King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 7, Episode 15 - An Officer and a Gentle Boy - full transcript
When Bobby repeatedly disobeys Hank, he is forced to attend the same boot camp Cotton went to in his youth. But to Cotton's horror, the once draconian facility now mollycoddles its cadets.
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
HANK:
I bought this whetstone
the day Bobby was born.
I can't believe he's ready to
sharpen his first mower blade.
Son...
you're a teenager now,
on your way to becoming a man.
This will help you
on the journey.
Wow. I've always wanted
one of these.
No, no! Stop that!
(sighs)
This is for sharpening
mower blades.
You'll sharpen every Saturday
and when you've shown me
you can handle
the responsibility
you'll get to use those blades
to mow the lawn.
Okay.
Hey, don't put that
down there.
Oops. Sorry.
Dang it, Bobby.
You're going to rake leaves
until that whetstone
is paid off.
And every Thursday,
you're going to bag them
and drag them to the curb
so they can be picked up
by garbageman Morehouse.
How about he grabs the bags
himself?
He seems to like it, Dad.
He's made a career of it.
Start raking.
(gasps)
What the?
Bobby!
BOBBY:
Coming.
Ow!
Huh? I've been practicing
all morning.
That's it.
You're grounded
until you're ready to pick up
those leaves.
Okay.
I mean it, mister.
Can I take the rake
with me?
No.
Dinner's ready.
(Bobby sniffling)
In a minute.
Son, I'm sorry I had to come
down hard on you, but you're...
What are you doing?
Just smelling stuff.
(sniffs)
Uh-huh.
The clock radio smells
like my Game Boy
but it tastes like
my library card.
I wonder if it
smells different
when it's on?
So, where's Bobby?
I want to talk to
someone while you work.
He's grounded.
Not that he cares.
He's just sitting there, uh...
smelling things in his room.
(sighs):
That boy ain't right.
Don't blame Bobby.
You've been babying him
ever since he was a baby.
I don't baby him.
I've explained responsibility
to him a hundred times.
Explain?!
You don't explain responsibility
to a child.
You pound it into them
with steel-toed boots.
Uh, well, I-I don't really
know if...
I know.
And I'll tell you.
We got to chisel the man
out of the baby fat
via the Fort Berk Academy.
That's what worked
for me.
I always wanted to go
to the Academy.
And I wish I
could've sent you.
Unfortunately, you were such
a bumbling moron
I couldn't vouch for you.
I think I would've made
a great cadet.
Nah, you wouldn't
have been no good.
But if you'd gone, you'd
know how to handle Bobby.
Yep, even the Academy's
two-week boot camp
does more than most parents can
do to their kids in a lifetime.
Now Bobby...
he'd make a fine cadet.
Huh.
I do not know how
Bobby gets this
cape so wrinkled.
Yeah, I don't know what to do
about him, either.
What would you think about
letting the instructors at
Fort Berk take a crack at him?
Cotton's old school?
Sure. And then maybe
this summer
we can send him
to Cotton's old POW camp.
Peggy, I talked to the principal
and he assured me that
they are tough, but not rough.
He spent a long time
on the phone
explaining the distinction.
Come on. Today,
you're ironing his cape.
If we don't take
drastic action
tomorrow there'll be
a top hat in the picture.
COTTON:
Bobby?
It's your Gampy.
We got a little present
for ya.
Hi, Ging-ging.
What'd you bring me?
Wow, a costume!
"You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth!"
It's perfect.
This ain't no costume, boy.
It's a uniform.
Standard issue for all cadets
at Fort Berk Academy.
Huh?
Yep. We're giving you
the privilege of attending
the Academy's two-week
boot camp program.
Enjoy your
spring break, son.
Boot camp?
Can't we work something out?
What if I agreed to a spanking?
You can have both.
I'm not sure
what this means
but I once heard that
when you're stuck in
an unpleasant situation
it helps to just lie back
and think of England.
(horn honking)
That's enough,
Hank's wife!
If you got more feelings
to express
get in the kitchen
and put them in a bundt cake.
