King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 21 - The Redneck on Rainey Street - full transcript
After Connie becomes a victim of reverse discrimination, Kahn gives up his hopes and dreams and embraces the life of a hillbilly.
Ripped By mstoll
I detect activity at the place
Luanne used to rent
before she re-barnacled herself
to Hank's house.
She sure is wearing
a lot of jewelry
for the middle of the day.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'm Abbie Holiday,
with Holiday and Sands Realty.
You are so lucky
to be living here.
This whole neighborhood
is red-hot.
You've got great curb appeal...
especially that gem.
Who lives in that charmer?
I do.
Well, if y'all decide
to sell, call me.
Rainey Street is hot.
Ah, here she is now,
our Rice University
summer school superstar.
Dad, I haven't made it
into the program yet.
I just had the interview.
Of course, you're in.
You have perfect grades,
all the right extracurriculars,
and you've wasted countless
hours volunteering.
Here, put this on.
16% cotton for 100% genius.
Did we hear from summer school
today? Huh?
"Regret"...
"not"...
"unfortunately."
It's all right, Dad.
This summer, I'll
just study for fun.
You say no. I say yes!
There were many
highly qualified applicants
and unfortunately...
Connie has best
grades in school.
Yes, but it's not
just about grades.
I know that
Connie also have
more extracurriculars
than anyone else.
Look, Connie's
a really smart Asian girl,
but I've got
a boatload of them,
pardon the expression.
She's not black.
She's not Hispanic
or even white.
I mean, good Lord, give me a
white kid from a public school
with Connie's specs, and that
kid could waltz in here.
You telling me
Connie didn't get in
because she's
an overachieving Asian?
That's discrimination!
In a way, it's
flattering, isn't it?
Hey, maybe there's something
that you left off
of Connie's application.
You know, some kind of "hook."
Has Connie ever had
to play that violin of hers
on the street, you know,
to buy her strung-out
mother just one more hit?
No.
Well, that could have helped.
Ted!
I looked for you
at the Buddhist temple.
Oh, hello, Kahn.
We're Episcopal now.
It's just good business.
Oh, there's the mayor.
Your boy must be very upset
about Rice
summer school rejection.
What are you talking about?
Chane got in, and he's got
a super-low lottery number
for the best dorm.
Air conditioned.
How can this be?
Chane is just as
Asian as Connie
and, no offense, he's,
well, you know...
Accepted.
Look, if you want Connie
to get into Rice,
just give them
a $10,000 donation.
Call my office.
Trudy will give you
the contact information.
Oh, Councilman Ebberd!
Crunch numbers harder.
It's no use.
We don't have $10,000
to buy our way
out of being Asian.
I should be more
like Ted Wassanasong!
Own my own business.
But I am just
a middle-management ox
plodding in the poop
of the beast in front of me,
and no matter how hard I work
or how hard Connie studies,
we all just stuck here.
We the kind of losers
politicians pander
to in speeches.
It's so exciting
living in an up-and-
coming neighborhood.
I wonder where they'll
put the Starbucks.
So now that our neighborhood
has been declared hot,
what street should we
look down on? Bagley?
No, Apple Blossom.
Apple Blossom is crap.
Yup.
If you like traffic, enjoy.
We got plenty of it.
Hello? Oh, yes, sir.
No, I filed my TPS report
yesterday.
Yes, sir, I be there right away.
Looks like you could
use a new mirror.
I got a buddy who could
hook you up if you want.
No, I member of Silver Star
Service team at dealer.
VIP shuttle, free Wall Street
Journal. Thanks anyway.
Well, if you want to be a Silver
Star chump, suit yourself.
That free newspaper's
gonna cost you 700 bucks
by the time the dealer
marks up the mirror.
Okay, thanks for everything,
but I gotta take this call.
Sounds like them "gottas"
got you by the shorties.
Hello? Oh, naw, just
a little car trouble.
I'm just running
a little late, but to be fair,
you know, I have been early
for the last 548
business days in a row...
Dock my pay. Yes, sir.
Very good.
Dang, man, I been in jails
that gave me more
freedom than you got.
Yeah, but what you gonna do?
Whatever I damn want,
whenever I damn want,
with whoever I damn want.
Boy, you say "damn" a lot.
Hell, yeah.
Listen, friend, I used
to be just like you.
I was the monkey
in that cage right there,
Now, I don't take
no mess from nobody
'cause I'm a man.
