Married with Children (1986–1997): Season 2, Episode 21 - Father Lode - full transcript
After going with Steve to the racetrack, Al is reluctant to reveal that he won $1,200, because he knows that Peggy and the kids will take the money for themselves. While Al tries to throw off Peggy's suspicions with sex, Steve ask...
* Love and marriage *
* Love and marriage *
* Go together like *
* A horse and carriage *
* This I tell ya, brother *
* You can't have one *
* Without the other *
* Love and marriage *
* Love and marriage *
* It's an institute *
* You can't disparage *
* Ask the local gentry *
* And they will say
It's elementary *
* Try, try, try
To separate them *
* It's an illusion *
* Try, try, try
And you will only come *
* To this conclusion *
* Love and marriage **
Okay, Kelly,
how much do you need?
Oh, I don't know.
How much does it take
to start a new life?
More than your father
has in his wallet.
Let's see. Here's $5.00.
Bud?
Well, going by the old
"double for virgins" rule,
I get 10.
Mom,
if you let him get away
with that,
when he's 65, he'll be expecting
two gold watches.
Well, let's not bleed Daddy dry.
Here's $5.00 for you...
And 20 for me.
AL: Hey, Peg!
Have you seen
my wallet?
Gee, uh, I don't know.
What does it look like?
Old, wrinkled,
and empty,
like my life.
Well, don't worry, honey.
I'm sure it's down here
in your jacket pocket.
Bud, go put this
in Daddy's jacket pocket, okay?
Hey, Peg.
Are you showing the kids
what you do all day long?
Morning, Al.
Morning, Daddy.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ah! Here it is.
Jeez, where does it all go?
Gee, why are you asking me?
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
You know, Al, you just don't
know how to manage your money.
I wish you'd give me
your paycheck.
and let me manage the money.
Yeah, right.
So you can rob me blind,
huh, Peg?
Uh-uh.
At least this way I know
exactly what I've got here.
I've got nothing here, Peg.
Well, don't worry, Al.
I didn't marry you
for your money.
I'm not really sure why I did,
but I know it wasn't money.
Well, it must have been
that old family tradition:
find a man, kill his dreams,
and move on.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Good morning, Al.
Ah, isn't it great to be alive?
Let me just
stand aside
and give you
a better view
of the little woman.
Hey, Peg, listen.
I know you were planning
to fix me
some nice nothing
for supper,
but you're better freeze it,
because Steve and I are going
to the track tonight.
That really hurts, Al.
You know, I purposely
didn't ask you
for any money today,
and now you're going
to go blow it at the track.
That's where
all your money goes, you know.
No, I don't think so, Peg.
See, I've never woken up
in the middle of the night
to find a quarter horse
going through my wallet.
Gee, Al, if you don't have
enough money for the track--
Aw, heck, we're buddies.
I guess I can find someone else
to go with me.
Ah, thanks, Steve,
but I've got enough
for a couple of bets,
and hell, there's always
that fountain at the mall
people throw pennies in.
I can go dredging
on my lunch hour.
Great. Let's go.
I'll drive you to work
and pick you up.
We'll leave from there.
Oh, Steve, uh,
if you're going to the track,
be sure to bet whatever Al bets,
because as you can see,
he's a winner.
Take it easy, Al. It happens.
It doesn't happen
to me.
It's never, never
happened to me.
Wha-- What
am I going to do?
How am I going to tell Peg?
Look, you just have to be brave.
Just come right out
and tell her,
"Peg, I won $1250."
Steve...
It's the first time
in my life
I've won a trifecta.
I've got $1,200 in my pocket.
Do you know what would happen
if I told Peg?
Steve, meet Peg.
Peg, I've got money.
[TURNS VACUUM ON]
Well, I know what I'm going
to do with the 50 bucks I won:
share it with Marcy.
Wow, Hondo.
You are much man.
Hey, I'm not ashamed to say
that it gives me great pleasure
to share with my wife.
