Newhart (1982–1990): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Senator's Wife Was Indiscreet - full transcript

Hey, Dick, look alive.

Il thought ll was.

Oh, I mean, we have a guest.

Say hello to Mrs. Dannon.

- Hi there.
- Hello.

She doesn't have a reservation, but I told
her we don't have any guests anyway.

We've only been open a few weeks.

Seems longer.
That's because the place is usually empty.

I know this is really short notice
but I'll take whatever you have available.

- Fine.
- As long as it's your best room.

Right.



Honey, I would like you to meet
Mrs. Dannon. This is my wife Joanna.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I just gave her our room.

- You're kidding.
- Yes.

George, why don't you take Mrs. Dannon's
bags up to Room 5?

- How much do I owe you?
- Let me think now.

Driving over to get you
and then you were late,

and making a couple of stops for you
on the way back

and pretty much blowing
the whole morning,

$2.

- Thank you.
- I don't have change for a 10.

Well, that's your tip.

Well, in that case,
you can skip the $2.

George...



I understand Leslie Vanderkellen
works here.

Do you know Leslie?

My husband and I have been friends
of her family for years.

She's been like a daughter to us.

Maggie Dannon?

- Is that her?
- Yes.

Leslie!

It's so good to see you.
I haven't seen you in years.

I'd have known you anywhere.

You look great. What are you doing here?

Just a little holiday.
You know how hectic Washington is.

- Where's David?
- In Washington.

Maggie's husband is Senator Dannon.

Senator David Dannon? Really?
lam a big fan of his.

I think you're married to one of the most

distinguished and charismatic
men in America.

Looks like you two have a lot in common.

Anyway, I needed a break from
all the state dinners and cocktail parties,

so when your parents told me you worked
at the Stratford Inn,

I just grabbed the first plane out.

Actually, it was two planes
and a train and a bus.

I guess we're a little hard to get to
from Washington.

But we're glad you made the effort.

I just wish David could have
gotten away, too.

I dug out some pictures I thought
you'd like to see.

Here's a picture of you on a horsy-back
ride when you were two years old.

Isn't that cute?

- Who's the guy on his hands and knees?
- Prince Philip.

I didn't really know him, I just rode him.

Look, this is David.

He was taking me on a tour
of the White House.

What an incredible life it must be there.

Where?

Washington.

Great state, majestic forests,
delicious apples.

Not the state, the capital.

Olympia, where they make the beer,
one of my favorite cities.

Washington, D.C.

Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument,
sailing on the Potomac.

Who is this man?

Kirk Devane, next-door neighbor
and beloved friend.

This is Maggie Dannon.
Her husband is Senator David Dannon.

I voted for him.

Senator Dannon doesn't
represent Vermont.

I wrote him in, I thought he could handle
more than one state.

Nice picture. Who's the stiff in the tux?

Senator Dannon.

Nice shoes.

You and the senator certainly do make
a handsome couple.

If you'll excuse me,
I think I'd better go to my room.

{CRYING) I'm sorry.

Oh.

LESLIE: Maggie, what's wrong?

Listen, it's all right, it's all right.

Dick...

Really, it's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay.

Hmm?

Um...

{(STAMMERING) You know, take it easy.

Thank you.

Maggie, whatever it is, you can tell us.

It's okay, Leslie, this is my specialty.

Now, what's biting you?

-1 walked out on my husband this morning.
- And?

-1 think that's it, Kirk.
- Right.

You left David? Maggie, why?

Because I'm no longer a part of his life.

As far as he's concerned,
I'm just a useless appendage, invisible.

- You don't really believe that.
- Don't I?

I left him a note this morning, telling him
where I'd gone and not to follow me

because I never want to see him again.

I'm just praying to God when he finds it,
he comes and gets me.

He's probably on his way right now.

It's gonna be fine.
Don't worry about anything.

Right.

He's wonderful.

- Maggie? May I call you Maggie?
- Yes.

