Newhart (1982–1990): Season 1, Episode 7 - The Perfect Match - full transcript
Kirk is jealous when an old flame of Leslie's appears with a proposal.
Dick, stop whatever you're doing.
I just got a great idea.
Well, I hope it doesn't have anything to do
with my coat and my boots.
Come on, honey,
we've been cooped up in here all day.
We need to get out and exercise.
We are not active enough.
I'm active. Who do you think
has been turning these pages?
Dick, it's not healthy to stay in the house
all the time.
Come on, put on your boots
and let's go for a walk.
What are you doing?
I can put on my own boots.
- Well, then do it.
- I don't want to.
I mean, it's snowing.
It's eight degrees out there.
Why do we have to do it now?
Because it will be invigorating.
- It will be invigorating later.
- Like when?
Like spring.
Dick, you need exercise.
Without it your muscles atrophy,
your arteries clog,
your heart gets weak and shrivels up.
Do you want to just lie there like a lump
and deteriorate?
I'd like to give it a shot.
I'll tell you what, if you let me lie here
and deteriorate today,
I'll go for a walk tomorrow.
- You promise?
-1 cross whatever is left of my heart.
Okay.
Hi, guys. Is Leslie around?
No, it's her day off, and she went skiing.
- Do you know what time she'll be back?
- It could be hours.
I'll wait.
Is there anything in particular
you wanted?
Yeah, I wanted to be around Leslie.
But this is good. This will give
the three of us a chance to talk.
- Talk about what?
- I don't know.
It just seems I'm always talking to Leslie,
and the three of us haven't had much of
a chance to really get to know each other.
- Guess that's true.
- Yeah.
Now, the first thing ll really want to know
is this,
what time do you think
Leslie will be back?
If wishing can make it so, any minute.
Hey, Dick, I'm glad I caught you.
As a history buff, you'll love this.
A doormat?
It's not just a doormat.
It's the first doormat.
Ever?
No, here at the inn.
My father bought this the year I was born.
Imagine if these bristles could talk.
That would be some doormat.
You know what ll think I'll do?
I think I'll put this mat by the front door,
and put the one that's there now
out by the back door.
You know, I like a man
who is not afraid of change.
- Hi, George.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Oh, hi, everybody.
- GEORGE: See, it still works.
I want you to meet one of my oldest
and absolute best friends, Blake LeMaster.
This is Dick and Joanna Loudon,
the people I work for,
and our next door neighbor, Kirk Devane.
- Well, it's nice to meet you all.
- Same here.
Weren't you the one I spoke to
on the phone this morning?
Yes, ll just flew in
on the spur of the moment.
By the way, thanks for telling me
where I could find Leslie.
Do you know what he did?
I was skiing down Suicide Point,
practicing my slalom,
when all of a sudden he swooped down,
caught me from behind,
lofted me on his shoulders and
carried me on to the base of the mountain.
Where we collapsed into a snow bank,
laughing like children.
Have you ever heard of anything
more incredible?
I've never seen anything like him.
Skiing, huh?
- Yeah, do you ski?
-1 guess I ski. I grew up in Switzerland.
-1 know Switzerland. What part?
- The snowy part.
If you're from Switzerland,
what happened to your accent?
I lost it in a bad fall.
Why don't we all come over and sit down?
Yeah.
So, you say you two have known
each other for a long time.
Since childhood. It's always been
Blake and Leslie, Leslie and Blake.
All the way through high school,
we were inseparable.
Silly, superficial high school.
Sounds like it was pretty serious to me.
Well, we did go steady for four years.
Yeah, but that's because
everybody went steady.
And we did spend those
three months together touring Europe.
Show me two kids who didn't.
So what caused you two to break up?
We just had different things
we wanted to do.
I remember we were on a boat
in the middle of the Mediterranean,
and ll wanted to go to Turkey,
and Leslie wanted to go to school.
It's always the same old story.
- So what do you do now, Blake?
- This and that.
Will you listen to him?
