King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 2 - Reborn to Be Wild - full transcript

Ripped By mstoll

Yep.

Yep.

Nancy refused to make me eggs
Benedict for breakfast again.

It's not fair.
I'm a good husband.

The ones who kill their wives
and go to Death Row

get to eat whatever they want.

People on Death Row
get to eat whatever they want?

For their last meal, yes.

Oh. I could never kill anybody.

Oh, man.



That's like with
them noise pollution

Man, like them dang
ole band Garbage, man.

Ol' lead sing kinda cute,
but, you know, look, man.

Dang it, Bobby.

I let Joseph listen
to whatever he wants.

'Course, I'm afraid of Joseph.

♪ ...Such a bad ass... ♪

Bobby.

Dad, what are you doing?

Whoa, I gotta sit down.

What in the heck
is on your head?

They're my dreads.

Aren't they cool?

♪ Uh, uh, uh... ♪



Now, I know you've
got a rule about wigs,

but this is just temporary
until I can grow my own,

just like Johnny Glockk.

Isn't that the guy
who got arrested

for setting a car on fire?

He had to, Dad...
he got dissed.

Bobby, here's the
goatee you wanted.

Thanks. Oh... what
about the black nail polish?

They were out.

You will have to
use a Sharpie.

No. The only way
you're having a black nail

is if you hit it
with a hammer.

Why are you
encouraging our son

to dress like a criminal?

Oh, he's just playing, Hank.

Gangstas and hos

is his generation's
cowboys and Indians.

That's what I'm talking about.

What's the big deal?

I was just rocking out
to my music.

If you're looking for
some entertainment,

I do have a very awesome video
that you might enjoy.

If it's the one
about Esau the Eggplant

and the prodigal cucumber, I've
seen it about a thousand times.

I hear your beef.

You're a teenager
and you're looking

for something a
little more with it.

I got your back.

Hank, I know an after-
school youth group

that would be great for Bobby.

The pastor there has done
some super work with teens.

Youth group?

Sounds kinda boring.

Sounds kinda perfect.

Some positive influence
is just what Bobby needs.

But, Dad, it's after school.

What if I want
to join a sports team?

Nice try.

He'll be there.

I can't believe you're
making me do this.

It's so uncool.

You know what's
not cool, Bobby?

Hell.

Don't forget your Bible.

What are you looking at?

Hey, there, guys.

I was just, uh...

What's with the suit?

You a lawyer, suit?

No, uh...
I-I-I don't want any trouble.

I was just looking
for... uh...

What are you looking for?

I, um...

You lost?

Lonely? Scared?

Yes!

Well, then you came

to the right place.

Look, K's dropping in
for a Double Ore-Ida.

Praise Him!

That was awesome.

Thanks, but not
as awesome as Jesus.

You guys are
the Christian youth group?

Pastor K.

Stroup said she was
sending over a kid

who likes to rock out. That you?

Yeah.

Welcome to the flock.

Word to our Father.

Hosanna to the highest.

See, check out what this lucky
bastard got for his last meal.

Prisoner number 88725.

Six pieces of fried chicken,
six rolls, tin roof ice cream,

strawberry soda and lemon pie.

Oh, that sounds good.

That's what I want.

How about this guy?

One dozen fried eggs,
one loaf of bread,

a bowl of salad dressing,
French fries

and three cartons of milk.

Oh, no.

That's what I want.

If it were me, I'd choose
the world's rarest truffle.

Then, while they
were searching for it,

I'd tunnel my way to freedom.

'Course then I'd miss eating
the world's rarest truffle.

Quite the quandary.

I'll tell you what, man.

Talking bout I'd go out
in dang old style, man.

You know, talking bout dang
ole rack of lamb, you know,

and a little ole foie gras.

Dang ol' dinner is served.

Sorry I'm late.

The Weather Channel's got

some pretty exciting stuff
going on in Missouri.

I felt like walking home.

You know, enjoy
this glorious day.

So, uh, you have a good time?

Yes, it was the best.

I met some great guys,

and I asked them
to come over later,

if that's okay?

