King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 9, Episode 7 - Enrique-cilable Differences - full transcript

Well, it's either just
a crack in the driveway

or the Chinese
are making their move.

Yeah, uh, either way we
start repaving tomorrow.

As usual the beer,
steaks, and Icy Hot
are on me.

( cheering )

Dude, did you see the billboard
for that new show?

It's got a chick
sitting on a race car,

pouring champagne
on a dude.

Nothing wrong with that.

What's it called?

I think they're calling it
Daytona 500.



Daytona 500!

500 what?

500 bachelors? 500 dwarves?

Oh, look at me.
I'm already hooked!

It's gonna be great.

It's on FOX.

They have that one show

where they give a girl
a bigger boobie,

then make her
do something gross

for the second
bigger boobie.

Man, that sounds great,

but my Dad has
a channel block on FOX.

We'll have to watch it
at your place.

No. My dad steals cable
from your dad,



so we don't get it either.

Joseph, we are unblocking
Daytona 500.

Huh?

Enrique?

Hey, Hank.

Uh, good morning.

What are you doing here
at this hour?

Thought I'd get an early start.

What's happening with you?

Well, uh, I keep wanting
to turn on the lights,

but they're already on.

Well... uh, guess I'll get
some coffee.

Hey! So,
so what's new?

Well, we should
be getting those
new M380 tongs in.

Looks like they'll
handle a porterhouse
and then some.

Oh. Yeah.

So how's the family?

Anything new at home?

Uh, at home I'm installing
a new driveway.

But back on the work front...

A driveway?!

Now that's a project I can
really sink my teeth into.

Hey, I'll stop by
and give you a hand.

Uh, stop by, huh?

Uh, that's a mighty
generous offer, Enrique,

but I got plenty
of help already

from my friends
back home,

so, uh, again,
thank you very much.

No problem.

So see you later.

Strong!

Strong, right?

That's... that's right, Enrique.

Hey, Dad,

you know what would be
a good way

of teaching me responsibility?

How about you agree
to unblock the FOX network,

and I agree not to watch it?

Is it football season?

No.
Then it's blocked.

Boy, Enrique's been acting
pretty dang weird lately.

Weirder than this?

( giggles )

Not like that.

I mean like
everywhere I turn,

he's there, hanging around,
talking about things.

It's like all of a sudden
he wants to be my best friend.

Ah.

There is a word
in Enrique's culture

that describes this exact
type of behavior: "amigos."

But we're not that.

For the last 20 years
we've been work acquaintances,

and everything's been great.

When you mix friendship and work

you're opening up
a whole can of worms.

Why do you think Buck Strickland
never has us over?

I'm not interested
in this conversation.

I suggest we talk about music.

Hey, I just realized
what's going on here.

All those questions,
showing up early,

the half-sandwich
he tried to share with me...

Enrique's looking
for a promotion.

Guess I'll have to tell him
nothing's available.

It won't be fun,
but I can handle that.

Okay, name that tune
in one note.

( sings note )

I am Mighty Thor!

( grunts )

I wish we could rip up this
driveway for all eternity.

( horn honks )

Hey, Hank!

Oh, God.

Hey, Enrique.

I brought rebar.

Guys, you remember Enrique
from Strickland.

Uh, is this some kind of

bring-a-coworker-
to-home day?

Hey, so what are
we waiting for, huh?

Let's get this
show on the road.

Yeah, but...

( grunting )

I'm Thor.

I know, Bill.

Good work,
guys.

And, uh, Thor.

See ya.

See you later.

You, too, Enrique.

You, uh, probably
want to be

heading towards your
truck right about now.

Good night.

Here it is...

Enrique, I noticed lately
you've been working really hard,

and I appreciate it,
but as far as a promotion goes,

I'm sorry, there's nothing
available right now.

( moans )

Hank, my marriage
is falling apart.

I'm so unhappy.

I don't know what to do.

You're the only one
in the world I can turn to.

Okay, then.

I'll see you at work.

Oh, look at him
out there, Hank.

I was right.

Enrique was longing
for a human connection.

Well, he's not
getting it from me.

I'm his boss.

But he could be depressed.

Or he could be paranoid.

He could be a lot of things,

but me getting in the middle of
it won't do anyone any good.

The man needs help, Hank,

and it looks like

he's not going anywhere
till he gets it.

( sighs )

I'm telling you,
this is a mistake.

Wait, where are my truck keys?

I need something to jangle.

So, uh, what's
the good word, Enrique?

My marriage is crumbling.

Our love is dead.

I feel hollow inside,
like a ghost.

There's been a lot of birds
flying around town lately.

Any feelings about that?

Hank, ever since the children
moved out,

Yolanda and me-- I don't know--

things just
aren't the same anymore.

It's, it's like, like we don't
even know who we are.

( jangling )

Yeah, the problem here
is with your wife.

You should probably
be talking to her.

Yup, I guess
that's the plan.

Go talk to your wife.

No, I can't talk to her.

I am a man.