Believe me, if it's a challenge,
if it's dangerous,
if it's never been done before,
Blake will do it.
We sound like twins.
Say, I got an idea. Why don't
the three of us have dinner tonight?
That'd be great, only ll invited Blake
to have dinner here tonight.
If that's okay with you two.
- It's fine with us.
- We'd love to have you,
and you're welcome to stay the night.
Thanks a lot. I'd like that.
I hope you don't mind, Kirk.
Maybe tomorrow.
No. Fine.
- Is he upset?
-1 think so. But why?
You know the Swiss.
BLAKE: Look at how smooth
the snow is out there.
Like no living thing has ever walked on it.
Yeah, you can bet tomorrow
some fool will be out there
with his boots on messing it up.
I love this country up here.
It's so great to look out your window and
to be able to see such incredible serenity.
(GASPS)
Kirk's here.
- Hope everybody's hungry.
- Well, it smells delicious.
I'm sure it will be. Joanna is a great cook.
Honey, listen, I meant to explain,
I wasn't expecting this many people,
and we really didn't have anything
in the house, so ll had to run out,
and the only thing that looked really good
at the store...
This is lamb, isn't it?
Yeah, but ll made your favorite potatoes.
- Mashed?
- made your second favorite potatoes.
Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late.
Just as I was getting ready to leave,
I had to put out a grease fire.
I guess that's one of the hazards
of running a restaurant.
It was under my car.
Anyway, I brought you this.
Oh, Kirk, how sweet. Thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
It's an ashtray from my souvenir shop.
"Put your butt here."
Cute, huh?
Almost makes me wish I smoked.
Okay, why don't you all sit down?
Thanks again for inviting me.
Well, like you said when you called,
you weren't doing anything.
KIRK: Leslie, where are you sitting?
- Right here.
- I'm there.
(KIRK CHUCKLING)
Thank you.
Thank you.
Joanna, thank you for going
to all this trouble.
Yeah, ll love lamb.
Who doesn't?
George, I was just about to make a toast.
All right, I'll make it quick. Here's to Blake.
Thank you.
- Now I'd like to make a toast. Is that okay?
- Sure.
"Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye
“"That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die
"I lift my glass to my mouth
I look at you, and I sigh”
Now I want to make a toast.
Kirk, I'm a little toasted out.
Yeah, why don't we all
just go ahead and eat?
By the way, this is a nice Bordeaux.
Chateau Montrose, 1976.
- He's right.
- You showoff.
Not really, there's a little trick to that
I picked up
in the south of France last year.
- What's that?
- Read the label first.
Clever.
You know, I once picked up
a little trick in the south of France.
Her name was Babette.
Here you go.
What were you doing in France?
Vacationing?
No. A friend and I had this car,
and we found ourselves
with a little time on our hands,
so we took it over and ran it in Le Mans.
Oh, that's nice.
Wait a minute, Joanna.
You raced a car in Le Mans?
- Yeah, with a friend.
- How did you do?
Kirk, when someone's raced a car
at Le Mans, you don't ask how they did.
I mean, what matters
is they raced a car at Le Mans.
- And won.
- Wow!
I think you've struck a chord with Dick.
Well, ll love racing. You know, it's
an incredible blend of man and machine.
I can't think of anything more exciting.
How about watching the sun coming up
over Mount Kilimanjaro?
Oh, yeah.
He's amazing, isn't he?
Blake, you sound to me
like you've traveled some.
George, Blake's been around the world.
- How many times?
- I don't know.
- Ten?
- Or 20.
And I still can't believe the things he does.
If there's a mountain, he climbs it.
If there's an ocean, he swims it.
If there's an evening, he ruins it.
And what's more amazing
is that he always succeeds
at everything he does.
As long as I have known Blake,
he's always won
at everything he's ever tried.
Well, I guess there's only one thing
in my life
that I have wanted and haven't won.
What's that?
This lady right here.
- Oh, Blake.
- No, Leslie, it's true.
