King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 16 - DaleTech - full transcript
Cotton plays detective when someone begins drinking Hank's grapefruit juice; and Dale tries to launch his own home security company.
Ripped By mstoll
Sync by XhmikosR
Yep.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Dale, what the heck
are you doing in my yard?
Giving it peace of mind.
"This is a bill for services
provided by... Daletech"?
That's my home
security company.
I've been providing
protection with my constant
surveillance for years.
Well, the free ride is over.
Hey, Hank.
Interested in lap dance?
No, Kahn.
I'm interested in you
putting a privacy hedge
in front of your
bathroom window.
We all have them.
Hank made me plant two hedges.
I agree.
The ugly and working class
should have privacy hedges.
But you don't keep
a Ferrari in the garage.
Can Daletech do anything
about getting me
a privacy hedge?
To be honest, we're more into
the invasion
of privacy business
than the creation
of privacy business.
Peggy, could you
hurry up with that toast?
I want to get out of here
before Kahn takes his shower.
Bobby? Did you drink
my grape fruit juice?
Yeah, sure, Dad.
I drank your grape fruit juice.
I had it with
a big bowl of broccoli.
No, I didn't.
Fine! Call your lawyer!
Steak and eggs.
Bloody, but not raw.
Grandpa!
Where's Grandma Didi
and G. H?
Gone to visit her folks.
I'm flopping here.
Oh, that's great, Dad.
You can sleep in the...
H-How long
will they be gone?
Summer, part of autumn.
Don't know.
Can't you stay
with anyone else?
Your war buddies?
Stinky, Stanky, Smelly?
They've all been shoved
into retirement homes.
Got useless and got locked up.
All except Topsy.
Topsy? Perfect!
You guys could
hang out at his place,
play checkers at his place.
He's playing checkers
with worms.
Died six months ago.
Damn him.
Hank, your wife
let the salt run out.
Which one's the salt?
Flour. Sugar.
Dog food.
Sody pop.
Look, Hank.
I realize Cotton
is your father
and you can't throw
him out on the street,
but the man drives me nuts.
We should send him
to senior daycare.
They have daycare for seniors?
It's the newest craze.
Since life expectancy
has spiraled out of control,
many nursery schools
are being converted
to accommodate seniors.
I'll pack him a sack lunch.
I couldn't do that to my dad.
He's just at loose ends.
You just missed the criminals
who did this, Hank.
Sure am glad
I'm protected by Daletech.
Were they about
five-foot, ten,
wearing a baseball cap
and about to get
their ass kicked by me?
- Um, it all happened so fast.
- I uh...
Hey, Hank! Look! Propane!
♪ It's a dead man's party ♪
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
Look at this, Hank's wife.
I've never seen a Far-Easterner
spend so much time primping.
Not now, Cotton.
I'm busy.
He got a half a bottle
of pomade in his hair.
That man gets near a flame,
he's going to look
like Chinese New Year.
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
Baking? Sewing?
Which one is it?
I am trying to make a crossword
puzzle for my Espanol class.
- I need a four-letterword...
- Tent! Food! Ammo!
Guns! Tojo!
Horse! No, that's five.
Cotton!
This is a Spanish crossword.
Oh! Taco! Bean!
Cuba! Peso! Agua!
Hey, Hank!
You forgot this!
Mucho! Lucho!
Grande! Enchilada!
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
Now all I need you
to do is staple
the Char-King
warranty cards
to the front
of the owner's manuals.
Think you can
handle that, Dad?
I made you, didn't I?
So I sees you
in the market for a grill.
Yes, sir.
Do you know if this
model is self-cleaning?
Like a cat.
All you gots to do is, eh...
push this red button.
So, uh, Dad,
I thought you might
enjoy this, uh,
well, social club.
You brought me to a brothel.
Sorry about the murals,
but we're still in transition.
Don't matter to me, madam.
Where can I transition
into my underpants?
Aw, did you have an accident?
You accept Blue Cross?
What kind of brothel is this?
It's an activity center.
It'll be fun, Dad.
Just give it a chance.
Bye!
I'm not sleepy!
Come on!
You think I'm used up?
I can outfight, out drink
and outdo anyone I know.
Hmm. Double murder
in Detroit last night,
wasn't protected by Daletech.
Oh, God.
What now?
Hello, Officers.
Uh, what kind of trouble
is my father in?
Sir, he's not in any trouble
now that we got him out
of that nursery school.
