King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 7, Episode 16 - The Miseducation of Bobby Hill - full transcript
When Hank teaches Bobby the basics of propane sales, Bobby ignores the advice and uses his own strategy--with impressive results; Bill sails away in a lawn chair tied to weather balloons; Peggy worries that the liver cleanser she bought is poisoning her.
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
DALE:
Eh? Eh?
Ooh!
Balloon!
Whose birthday
is it?
Joseph's?
Or Nancy's?
No, wait!
It's my birthday,
isn't it?
Bill, it's
a weather balloon.
And your birthday's...
uh, was last week.
Uh, sorry, Bill.
Happy belated birthday.
Thank you, Hank.
I've got
18 more of these.
A balloonist’s dozen.
Hey, man, how about
that dang old dude,
man, true story man,
it got, got him,
all them balloons
up in 'em lawn chair,
man, going around 16,000 feet,
man, that old Bruce Dern
played him in a,
in a dang old movie, man.
Boomhauer, that guy
almost died.
You can't just strap
some weather balloons
to a lawn chair and fly
to the store for some candy.
That's ridiculous.
(sighs)
I need to focus.
Our biggest propane sale
of the year starts tomorrow.
I can't afford
to be thinking about helium.
Yeah, that's ridiculous,
Boomhauer.
This is it.
The Grillstravaganza.
Okay, let's do it.
On three.
One, two, three.
For the customer!
Enrique!
Nice clip-on.
Looking good.
Donna, thanks
for clearing your desk.
I know how much
you like your unicorns.
(sighs)
Joe Jack,
what's with the hat?
Sorry, honey.
But this year,
I'm going to
be selling
more grills
than you.
In fact, your winning streak's
about to go up in flames.
Abra-kazam!
Ah, good God, that's hot.
Do you know why
I sell the most propane
every Grillstravaganza,
Joe Jack?
I educate the customer
so they can make
an informed decision.
That's my magic trick.
Oh-oh.
Rabbit done peed on my head.
Boy, that Joe Jack.
He's never going to get
anywhere until he learns
that sales
is all about character.
Well, unfortunately,
that is the sort of lesson
he will only learn
on his deathbed.
And no one wants
to buy a grill from a dying man.
Hey, you know
who might get a kick
out of learning
some character?
Bobby.
Maybe I'll take him to work.
Show him how his old man
pays for his bath salts.
Cookies!
Bobby, that's not a cookie.
It's a sales cookie.
When you make a sale,
you get a cookie,
and you get to ring the bell.
It's asinine,
but it works
for some people.
(rings bell)
The sales cookie's the sweetest
cookie you'll ever taste, honey.
Every time I hear a bell,
I starts to drooling.
And this is the sales board.
It's like the giant scoreboard
at the Masters.
Except instead of Tiger Woods,
you have me.
Wow.
Cookies,
my name in blue marker...
What do you want me
to sell first?
(laughs)
You want to make a sale
on your first day?
(laughs)
Ah, God bless you, boy.
Uh, I think you better
watch this first.
Morning, sir.
I see you admiring
the Vogner line.
Why don't you give these
brochures a read,
talk them over
with your wife,
or a trusted
older family member,
and come back
if and when you're ready.
We'll be here.
Okay.
Well, thanks.
Yes!
Gives me chills every time.
I don't get it.
You let him leave.
At the end of the month,
you'll get it,
when my customers return,
educated and ready to buy.
That leads us
to lesson number one.
So straighten up your tie,
'cause you're
going to meet a lady.
This is Lucy
the tank wipe trainer.
What is exactly
does wiping a grimy tank
have to do
with selling propane?
Everything.
When you talk tanks with the
customer, it won't just be talk.
You'll have smelled, touched,
and tasted more tanks
than he'll have ever seen.
But I want to sell grills.
When you're ready,
you will.
All right,
now what you do
is wipe from her head
down to her feet.
No, no, Bobby,
remember...
"Head to feet,
you won't cause a leak."
"Feet to head,
everyone's dead."
Tether tethered.
BILL:
I'm going to be
floating with the angels.
What's that gun for?
There is a small
to large chance
you will develop
high altitude
pulmonary edema
which means your capillaries
will flood with fluid,
preventing adequate
oxygenation
and a spiral
of worsening hypoxia,
leading to a slow
and painful death.