That's why I'm here.
- What do you mean?
- Yeah, what do you mean?
Leslie, I came back to ask you
to marry me.
And I don't care how long it takes,
I'm not leaving until you say yes.
I'm sorry, I was eating. What did you say?
What do you say?
Blake, I'm not ready to be married.
- Do you love me?
- You know how I feel about you.
But what about my education?
What about the Olympics?
Leslie, what about them?
When you study, I'll be there
right beside you turning the pages.
When you're skiing,
I'll be the one holding the stopwatch.
Leslie, I don't want to interfere
with your life, I want to champion it.
You know, this would mean
you'd have to come here to live.
I mean, it's not Tibet or Khartoum.
It's just plain old Vermont.
Not that Vermont can't be fun.
What do you say?
Dick, do you need anything?
No, that's all right, I just...
l came down to get something,
but, you know, I can get it in the morning.
- What were you going to get?
- A book to read tonight.
Well, don't worry about us.
No, that's all right, I should be in bed.
I have that walk tomorrow.
Dick, don't be silly, get the book.
Well, it'll only take a second.
I'll grab the first book I see.
- Kirk.
- Hi, Dick.
How did you get in here?
What's the difference how I got in here?
The point is I'm losing Leslie.
I don't think you ever had Leslie.
You don't have to actually have someone
to lose them.
Did Rex Harrison have Audrey Hepburn?
Did Humphrey Bogart
have Ingrid Bergman?
Go home, Kirk. It's late.
Go home to what?
To a crummy little café with
a cheap souvenir shop and Formica tables?
That's all my life is now without Leslie.
That's all it was before.
You're a real fountain of sympathy, Dick.
I'm sorry, Kirk.
I know you're feeling bad, but it's...
I mean, it's not like
you're losing her to some jerk.
I mean, you're losing her to a great guy,
probably the greatest guy
I've ever met in my life.
What do I do, Dick?
I mean, you must know
what it's like to lose,
a guy like you.
Well, there was one time, I was in college.
We worked on
this radical student newspaper.
Wait a minute.
You, Mr. Penny Loafer,
worked on a radical newspaper?
I was the editor.
Forgive me, Dick, it's hard to picture you
as an angry young man.
Actually, I was more like
a cranky young man.
Anyway, I was dating our food critic.
You had a food critic
on your radical newspaper?
Well, remember, this was the '50s.
There wasn't all that much to criticize.
Food and 3-D glasses were about it.
Get on with it, Dick.
Well, I was really crazy about this girl,
you know.
I mean, she was everything I ever wanted,
and then she started dating
our faculty adviser.
I'm glad.
Well, I knew I couldn't compete, you know.
He was older, wiser, more experienced.
But, I mean,
that didn't mean I stopped fighting.
You know, I wanted her,
and ll wanted to let her know it.
Did you get her?
No. But...
I mean, to this day I feel better
about myself knowing that I tried.
I feel better knowing that
and that that wiser, older,
more experienced professor is now
a 75-year-old geezer.
That's a great story, Dick.
Are you saying I should go after Leslie?
What I'm saying is that if you
really want Leslie, then let her know it.
I mean, what's the worst thing
she can say?
Guess what? We're engaged.
I guess he can't wait to tell everyone.
- Morning, everybody.
- Morning, honey.
Hi.
-1 love her.
- I guess.
Okay, I'm ready.
- Me, too.
- That's right, today is your walk.
Yeah.
Yeah, we have a nice day for it, too.
It stopped snowing,
the thermometer's shot up to 10.
This is going to be good for both of us.
It's gonna put color in our cheeks.
It's gonna make us feel better.
We're gonna love it.
You're right.
All right, let's get it over with.
I can't believe
I woke up this morning engaged.
Neither can I.
Let's talk about what kind of wedding
we're gonna have.
I had a thought about that.
Now it's all assuming you agree, of course,
but picture this.
You and I, and a party of, say, 700,
are married at dusk in the shadow
of the great Pyramid of Cheops.