A war hero like your dad
still has a lot
to give to society.
I'm an auxiliary policeman now.
Sworn to serve and to protect.
What? Really?
With all the budget cuts,
our manpower's been
stretched to its limits.
That's why we started a senior
division of Citizens on Patrol.
Officer Hill.
Well, this is great, Dad.
So what do you actually do?
You hang out at the station?
Get the officers coffee?
Answer phones?
Nope.
I gots myself a real beat.
The cops said I'm the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
But Daletech's the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
Not anymore.
Well, I think that's,
that's...
You sassing me?
No!
Too tight. Too tight!
All right, I'm in charge
of keeping the peace now.
So if anyone thinks
I'm notworth the spit to shine a shoe,
they better be ready
to talk to me
and my partner,
Sgt. Whippy.
Oh, that's great, Dad.
But remember, you're supposed
to be the eyes and ears
of the neighborhood,
not the... whippy.
Damn that Cotton.
They'll never pay
for my Daletech service
now that he's working for free.
Nope, Cotton's got to go.
But he's got Hank behind him
and Hank's the alpha-neighbor.
I'm gamma or delta at best.
Well, I didn't get
to be president of Daletech
by playing by the rules.
So Operation Turn Everyone
Against Cotton
is in motion... now!
Sounds good, Sug.
Could you add the softener
when the washer dings?
Oh, I'll add the
softener on the ding.
I don't know, Hank.
Cotton working as a cop?
He has a terrible
human rights record.
Don't worry.
I checked
with the police department
and he doesn't have
any actual police authority.
Well, I'm off to chop down
that birdhouse.
Too much chirping
disturbs the peace.
Uh, Dad, I don't think
that's such a... dang it!
Who moved this coffee table?
First, my grapefruit
juice disappears.
Now, someone's moving
the coffee table.
Well, so you thinks someone
is breakin' in
and messin' with
your stuff, do ya?
No, Dad,
I'm sure it's nothing.
Oh, well, I got
some choppin' to do.
Hank's wife, we'll be having
sparrow eggs for
breakfast tomorrow.
But, uh, you know,
I'm not the police officer.
You are.
Would you be willing
to take on the case
of who's drinking my juice
and moving my coffee table?
Hot berk, I'd better get on it!
Cotton, that is an out door toy!
Ten-four, Manimal!
Hank, you can't really believe
that someone's
breaking in our house
just to drink
your grapefruit juice.
No, but it'll keep him
busy a while,
you know, out
of everyone's hair.
Hello, boys.
You off to play
a little marbles, mumbly peg
or king of the coffee table?!
We're gonna go shout
swear words into a sewer pipe.
Not anymore!
This street's on lockdown
till I find out
who's been messing
with your daddy's stuff.
Now move it!
Good work, Officer.
Those two looked like
some bad eggs all right.
Can it, Gribble.
Someone's been tapping
into my boy's grapefruit juice,
and I means to find out who.
Put your finger
down your throat.
Let me see
what's in your gullet.
Okay, but I'm allergic
to citrus.
I wish I wasn't
'cause all Bill talks about
is how good
grapefruit juice is.
It's like he's rubbing it
in my face.
Well, how do you like that?
A man who doesn't like juice
has a juicer.
Maybe I oughta squeeze
some truth out of you.
It was a wedding gift!
Dang it, wolfman!
Your belly beard
done burned out the motor.
I'm gonna get the Dirt Devil.
Dale, you have to believe me.
I didn't drink Hank's juice.
I know you didn't, Bill.
That power hungry
rent-a-cop
is just out to make
a name for himself.
I'm just as scared as you are.
You got to help me.
Well, you're not
a member of Daletech,
but I guess I could try to
intervene just this once.
Thank you, Daletech.
Sir, you did it!
Bill broke down and implicated
Boomhauer as the possible culprit.
Ah! You don't say.
Well, I guess I'd better
go pay Boomhauer a little visit.
I'm not gonna ask ya again.
Did ya drink
my boy's grapefruit juice?
Got dang, man, I didn't drink
nothing, man.
Talkin' bout just tryin'
to change my oil here, man.
I like mangos, man!
I believe ya.
The weight of a jalopy
always crushes the truth
out of a man.
He called your car a jalopy.
That is literally adding
insult to injury.
Dang it!
I don't know what kind of game
is being played around here,
but everybody in this house
knows
the toilet paper goes over...
front, not...
