King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 7, Episode 6 - The Son Also Roses - full transcript
Bobby ditches his towel manager responsibilities on the football team to work on growing his roses.
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
BOBBY:
I got it.
I got it.
HANK:
Oh, dang it, Bobby
football tryouts are
in two days.
So?
I'll just be
running back.
That was your
position, right?
They have to
give it to me.
Son, you don't get
to be running back
just because your dad was.
We fought a whole war
with England over that.
(sighs)
Maybe you should go out
for center.
It'll allow you
to put your God-given immobility
to good use.
Oy.
Ready, set, hike!
Bobby?
Snap the ball.
Uh
this ball's the only thing
holding me up right now.
I know
what you're going through, Hank.
Joseph doesn’t want
to follow in my footsteps
as towel manager.
He wants to be quarterback.
Maybe Bobby could
be towel manager.
I want Bobby to compete
for a spot on the team.
I don’t want him
just handed it.
Handed it?!
Towel tryouts are brutal.
And word down
at the Laundromat is
there's this girl, Kathleen.
She's the one to beat.
Spent the last three summers
folding linens
at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Well, at least
you'd be part of the team
and you'd get to hear
the coach's pep talk.
Yeah, this might work.
Sounds good
to me.
I love towels.
I'll be just like that bear
in the fabric softener
commercial.
Oh.
(grunts)
Nice, Gribble.
(blowing whistle)
I take a lot of baths.
So, I finally
got up the guts
to ask Nancy
for a raise in
my allowance.
It did not
go well.
BOBBY:
I did it, Dad.
I'm the new towel manager.
Though I couldn't have
done it without Joseph.
He worked up quite a
sweat making quarterback.
All right.
That's good.
Way to go.
All right,
Bobby.
My boy is on a team.
Not a squad,
not a club.
A team.
Yeah.
Yeah, eah!
Dale, what are
you cheering for?
Joseph just
threw an
interception.
Huh?
Bobby just handed
off the fresh towels
put the dirties
in the hamper
and didn't fumble once.
That's the hat trick.
Really?
(soft chuckle)
Well, all right.
Go, Bobby!
Show that hamper
who's boss.
(whistle blowing)
Good practice, boys.
Whattaburgers on me.
Hill, you ain't going anywhere
till every jockstrap is
as clean as a surgeon's mask.
Hey, Towel Manager.
Got a little time
for an old running back?
Oh, this stinks.
All I do is get towel-snapped
by the players
and yelled at by Coach.
He yelled at you?
Really? What did he say?
He said, "Hill..."
He knows your name?
Well, that means
you're really part of the team.
Well
looks like you've got some
hard work ahead of you.
Enjoy it,
because you've earned it.
(sighs)
(sniffing)
Mm.
MINH:
Bobby Hill
those roses not squirt water
if that's what you looking for.
They're lovely.
I started growing roses
after the doctor cut off
my Xanax.
Very relaxing
to have total control
of another living thing.
Mind if I try?
Okay, but just one.
Oh, this is kind of nice.
And they smell so much
better than jock straps.
Hmm, maybe to you.
(sniffing)
PEGGY:
Bobby
are you sniffing glue
or feeding a wounded bird?
Either way, I will not have it
at my dinner table.
It's a flower
from Mrs. Souphanousinphone's
garden.
Mom, you ever think
about growing roses?
Of course not.
Do you think I want my house
to look like a grave?
Now, hold on here.
I don’t want to hear
about any roses
unless we're talking
about the Rose Bowl.
Hey, maybe you could
towel manage that someday.
I'm not sure I...
Good point.
You've got to hone your skills.
The game this week will
be a real test.
It'll be your first time folding
in front of a crowd.
Quick son, show me
what you've got.
(sighs)
Can I help you?
Which one of these sticks is
going to turn into roses?
That one... maybe.
I don't know.
I just got transferred
from fabrics.
It says roses.
Yeah, I told you.
Okay, the tag says
they need food and water
and sun and dirt and love.