- You're joking.
- No, I'm seriously thinking about it.
- Blake, come on.
- Honey, this is our wedding.
Don't you want to make it
a day to remember?
I think I'm gonna remember our wedding,
no matter where it happens.
But it ties in so great
with the honeymoon.
What's the honeymoon?
All right, now it's just a thought,
but we take a cruise.
I like that.
In a reed boat across the Atlantic,
you, me and Thor Heyerdahl.
- Blake!
- What?
It's great.
Nobody has ever done that before.
Not even Thor Heyerdahl.
Blake, what's the matter with you?
Why can't our just getting married
be enough?
What's wrong with making it
a little exciting?
I mean, what do you want, honey?
Family and friends
in some rinky-dink chapel,
followed by a week in Niagara Falls?
I think that sounds charming.
Niagara Falls? I go there to be bored.
- You'll never change, will you?
- What are you talking about?
Why do you want to marry me?
Why do I want to marry you?
I want to marry you because... Because...
Because I've always been something
you couldn't have.
And now that I've agreed, you're looking
for something else you can't have.
- All I'm looking for is a little adventure.
- You're looking for things that will kill us.
Gee, Leslie,
I was all pumped up about this.
Now what do we do?
I'll tell you what ll think we should do.
I think that you should go to Egypt
and check out the pyramids,
and I'll stay here and finish school.
And maybe in a few years,
we'll get together again.
Let me see if I understand this.
You're dumping me.
Yeah.
- Now I want you even more.
- Blake.
Leslie, what did you expect?
That I would walk out that door
and forget about you?
If I have to, I'll come back here
and win you all over again.
In fact, that sounds even better.
That's what I'll do.
I'll come back and win you again!
Oh, God, this is gonna be great.
Well, I understand congratulations
are in order.
- They were last night.
- Congratulations.
- They're not this morning.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
No, that's okay. We're still friends.
Then congratulations.
Thanks, George.
- Back already?
- Ten degrees is a lot colder than it looks.
How far did you get?
- How far is the end of the driveway?
- I'd say 80 feet.
Then we went 40.
Well, the main thing is we did get out.
Yeah, if we keep this up, in a week or two
we should be able to get our mail.
Have you two heard
about Blake and Leslie?
- Yes, isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I guess it is.
Blake and I aren't getting married after all.
- What?
- Oh, no, that's terrible.
See, that's what I thought.
We both thought it over this morning,
and we decided that it would be better
if we just waited a little longer.
Or maybe a lot longer.
- Leslie, I'm so sorry.
- No, it's fine, really.
Look, I know this has
gotta be rough, Leslie,
so, you know, if you want to be alone
or take the rest of the day off...
It's okay, Dick.
I mean, breaking up was my idea.
I think I'll feel better
if I could just keep on working.
- I'll start breakfast.
- I'll help you.
If you love something, let it go.
If it was meant to be,
it'll come back to you.
Thank you, George.
Makes me feel a lot better.
I read that on a tree.
Well, I did it.
- Did what?
- Got engaged to a woman I don't love.
- What are you talking about, Kirk?
-1 took your advice, I got even.
- Never said get even.
- Well, whatever you said.
I went out last night and started proposing
until I found a woman
who would marry me.
What kind of woman would marry
a stranger off the street?
Not tops.
Leslie broke her engagement with Blake.
Can I use your phone?
Sure.
Hello, Dora. This is Sparky.
Listen, I know it's early, but I wanted to
catch you before your truck pulled out.
Well, I can certainly understand
you feeling that way,
and if I'm ever really down on myself,
who knows, maybe I'll give that a try.
No, you take care.
Well, Dick, lead me to Leslie.
I'm ready to pledge my troth.
-1 think she wants to be alone, Kirk.
- Right.
You know what ll think I'll do?
I'll go into town,
I'll order some flowers and have them
delivered with a little card that says,
"Whatever happened,
you've still got a friend.”