Don't look at me like that.
You know what I'm talking about.
You are as crazy as your father.
You know what that
old coot did to Luanne?
He cracked my driver's license
in half
with a big snakey thing
because I didn't blinker.
And he made me go to bed
at 3:30 in the afternoon.
Look, I know Dad can be a pain,
but I haven't seen this kind
of spark in him
in a long time.
Besides, Luanne never uses
her turn signal
and Bobby gets cranky
around 4:00.
Look, Hank Hill, I'm wearing
a bikini made of suds!
Now, I understand
why lion tamers
get mauled every so often.
Boy, I gotta tell ya, Hank,
things sure have gone to hell
ever since Cotton
got that badge.
Yeah, maybe
that's partly my fault.
I guess I'd better have
a sit-down with him.
Hmm, that might not be
a good idea.
Cotton's self-esteem
is as fragile as his elderly hips.
Hey, maybe we should have
a neighborhood meeting
to let people
blow off some steam in private.
You know, a bull session?
That's not a bad idea, Dale.
You're right.
It's not a bad idea.
Not a bad idea at all.
It's the beer.
I just want to start
this meeting off
by acknowledging
that my Dad can be
a handful sometimes.
A handful of crap!
I thought we were
supposed to vent.
Go ahead.
It's a safe environment.
What's said here, stays here.
He pulled my belly hairs
with a juicer!
It took me 16 years to get
my first driver's license.
I'm too old to start over!
He keeps on pressing me
to name Connie as a Communist.
I had to!
You were right, Gribble.
They are all plotting
against me.
We should rub grapefruitjuice
in his eye.
And slap him on a bus
with a sack lunch!
All right!
I'm arresting everybody here
for conspiring to slander
a police officer.
What? Dad, that's crazy.
And you...
All that stuff you claim's
been messed with...
How do I know
it ain't an inside job?
Maybe ya done it
for the insurance money.
You think I insure my juice
against being drunk?
Shush it!
You're all suspects.
Now, if you cuff yourselves
it'll save ya a beatin'.
Start cuffin'!
No, don't hurt me?
Give me my whip, boy.
No.
Dang it, Dad,
you're out of control.
There is no mystery.
I just gave you that
as busy work,
but you even managed
to screw that up.
But I'm a cop.
I keeps the peace.
I'm protecting the... juice.
Someone moves the table, I...
Dad, you're not a cop.
Now give me your badge.
I don't want to have
to call the real police.
Daletech, for all
your home security needs.
Daletech, for all your home
security needs.
So, who wants the
new introductory surveillance package?
For an extra 30 bucks a month,
you'll get a closed circuit
feed of Bill's house.
It puts it all
in perspective, believe me.
I believe you.
So where is Cotton?
Let me guess.
Did he get busted down to doing
cross-guard duty?
No. He's making macaroni art
down at the Sunset Day Center.
Really? He's back in graycare?
I thought he had more fight
in him than that.
No. Losing that badge seemed
to really take it out of him.
Well, I better go pick him up.
Well, maybe I'll come along
and bring the colonel a balloon.
Not as a potential client.
Just as a guy, you know,
who's down and could...
could use a balloon.
Hey, Peeping Tom!
After speed walk,
I take shower.
See you in half an hour.
No hedge!
I see you painted a picture.
This must be a
symbolic painting
of how he feels inside.
Is this how you feel inside?
Sorta.
Yup. See? That's
you, Hank, yelling,
and embarrassing him
in front of everyone.
Ooh! There's me!
Come on, Dad.
You can finish that tomorrow.
Hey, Dad, want
to grab a beer in the alley?
No. I'm just gonna go to bed.
I need to get up early
and find three aerosol can tops
for my craft project.
Boy, I hate to see
your dad like this.
Why don't I just
look after him
so he doesn't have
to go back to that place tomorrow?
You'd do that?
Sure. Daletech's a bust.
Guess it's the wrong
economic climate
to be an expensive,
poorly trained visionary.
You really shouldn't
feel so worthless.
I'm much more
of a burden on my family,
and I feel great.
The show's over.
I can't stand to see
you like this, sir.
I'm the one who broke you,
so I'm going to fix this.
Hey, did you ever see
One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest?
You're
Jack Nicholson.
Are you crazy?!
This might be easier
if you lie down.
Now you're showing
some life? Geez!
This kind of
complicates things.
Wait!
I know that smell!
Someone has been monkeying
around in my boy's house!