Well, of course it's okay.

I'll even set up
the tether ball.

Thanks for making me go, Dad.

My son just thanked me
for taking him to church.

Yes, I switched.

Do not start.

Possum.

What the?

What are you guys doing
to that garbage can?

That is not its intended use.

Hey, guys!

Bobby, don't get too close.

What are you talking about?

These are my friends
from the youth group.

They're cool,
and they're totally Christian.

Hey, check this out.
All right.

Yeah.

I... I don't understand.

Hey, dude, I'm up.

Can you hold my Bible?

Uh...

You don't have
to just hold it.

You could read it, you know.

Don't tell me to read the Bible.

Praise Him!

Praise Him!

Can you believe the way
that kid was sassing me?

I was reading the Bible

before that little
punk was born.

Maybe it's just me,

but I'd rather Bobby
be in a Christian gang

than one of those
murdering gangs.

Well, maybe you're right.

Wait, I-I think
that one is smoking.

Oh, no, he's praying.

Thanks for having me

over for dinner.

Mine was a disaster.

I thought hot dogs
never went bad.

Would anybody mind
if I said grace tonight?

Sure, Bobby.

I want to give a shout-out

to the man who
makes it all happen.

Props be to you
for this most bountiful meal

that sits before us.

Okay, check it.

God, you've got skills.

You represent

in these vegetables
and in this napkin

and in the dirt
that grows the grain

that makes
the garlic bread sticks

that are on this table today,
yes, yes.

Okay, Bobby.

God appreciates the support,

but I'm sure He wouldn't want
the pot roast to get cold.

Now, let's wrap it up.

Sure thing.

Thanks, J-Man. Peace.

What up, James?

Peace be with you, Brad.

Hey, Bobby, check it out.

Righteous!

You should see Pastor K's ride.

He's got the Resurrection

airbrushed
on the back of his Jeep.

Hey, brothers, gather 'round.

Time to feel the Word.

Welcome, everybody.

Trent, you got our
verse of the day?

"Test all things.

Hold fast what is good."

Thessalonians 5:21.

Nice job, brother.

That verse was running
through my spirit

when I went
rock climbing last weekend.

To be tight with the Lord,

you got to take your faith
to the limit.

You know what
I'm talking about?

The power!

That's right.

Nothing runs without power.

I mean, your amp is worthless
unless it gets that juice.

And so are we.

So you got to find
a way to plug in.

Test all things
to find the good.

But how do you know what's good?

It's whatever sticks
to your spirit, man.

Whatever God
tattoos on your soul.

We're all searching
for that eternal ink.

All right, let us pray.

And don't forget to say
a little something for Charlie

who's at home with a wicked
nose ring infection.

What in?

Oh, I thought
he had it that time.

I don't know what to make of
this youth group of Bobby's.

Last night he broke curfew,

but he was up
reading the Bible.

What do you do with that?

Maybe you should punish
him Old Testament style.

A religious boy like Bobby
would appreciate the irony.

Bobby, take that off.

You can't wear
a T-shirt

with that word on it.

Such vulgarity.

Wait, which word, Hank...
Satan or sucks?

Well... either.

Why not, Dad?

Satan does suck.

I know, but...

He's right, Hank.

What does your shirt
say, "Satan Rules"?

So I was thinking.

Why do criminals get
to have all the good food

and we get nothing?

Bill, you pay taxes,
aren't you outraged?

Yes, I am!

You know what?

We should have
our own last meals.

Hey man, talkin' 'bout
let's go over my place, man.

It'd be just like a dang ol'
breakfast club, man,

'cept we're going for dinner
instead, you know, like,

like, got no Judd
Nelson either, man.

There you go!

The first meeting
of the Last Meal Club

convenes at Boomhauer's!

I love it when we do things!

And then Cain was all like,

"I ain't supposed to be
looking out for my bro, yo."

I didn't know
that was in Genesis.

Bobby, you are so good
at this.

I owe it all
to my Extreme Teen Bible.

And Pastor K.

He wrote a 22-minute song
about the Disciples.