My own man. Elvin Mackleston.
Take a good look
at yourself, friend.
Are you rocking
in the free world?
Are you?
Go to hell!
Let's get you that new mirror.
Damn straight.
Uh, if you're looking
for the package store,
it's down Garland Road
past the spillway.
Whoo-whee!
Kahn, what are you doing
in an El Camino?
Test driving this baby.
That one sweet ride,
I tell you what.
Not often your new mirror can be
attached to a damn El Camino.
Damn straight.
Hey, what do you say?
I want it bad.
Well, all right. Dobber!
You got a primo
El Camino and cash money
for your old car.
This is your damn lucky day.
After Dobber and me
break your rig down for parts,
we're going to do
a little celebratin'...
on you, money bags.
I know what you're thinking.
Why not an IROC?
Why not a "Z" car?
But like Elvin points out,
those are just cars.
A Camino... is a way of life.
It'll haul anything:
Rebar, copper pipe.
Hell, you hit a deer, he'll
just flip over into the back.
You don't even need to stop.
I had you rednecks all wrong.
I'm going hang
out in the alley
and spend my welfare checks on
beer like you guys,
be my own man.
Kahn!
Minh doesn't know the drill yet.
Huh.
You want to be a redneck?
That's not even possible.
Kahn, I upset
about Connie, too,
but you have
to snap out of it.
Your boss calls
three times today.
You gonna get fired.
I got a new boss,
and I love him: Me!
Minh, don't you see?
There's a paradise out there
where nobody works,
nobody cares,
nobody have plans or dreams
that can be crushed.
Oh, I don't know, Kahn.
Sounds crazy.
Come on, Minh,
let's just give up.
Hmm.
I'd never have to read
another Toni Morrison book
for book club, or...
or write another check to NPR!
Oh...
but what about Connie?
Don't you see?
This is for Connie,
so she don't waste half her life
losing at their rigged game.
What do you say, Minh?
Will you be my redneck bride?
Oh, yes, Kahn, I will.
Now take me in the
back of that El Camino.
♪ Honey, don't walk out ♪
♪ I'm too drunk to follow ♪
♪ I know you won't feel ♪
♪ This way tomorrow ♪
♪ A little rough
around the edges ♪
♪ Inside, a little hollow ♪
♪ I face down some things ♪
♪ That are so hard to swallow ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I was born a rebel ♪
♪ Down in Dixie ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ On a Sunday morning ♪
♪ Yeah, with one foot
in the grave ♪
♪ And one foot on the pedal ♪
♪ I was born a rebel... ♪
Yee-haw!
Go figure.
He's been pushing Connie
all these years,
and he's the one that broke.
Let that be a lesson
to you, Dad.
Yep, he is really losing it.
I saw him this morning,
and he's growing a wispy mustache.
He's got the coolest
car-truck,
and he's got a laundry machine
in his yard
for stray dogs
to have puppies in.
It's the weekend.
Time to party.
Elvin and the gang are going
cat fisting down at the lake.
Come on with your Daddy
and have some fun.
Uh, it's only Wednesday,
and I've got to study.
Did you say cat fisting?
Most definitely.
The first step in cat fisting
is to reach in and
get you a big handful of stink-bait.
P.U. What's in this stink-bait?
Well, you got your ground liver,
blood, vinegar,
Alpo and my secret ingredient
that makes it stink.
When you feel their whiskers
on your knuckles,
start fisting.
Hey, baby, look what I got
for you!
That's great, honey.
Look at that son of a bitch
wriggle!
And then my parents made me
quit practicing my concerto
to play "The Devil Went
Down to Georgia."
Sounds to me like
you're living the life:
Fried food, no studying,
the TV's always on...
It's horrible, but hopefully,
it'll be over soon.
My dad said he was going to go
to the office today.
Connie!
Look at this mother file cabinet
they throwing out at the office!
Your dad is white trash.
What are you doing?!
Knocking $15,000
off the sale price.
I can't move this house
with that pigsty next door.
Get out while you can, honey.
♪ 'Cause I'm as free
as a bird now... ♪
You know, I like "Free Bird"
as much as the next guy,
but enough is enough.
This has got to stop, Hank.
Abbie Holiday said
that Kahn is turning Rainey Street
into another Belcher's Grove.
I didn't keep
novelty mailboxes
out of this neighborhood
just to see this happen.
