King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 13 - Cheer Factor - full transcript
Peggy takes over as coach of the cheerleading squad, and switches the girls from elaborate dance routines to violent spectacle.
Ripped By mstoll
And Joseph Gribble
is sacked for another loss.
Common name.
No relation.
Come on,
we're still in this game.
Just two touchdowns, a couple
of two-point conversions,
an onside kick, and we're
just a field goal behind.
Come on,
let's make some noise!
Boo!
Go, Arlen!
Go, Arlen!
Go, Arlen.
Oh, here come the cheerleaders.
You think maybe they will do
a real cheer just this once?
All right, ladies, let's go!
♪ Here we go! ♪
♪ It's Tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time ♪
♪ It's Tricky ♪
How's that firing anybody up?
Use the mascot!
Look at Bobby.
He's just twiddling
his hooves.
♪ Tr-Tr-Tr-Tricky, Tricky... ♪
And that's the ball game!
The Longhorns lose
their fourth straight.
Principal Moss...
who drives a black Altima
usually parked
in front of the school...
thanks you for attending.
♪ That's right on time,
it's Tricky, it's tricky... ♪
Whatever happened
to cheerleaders
actually cheering?
Alice Bullard.
She was the best cheer coach
I have ever seen.
And she was 98 years old.
I wonder whatever happened to
that woman. You know, I remember
my junior year
in a game against Belton.
I just didn't have it,
but then our cheerleaders
started their
"Be Aggressive" cheer,
and I was, and we won.
Hank, I'm going
to do us all a favor.
I am gonna help that new cheerleading
coach get her act together.
I really did stay sweet.
Peggy Hill at your service.
Great. Grab a handle...
this thing weighs a ton.
Wow, I feel like I'm already
making an impact.
Now, how else can I help you
get the cheerleaders on track?
On track? Does this look like the vest
of a coach who's not on track?
FYI, we've had two wins
at the Slim-Fast
Invitational,
and one at Tampax.
Yes, yes, very impressive.
But I have noticed
that the cheerleaders
are not really spending any time
backing the football team.
The cheer squad
doesn't get trophies
for how good
the football team does.
We get 'em for
Motion and Dance,
Basket Tosses, Jumps,
and Attitude!
You know, cheerleading
has changed since your day.
Wait...
you never had a day, did you?
You weren't a cheerleader.
No, but only because
people who thought they knew me,
but clearly did not,
would not let me.
Welcome aboard!
Oh, and that mat has to go
all the way over there.
So Peggy's gonna help coach
the cheerleaders at Landry.
She says they're
gonna do real cheers.
Good, but what we need to do
is get rid of Principal Moss.
Maybe I should put
bourbon in his thermos
and try to knock
him off the wagon.
Don't worry, he can't hide behind
improved test scores forever.
Hank! Dinner!
Excuse me, fellas.
I've got to go have dinner
with a cheerleader.
Why does everything
good happen to Hank?
Cheerleaders.
Why does everybody think
they're so special?
I could be covering the debate
tournament finals right now.
Your mom's a cheerleader?
Wow!
I thought that was just
more of her big talk.
Maybe she really did see
Dan Rather at the mall.
Okay, girls,
who's ready to make some noise?
Right. Our first lesson will be
how to make some noise.
I don't have time for this.
I need a new
top-of-the-pyramid.
We've just lost
our lightest girl to homeschooling.
Problem understood and solved.
But how?
Connie,
how would you like to be
the top of the pyramid?
- Huh?
- And...
Nice hang time.
You want to be a cheerleader?
Me?! Are you kidding?!
Hey, smart girl from
my algebra class,
why are you dressed
like a cheerleader?
Because I, um...
am a cheerleader.
Cool. Well, you want to
come to a sleep-over?
We're gonna sit around
and make fun of everybody.
Cheer One this is Cheer Two.
If you can hear me,
give me a "Y."
Oh, you could not look any cuter
if you were dangling a kitten.
It's amazing... I put on this outfit,
and it's, like...
What's the opposite
of invisible?
I've never had to know.
Thank you, Mrs. Hill.
Okay, girls, who's ready
to turn this mother out?!
M.C. Hammer is!
Get in formation.
Or...
we could get the crowd
into the game.
How about a cheer?
Go... Longhorns!
Peggy, the last thing we need
is for our cheerleaders to
be distracted by the game.
