King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 9, Episode 8 - Mutual of Omabwah - full transcript
Hank realizes he doesn't have any home-owner's insurance; Dale realizes people are willing to pay money to be stung by bees; Bill and Boomhauer discover the pleasures of a deep fryer; and Peggy and Luanne get stuck at a highway re...
Yep.
Yup.
What the...?!
Hey, man, don't...
Don't sting me!
Dale, what the heck
are you doing with bees?
Some guy
hired me to clear them
out of his attic.
I was gonna kill 'em,
but how could I?
Just look at 'em.
Aren't they adorable?
I guess they are
kind of cute.
And they're entrepreneurs.
These babies make honey.
And honey is money,
my friend.
What do you know
about beekeeping?
I know how to keep them
from crawling up my nose.
Phnyeah.
The Clones are coming,
Master Joseph.
We must reach
Jedi Council.
Oh, no, the landing bay
door is closing!
Oh, uh, use the Force
to roll under the door.
( panting, grunting )
( crash )
Easy now, fellas.
Nothing.
( sighs )
Dang it, Bobby.
You bent the track.
You fix bent stuff
all the time, though, right?
I can't fix this,
I have to get a new one.
Which means I'll have to file
an insurance claim.
Really?
So anytime you break something,
insurance gets you a new one?
Hey, if you back the car
into my bike,
we can get a new car
and a new bike.
No, Bobby, it doesn't
work that way.
Insurance
is a safety net
woven from the trust
between the policy holder
and the guarantor.
Insurance only covers accidents.
Accident.
Got ya.
( clicks tongue )
On our way to
the outlets tomorrow,
I was thinking, Luanne and
I could stop for lunch
at the Shoney's
off Exit-25.
( sighs heavily )
What, you don't
like that one?
No, it's a good Shoney's.
I'm just so frustrated
with Bobby.
He thinks insurance
is some magic fairy
who just waves her wand
and makes teenage
jack-assery disappear.
Her wand?
Huh, I always think
of insurance as a boy.
Welcome to the Gribble
Honey Bucket.
You are about to witness
how Mother Nature
turns a profit.
Gentlemen,
don your helmets.
( clanking )
( sighs )
I'm on my way.
I've struck gold.
Yummy, sticky gold.
Okay, Dad, the
ladies are finally
out of our hair.
What's first, a matinee
or putt-putt golf?
I thought we'd have a talk
about responsibility.
( deflated ):
Oh.
Now, since you were
horsing around
and broke the garage door,
you're going to have
to take care of it.
Wait, you said insurance
was taking care of it.
The claim settlement
won't just come down the chimney
like Santa Claus.
Someone has to make the calls
and file the papers.
That's me, right?
I want you to know
our policy inside and out
before you call Mitch Watson
down at the insurance agency.
Don't waste his time,
he'll hang up on you.
How much are you gonna charge
for your honey, Dale?
These people pay
five dollars for a carton
of filthy mushrooms,
so what do you think,
$100? $150?
So where do you want me?
Gone.
The ladies with their trendy
scarves and fancy coffees
won't come near this place
with you hanging around.
You're absolutely right.
Come and get your freshly
secreted honey!
Don't be put off by
Irwin Allen's The Swarm
or the tedious Peter Fonda film
Ulee's Gold.
Look, Alison, bees.
I heard Jenna Elfman on
Access Hollywood talking about
how you can cure anything
with the venom from bee stings.
Bee stings?
Yeah, bee stings?
My nutritionist says
it stimulates your body's
natural healing response.
A friend of mine used it
during childbirth
instead of an epidural.
How many stings
do I get for $150?
Uh, mm, um, well,
the going rate is, uh... 12?
That's a really
good deal.
Mm-hmm, it really is.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so, do you want
to get up on the table?
Or would you rather
have me shake it up
and dump some out on you?
I'm still hungry.
You wanna do another lap?
Interest you fellas
in a fried banana?