♪ And this bird
you cannot change... ♪
Who the hell you
think you are?
Hank Hill, homeowner.
Hey, Kahn, I caught this guy
trying to steal your valuables.
I was not.
Hank, you want a
puffy toilet seat,
all you got to do is ask.
Kahn, I'm worried
about you and...
You want me to have Mud Dobber
rough this clown up?
You so much as touch
my husband,
I will knock you
into next week.
That's real nice, buddy.
Hiding behind Mommy's skirt.
I am not hiding.
I was just about
to threaten you myself.
Come on, Kahn,
let's get out of here.
I got a case of beer
that needs drinkin'.
Minh, talk some sense
into Kahn.
You're the one who's crazy.
We're going to
the street races.
Mud Dobber just put a new Adelbrock
manifold on his Malibu.
Connie, last chance
to change your mind
and come with.
You don't want to miss
that new Adelbrock.
It's loud!
Uh, that's okay.
I'm just going to stay home.
You're not spending all night
at home by yourself.
You stay with the Hills.
Well, then, we'll just have us
a nice sleepover, shall we?
Connie, do you have some pajamas
you can wear?
Yes, Mrs. Hill.
Bobby, why don't you go
with Connie?
Oh, that poor girl.
Ah, don't worry.
Kahn and Minh'll sober up
and snap out of it.
They're too arrogant
to live this way for long.
I hope you're right, Hank.
Mr. And Mrs. Hill,
I think there may be a solution
to our problem.
See, Peggy, what'd I tell you?
I just heard
from Southwest Mortgage.
They're starting
foreclosure proceedings
on the Souphanousinphones.
They've only missed
one payment,
but since they let their house
go to... uh, this,
the bank's not going
to cut them any slack.
You mean Kahn and
Minh are going to lose their home?
With any luck, they'll be
out of here in ten working days.
I got my pajamas.
I'd like to whop
that neighbor of yours
upside the head
and feed bad meat to his dog.
You ought to get yourself
a place here
in Belcher's Grove
where decent people live.
Hmm, I'm going to think
real hard on that.
Come with me, honey.
Elvin caught a mess
of squirrels today.
I'll show you how
to de-bone 'em.
Squirrels?
Yeah, Lucky...
why they call you Lucky?
True story.
I was at Costco one day,
and all of the sudden,
the nature called.
Yelled is more like it.
So I high-tail it
into the john,
and there's
some "sensitive" guy
changing his little
boy's diapers
on one of them baby
ironing boards.
And don't you know
I slipped on pee pee
and broke two vertebrae
which had to be fused together.
I'm in constant pain,
but by God,
I got me a $53,000 settlement.
This son of a bitch
is never going to have to work
another day in his life.
That's why they call me Lucky.
That's why they
That's a great story. Ucky.
Hey, y'all hear the
new Trace Adkins come out today?
Damn, let's get it.
Hell, it's after midnight.
Record store's closed.
I'll tell you
what's going to open it.
Me and a damn brick.
Whoo!
Yee-haw!
All right,
who's got a brick?
Let me do it!
Well, all right.
Have at it, Kahn.
Kahn, put that rock down!
It's Trace Adkin's new CD,
woman.
I ate a squirrel quesadilla,
but this is where
I draw the line.
Rock go through window,
I go home.
Aw, hell, this is ridiculous.
I warned you, Kahn.
I'm not going to watch you
go to jail.
Let's get the
hell out of here!
♪ You're doing all you can... ♪
I tell you right now,
this is the single.
I notice your woman didn't
stand by you tonight.
You ask me, she made a
damn fool out of you.
She took your El Camino and your two
little teeny tiny marbles with her.
Oh, you want to see my marbles?
I'll show you my marbles.
You want to go? Let's go! Ha!
We fight.
That was good. Real good.
Stickin'?
Stickin'.
Kahn...
I'm a' takin' you stickin'.
What's stickin'?
It's Minh. She's alone.
I'll go over and talk to her.
You give Connie a math problem
to keep her busy.
Where's Kahn? I need to talk
to both of you.
He's with his redneck friends.
You're about to lose
your house, Minh.
What are you talking about?
The bank's going
to foreclose on you.
Oh, my God.
I... I don't know
what happened.
We were having so much fun
being free and irresponsible,
I-I guess we just forgot
where our mortgage coupon was.
And our electric bill.
Oh, what did we do?
Poor Connie.
Her parents drunk.
We nearly homeless.