What I do need
is for you to find my purse.
Find your purse?
Yes.
Oh, and go tell
Karen Smelko I said hi.
She's on the fourth row up,
not counting the first row.
: I will get the purse,
but I am undecided
on the greeting.
Sorry I'm late... took
longer than I thought
to wash the eggs off my car.
Sorry I'm late...
it took longer than I thought
to egg Moss's car.
Hey, Peggy, shouldn't
you be down there
spelling things
with your arms?
No, Hank,
I have a different job.
Karen Smelko?
Arlen has the ball,
fourth and goal...
and they're going for it!
They haven't converted
a fourth down all season.
They're gonna need
the crowd behind them.
Okay, let's take a break.
We've got
our '80s Mega-Mix coming up.
Where are they going?
They're braiding
each other's hair?!
That does it!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
Come on!
Let's help our boys
before it's too late!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
You heard them... let's push that ball
with all your might!
Ho, yeah!
Hey, Hank,
your wife just reminded me
of why I love football...
winning!
See, Moss?
We need more of that
and less of this.
...and because
of you and your chanting,
Francine just nailed a standing
back flip that no one saw!
That was something, Peggy.
Look, how would you like
to replace Jo Rita
as the cheerleading coach?
Me? Well, I...
Excuse me one moment.
Peggy, you know we're supposed
to keep this channel open
for uniform emergencies.
Sorry, I just wanted you to give
Karen Smelko a message from me.
Principal Moss just made me
the new cheerleading coach!
What?! I...
Attention, ladies.
Where's Jo Rita?
It is not important
where she is.
What is important
is why she is not here.
Why is she not here?
Because she did not understand
the role of a cheerleader:
To get the fans fired up,
to bring the crowd
into the game,
to give our team
the extra edge
that can turn a narrow defeat
into a certain victory.
Do we still get
to wear our uniforms
to school on Fridays?
Yes.
Okay.
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might.
Whoo!
Yeah!
What ball
is she talking about?
Do the two-point conversion
cheer!
Hey, there, coach,
whatcha gonna do?
Are you going to kick
or go for two?
Perhaps I didn't set that up
properly.
We would do that cheer
after we've scored,
but only when it would be
advantageous
for us to get two points.
Once again from the top.
Hey, there, coach...
Well, this is all
going to hell.
Oh, man.
I can't have bored kids
at an assembly.
It's asking for trouble.
I'm going to cue the band.
Oh, no! No! Not the band!
Okay, I can't save
the cougar for the finale.
Misty, put this on and chase
your tail like an idiot.
It won't fit!
Yes, it will.
It'll fit.
Come on.
It's for the team!
Yeah, kill that cougar!
Yeah!
Yeah! Choke it!
Quick, everybody,
beat the crap out of Misty!
What?
Stupid!
Kick its butt, Connie!
Ladies, I have learned
something today.
People like violence.
From now on we will demoralize
their teams
by systematically
mock-secuting their mascots.
Everyone, take a knife!
Is it stab-and-stab?
No, it's stab and a-stab.
Okay, let's have a run-through.
Misty, get in
the cougar costume.
The costume smells like a butt.
And it's really more of a job
for an ugly girl.
I'll do it!
Hey, there, hi, there,
we won't gloat.
We'll stab the cougar
in the throat
And when at last
the cougar's dead,
we'll make him see
red red red red!
I am slain!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
I'm so...
cold.
No hats in
the lunchroom, Dooley.
Take it off.
I'll die in these horns.
Hey, Peggy!
Why don't you sit with us today?
Sweet Jesus. The cool table.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jo Rita.
Pull up the stepladder.
You know, Jo Rita,
I could use some help.
You want me
to find your purse?
I want you to be my assistant.
I'd love to.
So, Peggy, give us the scoop.
What have you got planned
for the Yellow Jackets
this weekend?
Well, we have
this yellow jacket costume
and we're going
to put someone in it
and we're going to stab it!
That's it?
Another stabbing?
Hey, maybe doing
the same thing over and over again
will be our thing.
It won't be boring.
No! It'll be comforting!
Ladies, we have a problem.
Knife play
is just not enough anymore.
Ideas! Yellow Jacket! Go!
We could rip open its thorax
and stuff it
with its own abdomen?
Bobby, how is your death rattle?
Great! Now, who do
we play after that?
