King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 3 - New Cowboy on the Block - full transcript
A washed-up football star moves into the neighborhood.
Ripped By mstoll
Do the new neighbors
have any kids my age?
Joseph's getting too active.
I need someone to sit
around and watch TV with.
Stop it!
No more families on the block!
Look at those free weights.
That's the sign of a fit,
single woman.
She's tired of the bar scene
and is looking for a man
to share her foosball table
and beer can collection with.
Now, Bobby, if a teenager moves
into that house,
I'm counting on you to teach him
our community values.
I know there's a lot of pressure
being the Block Captain's kid,
but that was the life
you were born into.
Hey, Country Bear Jamboree!
My grandma send
me birthday check,
but it not in my mailbox.
Which one of you take it?
Why would we steal your check?
How do I know?!
Maybe your wife needs
new pitchfork.
I hope the new neighbor
isn't another Kahn.
His cracks about
Peggy are funny,
but other than that,
he's completely useless.
Here comes the new neighbor.
It is a lady!
A big lady.
It's a man.
Oh, I didn't know
this was the type of neighborhood
where guys stood
outside drinking beer.
And I'm totally psyched, man!
I'm totally psyched!
Well, you should be psyched.
You can drink in the alley
until 8:15 p.m.
It's all in the block charter
which I left in your mailbox.
Hank Hill, Block Captain.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Willie Lane.
Huh. Anybody ever tell you
that you've got the same name
as a Dallas Cowboy
backup lineman
from the 1976 to '79 seasons?
No.
Yep. "Big" Willie Lane.
Blocked a kick
to beat the 49ers.
Then was cut one year later
and moved down to Mexico
where he now wrestles animals
for tourists' pennies.
You sure about that, chief?
Whoa, that's...
that's a Super Bowl ring.
Sweet Lord,
you're Big Willie Lane!
Got dang, man.
You're even better
than a single lady.
Yay!
I like this little
chicken chest.
He's got spirit.
Yay!
Ow, my-my head.
Look at him over there, Peggy.
They never lose that nobility.
Oh, God, he's coming this way.
Just... just look casual.
Hey, Hank!
I thought you'd want
to see this.
It's the football from
the kick I blocked.
Looks just like it did on TV.
Oh, uh, Willie,
this is my wife, Peggy.
Hey...
Didn't you used to be
one of our cheerleaders?
Me? Oh, no.
But I did go to a Cowboy's game
in 1978.
Maybe you recognize me
from the stands.
Dad, I changed my mind again.
Medium rare.
Think fast, big guy.
Listen here, buddy.
You have to catch it
out in front with your hands,
not try to cradle
it into your body.
It's a little something
Billy Joe DuPree showed me.
"Billy Joe Dupree."
Way to go, Bobby.
Now, you listen to
all the pointers
this man gives you.
He was taught about
football... and life...
from the great Coach Landry.
Hey, Hank,
there's a Cowboy's game on later
if you want to come over.
Okay, yeah, that sounds great.
And you can bring the guys.
They seem pretty cool.
See, Peggy, I told you
the guys were cool.
Run, damn it, run!
No, don't go out of bounds!
Wuss!
Passion.
Halftime.
I'll grab a few brews.
And, hey, if we do this again,
would you guys mind bringing
Sam Adams instead of Alamo?
No problem. I'll just dip into
my son's college fund.
Guys, my uniform is too tight.
You think Willie
would be offended
if I took my pants off?
Got dang it, Bill,
don't screw this up.
Hey, you guys want to see
some stuff from my career?
Hank, you've seen this.
It's the football
from that kick I blocked.
Oh... and here's a picture
from that kick I blocked.
Hey, Willie,
I have something I think
you'd be interested in.
Well, who's that handsome stud?
That's you before
the weight gain.
Hey, Willie,
how'd you feel about letting me
borrow your Super Bowl ring
to wear to Ladies Night
at Shananigans tomorrow?
Bill, game room.
Now.
Can I have some more chips,
or would that be stepping
over the line, too?
Five! Four!
Three! Two! One!
We did it!
Cowboys win!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Cowboys win!
Hey, Bob, what's up, brother?
Huh. Willie specifically said,
"Come over for the game."
Boomhauer, are we
overstaying our welcome
if we watch
the post game show?
Mmm. Well... toss-up, man.