Her father abandon her.
I'm not going to let
Connie be homeless.
I'm going to find Kahn.
Now, you start paying
some bills.
Hill.
Hey, Hank. Buck Strickland here.
Yeah, I'm thinkin' about bettin'
a fistful of money
on that little Asian neighbor
of yours.
Kahn?
Aw, yeah, yeah,
he looks like he's got
real crafty Ninja moves, but can
he take a board to the head?
Where are you, sir?!
At the stick fights
down behind the lumberyard.
Kahn's on the card,
three fights from now.
He's up against
a soft-spoken gorilla man.
Good lord!
Yeah! Hit him with
a damn stick!
Winner. Next.
Oh, no!
All money down,
and commence fightin'.
Wait!
You come to get your
whoopin', Hank Hill?
I came to talk some sense
into you, Kahn.
Uh-uh, beat some
sense into him, Hank!
I bet on the simpleton.
You're about to throw away
everything
you ever worked for, Kahn.
You're about to lose
your dang house.
Everything already been
taken away.
Hit him, four eyes!
They're talking about you.
Come on, swing. Take me out.
Stop feeling sorry
for yourself
and start thinking
about Connie.
You want her growing up
in the back of an El Camino?
Well, what choice do I have?
We flee horrible dictatorships,
learn a new language
and then work hard
and study hard.
And our reward
for doing everything right
is to be told, "Go to hell!
You work too hard.
You study too hard."
Yeah, you got a real bum deal,
but maybe you could take
a lesson from Connie
instead of these apes.
Even when you and Minh went
off the deep end,
Connie never complained
and she never stopped trying.
You couldn't drag
that little girl
down into the muck with you.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Connie like a beautiful lotus
growing out of the muck.
That's her hook!
Well, I'm glad
I got through to you.
You wuss!
Shut up and run, Hank!
I got to get my daughter
into summer school.
I don't care who.
Somebody's gettin' hit
with a stick.
Young lady, you should know
Stanford's summer school admissions
deadline has passed.
I'm sorry my application
was tardy.
It's been a hectic time for me.
My parents don't work.
We nearly lost our home.
My Dad abandoned us for awhile,
and he was nearly killed
with a 2x4.
That's him.
Hmm.
You've overcome so much.
Welcome aboard.
Ripped By mstoll
I detect activity at the place
Luanne used to rent
before she re-barnacled herself
to Hank's house.
She sure is wearing
a lot of jewelry
for the middle of the day.
Hello, gentlemen.
I'm Abbie Holiday,
with Holiday and Sands Realty.
You are so lucky
to be living here.
This whole neighborhood
is red-hot.
You've got great curb appeal...
especially that gem.
Who lives in that charmer?
I do.
Well, if y'all decide
to sell, call me.
Rainey Street is hot.
Ah, here she is now,
our Rice University
summer school superstar.
Dad, I haven't made it
into the program yet.
I just had the interview.
Of course, you're in.
You have perfect grades,
all the right extracurriculars,
and you've wasted countless
hours volunteering.
Here, put this on.
16% cotton for 100% genius.
Did we hear from summer school
today? Huh?
"Regret"...
"not"...
"unfortunately."
It's all right, Dad.
This summer, I'll
just study for fun.
You say no. I say yes!
There were many
highly qualified applicants
and unfortunately...
Connie has best
grades in school.
Yes, but it's not
just about grades.
I know that
Connie also have
more extracurriculars
than anyone else.
Look, Connie's
a really smart Asian girl,
but I've got
a boatload of them,
pardon the expression.
She's not black.
She's not Hispanic
or even white.
I mean, good Lord, give me a
white kid from a public school
with Connie's specs, and that
kid could waltz in here.
You telling me
Connie didn't get in
because she's
an overachieving Asian?
That's discrimination!
In a way, it's
flattering, isn't it?
Hey, maybe there's something
that you left off
of Connie's application.
You know, some kind of "hook."
Has Connie ever had
to play that violin of hers
on the street, you know,
to buy her strung-out
mother just one more hit?
No.
Well, that could have helped.
Ted!
I looked for you
at the Buddhist temple.
Oh, hello, Kahn.
We're Episcopal now.
It's just good business.
Oh, there's the mayor.
Your boy must be very upset
about Rice
summer school rejection.
What are you talking about?
Chane got in, and he's got
a super-low lottery number
for the best dorm.
Air conditioned.