The Boswell Bears.
Okay, okay. Now, how do you make
a bear suffer?
Tie it up and torture its young.
There's no mascot
we can't torture.
Okay, Jo Rita, who's next?
The Tornados.
How are you going
to kill a tornado?
Shoot it.
Good news.
Because of all
the school spirit,
game attendance is up.
I know!
The ushers cannot keep up
with the after-game garbage.
Yeah, but none of this will mean
anything
unless we beat McMaynerbury
at Homecoming.
Peggy, I'm giving you
the halftime show.
It will be my finest hour.
Now, who is McMaynerbury?
The Fighting Irish.
Fighting, fighting...
fi... fly... flying...
fly on the wall...
Maybe the other part...
the Irish,
That's got to be
fertile territory.
Irish, Irish, flyrish.
No, don't force it.
Let it come to you, Peggy.
People have made fun
of the Irish in the past.
Maybe you can build
on their work.
You know, my husband keeps
several ethnic joke
books in the bathroom.
I'll find something good.
Longhorns! Longhorns!
And that's the end
of the first half,
with the Longhorns leading 31-2!
Well, the playoffs are a lock.
Peggy says the halftime show
is going to be
high school caliber.
Okay, girls, this is it.
Misty, grab the rainbow.
Everyone else get out
your shillelaghs.
Beating sticks.
Where's Jo Rita?
The buckets of blood
are in her car.
All right!
Go! Go!
I'm so glad you could make it,
Mr. Flannery,
Mr. Finnerty,
Mrs. O'Brien-Diaz.
And now if you'll direct your
attention to the 50-yard line
for a special presentation
by the Longhorn cheerleaders!
Here, use my binoculars.
I brought enough
for everybody.
Top of the morning to ya, Arlen!
I'm Irish!
I hope I don't die
from a wee bit
of the consumption!
Sorry, Fighting Irishman,
but your jig is up!
Beat him! Get him!
Beat him! Beat him!
Beat him! Beat him!
Are they ever coming out
of there?
I bet they're trying
to keep the quarterback
from crying.
My legs have fallen asleep.
Oh! Ah!
Okay. We are in their heads.
Right now,
they are in there wishing
they joined the tennis team.
Uh, Peggy, The Fighting Irish
ain't coming out.
Oh, my God.
We have cheered them
into submission!
Actually, they're protesting
the game.
What? Why?
'Cause of what you did
to that leprechaun.
Peggy, they're saying you
committed a hate crime.
Aw, there goes me liver.
I can't believe
the school board
is thinking about
taking our win away.
As long as we stand firm,
we've got nothing
to worry about.
Now, I can take a joke as well
as the next person,
but Peggy Hill has gone too far.
What she did on that field
is no different than what
the British have been doing
to our brothers in Ulster
for the last 800 years...
the forced labor,
the seizure of property,
the stifling and oppression
of our precious mother tongue.
Longadh beatha
Eire a Cliamhuinn a Eire!!
I have no idea
what he just said,
but I do know that McMaynerbury
refused to play.
They forfeited the game.
And after the game,
someone called me "Pat"
in the parking lot.
It is my name,
but they had
no way of knowing that.
This ain't good, Moss.
They're going to take
away our win.
Do something.
Now, hold on.
It'd be a shame to take
this win away from our boys
just' cause of Peggy.
That would be blaming
the victim!
What?! You were all behind me
when it was the Cougars and
the Bears and the Mudhawks.
It would have been disrespectful
of me
not to bludgeon the Irishman.
Peggy, shush.
Whatever the board decides,
I want you to know,
I am proud of you.
And maybe I did get caught up
in my own popularity
and lose my focus,
because it's really not about
torture or beatings,
or maiming per se.
It's about backing your team
and inspiring them to victory.
Good news, Peggy.
They let us keep our "W."
We're going to the playoffs!
Woo-hoo!
The big dance!
Well, don't worry,
my team is ready.
Sorry, Peggy.
I'm going to have to ask you
to stop using words
like "team" and "my."
I'm putting Jo Rita
back in charge.
What? Jo Rita?!
Now, you can keep
teaching Spanish,
but we're going to have
to keep an eye out in
case you decide
to go after those people.
This is crazy.
The only thing I hate is
watching dance routines
while our team
loses another game.
Peggy, why don't you show these
girls how to lose gracefully.