Can I substitute
extra love for sun?
I kind of have to hide
these in my bedroom closet.
No way, man.
That'd be going
against the tag unless...
Okay, I know someone
who can help you
but the problem is
that he's at another store
and, like, you're at this store.
I have a bike.
Oh, that changes everything.
Can I help you?
Yes.
Uh, Ricky
at the Mega Lo Mart told me
to see you
about growing stuff indoors.
Don’t say anything.
He told me to tell you I'm cool.
He's cool.
So, uh, what kind
of herbage you growing?
They're roses.
Oh. Well, those are legal now.
You can grow them outside.
My dad doesn't like me outside
unless I'm on a football field.
He only wants me to do stuff
that you can win.
You tell your dad
that Lao Tzu said
"The wise stay behind
and go ahead.
They want nothing
and have everything."
Yeah.
Huh?
It means competing
against others is not
the way to happiness.
You want to know more,
check this out.
"Chinese philosophy."
Huh. Is that why
you guys seem so happy?
(laughter)
(click, buzzing)
"One cannot cause growth;
one can only let growth."
Huh.
We're getting
skunked.
How is this
happening?
Oh, my God.
Where's Bobby?
(screams)
Blue 32.
Blue 32.
Yikes.
No! He's going the wrong way!
I've seen this before.
It's total towel chaos.
The team needs me!
I'm coming, Joseph!
I'm coming to wipe you!
Bobby!
I don't know
what I'm going to do
when I see him.
I might kill him.
HANK:
Bobby
if you're going
to hide from me
at least have
the guts
to do it without
a night light.
Hey, Dad.
What's going?
(gasps)
The game!
It was disaster.
There was sweat and mud
everywhere.
Oh, God, the slipping.
The horrible slipping!
You got cut from the team.
Kathleen Barnes is the new
towel manager.
DALE:
Thanks to you
a girl is doing our team’s
laundry.
Now get out of my sight!
This house is going
to be TP'd tonight.
That's a given.
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
Well, I guess
towel manager wasn’t
in my cosmic path.
I wish Kathleen
all the best of karma.
The best of what?
What were you doing
in that closet?
Nothing.
Sticks
and lights?
Is this some kind
of puppet theater?
They're roses, Dad.
(sighs)
Roses.
I'm trying to teach the boy
how to compete
in the real world
build up his confidence a little
and all he wants
to do is sniff flowers.
Oh, Hank
what's the big deal?
Well, now I know
where Bobby gets his
"what's the big deal"
attitude.
Well, if it's so
important to you
take him to go see a
rose growing competition.
Rose competition?
Come on, Peggy,
there's no such thing.
Oh, yes, there is.
Minh goes all the time.
It's probably because
she's very unhappy
in her marriage.
So? What, I pretend
it's a sport and...
And he'll pay
attention
because it's
something he loves.
It's like when I try
to get through to you
I mention propane.
Huh.
Bobby, I've got some good news
but I want you to promise
you're not going to squeal
like a girl.
I've decided
to let you grow your roses.
(high-pitched squeal)
Ugh.
And the best part is
I'm entering you
into a rose contest.
You get to compete
against the top, uh...
old women, I imagine,
in the county.
Compete?
But Lao Tzu says
the way of the sage is to act
but not to compete.
There... that thing
you just said...
that's what I'm trying to fix.
Son
you've got to try at something
and give it your best shot.
You like flowers?
Well, make us proud
and be the best
damn rose grower in town.
Now, what do you say,
tough guy?
Are you ready to grow the hell
out of those roses?
You bet I am!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
Outside.
Now that you're okay with them,
I might as well
put these thirsty little piggies
in the ground.
Now, where did I put
that floppy gardening hat?
You can't grow them outside.
People will see you
and, uh...
steal your gardening secrets.
You'd better stay in
the closet until you win.
Then you can plant
them in the front yard
and if anybody
gives you any guff
you can show 'em
your trophy.
Or sash.
Or sash.
MAN:
Check out
that engine.