What I am ashamed to say is
that's a total lie.
But she scares me to death, Al.
Well, I want to enjoy my money,
Steve,
so I'm going to hide my money
until I can decide
what I'm going to do with it,
and you're going to do
the same thing.
Oh, why would I do that?
Because you have to.
If Marcy finds out
that you won money,
she's going to know I won money,
and then Peg here will know.
Al, what you're asking me to do
goes against everything
I believe in.
You're asking me
to lie to my wife,
to deceive her,
and I'm afraid
I just can't do that...
For less than 50 bucks.
You're a real weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie with $50.
Now, I've got to hide this
somewhere Peg would never look.
Ah, there's enough
down there already.
Dirty laundry.
She'll never look here.
$2.00 left?
What a loser.
What are you
doing, Peg?
Uh, nothing.
I was just a little chilly.
Mind if I wear your shirt?
Yes!
But Al, I'm cold.
Well, then,
put on your robe.
Well, I can't sleep
in my robe,
and if I turn on the heat,
then your feet start to fester,
and the dog starts barking,
the kids wake up.
It's just not worth it.
I'm going to wear your shirt.
But I don't like it
when you wear my shirt.
Isn't there any other way
you can keep warm?
Oh, no!
It's either you or the shirt.
Darling!
Oh, ho, ho!
Gee, three days
in a row.
I must be looking
pretty good lately.
Yeah, you're the best, baby.
Oh, Al.
You know you love it.
Come on. Admit it.
You and your excuses...
Like that first night,
I was cold,
and you wouldn't
let me use your shirt.
The next night,
you wouldn't let me near
the spare blanket,
and the third night,
I was halfway
to the hot water bottle
when you tackled me
and pinned me to the floor.
What do I have to go for
tonight, tiger,
your hat?
Oh, by the way, Al,
this morning,
I was going through your wallet
looking for--
By accident,
and I just happened to notice
that you haven't cashed
your paycheck.
Why?
Why, I just haven't had time.
See you around.
Bye, sweetie.
Kids! Family meeting!
What's up, Mom?
Kids, I suspect
your father has money.
And his paycheck
was dated three days ago,
and he hasn't cashed it yet.
Mm.
Mm.
So Daddy has money.
You know,
it all makes sense now.
Did you notice that last night
he wasn't studying road maps
and fondling his car keys
like usual?
Yeah, and I watched him shave
this morning.
You know, he didn't pause at all
near the jugular.
No kidding?
Well, he's obviously
got more than I thought.
Okay, kids, we are going
to tear this place apart.
Kelly, you take upstairs.
Bud, you go down
into the basement,
and I'll look around down here.
Aw, Mom,
I got stuck with the basement
when his tax refund came in.
Now, don't whine.
There is a 10% finder's fee,
and then we split.
20-20-60.
Now, let's go.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
What's wrong with Al?
I was out on the street
picking up my newspaper
when he pulled out.
He didn't aim his car at me
and gun it.
Oh, boy! He must
have a fortune!
Come on. Help me search.
Al's got money.
So what?
So it's mine,
and he's not giving it to me.
Well, that's kind of cruel,
not sharing with your wife.
Oh, who's talking
about sharing?
I want it all.
Not because I'm greedy,
you understand.
Whoo, two bits.
You see,
it's good for our marriage.
If Al has money,
then he doesn't come home.
Will he take a check?
Because I know
the rest of the block
will kick in.
Yes, I know it sounds good
on the surface,
but the problem is
he doesn't just go away.
He goes away and has fun.
You see, Marcy,
my mother taught me two things:
never feed a man
when you can
feed yourself twice,
and if you're going to rot
on a couch in hell,
the least your husband can do
is to burn right beside you.
Well, love touches us all
in different ways, I suppose.
But early on,
Steve and I decided
to share everything
and keep no secrets
from each other.
Huh. Well, I would keep
a good eye on him, Marce,
because God only knows
what ideas Al put in his head
when they went
to the track.