And if he can remember
all the words,

he's going to play it
at Messiah Fest.

Wow, Messiah Fest!

Are you going to go?

Uh, I don't know
if Dad'll let me.

It'll take a miracle

to make him come around,

but I guess that's what
the Bible is all about.

Can I get
a what-what?

Yeah.

Hear the Word.

Rejoice.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

What were you doing
there, brother?

Sorry, I was just
feeling the spirit.

No, man, it works.

That's just what I need to help
spread the fire at Messiah Fest.

How'd you feel
about backing me up?

On stage?

Relax, brother.

Listen, when I get
nervous before a gig,

I just look at this.

Cool.

Hey, Dad, what do you
think of this?

Well, Bobby, it's,
uh, so, uh...

What am I looking at?

It's my tattoo.

No got dang way.

Dad, it's okay.

This is what you do now

when you want to give
mad respect to the Lord.

The Lord has been
getting mad respect

since the beginning of time.

He doesn't need you
defacing your body.

But...

No son of mine
is getting a tattoo.

End of discussion.

Hey, I know what this is.

It's a test.

Like with Job.

You rascal!

You know that comedian's joke

about how you always get
the cart with a wobbly wheel?

It's so true.

I love that comedian.

Hmm, I still not sure.

Hey, hillbillies.

Why so much in cart?

Food stamps expire today?

No.

We're cooking our last meals.

Why should you have
to kill somebody

just to get some
decent food around here?

Bah, you wouldn't know...

Hey, is that filo dough?

Talkin' 'bout spana-dang
ol' kopita man.

Hmm, the quest
for the perfect meal.

Of course it must
start with shrimp.

Dead man eating...
shrimp!

Why didn't Jesus catch me?

He has a plan for you.

The Miller Flip
just isn't part of it yet.

Are you Pastor K?

Yeah, brother.

I'm Bobby Hill's father,

and I want to talk to you
about this garbage

you're teaching my boy.

Well, hold up.

You don't want me teaching
your son about God?

Well, that part's fine.

It's the other junk.

The obscene clothing,
the tattoos...

Dude, you don't have to act

or dress a certain
way for God.

You can hang with Him
anyway, anywhere.

Don't you think Jesus is right
here on this half pipe?

I'm sure He's a lot of places
He doesn't want to be.

What's more important...

that Bobby's a Christian or
that he has a proper haircut?

I'm not giving up on either.

Now stay away from my boy.

Pharaoh's on our tail, Mom.

My strength is low.

I need some milk and honey.

That's enough.

This whole thing

stops now.

You're getting rid
of all this stuff

and you're going to church

in a suit and tie
like we've always done.

But Pastor K says...

And you can forget
about that Pastor K.

Woo! I am out of Egypt!

And look at Moses dance!

Peggy, this is serious.

Oh, Hank, you are overreacting.

These are good Christian kids
having good Christian fun.

You think this is fun?

He looks like a burglar.

What?

What's that in your ear?

My testimonial.

No. Uh-uh.
That's an earring.

You're grounded, mister.

But Messiah Fest
is this afternoon.

I'm Pastor K's backup guy.

Mom?

I was on board with
baptizing Ladybird,

but how could you destroy

those perfect little
ears I gave you?

Hand it over.

You guys just don't understand
how I feel about Jesus!

Messiah Fest.

When I was young,

you went to rock and roll
concerts on Saturday night

and asked for forgiveness
on Sunday.

Now it's all mixed together.

I don't know, Hank.

Something about scraping off
that bumper sticker

seems a little sacrilegious.

Bobby loves God,
you worship the devil.

Dinners must be tense.

This has nothing to do
with religion.

I've always been
against vandalism,

be it on my bumper
or in my son's ear.

I'm just setting things right.

Now I'm going to finish
the job in Bobby's room.

How many Footprints
posters does a kid need?

Bobby?

Ah, damn, his Bible's gone.

Praise him! Praise him!

Pastor K, what do you think?

Sharp.

Well, I better go now.

One of the bands
asked me to leave

before I give
them impure thoughts.