Oh, God. The post
game show's starting.
What do we do?
Well, it's our first time
at Willie's.
We don't want to come on
too strong.
Got dang,
I think that's Jethro Pugh.
As God is my witness,
if I ever get back
inside that house,
I'm never going to leave.
One good thing
about other hillbillies...
at least they all pass out
by 9:00.
This guy need to shut up
or get stronger moonshine.
Then call him to lower
music, but be nice.
Maybe when we go on vacation,
we finally have someone
to feed your stupid fish.
♪ Feel like making love
to you. ♪
Rock on.
Yes, hello, rock on.
This Kahn Souphanousinphone,
your neighbor,
and it's getting late.
Would you please lower
Bad Company?
Candy, climb on down.
I'm going to take care
of this situation.
Oh, Minh,
I think I'm getting somewhere.
Now, which one are you, pardner?
You right across the alley?
Yeah, that me.
He's coming to apologize.
That's a start.
Right on. So, your house
has the phone cord
running right by the side
of the house?
Yeah, I'm not sure why
that matter, but...
♪ Feel like making love ♪
The phone is dead.
Where my stun gun?
♪ Feel like making love
to you ♪
Oh, my gosh, it's
almost midnight.
♪ To you, and you, and you,
and you and all of you. ♪
Did you move back the curfew
in your block charter?
Because that would
be very sexy.
Well, sorry to be a tease,
but I just made
a one-time exemption.
Really? Then I want the fine
rescinded from my game night.
Well, Peggy,
the appeals process...
Oh, my God.
Kahn's hassling Willie.
Uh-oh, you in for it now,
big boy.
The Block Captain
never stand for nonsense.
Hank, he cut my phone cable.
Yeah, right.
You're... dumb.
Kahn, please tell me you're
not going to run over here
and blame Willie every time
a phone call gets disconnected.
Right on, Double-H.
Right on.
I am not lying!
Now listen,
you make my family follow
your stupid rules all the time.
So shut down this jock ball.
It's a school night.
Hey, Double-H, I'll bet
a Cowboy fan like you
would love to meet
Roger Staubach's pool cleaner.
He's in there? Now?
Well, yeah,
he's a buddy of mine.
Come on in and meet him.
Uh... I wouldn't know
what to say.
He's very easy to talk to.
Now, get on in there.
Hank, I need you!
Hank...
Block Captain.
I cannot believe
you met Roger Staubach's
pool cleaner.
Yup. We played foosball.
He's a great guy.
Just a regular guy,
I tell you what.
Hey, Hank Hill,
I gave your block charter
to Connie to take to school
for report on hypocrisy.
She get an "A,"
and teacher call you a monster.
So what kind of haircut
did the pool
cleaner have, huh?
Was he a redhead? I'm
picturing a redhead.
Willie's giving me
some blocking lessons later.
He says I'd make
a great lineman,
like he was.
My son is getting a clinic
from a Dallas Cowboy.
I've always said you had
a lot of untapped bulk.
I'm going to do a push-up!
Which one of you
sports fans wants
to give old Willie
a ride to work?
How about you, Double H?
Excuse me, guys.
Official Cowboy business.
And that's how
I blocked that kick.
That story gets better
every time you tell it.
Hey, thanks for the lift
to work.
I'm probably still legally drunk
from my party.
Yeah, uh, you know, Willie,
I've been meaning to talk to you
about that party.
Uh, I know
you haven't had a chance
to read the block charter yet,
but, uh, it did go on
a little late.
I hear you, chief.
But it's hard for me
to go to bars.
There's always one guy
who wants to prove
how tough he is
by taking on
an ex-football player.
That's why I party at home.
If I get in a fight,
at least it's with a friend.
Very responsible.
Hey, Hank,
you're a big Cowboy fan.
How would you like to buy
Deion Sander's truck?
I'll give you
the "friend's price."
Oh, wow.
Well, I-I mean, it's
a great opportunity,
but I don't really
need another truck.
Hank, thanks for the lift.
Rock on.
Rock on.
Hurry, Switzer.
You can do it.
There you go.
Uh...
Willie, I know
Kahn's a pain in the neck,
but this isn't really how
we do things around here,
and even Kahn
never walks his dog
on anybody else's lawn.
I hear you, brother.
I just lost my
head for a second.
Oh, dang.