You can fry a banana?
But it's fruit.
Here, just try one.
Oh, this banana's
delicious.
The monkeys
must never find out.
HANK:
Okay,
last question.
Our policy is an HO-A Plus.
What does it cover?
All major perils
except sinkhole,
nuclear accident and war.
I think you're ready
for Mitch.
I'll listen in.
If Mitch asks, tell him
this call is being monitored
for quality assurance.
( takes deep breath )
( Indian accent ):
Hello, this is
Plainsman Insurance.
This call may be monitored
for quality assurance.
Good afternoon.
My name is Robert Hill,
policy number G-75-658.
May I please
speak to Mitch?
Mitch is not here.
Okay, then. Thanks.
Uh, this is Hank Hill,
policy holder.
When will Mitch be back?
Uh, he is in the 'loo.
Bathroom. Bathroom.
And according to our records,
your policy has been canceled
for non-payment.
Canceled?
Listen here, I have never
missed a payment.
I'm coming down there right now
so I can straighten this out.
Tell Mitch
I'm on my way.
Plainsman's
customer service operations
have been moved
to a central call center
so we may serve you
more efficiently.
I'll be happy to help you.
Just give me
your new address.
And remember, we're all
being monitored here.
Actually, Mr. Hill,
uh, we are in Bangalore, India.
India? No wonder you guys
lost my payment.
I demand to speak
to your supervisor.
Please hold.
Bobby, grab my checkbook.
I'm gonna kick this guy's ass
over the phone.
Hello, am I speaking
to the gentleman
with the delinquent account?
No, listen,
there's been a mistake.
I sent you my payment on...
on, uh...
Bwah!
I'm sorry,
could you repeat that?
Dad, if we go to India
to straighten this out,
can I ride an elephant?
Just, just give me
a second.
Bobby, sit down.
All right,
here's where we're at.
I made a big...
big mistake.
We've got no insurance.
Okay.
Bobby, don't you realize
how important this is?
All our policies
have lapsed.
Our house, everything
in it, our vehicles...
Nothing is protected.
The safety net's gone... gone.
I hear the words
you're saying.
And I believe you believe
it's important...
Dang it, don't you get it?!
We've...
Okay, okay...
Nothing good happens
when a homeowner panics.
Now, we need a plan.
I'll overnight a check
to Plainsman.
That way, we'll be covered again
as of Monday morning.
But we've still got to make it
through the next 36 hours.
Hey, we could go to Six Flags
and get a two-day pass.
Ooh, I think
they call it a Twicket.
No. We have to stay home
and keep an eye on the house.
Here's what we're going to do:
I'll inspect and secure
the house's vital systems
starting with the plumbing,
while you test
all the smoke alarms.
All right.
Just let me make some toast.
No toast.
Not until I check
the circuitry.
Now, I'd better call
your mother
and tell her to stay put.
While I'm gone,
don't cook anything,
flush anything
or turn anything on.
Not insured?!
That's terrible.
No, you're right,
we can't risk it.
Okay, we won't drive.
Are you serious?
I promise we won't drive.
Well, Luanne, it turns out
we are uninsured,
so your Uncle Hank
wants us to stay here
until everything's
straightened out.
But I don't want
to stay here.
Oh, what if we just
drive home
really, really, really,
really fast?
That way we won't be
on the road as long.
No, Luanne.
If something happened,
we couldn't afford another car.
So we'll just stay here
and make the best of it.
We just have to be creative.
From now on,
( monster voice ):
let's talk like this!
( giggles )
It's true.
Bee venom is the penicillin
of the 21st century.
It cures everything
from toothaches to ADD.
Isn't that right, young Joseph?
Uh, my head hurt,
but now it doesn't.
Step right up and tell me
what ails you.
My neck's kind of stiff.
Eight bee stings.
You?
I feel fine.
Six bee stings.
You?
Planter's wart.
Ew! 13 bee stings.