I don't think I want that.
That's why I got the gun.
If you start feeling
any shortness of breath,
rub your belly,
and I will give you
one of Dr. Dale's
.38 caliber pain pills.
What?
Don't worry,
I'm a good shot.
Remove the sandbags,
Boomhauer!
It works,
it works!
Oh, it's so beautiful up here.
Okay, when we released
the second tether,
Bill should
gradually float
30 feet into the air
as planned,
or he will soar
uncontrollably
into the stratosphere.
Huh?
Cut the cord, Boomhauer.
Wait!
He's giving the signal.
Stick out your chest
so I can get
a clean shot
at your heart!
Oh, man, use that
them dang old
escape rope, man!
(grunting)
(screaming)
(grunts)
I made it!
I'm all right!
Ow!
You're not
doing it right!
(screaming)
Ow, ow!
Help!
Hey, man, that dang,
better shoot
that dang old
balloon, man!
My eyes!
Man, ma dang,
dang old Bill's
gone, man.
Huh.
BOBBY:
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Congratulations, Bobby.
That's the pain you get
from not taking shortcuts.
(sighs)
Okay.
You know,
I think he may
really have what it takes
to be a great propane salesman.
Look, Peggy,
he can barely make it
to his room.
(Bobby collapses)
Aw, he can't.
Hey, Joe Jack.
My dad's making me
calibrate all the flanges.
Does this flange
look calibrated to you?
Um, beats me.
Never learned that stuff.
I just know about
moving product.
Wait a minute.
Then why am I stuck
back here doing this?
All that bunk
about learning
the fundamentals.
It’s just a way to get me
to do his grunt work.
Good afternoon,
sir... madam.
May I help you with one
of our fine products?
Well, do you
actually work here?
Yes, I do.
Bobby!
No!
Buck, I apologize.
This won't happen again.
Hell, I hope it does.
He just sold a Char-King!
He what?
Hit it out of the park
on his first at bat.
Bobby, I'm deputizing you...
Sales boy!
But, sir, he doesn't know
the fundamentals.
He didn’t sell
a grill.
Someone bought it
from him.
He's not ready.
Hey, Dad.
What's this sound like?
(rings bell)
Sounds like I'm ready.
Beginner's luck
is a curse, Bobby.
If you don't learn
the basics,
you'll be just another
also-ran
instead
of a still-running.
Well...
doing those basics
might be your way
but it's not my way.
It's not my way;
it's the right way.
Ha! If only there
were some easy way
to figure out whose way
works better.
All right, mister,
you're on.
Fine!
I cook two-inch steaks.
That's my predilection.
Is 22,000 BTUs
enough for me?
BT... what's the what now?
BTUs.
You know the heat index.
Uh... oh... well,
the thing with that is... uh...
Yeah, I'd be interested
to hear that too, Bobby.
The heat, huh?
Well, it ain't going
to be as hot
as the Dallas Cowboys
this season.
Now, they got a team.
Am I right?
What are you talking about?
Dallas stinks this year.
Which is why you're going
to spend Sunday afternoons
grilling
instead of watching TV.
Amen to that, brother.
BILL:
Hello, anyone?
Anybody?
Santa?
No.
Yes!
Yes!
If you get your parents,
I will give you a toy.
(groaning)
(screaming)
Good-bye, Santa.
I love you.
Plus with
a chrome reinforcement,
you don't have to worry
about her blowing up.
Grills blow up?!
Oh, just the cheap ones.
Uh, that's not
true, sir.
Every grill we sell here
is absolutely safe
and of the finest quality.
Oh, are they?
Joe Jack, what do you think
about the non-chrome grills?
What, the widow makers?
No, no, I have all the safety
information.
Thanks, but I'd rather not
take any chances.
I'll go with
the chrome one.
You and you...
my truck, now.
You two are
selling propane
like it's a diseased pet
that needs a home.
That stuff might fly
over at Thatherton Fuels,
but I'm putting a stop to it.
Mr. Strickland's happy,
the customers are happy.
The only one not happy is you.
But that's not our fault.
It's 'cause you're
in a slump.
How many times
do I have to tell you?
My sales come in
at the end of the month.
Okay.
