King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 19 - Stressed for Success - full transcript
Bobby joins the school's academic team, where he specializes in pop culture, but the stress proves too much for him to handle.
Ripped By mstoll
And after he bagged her,
he bagged Marilyn Monroe.
Okay, that's Kennedy
number five.
Anyone have
something different?
Oh, good.
Go ahead, Bobby.
I have chosen the smartest
and most photogenic of
all the presidents...
Mr. Martin Sheen.
President Sheen
is a Nobel Prize
winner in economics,
yet he loves poetry.
And despite round-
the-clock meetings,
death threats and MS,
he still finds time
for playful banter
with his senior staff.
Bobby, your assignment
was to research
an actual president.
Martin Sheen is an actor.
Oh, yeah?
Tell that to the 50
million people
he helped with his
poverty bill.
Hey, Steve-O, I'm going to drive
this golf cart with my butt.
Hey, my hummingbird feeder just
got its first customer.
Bobby, come take a look.
Bobby?
Huh?
Oh, I've seen them.
Animal Planet did hummingbirds
in their "Wings of Fury" week.
But you don't even
have to stand up.
Just cock your head
a little bit.
Bobby?
Yeah, Johnny, I'm going
to drive it into a wall.
What?
Ah, never mind.
Bobby, what are you
doing watching TV?
You have an oral
report to redo.
Your son thought
Martin Sheen was a president.
No, I didn't.
But his character's based
on the real
President Bartlett, right?
No.
See, this is exactly
what happens
when you watch
too much television.
Bobby, turn that off.
I'm freaking driving
this over...
All the way off.
You can't keep
coming home after school
and plopping down
in front of the TV.
Mm-hmm.
He's right.
It is not good for
you or the couch.
Starting tomorrow,
you're getting yourself
an extracurricular activity,
something to keep you busy
before your mother and I
come home from work.
But, Dad...
No "buts."
Now go start that report.
But which president
should I...
Ronald Reagan.
Hey, Bobby.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
I'm supposed to be
in chess club,
but they kicked me out.
If they don't want you
to double jump,
they shouldn't play it
on a checkers board.
Sorry I can't stay and
listen to you vent,
but our Quiz Bowl
team keeps losing,
and now Coach Grandy
is making us
do mind sprints after school.
How could you ever lose?
You're the smartest
person I know.
It's those stupid pop
culture questions.
How are we supposed to know
what Out of Sight actor
got his start
on The Facts of...
George Clooney.
Everybody knows that.
Osmosis, mitosis, meiosis.
Osmosis, mitosis, meiosis.
No, base ten!
Base ten! Idiot!
Hello, Connie.
Uh, I'm sorry, Bobby.
When you want change
for the vending machine
you're going to have to start
going to someone else.
No, Bobby wants
to join the team.
Why would we want Booby Hill?
So the other teams
feel sorry for us?
They already feel sorry for us
because you can't remember
the atomic weight of lithium.
Bobby's going to be
our secret weapon.
He's not a math guy, is he?
Because I'm
the math guy, right?
Right?
No, Bobby's a pop
culture expert.
Oh, really?
Ernie, ask him that one
you didn't know.
You didn't know it either.
"What actor gave Peter Parker
a new face in 2002?"
Tobey Maguire.
Is he right?
He's right.
Bravo, Bobby.
Welcome to the team.
Dawn, American Lit.
Just so you know, you
should bring your own pen.
We have a thing about pens.
You guys hear that?
That's the sweet sound
of Bobby not watching TV.
I made him join an
after-school activity.
How do you know
he's not watching TV
at someone else's house?
Or hiding in the bushes
with one of those mini-TVs?
They keep making TVs
smaller and smaller,
and bigger and bigger.
Soon the medium TV
is going to be
a thing of the past.
Hey, Dad,
guess what?
I joined the academic team!
Academic team?
Is that a fancy way of saying
you need to go to study hall?
No, I'm the pop culture guy.
The what?
Come on. Test me.
Give me a name.
Michael... Douglas.
No, Michael Keaton!
Mr. Mom, Gung-Ho, Beetle juice
with Winona Ryder,
Batman, Batman Returns,
and the place
it all started...
Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood.
Impressive.
I love Mr. Rogers.
Wow, Hank.