( approving murmur )
How come Mom's not allowed
to come home?
Weren't you
listening, Bobby?
This is serious.
We've all got
to do our part
to get through
this weekend.
Have you checked the smoke
alarm in the hallway?
No, but it's just a hallway.
There's nothing there
to catch on fire.
A hallway is the
expressway flames use
to spread to the rest
of the house.
Maybe that's just something
the guy at Mega-Lo-Mart
told you so you'd buy
more smoke detectors?
Dang it, Bobby, this isn't
about some sales pitch.
Fire can burn down
a house like that,
and our equity's gone.
15 years of house payments
for nothing,
because without insurance
we couldn't afford to rebuild.
Huh?
We'd have to set up a tent
on the ashes
of what used to be this house.
A tent?
Where would I put
all my clothes in a tent?
Oh, your clothes
would be gone, Bobby.
You'd have to wear
the clothes
that Reverend Stroup
collects
for poor people
at the church.
Toughskins?
Yep. And it's not
just fire,
it's tornadoes,
lightning,
golf ball-sized hail
that can destroy
everything we've got.
Now, why don't you go
and check the strapping
on the water heater.
Texas hasn't had a major
earthquake in 165 years.
We're due.
It's so much better
frying at home.
I can eat fried bananas
while looking
at Hank's house.
Really?
Fry a candy bar?
That's crazy. Okay!
( whimpers )
Take it out! Take it out!
Ooh!
Hot. Hot.
So good. Burning!
Oh! Chocolate... choc...
Mmm...
If we can fry a candy bar,
we can fry anything!
( deep, gruff voice ):
Isn't it a beautiful
night, Aunt Peggy?
Luanne, just stop it!
Well, I'm getting hungry,
and unless you want
to go hunt a squirrel,
I guess we are eating
at the vending machine.
( groans ):
I only have 20s.
Do you have anything smaller?
I only have n-nothing.
( chittering )
( sighs )
( doorbell rings )
Yeah, I got this box of
bees for Dale Gribble,
but no one's home.
Mind if I leave
it with you?
Dad? Situation
at the front door.
Coming!
Can I help you?
Yeah, your neighbor,
he bought these ten
pounds of bees from me.
I was gonna leave it there,
but ain't no one home,
so I was hoping I could
leave it over here.
Mind I leave it here?
( buzzing )
Y-You're gonna
have to go.
This, too.
Okay, good job
calling me, Bobby,
but the next time,
don't even open the door.
It's our last
line of defense.
I know the mat says
"Welcome," but...
Actually, I better
pick that up.
( Bill munching )
If everybody fried their food,
there would be no war.
Mm-hmm.
What shall we try next,
Boomhauer?
Tell you what, man,
talkin' 'bout
dang ol' fried
fried chicken, man.
Fried chicken refried?
Damn.
So hot and good.
I wonder if more heat
would make it more good?
Tell you what, man,
talkin' 'bout, dang 'ol
mo' hotter, mo' better, man.
Whatcha doing?
Frying.
( gasps, screams )
My favorite arm!
It looks pretty
bad, Dale.
Do you need to go
to the doctor?
One doctor? I'm gonna go
to about 2,000 buzzing ones.
( stomach growling )
Stop it, stomach!
You're scaring me!
Aunt Peggy, did
you find change?
No. But it's been 18 hours,
and we need to eat.
Now, pick up the back end
of this branch.
We're going in.
Three, two, one.
Soup's on...!
( loud, long grunt )
( exhausted sigh )
( yells )
( gasps ):
Yes!
BILL:
We buried the needle, Boomhauer!
We're frying where no man
has fried before!
A cold beer is going
to taste so good
with this scalding hot fish.
Oops!
Oh!
Ooh...
Ooh...
( squeaky gasp )
( gasps ):
I want insurance!
How's your shoulder?
I could use a Coke.
( Luanne yells )
( loud thud, pained gasp )
Root beer?
One more sting and my treatment
will be complete.