You go the stink on you,
and everybody can smell it.
HANK:
And then, this morning,
I heard Bobby and Joe Jack
refer to a customer as a mark.
(sighs)
Every single lesson
he's learning is wrong.
Well, what do you expect?
Joe Jack is racking up sales
and from what your son
tells me
you don't have squat.
Children imitate success, Hank.
I catch my students
imitating me all the time.
Peggy, you know my system.
I'll have plenty of success
when all my sales come in
at the end of the month.
We cannot afford to take
that chance, Hank.
According to Rob Reiner,
these years are critical
for Bobby's core value
development.
You've got to dazzle him
with sales
or he may never
listen to you again.
Come on, pick up the pace!
But... But that’s not my system.
Then get a new one.
Just pretend
you’re one of those jerks
at the Sales-a-thon.
Okay, on three:
One, two, three.
For Bobby!
Hello.
Uh, I would like to sell you
a grill now.
Well, we’re just lookin'.
Uh, look no further?
Oh, great, here we go.
Yep, here we go
on an exciting journey
that ends with you
buying a grill.
(chuckling)
Uh, you want me to tell you
a joke?
So I pulled that tooth
I was telling you about.
DALE (on radio):
Arlen?
Do you read me?
Come in, Dale, Boomhauer?
Bill, is that you?
You didn't say over. Over.
Dale! Thank God!
I need water!
I'm in a tree!
Be more specific!
What town?
What type of tree? Over.
(sobbing):
I don't know!
I fell asleep!
Oh, wait!
Here come a bunch of kids!
Oh, thank God somebody came.
Hey, you.
What you doing up there?
Did Eduardo send you?
No, see, the wind changed,
and I'm just so dizzy...
How come you're hanging
from a tree?
You a piñata?
Hey, piñata,
it's my birthday!
(snickering)
Oh, no.
(boys laughing)
BILL:
No! No! Quit it! No!
(boys laughing)
Wow. Bill's new ballooning
buddies sound like a hoot!
I should've gone first.
Uh, Mr. Strickland,
I'm glad you're here.
I know I'm usually kicking it
into gear this time of the month
and I promise I...
Aw, don't sweat it, Old Top!
So you're in a slump.
Now, come on, I still got plenty
of use for you yet.
Thatheron.
Gentlemen, you all
know Hank Hill,
my number-one salesman
12 years running.
Stop stalling, Buck.
Where's your bet?
Right here.
I'm betting Hank!
What?!
If you win, you get
him for the week.
All right. I call.
But, sir, you always
bet Joe Jack.
Uh, I can't this time.
He's selling.
You're crapping
the big goose egg!
All right, bet's on.
Show'em!
Two pair, sevens high.
Full house.
No!
That's where them
aces were hiding.
Hank, you stand there
and look like a poker chip.
I'll come get
you in a minute.
(sighs)
Bobby, everything I told you
about sales being patience
and character
it's all still true.
I didn't show much
of either, and now
I'm paying the price.
Please promise me you'll
learn from my mistakes.
Uh, okay.
Come on, Bobby.
There's some nuns out
there who don't know
diddly about markup.
When I open this handkerchief,
you're credit card will
magically be back in one piece.
Alla-ka-sizzle.
Aw, geez.
(uncomfortable laugh)
This here's our crown jewel.
Our wet apron contest.
You do good by me,
I'll let you work the hose.
You told me I could bang
the dents out of my
canister with a hammer!
Are you trying to kill me?!
I, uh... what I meant
to say was, uh...
I'll get the manager.
Uh, Bobby, I'm not good
with unhappy customers.
That's your old man's
specialty.
If they ask for me,
I'm, uh... uh...
Yeah. Good luck, Bob!
(customers clamoring)
...speak to the
manager, please!
Please be patient, ma'am.
I can't find my pen.
Joe Jack, so help me God.
If you took my pen again.
You don't know anything
about the BTUs on this grill!
It took me four hours
to cook my two-inch steaks!
I, uh, maybe...
Look, free cookies!
Cookies?
I'm a diabetic.
Get back here!
He's gettin' away!
Follow him!
Uh, sure, this grill is perfect
for indoor grilling.
Or heating.
And we at Thatherton
guarantee that the gas
will never ever run out.
(quietly):
He won me in a card game.