- That would be classy.
- Thanks.
If you want to split this,
I could have it say "friends."”
No.
I just got a great idea.
Well, I hope it doesn't have anything to do
with my coat and my boots.
Come on, honey,
we've been cooped up in here all day.
We need to get out and exercise.
We are not active enough.
I'm active. Who do you think
has been turning these pages?
Dick, it's not healthy to stay in the house
all the time.
Come on, put on your boots
and let's go for a walk.
What are you doing?
I can put on my own boots.
- Well, then do it.
- I don't want to.
I mean, it's snowing.
It's eight degrees out there.
Why do we have to do it now?
Because it will be invigorating.
- It will be invigorating later.
- Like when?
Like spring.
Dick, you need exercise.
Without it your muscles atrophy,
your arteries clog,
your heart gets weak and shrivels up.
Do you want to just lie there like a lump
and deteriorate?
I'd like to give it a shot.
I'll tell you what, if you let me lie here
and deteriorate today,
I'll go for a walk tomorrow.
- You promise?
-1 cross whatever is left of my heart.
Okay.
Hi, guys. Is Leslie around?
No, it's her day off, and she went skiing.
- Do you know what time she'll be back?
- It could be hours.
I'll wait.
Is there anything in particular
you wanted?
Yeah, I wanted to be around Leslie.
But this is good. This will give
the three of us a chance to talk.
- Talk about what?
- I don't know.
It just seems I'm always talking to Leslie,
and the three of us haven't had much of
a chance to really get to know each other.
- Guess that's true.
- Yeah.
Now, the first thing ll really want to know
is this,
what time do you think
Leslie will be back?
If wishing can make it so, any minute.
Hey, Dick, I'm glad I caught you.
As a history buff, you'll love this.
A doormat?
It's not just a doormat.
It's the first doormat.
Ever?
No, here at the inn.
My father bought this the year I was born.
Imagine if these bristles could talk.
That would be some doormat.
You know what ll think I'll do?
I think I'll put this mat by the front door,
and put the one that's there now
out by the back door.
You know, I like a man
who is not afraid of change.
- Hi, George.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Oh, hi, everybody.
- GEORGE: See, it still works.
I want you to meet one of my oldest
and absolute best friends, Blake LeMaster.
This is Dick and Joanna Loudon,
the people I work for,
and our next door neighbor, Kirk Devane.
- Well, it's nice to meet you all.
- Same here.
Weren't you the one I spoke to
on the phone this morning?
Yes, ll just flew in
on the spur of the moment.
By the way, thanks for telling me
where I could find Leslie.
Do you know what he did?
I was skiing down Suicide Point,
practicing my slalom,
when all of a sudden he swooped down,
caught me from behind,
lofted me on his shoulders and
carried me on to the base of the mountain.
Where we collapsed into a snow bank,
laughing like children.
Have you ever heard of anything
more incredible?
I've never seen anything like him.
Skiing, huh?
- Yeah, do you ski?
-1 guess I ski. I grew up in Switzerland.
-1 know Switzerland. What part?
- The snowy part.
If you're from Switzerland,
what happened to your accent?
I lost it in a bad fall.
Why don't we all come over and sit down?
Yeah.
So, you say you two have known
each other for a long time.
Since childhood. It's always been
Blake and Leslie, Leslie and Blake.
All the way through high school,
we were inseparable.
Silly, superficial high school.
Sounds like it was pretty serious to me.
Well, we did go steady for four years.
Yeah, but that's because
everybody went steady.
And we did spend those
three months together touring Europe.
Show me two kids who didn't.
So what caused you two to break up?
We just had different things
we wanted to do.
I remember we were on a boat
in the middle of the Mediterranean,
and ll wanted to go to Turkey,
and Leslie wanted to go to school.
It's always the same old story.
- So what do you do now, Blake?
- This and that.
Will you listen to him?
Believe me, if it's a challenge,
if it's dangerous,
if it's never been done before,
Blake will do it.