Steve went to the track?
You know,
I thought it was kind of odd
that Al went with him
to the library.
Steve has money too.
No, I won't believe it.
He would never keep
something like that from me.
And I'm so sure of it
that I'm going to tear my home
apart piece by piece.
You'll see. I won't find
so much as a dollar.
And if I do,
I'll take his pride and joy
and superglue it
to a ferris wheel.
So did you find anything?
Uh... Aw,
I'm a little tired.
I'm going to go upstairs
and study.
Hi there, shoe man.
I was in last week,
and I can't stop thinking
about you.
Remember me?
Nightly.
I mean, vaguely.
Can I help you?
I don't know how else to say it.
I want you!
Oh, that's so nice.
But I'm married.
Perfect. That means
you're already broken in.
Al.
Al?
What do you want?
Can't you see I'm busy?
Look, Al, I--
I have to talk to you.
I'm really feeling guilty
about hiding that money
from Marcy,
so could you do me a favor
and spend yours
so I can share mine?
I can't stand the way she looks
at me, with such trust.
You sure?
A lot of guys mistake trust
for that
just-keep-the-checks-coming-in-
or-you're-out-of-here look.
They're very similar, you know.
Al, what's the big deal?
Just buy something.
It's not as easy
as that, Steve.
When you were a kid,
didn't you ever find money
in the street,
and you were so excited,
you couldn't figure out
what to do with it?
No, Al.
I gave it to Bunny Zackmeyer
so I could look up her dress.
I'm talking about
when you were a kid, Steve.
Look, could you just give me
a couple of more days?
In the name of friendship.
Huh, buddy?
Okay, in the name
of friendship,
which, at today's rates,
is another 50 bucks.
You're a weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie
with a hundred bucks.
Oh, by the way, Al,
you want a ride home?
No, I got my car.
Yeah, I saw it in the lot,
but it might be tough to drive
with all that broken glass
on your seat.
Don't worry.
It wasn't vandalism.
They stole your radio.
Great!
Well, that's actually
what I was thinking,
but it's not something
you say to a friend.
No, Steve.
Now I know what to buy,
a new car stereo.
It's perfect.
See, now I can buy something
for one of my favorite
places in the world,
my car.
Because when I'm in my car,
I don't have any wife or kids.
I'm alone. I'm whole.
I'm with the one I love.
And Peggy never drives my car,
so she'll never know.
Tee hee.
I get to spend all my money
on me. Oh, man!
I'll have it installed tomorrow.
Come on, let's go buy it now.
But it's a half-hour
till closing.
Ah, the place is a graveyard.
No one comes in here.
Just give me
a couple of minutes.
I'll turn off the lights
in the storeroom.
Ew.
I'm sorry, miss,
but the place is closed.
Gee, that's funny.
Most stores don't close
until I'm in the dressing room.
Oh, well.
Mm-mm-mm.
Ready to go, buddy?
You bet.
I told you
nobody comes in this late.
PEGGY: Al, what
are you doing down there?
I'm watching Ted Koppel.
Go to sleep.
I'm cold.
Wear my shirt.
Go to sleep.
KELLY: Mom, Dad,
will you two be quiet?
You woke me up!
* I heard it
Through the grapevine *
* Not much longer
Would you be mine *
Click.
* To all the girls
I've loved-- *
Click.
* Big wheels
Keep on turnin' *
* Proud Mary
Keep on burnin' *
* Rollin', rollin' *
* Rollin', rollin' *
* Rollin' down the river *
* Rollin' down the river *
[THUMP]
PEGGY: Al!
Al, did I just hear Ted Koppel
singing "Proud Mary"?
Yeah. It's sweeps month.
So what do you want, Peg?
Oh, I thought
I'd come down
so we could cuddle.
We haven't done that
for a long time.
Oh, Peg, just once,
couldn't we do something I like?
I don't want
to dig in my ear
and grin like an idiot.
I want to cuddle.