And...
cured.
Okay, Joseph, take that stick
and poke me
in my once-again robust arm.
( grunting )
See, I don't feel a thing.
Wait a minute.
I don't feel a thing!
Your venom did nothing!
You betrayed me!
Well, you may have destroyed
my arm,
but my legs are still feeble
yet functional!
Oh.
( screaming )
( makes light saber sounds )
( gasps )
Bobby, open the door!
The bees are coming!
Dad! Situation!
Bobby, quick!
Help me!
Sorry, Mr. Gribble!
You're a potential
property hazard!
Come back Monday!
( screams )
Open up!
( screaming )
( loud rock plays )
( loud rock plays )
Bobby, why the heck's
the radio so loud?
Mr. Gribble ran over,
screaming for help!
( Dale screaming )
DALE:
For the love of God, Bobby,
have mercy!
( screaming )
Oh, God!
Bobby, why didn't you help him?!
Why didn't you call 911?!
I was securing the perimeter!
Yeah, I'd like to report
a man being chased
by a swarm of bees.
I see.
The emergency vehicles
are all tied up.
Good. The last thing we need
are fire trucks and ambulances
racing over here.
They'd probably take
that corner too fast
and bam, right
in the living room.
( Dale screaming )
( rock music plays )
( music stops )
Come on. Dale's in trouble.
We need to go out there.
Out there?! With the bees
and the hail and the A-bombs?
Bobby, I think you're getting
a little carried away.
( sighs )
And I guess I pushed you there.
I didn't mean
to scare you, son.
Sure, I wish
we had insurance.
Because there is a chance
something bad could happen
to the house
if we leave it.
But something bad
is definitely gonna happen
to Dale if we don' t.
( Dale screaming,
metallic clunk )
If we go outside,
are you sure
everything
will be okay?
There's nothing out there
we can't handle.
I promise.
( sighing )
Okay, Dad.
Good Lord.
( sighing )
Where are you going,
Bobby?
This is not a big deal.
It's just a little fire.
And more bees
than I remembered.
Hey, Dale!
Run to your van!
( screaming )
There, no problem.
Now, Dale's arm
looked pretty bad,
so we should make
sure he's okay.
Fire!
Good eye, Bobby.
We can easily put that out
with some potting soil.
Heh, did you ever think
you'd see a fire in the alley?
Kind of funny when you think
about it, isn't it?
( nervous chuckle )
Yeah, funny.
( whimpering and grunting )
Dang ol', man!
( Bill screaming )
( grunting )
( screaming )
Mr. Dauterive's on fire!
That'll happen.
Roll, Bill, roll!
( Bobby gasps )
Just flaming potatoes,
Bobby.
Why don't we put
those out?
Joseph, I'm having
some sort of reaction.
But I'm only allergic
to shellfish and...
bees.
Joseph, I...
Huh. You never
were here, were you?
This could be bad.
Mouth is so dry.
( Dale groaning )
( Dale groaning )
( groaning )
( groaning )
( groaning )
Hank, I don't feel so good.
That's why we're gonna take you
to the hospital.
Come on. Let's go.
Boomhauer, Bill's flared up
again!
HANK:
Kick some dirt on him!
Dang 'ol, man,
I dang 'ol got it, man.
Stupid bees.
Look at that big purple one
trying to get in.
Okay, let's get you
to the hospital.
That wasn't so bad.
But I'll feel a lot better
when our coverage kicks in.
Yep, you're going
to make a great
homeowner someday.
HANK:
Hey, how'd you like
to help adjust
the deductible
on our umbrella policy?
BOBBY:
Would I!
We'll call India
in the morning.
( phone rings )
( recorded message ):
The Hills are away
from the phone.
Please leave a message
and we'll get back to you.
( beep )
PEGGY:
Hank, it's me.
Please tell us we have insurance
so Luanne and I can come home.
I am so sick
of eating junk food.
Oh, oh good,
the police are here.