- May I call you Maggs?
- No.

If there's anything you need,
I'm just a phone call away.

If you need a hand to hold
or a shoulder to cry on,

a warm body to cling to.

By the way, Leslie, this doesn't mess up
anything between you and me.

What are you doing?

They asked me to write
a description of the inn

for the travel guide to New England.

Terrific.

Now, this is just the first draft,
but see what you think.

Okay.

"Nestled in a grove of majestic maples,

"just a stone's throw from the ivy-covered
halls of Dartmouth University

“lies the authentic colonial comfort
of the Stratford Inn.

"Your jolly and congenial hosts are
well-known author, Dick Loudon,

"and his wife Joanna."

"And his wife Joanna"?

What's wrong with that?

Sounds like "and his dog Spot.”

How about "well-known author
Dick Loudon and his jolly wife Joanna"?

How about "his ticked-off wife Joanna"?

George, what are you doing?

I'm gonna set up these chairs
in the dining room.

What for?

For the press conference.

What press conference?

The one Mrs. Dannon is having
in the dining room.

Maggie, are you sure you want to do this?

It's not whatl want to do, Leslie.
It's what ll have to do.

What's going on here?

Maggie is holding a press conference.

I don't understand.

Well, if my note didn't do any good,
maybe he'll notice I'm gone

when I announce our divorce
on the 6:00 news.

Divorce?

I tried to talk to her,
but her mind's made up.

Leslie, would you please see about
the hors d'oeuvres?

Maggie, divorce is so final.

Joanna, this really isn't
any concern of ours.

At least consider a trial separation.

That way you'd have some time
to work things out.

This really isn't any of our business.

Or try a marriage counselor.
We had some friends in New York and...

- Joanna?
- What, Dick?

Could I talk to you for a minute?

Excuse me.

- What?
- What are you doing?

I'm just expressing a little compassion
for a fellow human being, that's all.

Well, stop it.

Excuse me, is this the press conference
for Maggie Dannon?

Yes, hello, you must be a reporter.

I'm Maggie Dannon.
Let me get you a glass of champagne.

- Hi, I'm John Fergus.
- I'm Dick Loudon. This my wife Joanna.

Hello.

You're the people that bought the inn.

I've been meaning to write an article
about you for the Home Section.

Really?

Yes, can you tell me a little
about the place?

Well...

(CLEARS THROAT) It's...

"It's nestled in a grove of majestic maples,

"just a stone's throw from..."

Looks like you're the first to arrive.

I guess the others will be here shortly.

- Who would that be?
- The other reporters.

I think I'm it.

What do you mean?

I called the television
and radio station, too.

No, what you called is
the television and radio shop,

which I also run when I'm not being
the only local reporter.

This isn't a little small-town humor, is it?

I don't think it is.

I don't know why I thought
there would be more press here.

1 think, for that, you'd need the senator.

(SIGHS)

Isn't that the story of my life?

Did I say something wrong?

No, I think she's just
a little upset right now.

Maybe this isn't a good time.

I've got a feeling you're right.

Besides, that's what I hate about
the newspaper business,

writing about people's personal problems.

Thanks for understanding.

Sure. Well, I've got TVs to fix anyway.

He doesn't notice me when I'm there.
He doesn't notice me when I'm not there.

Maggie, you know he cares about you.

Listen, why don't we go for a walk
and talk about it?

It'll make you feel better.

I've run out of ways to get through to him.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

- That poor woman.
-1 know.

Dick, you have got to call her husband.

You want me to call
a United States senator?

I mean, he's possibly one of the most
powerful men in the country.

I mean, I probably couldn't reach him
anyway, and even if I could,

I'm not going to interrupt him and
tell him about some marital problem.

I'm sorry, Joanna, just forget it.

As long as you're gonna look like that...

Yes, hello, I'm trying to get in touch
with Senator Dannon.

Yeah, my name is Dick Loudon
and I'm calling... Dick Loudon.