How's it feel to be
the father of a genius?
Bobby's a good kid,
but he's no genius.
We have the report cards
to prove it.
And since when
is popular culture
considered "academic"?
It's serious business, Hank.
You can't be a respected
university these days
without offering a major
in commercial jingles
or the films of
M. Night Shalamalaman.
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout
dem dang ol' Oberlin, man,
you gotta ol' Phi Beta Kappa
on dem Muppets, yo.
Well, that's asinine.
What kind of job can you get
with a degree in pop culture?
You can be a professor.
Of pop culture.
Wow, Bobby the Professor.
Hey, Connie, this is so cool!
Where should I sit?
I didn't know
everybody got a buzzer.
Quiz Bowl is so cool!
I can't talk now, Bobby.
I'm having trouble with
my German composers.
Pachelbel!
Hey, Jeremy,
you ready to kick
some Denton brain?
Can't you see I'm
trying to remember
the Quadratic Formula?
I mean equation.
Oh, crap, which is it?!
Sorry.
Now, this is Bobby's
first match,
so which is more
appropriate...
air horn or thunder sticks?
Because I have both.
What?
Bobby on team?
Quiz Bowl
for top of food chain,
not C-student plankton.
Welcome, wilkommen,
bienvenue.
Today's match features
Denton versus Tom Landry.
Please test your buzzers.
Category: Chemistry.
Question: Negative 273 degrees
Kelvin
is also known as what?
Wassanasong,
Tom Landry.
Absolute zero.
Correct.
Category: Television.
Who of the following is not
a Starfleet captain...
Picard, Janeway or Data.
Data!
Correct.
But a warning,
please wait to be recognized
by the Quizmaster.
Hill, Tom Landry.
Alvin, Simon and Theodore!
Correct.
And time expires.
Winner: Tom Landry.
Super.
Just super.
With proper training,
Bobby could lead the team
to the championship.
They could be ♪1.
Just think, if I hadn't sat him
in front of the TV
to keep him from crying,
we would not be here today.
Yep.
Four parts water,
one part sugar.
Got any leftovers?
Hey, Dad,
we won!
You should've seen it.
We came out strong...
math, spelling, geography.
Then we hit the wall...
two art histories
and a physics.
Oh, no.
How did you ever
recover, Professor?
The lightning round.
It was TV theme songs.
I cleaned house.
You know,
I wanted Bobby to become
the kind of kid
who did stuff after school,
but the stuff after school
is just becoming
more like Bobby.
You must be very proud.
You were on fire
yesterday, Bobby!
I can't believe you
made that kid cry.
I'd cry, too, if I didn't
know what movies
Denzel got his Oscars for.
Glory, Training Day.
Okay, people,
cheeks in the chairs.
We did great yesterday,
but we still made
too many mistakes.
I'm not going
to point fingers,
but people who should have
a finger pointed at them
know who they are.
Chane, books on Copernicus.
Dawn, the complete
works of Faulkner.
Connie, memorize
the Goldberg Variations.
And Bobby, here is
People, Us and
Entertainment Weekly.
Is this great or what?
Hey, did you guys know that...
Shh!
You better start reading or
watching or whatever you do,
because we're counting on you.
Counting on me?
Nobody's ever counted
on me before.
I won't let you down.
Shh!
Bobby, breakfast.
I am blanketing the pigs.
I can't right now.
TRL is pop-up!
Oh, dang it.
I can't believe
you're serving him
breakfast in bed.
Breakfast was
the only motivation
he had to leave his room.
Hank, we are the parents
of a gifted child now.
It is our responsibility
to nurture him.
But the whole point was to get
him out of the house.
If you were Einstein's father,
we would not have the Bomb.
Call our cable operator!
There's a new MTV channel.
I'm so glad
you're on the team now, Bobby.
I really like winning.
Here he is now,
the brightest of all
my shining stars.
I was just telling
Principal Moss
about our team's
winning streak.
To tell you the truth,
I thought we cut
Quiz Bowl last year.
Guess we got rid
of something else.
Well, the budget
likes a winner,
so keep it up.
Oh, man.
Look, we all know
drama and band are
hanging by a thread.
Quiz Bowl is all I have.
Bobby, I'm counting on you
to lead us to victory.