I forgot my baggie.
I'll run home and grab one.
Come on, Switzer.
Come on, girl.
Hank, how much
longer are you going to stare
at that big pile
of dog droppings?
Not much longer.
It's only been
a couple of hours.
I'm sure he just forgot.
I guess I'll just
go pick it up myself.
Hey, Hank, Willie called me
and asked me
to give him a ride home
and to thank me, he gave me
the "friend's price"
on Cowboy legend Deion
"Prime Time" Sanders' Hyundai.
Now, help me push it
into my garage.
Dad, check out
what Willie taught me.
Now who's your daddy, huh?
Big Willie Lane!
Bobby, what are you doing?
That's cheating.
Willie says it ain't cheating
if you don't get caught.
That's not true.
Well, what the heck
happened here?
Your new pig-headed,
jock friend dug holes in my lawn.
Lawn-scape assault is
in clear violation
of article nine
of the charter.
This ends today.
Mister, you
are out of control,
and it's time you get in line.
You know, I used to think
you were a cool guy.
I can be very cool when someone
follows our neighborhood guidelines.
Now get over there
and start helping
Kahn fill those holes.
You know, Hank, you seem
to have a lot of spirit.
How would you like a pep rally?
Hey, we could make a bonfire!
No, don't...
Stop that!
All right, that does it!
So these guys started a fire
in the alley
and tore some planks
off my fence.
You do realize that
this is a felony.
Sweet Betty,
that's a Super Bowl ring!
McMurtry, get your keister
over here.
I'm Willie Lane.
It's nice to
meet you officers.
This is the guy who
blocked that kick.
Uh, Officers Brown
and McMurtry,
there's the matter
of the fire here...
Hey, let me try that Super
Bowl ring on, will you?
Last time that thing was off
was 500 beers ago.
Officers, uh, about the fire.
Willie, you didn't start
this fire, did you?
He probably did it,
and now he's trying
to pin it on me.
You guys can't possibly
believe him. The man...
Enough out of you.
Now get back inside
and stop hassling Big Willie.
Hey, if we kicked
a few footballs,
could you block 'em?
All right, you snap and kick.
Dad, can I have a
ride to the store?
Willie borrowed my bike
and seems
to have lost track of it.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
You know, for a guy who was a pro
athlete, Willie's drunk a lot.
Yeah, I know, Bobby.
Have you thought about where
we're going to move to?
I heard Tampa's nice.
We're not moving anywhere.
I got you in my sights.
I'm going to pack,
just in case.
Hank?
Kahn,
I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.
No man should have to live
to see this done to his lawn.
So I was thinking
we could work together
to get rid of Willie.
I talked to my
father-in-law last night.
He knows a guy who
will do it for 5,000.
Kahn, I'll only operate
within the confines
of state law
and the block charter.
Incoming!
You sure about this?
Because maybe we
can get hitman to throw in Gribble
as freebie.
We mow in two minutes, Kahn.
What do you think
you're doing?
Willie's sleeping
off a hangover.
That's exactly what I figured.
Kahn and I are going
to fire up our mowers
every day at 7:00 a.m.,
the earliest time for mowing
permitted in the block charter.
Eventually it'll drive
that hungover bastard
off the block.
Over Bill's bruised
and lacerated body, you will.
Lay down in front
of the mower, Bill.
Okay.
What happened to you guys?
Bill, don't you remember
when this was
the kind of neighborhood
where you could leave
your door unlocked at night,
and no one would steal
your refrigerator?
I've been keeping my food
in the tub.
And Dale, you believed
in the block charter so strongly
you signed it
with your real name.
It's the only time
I've ever done that.
Gentlemen, it is a new morning
on Rainey Street.
It's not working.
Time for Plan B.
There's a plan B?
We didn't tell you
for your own protection.
They wouldn't dare have
their basket-bottle tournament
with Deion Sanders' car
in the way.
They were going to make me dance
during halftime.
We can't play bottle donkey
with that car in our court.
Hey, Fitzy,
Tom, Tommy, Jack, Joe, Bear!
Oh, what the?
Deion's car!
Hank, your lawn!
I know, Bill, I know,
but I think Willie just tossed
his last car
on his last neighbor's lawn.
Why would I tip a car
over on my own lawn?
I don't know.
It puzzles me.