Get out of here
while you still can.
Run! Run! Run!
That way!
I just saw a jet ski payment
run out the door.
What happened?
Look, I can sell propane
upside-down and blindfolded,
but not with my integrity
tied behind my back.
There must be some sort
of honest work that needs
to be done around here.
Hey, mister, have you seen
Hank Hill?
Dad?
What are you doing
wiping tanks?
I thought that grunt work
was only for rookies.
(sighs)
Bobby, did you listen
to anything I tried
to tell you?
The great ones
practice the basics.
So you thought I could be
a great one, too?
I trusted you with the
flanges on your second day.
I think that says it all.
Things are kind of
melting down
over at Strickland.
We need you back.
Well, I still got
a debt to pay here.
Uh, Mr. Strickland
gave me the 20 bucks
to pay Thatheron.
Huh. That must just be
the first installment.
Let's go satisfy
some customers.
(dry croaking)
Your turn.
(crowd clamoring)
All right, who can I help first?
What seems to be the problem?
Well, my tank ran out.
It was supposed to be
a 50-gallon tank.
Ma'am, that's only
a ten-gallon tank.
Must've been
a miscommunication.
I'll take care of it.
I'm glad you are now
officially satisfied.
That was some day,
huh, Bobby?
Actually,
it was pretty horrible.
Tick... ticka-ticka.
Come on, baby.
I'm sorry you're not
going to get the sales
award this year, Dad.
Maybe I should
get back to Lucy.
It's foot to head, right?
No, then everyone's
dead, Bobby.
Remember, it's head to feet,
but we’ll work on that tomorrow.
Why don't you go lock
the door for me?
♪ Closin' time! ♪
♪ Joe Jack is the winner ♪
♪ And Hank Hill is the loser. ♪
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I'll take this
one, too, slumpy.
And what can I
do you for?
You're the guy
who gave me the brochures.
Hmm.
The first time I read them,
they made no sense.
But then, it started
sinking in...
It usually does.
BOBBY:
So the guy says,
"I'm switching my trailer park
to propane.
I need 500 tanks."
A minute before closing!
You should've seen Joe Jack!
He pulled a flask out of his
desk and started drinking.
It was so funny!
Yep, every Grillstravaganza
is different,
but they always end the same.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access. Wgbh. Org
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
DALE:
Eh? Eh?
Ooh!
Balloon!
Whose birthday
is it?
Joseph's?
Or Nancy's?
No, wait!
It's my birthday,
isn't it?
Bill, it's
a weather balloon.
And your birthday's...
uh, was last week.
Uh, sorry, Bill.
Happy belated birthday.
Thank you, Hank.
I've got
18 more of these.
A balloonist’s dozen.
Hey, man, how about
that dang old dude,
man, true story man,
it got, got him,
all them balloons
up in 'em lawn chair,
man, going around 16,000 feet,
man, that old Bruce Dern
played him in a,
in a dang old movie, man.
Boomhauer, that guy
almost died.
You can't just strap
some weather balloons
to a lawn chair and fly
to the store for some candy.
That's ridiculous.
(sighs)
I need to focus.
Our biggest propane sale
of the year starts tomorrow.
I can't afford
to be thinking about helium.
Yeah, that's ridiculous,
Boomhauer.
This is it.
The Grillstravaganza.
Okay, let's do it.
On three.
One, two, three.
For the customer!
Enrique!
Nice clip-on.
Looking good.
Donna, thanks
for clearing your desk.
I know how much
you like your unicorns.
(sighs)
Joe Jack,
what's with the hat?
Sorry, honey.
But this year,
I'm going to
be selling
more grills
than you.
In fact, your winning streak's
about to go up in flames.
Abra-kazam!
Ah, good God, that's hot.
Do you know why
I sell the most propane
every Grillstravaganza,
Joe Jack?
I educate the customer
so they can make
an informed decision.
That's my magic trick.
Oh-oh.
Rabbit done peed on my head.
Boy, that Joe Jack.
He's never going to get
anywhere until he learns
that sales
is all about character.
Well, unfortunately,
that is the sort of lesson
he will only learn
on his deathbed.
And no one wants
to buy a grill from a dying man.
Hey, you know
who might get a kick
out of learning
some character?
Bobby.