I will not.
And if I go,
the cheerleaders will go
in a V-formation
right behind me.
Right, girls?
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hill,
but we like being
cheerleaders... a lot.
We feel so bad.
You, too, Connie?
I can't go back.
I'm sorry.
We'll need you
to turn in your vest...
you know, for future
coaches named Peggy.
Uh, Peggy,
me and the boy have worked up
a little something here.
2-4-6-8, who should
the Longhorns appreciate?
Mom! Mom! Mom!
I got great seats.
I told you, I'm not going
to the game.
After all I did,
nobody stood up and said,
"I know Peggy Hill
and she's no hate monger."
They all just cut and ran.
Even Connie.
You know who didn't
turn their back on you, Peggy?
The team.
Dang it, this is the big game!
What happens when the other side
yells,
"We've got spirit, yes we do,
we've got spirit,
how about you?"
Well, Peggy,
how 'bout you?
Sorry, Mrs. Hill.
Principal Moss gave me strict
orders not to let you in.
What? That's ridiculous!
Stay out of this, sir.
Our beef's not with you.
And the cheerleaders seem to be
doing another human pyramid.
Oh! The Arlen quarterback
gets leveled!
Come on, girls,
I'm only seeing freak.
I want to see super-freak!
♪ Get up on this ♪
♪ Get up on this ♪
♪ Push it ♪
♪ Get up on this... ♪
Connie, focus!
♪ Push it ♪
♪ Get up on this... ♪
This is the playoffs,
for God's sakes.
My bullhorn!
What are you doing?
Someone has to light a fire
under this crowd.
Connie, get back in formation
this instant,
or you can say good-bye
to the uniform
and a guaranteed seven candid
photos in the yearbook.
This season's been some kind
of roller coaster, folks.
We've have losing streaks...
Ready, okay.
When I say go,
you say Longhorns.
Go...
Longhorns!
Arlen, Arlen...
Wait, Hank, do you hear that?
Push that ball
with all your might!
- Arlen, Arlen...
- I taught Connie that cheer.
...fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with your might.
Seems like there's a rally
going on in the Landry stands...
The fans are going nuts and
Gribble's running downfield...
Ripped By mstoll
Aw, there goes me liver!
And Joseph Gribble
is sacked for another loss.
Common name.
No relation.
Come on,
we're still in this game.
Just two touchdowns, a couple
of two-point conversions,
an onside kick, and we're
just a field goal behind.
Come on,
let's make some noise!
Boo!
Go, Arlen!
Go, Arlen!
Go, Arlen.
Oh, here come the cheerleaders.
You think maybe they will do
a real cheer just this once?
All right, ladies, let's go!
♪ Here we go! ♪
♪ It's Tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time ♪
♪ It's Tricky ♪
How's that firing anybody up?
Use the mascot!
Look at Bobby.
He's just twiddling
his hooves.
♪ Tr-Tr-Tr-Tricky, Tricky... ♪
And that's the ball game!
The Longhorns lose
their fourth straight.
Principal Moss...
who drives a black Altima
usually parked
in front of the school...
thanks you for attending.
♪ That's right on time,
it's Tricky, it's tricky... ♪
Whatever happened
to cheerleaders
actually cheering?
Alice Bullard.
She was the best cheer coach
I have ever seen.
And she was 98 years old.
I wonder whatever happened to
that woman. You know, I remember
my junior year
in a game against Belton.
I just didn't have it,
but then our cheerleaders
started their
"Be Aggressive" cheer,
and I was, and we won.
Hank, I'm going
to do us all a favor.
I am gonna help that new cheerleading
coach get her act together.
I really did stay sweet.
Peggy Hill at your service.
Great. Grab a handle...
this thing weighs a ton.
Wow, I feel like I'm already
making an impact.
Now, how else can I help you
get the cheerleaders on track?
On track? Does this look like the vest
of a coach who's not on track?
FYI, we've had two wins
at the Slim-Fast
Invitational,
and one at Tampax.
Yes, yes, very impressive.
But I have noticed
that the cheerleaders
are not really spending any time
backing the football team.
The cheer squad
doesn't get trophies
for how good
the football team does.
We get 'em for
Motion and Dance,
Basket Tosses, Jumps,
and Attitude!
You know, cheerleading
has changed since your day.
Wait...
you never had a day, did you?
