King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 8, Episode 12 - Phish and Wildlife - full transcript
Hank and his friends take Bobby on an "eat only what you catch" camping trip, only to discover that the park has been overrun by hippies.
Ripped By mstoll
Do you really have to go?
You're old enough
to be on your own, Bobby.
Pretty soon the
baby-sitters
are gonna be younger than you.
But... But...
Oh, you'll be fine.
I've gotten rid
of that hat rack
you said looked
like the devil.
Have fun.
A Frankenstein monster?
In this day and age?
I'm telling you kids...
Chuck Storm
on channel five predicts
"possible moderate breeze"
for the camping trip.
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
Yep. I don't know how you girls
get along without us every year.
Heh-heh-heh.
You know, the French onion soup
and the minestrone soup
sound so good,
I think I'm gonna order both.
Two soups?
Yes. In place of an entree.
Hello?
Dad...
I crawled into your bed
to calm me down, but it
just wasn't the same
without you guys here.
Bobby, everything
would have been fine
if you hadn't panicked.
The problem is
you lack confidence.
Give me confidence.
Well, I can't give it to you,
you have to earn it.
Hey, you know, one
of the best ways to do that
is to rely
on yourself in the wild.
Just you against the elements.
I don't know...
I don't want you to get married
and have to have your wife
tuck you in at night.
You're coming
on our camping trip.
Fine, but I don't know
what I can learn in the wild
that I can't learn
watching Zoobilee Zoo.
...and I figure
if we make this
an "eat only what
you catch" trip,
Bobby will be forced
to learn some self-reliance.
That's a great idea.
Once you learn how
to light a cigarette
with two rocks, you
feel invincible.
Yeah, man, just like my
dang ol' Ted Nugent said, man.
You know, they can't no grill,
'less you kill it man.
Like, dang, talking
about an old... foom.
Yeah, I use my survival
training every day.
Yep, being alone in the woods
prepared me for being alone,
well... everywhere else.
Oh, I'm gonna miss Dale, shug.
And I will miss my boys,
but, you know, I see this
as the perfect opportunity
to take care of this
"things to do" list
that has been hanging
over my head.
"See boys off."
Done.
The Park Department
is not responsible
for my safety. Oh, God...
That's right.
You're responsible now.
Oh, already that time
of year again, huh, Hank?
Yeah, looks like it.
How are you, Ranger Bradley?
Working so hard, I
couldn't tell you.
What'll it be... the usual?
Yep, ol' lot number 6347.
We watched that possum family
grow up right before our eyes.
So how does it feel
to be setting up
your own camp
for the first time?
I brushed my teeth
with bug cream
and I'm still kinda woozy.
Can we go home?
No, we've got work to do.
We gotta pick up dinner.
Come here, fish.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Idiot.
That's three for Dale,
three for me,
four for Boomhauer.
And nada for Bobby,
and since it's an "eat only
what you catch trip,"
tonight, you will
be dining on...
filet of zero.
Shut up, Dale.
Maybe he's right.
I can't do this.
Sure you can, Bobby.
Just remember,
to catch a fish,
you have to think like a fish.
Hmm, I'm wet,
and I don't even know it.
No, where would you be feeding?
Probably in that
algae-covered
area over there.
That algae does
look pretty good.
Nancy, in one day I have
accomplished everything
I set out to do.
Do you think
it would be gilding the lily
to refinance the house
while Hank's away?
Uh-oh, someone's beeping in.
Hello, Peggy. This is
Dora Shelwyn from Tom Landry.
I teach...
Are you retiring?
Uh, no, actually,
I just needed the number
of your veterinarian.
I have a quick question.
Go ahead.
I meant for the vet.
You see, I bought
this myna bird,
and it just won't talk and I...
Put the bird on the line.
What?
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Okay, bird... Awk!
I love Dora Shelwyn!
Who's a good bird?
I love Dora Shelwyn!
Come on, bird. I got all day.
Awk! I love Dora Shelwyn!
Hey, bro.
What?
Oh, hi.
