've been a nervous
wreck all evening.
Then Stephanie just left here
all choked up about something.
- Okay, I... I can explain.
- Excuse me...
weren't there some people
here who ordered espressos?
- Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry, they had to leave.
- Kirk, would you
like an espresso?
- No. Do you have
milk of magnesia?
- No.
- Well, nothing. Thank you.
Look... Cindy, tonight
hasn't worked out
exactly as I thought
it would, but...
here.
- What's this?
- Open it.
- Oh, Kirk! They're beautiful.
- They're earrings.
- I know!
Thank you.
But, I... I don't get it.
What are these for?
- I want to ask you a question.
And the question
is... feel like a movie?
- Well, Mr. Loudon,
how's everything going?
- Just fine.
- I saw you signing a book.
- Yeah. That was about,
uh... about 20 minutes ago.
- How many have you signed?
- Just that one.
- Gee, I'm surprised.
I thought there'd
be a lot more people.
Especially since it's so cheap.
Maybe I could get
one for my father.
- I'll be glad to
sign it for you.
- Let me think about it.
- Where's the rat poison?
- Aisle 2, near the front.
[knocking]
[bell rings]
- Hi, Dick.
- Hi, George.
- I brought you some more books.
Thought you might
be getting low.
- Uh, thanks, George.
- Boy, this is exciting.
- Yeah.
- I love your name on that sign.
Kind of makes you a celebrity.
Mind if I watch?
- Well, there's not
much to see, George,
but you're welcome to stay.
- Thanks.
[cash register rings]
- So, this is gonna help
you sell more books, huh?
- That's what they say.
- No one's stopping.
- Well, you know,
George, a lot of people
don't feel comfortable
coming up to, uh...
to use your term, a "celebrity,"
and, you know, it really
isn't the barbecue season.
They did stick me all the
way over here in the corner.
You know, there are
a lot of reasons why...
I'll never do this again.
- Well, as long as it's quiet,
I think I'll look
around the store
and see if there's anything
we need for the inn.
Wow! Oh, it's Dick Loudon,
author of "Let's
Build a Barbecue."
- George, don't do that.
I never thought I'd meet you.
Boy, here's a
book I sure can use.
- [whispering]
George, don't do this!
- In fact I'll take two.
You can't have too
many barbecues.
What a great gift idea!
- Hey, I'll take one of those.
- You will?
- Yeah.
- Fine. What's...
what's your name?
- Ralph.
- There you go.
- What's this?
- That's my autograph.
- Do I get a discount,
now that it's all marked up?
- Why don't you...
Why don't you take a new
one and pay the cashier.
- Oh. Okay. Thanks.
- It's working!
- George, don't
ever do that again.
- Hey, there's Kirk.
- Oh, great.
- [bell rings]
- Why aren't you at the inn?
- Why? Is something wrong?
- Yes! I'm miserable
and I need to talk to you.
- What's the matter?
- I couldn't ask Cindy.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
Every time I went
to say the words,
I couldn't get them
out of my mouth.
- What are we talking about?
- Dick, I think I'm
afraid of her answer.
- Well, I mean, that's natural.
Every one is afraid
of being turned down,
but you just have
to think positive
and hope that she says yes.
- I'm afraid of that too.
- You're afraid she'll say yes?
- I'm afraid of
whatever she says
because no matter what it
is, it's gonna change my life,
and that terrifies me.
- Then I don't know
what to tell you.
- Me either.
- Dick...
I'm faced with the most
important decision of my life.
What I need is for you to
make that decision for me.
- Are you crazy?
I can't do that.
I mean, if I tell
you not to ask her,
you may be
passing up the, the...
the best chance for
happiness you've ever had.
And if I tell you to ask
her and she says no
and then you'll be miserable.
Even if she says yes,
you may be miserable.
I mean, I... I can't win!
- I can live with that.
- We'll, I can't. I won't do it.
- Okay, okay. Let's
stop being silly.
Let's just write down
"ask" and "don't ask"
on slips of paper
and draw them out of a hat.
- You can't decide
your future from a hat!
- Fine! Then, I'll
let George decide
and you're gonna
have to live with that.
- Okay. What am I deciding?
- Nothing. Look, Kirk, this
is your decision to make
and don't try to hang
it on George and me.
- Dick, if you don't
tell me what to do,
then I'm not gonna do anything.
And that's the same
thing as telling me
not to ask Cindy. So
there, it's hung on you.
- You're insane,
do you know that?
- Yes! That's why I'm here!
- Look, I'm gonna
bend a rule of mine.
I'm gonna make the
most important decision
of your life for you.
In my opinion,
Cindy is the best thing
that ever happened to you.
You've become a better
person since you've known her.
I think you should ask her.
- You really do?
- Yes.
- I hope for your
sake you're right.
[sighs]
- Are you finished, sir?
- Huh? Yes.