You weren't a cheerleader.
No, but only because
people who thought they knew me,
but clearly did not,
would not let me.
Welcome aboard!
Oh, and that mat has to go
all the way over there.
So Peggy's gonna help coach
the cheerleaders at Landry.
She says they're
gonna do real cheers.
Good, but what we need to do
is get rid of Principal Moss.
Maybe I should put
bourbon in his thermos
and try to knock
him off the wagon.
Don't worry, he can't hide behind
improved test scores forever.
Hank! Dinner!
Excuse me, fellas.
I've got to go have dinner
with a cheerleader.
Why does everything
good happen to Hank?
Cheerleaders.
Why does everybody think
they're so special?
I could be covering the debate
tournament finals right now.
Your mom's a cheerleader?
Wow!
I thought that was just
more of her big talk.
Maybe she really did see
Dan Rather at the mall.
Okay, girls,
who's ready to make some noise?
Right. Our first lesson will be
how to make some noise.
I don't have time for this.
I need a new
top-of-the-pyramid.
We've just lost
our lightest girl to homeschooling.
Problem understood and solved.
But how?
Connie,
how would you like to be
the top of the pyramid?
- Huh?
- And...
Nice hang time.
You want to be a cheerleader?
Me?! Are you kidding?!
Hey, smart girl from
my algebra class,
why are you dressed
like a cheerleader?
Because I, um...
am a cheerleader.
Cool. Well, you want to
come to a sleep-over?
We're gonna sit around
and make fun of everybody.
Cheer One this is Cheer Two.
If you can hear me,
give me a "Y."
Oh, you could not look any cuter
if you were dangling a kitten.
It's amazing... I put on this outfit,
and it's, like...
What's the opposite
of invisible?
I've never had to know.
Thank you, Mrs. Hill.
Okay, girls, who's ready
to turn this mother out?!
M.C. Hammer is!
Get in formation.
Or...
we could get the crowd
into the game.
How about a cheer?
Go... Longhorns!
Peggy, the last thing we need
is for our cheerleaders to
be distracted by the game.
What I do need
is for you to find my purse.
Find your purse?
Yes.
Oh, and go tell
Karen Smelko I said hi.
She's on the fourth row up,
not counting the first row.
: I will get the purse,
but I am undecided
on the greeting.
Sorry I'm late... took
longer than I thought
to wash the eggs off my car.
Sorry I'm late...
it took longer than I thought
to egg Moss's car.
Hey, Peggy, shouldn't
you be down there
spelling things
with your arms?
No, Hank,
I have a different job.
Karen Smelko?
Arlen has the ball,
fourth and goal...
and they're going for it!
They haven't converted
a fourth down all season.
They're gonna need
the crowd behind them.
Okay, let's take a break.
We've got
our '80s Mega-Mix coming up.
Where are they going?
They're braiding
each other's hair?!
That does it!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
Come on!
Let's help our boys
before it's too late!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might!
You heard them... let's push that ball
with all your might!
Ho, yeah!
Hey, Hank,
your wife just reminded me
of why I love football...
winning!
See, Moss?
We need more of that
and less of this.
...and because
of you and your chanting,
Francine just nailed a standing
back flip that no one saw!
That was something, Peggy.
Look, how would you like
to replace Jo Rita
as the cheerleading coach?
Me? Well, I...
Excuse me one moment.
Peggy, you know we're supposed
to keep this channel open
for uniform emergencies.
Sorry, I just wanted you to give
Karen Smelko a message from me.
Principal Moss just made me
the new cheerleading coach!
What?! I...
Attention, ladies.
Where's Jo Rita?
It is not important
where she is.
What is important
is why she is not here.
Why is she not here?
Because she did not understand
the role of a cheerleader:
To get the fans fired up,
to bring the crowd
into the game,
to give our team
the extra edge
that can turn a narrow defeat
into a certain victory.
Do we still get
to wear our uniforms
to school on Fridays?
Yes.
Okay.
Arlen, Arlen,
fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with all your might.
Whoo!
Yeah!
What ball
is she talking about?
Do the two-point conversion
cheer!
Hey, there, coach,
whatcha gonna do?
Are you going to kick
or go for two?
Perhaps I didn't set that up
properly.
We would do that cheer
after we've scored,
but only when it would be
advantageous
for us to get two points.
Once again from the top.