I'm trying.
Remember, there's trying
and there's trying harder.
Try harder, Bobby.
See you in class.
I know this one.
I know I know it.
Sine?
No, cosine.
Dang it! Dang it!
Quiet down!
Next question:
"This actor picked Cameron Diaz
over Julia Roberts
in My Best Friend's Wedding.
Come on, Coach.
Give me a hard one.
Dylan McDermott.
No. Dermot Mulroney.
Oh... yeah, I always
get those guys mixed up.
Someone needs a name change,
am I right?
Let's take a break.
Who has the Tums?
Hey, what's your problem?
I'm trying!
I just goofed!
Look, "Booby," I have a plan:
The Chane Train
starts with Quiz Bowl
and ends at a Stanford frat
with all the ladies
I can handle.
You're not gonna
blow it for me.
You can't make
mistakes, Bobby.
You just can't!
Bobby gets so dang
many magazines.
Couldn't at least one of them
have a picture of a car
or a fish on it?
Does sweeps start
this week or next?
I don't know what that means.
Man! Quiz Bowl
is getting tough.
Yeah, it's real hard
sitting around watching TV.
I know!
They broke up?
I haven't even read the one
where they got together!
Bobby Hill!
Come on down!
How much you pay
for fabulous mini-fridge
stocked with Red Bull
and Mountain Dew?
Nothing!
Free for you!
But... why?
Because you're the key
to getting Chane
into the school
of his choice: Stanford.
Connie choose Harvard.
And you pave the way.
With new fridge,
you never have to leave your room.
Everything on your shoulders!
McMaynerbury.
Ursa... Minor.
Correct.
McMaynerbury ties the game.
And time expires.
How delightful.
We have a tie-breaker.
The winner will face Durndle
in the district finals.
Category: The Grammys.
"Question: Who is Dana
Owens better known as?"
Hill.
Tom Landry.
Five seconds.
Queen Latifah?
Correct.
Winner: Tom Landry.
When I directed this scene,
the sky wasn't sad enough.
Read about how we fixed it
in post
in the companion book.
Oh! Companion book!
Your mother and I are headed
to the Mega Lo Mart.
It's the last day
of Super Savings.
Wait! I'm coming with you!
I got to get this one book,
and Sim City 4,
and I think J. Io's new CD
drops today.
Grab my shoes!
I'll be in the car!
Meet us by the wood glue
in 20 minutes!
I never noticed these before.
I guess they're
trying to make shopping fun.
It's working!
I'm Kelly Clarkson.
I won American Idol and my
debut album went to number one.
One song on the album,
I wrote with Christina Aguilera.
She was in the Mickey Mouse Club
with Britney Spears
and Justin Timberlake.
Justin is a member of N'Sync.
They sing on the soundtrack
for The Grinch,
starring Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey was in a movie
with Renee Zellweger,
who's worked
with Catherine Zeta-Jones,
who's acted with John Cusack,
who has a house in Malibu
near Pamela Anderson,
who dated Scott Baio,
who was on Happy Days
with Ron Howard,
who directed Apollo 13,
starring Tom Hanks,
who's married to Rita Wilson,
who was in...
Oh...
What happened?
Bobby! Are you okay?
Follow the tip of my nose
with your eyes.
Peggy, give him some air.
Now, Bobby, you just fainted.
How do you feel?
I don't know.
It was weird.
It was like my heart
was on fast-forward,
but my brain was on pause,
then, nothing.
Well, he was running
pretty fast,
and it's a quarter-mile
to Electronics.
His body isn't used
to that level of activity.
Actually, Mr. Hill,
it sounds to me
like your son
had a panic attack.
A panic attack?!
Uh, maybe we should
take him to a doctor.
Sir, Mega Lo Mart trains us
to take care of all
medical situations.
Attention, shoppers.
If there is a doctor
in the store,
please report
to the Mega Lo clinic.
Mr. And Mrs. Hill,
it looks like Bobby
had a panic attack.
Mm-hmm.
Doctor, he's in middle school.
What does he have
to panic about?
Well, if I had to choose between
performing heart surgery
or going to the seventh-grade
dance right now,
Well, scalpel, please.
So the boy's too tense?
Well, what do you recommend?
Icy Hot?
