King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 18 - Girl, You'll Be a Giant Soon - full transcript
Luanne joins forces with Hank to protest a propane ban at the Texas State Fairground grill-off; and Peggy goes to extreme lengths to gain access to a laundry room where an infamous murder took place.
Ripped By mstoll
Son, look.
There's Big Tex.
He's like the Grand Canyon
and the Statue of Liberty,
rolled into one.
He seems tough.
But kind.
Yep. He always tells us
what to do and see and eat.
I've gotten better advice from
him than from my own father.
Howdy, folks!
Howdy, howdy.
Check, check, uh, one.
Howdy.
Wow. I'm finally entering
the Grill-Off.
It's just like in my dreams,
except in the dream,
I'm wearing Tom Landry's hat.
Excuse me, sir.
You have two different boxes
for charcoal...
mesquite and hickory...
but I don't see
a box on the entry
for grilling with propane.
'Cause you can't use gas
at a grill-off!
Charcoal only;
your choice of sauce.
Starting this year,
bacon counts as a sauce.
Sir, I choose to enter
this contest
grilling with propane.
It's not a sales ploy,
it's what I prefer.
Well, this is a charcoal
competition, always has been.
Why don't you take your gas
and go fill up your balloons
or whatever you do with it,
and leave the grilling
to the pros.
Two boxes for charcoal, Bobby.
Two boxes!
It's madness.
I know!
That really boils my...
Makes me want to...
Eh...
I gotta level with you, Dad.
I've just been picturing myself
on the roller coaster
the whole time
you were talking.
If the election
were held today,
I would vote for...
nobody!
I know that elections
don't happen today.
They happen on Tuesdays in
months ending in "vember."
Why do you want
to talk to my mother?
You know,
if I ever win the lotto,
I'm gonna buy this house,
knock it down
and build this house
on top of it.
I am so sick of people
calling and asking to speak with
the woman of the house
and then treating me like
the baby of the house.
Now, now, Luanne.
Let's not be the
crybaby of the house.
- Oh, my God.
- Look at this.
The Baxter Death Mansion
is on the market.
The scene of Arlen's
most notorious
crime of passion!
Also most exciting murder
ever to happen
in a laundry room.
Oh, yeah, I remember.
The handsome millionaire
and his girlfriend
were eloping to Switzerland,
but they were tragically stopped
by that crazy old woman
with the bad hair.
And her gun.
Luanne, that "crazy old woman"
was his wife.
The one who put him through
medical school.
Oh.
Why don't you go play
with someone your own age.
Hey, Connie baby-sitting
an eight-year-old.
Give him a shot.
Oh, my God.
It's an open house!
Ladies, get ready to
see five sunny bedrooms,
eat-in kitchen,
and murder.
Yep.
Yup.
Propane is excluded
from the Texas State Fair.
Boomhauer, are you insane?!
I just told you
they excluded propane!
You, too?!
First, Bobby, and now you guys?
Where's the outrage?
Rules are rules, Hank.
Without rules,
there would be chaos.
That's why we no longer
visit the public pool.
But... this is blatantly unfair!
Yeah, poor, poor Hank.
With his wife, and
his son, and his...
hair.
Nobody will let him
grill with propane.
Who's gonna show me
some rage?
Dang it, I should be
calming you people down,
telling you
there's no need for violence!
Aw...
Yeah, yeah, of course...
charcoal, propane, uh-huh.
Hank, it's just a rule.
I would never teach Italian
in my Spanish class,
even though they are practically
the same language.
Gotta go!
To really get ready
for the Tilt-a-Whirl,
I should've eaten a
few corn dogs first.
If you want it to feel like
the Tilt-a-Whirl,
you've got to tilt,
and snap your head around.
Children, stop that!
Play nicely!
What are you talking
about, Luanne?
Don't you sass me, young man!
I am your elder, and I am
to be treated with respect.
Wow.
If you're going to be butchered
by a spurned wife,
this would be
the place to do it.
Any questions, ladies?
No, that's okay.
We're just going to take
a quick look around.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm afraid we're only
showing this house
to potential buyers.