Hey, K, dig the chain. New?

Yeah. Thanks, Pop.

That was your dad?

Yeah, he's a roadie
for The A-Men.

They've been
spreading the word

across North America
all summer.

So, you ready to rock?

Let's do it.

♪ W-W-W-Want a What a burger,
I'm all out of dough ♪

♪ It's okay,
it's okay 'cause I know ♪

♪ God will provide,
He'll provide for us all ♪

♪ Might not get a large fry,
but we'll always get a small. ♪

Oh, it all smells so good.

I bet bonny Prince Charles

eats like this every night.

I would be proud to make this
sumptuous banquet my last meal.

Bon appetit!

Remember, after this, the
next flavor in your mouth

will be the sour taste of death.

Oh...

No, no.

Well, some, dang ol'...
dang ol' dig in, man.

Uh, here, Bill,
let me serve you.

But I don't want to die!

Got dang, man, talkin' bout
dang ol' superstitions, man.

Pass me that dang ol' salt, man,

I'm gonna throw a little bit of
that crap over my shoulder, man.

Yeah, uh, I had a big lunch
that, uh, didn't tempt fate.

Oh, coming!
Yeah, you hear that?

Minh call me.

Whoa.

Save yourselves!

Yeah, but... don't...
don't leave me alone!

I eat when I'm scared!

Mm, shrimp.

Let's make some noise!

I say Holy,

you say Ghost.

- Holy!
- Ghost!

Holy!

Ghost!

♪ The Lord is my Shepherd ♪

♪ I shall not want ♪

♪ He makes me lie down
in green pastures ♪

They're green, y'all!

♪ He leads me beside
the still waters ♪

♪ He restores my soul ♪

Aw-yeah!

Amen!

Dad, we're in the middle
of the show!

Well, I hope you enjoyed it,

'cause it's the last time
you're leaving your room

until you graduate.

Now, let's go.

Hey, what's up?
We still have another set.

I'm taking my son home.

I can't believe you, Dad.

You're embarrassing me
in front of the pastor!

Mr. Hill, you just don't get it.

This is how we testify.

♪♪ Praise him! ♪♪

Can't you see you're not making
Christianity better?

You're just making
rock and roll worse.

You people are all the same.

You look at us
and think we're freaks.

Come on,
even Jesus had long hair.

Only because I wasn't his dad.

Is there a problem here, K?

Yeah, Pop.

This dude
won't let Bobby praise J.C.

And he's ruining my show.

Look, I just want my son

back in regular church

obeying his normal parents
and acting right.

See, Pop,
he's holding him back.

What're you doing, Kevin?

You forgot Number Five.

Huh?

Never come between
a kid and his dad.

If the man doesn't want his boy
praising like you, it's cool.

Yeah, but...
Now go finish your show

before they start
mashing out of anger

instead of jubilation.

Fine.

Sorry about that, friend.

Oh, that's okay.

I got to admit, when you first
walked up I didn't think

you and I were going to be
on the same page.

I feel where
you're coming from.

Teenagers.

Amen.

Let's go, Bobby.

You can give me the
stink eye all you want,

but it's not going
to change anything.

Fine.
But when I'm 18,

I'm going to do
whatever I want for the Lord.

Tattoos, piercings, the works.

Well, I'll take that chance.

Come here, there's
something I want to show you.

Remember this?

My Bean Bag Buddy?

Oh, man, I can't believe
I collected those things.

They're so lame.

You didn't think so
five years ago.

And how about
your virtual pet?

You used to carry
this thing everywhere.

Then you got tired of it,

forgot to feed
it, and it died.

I look like such a dork.

I know how you feel.

I never thought that
Members Only jacket

would go out of style.

But it did.

I know you think that stuff
you're doing now is cool,

but in a few years you're
gonna think it's lame.

And I don't want the, uh,

Lord to, uh, you know,
end up in this box.

I got you, Dad.

Hey, what's this picture?

Mom used to have blond hair?

Farrah Fawcett
was very popular back then.

Ripped By mstoll