The Ben Gay?
No, you can't just
put ointment on this, Mr. Hill.
Teen stress
is a very serious problem
that can lead to ulcers
and many other health concerns.
Well, what should I do?
Should I give him a hug?
Or does he need space?
Well, there's a book
I can recommend...
Oh, thank God.
There's a book.
Well, I just checked on Bobby.
He stopped
muttering to himself.
You find anything in there?
It says here that
what Bobby needs
is a lifestyle change.
Their words, my emphasis.
Now, first, we have to
create a stress-free environment,
or "a safe zone."
If you need me
to build something,
I've still got those
old tree house designs.
Mm, no.
It involves things like scented
candles, hot teas,
positive affirmation...
Hank!
Go make Bobby feel
good about himself.
Compliment him.
Okay.
Uh... for what?
Whatever!
Tell him he has good hair.
What? He does!
So, uh...
your TV watching got you
under the weather, did it?
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
Wait a second.
What time is it?
Did you hear
the weekly Top 40?
What was number one?
Did anything have a bullet?
Don't worry about that
now, Bobby,
just get some rest.
But the countdown...
Nielsen ratings...
super-size it.
Uh, your mother likes your hair.
Hair, directed
by Milos Forman!
Oh, it's so dark
with this thing on.
What are you doing?
Shh. It's okay, Bobby.
Everything is very safe.
We're going
to take... Ow!
Oh, okay...
I just burned myself.
But you are very, very safe.
I got to get
some ice... here.
Okay, Bobby,
we're going to take
your mind on a journey.
You're lying on the beach
on a warm sunny day.
Your legs feel like spaghetti.
What kind of spaghetti?
Fettuccine?
Angel Hair?
Calm down, Bobby.
How about some,
uh... tea?
So how's the professor doing?
He's really got himself
worked up,
I tell you what.
I just don't understand
where it's coming from.
Well, it's tough being
a kid these days, Hank.
All we had to worry
about was Vietnam,
Charles Manson, swine flu.
Is it that bad now?
Heck, a hundred years ago,
kids were working in pork
factories and coal mines.
You can't tell me that
wasn't stressful.
Hank's right.
Back when Disneyland
first started,
it was completely powered
by orphan children
running on treadmills
in underground tunnels.
And today, those kids
are the New York Yankees.
Well, I better go flip over
his "calming sounds" tape.
Who wants to thumb wrestle?
All this rain is making me
think of drowning.
Oh! This is pointless.
It's going to be okay, son.
We'll get you through this.
But I'm never going to relax.
I keep thinking about movies
and music and Quiz Bowl
and if I screw up,
nobody goes to college
and Chane never gets
his trust fund.
I need to quit!
Whew!
I feel better already.
I quit.
I quit.
I quit!
This is a miracle!
Nobody ever
has to count on me again.
Hey!
My stomach just unknotted!
Bobby, I don't think
you should quit.
What?! But you said
this pop culture stuff
was stupid.
Well, it is, but you
made a commitment to your team,
and you should honor it.
But the stress, Dad!
What about the stress?
Well, you might not
believe this, Bobby,
but I get stressed
all the time.
You?!
Yep.
But I don't give up.
I face my problems.
Stress isn't bad, Bobby.
Heck, if we weren't stressed about
the Nazis taking over Europe,
we wouldn't have
fought World War II.
What's bad is letting stress
make your life miserable.
The big match is tomorrow.
I don't know if I can get into
game shape by then.
You can handle this, Bobby.
And I'll help you.
Well, hey, there,
Mr. Drysdale.
I love The Beverly
Hillbillies.
I talked Jethro into
staying to work for you.
Show him your cipherin', boy!
Naught times naught is naught.
Naught times one is naught.
Naught times two is naught.
Whoo-doggy!
That's what you get from
a sixth-grade education!
You know, the guy who
played Jed Clampett
also played Barnaby Jones,
the milk-drinking
elderly private eye.
Wow! Cool!
And Jethro's dad,
Max Baer Sr., was a
heavyweight boxing champ.
He fought Joe Louis.
Hey, Dad, why is Jethro
dressed so funny?
He's trying to be
a double-naught spy.
Look, he's putting on
his lead spy hat.
Whoo-doggy!
Oh, Dad!