And I know who it is!
Good for you, sir!
Hot berk,
I'm not some old screwup!
Now all I need is some proof.
Gribble, I'm hiring Daletech!
Oh, no!
I've soiled myself!
It's okay, sir!
They'll change you at
the Sunset Day Center,
where we will be all day!
The trap has been set.
Now the waiting begins.
God, the waiting is
interminable, isn't it?
Hello, Mr. Kahn.
I don't know what
you are talking about.
You think I drink juice and
move hillbilly furniture around?
I know you did.
Nobody in my boy's house,
or even this neighborhood,
uses pomade.
I can smell it on you,
and I can smell it
on this pillow.
Now, confess.
You have no proof.
Who gonna believe you?
You just some crazy old man.
Oh, yeah?
Hello?
Coast clear.
Hey, slow down.
That juice expensive for
poor hillbillies like us.
Oh, you right.
I shouldn't have done that.
I'm a very bad
redneck, Peggy Hill.
Okay, you caught me.
I drink Hank's juice.
Let's call it a day.
Hey, you...
Mmm! Maybe I teach you a lesson.
After all, I'm always blabbing
about being
a substitute teacher.
Does Hank Hill know about this?
If he did, you
wouldn't be alive.
You look as sexy to me as
propane tank, I tell you what.
I promise never to do it again.
We go back
to library reading room
if we need cheap thrill.
Please don't tell Hank Hill.
I give you anything you want.
I don't need anything from you,
but my boy does.
I want you to give
him his privacy hedge.
You're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna build it,
and you're going
to thank him for the privilege.
And you have to subscribe
to a year
of Daletech services.
Dah! Okay. Hey,
this tape pretty good.
Can I keep it?
Huh! I didn't even
know there was a case,
and you solved it.
Who would have
guessed it was Kahn?
I didn't guess, boy.
I did some
old-fashioned police work.
Well, however you
did it, good job.
Officer Hill,
Rainey Street thanks you.
You impersonating an officer,
boy?
Put that hand down.
I still don't
see what's so funny
about you sneaking in my house
just to move stuff around.
Oh, yeah, it real
funny in Laos.
Number one reality show.
Ripped By mstoll
Sync by XhmikosR
Ten-four, Manimal!
Sync by XhmikosR
Yep.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Dale, what the heck
are you doing in my yard?
Giving it peace of mind.
"This is a bill for services
provided by... Daletech"?
That's my home
security company.
I've been providing
protection with my constant
surveillance for years.
Well, the free ride is over.
Hey, Hank.
Interested in lap dance?
No, Kahn.
I'm interested in you
putting a privacy hedge
in front of your
bathroom window.
We all have them.
Hank made me plant two hedges.
I agree.
The ugly and working class
should have privacy hedges.
But you don't keep
a Ferrari in the garage.
Can Daletech do anything
about getting me
a privacy hedge?
To be honest, we're more into
the invasion
of privacy business
than the creation
of privacy business.
Peggy, could you
hurry up with that toast?
I want to get out of here
before Kahn takes his shower.
Bobby? Did you drink
my grape fruit juice?
Yeah, sure, Dad.
I drank your grape fruit juice.
I had it with
a big bowl of broccoli.
No, I didn't.
Fine! Call your lawyer!
Steak and eggs.
Bloody, but not raw.
Grandpa!
Where's Grandma Didi
and G. H?
Gone to visit her folks.
I'm flopping here.
Oh, that's great, Dad.
You can sleep in the...
H-How long
will they be gone?
Summer, part of autumn.
Don't know.
Can't you stay
with anyone else?
Your war buddies?
Stinky, Stanky, Smelly?
They've all been shoved
into retirement homes.
Got useless and got locked up.
All except Topsy.
Topsy? Perfect!
You guys could
hang out at his place,
play checkers at his place.
He's playing checkers
with worms.
Died six months ago.
Damn him.
Hank, your wife
let the salt run out.
Which one's the salt?
Flour. Sugar.
Dog food.
Sody pop.
Look, Hank.
I realize Cotton
is your father
and you can't throw
him out on the street,
but the man drives me nuts.
We should send him
to senior daycare.
They have daycare for seniors?
It's the newest craze.
Since life expectancy
has spiraled out of control,
many nursery schools
are being converted
to accommodate seniors.
I'll pack him a sack lunch.
I couldn't do that to my dad.
He's just at loose ends.