It hauls so much ass
I can drive it to work.
Yeah, she's a monster.
Oh, I'll get it.
Yeah, uh, hello ladies.
Uh, I'm here to, um
sign for that, uh,
big rose-off you got going on.
Are you that guy
who just moved in from Portland?
Grew the Madame Plantier
that won Mini Princess of Show?
Well, I understood that one
word, "grew," but I do know
I am not the Mini Princess
of anything.
Why not?
Forget to prune your side buds?
(laughter)
Here's a sign-up sheet
for the show.
Don't let 'em get to you.
They treat anybody
who wasn't sponsored
by Miracle Gro
lower than fertilizer.
Excuse my language.
Oh, no problem.
So, how many pounds
was the rose
that won last year?
Pounds? Is that a joke?
No. I mean, I saw that
pumpkin on the news
they had to carry
out on a forklift.
Bigger is better at
these things, right?
Size is only ten percent
of your score.
There's Form, Color, Substance,
Stem and Foliage
Balance and Proportion.
I'm sorry,
I didn't know.
Cultivating roses isn't some
moron hobby like lawn growing.
It's science
and art.
You think you can just
wake up one morning
flip on a pair
of gardening clogs
and play with the big boys?
No, sir.
Hey, no reason to
get excited here.
My wife and I are just trying
to get our son involved
in something easy
to give him a little confidence.
Your son?
A little boy should be
collecting baseball cards
and catching fireflies.
Not spending sleepless nights
trying to urge the perfect
rose bud to blossom.
How dare you steal that boy's
innocence!
Now get out
of this gardening section.
You make me sick.
BOBBY:
♪ I am your sunshine ♪
(Hank inhales sharply)
♪ Your only sunshine ♪
Am I in? Am I in?!
You're in, all right... tiger.
This is so great!
I don't know if it's
the stem massage or my singing
but these babies are really
responding to something.
MORGAN:
You think you can just wake up
one morning
flip on a pair
of gardening clogs
and play with the big boys?
Uh... you know, this closet
is bigger than it looks.
Mind if I sit in and help a bit?
You mean it? Sure!
That whoopee cushion
doesn’t work
but you can still use it
as a cushion.
(sound of wind breaking)
Hey, you fixed it!
Wait, am I supposed
to cut above the bud
or under the bud?
Well, Lao Tzu would say
that you must let
the cut make itself.
Yeah. Uh, I'm going to
check the American Rose
Association rule book.
Oh, my god, listen to
all these reasons we
can be disqualified.
Misnaming, misclassing,
unlabeled, mislabeled...
stem on stem?
Are we stem on stemming?
Dad, you got to relax.
Roses can pick up
on your vibe.
Dang it, Bobby
cut the Benihana talk.
Okay, don't panic.
They can pick up
on that, too.
Huh, I guess this must be
some kind of rose-growing store
for kids.
Excuse me, sir.
I need to replace
this grow light.
Is that so, officer?
It's okay, guys.
He's cool.
Aw, come on, man, that lamp
is for high school kids.
Step up to the Phototrons...
they rock.
They'll force your buds
increase your yield
and your potency.
Just call me from outer space
and tell me it ain't true.
Wow, how'd you like to see that
in our closet, Bobby?
Would I?!
We're going to grow
the best roses ever!
Okay, this setup will
cost you about two grand.
Two grand?
You got a job, right?
I have a great job.
But still...
Dang it.
No wonder all those other
rose growers have sponsors.
Hey, what would
you fellows say
to sponsoring us
in our rose competition?
Whoa, man, competition
ain't really our buzz.
Lao Tzu says: "To be
better than someone is
to be worse than all."
Wrap your mind
around that one, dude.
Well, wrap your minds
around this:
We'll wear Stems
'N Seeds T-shirts
and you could put
the roses in those vases.
(snickering)
Come on, fellas
this is important.
You see, our great country...
(voice echoing)
...positive values
like competition.
The American way...
...parts and minds...