Ripped By mstoll
Let's take a break.
Who has the Tums?
And after he bagged her,
he bagged Marilyn Monroe.
Okay, that's Kennedy
number five.
Anyone have
something different?
Oh, good.
Go ahead, Bobby.
I have chosen the smartest
and most photogenic of
all the presidents...
Mr. Martin Sheen.
President Sheen
is a Nobel Prize
winner in economics,
yet he loves poetry.
And despite round-
the-clock meetings,
death threats and MS,
he still finds time
for playful banter
with his senior staff.
Bobby, your assignment
was to research
an actual president.
Martin Sheen is an actor.
Oh, yeah?
Tell that to the 50
million people
he helped with his
poverty bill.
Hey, Steve-O, I'm going to drive
this golf cart with my butt.
Hey, my hummingbird feeder just
got its first customer.
Bobby, come take a look.
Bobby?
Huh?
Oh, I've seen them.
Animal Planet did hummingbirds
in their "Wings of Fury" week.
But you don't even
have to stand up.
Just cock your head
a little bit.
Bobby?
Yeah, Johnny, I'm going
to drive it into a wall.
What?
Ah, never mind.
Bobby, what are you
doing watching TV?
You have an oral
report to redo.
Your son thought
Martin Sheen was a president.
No, I didn't.
But his character's based
on the real
President Bartlett, right?
No.
See, this is exactly
what happens
when you watch
too much television.
Bobby, turn that off.
I'm freaking driving
this over...
All the way off.
You can't keep
coming home after school
and plopping down
in front of the TV.
Mm-hmm.
He's right.
It is not good for
you or the couch.
Starting tomorrow,
you're getting yourself
an extracurricular activity,
something to keep you busy
before your mother and I
come home from work.
But, Dad...
No "buts."
Now go start that report.
But which president
should I...
Ronald Reagan.
Hey, Bobby.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
I'm supposed to be
in chess club,
but they kicked me out.
If they don't want you
to double jump,
they shouldn't play it
on a checkers board.
Sorry I can't stay and
listen to you vent,
but our Quiz Bowl
team keeps losing,
and now Coach Grandy
is making us
do mind sprints after school.
How could you ever lose?
You're the smartest
person I know.
It's those stupid pop
culture questions.
How are we supposed to know
what Out of Sight actor
got his start
on The Facts of...
George Clooney.
Everybody knows that.
Osmosis, mitosis, meiosis.
Osmosis, mitosis, meiosis.
No, base ten!
Base ten! Idiot!
Hello, Connie.
Uh, I'm sorry, Bobby.
When you want change
for the vending machine
you're going to have to start
going to someone else.
No, Bobby wants
to join the team.
Why would we want Booby Hill?
So the other teams
feel sorry for us?
They already feel sorry for us
because you can't remember
the atomic weight of lithium.
Bobby's going to be
our secret weapon.
He's not a math guy, is he?
Because I'm
the math guy, right?
Right?
No, Bobby's a pop
culture expert.
Oh, really?
Ernie, ask him that one
you didn't know.
You didn't know it either.
"What actor gave Peter Parker
a new face in 2002?"
Tobey Maguire.
Is he right?
He's right.
Bravo, Bobby.
Welcome to the team.
Dawn, American Lit.
Just so you know, you
should bring your own pen.
We have a thing about pens.
You guys hear that?
That's the sweet sound
of Bobby not watching TV.
I made him join an
after-school activity.
How do you know
he's not watching TV
at someone else's house?
Or hiding in the bushes
with one of those mini-TVs?
They keep making TVs
smaller and smaller,
and bigger and bigger.
Soon the medium TV
is going to be
a thing of the past.
Hey, Dad,
guess what?
I joined the academic team!
Academic team?
Is that a fancy way of saying
you need to go to study hall?
No, I'm the pop culture guy.
The what?
Come on. Test me.
Give me a name.
Michael... Douglas.
No, Michael Keaton!
Mr. Mom, Gung-Ho, Beetle juice
with Winona Ryder,
Batman, Batman Returns,
and the place
it all started...
Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood.
Impressive.
I love Mr. Rogers.
Wow, Hank.
How's it feel to be
the father of a genius?
Bobby's a good kid,
but he's no genius.