Besides, Yolanda is not as
easy to talk to as you, Hank.

What about someone else?

Someone who knows you
personally?

Like a priest
or a soccer coach?

Impossible.

I am a Mexican-American,

and in my community
it would be a disgrace

to speak
of my marriage problems.

Mexicans don't talk
about their feelings?

That's great.

So, uh, why'd you
give that up?

Hank, I need you.

( sobbing )

I'm in so much pain.

I'm-I'm really alone.

( sobbing )

Well, uh,
I don't want

to keep you, Enrique,
so, uh...

Ah, Enrique.

Please, come in.

Look, everybody,

it's Enrique.

Hello, Mr. Enrique.
Hi.

Oh, Raymond.

This is a good TV show.

I will turn it up for you.

See what happens
when you miss your nap?

You get cranky.

( chuckling )

( laughing )

That's funny, huh?

This is a good time.

( laughing )

And then he asked me what
we're doing this weekend.

I panicked and I think
I let dinner

at Long John Silver's
slip out.

See, Enrique
is asking about you.

Now you need to ask about him.

Find out what the problem is
in his marriage.

Is he there for her emotionally?

Look, all I know about him
is that he likes blue pens

and he staples horizontally,
and that's all I should know.

Maybe he's selfish
in bed.

( groans )

BOBBY:
I think I figured out

my dad's password.

It's not "Ladybird"?

Dang it.

I've tried everything.

What's his freakin'
password?

I know.

What about
"firestarter"?

No.

How about "bug"?
"Space needle"?

"Macaroni salad"?

Stop it, Joseph.

We've got to think like my dad.

What are you boys
up to?

Uh, propane.

( gasps )

Propane.

HOST:
America has made the choice

and now you get
to see the results.

What do you think
of your new face?

WOMAN:
I love it.

HOST:
Now, if you want to keep it,

you have to eat your
old nose and lips.

Hey, Hank.

That was a good time

last night watching
Raymond, huh?

Hank has the best remote.

It's universal.

You had a Raymond
party, honey?

I had to watch it at
the damn Jolly Lamplighter.

What's Hank's house like?

I always picture him
having lots of cats.

Hey, does Hank
have slippers,

or does he just walk
around in his socks?

I think people
need to spend more time

cleaning the plastic steaks

and less time discussing
my home life.

Hey, you know
what's really cool?

Hank comes off all
stiff and formal here,

but you can tell he
really loves his wife.

Oh, God.

Is he affectionate
with her?

Well, the thing about Hank
and Peggy's relationship...

Got dang it, Hank, this
is the busiest day of the month

and you're bragging about your
lovemaking with your wife?

Now get back to work!

Dang it, Hank, we've
been waiting forever

to work on
the driveway.

We're almost too drunk
to use power tools.

( belches )

Beg pardon.

Sorry, Buck made me stay late.

Let me go change
and I'll be right out.

( laughing )

Hey, it would take forever
to iron my shirt with this.

See what I'm saying?

( laughing )

Enrique?

Hey, everybody, Hank's home.

How was your day at work?

( laughs ):
Just kidding.

I was there.

But now it's gift time.

For adorable Luanne,
an adorable stuffed animal.

( giggling ):
How did you know?

And for Bobby, who's
growing into a man,

beef jerky.

Wow.

For Peggy, who stands up
for what she believes in,

the Rocky box set.

And for my friend, a gallon
of driveway sealant.

Now let's get this party
started... with music.

Dang it, Peggy.
This has got to stop.
( norteño )

Enrique has
to talk to his wife,

not hang out here.

Of course he does,
but he can't seem to do it.

That is where you come in.

But I don't want to come in.

Hey, Hank.

Thanks for the raise.

That's very good,
Enrique.

Look, Hank,
he's beginning

to drive me
a little crazy, too.

That laugh, his childish
sense of humor...

Now quit being so stubborn.

Step in now and we'll be
done with all this.

Enrique, Hank
is going to give you

a ride home and
fix everything.

Really?

Yes, but he's going
to need all the details.

Don't hold back.

No, I won't.

See you, Dell!

See you, Bullhauser!

( whimpers )

Okay, so here's the deal
with Yolanda and me.

I tell her she's pretty
all the time,

but she never
tells me I'm handsome.

Do you think
I'm handsome, Hank?

ENRIQUE:
I don't know.

Maybe it's because
when I married Yolanda

I was a virgin
and she wasn't.

Oh, no.
She is one of her moods.

Drive, Hank. Let's go.

No. Apparently
Peggy thinks

I need to help
Yolanda and you

work this thing out.

So, uh, all that intimate
stuff you told me,

you're going to tell
it to Yolanda.

( speaking Spanish )

( kissing noises )

( speaking Spanish )
Hank ( speaking Spanish ).

( speaking Spanish )

Uh, okay then.

( continuing in Spanish )

Mm, fresh concrete.

Boy, that smell really helps me

put all that Enrique stuff
in perspective.

I can't wait till it dries
to see how she parks.