...Texas Propane
and Gas Association
Commissioner Murray Hogarth.
All if Stems 'N Seeds
would just sponsor us.
What do you say, guys?
We need more of this weed
and more of this dude.
We'll do it.
♪ I am your sunshine ♪
♪ Your only sunshine ♪
Whoa, whoa, what
are you doing?
Sloppy side bud removal
requires penalization.
Here, let me.
All right, Bobby.
Game day is tomorrow.
You're in the single
vase category
so you got to pick
one player to send in.
This one's pretty.
Not according to the book.
If you go by the checklist,
this one's perfect.
But I like how mine's
a little off center.
It's got Wabi-Sabi.
You can’t win an argument
by making up words.
Wabi-Sabi is an Eastern
tradition, Dad.
It's celebrating the beauty
in what's flawed...
like the crack
in the Liberty Bell
or the mole
on Cindy Crawford's face.
The Liberty Bell is great
but come on,
if it was in a contest
with a bunch of bells without
cracks, it would lose.
But sometimes
it's the small imperfections
that make you love something
even more.
So what if this rose is a little
too short and a little too wide.
It's got more personality
than those other ones.
Uh-huh.
But we're out to win.
Ah, Morgan, my former student.
Your flower looks like an anus
with a stem.
What do you call it?
Hello, Monroe.
I crossed an Oakington Ruby
with a Dainty Bess.
I call it a Ruby My Dear,
but I might as well call it
"sending you home
crying to your mama."
(chuckles)
Yes!
Dude, all these roses
remind me of my mom's tattoo,
but they don't smell like arm.
You'd better let
me do that, son.
Nice, dude, nice.
Okay. I'm just going to give it
a final mist so it'll look
like morning dew is dripping off
its velvet petals.
I must say...
nicely spiraled center.
Hmm, good work, kid.
You hear that, Bobby?
You could win this thing.
Dude, that million
dollars is ours.
There's no cash prize.
It’s just for
honor, dude.
Dude, that honor
is ours.
Dad, why don’t we turn it
a little to the side
so this leaf looks like
it's waving to the judge.
Well, all the pictures in the
book are from this angle.
But if it's turned away just
a little, it's more coy
like, "Have we been properly
introduced?"
Here, like this.
Hands off!
You're queering the spiral.
Come on, it's my!
(gasps)
(all gasping)
Oh, dang it, Bobby!
It's bruised.
Oh, you tweaked
our rose!
Oh, god, I'm going to have
to remove interior petals.
Get me my deckle-edged shears
and my stamp tongs.
Shears down.
Nice stature.
Quite voluptuous
for a floribunda.
Arrow-straight stem,
fine balance and proportion.
What is that?
That?
That's nothing.
You pulled a petal, didn’t you?
You pulled
an interior petal.
Uh... yes.
Mm...
That's too bad.
Otherwise the rose
is truly flawless.
No, no, wait.
Uh... haven't you ever heard
of that oriental deal that says
that something can be wrong
with something
but it just makes
it better?
Yeah, dude, Wabi-Sabi.
Right. That.
It's like that model with
the wart on her face.
Isn't she pretty?
Mm...
Sorry, it's flawed. You lose.
You're a loser.
Which means I'm a loser,
which means my dad was right.
You blew it, man!
Oh, I wish I had
my Tibetan prayer beads.
I'd hog-tie you
and leave you to rot.
But what about Lao Tzu?
Lao Tzu lived in a hut
and ate straw.
And Queen of Show to...
Ruby My Dear.
Dad, no!
Don't bury my roses!
It was my fault,
not theirs.
I'm planting
them, Bobby.
But I didn’t win.
Well, that's okay.
The Cowboys don't win every
year, but I'm still a big fan
and they have gun
and drug problems.
I was thinking about it
and my singing didn't really
help the roses.
My voice just isn't that good.
But check this out.
(playing world music)
Uh... son?
Yeah, Dad?
(sighs)
You've got a lot
of Wabi-Sabi.