We have the report cards
to prove it.
And since when
is popular culture
considered "academic"?
It's serious business, Hank.
You can't be a respected
university these days
without offering a major
in commercial jingles
or the films of
M. Night Shalamalaman.
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout
dem dang ol' Oberlin, man,
you gotta ol' Phi Beta Kappa
on dem Muppets, yo.
Well, that's asinine.
What kind of job can you get
with a degree in pop culture?
You can be a professor.
Of pop culture.
Wow, Bobby the Professor.
Hey, Connie, this is so cool!
Where should I sit?
I didn't know
everybody got a buzzer.
Quiz Bowl is so cool!
I can't talk now, Bobby.
I'm having trouble with
my German composers.
Pachelbel!
Hey, Jeremy,
you ready to kick
some Denton brain?
Can't you see I'm
trying to remember
the Quadratic Formula?
I mean equation.
Oh, crap, which is it?!
Sorry.
Now, this is Bobby's
first match,
so which is more
appropriate...
air horn or thunder sticks?
Because I have both.
What?
Bobby on team?
Quiz Bowl
for top of food chain,
not C-student plankton.
Welcome, wilkommen,
bienvenue.
Today's match features
Denton versus Tom Landry.
Please test your buzzers.
Category: Chemistry.
Question: Negative 273 degrees
Kelvin
is also known as what?
Wassanasong,
Tom Landry.
Absolute zero.
Correct.
Category: Television.
Who of the following is not
a Starfleet captain...
Picard, Janeway or Data.
Data!
Correct.
But a warning,
please wait to be recognized
by the Quizmaster.
Hill, Tom Landry.
Alvin, Simon and Theodore!
Correct.
And time expires.
Winner: Tom Landry.
Super.
Just super.
With proper training,
Bobby could lead the team
to the championship.
They could be ♪1.
Just think, if I hadn't sat him
in front of the TV
to keep him from crying,
we would not be here today.
Yep.
Four parts water,
one part sugar.
Got any leftovers?
Hey, Dad,
we won!
You should've seen it.
We came out strong...
math, spelling, geography.
Then we hit the wall...
two art histories
and a physics.
Oh, no.
How did you ever
recover, Professor?
The lightning round.
It was TV theme songs.
I cleaned house.
You know,
I wanted Bobby to become
the kind of kid
who did stuff after school,
but the stuff after school
is just becoming
more like Bobby.
You must be very proud.
You were on fire
yesterday, Bobby!
I can't believe you
made that kid cry.
I'd cry, too, if I didn't
know what movies
Denzel got his Oscars for.
Glory, Training Day.
Okay, people,
cheeks in the chairs.
We did great yesterday,
but we still made
too many mistakes.
I'm not going
to point fingers,
but people who should have
a finger pointed at them
know who they are.
Chane, books on Copernicus.
Dawn, the complete
works of Faulkner.
Connie, memorize
the Goldberg Variations.
And Bobby, here is
People, Us and
Entertainment Weekly.
Is this great or what?
Hey, did you guys know that...
Shh!
You better start reading or
watching or whatever you do,
because we're counting on you.
Counting on me?
Nobody's ever counted
on me before.
I won't let you down.
Shh!
Bobby, breakfast.
I am blanketing the pigs.
I can't right now.
TRL is pop-up!
Oh, dang it.
I can't believe
you're serving him
breakfast in bed.
Breakfast was
the only motivation
he had to leave his room.
Hank, we are the parents
of a gifted child now.
It is our responsibility
to nurture him.
But the whole point was to get
him out of the house.
If you were Einstein's father,
we would not have the Bomb.
Call our cable operator!
There's a new MTV channel.
I'm so glad
you're on the team now, Bobby.
I really like winning.
Here he is now,
the brightest of all
my shining stars.
I was just telling
Principal Moss
about our team's
winning streak.
To tell you the truth,
I thought we cut
Quiz Bowl last year.
Guess we got rid
of something else.
Well, the budget
likes a winner,
so keep it up.
Oh, man.
Look, we all know
drama and band are
hanging by a thread.
Quiz Bowl is all I have.
Bobby, I'm counting on you
to lead us to victory.
I'm trying.
Remember, there's trying
and there's trying harder.
Try harder, Bobby.