No looky-loos.
If you want to rubberneck,
there was a pileup
out on highway 183.
Looky-loos?
Thanks for coming.
Super. Just super.
I could see my family
very happy here.
Oh, wait...
there is one
potential deal breaker.
Is there a laundry room?
Is there a laundry room?!
We have got to come back.
If we do not get to
see that laundry room,
then the victim will
have died in vain.
Smell that, girl.
Is that the smell of
a second-class heat source?
Who's all this food for?
I don't even know any more.
No one cares.
Why not?
It smells so good.
Exactly. That's because
you're smelling the food!
See, if this were charcoal,
all you'd smell
is that dang smoke!
I hate smoke.
It makes my mouth taste like
I kissed a guy who smokes.
Not that you know
what it's like to kiss a guy.
Well, no, some guys do,
just not you.
No, not me.
But I see exactly
what you're saying.
You prefer a cleaner-
burning fuel.
That's what I was saying?
And... you agree with me?
Got dang right I do!
You know what, Luanne...
you just earned
yourself a burger!
Go ahead and pick one out.
...and that's why I decided
to go with State Farm.
Wow!
This is such a serious
grown-up conversation!
I'm so tired of everybody
treating me like a child.
Just because I live at home
and always have to bum rides,
I still should be
taken seriously.
Well, of course you should.
It's just like those people
at the fair
who won't take propane
seriously.
You know what?
I say we go down to that fair
and set up a propane grill
right across from
those stinky charcoal grills.
Let the people see
what they're missing!
You mean, like some sort of
crazy protest grill?
That's not the kind of thing
I normally go in for...
But they're
pushing around propane,
and propane doesn't have arms
to push back with.
Luanne... I'm in.
We're a team.
I want to celebrate!
Toss another bucket of
propane on the fire!
Uh, Luanne?
Maybe I should get you
some brochures.
What you doing, Uncle Hank?
What I've done is I've
married the cold precision
of the Vogner Char King
with the fiery passion
of the Hoffman Meat Meister.
I may have voided
all the warranties,
but I don't even care.
Look out, charcoal,
it's Supergrill!
Yeah, I can make a poster
with Supergrill wearing a cape
and saving people everywhere
with his magic rainbow of meats!
I get it.
It's a catchy image.
But...
and here's my criticism...
Okay, okay.
I'm an adult.
I can handle criticism.
Remember how you wanted
to be taken seriously?
Well, so does propane.
Sure a rainbow of meats
would be fun...
great for a kid's bedroom...
but we're looking
to change lives here.
I understand.
Great. Now we've got
a lot to do
with just three days
until the fair:
Build the grill,
print up the pamphlets,
fact-check the pamphlets,
design a char pattern.
And that's just for starters.
Hey, I bet I could get
some people down at the college
to help us.
I still know where it is!
That's a great idea!
Luanne, I am officially
designating you
recruitment coordinator.
That could have been us
protesting for propane
with Hank right now.
Gentlemen, we dodged
a very boring bullet.
I mean, I love ol' Hank, man,
but got dang man,
talkin' 'bout propane,
propane, propane, man,
How' 'bout talkin' 'bout
what I do for a living, man.
Poor Bobby, being
replaced by Luanne.
My dad replaced me
with TV and the bottle.
Hey, we should let Bobby hang
with us.
Seems the least we could do.
Now, when we ask him,
try not to seem too needy.
And if he says no,
pretend like we didn't
want him, anyway.
Vote no on Prop 12!
Stop the Otter slaughter!
Ban the Canon!
Wow, it looks like
you hate everything.
Do you think you could
hate charcoal, too?
I think you could persuade me.
Okay, everyone, let 'em hear it!
No blood for...
Hi!
Hi.
Hey.
'Sup?
Now, who's ready To put on
a serious protest
with me and Uncle Hank?
Charcoal is murder!
Ooh, that's so good.
Dude, things that are murder
is my thing.
Smoke is murder!
No blood for charcoal!
Uncle Hank is going
to be so excited!