You just missed the criminals
who did this, Hank.
Sure am glad
I'm protected by Daletech.
Were they about
five-foot, ten,
wearing a baseball cap
and about to get
their ass kicked by me?
- Um, it all happened so fast.
- I uh...
Hey, Hank! Look! Propane!
♪ It's a dead man's party ♪
♪ Who could ask for more? ♪
Look at this, Hank's wife.
I've never seen a Far-Easterner
spend so much time primping.
Not now, Cotton.
I'm busy.
He got a half a bottle
of pomade in his hair.
That man gets near a flame,
he's going to look
like Chinese New Year.
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
Baking? Sewing?
Which one is it?
I am trying to make a crossword
puzzle for my Espanol class.
- I need a four-letterword...
- Tent! Food! Ammo!
Guns! Tojo!
Horse! No, that's five.
Cotton!
This is a Spanish crossword.
Oh! Taco! Bean!
Cuba! Peso! Agua!
Hey, Hank!
You forgot this!
Mucho! Lucho!
Grande! Enchilada!
What ya doing?
Some kind of woman's work?
Now all I need you
to do is staple
the Char-King
warranty cards
to the front
of the owner's manuals.
Think you can
handle that, Dad?
I made you, didn't I?
So I sees you
in the market for a grill.
Yes, sir.
Do you know if this
model is self-cleaning?
Like a cat.
All you gots to do is, eh...
push this red button.
So, uh, Dad,
I thought you might
enjoy this, uh,
well, social club.
You brought me to a brothel.
Sorry about the murals,
but we're still in transition.
Don't matter to me, madam.
Where can I transition
into my underpants?
Aw, did you have an accident?
You accept Blue Cross?
What kind of brothel is this?
It's an activity center.
It'll be fun, Dad.
Just give it a chance.
Bye!
I'm not sleepy!
Come on!
You think I'm used up?
I can outfight, out drink
and outdo anyone I know.
Hmm. Double murder
in Detroit last night,
wasn't protected by Daletech.
Oh, God.
What now?
Hello, Officers.
Uh, what kind of trouble
is my father in?
Sir, he's not in any trouble
now that we got him out
of that nursery school.
A war hero like your dad
still has a lot
to give to society.
I'm an auxiliary policeman now.
Sworn to serve and to protect.
What? Really?
With all the budget cuts,
our manpower's been
stretched to its limits.
That's why we started a senior
division of Citizens on Patrol.
Officer Hill.
Well, this is great, Dad.
So what do you actually do?
You hang out at the station?
Get the officers coffee?
Answer phones?
Nope.
I gots myself a real beat.
The cops said I'm the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
But Daletech's the eyes
and ears of Rainy Street.
Not anymore.
Well, I think that's,
that's...
You sassing me?
No!
Too tight. Too tight!
All right, I'm in charge
of keeping the peace now.
So if anyone thinks
I'm notworth the spit to shine a shoe,
they better be ready
to talk to me
and my partner,
Sgt. Whippy.
Oh, that's great, Dad.
But remember, you're supposed
to be the eyes and ears
of the neighborhood,
not the... whippy.
Damn that Cotton.
They'll never pay
for my Daletech service
now that he's working for free.
Nope, Cotton's got to go.
But he's got Hank behind him
and Hank's the alpha-neighbor.
I'm gamma or delta at best.
Well, I didn't get
to be president of Daletech
by playing by the rules.
So Operation Turn Everyone
Against Cotton
is in motion... now!
Sounds good, Sug.
Could you add the softener
when the washer dings?
Oh, I'll add the
softener on the ding.
I don't know, Hank.
Cotton working as a cop?
He has a terrible
human rights record.
Don't worry.
I checked
with the police department
and he doesn't have
any actual police authority.
Well, I'm off to chop down
that birdhouse.
Too much chirping
disturbs the peace.
Uh, Dad, I don't think
that's such a... dang it!
Who moved this coffee table?
First, my grapefruit
juice disappears.
Now, someone's moving
the coffee table.
Well, so you thinks someone
is breakin' in
and messin' with
your stuff, do ya?
No, Dad,
I'm sure it's nothing.
Oh, well, I got
some choppin' to do.
Hank's wife, we'll be having
sparrow eggs for
breakfast tomorrow.
But, uh, you know,
I'm not the police officer.
You are.
Would you be willing
to take on the case
of who's drinking my juice
and moving my coffee table?