See you in class.
I know this one.
I know I know it.
Sine?
No, cosine.
Dang it! Dang it!
Quiet down!
Next question:
"This actor picked Cameron Diaz
over Julia Roberts
in My Best Friend's Wedding.
Come on, Coach.
Give me a hard one.
Dylan McDermott.
No. Dermot Mulroney.
Oh... yeah, I always
get those guys mixed up.
Someone needs a name change,
am I right?
Let's take a break.
Who has the Tums?
Hey, what's your problem?
I'm trying!
I just goofed!
Look, "Booby," I have a plan:
The Chane Train
starts with Quiz Bowl
and ends at a Stanford frat
with all the ladies
I can handle.
You're not gonna
blow it for me.
You can't make
mistakes, Bobby.
You just can't!
Bobby gets so dang
many magazines.
Couldn't at least one of them
have a picture of a car
or a fish on it?
Does sweeps start
this week or next?
I don't know what that means.
Man! Quiz Bowl
is getting tough.
Yeah, it's real hard
sitting around watching TV.
I know!
They broke up?
I haven't even read the one
where they got together!
Bobby Hill!
Come on down!
How much you pay
for fabulous mini-fridge
stocked with Red Bull
and Mountain Dew?
Nothing!
Free for you!
But... why?
Because you're the key
to getting Chane
into the school
of his choice: Stanford.
Connie choose Harvard.
And you pave the way.
With new fridge,
you never have to leave your room.
Everything on your shoulders!
McMaynerbury.
Ursa... Minor.
Correct.
McMaynerbury ties the game.
And time expires.
How delightful.
We have a tie-breaker.
The winner will face Durndle
in the district finals.
Category: The Grammys.
"Question: Who is Dana
Owens better known as?"
Hill.
Tom Landry.
Five seconds.
Queen Latifah?
Correct.
Winner: Tom Landry.
When I directed this scene,
the sky wasn't sad enough.
Read about how we fixed it
in post
in the companion book.
Oh! Companion book!
Your mother and I are headed
to the Mega Lo Mart.
It's the last day
of Super Savings.
Wait! I'm coming with you!
I got to get this one book,
and Sim City 4,
and I think J. Io's new CD
drops today.
Grab my shoes!
I'll be in the car!
Meet us by the wood glue
in 20 minutes!
I never noticed these before.
I guess they're
trying to make shopping fun.
It's working!
I'm Kelly Clarkson.
I won American Idol and my
debut album went to number one.
One song on the album,
I wrote with Christina Aguilera.
She was in the Mickey Mouse Club
with Britney Spears
and Justin Timberlake.
Justin is a member of N'Sync.
They sing on the soundtrack
for The Grinch,
starring Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey was in a movie
with Renee Zellweger,
who's worked
with Catherine Zeta-Jones,
who's acted with John Cusack,
who has a house in Malibu
near Pamela Anderson,
who dated Scott Baio,
who was on Happy Days
with Ron Howard,
who directed Apollo 13,
starring Tom Hanks,
who's married to Rita Wilson,
who was in...
Oh...
What happened?
Bobby! Are you okay?
Follow the tip of my nose
with your eyes.
Peggy, give him some air.
Now, Bobby, you just fainted.
How do you feel?
I don't know.
It was weird.
It was like my heart
was on fast-forward,
but my brain was on pause,
then, nothing.
Well, he was running
pretty fast,
and it's a quarter-mile
to Electronics.
His body isn't used
to that level of activity.
Actually, Mr. Hill,
it sounds to me
like your son
had a panic attack.
A panic attack?!
Uh, maybe we should
take him to a doctor.
Sir, Mega Lo Mart trains us
to take care of all
medical situations.
Attention, shoppers.
If there is a doctor
in the store,
please report
to the Mega Lo clinic.
Mr. And Mrs. Hill,
it looks like Bobby
had a panic attack.
Mm-hmm.
Doctor, he's in middle school.
What does he have
to panic about?
Well, if I had to choose between
performing heart surgery
or going to the seventh-grade
dance right now,
Well, scalpel, please.
So the boy's too tense?
Well, what do you recommend?
Icy Hot?
The Ben Gay?
No, you can't just
put ointment on this, Mr. Hill.