And I'm calling from the Stratford Inn
in Vermont.

Well, I'm aware that the senator doesn't
represent Vermont.

Would you just tell him it's about his wife
and it's very important?

Thank you.

I'm on hold.

Il mean, I told you this wasn't gonna work.
He's probably in a meeting...

Yes, sir, Senator Dannon.

I hope I'm not interrupting
anything important.

I am.

Well, then, let me get right to the point.

Yes, I'll hold.

He really sounds busy.
I can hear phones ringing, people moving...

Yes, sir, still here.

I run the Stratford Inn in Vermont
and I'm calling about your wife.

Maggie Dannon, that's right.

Well, sir, I don't know if ll should be
the one to tell you this,

but it looks like your wife has left you.

No, I won't hold.

I'm on hold.

(SIGHS)

Hello?

No, I can't put her on the phone.
She's out walking.

Well, I think what you should do is
get up here as soon as possible

and straighten this thing out.

Fine.

We'll see you then.

Vermont, that's right.

When's he coming?

Day after tomorrow.

Well, I'm proud of you anyway.

That was a strong and courageous thing
for you to do.

You made me do it.

I want to apologize to both of you
for my behavior a few minutes ago.

- I'm feeling much better now.
-1 think the fresh air did some good.

We've got some great news for you.

Dick called your husband,
and he's coming up.

- When?
- Day after tomorrow.

Oh.

Well, I'm glad he could fit me
into his schedule.

Well, it really wasn't anything like that.
He sounded really busy.

Whether he was or not, it doesn't matter
because I'm not going to see him anyway.

I really want to thank you
for getting me involved in this.

Who'd like more coffee?

-1 would.
- I'll have some.

I'll get dessert.

Guess tomorrow's the big day, huh?

The day after tomorrow, George.

Ah.

I still don't know about David
coming up here.

Maggie, we've talked about this.
It's gonna be fine.

Oh, sure. Men can be cruel and callous
and totally indifferent.

Then when you call them on it,
they think a simple hug

and "How are you?" is all we need
to have everything back to normal.

-1 know.
-1 hate that about men.

Me, too.

Well, not to change the subject.
What did you girls do today?

We didn't do anything. I cried all day.

I cried at the antique shop,
I cried at the covered bridge.

I cried over coffee at the bakery.
I ruined everything, didn't I?

No, not at all. I enjoyed it.

Well, not to change the subject.
The meal was delicious.

- Yes, it was.
- Thank you.

Wasn't it great? They call it meatloaf.

I'll have to remember that name.

The best way to do that is, instead of
a loaf of bread, think of a loaf of meat.

It's so quiet here. So tranquil.

Nothing but the wind in the trees.

That's really all there is.
The wind and the trees.

Do any cars ever go by?

It's really very peaceful, though.

If you were sick and screaming,
could anyone hear you?

Well, it wouldn't matter.
There are no hospitals around here.

Vermont must be quite a change
from Washington.

(SIGHING CONTENTEDLY)

Yes, we do have wonderful parties,
the best food, the finest wines.

I love everything about it.
Except David, of course.

- You don't mean that.
-1 know.

So, tomorrow's the big day, huh?

The day after tomorrow.

Ah.

He does have a tendency
to sweep me off my feet.

Who's that?

Her husband.

Ah.

He can talk me into anything.

I guess that's what scares me
about facing him.

- If there's anything we can do to help...
-1 don't think there is.

If you could both be in the room with me...

Don't you see? David is so strong.

With you two there, maybe I would finally
have the courage to stand up to him,

strip him bare, emotionally.

You know, like they do
in those encounter groups

where they just end up
with two naked souls,

trembling and in tears?

Well, we'll be happy to be there.
Won't we, Dick?

Giddy.

Well, one way or another,
I guess we'll know tomorrow.

"...well-known author, Dick Loudon,

"and his voluptuous wife, Joanna."

Well, today's the day.

Dick. Honey.

Do you think I'm overdressed?