We sound like twins.
Say, I got an idea. Why don't
the three of us have dinner tonight?
That'd be great, only ll invited Blake
to have dinner here tonight.
If that's okay with you two.
- It's fine with us.
- We'd love to have you,
and you're welcome to stay the night.
Thanks a lot. I'd like that.
I hope you don't mind, Kirk.
Maybe tomorrow.
No. Fine.
- Is he upset?
-1 think so. But why?
You know the Swiss.
BLAKE: Look at how smooth
the snow is out there.
Like no living thing has ever walked on it.
Yeah, you can bet tomorrow
some fool will be out there
with his boots on messing it up.
I love this country up here.
It's so great to look out your window and
to be able to see such incredible serenity.
(GASPS)
Kirk's here.
- Hope everybody's hungry.
- Well, it smells delicious.
I'm sure it will be. Joanna is a great cook.
Honey, listen, I meant to explain,
I wasn't expecting this many people,
and we really didn't have anything
in the house, so ll had to run out,
and the only thing that looked really good
at the store...
This is lamb, isn't it?
Yeah, but ll made your favorite potatoes.
- Mashed?
- made your second favorite potatoes.
Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late.
Just as I was getting ready to leave,
I had to put out a grease fire.
I guess that's one of the hazards
of running a restaurant.
It was under my car.
Anyway, I brought you this.
Oh, Kirk, how sweet. Thank you.
You didn't have to do that.
It's an ashtray from my souvenir shop.
"Put your butt here."
Cute, huh?
Almost makes me wish I smoked.
Okay, why don't you all sit down?
Thanks again for inviting me.
Well, like you said when you called,
you weren't doing anything.
KIRK: Leslie, where are you sitting?
- Right here.
- I'm there.
(KIRK CHUCKLING)
Thank you.
Thank you.
Joanna, thank you for going
to all this trouble.
Yeah, ll love lamb.
Who doesn't?
George, I was just about to make a toast.
All right, I'll make it quick. Here's to Blake.
Thank you.
- Now I'd like to make a toast. Is that okay?
- Sure.
"Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye
“"That's all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die
"I lift my glass to my mouth
I look at you, and I sigh”
Now I want to make a toast.
Kirk, I'm a little toasted out.
Yeah, why don't we all
just go ahead and eat?
By the way, this is a nice Bordeaux.
Chateau Montrose, 1976.
- He's right.
- You showoff.
Not really, there's a little trick to that
I picked up
in the south of France last year.
- What's that?
- Read the label first.
Clever.
You know, I once picked up
a little trick in the south of France.
Her name was Babette.
Here you go.
What were you doing in France?
Vacationing?
No. A friend and I had this car,
and we found ourselves
with a little time on our hands,
so we took it over and ran it in Le Mans.
Oh, that's nice.
Wait a minute, Joanna.
You raced a car in Le Mans?
- Yeah, with a friend.
- How did you do?
Kirk, when someone's raced a car
at Le Mans, you don't ask how they did.
I mean, what matters
is they raced a car at Le Mans.
- And won.
- Wow!
I think you've struck a chord with Dick.
Well, ll love racing. You know, it's
an incredible blend of man and machine.
I can't think of anything more exciting.
How about watching the sun coming up
over Mount Kilimanjaro?
Oh, yeah.
He's amazing, isn't he?
Blake, you sound to me
like you've traveled some.
George, Blake's been around the world.
- How many times?
- I don't know.
- Ten?
- Or 20.
And I still can't believe the things he does.
If there's a mountain, he climbs it.
If there's an ocean, he swims it.
If there's an evening, he ruins it.
And what's more amazing
is that he always succeeds
at everything he does.
As long as I have known Blake,
he's always won
at everything he's ever tried.
Well, I guess there's only one thing
in my life
that I have wanted and haven't won.
What's that?
This lady right here.
- Oh, Blake.
- No, Leslie, it's true.
That's why I'm here.
- What do you mean?
- Yeah, what do you mean?