Luanne, this Uncle Hank,
he's a real uncle,
not an older dude
who's, like,
your boyfriend, right?
You know what?
I am the babe around here.
I'm not going
to become the Mom.
Hey, Uncle Hank.
Oh, hey, Luanne.
How'd it go at the college?
Great! I got a team!
They're focused and committed.
I can't wait for you
to see all the signs we made.
Uh, no rainbows
or smiley faces, right?
Uncle Hank, we're looking
to change lives here.
Well, all right, Luanne.
Great job.
Just follow my lead
and get ready to gloat.
Oh, you gals don't
have jobs, do you?
Like I said:
Potential buyers only.
How's this for potential?
We will give you $200,000
over asking price.
Yeah, I bet you
didn't see that coming.
Now show us the
damn laundry room.
Peggy, what are you doing?
Relax, Nancy.
We're not really
going to buy the house.
We're just going
to put in a bogus bid,
and the whole thing
will fall apart during escrow.
Hey, looky-loos!
Out of my kitchen!
Of course, we will need
some earnest money.
Which, on your
generous offer, comes out to...
$15,000.
Fine.
Drive me to the bank.
Yep.
Yup.
Yep.
Okay.
So, Bobby, are you upset
by Luanne usurping
your first-born male right
of prima-grillature?
Are you kidding?
I'm just hoping she can throw
a football, too,
because then I'm home free!
That is a great attitude, Bobby.
You know, we should have done
this years ago.
So, I can see why
you guys like this,
but I've got two weeks'
allowance in my pocket
that's screaming state fair.
I say let's do it.
Dang ol' good call.
You're as good at telling me
what to do as your dad is.
Howdy, folks!
Today: Clog dancing unlimited,
State grill-off,
the world's smallest hippo.
Propane?
That's a fine fuel.
But it ain't no match
for a mesquite mix took
my Grandpa 19 years
to get perfect.
With all due respect, sir,
it's not a fair competition
unless all heat sources
are welcomed.
All we ask for
is an equal chance.
Well, a man can respect that.
Once my team gets here,
you will get all the steak
and information you need
to make an informed choice.
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
Your deadly smoke
has got to go!
Cough-cough! Choke-choke!
What the?
Oh, God, protest kids.
Get a job!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
Propane is the way to go!
Ready, everyone?
Finger of Shame!
Shame! Shame!
Hi, Uncle Hank!
Luanne?!
That gal is on your team?!
Sir, I swear to you, I...
'Kay everybody, die-in!
Luanne, what...
I can't...
What?!
Isn't this great?
No! It's horrible!
Didn't you hear a word I said?
Yes! I heard
all of them!
Look how serious we are.
Jason is dressed as Death.
What is more serious
than Death?
No! No! Luanne,
you're off the team!
What?! But I'm trying...
I don't care
what you're trying!
Now get away from my grill.
Luanne?
But we haven't
had our puke-in yet!
Luanne! Luanne!
I really do think
propane is great.
It's a better heat
source than charcoal.
It just is!
I, uh, know what
you're going through.
I'm old enough
to help propane by myself.
I'll show him.
I just have to figure out how.
And when.
You've got
to do something big.
You gotta get his attention,
like, move out of his house.
I mean, you could totally crash
with me.
Thursday night,
livestock show!
Free diabetes screenings!
I could crash with you...
or do something bigger.
Uh, sir?
That circus did not
represent propane.
If you would just
give propane another chance.
Sunday night,
salute to the Pecan,
Thursd...
Attention, Texas.
Charcoal is murder!!
Luanne?
Grill with propane!
If you don't use propane,
I'm going to stomp on you!
Um, how do I move the legs?
Taste the meat, not the heat!
Listen, Texas.
Our forests are dying
to make the charcoal
to burn the flesh of the cows
you've murdered!
But there is another way:
Propane.
Just be careful who you trust.
Dang it!
Yeah, we tried that.
She's got her own megaphone.
We can't do much
besides wait her out.
Shoot.
That's his first hit,
out of the dozen.
Lot of times, these kids
don't even nick me.
Are you just gonna take that?