Maybe I'll take him to work.
Show him how his old man
pays for his bath salts.
Cookies!
Bobby, that's not a cookie.
It's a sales cookie.
When you make a sale,
you get a cookie,
and you get to ring the bell.
It's asinine,
but it works
for some people.
(rings bell)
The sales cookie's the sweetest
cookie you'll ever taste, honey.
Every time I hear a bell,
I starts to drooling.
And this is the sales board.
It's like the giant scoreboard
at the Masters.
Except instead of Tiger Woods,
you have me.
Wow.
Cookies,
my name in blue marker...
What do you want me
to sell first?
(laughs)
You want to make a sale
on your first day?
(laughs)
Ah, God bless you, boy.
Uh, I think you better
watch this first.
Morning, sir.
I see you admiring
the Vogner line.
Why don't you give these
brochures a read,
talk them over
with your wife,
or a trusted
older family member,
and come back
if and when you're ready.
We'll be here.
Okay.
Well, thanks.
Yes!
Gives me chills every time.
I don't get it.
You let him leave.
At the end of the month,
you'll get it,
when my customers return,
educated and ready to buy.
That leads us
to lesson number one.
So straighten up your tie,
'cause you're
going to meet a lady.
This is Lucy
the tank wipe trainer.
What is exactly
does wiping a grimy tank
have to do
with selling propane?
Everything.
When you talk tanks with the
customer, it won't just be talk.
You'll have smelled, touched,
and tasted more tanks
than he'll have ever seen.
But I want to sell grills.
When you're ready,
you will.
All right,
now what you do
is wipe from her head
down to her feet.
No, no, Bobby,
remember...
"Head to feet,
you won't cause a leak."
"Feet to head,
everyone's dead."
Tether tethered.
BILL:
I'm going to be
floating with the angels.
What's that gun for?
There is a small
to large chance
you will develop
high altitude
pulmonary edema
which means your capillaries
will flood with fluid,
preventing adequate
oxygenation
and a spiral
of worsening hypoxia,
leading to a slow
and painful death.
I don't think I want that.
That's why I got the gun.
If you start feeling
any shortness of breath,
rub your belly,
and I will give you
one of Dr. Dale's
.38 caliber pain pills.
What?
Don't worry,
I'm a good shot.
Remove the sandbags,
Boomhauer!
It works,
it works!
Oh, it's so beautiful up here.
Okay, when we released
the second tether,
Bill should
gradually float
30 feet into the air
as planned,
or he will soar
uncontrollably
into the stratosphere.
Huh?
Cut the cord, Boomhauer.
Wait!
He's giving the signal.
Stick out your chest
so I can get
a clean shot
at your heart!
Oh, man, use that
them dang old
escape rope, man!
(grunting)
(screaming)
(grunts)
I made it!
I'm all right!
Ow!
You're not
doing it right!
(screaming)
Ow, ow!
Help!
Hey, man, that dang,
better shoot
that dang old
balloon, man!
My eyes!
Man, ma dang,
dang old Bill's
gone, man.
Huh.
BOBBY:
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Congratulations, Bobby.
That's the pain you get
from not taking shortcuts.
(sighs)
Okay.
You know,
I think he may
really have what it takes
to be a great propane salesman.
Look, Peggy,
he can barely make it
to his room.
(Bobby collapses)
Aw, he can't.
Hey, Joe Jack.
My dad's making me
calibrate all the flanges.
Does this flange
look calibrated to you?
Um, beats me.
Never learned that stuff.
I just know about
moving product.
Wait a minute.
Then why am I stuck
back here doing this?
All that bunk
about learning
the fundamentals.
It’s just a way to get me
to do his grunt work.
Good afternoon,
sir... madam.
May I help you with one
of our fine products?
Well, do you
actually work here?
Yes, I do.
Bobby!
No!
Buck, I apologize.
This won't happen again.
Hell, I hope it does.
He just sold a Char-King!
He what?
Hit it out of the park
on his first at bat.
Bobby, I'm deputizing you...
Sales boy!
But, sir, he doesn't know
the fundamentals.
He didn’t sell
a grill.
Someone bought it
from him.
He's not ready.
Hey, Dad.
What's this sound like?
(rings bell)
Sounds like I'm ready.