Leslie, I came back to ask you
to marry me.
And I don't care how long it takes,
I'm not leaving until you say yes.
I'm sorry, I was eating. What did you say?
What do you say?
Blake, I'm not ready to be married.
- Do you love me?
- You know how I feel about you.
But what about my education?
What about the Olympics?
Leslie, what about them?
When you study, I'll be there
right beside you turning the pages.
When you're skiing,
I'll be the one holding the stopwatch.
Leslie, I don't want to interfere
with your life, I want to champion it.
You know, this would mean
you'd have to come here to live.
I mean, it's not Tibet or Khartoum.
It's just plain old Vermont.
Not that Vermont can't be fun.
What do you say?
Dick, do you need anything?
No, that's all right, I just...
l came down to get something,
but, you know, I can get it in the morning.
- What were you going to get?
- A book to read tonight.
Well, don't worry about us.
No, that's all right, I should be in bed.
I have that walk tomorrow.
Dick, don't be silly, get the book.
Well, it'll only take a second.
I'll grab the first book I see.
- Kirk.
- Hi, Dick.
How did you get in here?
What's the difference how I got in here?
The point is I'm losing Leslie.
I don't think you ever had Leslie.
You don't have to actually have someone
to lose them.
Did Rex Harrison have Audrey Hepburn?
Did Humphrey Bogart
have Ingrid Bergman?
Go home, Kirk. It's late.
Go home to what?
To a crummy little café with
a cheap souvenir shop and Formica tables?
That's all my life is now without Leslie.
That's all it was before.
You're a real fountain of sympathy, Dick.
I'm sorry, Kirk.
I know you're feeling bad, but it's...
I mean, it's not like
you're losing her to some jerk.
I mean, you're losing her to a great guy,
probably the greatest guy
I've ever met in my life.
What do I do, Dick?
I mean, you must know
what it's like to lose,
a guy like you.
Well, there was one time, I was in college.
We worked on
this radical student newspaper.
Wait a minute.
You, Mr. Penny Loafer,
worked on a radical newspaper?
I was the editor.
Forgive me, Dick, it's hard to picture you
as an angry young man.
Actually, I was more like
a cranky young man.
Anyway, I was dating our food critic.
You had a food critic
on your radical newspaper?
Well, remember, this was the '50s.
There wasn't all that much to criticize.
Food and 3-D glasses were about it.
Get on with it, Dick.
Well, I was really crazy about this girl,
you know.
I mean, she was everything I ever wanted,
and then she started dating
our faculty adviser.
I'm glad.
Well, I knew I couldn't compete, you know.
He was older, wiser, more experienced.
But, I mean,
that didn't mean I stopped fighting.
You know, I wanted her,
and ll wanted to let her know it.
Did you get her?
No. But...
I mean, to this day I feel better
about myself knowing that I tried.
I feel better knowing that
and that that wiser, older,
more experienced professor is now
a 75-year-old geezer.
That's a great story, Dick.
Are you saying I should go after Leslie?
What I'm saying is that if you
really want Leslie, then let her know it.
I mean, what's the worst thing
she can say?
Guess what? We're engaged.
I guess he can't wait to tell everyone.
- Morning, everybody.
- Morning, honey.
Hi.
-1 love her.
- I guess.
Okay, I'm ready.
- Me, too.
- That's right, today is your walk.
Yeah.
Yeah, we have a nice day for it, too.
It stopped snowing,
the thermometer's shot up to 10.
This is going to be good for both of us.
It's gonna put color in our cheeks.
It's gonna make us feel better.
We're gonna love it.
You're right.
All right, let's get it over with.
I can't believe
I woke up this morning engaged.
Neither can I.
Let's talk about what kind of wedding
we're gonna have.
I had a thought about that.
Now it's all assuming you agree, of course,
but picture this.
You and I, and a party of, say, 700,
are married at dusk in the shadow
of the great Pyramid of Cheops.
- You're joking.
- No, I'm seriously thinking about it.