- You didn't touch your salad.
- I guess I'm not hungry.
- Well, Kirk, if we're
not gonna eat anything,
why do we keep coming here?
- Because this is our place.
Because there's
something I have to ask you.
- Maybe I can make
this easy for you.
I'm really not up
for a movie tonight.
- Look...
[sighs deeply]
- Before I ask you,
I want you to have this.
- Another gift?
- Please, just open it.
- Oh, Kirk, what
a beautiful pin!
- The man in the jewelry store
said it was the clown
from "Pagliacci."
- Thank you. But...
Kirk, why are you doing this?
- Cindy...
we've been going out
for several months now
and I care deeply about you.
You're always in my thoughts,
you're always in my heart.
You're the dearest
thing in my life.
Am I making any sense?
- Yes.
- Good, because
my ears are ringing
and I can't hear
a thing I'm saying.
Cindy...
when two people
feel the way we do,
I think they should be together
for more than
seven nights a week.
What I'm trying to say is...
I love you.
- I love you, too, Kirk.
- You do?
- Yes!
- Well, what I wanted to
ask you was: Cindy Parker,
will you live with me?
- Will I live with you?
- Yeah.
- No.
- No?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe you said no.
This is all Dick's fault.
- I'm sorry, Kirk...
- Sea bass for the lady.
And steak for the gent...
- I don't want it. Take it back.
- What?
- I'm not hungry.
- Well, all right.
- Well, I guess this
is it then. It's over.
- What are you talking about?
- Us. You just said you
don't care about me.
- Kirk, I... I just
told you I loved you.
- Then why won't
you live with me?
- Because I wouldn't
be comfortable with that.
- But I can't go on like this.
- Well, it's hard for me too.
- Then what do we
do? Get married?
- Okay.
- Huh?
- Well, I... I mean,
that's something
I'd be willing to do
if it'd be something
you'd be willing to do.
- Wow! Married!
[laughs]
Cindy and Kirk.
Parker and Devane.
And you wouldn't
have to go on your trip.
Or if you did, I
could go with you.
As a relative.
Waiter, I'll take my dinner now.
- You just said you
didn't want your dinner.
- Well, now I do.
- Well, okay.
- God! Marriage!
You and me, down the aisle,
arm in arm, ball and chain...
What are we talking here?
Every day, a lifetime,
forever and ever and ever.
Take it back. I'm not hungry.
- You just said you were.
- I think he's changed his mind.
We're sorry.
- Oh, I see!
- Look, Kirk, we don't
have to get married.
What I mean is, if you're
having second thoughts...
- I'm not having
second thoughts.
I just needed a
second to think about it.
- Well, I don't want you
to have to think about it.
I mean, either you want
to get married or you don't.
- Well, I do.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
I had a brief second
of terror, but...
now I'm really sure.
- So am I.
- This is the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
Waiter, I'll take my steak now.
- Kirk, I'm so happy.
- Cindy...
- Hmm?
From now on, we'll always
remember this as our night.
- This will be our table.
- [piano plays]
- That will be our piano player.
- Whatever he plays
next will be our song.
- And now, for our
friends south of the border.
["Mexican Hat Dance" playing]
[knocking]
- Kirk, it's dark,
the door's locked.
Everyone's asleep.
- No problem.
- [banging] Dick,
Joanna, wake up!
George, wake up! Emergency!
- What on Earth?
- Dick, Joanna!
- Is that Kirk?
- George! Dick, Joanna!
- Everybody, go back
to bed. It's nothing.
- George!
- Joanna, it's just us.
- Hi there!
- What are you doing?
- What's the emergency?
- Oh, I'm sorry. We
shouldn't have wakened you.
- What is this? Everybody
have school tomorrow?
- Well, excuse us.
We went to bed early.
- Oh, exhausted from
signing five books?
- I signed seven books.
Things picked up after you left.
- Kirk, what are you doing here?
- We have big news!
You wanna tell them or should I?
- Oh, it was your
idea to wake them up.
Why don't you tell them?
- She's marrying me!
- Oh!
- She's marrying me!
[everyone exclaiming]
- Looks like we made
the right decision.
- Congratulations. We're
very happy for the both of you.
- I have so many
brides' magazines.
Anytime you want, you
can come up to my room
and look at them.
- Oh, thanks.
- Well, we've got to open
some champagne for this.
- I'll get some.
- Come on, everybody!
Let's not stand here.
Come on, sit down.
- Well, tell us everything.
How he asked you,
what exactly he said...
- Well, we were
at Barney's, and...
Well, you know,
come to think of it,
you never really did ask me.
- I guess you're right. We
were talking about things
and it just sort of evolved.
- Kirk, don't you think
you should ask her?
- Here's the champagne!
- In a minute, George.
Kirk's just about
to make it official.
- Cindy... will you marry me?
- Yes, Kirk. I will.