How can this be?
Chane is just as
Asian as Connie
and, no offense, he's,
well, you know...
Accepted.
Look, if you want Connie
to get into Rice,
just give them
a $10,000 donation.
Call my office.
Trudy will give you
the contact information.
Oh, Councilman Ebberd!
Crunch numbers harder.
It's no use.
We don't have $10,000
to buy our way
out of being Asian.
I should be more
like Ted Wassanasong!
Own my own business.
But I am just
a middle-management ox
plodding in the poop
of the beast in front of me,
and no matter how hard I work
or how hard Connie studies,
we all just stuck here.
We the kind of losers
politicians pander
to in speeches.
It's so exciting
living in an up-and-
coming neighborhood.
I wonder where they'll
put the Starbucks.
So now that our neighborhood
has been declared hot,
what street should we
look down on? Bagley?
No, Apple Blossom.
Apple Blossom is crap.
Yup.
If you like traffic, enjoy.
We got plenty of it.
Hello? Oh, yes, sir.
No, I filed my TPS report
yesterday.
Yes, sir, I be there right away.
Looks like you could
use a new mirror.
I got a buddy who could
hook you up if you want.
No, I member of Silver Star
Service team at dealer.
VIP shuttle, free Wall Street
Journal. Thanks anyway.
Well, if you want to be a Silver
Star chump, suit yourself.
That free newspaper's
gonna cost you 700 bucks
by the time the dealer
marks up the mirror.
Okay, thanks for everything,
but I gotta take this call.
Sounds like them "gottas"
got you by the shorties.
Hello? Oh, naw, just
a little car trouble.
I'm just running
a little late, but to be fair,
you know, I have been early
for the last 548
business days in a row...
Dock my pay. Yes, sir.
Very good.
Dang, man, I been in jails
that gave me more
freedom than you got.
Yeah, but what you gonna do?
Whatever I damn want,
whenever I damn want,
with whoever I damn want.
Boy, you say "damn" a lot.
Hell, yeah.
Listen, friend, I used
to be just like you.
I was the monkey
in that cage right there,
Now, I don't take
no mess from nobody
'cause I'm a man.
My own man. Elvin Mackleston.
Take a good look
at yourself, friend.
Are you rocking
in the free world?
Are you?
Go to hell!
Let's get you that new mirror.
Damn straight.
Uh, if you're looking
for the package store,
it's down Garland Road
past the spillway.
Whoo-whee!
Kahn, what are you doing
in an El Camino?
Test driving this baby.
That one sweet ride,
I tell you what.
Not often your new mirror can be
attached to a damn El Camino.
Damn straight.
Hey, what do you say?
I want it bad.
Well, all right. Dobber!
You got a primo
El Camino and cash money
for your old car.
This is your damn lucky day.
After Dobber and me
break your rig down for parts,
we're going to do
a little celebratin'...
on you, money bags.
I know what you're thinking.
Why not an IROC?
Why not a "Z" car?
But like Elvin points out,
those are just cars.
A Camino... is a way of life.
It'll haul anything:
Rebar, copper pipe.
Hell, you hit a deer, he'll
just flip over into the back.
You don't even need to stop.
I had you rednecks all wrong.
I'm going hang
out in the alley
and spend my welfare checks on
beer like you guys,
be my own man.
Kahn!
Minh doesn't know the drill yet.
Huh.
You want to be a redneck?
That's not even possible.
Kahn, I upset
about Connie, too,
but you have
to snap out of it.
Your boss calls
three times today.
You gonna get fired.
I got a new boss,
and I love him: Me!
Minh, don't you see?
There's a paradise out there
where nobody works,
nobody cares,
nobody have plans or dreams
that can be crushed.
Oh, I don't know, Kahn.
Sounds crazy.
Come on, Minh,
let's just give up.
Hmm.
I'd never have to read
another Toni Morrison book
for book club, or...
or write another check to NPR!
Oh...
but what about Connie?
Don't you see?
This is for Connie,
so she don't waste half her life
losing at their rigged game.
What do you say, Minh?
Will you be my redneck bride?
Oh, yes, Kahn, I will.
Now take me in the
back of that El Camino.