Uh-oh. Oh, no. No!
No, Officer,
the vending machine was on
its side when we found it!
BILL: The monkeys
must never find out.
Yup.
What the...?!
Hey, man, don't...
Don't sting me!
Dale, what the heck
are you doing with bees?
Some guy
hired me to clear them
out of his attic.
I was gonna kill 'em,
but how could I?
Just look at 'em.
Aren't they adorable?
I guess they are
kind of cute.
And they're entrepreneurs.
These babies make honey.
And honey is money,
my friend.
What do you know
about beekeeping?
I know how to keep them
from crawling up my nose.
Phnyeah.
The Clones are coming,
Master Joseph.
We must reach
Jedi Council.
Oh, no, the landing bay
door is closing!
Oh, uh, use the Force
to roll under the door.
( panting, grunting )
( crash )
Easy now, fellas.
Nothing.
( sighs )
Dang it, Bobby.
You bent the track.
You fix bent stuff
all the time, though, right?
I can't fix this,
I have to get a new one.
Which means I'll have to file
an insurance claim.
Really?
So anytime you break something,
insurance gets you a new one?
Hey, if you back the car
into my bike,
we can get a new car
and a new bike.
No, Bobby, it doesn't
work that way.
Insurance
is a safety net
woven from the trust
between the policy holder
and the guarantor.
Insurance only covers accidents.
Accident.
Got ya.
( clicks tongue )
On our way to
the outlets tomorrow,
I was thinking, Luanne and
I could stop for lunch
at the Shoney's
off Exit-25.
( sighs heavily )
What, you don't
like that one?
No, it's a good Shoney's.
I'm just so frustrated
with Bobby.
He thinks insurance
is some magic fairy
who just waves her wand
and makes teenage
jack-assery disappear.
Her wand?
Huh, I always think
of insurance as a boy.
Welcome to the Gribble
Honey Bucket.
You are about to witness
how Mother Nature
turns a profit.
Gentlemen,
don your helmets.
( clanking )
( sighs )
I'm on my way.
I've struck gold.
Yummy, sticky gold.
Okay, Dad, the
ladies are finally
out of our hair.
What's first, a matinee
or putt-putt golf?
I thought we'd have a talk
about responsibility.
( deflated ):
Oh.
Now, since you were
horsing around
and broke the garage door,
you're going to have
to take care of it.
Wait, you said insurance
was taking care of it.
The claim settlement
won't just come down the chimney
like Santa Claus.
Someone has to make the calls
and file the papers.
That's me, right?
I want you to know
our policy inside and out
before you call Mitch Watson
down at the insurance agency.
Don't waste his time,
he'll hang up on you.
How much are you gonna charge
for your honey, Dale?
These people pay
five dollars for a carton
of filthy mushrooms,
so what do you think,
$100? $150?
So where do you want me?
Gone.
The ladies with their trendy
scarves and fancy coffees
won't come near this place
with you hanging around.
You're absolutely right.
Come and get your freshly
secreted honey!
Don't be put off by
Irwin Allen's The Swarm
or the tedious Peter Fonda film
Ulee's Gold.
Look, Alison, bees.
I heard Jenna Elfman on
Access Hollywood talking about
how you can cure anything
with the venom from bee stings.
Bee stings?
Yeah, bee stings?
My nutritionist says
it stimulates your body's
natural healing response.
A friend of mine used it
during childbirth
instead of an epidural.
How many stings
do I get for $150?
Uh, mm, um, well,
the going rate is, uh... 12?
That's a really
good deal.
Mm-hmm, it really is.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so, do you want
to get up on the table?
Or would you rather
have me shake it up
and dump some out on you?
I'm still hungry.
You wanna do another lap?
Interest you fellas
in a fried banana?
You can fry a banana?
But it's fruit.
Here, just try one.
Oh, this banana's
delicious.
The monkeys
must never find out.
HANK:
Okay,
last question.