If you're getting married, no.

When a member of the Senate pays a visit,

I don't think there's anything wrong
with dressing for the occasion.

Well, look at Leslie.
She isn't dressed to impress anybody.

Thanks, Dick.

No, I mean,
you're just dressing appropriately.

Well, I think I'm dressed appropriately.

I mean, he is an elected
government official.

There are some people who still respect
the office and dress accordingly.

Okay, I'll go change.

How's my Maggie doing?

She's nervous.
We're trying to leave her alone.

We think the fewer people around,
the better.

I hear you.

Hello, everyone. How do I look?

- Like a vision.
- Fabulous.

Fine.

He always knows just what to say.

Now, when David comes,
should I be upstairs or downstairs?

- Wherever you feel most comfortable.
- Right.

Upstairs. I'll make an entrance.
You call me when he comes.

I think he's coming.

David!

Leslie! Is that you? I can't believe it.
You're all grown up.

It's good to see you.

I just wish it could have been
under better circumstances.

Where's Maggie?

Maggie?

Oh, hi!

- It's good to see you.
- It's nice of you to drop by.

I've been worried about you
ever since you left Sunday.

- Saturday.
- Whenever you left.

I've hardly been able
to think about anything else

since someone called
and told me you were gone.

- That was me.
- Was it? Great, thanks.

Hello.

Oh, David.
I want you to meet some people

that I've grown to love
over the past few days.

Dick and Joanna.

- Dick and Joanna.
- Wonderful.

Nice to meet you, Senator.

- And Kirk.
- Wonderful.

Senator, if you want to be alone,
you're welcome to use my study.

Oh, no, I want both of you in there.

If you don't want a crowd,
you know, we understand.

- I want whatever Maggie wants.
- I want both of you in there.

Do you want me in there?

No.

Well, into the lion's den, so to speak.

Hope everything works out for them.

I mean, I've known them for so long,
they're kind of like second parents to me.

I know what you mean.
I feel the same way about my folks.

Maggie, come back to me.

Okay.

Fine. Anybody want coffee?

Wait a minute!
I thought you two were going to talk.

They talked. It's settled. Let's go.

No. There were things Maggie wanted
to say to him.

That's right, there were. What were they?

- Well, that you were feeling ignored.
- Oh, right. I was.

- Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you.
- I know you didn't.

It wasn't only that.

You also said that you felt
that he was insensitive and self-centered.

- Did 1?
- Did you?

Well, maybe I did.

Well, if ll was, I'm sorry.

I know you are.

Who takes cream and sugar?

- I wasn't too insensitive though.
- Who said too insensitive?

And there was more. Dick, help me here.

Joanna, you know how
uncomfortable I feel about doing this.

No, Dickie, if there's something
you remember, I'd really like to hear it.

Well, she did mention something
about being a useless appendage.

Uh-huh.

And she mentioned something about

not being able to get your attention.

I see.

Oh, and...

She mentioned something
about feeling invisible.

-1 think I get the point, Dick.
- Okay.

Maggie, if I've neglected you,

if I haven't paid you enough attention,
I apologize with all my heart.

Oh, David.

I knew when I married you that politics
was the most important thing in your life.

I guess all I really want to know is
that I'm number two.

Oh, Maggie.

Of course you're number two.

You've always been number two.

And you always will be.

Now go pack your bags.

I'll be ready in a minute.
I just want to say goodbye to...

- George and Leslie.
- Right. George and Leslie.

- I'll keep the car running out front.
- Okay.

What can ll say? Am I a lucky guy?

Damn lucky.

Senators, innkeepers.

We've all got the same problems,
don't we?

Hey, we're people. People helping people.

That's what this country is all about.

Oh.

Thank you. Goodbye.

You know, Dick,
he may have a lot of faults,

and ll know he may not be
the most sensitive man I've ever met,

but I really had the feeling at the end there
that he was being sincere.

I'm sure he was.

He slipped me 10 bucks.