♪ Honey, don't walk out ♪
♪ I'm too drunk to follow ♪
♪ I know you won't feel ♪
♪ This way tomorrow ♪
♪ A little rough
around the edges ♪
♪ Inside, a little hollow ♪
♪ I face down some things ♪
♪ That are so hard to swallow ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I was born a rebel ♪
♪ Down in Dixie ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ On a Sunday morning ♪
♪ Yeah, with one foot
in the grave ♪
♪ And one foot on the pedal ♪
♪ I was born a rebel... ♪
Yee-haw!
Go figure.
He's been pushing Connie
all these years,
and he's the one that broke.
Let that be a lesson
to you, Dad.
Yep, he is really losing it.
I saw him this morning,
and he's growing a wispy mustache.
He's got the coolest
car-truck,
and he's got a laundry machine
in his yard
for stray dogs
to have puppies in.
It's the weekend.
Time to party.
Elvin and the gang are going
cat fisting down at the lake.
Come on with your Daddy
and have some fun.
Uh, it's only Wednesday,
and I've got to study.
Did you say cat fisting?
Most definitely.
The first step in cat fisting
is to reach in and
get you a big handful of stink-bait.
P.U. What's in this stink-bait?
Well, you got your ground liver,
blood, vinegar,
Alpo and my secret ingredient
that makes it stink.
When you feel their whiskers
on your knuckles,
start fisting.
Hey, baby, look what I got
for you!
That's great, honey.
Look at that son of a bitch
wriggle!
And then my parents made me
quit practicing my concerto
to play "The Devil Went
Down to Georgia."
Sounds to me like
you're living the life:
Fried food, no studying,
the TV's always on...
It's horrible, but hopefully,
it'll be over soon.
My dad said he was going to go
to the office today.
Connie!
Look at this mother file cabinet
they throwing out at the office!
Your dad is white trash.
What are you doing?!
Knocking $15,000
off the sale price.
I can't move this house
with that pigsty next door.
Get out while you can, honey.
♪ 'Cause I'm as free
as a bird now... ♪
You know, I like "Free Bird"
as much as the next guy,
but enough is enough.
This has got to stop, Hank.
Abbie Holiday said
that Kahn is turning Rainey Street
into another Belcher's Grove.
I didn't keep
novelty mailboxes
out of this neighborhood
just to see this happen.
♪ And this bird
you cannot change... ♪
Who the hell you
think you are?
Hank Hill, homeowner.
Hey, Kahn, I caught this guy
trying to steal your valuables.
I was not.
Hank, you want a
puffy toilet seat,
all you got to do is ask.
Kahn, I'm worried
about you and...
You want me to have Mud Dobber
rough this clown up?
You so much as touch
my husband,
I will knock you
into next week.
That's real nice, buddy.
Hiding behind Mommy's skirt.
I am not hiding.
I was just about
to threaten you myself.
Come on, Kahn,
let's get out of here.
I got a case of beer
that needs drinkin'.
Minh, talk some sense
into Kahn.
You're the one who's crazy.
We're going to
the street races.
Mud Dobber just put a new Adelbrock
manifold on his Malibu.
Connie, last chance
to change your mind
and come with.
You don't want to miss
that new Adelbrock.
It's loud!
Uh, that's okay.
I'm just going to stay home.
You're not spending all night
at home by yourself.
You stay with the Hills.
Well, then, we'll just have us
a nice sleepover, shall we?
Connie, do you have some pajamas
you can wear?
Yes, Mrs. Hill.
Bobby, why don't you go
with Connie?
Oh, that poor girl.
Ah, don't worry.
Kahn and Minh'll sober up
and snap out of it.
They're too arrogant
to live this way for long.
I hope you're right, Hank.
Mr. And Mrs. Hill,
I think there may be a solution
to our problem.
See, Peggy, what'd I tell you?
I just heard
from Southwest Mortgage.
They're starting
foreclosure proceedings
on the Souphanousinphones.
They've only missed
one payment,
but since they let their house
go to... uh, this,
the bank's not going
to cut them any slack.
You mean Kahn and
Minh are going to lose their home?
With any luck, they'll be
out of here in ten working days.
I got my pajamas.
I'd like to whop
that neighbor of yours
upside the head
and feed bad meat to his dog.
You ought to get yourself
a place here
in Belcher's Grove
where decent people live.
Hmm, I'm going to think
real hard on that.
Come with me, honey.
Elvin caught a mess
of squirrels today.
I'll show you how
to de-bone 'em.
Squirrels?
Yeah, Lucky...
why they call you Lucky?
True story.
I was at Costco one day,
and all of the sudden,
the nature called.