Pi-diddle.
(laughing)
Come on, Bobby.
Whenever you see a cripple plate
yell "pi-diddle"
and punch your dad.
I'm not much in the mood
to play games, Grandpa.
Come on, boy.
Take your tee-hees
while you can.
Soon enough, all the silly
is going to get beaten out
of you. For good.
You'll be fine,
Bobby.
But if you
start crying
just try to push
the tears onto
your forehead
so it'll look
like sweat.
In my day, the principal
was the meanest son of a bitch
God ever put on one leg.
He'd lean on a desk with both
hands and swing his leg at you.
Then, when you were
standing there
shocked that a one-legged man
had kicked you, he'd bite you.
Oops. Well.
Huh.
How you like that?
Must've over-reminisced
and brought up my pain water.
(moans sadly)
(weakly):
Pi-diddle.
COTTON:
There it is, boys.
God! Ain't it beautiful?
That, my friend,
is "the hole."
If I had a nickel
for every boy
that went loco in there
I'd be eating
nickel soup.
They can put a boy
in a hole?
No, they...
They gots to!
It's hard to be willful
if your will’s been broken.
What are you doing?
Well, I was planning
on coming in with you guys.
I thought I explained
this to you 30 years ago.
You ain't good enough!
I was just going
to help Bobby get...
You've helped enough!
Starting now,
Fort Berk takes over.
So keep yourself and your
hippie style of parenting
outside the gate.
Dad?
Good Lord, they're going
to have to get bigger sticks
to beat the frosting
out of these fatties.
(laughing)
But they'll do it.
Colonel Hill,
it's an honor
to finally meet
our most decorated alumnus.
You're darn Skippy it is
but I don’t wants my boy
getting no special handling.
I assure you, Colonel
he'll get the
standard treatment.
(chuckling)
(chuckling)
Well, boy, may
God bless you.
Not that it would
help you in here.
I can hardly wait
to see my grandson
all toughened up.
You think you folks
could mail me copies
of his daily beating logs?
(chuckling)
Colonel Hill,
you do realize
things have changed
since your time here?
All right, you can
e-mail them to me.
(playing "Taps")
Lights out!
I suggest you get as much sleep
as you can
before the senior
cadets come by
to... welcome you.
(laughing)
(sobbing softly)
BOY:
Oh, no, I made
a code yellow.
Oh, God, my grandpa told me
they come in and beat you
with sacks
full of frozen oranges.
(gasping):
Oh, dang!
Someone's coming.
Lie back
and think of England.
Hugh Grant, Spice Girls...
Paddington.
(clanging)
(cadets yelling)
I don't get it.
Why was that
supposed to be scary?
Well, five more minutes
like that
and I guess it might have caused
some hearing damage.
Just think, when Bobby
comes home from Fort Berk
he's going to be respectful,
obedient and easy to manage.
That's right, Hank...
just like a... a show dog.
(sobbing)
My grandpa says
that all you get for breakfast
is a spoonful of salt
and some stale bread.
Oh, man!
That's how they brainwash you.
They starve you first.
Okay, plebes, move it.
Crepe station closes
in five minutes.
Uh, these sure are
some good peas, Peggy.
What's your secret?
Microwave.
I wonder if Bobby's
being forced to sleep
in mud or dung
right now?
Wait, what's today, Tuesday?
Dung.
(bawling)
No one is answering, Hank!
Oh, they're probably
all bound and gagged.
(gasping)
Oh, my God.
What if the wires
from this doorbell
are connected to his nipples?
It is worse
than I could have imagined!
Will you let us in?!
Let us in!
We demand to see Bobby Hill!
Peggy, protocol.
Sir, permission
to see Cadet Hill
while keeping a respectful
distance from the grounds.
Oh, you're his father.
We talked on the phone.
You're welcome to come in.
I am?
Of course, and
so is your lawyer.
We have nothing to hide.
Your concern for your son
is perfectly normal,
but I can assure you
Cadet Hill is
excelling here.