No.
Well, fine.
But I'm staying
down here anyway.
Where are you going?
To the closet. I'm cold.
I just wanted
to throw something over me.
No, don't go in there!
Well, why?
You've got me.
Wait a minute.
Uh...
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Ah, let's go upstairs
and, uh...
Cuddle.
Aw. It's like
before we were married.
Let's get it
over with.
Just like before
we were married.
Oh, by the way, Al,
I had to take my car in
to the mechanic.
He's going to need it
for a couple of weeks.
So I'll have to use
your car.
So you want to sell
your car stereo
after just one day.
I don't want to sell it.
I have to.
Peg's going to be
driving my car for two weeks.
That means two weeks
of hiding my stereo.
Do you know what I have to do
to hide my stereo, Steve?
Vile, unspeakable acts
no man should have to do.
[PEGGY HUMS HAPPILY]
Yes, that.
Now, do you have the cash
or don't you?
Here you go.
There's only $1000 here.
Well, I think that's generous.
After all,
the equipment is used.
PEGGY: * La-da, ah ah ah ah *
And it seems to be
a buyer's market.
You're a real weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie with a stereo
and $150 stashed away
that Marcy knows nothing about.
So what are you going
to do with the money, Al?
What I always knew
I would.
[MAKING FLAPPING SOUND]
Al, I heard a strange sound.
What was it?
Family, I have
an announcement.
I have money.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I'm getting
a new skateboard
and a leather jacket.
Well, I'm going to get
a CD player
and a suede skirt
and some new boots.
Oh, and I'm going
to spend till I drop!
Wait a second,
wait a second.
Think we should
get Dad something?
Well, gee,
I'd love to,
but I don't think
we have enough money.
Well, what can I say?
You, my friend, are a loser,
whereas
I am your consummate winner.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
MARCY: Steve, get out here
and explain
this $150 I found hidden!
Ah, let me
handle this, buddy.
Marcy, now, let me explain.
Now, Steve wasn't hiding
anything from you.
He was doing me a favor.
He was hiding my $150...
Because he would never
hide anything from you.
Right, Steve?
Right.
[***]
* Love and marriage *
* Go together like *
* A horse and carriage *
* This I tell ya, brother *
* You can't have one *
* Without the other *
* Love and marriage *
* Love and marriage *
* It's an institute *
* You can't disparage *
* Ask the local gentry *
* And they will say
It's elementary *
* Try, try, try
To separate them *
* It's an illusion *
* Try, try, try
And you will only come *
* To this conclusion *
* Love and marriage **
Okay, Kelly,
how much do you need?
Oh, I don't know.
How much does it take
to start a new life?
More than your father
has in his wallet.
Let's see. Here's $5.00.
Bud?
Well, going by the old
"double for virgins" rule,
I get 10.
Mom,
if you let him get away
with that,
when he's 65, he'll be expecting
two gold watches.
Well, let's not bleed Daddy dry.
Here's $5.00 for you...
And 20 for me.
AL: Hey, Peg!
Have you seen
my wallet?
Gee, uh, I don't know.
What does it look like?
Old, wrinkled,
and empty,
like my life.
Well, don't worry, honey.
I'm sure it's down here
in your jacket pocket.
Bud, go put this
in Daddy's jacket pocket, okay?
Hey, Peg.
Are you showing the kids
what you do all day long?
Morning, Al.
Morning, Daddy.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ah! Here it is.
Jeez, where does it all go?
Gee, why are you asking me?
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
You know, Al, you just don't
know how to manage your money.
I wish you'd give me
your paycheck.
and let me manage the money.
Yeah, right.
So you can rob me blind,
huh, Peg?
Uh-uh.
At least this way I know
exactly what I've got here.
I've got nothing here, Peg.
Well, don't worry, Al.
I didn't marry you
for your money.
I'm not really sure why I did,
but I know it wasn't money.
Well, it must have been
that old family tradition:
find a man, kill his dreams,
and move on.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Good morning, Al.