Well, what with
the lawsuits and all...
But, as I say, we got it
under control.
Huh. Anyway, I have to ask you
to clear the area.
I'm not the one throwing eggs!
Sir, please don't make my
job any more difficult.
Ha, ha! Babylon is going down!
Take that, Herr Fuhrer!
There he is!
Hank Hill, who thinks
he's the only one
who cares about propane.
Shame on him!
Shame!
Shaaaaame!
LUANNE That's right,
run away!
Shaaaame!
Turn the wheel, Mr. Dauterive!
Turn the wheel!!
Bobby, this is what
it would look like
if Boomhauer and me had a baby.
So what should we do now,
Bobby?
Can I have a fried twinkie?
Wait!
Don't-don't leave me!
So, if we grill the forest,
where are, like, squirrels
supposed to live?
Luanne! Courage!
Can I get you
anything, please?!
A diet soda and...
maybe a sandwich.
Oh, and could you
bring me up a bucket?
I have to go
to the ladies room.
Mrs. Hill,
your mortgage payments
would be 300%
of your household income,
which is what we in the business
call a "tough nut."
I'm gonna level with you.
I just wanted to see
the freakin' laundry room!
Hmm. This is the
Baxter Death Mansion?
Yep. And Miss
"Number One on the Westside"
thinks you have to be a
millionaire just to get a peek.
I think we can
work something out.
I'm sending something down.
And you're sure
this thing is loud?
How's this?!
O-Okay, fine. I'll take it.
$55.99.
Stop that!
Boy, it's hot in here.
Where's my sandwich?
Luanne, can you hear me?
Yes.
Then get the heck down here!
You're acting like
a complete jackass!
Uh, sir,
you're not authorized
to negotiate with that subject.
This is my protest!
Why are you against me?!
I was trying to help you
with your propane!
Hank,
what's going on?
It's Luanne.
She's ticked off at me,
and she's commandeered Big Tex.
I've got to find some way
to get her down.
Aah, it's Big Tex!
Maybe you should ask Big Bob.
Hmm...
This is a lot like the time
I locked myself in my room
and wouldn't come out.
Do you remember
how you got me out?
Yeah. I put candy outside
your door and told you
you had five minutes
before I ate it.
Go for it, Dad.
Look, Luanne's an adult.
Treating her like a kid
is not gonna...
Oh, Lord.
Uh, sir, I think
I can get her down.
Uh, folks, I sort of have
to say something to my niece.
It's kind of private,
so if you could all put
your fingers in your ears...
All right. Fine.
Uh, Luanne,
I, uh, understand
why you're mad at me.
You did something
I don't agree with
and I, uh, treated you
like a child.
And that was wrong of me
because, uh...
I... owe you a lot.
Uh... but
working with you is, uh,
you know,
the whole reason
I'm even here today,
and even though I still think
what you're doing is asinine,
if you come down here, we can
talk about it... like adults.
Uncle Hank,
I'm coming down.
Well, this blows chunks.
Yeah!
Dude, you just
nailed a real cop!
Oh, crap!
Run!
A front-loader.
Wow!
Thanks for coming
down, Luanne.
Well, Officer,
I'm an adult now,
and I'm ready to do
what grown-up people do:
Go to jail.
Sir, I guess the two of us
are in this together.
I think my report is going to
say that while we were busy
with a violent situation,
a non-violent offender
walked off,
and we were unable
to locate her.
Come on, get out of here.
Thank you, officer.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Ms. Platter, I think
we'd better get out of here
while we still can.
Mr. Hill, I think you
have a very good point.
So I have to ask:
Is Big Tex as amazing inside
as he is from the outside?
Yeah.
You think you're gonna
be really nervous,
because, like,
he's Big Tex and all,
but, actually,
he's very down-to-earth.
Really, like being inside
of a regular giant guy.
A man of the people.
I knew it.
Ripped By mstoll
Howdy, folks.
Today: Steak grill-off.
Clog-dancing unlimited.
The world's smallest hippo.
Howdy.
Thursday night: Livestock show.