Beginner's luck
is a curse, Bobby.
If you don't learn
the basics,
you'll be just another
also-ran
instead
of a still-running.
Well...
doing those basics
might be your way
but it's not my way.
It's not my way;
it's the right way.
Ha! If only there
were some easy way
to figure out whose way
works better.
All right, mister,
you're on.
Fine!
I cook two-inch steaks.
That's my predilection.
Is 22,000 BTUs
enough for me?
BT... what's the what now?
BTUs.
You know the heat index.
Uh... oh... well,
the thing with that is... uh...
Yeah, I'd be interested
to hear that too, Bobby.
The heat, huh?
Well, it ain't going
to be as hot
as the Dallas Cowboys
this season.
Now, they got a team.
Am I right?
What are you talking about?
Dallas stinks this year.
Which is why you're going
to spend Sunday afternoons
grilling
instead of watching TV.
Amen to that, brother.
BILL:
Hello, anyone?
Anybody?
Santa?
No.
Yes!
Yes!
If you get your parents,
I will give you a toy.
(groaning)
(screaming)
Good-bye, Santa.
I love you.
Plus with
a chrome reinforcement,
you don't have to worry
about her blowing up.
Grills blow up?!
Oh, just the cheap ones.
Uh, that's not
true, sir.
Every grill we sell here
is absolutely safe
and of the finest quality.
Oh, are they?
Joe Jack, what do you think
about the non-chrome grills?
What, the widow makers?
No, no, I have all the safety
information.
Thanks, but I'd rather not
take any chances.
I'll go with
the chrome one.
You and you...
my truck, now.
You two are
selling propane
like it's a diseased pet
that needs a home.
That stuff might fly
over at Thatherton Fuels,
but I'm putting a stop to it.
Mr. Strickland's happy,
the customers are happy.
The only one not happy is you.
But that's not our fault.
It's 'cause you're
in a slump.
How many times
do I have to tell you?
My sales come in
at the end of the month.
Okay.
You go the stink on you,
and everybody can smell it.
HANK:
And then, this morning,
I heard Bobby and Joe Jack
refer to a customer as a mark.
(sighs)
Every single lesson
he's learning is wrong.
Well, what do you expect?
Joe Jack is racking up sales
and from what your son
tells me
you don't have squat.
Children imitate success, Hank.
I catch my students
imitating me all the time.
Peggy, you know my system.
I'll have plenty of success
when all my sales come in
at the end of the month.
We cannot afford to take
that chance, Hank.
According to Rob Reiner,
these years are critical
for Bobby's core value
development.
You've got to dazzle him
with sales
or he may never
listen to you again.
Come on, pick up the pace!
But... But that’s not my system.
Then get a new one.
Just pretend
you’re one of those jerks
at the Sales-a-thon.
Okay, on three:
One, two, three.
For Bobby!
Hello.
Uh, I would like to sell you
a grill now.
Well, we’re just lookin'.
Uh, look no further?
Oh, great, here we go.
Yep, here we go
on an exciting journey
that ends with you
buying a grill.
(chuckling)
Uh, you want me to tell you
a joke?
So I pulled that tooth
I was telling you about.
DALE (on radio):
Arlen?
Do you read me?
Come in, Dale, Boomhauer?
Bill, is that you?
You didn't say over. Over.
Dale! Thank God!
I need water!
I'm in a tree!
Be more specific!
What town?
What type of tree? Over.
(sobbing):
I don't know!
I fell asleep!
Oh, wait!
Here come a bunch of kids!
Oh, thank God somebody came.
Hey, you.
What you doing up there?
Did Eduardo send you?
No, see, the wind changed,
and I'm just so dizzy...
How come you're hanging
from a tree?
You a piñata?
Hey, piñata,
it's my birthday!
(snickering)
Oh, no.
(boys laughing)
BILL:
No! No! Quit it! No!
(boys laughing)
Wow. Bill's new ballooning
buddies sound like a hoot!
I should've gone first.
Uh, Mr. Strickland,
I'm glad you're here.
I know I'm usually kicking it
into gear this time of the month
and I promise I...
Aw, don't sweat it, Old Top!
So you're in a slump.
Now, come on, I still got plenty
of use for you yet.
Thatheron.