(chuckles)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access. Wgbh. Org
CLERK:
We need more of this weed
and more of this dude.
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
BOBBY:
I got it.
I got it.
HANK:
Oh, dang it, Bobby
football tryouts are
in two days.
So?
I'll just be
running back.
That was your
position, right?
They have to
give it to me.
Son, you don't get
to be running back
just because your dad was.
We fought a whole war
with England over that.
(sighs)
Maybe you should go out
for center.
It'll allow you
to put your God-given immobility
to good use.
Oy.
Ready, set, hike!
Bobby?
Snap the ball.
Uh
this ball's the only thing
holding me up right now.
I know
what you're going through, Hank.
Joseph doesn’t want
to follow in my footsteps
as towel manager.
He wants to be quarterback.
Maybe Bobby could
be towel manager.
I want Bobby to compete
for a spot on the team.
I don’t want him
just handed it.
Handed it?!
Towel tryouts are brutal.
And word down
at the Laundromat is
there's this girl, Kathleen.
She's the one to beat.
Spent the last three summers
folding linens
at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Well, at least
you'd be part of the team
and you'd get to hear
the coach's pep talk.
Yeah, this might work.
Sounds good
to me.
I love towels.
I'll be just like that bear
in the fabric softener
commercial.
Oh.
(grunts)
Nice, Gribble.
(blowing whistle)
I take a lot of baths.
So, I finally
got up the guts
to ask Nancy
for a raise in
my allowance.
It did not
go well.
BOBBY:
I did it, Dad.
I'm the new towel manager.
Though I couldn't have
done it without Joseph.
He worked up quite a
sweat making quarterback.
All right.
That's good.
Way to go.
All right,
Bobby.
My boy is on a team.
Not a squad,
not a club.
A team.
Yeah.
Yeah, eah!
Dale, what are
you cheering for?
Joseph just
threw an
interception.
Huh?
Bobby just handed
off the fresh towels
put the dirties
in the hamper
and didn't fumble once.
That's the hat trick.
Really?
(soft chuckle)
Well, all right.
Go, Bobby!
Show that hamper
who's boss.
(whistle blowing)
Good practice, boys.
Whattaburgers on me.
Hill, you ain't going anywhere
till every jockstrap is
as clean as a surgeon's mask.
Hey, Towel Manager.
Got a little time
for an old running back?
Oh, this stinks.
All I do is get towel-snapped
by the players
and yelled at by Coach.
He yelled at you?
Really? What did he say?
He said, "Hill..."
He knows your name?
Well, that means
you're really part of the team.
Well
looks like you've got some
hard work ahead of you.
Enjoy it,
because you've earned it.
(sighs)
(sniffing)
Mm.
MINH:
Bobby Hill
those roses not squirt water
if that's what you looking for.
They're lovely.
I started growing roses
after the doctor cut off
my Xanax.
Very relaxing
to have total control
of another living thing.
Mind if I try?
Okay, but just one.
Oh, this is kind of nice.
And they smell so much
better than jock straps.
Hmm, maybe to you.
(sniffing)
PEGGY:
Bobby
are you sniffing glue
or feeding a wounded bird?
Either way, I will not have it
at my dinner table.
It's a flower
from Mrs. Souphanousinphone's
garden.
Mom, you ever think
about growing roses?
Of course not.
Do you think I want my house
to look like a grave?
Now, hold on here.
I don’t want to hear
about any roses
unless we're talking
about the Rose Bowl.
Hey, maybe you could
towel manage that someday.
I'm not sure I...
Good point.
You've got to hone your skills.
The game this week will
be a real test.
It'll be your first time folding
in front of a crowd.
Quick son, show me
what you've got.
(sighs)
Can I help you?
Which one of these sticks is
going to turn into roses?
That one... maybe.
I don't know.
I just got transferred
from fabrics.
It says roses.
Yeah, I told you.
Okay, the tag says
they need food and water
and sun and dirt and love.
Can I substitute
extra love for sun?
I kind of have to hide
these in my bedroom closet.