Mom! Dad!
Bobby! Honey,
are you okay?
Blink if you're not.
I'm great, ma'am.
Cadet Hill, why don't
you take your parents
to Survival
Crafts class?
I can attend a class
at Fort Berk?
Well, I won't let you down,
Bobby.
I mean, Cadet Hill.
On the battlefield
you may find yourself stranded
without enough
water to survive
but with a sufficient
quantity of mud
you will have
the ability
to create your own bowl,
pot, urn, decanter
or beaker to
collect rainwater.
Very nice work,
Mr. Hill.
We'll make sure to have
that glazed before you go.
Did you hear
that, Peggy?
I'm doing it.
I'm Fort Berk material.
Where's dinner?
It's 3:00, Dad.
I can't eat excuses.
You heard from Bobby?
Yeah, he's, uh, surviving.
Surviving?!
He's got too much
of you and that one
to be surviving at Fort Berk.
Even I
barely survived
and I didn't have Gas Monkey
and Sasquatch for parents.
I will have you know, Cotton
that Bobby
is thriving.
We went to Fort Berk
yesterday and saw him.
What in the name of Ned?!
They ain't supposed
to let you two on campus.
They are required
to by law
and we sat in on
one of his classes.
Hank, show him
the bowl you made.
What the?!
You made a bowl?
Well, yeah.
It's a combat bowl.
Bobby made one, too.
Combat bowl?
The only bowl
he's supposed to make
is from a hollowed-out skull.
How you doing in there,
you poor saps?
(chortling)
What the?
(screaming)
Is that all the respect
you got for me?
You go and turn
my childhood home
into a giant
sissy factory!
How's my grandson
supposed to toughen up
with you candying his ass?!
Sir, when I got here
from Antioch College...
You're fired! Get out!
You can’t just fire me.
Is that a fact?
Okay, Powder puff
I would like you to speak
to Clean Latrine Gene
who happens to be the chairman
of your board of trustees.
General Gene Jefford?
That's right.
Uh, h-hello.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Very well, I...
Can I keep the
Aeron desk chair?
Thank you, sir.
Hey, after this
let's go to the mess
and get a smoothie.
Grandpa?
Fall in!
The previous commander
was just as soft
and ineffective as your parents
and your parents are not paying
good money for that.
Now, I'm here to make sure
they get their money's worth.
With interest.
(gasping)
There's going to be changes
around here
and ain't none of you
going to like it.
Day is night, joy is pain,
love is hate!
(groaning)
Good thinking, Private McFainty.
Sleep up
'cause starting
at 0400 hours
you don't
gets no more.
See you at sunrise, weakies.
State your business.
Grandpa. Gampy. Ging-ging.
It's Bobby here. Your Bing-Bing.
I ain't your Ging-ging,
and you ain'ts my Bing-bing.
And if you think I'm giving you
special treatment, well...
you're right on target.
Good, because I told
the fellows...
Hush, boy!
I will "special treat" you
to a double dose of pain!
Why?
I want you
to come out
of this cauldron
of burning hell
the best damn cadet
you can be.
Thanks, but you don't
have to worry about that.
All we really want
is the phone service back
and the mattresses for our beds.
Quiet!
Now, your daddy
tells me
you have a problem
raking leaves.
Well, I guarantee
you won't have a problem
raking leaves
after you've picked up every
leaf on this campus with...
a fork!
(screams)
What the hell are
you doing, boy?!
You gave me a fork,
so I figured I'd eat the leaves.
Boy, am I stuffed!
(chuckles):
Just kidding, Grandpa.
(groans)
Maybe this is my fault
for not properly
motivating you.
If it's food you want...
I could eat.
COTTON:
You don’t want to rake
then maybe you need more energy.
This rotten pile of backwash
is all for you, boy.
And you're gonna
keep shoveling it down
until it starts
coming up!
Okay.
Dinner's over.
Now I'm gonna give you
something cold for dessert.
Okay.
Anything cracks
if you freeze it
long enough.
How you doing,
boy?