Hot berk, I'd better get on it!
Cotton, that is an out door toy!
Ten-four, Manimal!
Hank, you can't really believe
that someone's
breaking in our house
just to drink
your grapefruit juice.
No, but it'll keep him
busy a while,
you know, out
of everyone's hair.
Hello, boys.
You off to play
a little marbles, mumbly peg
or king of the coffee table?!
We're gonna go shout
swear words into a sewer pipe.
Not anymore!
This street's on lockdown
till I find out
who's been messing
with your daddy's stuff.
Now move it!
Good work, Officer.
Those two looked like
some bad eggs all right.
Can it, Gribble.
Someone's been tapping
into my boy's grapefruit juice,
and I means to find out who.
Put your finger
down your throat.
Let me see
what's in your gullet.
Okay, but I'm allergic
to citrus.
I wish I wasn't
'cause all Bill talks about
is how good
grapefruit juice is.
It's like he's rubbing it
in my face.
Well, how do you like that?
A man who doesn't like juice
has a juicer.
Maybe I oughta squeeze
some truth out of you.
It was a wedding gift!
Dang it, wolfman!
Your belly beard
done burned out the motor.
I'm gonna get the Dirt Devil.
Dale, you have to believe me.
I didn't drink Hank's juice.
I know you didn't, Bill.
That power hungry
rent-a-cop
is just out to make
a name for himself.
I'm just as scared as you are.
You got to help me.
Well, you're not
a member of Daletech,
but I guess I could try to
intervene just this once.
Thank you, Daletech.
Sir, you did it!
Bill broke down and implicated
Boomhauer as the possible culprit.
Ah! You don't say.
Well, I guess I'd better
go pay Boomhauer a little visit.
I'm not gonna ask ya again.
Did ya drink
my boy's grapefruit juice?
Got dang, man, I didn't drink
nothing, man.
Talkin' bout just tryin'
to change my oil here, man.
I like mangos, man!
I believe ya.
The weight of a jalopy
always crushes the truth
out of a man.
He called your car a jalopy.
That is literally adding
insult to injury.
Dang it!
I don't know what kind of game
is being played around here,
but everybody in this house
knows
the toilet paper goes over...
front, not...
Don't look at me like that.
You know what I'm talking about.
You are as crazy as your father.
You know what that
old coot did to Luanne?
He cracked my driver's license
in half
with a big snakey thing
because I didn't blinker.
And he made me go to bed
at 3:30 in the afternoon.
Look, I know Dad can be a pain,
but I haven't seen this kind
of spark in him
in a long time.
Besides, Luanne never uses
her turn signal
and Bobby gets cranky
around 4:00.
Look, Hank Hill, I'm wearing
a bikini made of suds!
Now, I understand
why lion tamers
get mauled every so often.
Boy, I gotta tell ya, Hank,
things sure have gone to hell
ever since Cotton
got that badge.
Yeah, maybe
that's partly my fault.
I guess I'd better have
a sit-down with him.
Hmm, that might not be
a good idea.
Cotton's self-esteem
is as fragile as his elderly hips.
Hey, maybe we should have
a neighborhood meeting
to let people
blow off some steam in private.
You know, a bull session?
That's not a bad idea, Dale.
You're right.
It's not a bad idea.
Not a bad idea at all.
It's the beer.
I just want to start
this meeting off
by acknowledging
that my Dad can be
a handful sometimes.
A handful of crap!
I thought we were
supposed to vent.
Go ahead.
It's a safe environment.
What's said here, stays here.
He pulled my belly hairs
with a juicer!
It took me 16 years to get
my first driver's license.
I'm too old to start over!
He keeps on pressing me
to name Connie as a Communist.
I had to!
You were right, Gribble.
They are all plotting
against me.
We should rub grapefruitjuice
in his eye.
And slap him on a bus
with a sack lunch!
All right!
I'm arresting everybody here
for conspiring to slander
a police officer.
What? Dad, that's crazy.
And you...
All that stuff you claim's
been messed with...
How do I know
it ain't an inside job?
Maybe ya done it
for the insurance money.
You think I insure my juice
against being drunk?
Shush it!
You're all suspects.
Now, if you cuff yourselves
it'll save ya a beatin'.
Start cuffin'!
No, don't hurt me?
Give me my whip, boy.
No.
Dang it, Dad,
you're out of control.
There is no mystery.
I just gave you that
as busy work,
but you even managed
to screw that up.