Free diabetes screenings.
Howdy.
Sunday night:
Salute to the pecan.
Talkin' 'bout an ol' propane,
propane, propane.
Son, look.
There's Big Tex.
He's like the Grand Canyon
and the Statue of Liberty,
rolled into one.
He seems tough.
But kind.
Yep. He always tells us
what to do and see and eat.
I've gotten better advice from
him than from my own father.
Howdy, folks!
Howdy, howdy.
Check, check, uh, one.
Howdy.
Wow. I'm finally entering
the Grill-Off.
It's just like in my dreams,
except in the dream,
I'm wearing Tom Landry's hat.
Excuse me, sir.
You have two different boxes
for charcoal...
mesquite and hickory...
but I don't see
a box on the entry
for grilling with propane.
'Cause you can't use gas
at a grill-off!
Charcoal only;
your choice of sauce.
Starting this year,
bacon counts as a sauce.
Sir, I choose to enter
this contest
grilling with propane.
It's not a sales ploy,
it's what I prefer.
Well, this is a charcoal
competition, always has been.
Why don't you take your gas
and go fill up your balloons
or whatever you do with it,
and leave the grilling
to the pros.
Two boxes for charcoal, Bobby.
Two boxes!
It's madness.
I know!
That really boils my...
Makes me want to...
Eh...
I gotta level with you, Dad.
I've just been picturing myself
on the roller coaster
the whole time
you were talking.
If the election
were held today,
I would vote for...
nobody!
I know that elections
don't happen today.
They happen on Tuesdays in
months ending in "vember."
Why do you want
to talk to my mother?
You know,
if I ever win the lotto,
I'm gonna buy this house,
knock it down
and build this house
on top of it.
I am so sick of people
calling and asking to speak with
the woman of the house
and then treating me like
the baby of the house.
Now, now, Luanne.
Let's not be the
crybaby of the house.
- Oh, my God.
- Look at this.
The Baxter Death Mansion
is on the market.
The scene of Arlen's
most notorious
crime of passion!
Also most exciting murder
ever to happen
in a laundry room.
Oh, yeah, I remember.
The handsome millionaire
and his girlfriend
were eloping to Switzerland,
but they were tragically stopped
by that crazy old woman
with the bad hair.
And her gun.
Luanne, that "crazy old woman"
was his wife.
The one who put him through
medical school.
Oh.
Why don't you go play
with someone your own age.
Hey, Connie baby-sitting
an eight-year-old.
Give him a shot.
Oh, my God.
It's an open house!
Ladies, get ready to
see five sunny bedrooms,
eat-in kitchen,
and murder.
Yep.
Yup.
Propane is excluded
from the Texas State Fair.
Boomhauer, are you insane?!
I just told you
they excluded propane!
You, too?!
First, Bobby, and now you guys?
Where's the outrage?
Rules are rules, Hank.
Without rules,
there would be chaos.
That's why we no longer
visit the public pool.
But... this is blatantly unfair!
Yeah, poor, poor Hank.
With his wife, and
his son, and his...
hair.
Nobody will let him
grill with propane.
Who's gonna show me
some rage?
Dang it, I should be
calming you people down,
telling you
there's no need for violence!
Aw...
Yeah, yeah, of course...
charcoal, propane, uh-huh.
Hank, it's just a rule.
I would never teach Italian
in my Spanish class,
even though they are practically
the same language.
Gotta go!
To really get ready
for the Tilt-a-Whirl,
I should've eaten a
few corn dogs first.
If you want it to feel like
the Tilt-a-Whirl,
you've got to tilt,
and snap your head around.
Children, stop that!
Play nicely!
What are you talking
about, Luanne?
Don't you sass me, young man!
I am your elder, and I am
to be treated with respect.
Wow.
If you're going to be butchered
by a spurned wife,
this would be
the place to do it.
Any questions, ladies?
No, that's okay.
We're just going to take
a quick look around.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm afraid we're only
showing this house
to potential buyers.
No looky-loos.
If you want to rubberneck,
there was a pileup
out on highway 183.
Looky-loos?