No way, man.
That'd be going
against the tag unless...
Okay, I know someone
who can help you
but the problem is
that he's at another store
and, like, you're at this store.
I have a bike.
Oh, that changes everything.
Can I help you?
Yes.
Uh, Ricky
at the Mega Lo Mart told me
to see you
about growing stuff indoors.
Don’t say anything.
He told me to tell you I'm cool.
He's cool.
So, uh, what kind
of herbage you growing?
They're roses.
Oh. Well, those are legal now.
You can grow them outside.
My dad doesn't like me outside
unless I'm on a football field.
He only wants me to do stuff
that you can win.
You tell your dad
that Lao Tzu said
"The wise stay behind
and go ahead.
They want nothing
and have everything."
Yeah.
Huh?
It means competing
against others is not
the way to happiness.
You want to know more,
check this out.
"Chinese philosophy."
Huh. Is that why
you guys seem so happy?
(laughter)
(click, buzzing)
"One cannot cause growth;
one can only let growth."
Huh.
We're getting
skunked.
How is this
happening?
Oh, my God.
Where's Bobby?
(screams)
Blue 32.
Blue 32.
Yikes.
No! He's going the wrong way!
I've seen this before.
It's total towel chaos.
The team needs me!
I'm coming, Joseph!
I'm coming to wipe you!
Bobby!
I don't know
what I'm going to do
when I see him.
I might kill him.
HANK:
Bobby
if you're going
to hide from me
at least have
the guts
to do it without
a night light.
Hey, Dad.
What's going?
(gasps)
The game!
It was disaster.
There was sweat and mud
everywhere.
Oh, God, the slipping.
The horrible slipping!
You got cut from the team.
Kathleen Barnes is the new
towel manager.
DALE:
Thanks to you
a girl is doing our team’s
laundry.
Now get out of my sight!
This house is going
to be TP'd tonight.
That's a given.
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
Well, I guess
towel manager wasn’t
in my cosmic path.
I wish Kathleen
all the best of karma.
The best of what?
What were you doing
in that closet?
Nothing.
Sticks
and lights?
Is this some kind
of puppet theater?
They're roses, Dad.
(sighs)
Roses.
I'm trying to teach the boy
how to compete
in the real world
build up his confidence a little
and all he wants
to do is sniff flowers.
Oh, Hank
what's the big deal?
Well, now I know
where Bobby gets his
"what's the big deal"
attitude.
Well, if it's so
important to you
take him to go see a
rose growing competition.
Rose competition?
Come on, Peggy,
there's no such thing.
Oh, yes, there is.
Minh goes all the time.
It's probably because
she's very unhappy
in her marriage.
So? What, I pretend
it's a sport and...
And he'll pay
attention
because it's
something he loves.
It's like when I try
to get through to you
I mention propane.
Huh.
Bobby, I've got some good news
but I want you to promise
you're not going to squeal
like a girl.
I've decided
to let you grow your roses.
(high-pitched squeal)
Ugh.
And the best part is
I'm entering you
into a rose contest.
You get to compete
against the top, uh...
old women, I imagine,
in the county.
Compete?
But Lao Tzu says
the way of the sage is to act
but not to compete.
There... that thing
you just said...
that's what I'm trying to fix.
Son
you've got to try at something
and give it your best shot.
You like flowers?
Well, make us proud
and be the best
damn rose grower in town.
Now, what do you say,
tough guy?
Are you ready to grow the hell
out of those roses?
You bet I am!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
Outside.
Now that you're okay with them,
I might as well
put these thirsty little piggies
in the ground.
Now, where did I put
that floppy gardening hat?
You can't grow them outside.
People will see you
and, uh...
steal your gardening secrets.
You'd better stay in
the closet until you win.
Then you can plant
them in the front yard
and if anybody
gives you any guff
you can show 'em
your trophy.
Or sash.
Or sash.
MAN:
Check out
that engine.
It hauls so much ass
I can drive it to work.
Yeah, she's a monster.