Ah, isn't it great to be alive?
Let me just
stand aside
and give you
a better view
of the little woman.
Hey, Peg, listen.
I know you were planning
to fix me
some nice nothing
for supper,
but you're better freeze it,
because Steve and I are going
to the track tonight.
That really hurts, Al.
You know, I purposely
didn't ask you
for any money today,
and now you're going
to go blow it at the track.
That's where
all your money goes, you know.
No, I don't think so, Peg.
See, I've never woken up
in the middle of the night
to find a quarter horse
going through my wallet.
Gee, Al, if you don't have
enough money for the track--
Aw, heck, we're buddies.
I guess I can find someone else
to go with me.
Ah, thanks, Steve,
but I've got enough
for a couple of bets,
and hell, there's always
that fountain at the mall
people throw pennies in.
I can go dredging
on my lunch hour.
Great. Let's go.
I'll drive you to work
and pick you up.
We'll leave from there.
Oh, Steve, uh,
if you're going to the track,
be sure to bet whatever Al bets,
because as you can see,
he's a winner.
Take it easy, Al. It happens.
It doesn't happen
to me.
It's never, never
happened to me.
Wha-- What
am I going to do?
How am I going to tell Peg?
Look, you just have to be brave.
Just come right out
and tell her,
"Peg, I won $1250."
Steve...
It's the first time
in my life
I've won a trifecta.
I've got $1,200 in my pocket.
Do you know what would happen
if I told Peg?
Steve, meet Peg.
Peg, I've got money.
[TURNS VACUUM ON]
Well, I know what I'm going
to do with the 50 bucks I won:
share it with Marcy.
Wow, Hondo.
You are much man.
Hey, I'm not ashamed to say
that it gives me great pleasure
to share with my wife.
What I am ashamed to say is
that's a total lie.
But she scares me to death, Al.
Well, I want to enjoy my money,
Steve,
so I'm going to hide my money
until I can decide
what I'm going to do with it,
and you're going to do
the same thing.
Oh, why would I do that?
Because you have to.
If Marcy finds out
that you won money,
she's going to know I won money,
and then Peg here will know.
Al, what you're asking me to do
goes against everything
I believe in.
You're asking me
to lie to my wife,
to deceive her,
and I'm afraid
I just can't do that...
For less than 50 bucks.
You're a real weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie with $50.
Now, I've got to hide this
somewhere Peg would never look.
Ah, there's enough
down there already.
Dirty laundry.
She'll never look here.
$2.00 left?
What a loser.
What are you
doing, Peg?
Uh, nothing.
I was just a little chilly.
Mind if I wear your shirt?
Yes!
But Al, I'm cold.
Well, then,
put on your robe.
Well, I can't sleep
in my robe,
and if I turn on the heat,
then your feet start to fester,
and the dog starts barking,
the kids wake up.
It's just not worth it.
I'm going to wear your shirt.
But I don't like it
when you wear my shirt.
Isn't there any other way
you can keep warm?
Oh, no!
It's either you or the shirt.
Darling!
Oh, ho, ho!
Gee, three days
in a row.
I must be looking
pretty good lately.
Yeah, you're the best, baby.
Oh, Al.
You know you love it.
Come on. Admit it.
You and your excuses...
Like that first night,
I was cold,
and you wouldn't
let me use your shirt.
The next night,
you wouldn't let me near
the spare blanket,
and the third night,
I was halfway
to the hot water bottle
when you tackled me
and pinned me to the floor.
What do I have to go for
tonight, tiger,
your hat?
Oh, by the way, Al,
this morning,
I was going through your wallet
looking for--
By accident,
and I just happened to notice
that you haven't cashed
your paycheck.
Why?
Why, I just haven't had time.
See you around.
Bye, sweetie.
Kids! Family meeting!
What's up, Mom?
Kids, I suspect
your father has money.
And his paycheck
was dated three days ago,
and he hasn't cashed it yet.