Our policy is an HO-A Plus.
What does it cover?
All major perils
except sinkhole,
nuclear accident and war.
I think you're ready
for Mitch.
I'll listen in.
If Mitch asks, tell him
this call is being monitored
for quality assurance.
( takes deep breath )
( Indian accent ):
Hello, this is
Plainsman Insurance.
This call may be monitored
for quality assurance.
Good afternoon.
My name is Robert Hill,
policy number G-75-658.
May I please
speak to Mitch?
Mitch is not here.
Okay, then. Thanks.
Uh, this is Hank Hill,
policy holder.
When will Mitch be back?
Uh, he is in the 'loo.
Bathroom. Bathroom.
And according to our records,
your policy has been canceled
for non-payment.
Canceled?
Listen here, I have never
missed a payment.
I'm coming down there right now
so I can straighten this out.
Tell Mitch
I'm on my way.
Plainsman's
customer service operations
have been moved
to a central call center
so we may serve you
more efficiently.
I'll be happy to help you.
Just give me
your new address.
And remember, we're all
being monitored here.
Actually, Mr. Hill,
uh, we are in Bangalore, India.
India? No wonder you guys
lost my payment.
I demand to speak
to your supervisor.
Please hold.
Bobby, grab my checkbook.
I'm gonna kick this guy's ass
over the phone.
Hello, am I speaking
to the gentleman
with the delinquent account?
No, listen,
there's been a mistake.
I sent you my payment on...
on, uh...
Bwah!
I'm sorry,
could you repeat that?
Dad, if we go to India
to straighten this out,
can I ride an elephant?
Just, just give me
a second.
Bobby, sit down.
All right,
here's where we're at.
I made a big...
big mistake.
We've got no insurance.
Okay.
Bobby, don't you realize
how important this is?
All our policies
have lapsed.
Our house, everything
in it, our vehicles...
Nothing is protected.
The safety net's gone... gone.
I hear the words
you're saying.
And I believe you believe
it's important...
Dang it, don't you get it?!
We've...
Okay, okay...
Nothing good happens
when a homeowner panics.
Now, we need a plan.
I'll overnight a check
to Plainsman.
That way, we'll be covered again
as of Monday morning.
But we've still got to make it
through the next 36 hours.
Hey, we could go to Six Flags
and get a two-day pass.
Ooh, I think
they call it a Twicket.
No. We have to stay home
and keep an eye on the house.
Here's what we're going to do:
I'll inspect and secure
the house's vital systems
starting with the plumbing,
while you test
all the smoke alarms.
All right.
Just let me make some toast.
No toast.
Not until I check
the circuitry.
Now, I'd better call
your mother
and tell her to stay put.
While I'm gone,
don't cook anything,
flush anything
or turn anything on.
Not insured?!
That's terrible.
No, you're right,
we can't risk it.
Okay, we won't drive.
Are you serious?
I promise we won't drive.
Well, Luanne, it turns out
we are uninsured,
so your Uncle Hank
wants us to stay here
until everything's
straightened out.
But I don't want
to stay here.
Oh, what if we just
drive home
really, really, really,
really fast?
That way we won't be
on the road as long.
No, Luanne.
If something happened,
we couldn't afford another car.
So we'll just stay here
and make the best of it.
We just have to be creative.
From now on,
( monster voice ):
let's talk like this!
( giggles )
It's true.
Bee venom is the penicillin
of the 21st century.
It cures everything
from toothaches to ADD.
Isn't that right, young Joseph?
Uh, my head hurt,
but now it doesn't.
Step right up and tell me
what ails you.
My neck's kind of stiff.
Eight bee stings.
You?
I feel fine.
Six bee stings.
You?
Planter's wart.
Ew! 13 bee stings.
( approving murmur )
How come Mom's not allowed
to come home?
Weren't you
listening, Bobby?
This is serious.
We've all got
to do our part
to get through
this weekend.