Gentlemen, you all
know Hank Hill,
my number-one salesman
12 years running.
Stop stalling, Buck.
Where's your bet?
Right here.
I'm betting Hank!
What?!
If you win, you get
him for the week.
All right. I call.
But, sir, you always
bet Joe Jack.
Uh, I can't this time.
He's selling.
You're crapping
the big goose egg!
All right, bet's on.
Show'em!
Two pair, sevens high.
Full house.
No!
That's where them
aces were hiding.
Hank, you stand there
and look like a poker chip.
I'll come get
you in a minute.
(sighs)
Bobby, everything I told you
about sales being patience
and character
it's all still true.
I didn't show much
of either, and now
I'm paying the price.
Please promise me you'll
learn from my mistakes.
Uh, okay.
Come on, Bobby.
There's some nuns out
there who don't know
diddly about markup.
When I open this handkerchief,
you're credit card will
magically be back in one piece.
Alla-ka-sizzle.
Aw, geez.
(uncomfortable laugh)
This here's our crown jewel.
Our wet apron contest.
You do good by me,
I'll let you work the hose.
You told me I could bang
the dents out of my
canister with a hammer!
Are you trying to kill me?!
I, uh... what I meant
to say was, uh...
I'll get the manager.
Uh, Bobby, I'm not good
with unhappy customers.
That's your old man's
specialty.
If they ask for me,
I'm, uh... uh...
Yeah. Good luck, Bob!
(customers clamoring)
...speak to the
manager, please!
Please be patient, ma'am.
I can't find my pen.
Joe Jack, so help me God.
If you took my pen again.
You don't know anything
about the BTUs on this grill!
It took me four hours
to cook my two-inch steaks!
I, uh, maybe...
Look, free cookies!
Cookies?
I'm a diabetic.
Get back here!
He's gettin' away!
Follow him!
Uh, sure, this grill is perfect
for indoor grilling.
Or heating.
And we at Thatherton
guarantee that the gas
will never ever run out.
(quietly):
He won me in a card game.
Get out of here
while you still can.
Run! Run! Run!
That way!
I just saw a jet ski payment
run out the door.
What happened?
Look, I can sell propane
upside-down and blindfolded,
but not with my integrity
tied behind my back.
There must be some sort
of honest work that needs
to be done around here.
Hey, mister, have you seen
Hank Hill?
Dad?
What are you doing
wiping tanks?
I thought that grunt work
was only for rookies.
(sighs)
Bobby, did you listen
to anything I tried
to tell you?
The great ones
practice the basics.
So you thought I could be
a great one, too?
I trusted you with the
flanges on your second day.
I think that says it all.
Things are kind of
melting down
over at Strickland.
We need you back.
Well, I still got
a debt to pay here.
Uh, Mr. Strickland
gave me the 20 bucks
to pay Thatheron.
Huh. That must just be
the first installment.
Let's go satisfy
some customers.
(dry croaking)
Your turn.
(crowd clamoring)
All right, who can I help first?
What seems to be the problem?
Well, my tank ran out.
It was supposed to be
a 50-gallon tank.
Ma'am, that's only
a ten-gallon tank.
Must've been
a miscommunication.
I'll take care of it.
I'm glad you are now
officially satisfied.
That was some day,
huh, Bobby?
Actually,
it was pretty horrible.
Tick... ticka-ticka.
Come on, baby.
I'm sorry you're not
going to get the sales
award this year, Dad.
Maybe I should
get back to Lucy.
It's foot to head, right?
No, then everyone's
dead, Bobby.
Remember, it's head to feet,
but we’ll work on that tomorrow.
Why don't you go lock
the door for me?
♪ Closin' time! ♪
♪ Joe Jack is the winner ♪
♪ And Hank Hill is the loser. ♪
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I'll take this
one, too, slumpy.
And what can I
do you for?
You're the guy
who gave me the brochures.
Hmm.
The first time I read them,
they made no sense.
But then, it started
sinking in...
It usually does.
BOBBY:
So the guy says,
"I'm switching my trailer park
to propane.
I need 500 tanks."
A minute before closing!
You should've seen Joe Jack!
He pulled a flask out of his
desk and started drinking.
It was so funny!
Yep, every Grillstravaganza
is different,
but they always end the same.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access. Wgbh. Org