Thanks for coming.
Super. Just super.
I could see my family
very happy here.
Oh, wait...
there is one
potential deal breaker.
Is there a laundry room?
Is there a laundry room?!
We have got to come back.
If we do not get to
see that laundry room,
then the victim will
have died in vain.
Smell that, girl.
Is that the smell of
a second-class heat source?
Who's all this food for?
I don't even know any more.
No one cares.
Why not?
It smells so good.
Exactly. That's because
you're smelling the food!
See, if this were charcoal,
all you'd smell
is that dang smoke!
I hate smoke.
It makes my mouth taste like
I kissed a guy who smokes.
Not that you know
what it's like to kiss a guy.
Well, no, some guys do,
just not you.
No, not me.
But I see exactly
what you're saying.
You prefer a cleaner-
burning fuel.
That's what I was saying?
And... you agree with me?
Got dang right I do!
You know what, Luanne...
you just earned
yourself a burger!
Go ahead and pick one out.
...and that's why I decided
to go with State Farm.
Wow!
This is such a serious
grown-up conversation!
I'm so tired of everybody
treating me like a child.
Just because I live at home
and always have to bum rides,
I still should be
taken seriously.
Well, of course you should.
It's just like those people
at the fair
who won't take propane
seriously.
You know what?
I say we go down to that fair
and set up a propane grill
right across from
those stinky charcoal grills.
Let the people see
what they're missing!
You mean, like some sort of
crazy protest grill?
That's not the kind of thing
I normally go in for...
But they're
pushing around propane,
and propane doesn't have arms
to push back with.
Luanne... I'm in.
We're a team.
I want to celebrate!
Toss another bucket of
propane on the fire!
Uh, Luanne?
Maybe I should get you
some brochures.
What you doing, Uncle Hank?
What I've done is I've
married the cold precision
of the Vogner Char King
with the fiery passion
of the Hoffman Meat Meister.
I may have voided
all the warranties,
but I don't even care.
Look out, charcoal,
it's Supergrill!
Yeah, I can make a poster
with Supergrill wearing a cape
and saving people everywhere
with his magic rainbow of meats!
I get it.
It's a catchy image.
But...
and here's my criticism...
Okay, okay.
I'm an adult.
I can handle criticism.
Remember how you wanted
to be taken seriously?
Well, so does propane.
Sure a rainbow of meats
would be fun...
great for a kid's bedroom...
but we're looking
to change lives here.
I understand.
Great. Now we've got
a lot to do
with just three days
until the fair:
Build the grill,
print up the pamphlets,
fact-check the pamphlets,
design a char pattern.
And that's just for starters.
Hey, I bet I could get
some people down at the college
to help us.
I still know where it is!
That's a great idea!
Luanne, I am officially
designating you
recruitment coordinator.
That could have been us
protesting for propane
with Hank right now.
Gentlemen, we dodged
a very boring bullet.
I mean, I love ol' Hank, man,
but got dang man,
talkin' 'bout propane,
propane, propane, man,
How' 'bout talkin' 'bout
what I do for a living, man.
Poor Bobby, being
replaced by Luanne.
My dad replaced me
with TV and the bottle.
Hey, we should let Bobby hang
with us.
Seems the least we could do.
Now, when we ask him,
try not to seem too needy.
And if he says no,
pretend like we didn't
want him, anyway.
Vote no on Prop 12!
Stop the Otter slaughter!
Ban the Canon!
Wow, it looks like
you hate everything.
Do you think you could
hate charcoal, too?
I think you could persuade me.
Okay, everyone, let 'em hear it!
No blood for...
Hi!
Hi.
Hey.
'Sup?
Now, who's ready To put on
a serious protest
with me and Uncle Hank?
Charcoal is murder!
Ooh, that's so good.
Dude, things that are murder
is my thing.
Smoke is murder!
No blood for charcoal!
Uncle Hank is going
to be so excited!
Luanne, this Uncle Hank,
he's a real uncle,
not an older dude
who's, like,
your boyfriend, right?
You know what?
I am the babe around here.