But Willie says
he didn't do it,
and we have no evidence that
proves otherwise.
Uh, Willie, this here's
Officers Collins and Winchell.
They're off duty
but came by because
they wanted to meet you.
Could we check out
that Super Bowl ring?
This little old thing?
Sure.
Hey! Let's take
a group picture.
McMurtry, grab the Polaroid.
Hey, I used to have
a camera like that.
It must have gotten lost
in the move.
Well, here, take this one.
All units,
310 in progress
at 250 Arroyo Grande.
Please respond.
Heh! Little help.
Help?! I help you get
the hell out of my neighborhood,
you big fat, muscle-headed load
of rat-jackal-pig-dog-waste!
You just called me a pig?
Oh, you don't like that?
Well, I don't care anymore!
I don't sleep.
My career is going
in the toilet.
My little girl can't study.
And all because
some fat, jock slob
play a little football
and block a kick!
I don't even know
what it means
to block a kick,
but if you can do it,
then any idiot can do it!
Back off.
We don't fight on this block.
Kill him, Hank!
Bill's got your back!
No, Dale.
If I hit him back,
it's a fight.
Right now, it's assault.
Ain't nobody going
to believe you, chief.
Bear, you see me hit this guy?
Yeah. L-I mean, no.
He-he tried to rob you.
Oh, you did so hit Hank.
Just look at his poor face.
A big bruise
and the words
"sallad syobwoc." Huh?
That's weird.
Looks like Willie
just hung himself.
Kahn, take a picture.
Good thinking, Hank.
Now we got evidence.
Dale, put it in
your wall safe!
Squirrel tactic!
Now, listen here.
No one else in this town
has a Super Bowl ring,
so that picture
is proof of assault.
Assault? It...
Willie can't afford
another assault charge, pardner.
That'd be totally uncool.
Then you've got two weeks
to get out of that house
and off our block.
I'm gonna need more time
than that.
The charter clearly states
that when a neighbor is deposed,
they get two weeks
to get off the block.
And that's all you're getting.
Thank you, Hank Hill.
Here.
- Yep.
- Yep.
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
In my experience, a lot of
people say they gonna hit you,
but not many actually do it.
Ripped By mstoll
- Rock on.
- Yes, hello, rock on.
Do the new neighbors
have any kids my age?
Joseph's getting too active.
I need someone to sit
around and watch TV with.
Stop it!
No more families on the block!
Look at those free weights.
That's the sign of a fit,
single woman.
She's tired of the bar scene
and is looking for a man
to share her foosball table
and beer can collection with.
Now, Bobby, if a teenager moves
into that house,
I'm counting on you to teach him
our community values.
I know there's a lot of pressure
being the Block Captain's kid,
but that was the life
you were born into.
Hey, Country Bear Jamboree!
My grandma send
me birthday check,
but it not in my mailbox.
Which one of you take it?
Why would we steal your check?
How do I know?!
Maybe your wife needs
new pitchfork.
I hope the new neighbor
isn't another Kahn.
His cracks about
Peggy are funny,
but other than that,
he's completely useless.
Here comes the new neighbor.
It is a lady!
A big lady.
It's a man.
Oh, I didn't know
this was the type of neighborhood
where guys stood
outside drinking beer.
And I'm totally psyched, man!
I'm totally psyched!
Well, you should be psyched.
You can drink in the alley
until 8:15 p.m.
It's all in the block charter
which I left in your mailbox.
Hank Hill, Block Captain.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Willie Lane.
Huh. Anybody ever tell you
that you've got the same name
as a Dallas Cowboy
backup lineman
from the 1976 to '79 seasons?
No.
Yep. "Big" Willie Lane.
Blocked a kick
to beat the 49ers.
Then was cut one year later
and moved down to Mexico
where he now wrestles animals
for tourists' pennies.
You sure about that, chief?
Whoa, that's...
that's a Super Bowl ring.
Sweet Lord,
you're Big Willie Lane!
Got dang, man.
You're even better
than a single lady.
Yay!
I like this little
chicken chest.
He's got spirit.
Yay!
Ow, my-my head.
Look at him over there, Peggy.
They never lose that nobility.
Oh, God, he's coming this way.
Just... just look casual.
Hey, Hank!
I thought you'd want
to see this.
It's the football from
the kick I blocked.
Looks just like it did on TV.