Oh, I'll get it.
Yeah, uh, hello ladies.
Uh, I'm here to, um
sign for that, uh,
big rose-off you got going on.
Are you that guy
who just moved in from Portland?
Grew the Madame Plantier
that won Mini Princess of Show?
Well, I understood that one
word, "grew," but I do know
I am not the Mini Princess
of anything.
Why not?
Forget to prune your side buds?
(laughter)
Here's a sign-up sheet
for the show.
Don't let 'em get to you.
They treat anybody
who wasn't sponsored
by Miracle Gro
lower than fertilizer.
Excuse my language.
Oh, no problem.
So, how many pounds
was the rose
that won last year?
Pounds? Is that a joke?
No. I mean, I saw that
pumpkin on the news
they had to carry
out on a forklift.
Bigger is better at
these things, right?
Size is only ten percent
of your score.
There's Form, Color, Substance,
Stem and Foliage
Balance and Proportion.
I'm sorry,
I didn't know.
Cultivating roses isn't some
moron hobby like lawn growing.
It's science
and art.
You think you can just
wake up one morning
flip on a pair
of gardening clogs
and play with the big boys?
No, sir.
Hey, no reason to
get excited here.
My wife and I are just trying
to get our son involved
in something easy
to give him a little confidence.
Your son?
A little boy should be
collecting baseball cards
and catching fireflies.
Not spending sleepless nights
trying to urge the perfect
rose bud to blossom.
How dare you steal that boy's
innocence!
Now get out
of this gardening section.
You make me sick.
BOBBY:
♪ I am your sunshine ♪
(Hank inhales sharply)
♪ Your only sunshine ♪
Am I in? Am I in?!
You're in, all right... tiger.
This is so great!
I don't know if it's
the stem massage or my singing
but these babies are really
responding to something.
MORGAN:
You think you can just wake up
one morning
flip on a pair
of gardening clogs
and play with the big boys?
Uh... you know, this closet
is bigger than it looks.
Mind if I sit in and help a bit?
You mean it? Sure!
That whoopee cushion
doesn’t work
but you can still use it
as a cushion.
(sound of wind breaking)
Hey, you fixed it!
Wait, am I supposed
to cut above the bud
or under the bud?
Well, Lao Tzu would say
that you must let
the cut make itself.
Yeah. Uh, I'm going to
check the American Rose
Association rule book.
Oh, my god, listen to
all these reasons we
can be disqualified.
Misnaming, misclassing,
unlabeled, mislabeled...
stem on stem?
Are we stem on stemming?
Dad, you got to relax.
Roses can pick up
on your vibe.
Dang it, Bobby
cut the Benihana talk.
Okay, don't panic.
They can pick up
on that, too.
Huh, I guess this must be
some kind of rose-growing store
for kids.
Excuse me, sir.
I need to replace
this grow light.
Is that so, officer?
It's okay, guys.
He's cool.
Aw, come on, man, that lamp
is for high school kids.
Step up to the Phototrons...
they rock.
They'll force your buds
increase your yield
and your potency.
Just call me from outer space
and tell me it ain't true.
Wow, how'd you like to see that
in our closet, Bobby?
Would I?!
We're going to grow
the best roses ever!
Okay, this setup will
cost you about two grand.
Two grand?
You got a job, right?
I have a great job.
But still...
Dang it.
No wonder all those other
rose growers have sponsors.
Hey, what would
you fellows say
to sponsoring us
in our rose competition?
Whoa, man, competition
ain't really our buzz.
Lao Tzu says: "To be
better than someone is
to be worse than all."
Wrap your mind
around that one, dude.
Well, wrap your minds
around this:
We'll wear Stems
'N Seeds T-shirts
and you could put
the roses in those vases.
(snickering)
Come on, fellas
this is important.
You see, our great country...
(voice echoing)
...positive values
like competition.
The American way...
...parts and minds...
...Texas Propane
and Gas Association
Commissioner Murray Hogarth.