Have you checked the smoke
alarm in the hallway?
No, but it's just a hallway.
There's nothing there
to catch on fire.
A hallway is the
expressway flames use
to spread to the rest
of the house.
Maybe that's just something
the guy at Mega-Lo-Mart
told you so you'd buy
more smoke detectors?
Dang it, Bobby, this isn't
about some sales pitch.
Fire can burn down
a house like that,
and our equity's gone.
15 years of house payments
for nothing,
because without insurance
we couldn't afford to rebuild.
Huh?
We'd have to set up a tent
on the ashes
of what used to be this house.
A tent?
Where would I put
all my clothes in a tent?
Oh, your clothes
would be gone, Bobby.
You'd have to wear
the clothes
that Reverend Stroup
collects
for poor people
at the church.
Toughskins?
Yep. And it's not
just fire,
it's tornadoes,
lightning,
golf ball-sized hail
that can destroy
everything we've got.
Now, why don't you go
and check the strapping
on the water heater.
Texas hasn't had a major
earthquake in 165 years.
We're due.
It's so much better
frying at home.
I can eat fried bananas
while looking
at Hank's house.
Really?
Fry a candy bar?
That's crazy. Okay!
( whimpers )
Take it out! Take it out!
Ooh!
Hot. Hot.
So good. Burning!
Oh! Chocolate... choc...
Mmm...
If we can fry a candy bar,
we can fry anything!
( deep, gruff voice ):
Isn't it a beautiful
night, Aunt Peggy?
Luanne, just stop it!
Well, I'm getting hungry,
and unless you want
to go hunt a squirrel,
I guess we are eating
at the vending machine.
( groans ):
I only have 20s.
Do you have anything smaller?
I only have n-nothing.
( chittering )
( sighs )
( doorbell rings )
Yeah, I got this box of
bees for Dale Gribble,
but no one's home.
Mind if I leave
it with you?
Dad? Situation
at the front door.
Coming!
Can I help you?
Yeah, your neighbor,
he bought these ten
pounds of bees from me.
I was gonna leave it there,
but ain't no one home,
so I was hoping I could
leave it over here.
Mind I leave it here?
( buzzing )
Y-You're gonna
have to go.
This, too.
Okay, good job
calling me, Bobby,
but the next time,
don't even open the door.
It's our last
line of defense.
I know the mat says
"Welcome," but...
Actually, I better
pick that up.
( Bill munching )
If everybody fried their food,
there would be no war.
Mm-hmm.
What shall we try next,
Boomhauer?
Tell you what, man,
talkin' 'bout
dang ol' fried
fried chicken, man.
Fried chicken refried?
Damn.
So hot and good.
I wonder if more heat
would make it more good?
Tell you what, man,
talkin' 'bout, dang 'ol
mo' hotter, mo' better, man.
Whatcha doing?
Frying.
( gasps, screams )
My favorite arm!
It looks pretty
bad, Dale.
Do you need to go
to the doctor?
One doctor? I'm gonna go
to about 2,000 buzzing ones.
( stomach growling )
Stop it, stomach!
You're scaring me!
Aunt Peggy, did
you find change?
No. But it's been 18 hours,
and we need to eat.
Now, pick up the back end
of this branch.
We're going in.
Three, two, one.
Soup's on...!
( loud, long grunt )
( exhausted sigh )
( yells )
( gasps ):
Yes!
BILL:
We buried the needle, Boomhauer!
We're frying where no man
has fried before!
A cold beer is going
to taste so good
with this scalding hot fish.
Oops!
Oh!
Ooh...
Ooh...
( squeaky gasp )
( gasps ):
I want insurance!
How's your shoulder?
I could use a Coke.
( Luanne yells )
( loud thud, pained gasp )
Root beer?
One more sting and my treatment
will be complete.
And...
cured.
Okay, Joseph, take that stick
and poke me
in my once-again robust arm.
( grunting )
See, I don't feel a thing.