Oh, uh, Willie,
this is my wife, Peggy.
Hey...
Didn't you used to be
one of our cheerleaders?
Me? Oh, no.
But I did go to a Cowboy's game
in 1978.
Maybe you recognize me
from the stands.
Dad, I changed my mind again.
Medium rare.
Think fast, big guy.
Listen here, buddy.
You have to catch it
out in front with your hands,
not try to cradle
it into your body.
It's a little something
Billy Joe DuPree showed me.
"Billy Joe Dupree."
Way to go, Bobby.
Now, you listen to
all the pointers
this man gives you.
He was taught about
football... and life...
from the great Coach Landry.
Hey, Hank,
there's a Cowboy's game on later
if you want to come over.
Okay, yeah, that sounds great.
And you can bring the guys.
They seem pretty cool.
See, Peggy, I told you
the guys were cool.
Run, damn it, run!
No, don't go out of bounds!
Wuss!
Passion.
Halftime.
I'll grab a few brews.
And, hey, if we do this again,
would you guys mind bringing
Sam Adams instead of Alamo?
No problem. I'll just dip into
my son's college fund.
Guys, my uniform is too tight.
You think Willie
would be offended
if I took my pants off?
Got dang it, Bill,
don't screw this up.
Hey, you guys want to see
some stuff from my career?
Hank, you've seen this.
It's the football
from that kick I blocked.
Oh... and here's a picture
from that kick I blocked.
Hey, Willie,
I have something I think
you'd be interested in.
Well, who's that handsome stud?
That's you before
the weight gain.
Hey, Willie,
how'd you feel about letting me
borrow your Super Bowl ring
to wear to Ladies Night
at Shananigans tomorrow?
Bill, game room.
Now.
Can I have some more chips,
or would that be stepping
over the line, too?
Five! Four!
Three! Two! One!
We did it!
Cowboys win!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Cowboys win!
Hey, Bob, what's up, brother?
Huh. Willie specifically said,
"Come over for the game."
Boomhauer, are we
overstaying our welcome
if we watch
the post game show?
Mmm. Well... toss-up, man.
Oh, God. The post
game show's starting.
What do we do?
Well, it's our first time
at Willie's.
We don't want to come on
too strong.
Got dang,
I think that's Jethro Pugh.
As God is my witness,
if I ever get back
inside that house,
I'm never going to leave.
One good thing
about other hillbillies...
at least they all pass out
by 9:00.
This guy need to shut up
or get stronger moonshine.
Then call him to lower
music, but be nice.
Maybe when we go on vacation,
we finally have someone
to feed your stupid fish.
♪ Feel like making love
to you. ♪
Rock on.
Yes, hello, rock on.
This Kahn Souphanousinphone,
your neighbor,
and it's getting late.
Would you please lower
Bad Company?
Candy, climb on down.
I'm going to take care
of this situation.
Oh, Minh,
I think I'm getting somewhere.
Now, which one are you, pardner?
You right across the alley?
Yeah, that me.
He's coming to apologize.
That's a start.
Right on. So, your house
has the phone cord
running right by the side
of the house?
Yeah, I'm not sure why
that matter, but...
♪ Feel like making love ♪
The phone is dead.
Where my stun gun?
♪ Feel like making love
to you ♪
Oh, my gosh, it's
almost midnight.
♪ To you, and you, and you,
and you and all of you. ♪
Did you move back the curfew
in your block charter?
Because that would
be very sexy.
Well, sorry to be a tease,
but I just made
a one-time exemption.
Really? Then I want the fine
rescinded from my game night.
Well, Peggy,
the appeals process...
Oh, my God.
Kahn's hassling Willie.
Uh-oh, you in for it now,
big boy.
The Block Captain
never stand for nonsense.
Hank, he cut my phone cable.
Yeah, right.
You're... dumb.
Kahn, please tell me you're
not going to run over here
and blame Willie every time
a phone call gets disconnected.
Right on, Double-H.
Right on.
I am not lying!
Now listen,
you make my family follow
your stupid rules all the time.
So shut down this jock ball.
It's a school night.
Hey, Double-H, I'll bet
a Cowboy fan like you
would love to meet
Roger Staubach's pool cleaner.
He's in there? Now?
Well, yeah,
he's a buddy of mine.
Come on in and meet him.
Uh... I wouldn't know
what to say.