I'm not going
to become the Mom.
Hey, Uncle Hank.
Oh, hey, Luanne.
How'd it go at the college?
Great! I got a team!
They're focused and committed.
I can't wait for you
to see all the signs we made.
Uh, no rainbows
or smiley faces, right?
Uncle Hank, we're looking
to change lives here.
Well, all right, Luanne.
Great job.
Just follow my lead
and get ready to gloat.
Oh, you gals don't
have jobs, do you?
Like I said:
Potential buyers only.
How's this for potential?
We will give you $200,000
over asking price.
Yeah, I bet you
didn't see that coming.
Now show us the
damn laundry room.
Peggy, what are you doing?
Relax, Nancy.
We're not really
going to buy the house.
We're just going
to put in a bogus bid,
and the whole thing
will fall apart during escrow.
Hey, looky-loos!
Out of my kitchen!
Of course, we will need
some earnest money.
Which, on your
generous offer, comes out to...
$15,000.
Fine.
Drive me to the bank.
Yep.
Yup.
Yep.
Okay.
So, Bobby, are you upset
by Luanne usurping
your first-born male right
of prima-grillature?
Are you kidding?
I'm just hoping she can throw
a football, too,
because then I'm home free!
That is a great attitude, Bobby.
You know, we should have done
this years ago.
So, I can see why
you guys like this,
but I've got two weeks'
allowance in my pocket
that's screaming state fair.
I say let's do it.
Dang ol' good call.
You're as good at telling me
what to do as your dad is.
Howdy, folks!
Today: Clog dancing unlimited,
State grill-off,
the world's smallest hippo.
Propane?
That's a fine fuel.
But it ain't no match
for a mesquite mix took
my Grandpa 19 years
to get perfect.
With all due respect, sir,
it's not a fair competition
unless all heat sources
are welcomed.
All we ask for
is an equal chance.
Well, a man can respect that.
Once my team gets here,
you will get all the steak
and information you need
to make an informed choice.
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
Your deadly smoke
has got to go!
Cough-cough! Choke-choke!
What the?
Oh, God, protest kids.
Get a job!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
Propane is the way to go!
Ready, everyone?
Finger of Shame!
Shame! Shame!
Hi, Uncle Hank!
Luanne?!
That gal is on your team?!
Sir, I swear to you, I...
'Kay everybody, die-in!
Luanne, what...
I can't...
What?!
Isn't this great?
No! It's horrible!
Didn't you hear a word I said?
Yes! I heard
all of them!
Look how serious we are.
Jason is dressed as Death.
What is more serious
than Death?
No! No! Luanne,
you're off the team!
What?! But I'm trying...
I don't care
what you're trying!
Now get away from my grill.
Luanne?
But we haven't
had our puke-in yet!
Luanne! Luanne!
I really do think
propane is great.
It's a better heat
source than charcoal.
It just is!
I, uh, know what
you're going through.
I'm old enough
to help propane by myself.
I'll show him.
I just have to figure out how.
And when.
You've got
to do something big.
You gotta get his attention,
like, move out of his house.
I mean, you could totally crash
with me.
Thursday night,
livestock show!
Free diabetes screenings!
I could crash with you...
or do something bigger.
Uh, sir?
That circus did not
represent propane.
If you would just
give propane another chance.
Sunday night,
salute to the Pecan,
Thursd...
Attention, Texas.
Charcoal is murder!!
Luanne?
Grill with propane!
If you don't use propane,
I'm going to stomp on you!
Um, how do I move the legs?
Taste the meat, not the heat!
Listen, Texas.
Our forests are dying
to make the charcoal
to burn the flesh of the cows
you've murdered!
But there is another way:
Propane.
Just be careful who you trust.
Dang it!
Yeah, we tried that.
She's got her own megaphone.
We can't do much
besides wait her out.
Shoot.
That's his first hit,
out of the dozen.
Lot of times, these kids
don't even nick me.
Are you just gonna take that?
Well, what with
the lawsuits and all...
But, as I say, we got it
under control.
Huh. Anyway, I have to ask you
to clear the area.