Mm.
Mm.
So Daddy has money.
You know,
it all makes sense now.
Did you notice that last night
he wasn't studying road maps
and fondling his car keys
like usual?
Yeah, and I watched him shave
this morning.
You know, he didn't pause at all
near the jugular.
No kidding?
Well, he's obviously
got more than I thought.
Okay, kids, we are going
to tear this place apart.
Kelly, you take upstairs.
Bud, you go down
into the basement,
and I'll look around down here.
Aw, Mom,
I got stuck with the basement
when his tax refund came in.
Now, don't whine.
There is a 10% finder's fee,
and then we split.
20-20-60.
Now, let's go.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
What's wrong with Al?
I was out on the street
picking up my newspaper
when he pulled out.
He didn't aim his car at me
and gun it.
Oh, boy! He must
have a fortune!
Come on. Help me search.
Al's got money.
So what?
So it's mine,
and he's not giving it to me.
Well, that's kind of cruel,
not sharing with your wife.
Oh, who's talking
about sharing?
I want it all.
Not because I'm greedy,
you understand.
Whoo, two bits.
You see,
it's good for our marriage.
If Al has money,
then he doesn't come home.
Will he take a check?
Because I know
the rest of the block
will kick in.
Yes, I know it sounds good
on the surface,
but the problem is
he doesn't just go away.
He goes away and has fun.
You see, Marcy,
my mother taught me two things:
never feed a man
when you can
feed yourself twice,
and if you're going to rot
on a couch in hell,
the least your husband can do
is to burn right beside you.
Well, love touches us all
in different ways, I suppose.
But early on,
Steve and I decided
to share everything
and keep no secrets
from each other.
Huh. Well, I would keep
a good eye on him, Marce,
because God only knows
what ideas Al put in his head
when they went
to the track.
Steve went to the track?
You know,
I thought it was kind of odd
that Al went with him
to the library.
Steve has money too.
No, I won't believe it.
He would never keep
something like that from me.
And I'm so sure of it
that I'm going to tear my home
apart piece by piece.
You'll see. I won't find
so much as a dollar.
And if I do,
I'll take his pride and joy
and superglue it
to a ferris wheel.
So did you find anything?
Uh... Aw,
I'm a little tired.
I'm going to go upstairs
and study.
Hi there, shoe man.
I was in last week,
and I can't stop thinking
about you.
Remember me?
Nightly.
I mean, vaguely.
Can I help you?
I don't know how else to say it.
I want you!
Oh, that's so nice.
But I'm married.
Perfect. That means
you're already broken in.
Al.
Al?
What do you want?
Can't you see I'm busy?
Look, Al, I--
I have to talk to you.
I'm really feeling guilty
about hiding that money
from Marcy,
so could you do me a favor
and spend yours
so I can share mine?
I can't stand the way she looks
at me, with such trust.
You sure?
A lot of guys mistake trust
for that
just-keep-the-checks-coming-in-
or-you're-out-of-here look.
They're very similar, you know.
Al, what's the big deal?
Just buy something.
It's not as easy
as that, Steve.
When you were a kid,
didn't you ever find money
in the street,
and you were so excited,
you couldn't figure out
what to do with it?
No, Al.
I gave it to Bunny Zackmeyer
so I could look up her dress.
I'm talking about
when you were a kid, Steve.
Look, could you just give me
a couple of more days?
In the name of friendship.
Huh, buddy?
Okay, in the name
of friendship,
which, at today's rates,
is another 50 bucks.
You're a weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie
with a hundred bucks.
Oh, by the way, Al,
you want a ride home?
No, I got my car.
Yeah, I saw it in the lot,
but it might be tough to drive
with all that broken glass
on your seat.
Don't worry.
It wasn't vandalism.
They stole your radio.
Great!
Well, that's actually
what I was thinking,
but it's not something
you say to a friend.
No, Steve.
Now I know what to buy,
a new car stereo.
It's perfect.