He's very easy to talk to.
Now, get on in there.
Hank, I need you!
Hank...
Block Captain.
I cannot believe
you met Roger Staubach's
pool cleaner.
Yup. We played foosball.
He's a great guy.
Just a regular guy,
I tell you what.
Hey, Hank Hill,
I gave your block charter
to Connie to take to school
for report on hypocrisy.
She get an "A,"
and teacher call you a monster.
So what kind of haircut
did the pool
cleaner have, huh?
Was he a redhead? I'm
picturing a redhead.
Willie's giving me
some blocking lessons later.
He says I'd make
a great lineman,
like he was.
My son is getting a clinic
from a Dallas Cowboy.
I've always said you had
a lot of untapped bulk.
I'm going to do a push-up!
Which one of you
sports fans wants
to give old Willie
a ride to work?
How about you, Double H?
Excuse me, guys.
Official Cowboy business.
And that's how
I blocked that kick.
That story gets better
every time you tell it.
Hey, thanks for the lift
to work.
I'm probably still legally drunk
from my party.
Yeah, uh, you know, Willie,
I've been meaning to talk to you
about that party.
Uh, I know
you haven't had a chance
to read the block charter yet,
but, uh, it did go on
a little late.
I hear you, chief.
But it's hard for me
to go to bars.
There's always one guy
who wants to prove
how tough he is
by taking on
an ex-football player.
That's why I party at home.
If I get in a fight,
at least it's with a friend.
Very responsible.
Hey, Hank,
you're a big Cowboy fan.
How would you like to buy
Deion Sander's truck?
I'll give you
the "friend's price."
Oh, wow.
Well, I-I mean, it's
a great opportunity,
but I don't really
need another truck.
Hank, thanks for the lift.
Rock on.
Rock on.
Hurry, Switzer.
You can do it.
There you go.
Uh...
Willie, I know
Kahn's a pain in the neck,
but this isn't really how
we do things around here,
and even Kahn
never walks his dog
on anybody else's lawn.
I hear you, brother.
I just lost my
head for a second.
Oh, dang.
I forgot my baggie.
I'll run home and grab one.
Come on, Switzer.
Come on, girl.
Hank, how much
longer are you going to stare
at that big pile
of dog droppings?
Not much longer.
It's only been
a couple of hours.
I'm sure he just forgot.
I guess I'll just
go pick it up myself.
Hey, Hank, Willie called me
and asked me
to give him a ride home
and to thank me, he gave me
the "friend's price"
on Cowboy legend Deion
"Prime Time" Sanders' Hyundai.
Now, help me push it
into my garage.
Dad, check out
what Willie taught me.
Now who's your daddy, huh?
Big Willie Lane!
Bobby, what are you doing?
That's cheating.
Willie says it ain't cheating
if you don't get caught.
That's not true.
Well, what the heck
happened here?
Your new pig-headed,
jock friend dug holes in my lawn.
Lawn-scape assault is
in clear violation
of article nine
of the charter.
This ends today.
Mister, you
are out of control,
and it's time you get in line.
You know, I used to think
you were a cool guy.
I can be very cool when someone
follows our neighborhood guidelines.
Now get over there
and start helping
Kahn fill those holes.
You know, Hank, you seem
to have a lot of spirit.
How would you like a pep rally?
Hey, we could make a bonfire!
No, don't...
Stop that!
All right, that does it!
So these guys started a fire
in the alley
and tore some planks
off my fence.
You do realize that
this is a felony.
Sweet Betty,
that's a Super Bowl ring!
McMurtry, get your keister
over here.
I'm Willie Lane.
It's nice to
meet you officers.
This is the guy who
blocked that kick.
Uh, Officers Brown
and McMurtry,
there's the matter
of the fire here...
Hey, let me try that Super
Bowl ring on, will you?
Last time that thing was off
was 500 beers ago.
Officers, uh, about the fire.
Willie, you didn't start
this fire, did you?
He probably did it,
and now he's trying
to pin it on me.
You guys can't possibly
believe him. The man...
Enough out of you.
Now get back inside
and stop hassling Big Willie.
Hey, if we kicked
a few footballs,
could you block 'em?
All right, you snap and kick.
Dad, can I have a
ride to the store?
Willie borrowed my bike
and seems
to have lost track of it.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
You know, for a guy who was a pro
athlete, Willie's drunk a lot.