Teen stress
is a very serious problem
that can lead to ulcers
and many other health concerns.
Well, what should I do?
Should I give him a hug?
Or does he need space?
Well, there's a book
I can recommend...
Oh, thank God.
There's a book.
Well, I just checked on Bobby.
He stopped
muttering to himself.
You find anything in there?
It says here that
what Bobby needs
is a lifestyle change.
Their words, my emphasis.
Now, first, we have to
create a stress-free environment,
or "a safe zone."
If you need me
to build something,
I've still got those
old tree house designs.
Mm, no.
It involves things like scented
candles, hot teas,
positive affirmation...
Hank!
Go make Bobby feel
good about himself.
Compliment him.
Okay.
Uh... for what?
Whatever!
Tell him he has good hair.
What? He does!
So, uh...
your TV watching got you
under the weather, did it?
Oh, yeah, I guess so.
Wait a second.
What time is it?
Did you hear
the weekly Top 40?
What was number one?
Did anything have a bullet?
Don't worry about that
now, Bobby,
just get some rest.
But the countdown...
Nielsen ratings...
super-size it.
Uh, your mother likes your hair.
Hair, directed
by Milos Forman!
Oh, it's so dark
with this thing on.
What are you doing?
Shh. It's okay, Bobby.
Everything is very safe.
We're going
to take... Ow!
Oh, okay...
I just burned myself.
But you are very, very safe.
I got to get
some ice... here.
Okay, Bobby,
we're going to take
your mind on a journey.
You're lying on the beach
on a warm sunny day.
Your legs feel like spaghetti.
What kind of spaghetti?
Fettuccine?
Angel Hair?
Calm down, Bobby.
How about some,
uh... tea?
So how's the professor doing?
He's really got himself
worked up,
I tell you what.
I just don't understand
where it's coming from.
Well, it's tough being
a kid these days, Hank.
All we had to worry
about was Vietnam,
Charles Manson, swine flu.
Is it that bad now?
Heck, a hundred years ago,
kids were working in pork
factories and coal mines.
You can't tell me that
wasn't stressful.
Hank's right.
Back when Disneyland
first started,
it was completely powered
by orphan children
running on treadmills
in underground tunnels.
And today, those kids
are the New York Yankees.
Well, I better go flip over
his "calming sounds" tape.
Who wants to thumb wrestle?
All this rain is making me
think of drowning.
Oh! This is pointless.
It's going to be okay, son.
We'll get you through this.
But I'm never going to relax.
I keep thinking about movies
and music and Quiz Bowl
and if I screw up,
nobody goes to college
and Chane never gets
his trust fund.
I need to quit!
Whew!
I feel better already.
I quit.
I quit.
I quit!
This is a miracle!
Nobody ever
has to count on me again.
Hey!
My stomach just unknotted!
Bobby, I don't think
you should quit.
What?! But you said
this pop culture stuff
was stupid.
Well, it is, but you
made a commitment to your team,
and you should honor it.
But the stress, Dad!
What about the stress?
Well, you might not
believe this, Bobby,
but I get stressed
all the time.
You?!
Yep.
But I don't give up.
I face my problems.
Stress isn't bad, Bobby.
Heck, if we weren't stressed about
the Nazis taking over Europe,
we wouldn't have
fought World War II.
What's bad is letting stress
make your life miserable.
The big match is tomorrow.
I don't know if I can get into
game shape by then.
You can handle this, Bobby.
And I'll help you.
Well, hey, there,
Mr. Drysdale.
I love The Beverly
Hillbillies.
I talked Jethro into
staying to work for you.
Show him your cipherin', boy!
Naught times naught is naught.
Naught times one is naught.
Naught times two is naught.
Whoo-doggy!
That's what you get from
a sixth-grade education!
You know, the guy who
played Jed Clampett
also played Barnaby Jones,
the milk-drinking
elderly private eye.
Wow! Cool!
And Jethro's dad,
Max Baer Sr., was a
heavyweight boxing champ.
He fought Joe Louis.
Hey, Dad, why is Jethro
dressed so funny?
He's trying to be
a double-naught spy.
Look, he's putting on
his lead spy hat.
Whoo-doggy!
Oh, Dad!
Ripped By mstoll
Let's take a break.
Who has the Tums?