Yelled is more like it.
So I high-tail it
into the john,
and there's
some "sensitive" guy
changing his little
boy's diapers
on one of them baby
ironing boards.
And don't you know
I slipped on pee pee
and broke two vertebrae
which had to be fused together.
I'm in constant pain,
but by God,
I got me a $53,000 settlement.
This son of a bitch
is never going to have to work
another day in his life.
That's why they call me Lucky.
That's why they
That's a great story. Ucky.
Hey, y'all hear the
new Trace Adkins come out today?
Damn, let's get it.
Hell, it's after midnight.
Record store's closed.
I'll tell you
what's going to open it.
Me and a damn brick.
Whoo!
Yee-haw!
All right,
who's got a brick?
Let me do it!
Well, all right.
Have at it, Kahn.
Kahn, put that rock down!
It's Trace Adkin's new CD,
woman.
I ate a squirrel quesadilla,
but this is where
I draw the line.
Rock go through window,
I go home.
Aw, hell, this is ridiculous.
I warned you, Kahn.
I'm not going to watch you
go to jail.
Let's get the
hell out of here!
♪ You're doing all you can... ♪
I tell you right now,
this is the single.
I notice your woman didn't
stand by you tonight.
You ask me, she made a
damn fool out of you.
She took your El Camino and your two
little teeny tiny marbles with her.
Oh, you want to see my marbles?
I'll show you my marbles.
You want to go? Let's go! Ha!
We fight.
That was good. Real good.
Stickin'?
Stickin'.
Kahn...
I'm a' takin' you stickin'.
What's stickin'?
It's Minh. She's alone.
I'll go over and talk to her.
You give Connie a math problem
to keep her busy.
Where's Kahn? I need to talk
to both of you.
He's with his redneck friends.
You're about to lose
your house, Minh.
What are you talking about?
The bank's going
to foreclose on you.
Oh, my God.
I... I don't know
what happened.
We were having so much fun
being free and irresponsible,
I-I guess we just forgot
where our mortgage coupon was.
And our electric bill.
Oh, what did we do?
Poor Connie.
Her parents drunk.
We nearly homeless.
Her father abandon her.
I'm not going to let
Connie be homeless.
I'm going to find Kahn.
Now, you start paying
some bills.
Hill.
Hey, Hank. Buck Strickland here.
Yeah, I'm thinkin' about bettin'
a fistful of money
on that little Asian neighbor
of yours.
Kahn?
Aw, yeah, yeah,
he looks like he's got
real crafty Ninja moves, but can
he take a board to the head?
Where are you, sir?!
At the stick fights
down behind the lumberyard.
Kahn's on the card,
three fights from now.
He's up against
a soft-spoken gorilla man.
Good lord!
Yeah! Hit him with
a damn stick!
Winner. Next.
Oh, no!
All money down,
and commence fightin'.
Wait!
You come to get your
whoopin', Hank Hill?
I came to talk some sense
into you, Kahn.
Uh-uh, beat some
sense into him, Hank!
I bet on the simpleton.
You're about to throw away
everything
you ever worked for, Kahn.
You're about to lose
your dang house.
Everything already been
taken away.
Hit him, four eyes!
They're talking about you.
Come on, swing. Take me out.
Stop feeling sorry
for yourself
and start thinking
about Connie.
You want her growing up
in the back of an El Camino?
Well, what choice do I have?
We flee horrible dictatorships,
learn a new language
and then work hard
and study hard.
And our reward
for doing everything right
is to be told, "Go to hell!
You work too hard.
You study too hard."
Yeah, you got a real bum deal,
but maybe you could take
a lesson from Connie
instead of these apes.
Even when you and Minh went
off the deep end,
Connie never complained
and she never stopped trying.
You couldn't drag
that little girl
down into the muck with you.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Connie like a beautiful lotus
growing out of the muck.
That's her hook!
Well, I'm glad
I got through to you.
You wuss!
Shut up and run, Hank!
I got to get my daughter
into summer school.
I don't care who.
Somebody's gettin' hit
with a stick.
Young lady, you should know
Stanford's summer school admissions
deadline has passed.
I'm sorry my application
was tardy.
It's been a hectic time for me.
My parents don't work.
We nearly lost our home.
My Dad abandoned us for awhile,
and he was nearly killed
with a 2x4.
That's him.
Hmm.
You've overcome so much.
Welcome aboard.
Ripped By mstoll