All if Stems 'N Seeds
would just sponsor us.
What do you say, guys?
We need more of this weed
and more of this dude.
We'll do it.
♪ I am your sunshine ♪
♪ Your only sunshine ♪
Whoa, whoa, what
are you doing?
Sloppy side bud removal
requires penalization.
Here, let me.
All right, Bobby.
Game day is tomorrow.
You're in the single
vase category
so you got to pick
one player to send in.
This one's pretty.
Not according to the book.
If you go by the checklist,
this one's perfect.
But I like how mine's
a little off center.
It's got Wabi-Sabi.
You can’t win an argument
by making up words.
Wabi-Sabi is an Eastern
tradition, Dad.
It's celebrating the beauty
in what's flawed...
like the crack
in the Liberty Bell
or the mole
on Cindy Crawford's face.
The Liberty Bell is great
but come on,
if it was in a contest
with a bunch of bells without
cracks, it would lose.
But sometimes
it's the small imperfections
that make you love something
even more.
So what if this rose is a little
too short and a little too wide.
It's got more personality
than those other ones.
Uh-huh.
But we're out to win.
Ah, Morgan, my former student.
Your flower looks like an anus
with a stem.
What do you call it?
Hello, Monroe.
I crossed an Oakington Ruby
with a Dainty Bess.
I call it a Ruby My Dear,
but I might as well call it
"sending you home
crying to your mama."
(chuckles)
Yes!
Dude, all these roses
remind me of my mom's tattoo,
but they don't smell like arm.
You'd better let
me do that, son.
Nice, dude, nice.
Okay. I'm just going to give it
a final mist so it'll look
like morning dew is dripping off
its velvet petals.
I must say...
nicely spiraled center.
Hmm, good work, kid.
You hear that, Bobby?
You could win this thing.
Dude, that million
dollars is ours.
There's no cash prize.
It’s just for
honor, dude.
Dude, that honor
is ours.
Dad, why don’t we turn it
a little to the side
so this leaf looks like
it's waving to the judge.
Well, all the pictures in the
book are from this angle.
But if it's turned away just
a little, it's more coy
like, "Have we been properly
introduced?"
Here, like this.
Hands off!
You're queering the spiral.
Come on, it's my!
(gasps)
(all gasping)
Oh, dang it, Bobby!
It's bruised.
Oh, you tweaked
our rose!
Oh, god, I'm going to have
to remove interior petals.
Get me my deckle-edged shears
and my stamp tongs.
Shears down.
Nice stature.
Quite voluptuous
for a floribunda.
Arrow-straight stem,
fine balance and proportion.
What is that?
That?
That's nothing.
You pulled a petal, didn’t you?
You pulled
an interior petal.
Uh... yes.
Mm...
That's too bad.
Otherwise the rose
is truly flawless.
No, no, wait.
Uh... haven't you ever heard
of that oriental deal that says
that something can be wrong
with something
but it just makes
it better?
Yeah, dude, Wabi-Sabi.
Right. That.
It's like that model with
the wart on her face.
Isn't she pretty?
Mm...
Sorry, it's flawed. You lose.
You're a loser.
Which means I'm a loser,
which means my dad was right.
You blew it, man!
Oh, I wish I had
my Tibetan prayer beads.
I'd hog-tie you
and leave you to rot.
But what about Lao Tzu?
Lao Tzu lived in a hut
and ate straw.
And Queen of Show to...
Ruby My Dear.
Dad, no!
Don't bury my roses!
It was my fault,
not theirs.
I'm planting
them, Bobby.
But I didn’t win.
Well, that's okay.
The Cowboys don't win every
year, but I'm still a big fan
and they have gun
and drug problems.
I was thinking about it
and my singing didn't really
help the roses.
My voice just isn't that good.
But check this out.
(playing world music)
Uh... son?
Yeah, Dad?
(sighs)
You've got a lot
of Wabi-Sabi.
(chuckles)
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access. Wgbh. Org
CLERK:
We need more of this weed
and more of this dude.