And to think my wallet's
in there somewhere.

Hank, I spit in the concrete,

so when I mysteriously
disappear,

you'll be able to use my DNA
to create the perfect neighbor--

half man, half driveway.

So, how'd it go?

I didn't get the feeling that me
being there helped out a lot,

with the yelling and
the finger-pointing and all.

No, that's good.
That's breaking the ice.

I have a good feeling
about this, Hank.

Hey, are you Enrique's friend,
Hank Hill?

Uh, I'm his assistant
manager, yes.

Yo, we got some garbage for you.

Hey, stop it.
That's fresh concrete.

Our sister Yolanda says

she doesn't want this stuff
around her house anymore.

And she doesn't
want this either.

( yelling )

( grunting )

Hey, Hank.

What happened, Enrique?

Yolanda kept yelling

and I didn't like the way
she was talking about you,

so I told her so and, uh,
that got her even madder.

Looks like we're going to be
roommates a while, huh?

Or family.

Enrique Hill.

( laughing )

( Enrique humming )

This is not good.

Oh, God, he's not getting
ready to laugh, is he?

He's not
moving in with us.

Of course not.

I don't know.

Maybe he shouldn't be back
with Yolanda.

Maybe you should tell him
to be single.

No, look, we don't know

if Enrique should be back
with Yolanda or single.

He's got to figure
it out for himself.

Hey, you guys.

I can imitate
any animal. Watch.

( clucking )

( laughing )

I'm a chicken!

You can fry me
for dinner.

( laughing )

We do this my way, Peggy.

Enrique, your fantasy life
with me and my family

has ended: welcome
to the Dearborn.

This is where husbands
who can't work out

their marital problems
come to live.

But...

Stop it.

Understand you are not
coming back with us.

Uh, okay.

It doesn't look too bad.

Here we are in
the community room,

where a lot of our singles
like to congregate.

No flagman shots!

You spin again, I'm going
to neck-punch you!

Oh, Enrique, I'd like
you to meet T.J.

He's a regular

at many of our
events.

The events are an excellent
way to meet women.

Hey, you like to party?

Oh, yeah. Who doesn't?

Yeah, we're gonna
party together.

You like margatinis?

Fridays around here are called
Weekend Warrior Fridays,

and it's all the margatinis
you can drink.

Hey, uh, good guys,
huh, Hank?

Now let's go search
for the letter "B."

Well, off
to the mall.

Have fun.

Later, much.

I thought she'd
never leave.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Daytona 500.

Is this it?

It's just a bunch of cars
going around in circles.

It'll get better.

You think?

Like, maybe
the Hilton twins

will have to run
across the track.

I hope something happens.

( cars crashing )

Cool.
Cool.

The Murphy bed allows you

to adjust the size
of your living space

from big to small,

depending on
your specific needs.

So when can
he move in?

Now.

At the Dearborn, we never
require advance notice.

We find it's how many of our

"suddenly single" residents
prefer to do business.

This looks great,
right, Hank?

I should sign up, huh?

Party every night.

I can't answer that,
Enrique.

All I know is that
you'll either

be living here
or with Yolanda.

Not with us.

But I want you know
that whatever you decide,

it's none of my business.

DALE:
Ride it!

BILL:
Ooh, hang on!

Hang on!
You got it!

DALE:
And nine seconds!

A new record.

Congratulations,

Boomhauer.

My turn.

( grunting )

And one second.

PEGGY:
This is lovely.

It's nice to be able
to tell a joke

and not have someone roar,
"Si bueno,"

and pound the table.

I would just like
to propose a toast.

To Hank, for making this quiet
family dinner possible.

Nicely done, Hank.

I'm not sure we should be doing
any celebrating just yet.

( pounding on door )

ENRIQUE:
Hey, let me inside!

Open up!

Enrique?

I'm out here.

I want to be in there.

Uncle Hank, are we
going to be murdered?

Shh, this
is the critical juncture.

We can't give in.

No matter how bad it gets,
and it will get bad,

we must stand firm.

Then everything
can go back to normal.

Hello?

Hey, open up!

I got presents.

I guess you
can't hear me.

( grunting )

I'm sure that's your
car in the garage.

( phone ringing )

Come on. Pick up.
Come on. Pick up.

I'm really lonely out here.

Peggy, you haven't told me how
you'd make Rocky III better.

Hello? It's family time.

Let me in!

Let's just play one game
of Monopoly with him.

No.

Let me in!

Bark, bark,
I'm a dog.

No, no,
I'm a chicken.

Chickens are what you like.

( doorbell chimes rapidly )

( sobbing )

( sighs )

( weakly ):
I've got presents.

It's over.

It's over.

Adios.

Morning.

Hey, Hank.
Nice day.

Yup. Good grilling weather.

Yeah, those new tongs
should really move.

So, how'd it go with
Enrique and Yolanda?

Are they going to therapy?

Do you think they're
truly reconciled,

or do you think
she'll kick him out again?

Peggy, I have no idea.

( Enrique laughing )