I'm not the one throwing eggs!
Sir, please don't make my
job any more difficult.
Ha, ha! Babylon is going down!
Take that, Herr Fuhrer!
There he is!
Hank Hill, who thinks
he's the only one
who cares about propane.
Shame on him!
Shame!
Shaaaaame!
LUANNE That's right,
run away!
Shaaaame!
Turn the wheel, Mr. Dauterive!
Turn the wheel!!
Bobby, this is what
it would look like
if Boomhauer and me had a baby.
So what should we do now,
Bobby?
Can I have a fried twinkie?
Wait!
Don't-don't leave me!
So, if we grill the forest,
where are, like, squirrels
supposed to live?
Luanne! Courage!
Can I get you
anything, please?!
A diet soda and...
maybe a sandwich.
Oh, and could you
bring me up a bucket?
I have to go
to the ladies room.
Mrs. Hill,
your mortgage payments
would be 300%
of your household income,
which is what we in the business
call a "tough nut."
I'm gonna level with you.
I just wanted to see
the freakin' laundry room!
Hmm. This is the
Baxter Death Mansion?
Yep. And Miss
"Number One on the Westside"
thinks you have to be a
millionaire just to get a peek.
I think we can
work something out.
I'm sending something down.
And you're sure
this thing is loud?
How's this?!
O-Okay, fine. I'll take it.
$55.99.
Stop that!
Boy, it's hot in here.
Where's my sandwich?
Luanne, can you hear me?
Yes.
Then get the heck down here!
You're acting like
a complete jackass!
Uh, sir,
you're not authorized
to negotiate with that subject.
This is my protest!
Why are you against me?!
I was trying to help you
with your propane!
Hank,
what's going on?
It's Luanne.
She's ticked off at me,
and she's commandeered Big Tex.
I've got to find some way
to get her down.
Aah, it's Big Tex!
Maybe you should ask Big Bob.
Hmm...
This is a lot like the time
I locked myself in my room
and wouldn't come out.
Do you remember
how you got me out?
Yeah. I put candy outside
your door and told you
you had five minutes
before I ate it.
Go for it, Dad.
Look, Luanne's an adult.
Treating her like a kid
is not gonna...
Oh, Lord.
Uh, sir, I think
I can get her down.
Uh, folks, I sort of have
to say something to my niece.
It's kind of private,
so if you could all put
your fingers in your ears...
All right. Fine.
Uh, Luanne,
I, uh, understand
why you're mad at me.
You did something
I don't agree with
and I, uh, treated you
like a child.
And that was wrong of me
because, uh...
I... owe you a lot.
Uh... but
working with you is, uh,
you know,
the whole reason
I'm even here today,
and even though I still think
what you're doing is asinine,
if you come down here, we can
talk about it... like adults.
Uncle Hank,
I'm coming down.
Well, this blows chunks.
Yeah!
Dude, you just
nailed a real cop!
Oh, crap!
Run!
A front-loader.
Wow!
Thanks for coming
down, Luanne.
Well, Officer,
I'm an adult now,
and I'm ready to do
what grown-up people do:
Go to jail.
Sir, I guess the two of us
are in this together.
I think my report is going to
say that while we were busy
with a violent situation,
a non-violent offender
walked off,
and we were unable
to locate her.
Come on, get out of here.
Thank you, officer.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Ms. Platter, I think
we'd better get out of here
while we still can.
Mr. Hill, I think you
have a very good point.
So I have to ask:
Is Big Tex as amazing inside
as he is from the outside?
Yeah.
You think you're gonna
be really nervous,
because, like,
he's Big Tex and all,
but, actually,
he's very down-to-earth.
Really, like being inside
of a regular giant guy.
A man of the people.
I knew it.
Ripped By mstoll
Howdy, folks.
Today: Steak grill-off.
Clog-dancing unlimited.
The world's smallest hippo.
Howdy.
Thursday night: Livestock show.
Free diabetes screenings.
Howdy.
Sunday night:
Salute to the pecan.
Talkin' 'bout an ol' propane,
propane, propane.