But I'm a cop.
I keeps the peace.
I'm protecting the... juice.
Someone moves the table, I...
Dad, you're not a cop.
Now give me your badge.
I don't want to have
to call the real police.
Daletech, for all
your home security needs.
Daletech, for all your home
security needs.
So, who wants the
new introductory surveillance package?
For an extra 30 bucks a month,
you'll get a closed circuit
feed of Bill's house.
It puts it all
in perspective, believe me.
I believe you.
So where is Cotton?
Let me guess.
Did he get busted down to doing
cross-guard duty?
No. He's making macaroni art
down at the Sunset Day Center.
Really? He's back in graycare?
I thought he had more fight
in him than that.
No. Losing that badge seemed
to really take it out of him.
Well, I better go pick him up.
Well, maybe I'll come along
and bring the colonel a balloon.
Not as a potential client.
Just as a guy, you know,
who's down and could...
could use a balloon.
Hey, Peeping Tom!
After speed walk,
I take shower.
See you in half an hour.
No hedge!
I see you painted a picture.
This must be a
symbolic painting
of how he feels inside.
Is this how you feel inside?
Sorta.
Yup. See? That's
you, Hank, yelling,
and embarrassing him
in front of everyone.
Ooh! There's me!
Come on, Dad.
You can finish that tomorrow.
Hey, Dad, want
to grab a beer in the alley?
No. I'm just gonna go to bed.
I need to get up early
and find three aerosol can tops
for my craft project.
Boy, I hate to see
your dad like this.
Why don't I just
look after him
so he doesn't have
to go back to that place tomorrow?
You'd do that?
Sure. Daletech's a bust.
Guess it's the wrong
economic climate
to be an expensive,
poorly trained visionary.
You really shouldn't
feel so worthless.
I'm much more
of a burden on my family,
and I feel great.
The show's over.
I can't stand to see
you like this, sir.
I'm the one who broke you,
so I'm going to fix this.
Hey, did you ever see
One Flew Over
the Cuckoo's Nest?
You're
Jack Nicholson.
Are you crazy?!
This might be easier
if you lie down.
Now you're showing
some life? Geez!
This kind of
complicates things.
Wait!
I know that smell!
Someone has been monkeying
around in my boy's house!
And I know who it is!
Good for you, sir!
Hot berk,
I'm not some old screwup!
Now all I need is some proof.
Gribble, I'm hiring Daletech!
Oh, no!
I've soiled myself!
It's okay, sir!
They'll change you at
the Sunset Day Center,
where we will be all day!
The trap has been set.
Now the waiting begins.
God, the waiting is
interminable, isn't it?
Hello, Mr. Kahn.
I don't know what
you are talking about.
You think I drink juice and
move hillbilly furniture around?
I know you did.
Nobody in my boy's house,
or even this neighborhood,
uses pomade.
I can smell it on you,
and I can smell it
on this pillow.
Now, confess.
You have no proof.
Who gonna believe you?
You just some crazy old man.
Oh, yeah?
Hello?
Coast clear.
Hey, slow down.
That juice expensive for
poor hillbillies like us.
Oh, you right.
I shouldn't have done that.
I'm a very bad
redneck, Peggy Hill.
Okay, you caught me.
I drink Hank's juice.
Let's call it a day.
Hey, you...
Mmm! Maybe I teach you a lesson.
After all, I'm always blabbing
about being
a substitute teacher.
Does Hank Hill know about this?
If he did, you
wouldn't be alive.
You look as sexy to me as
propane tank, I tell you what.
I promise never to do it again.
We go back
to library reading room
if we need cheap thrill.
Please don't tell Hank Hill.
I give you anything you want.
I don't need anything from you,
but my boy does.
I want you to give
him his privacy hedge.
You're gonna pay for it,
you're gonna build it,
and you're going
to thank him for the privilege.
And you have to subscribe
to a year
of Daletech services.
Dah! Okay. Hey,
this tape pretty good.
Can I keep it?
Huh! I didn't even
know there was a case,
and you solved it.
Who would have
guessed it was Kahn?
I didn't guess, boy.
I did some
old-fashioned police work.
Well, however you
did it, good job.
Officer Hill,
Rainey Street thanks you.
You impersonating an officer,
boy?
Put that hand down.
I still don't
see what's so funny
about you sneaking in my house
just to move stuff around.
Oh, yeah, it real
funny in Laos.
Number one reality show.
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