See, now I can buy something
for one of my favorite
places in the world,
my car.
Because when I'm in my car,
I don't have any wife or kids.
I'm alone. I'm whole.
I'm with the one I love.
And Peggy never drives my car,
so she'll never know.
Tee hee.
I get to spend all my money
on me. Oh, man!
I'll have it installed tomorrow.
Come on, let's go buy it now.
But it's a half-hour
till closing.
Ah, the place is a graveyard.
No one comes in here.
Just give me
a couple of minutes.
I'll turn off the lights
in the storeroom.
Ew.
I'm sorry, miss,
but the place is closed.
Gee, that's funny.
Most stores don't close
until I'm in the dressing room.
Oh, well.
Mm-mm-mm.
Ready to go, buddy?
You bet.
I told you
nobody comes in this late.
PEGGY: Al, what
are you doing down there?
I'm watching Ted Koppel.
Go to sleep.
I'm cold.
Wear my shirt.
Go to sleep.
KELLY: Mom, Dad,
will you two be quiet?
You woke me up!
* I heard it
Through the grapevine *
* Not much longer
Would you be mine *
Click.
* To all the girls
I've loved-- *
Click.
* Big wheels
Keep on turnin' *
* Proud Mary
Keep on burnin' *
* Rollin', rollin' *
* Rollin', rollin' *
* Rollin' down the river *
* Rollin' down the river *
[THUMP]
PEGGY: Al!
Al, did I just hear Ted Koppel
singing "Proud Mary"?
Yeah. It's sweeps month.
So what do you want, Peg?
Oh, I thought
I'd come down
so we could cuddle.
We haven't done that
for a long time.
Oh, Peg, just once,
couldn't we do something I like?
I don't want
to dig in my ear
and grin like an idiot.
I want to cuddle.
No.
Well, fine.
But I'm staying
down here anyway.
Where are you going?
To the closet. I'm cold.
I just wanted
to throw something over me.
No, don't go in there!
Well, why?
You've got me.
Wait a minute.
Uh...
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
Ah, let's go upstairs
and, uh...
Cuddle.
Aw. It's like
before we were married.
Let's get it
over with.
Just like before
we were married.
Oh, by the way, Al,
I had to take my car in
to the mechanic.
He's going to need it
for a couple of weeks.
So I'll have to use
your car.
So you want to sell
your car stereo
after just one day.
I don't want to sell it.
I have to.
Peg's going to be
driving my car for two weeks.
That means two weeks
of hiding my stereo.
Do you know what I have to do
to hide my stereo, Steve?
Vile, unspeakable acts
no man should have to do.
[PEGGY HUMS HAPPILY]
Yes, that.
Now, do you have the cash
or don't you?
Here you go.
There's only $1000 here.
Well, I think that's generous.
After all,
the equipment is used.
PEGGY: * La-da, ah ah ah ah *
And it seems to be
a buyer's market.
You're a real weenie, Steve.
Yes, but a weenie with a stereo
and $150 stashed away
that Marcy knows nothing about.
So what are you going
to do with the money, Al?
What I always knew
I would.
[MAKING FLAPPING SOUND]
Al, I heard a strange sound.
What was it?
Family, I have
an announcement.
I have money.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I'm getting
a new skateboard
and a leather jacket.
Well, I'm going to get
a CD player
and a suede skirt
and some new boots.
Oh, and I'm going
to spend till I drop!
Wait a second,
wait a second.
Think we should
get Dad something?
Well, gee,
I'd love to,
but I don't think
we have enough money.
Well, what can I say?
You, my friend, are a loser,
whereas
I am your consummate winner.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
MARCY: Steve, get out here
and explain
this $150 I found hidden!
Ah, let me
handle this, buddy.
Marcy, now, let me explain.
Now, Steve wasn't hiding
anything from you.
He was doing me a favor.
He was hiding my $150...
Because he would never
hide anything from you.
Right, Steve?
Right.
[***]