Hey, there, coach...
Well, this is all
going to hell.
Oh, man.
I can't have bored kids
at an assembly.
It's asking for trouble.
I'm going to cue the band.
Oh, no! No! Not the band!
Okay, I can't save
the cougar for the finale.
Misty, put this on and chase
your tail like an idiot.
It won't fit!
Yes, it will.
It'll fit.
Come on.
It's for the team!
Yeah, kill that cougar!
Yeah!
Yeah! Choke it!
Quick, everybody,
beat the crap out of Misty!
What?
Stupid!
Kick its butt, Connie!
Ladies, I have learned
something today.
People like violence.
From now on we will demoralize
their teams
by systematically
mock-secuting their mascots.
Everyone, take a knife!
Is it stab-and-stab?
No, it's stab and a-stab.
Okay, let's have a run-through.
Misty, get in
the cougar costume.
The costume smells like a butt.
And it's really more of a job
for an ugly girl.
I'll do it!
Hey, there, hi, there,
we won't gloat.
We'll stab the cougar
in the throat
And when at last
the cougar's dead,
we'll make him see
red red red red!
I am slain!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
I'm so...
cold.
No hats in
the lunchroom, Dooley.
Take it off.
I'll die in these horns.
Hey, Peggy!
Why don't you sit with us today?
Sweet Jesus. The cool table.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jo Rita.
Pull up the stepladder.
You know, Jo Rita,
I could use some help.
You want me
to find your purse?
I want you to be my assistant.
I'd love to.
So, Peggy, give us the scoop.
What have you got planned
for the Yellow Jackets
this weekend?
Well, we have
this yellow jacket costume
and we're going
to put someone in it
and we're going to stab it!
That's it?
Another stabbing?
Hey, maybe doing
the same thing over and over again
will be our thing.
It won't be boring.
No! It'll be comforting!
Ladies, we have a problem.
Knife play
is just not enough anymore.
Ideas! Yellow Jacket! Go!
We could rip open its thorax
and stuff it
with its own abdomen?
Bobby, how is your death rattle?
Great! Now, who do
we play after that?
The Boswell Bears.
Okay, okay. Now, how do you make
a bear suffer?
Tie it up and torture its young.
There's no mascot
we can't torture.
Okay, Jo Rita, who's next?
The Tornados.
How are you going
to kill a tornado?
Shoot it.
Good news.
Because of all
the school spirit,
game attendance is up.
I know!
The ushers cannot keep up
with the after-game garbage.
Yeah, but none of this will mean
anything
unless we beat McMaynerbury
at Homecoming.
Peggy, I'm giving you
the halftime show.
It will be my finest hour.
Now, who is McMaynerbury?
The Fighting Irish.
Fighting, fighting...
fi... fly... flying...
fly on the wall...
Maybe the other part...
the Irish,
That's got to be
fertile territory.
Irish, Irish, flyrish.
No, don't force it.
Let it come to you, Peggy.
People have made fun
of the Irish in the past.
Maybe you can build
on their work.
You know, my husband keeps
several ethnic joke
books in the bathroom.
I'll find something good.
Longhorns! Longhorns!
And that's the end
of the first half,
with the Longhorns leading 31-2!
Well, the playoffs are a lock.
Peggy says the halftime show
is going to be
high school caliber.
Okay, girls, this is it.
Misty, grab the rainbow.
Everyone else get out
your shillelaghs.
Beating sticks.
Where's Jo Rita?
The buckets of blood
are in her car.
All right!
Go! Go!
I'm so glad you could make it,
Mr. Flannery,
Mr. Finnerty,
Mrs. O'Brien-Diaz.
And now if you'll direct your
attention to the 50-yard line
for a special presentation
by the Longhorn cheerleaders!
Here, use my binoculars.
I brought enough
for everybody.
Top of the morning to ya, Arlen!
I'm Irish!
I hope I don't die
from a wee bit
of the consumption!
Sorry, Fighting Irishman,
but your jig is up!
Beat him! Get him!
Beat him! Beat him!
Beat him! Beat him!
Are they ever coming out
of there?
I bet they're trying
to keep the quarterback
from crying.
My legs have fallen asleep.
Oh! Ah!
Okay. We are in their heads.
Right now,
they are in there wishing
they joined the tennis team.
Uh, Peggy, The Fighting Irish
ain't coming out.