- Blake, come on.
- Honey, this is our wedding.
Don't you want to make it
a day to remember?
I think I'm gonna remember our wedding,
no matter where it happens.
But it ties in so great
with the honeymoon.
What's the honeymoon?
All right, now it's just a thought,
but we take a cruise.
I like that.
In a reed boat across the Atlantic,
you, me and Thor Heyerdahl.
- Blake!
- What?
It's great.
Nobody has ever done that before.
Not even Thor Heyerdahl.
Blake, what's the matter with you?
Why can't our just getting married
be enough?
What's wrong with making it
a little exciting?
I mean, what do you want, honey?
Family and friends
in some rinky-dink chapel,
followed by a week in Niagara Falls?
I think that sounds charming.
Niagara Falls? I go there to be bored.
- You'll never change, will you?
- What are you talking about?
Why do you want to marry me?
Why do I want to marry you?
I want to marry you because... Because...
Because I've always been something
you couldn't have.
And now that I've agreed, you're looking
for something else you can't have.
- All I'm looking for is a little adventure.
- You're looking for things that will kill us.
Gee, Leslie,
I was all pumped up about this.
Now what do we do?
I'll tell you what ll think we should do.
I think that you should go to Egypt
and check out the pyramids,
and I'll stay here and finish school.
And maybe in a few years,
we'll get together again.
Let me see if I understand this.
You're dumping me.
Yeah.
- Now I want you even more.
- Blake.
Leslie, what did you expect?
That I would walk out that door
and forget about you?
If I have to, I'll come back here
and win you all over again.
In fact, that sounds even better.
That's what I'll do.
I'll come back and win you again!
Oh, God, this is gonna be great.
Well, I understand congratulations
are in order.
- They were last night.
- Congratulations.
- They're not this morning.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
No, that's okay. We're still friends.
Then congratulations.
Thanks, George.
- Back already?
- Ten degrees is a lot colder than it looks.
How far did you get?
- How far is the end of the driveway?
- I'd say 80 feet.
Then we went 40.
Well, the main thing is we did get out.
Yeah, if we keep this up, in a week or two
we should be able to get our mail.
Have you two heard
about Blake and Leslie?
- Yes, isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I guess it is.
Blake and I aren't getting married after all.
- What?
- Oh, no, that's terrible.
See, that's what I thought.
We both thought it over this morning,
and we decided that it would be better
if we just waited a little longer.
Or maybe a lot longer.
- Leslie, I'm so sorry.
- No, it's fine, really.
Look, I know this has
gotta be rough, Leslie,
so, you know, if you want to be alone
or take the rest of the day off...
It's okay, Dick.
I mean, breaking up was my idea.
I think I'll feel better
if I could just keep on working.
- I'll start breakfast.
- I'll help you.
If you love something, let it go.
If it was meant to be,
it'll come back to you.
Thank you, George.
Makes me feel a lot better.
I read that on a tree.
Well, I did it.
- Did what?
- Got engaged to a woman I don't love.
- What are you talking about, Kirk?
-1 took your advice, I got even.
- Never said get even.
- Well, whatever you said.
I went out last night and started proposing
until I found a woman
who would marry me.
What kind of woman would marry
a stranger off the street?
Not tops.
Leslie broke her engagement with Blake.
Can I use your phone?
Sure.
Hello, Dora. This is Sparky.
Listen, I know it's early, but I wanted to
catch you before your truck pulled out.
Well, I can certainly understand
you feeling that way,
and if I'm ever really down on myself,
who knows, maybe I'll give that a try.
No, you take care.
Well, Dick, lead me to Leslie.
I'm ready to pledge my troth.
-1 think she wants to be alone, Kirk.
- Right.
You know what ll think I'll do?
I'll go into town,
I'll order some flowers and have them
delivered with a little card that says,
"Whatever happened,
you've still got a friend.”
- That would be classy.
- Thanks.
If you want to split this,
I could have it say "friends."”
No.