Yeah, I know, Bobby.
Have you thought about where
we're going to move to?
I heard Tampa's nice.
We're not moving anywhere.
I got you in my sights.
I'm going to pack,
just in case.
Hank?
Kahn,
I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.
No man should have to live
to see this done to his lawn.
So I was thinking
we could work together
to get rid of Willie.
I talked to my
father-in-law last night.
He knows a guy who
will do it for 5,000.
Kahn, I'll only operate
within the confines
of state law
and the block charter.
Incoming!
You sure about this?
Because maybe we
can get hitman to throw in Gribble
as freebie.
We mow in two minutes, Kahn.
What do you think
you're doing?
Willie's sleeping
off a hangover.
That's exactly what I figured.
Kahn and I are going
to fire up our mowers
every day at 7:00 a.m.,
the earliest time for mowing
permitted in the block charter.
Eventually it'll drive
that hungover bastard
off the block.
Over Bill's bruised
and lacerated body, you will.
Lay down in front
of the mower, Bill.
Okay.
What happened to you guys?
Bill, don't you remember
when this was
the kind of neighborhood
where you could leave
your door unlocked at night,
and no one would steal
your refrigerator?
I've been keeping my food
in the tub.
And Dale, you believed
in the block charter so strongly
you signed it
with your real name.
It's the only time
I've ever done that.
Gentlemen, it is a new morning
on Rainey Street.
It's not working.
Time for Plan B.
There's a plan B?
We didn't tell you
for your own protection.
They wouldn't dare have
their basket-bottle tournament
with Deion Sanders' car
in the way.
They were going to make me dance
during halftime.
We can't play bottle donkey
with that car in our court.
Hey, Fitzy,
Tom, Tommy, Jack, Joe, Bear!
Oh, what the?
Deion's car!
Hank, your lawn!
I know, Bill, I know,
but I think Willie just tossed
his last car
on his last neighbor's lawn.
Why would I tip a car
over on my own lawn?
I don't know.
It puzzles me.
But Willie says
he didn't do it,
and we have no evidence that
proves otherwise.
Uh, Willie, this here's
Officers Collins and Winchell.
They're off duty
but came by because
they wanted to meet you.
Could we check out
that Super Bowl ring?
This little old thing?
Sure.
Hey! Let's take
a group picture.
McMurtry, grab the Polaroid.
Hey, I used to have
a camera like that.
It must have gotten lost
in the move.
Well, here, take this one.
All units,
310 in progress
at 250 Arroyo Grande.
Please respond.
Heh! Little help.
Help?! I help you get
the hell out of my neighborhood,
you big fat, muscle-headed load
of rat-jackal-pig-dog-waste!
You just called me a pig?
Oh, you don't like that?
Well, I don't care anymore!
I don't sleep.
My career is going
in the toilet.
My little girl can't study.
And all because
some fat, jock slob
play a little football
and block a kick!
I don't even know
what it means
to block a kick,
but if you can do it,
then any idiot can do it!
Back off.
We don't fight on this block.
Kill him, Hank!
Bill's got your back!
No, Dale.
If I hit him back,
it's a fight.
Right now, it's assault.
Ain't nobody going
to believe you, chief.
Bear, you see me hit this guy?
Yeah. L-I mean, no.
He-he tried to rob you.
Oh, you did so hit Hank.
Just look at his poor face.
A big bruise
and the words
"sallad syobwoc." Huh?
That's weird.
Looks like Willie
just hung himself.
Kahn, take a picture.
Good thinking, Hank.
Now we got evidence.
Dale, put it in
your wall safe!
Squirrel tactic!
Now, listen here.
No one else in this town
has a Super Bowl ring,
so that picture
is proof of assault.
Assault? It...
Willie can't afford
another assault charge, pardner.
That'd be totally uncool.
Then you've got two weeks
to get out of that house
and off our block.
I'm gonna need more time
than that.
The charter clearly states
that when a neighbor is deposed,
they get two weeks
to get off the block.
And that's all you're getting.
Thank you, Hank Hill.
Here.
- Yep.
- Yep.
- Yep.
- Mm-hmm.
In my experience, a lot of
people say they gonna hit you,
but not many actually do it.
Ripped By mstoll
- Rock on.
- Yes, hello, rock on.