Oh, my God.
We have cheered them
into submission!
Actually, they're protesting
the game.
What? Why?
'Cause of what you did
to that leprechaun.
Peggy, they're saying you
committed a hate crime.
Aw, there goes me liver.
I can't believe
the school board
is thinking about
taking our win away.
As long as we stand firm,
we've got nothing
to worry about.
Now, I can take a joke as well
as the next person,
but Peggy Hill has gone too far.
What she did on that field
is no different than what
the British have been doing
to our brothers in Ulster
for the last 800 years...
the forced labor,
the seizure of property,
the stifling and oppression
of our precious mother tongue.
Longadh beatha
Eire a Cliamhuinn a Eire!!
I have no idea
what he just said,
but I do know that McMaynerbury
refused to play.
They forfeited the game.
And after the game,
someone called me "Pat"
in the parking lot.
It is my name,
but they had
no way of knowing that.
This ain't good, Moss.
They're going to take
away our win.
Do something.
Now, hold on.
It'd be a shame to take
this win away from our boys
just' cause of Peggy.
That would be blaming
the victim!
What?! You were all behind me
when it was the Cougars and
the Bears and the Mudhawks.
It would have been disrespectful
of me
not to bludgeon the Irishman.
Peggy, shush.
Whatever the board decides,
I want you to know,
I am proud of you.
And maybe I did get caught up
in my own popularity
and lose my focus,
because it's really not about
torture or beatings,
or maiming per se.
It's about backing your team
and inspiring them to victory.
Good news, Peggy.
They let us keep our "W."
We're going to the playoffs!
Woo-hoo!
The big dance!
Well, don't worry,
my team is ready.
Sorry, Peggy.
I'm going to have to ask you
to stop using words
like "team" and "my."
I'm putting Jo Rita
back in charge.
What? Jo Rita?!
Now, you can keep
teaching Spanish,
but we're going to have
to keep an eye out in
case you decide
to go after those people.
This is crazy.
The only thing I hate is
watching dance routines
while our team
loses another game.
Peggy, why don't you show these
girls how to lose gracefully.
I will not.
And if I go,
the cheerleaders will go
in a V-formation
right behind me.
Right, girls?
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hill,
but we like being
cheerleaders... a lot.
We feel so bad.
You, too, Connie?
I can't go back.
I'm sorry.
We'll need you
to turn in your vest...
you know, for future
coaches named Peggy.
Uh, Peggy,
me and the boy have worked up
a little something here.
2-4-6-8, who should
the Longhorns appreciate?
Mom! Mom! Mom!
I got great seats.
I told you, I'm not going
to the game.
After all I did,
nobody stood up and said,
"I know Peggy Hill
and she's no hate monger."
They all just cut and ran.
Even Connie.
You know who didn't
turn their back on you, Peggy?
The team.
Dang it, this is the big game!
What happens when the other side
yells,
"We've got spirit, yes we do,
we've got spirit,
how about you?"
Well, Peggy,
how 'bout you?
Sorry, Mrs. Hill.
Principal Moss gave me strict
orders not to let you in.
What? That's ridiculous!
Stay out of this, sir.
Our beef's not with you.
And the cheerleaders seem to be
doing another human pyramid.
Oh! The Arlen quarterback
gets leveled!
Come on, girls,
I'm only seeing freak.
I want to see super-freak!
♪ Get up on this ♪
♪ Get up on this ♪
♪ Push it ♪
♪ Get up on this... ♪
Connie, focus!
♪ Push it ♪
♪ Get up on this... ♪
This is the playoffs,
for God's sakes.
My bullhorn!
What are you doing?
Someone has to light a fire
under this crowd.
Connie, get back in formation
this instant,
or you can say good-bye
to the uniform
and a guaranteed seven candid
photos in the yearbook.
This season's been some kind
of roller coaster, folks.
We've have losing streaks...
Ready, okay.
When I say go,
you say Longhorns.
Go...
Longhorns!
Arlen, Arlen...
Wait, Hank, do you hear that?
Push that ball
with all your might!
- Arlen, Arlen...
- I taught Connie that cheer.
...fight, fight, fight!
Push that ball
with your might.
Seems like there's a rally
going on in the Landry stands...
The fans are going nuts and
Gribble's running downfield...
Ripped By mstoll
Aw, there goes me liver!