Wait a minute.
I don't feel a thing!
Your venom did nothing!
You betrayed me!
Well, you may have destroyed
my arm,
but my legs are still feeble
yet functional!
Oh.
( screaming )
( makes light saber sounds )
( gasps )
Bobby, open the door!
The bees are coming!
Dad! Situation!
Bobby, quick!
Help me!
Sorry, Mr. Gribble!
You're a potential
property hazard!
Come back Monday!
( screams )
Open up!
( screaming )
( loud rock plays )
( loud rock plays )
Bobby, why the heck's
the radio so loud?
Mr. Gribble ran over,
screaming for help!
( Dale screaming )
DALE:
For the love of God, Bobby,
have mercy!
( screaming )
Oh, God!
Bobby, why didn't you help him?!
Why didn't you call 911?!
I was securing the perimeter!
Yeah, I'd like to report
a man being chased
by a swarm of bees.
I see.
The emergency vehicles
are all tied up.
Good. The last thing we need
are fire trucks and ambulances
racing over here.
They'd probably take
that corner too fast
and bam, right
in the living room.
( Dale screaming )
( rock music plays )
( music stops )
Come on. Dale's in trouble.
We need to go out there.
Out there?! With the bees
and the hail and the A-bombs?
Bobby, I think you're getting
a little carried away.
( sighs )
And I guess I pushed you there.
I didn't mean
to scare you, son.
Sure, I wish
we had insurance.
Because there is a chance
something bad could happen
to the house
if we leave it.
But something bad
is definitely gonna happen
to Dale if we don' t.
( Dale screaming,
metallic clunk )
If we go outside,
are you sure
everything
will be okay?
There's nothing out there
we can't handle.
I promise.
( sighing )
Okay, Dad.
Good Lord.
( sighing )
Where are you going,
Bobby?
This is not a big deal.
It's just a little fire.
And more bees
than I remembered.
Hey, Dale!
Run to your van!
( screaming )
There, no problem.
Now, Dale's arm
looked pretty bad,
so we should make
sure he's okay.
Fire!
Good eye, Bobby.
We can easily put that out
with some potting soil.
Heh, did you ever think
you'd see a fire in the alley?
Kind of funny when you think
about it, isn't it?
( nervous chuckle )
Yeah, funny.
( whimpering and grunting )
Dang ol', man!
( Bill screaming )
( grunting )
( screaming )
Mr. Dauterive's on fire!
That'll happen.
Roll, Bill, roll!
( Bobby gasps )
Just flaming potatoes,
Bobby.
Why don't we put
those out?
Joseph, I'm having
some sort of reaction.
But I'm only allergic
to shellfish and...
bees.
Joseph, I...
Huh. You never
were here, were you?
This could be bad.
Mouth is so dry.
( Dale groaning )
( Dale groaning )
( groaning )
( groaning )
( groaning )
Hank, I don't feel so good.
That's why we're gonna take you
to the hospital.
Come on. Let's go.
Boomhauer, Bill's flared up
again!
HANK:
Kick some dirt on him!
Dang 'ol, man,
I dang 'ol got it, man.
Stupid bees.
Look at that big purple one
trying to get in.
Okay, let's get you
to the hospital.
That wasn't so bad.
But I'll feel a lot better
when our coverage kicks in.
Yep, you're going
to make a great
homeowner someday.
HANK:
Hey, how'd you like
to help adjust
the deductible
on our umbrella policy?
BOBBY:
Would I!
We'll call India
in the morning.
( phone rings )
( recorded message ):
The Hills are away
from the phone.
Please leave a message
and we'll get back to you.
( beep )
PEGGY:
Hank, it's me.
Please tell us we have insurance
so Luanne and I can come home.
I am so sick
of eating junk food.
Oh, oh good,
the police are here.
Uh-oh. Oh, no. No!
No, Officer,
the vending machine was on
its side when we found it!
BILL: The monkeys
must never find out.