If you catch anything,
we should use this as a plate.
I haven't even seen
a fish all day
and I'm starving.
I've got a hamburger
Do you really have to go?
You're old enough
to be on your own, Bobby.
Pretty soon the
baby-sitters
are gonna be younger than you.
But... But...
Oh, you'll be fine.
I've gotten rid
of that hat rack
you said looked
like the devil.
Have fun.
A Frankenstein monster?
In this day and age?
I'm telling you kids...
Chuck Storm
on channel five predicts
"possible moderate breeze"
for the camping trip.
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
Yep. I don't know how you girls
get along without us every year.
Heh-heh-heh.
You know, the French onion soup
and the minestrone soup
sound so good,
I think I'm gonna order both.
Two soups?
Yes. In place of an entree.
Hello?
Dad...
I crawled into your bed
to calm me down, but it
just wasn't the same
without you guys here.
Bobby, everything
would have been fine
if you hadn't panicked.
The problem is
you lack confidence.
Give me confidence.
Well, I can't give it to you,
you have to earn it.
Hey, you know, one
of the best ways to do that
is to rely
on yourself in the wild.
Just you against the elements.
I don't know...
I don't want you to get married
and have to have your wife
tuck you in at night.
You're coming
on our camping trip.
Fine, but I don't know
what I can learn in the wild
that I can't learn
watching Zoobilee Zoo.
...and I figure
if we make this
an "eat only what
you catch" trip,
Bobby will be forced
to learn some self-reliance.
That's a great idea.
Once you learn how
to light a cigarette
with two rocks, you
feel invincible.
Yeah, man, just like my
dang ol' Ted Nugent said, man.
You know, they can't no grill,
'less you kill it man.
Like, dang, talking
about an old... foom.
Yeah, I use my survival
training every day.
Yep, being alone in the woods
prepared me for being alone,
well... everywhere else.
Oh, I'm gonna miss Dale, shug.
And I will miss my boys,
but, you know, I see this
as the perfect opportunity
to take care of this
"things to do" list
that has been hanging
over my head.
"See boys off."
Done.
The Park Department
is not responsible
for my safety. Oh, God...
That's right.
You're responsible now.
Oh, already that time
of year again, huh, Hank?
Yeah, looks like it.
How are you, Ranger Bradley?
Working so hard, I
couldn't tell you.
What'll it be... the usual?
Yep, ol' lot number 6347.
We watched that possum family
grow up right before our eyes.
So how does it feel
to be setting up
your own camp
for the first time?
I brushed my teeth
with bug cream
and I'm still kinda woozy.
Can we go home?
No, we've got work to do.
We gotta pick up dinner.
Come here, fish.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Idiot.
That's three for Dale,
three for me,
four for Boomhauer.
And nada for Bobby,
and since it's an "eat only
what you catch trip,"
tonight, you will
be dining on...
filet of zero.
Shut up, Dale.
Maybe he's right.
I can't do this.
Sure you can, Bobby.
Just remember,
to catch a fish,
you have to think like a fish.
Hmm, I'm wet,
and I don't even know it.
No, where would you be feeding?
Probably in that
algae-covered
area over there.
That algae does
look pretty good.
Nancy, in one day I have
accomplished everything
I set out to do.
Do you think
it would be gilding the lily
to refinance the house
while Hank's away?
Uh-oh, someone's beeping in.
Hello, Peggy. This is
Dora Shelwyn from Tom Landry.
I teach...
Are you retiring?
Uh, no, actually,
I just needed the number
of your veterinarian.
I have a quick question.
Go ahead.
I meant for the vet.
You see, I bought
this myna bird,
and it just won't talk and I...
Put the bird on the line.
What?
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Okay, bird... Awk!
I love Dora Shelwyn!
Who's a good bird?
I love Dora Shelwyn!
Come on, bird. I got all day.
Awk! I love Dora Shelwyn!
Hey, bro.
What?
Oh, hi.
If you catch anything,
we should use this as a plate.
I haven't even seen
a fish all day
and I'm starving.
I've got a hamburger