I'm okay.
Mom says I'm naturally built
for winter climates.
God dang it!
You're going
into the hole.
The hole's
what broke me
and that's what's
gonna break you, too.
Time to say good-bye, soldier.
Go and get in your grow-up box!
Ging-ging?
Quit your
still-standing.
Start running
till you hit the horizon.
SPOONY:
See, Forky?
I just knew
there was a better world
outside the cutlery drawer.
(whispers):
I wonder what
Bobby's doing now?
Probably having a bull
session in the barracks
with his new pals.
Bobby? Bobby, are you okay?!
Tap once if you're okay.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, hey, Didi.
I've got the new
TV Guide here
with all the judge shows
circled like my dad likes.
Is he around?
No. Cotton's
at Fort Berk.
What?
He has temporarily
taken over the Academy.
Oh, my God, no.
Yes. He is ruling
with an iron fist.
He threw Bobby
in the hole about
three days ago.
Bwaaagh!
He ain't gonna be
a pretty sight, boys.
Humpty Dumpty's done cracked
but now we can put him
back together
and rebuild him
as a super-cadet.
Dad, are you crazy? Let him out.
I was just fixing to.
Bobby? Bobby?
Give him some air.
Bobby?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Uh... oh.
Hey, Dad.
(awning)
Ooh.
Well, I've tried a mattress,
I've tried cement...
I'm a mattress guy.
(laughing)
Bobby,
you're okay?!
Same 'ol, same 'ol.
I was merciless!
I dropped down on him
like a steam trunk
full of concrete!
HANK:
You didn't budge him
did you?
(chuckles)
I... I don't get it.
What's so funny?
I told you it wasn’t easy.
You didn't believe me,
did you, Dad?
(sighs):
I guess he was just
born a pile of mush.
Well, I guess
you could say that.
But maybe mush
isn't all bad.
You can keep
stomping on it
but it's all give;
it just stays mush.
You can't build it up
but you can't break it down,
either.
In a funny way,
mush kind of has the edge.
(laughs)
Can you imagine that pile
of mush in the POW camps?
He would've driven
them Tojos crazy.
Three days with Bobby
and they would've
quit the war!
(laughing)
I wish you could've seen
the old Fort Berk, Hank.
But I guess
those days is gone.
You know, Colonel,
all this time I've
been talking to you
you didn’t grant me
permission to speak.
That's right.
That's practically
insubordination.
You better drop
and give me 20, boy.
Yes, sir.
Two, three, four.
No, no, you're doing it
wrong, Cadet!
Start over!
How'd you do it,
Bobby?
How'd you survive
the hole?
Well, I admit, I started
getting a little worried.
But then I found some
inspirational graffiti
on the wall
and it kept me going.
Captioned by
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COTTON:
What the?! You
made a bowl.
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
TELEVISION
HANK:
I bought this whetstone
the day Bobby was born.
I can't believe he's ready to
sharpen his first mower blade.
Son...
you're a teenager now,
on your way to becoming a man.
This will help you
on the journey.
Wow. I've always wanted
one of these.
No, no! Stop that!
(sighs)
This is for sharpening
mower blades.
You'll sharpen every Saturday
and when you've shown me
you can handle
the responsibility
you'll get to use those blades
to mow the lawn.
Okay.
Hey, don't put that
down there.
Oops. Sorry.
Dang it, Bobby.
You're going to rake leaves
until that whetstone
is paid off.
And every Thursday,
you're going to bag them
and drag them to the curb
so they can be picked up
by garbageman Morehouse.
How about he grabs the bags
himself?
He seems to like it, Dad.
He's made a career of it.
Start raking.
(gasps)
What the?
Bobby!
BOBBY:
Coming.
Ow!
Huh? I've been practicing
all morning.
That's it.
You're grounded
until you're ready to pick up
those leaves.
Okay.
I mean it, mister.
Can I take the rake
with me?
No.
Dinner's ready.
(Bobby sniffling)
In a minute.
Son, I'm sorry I had to come
down hard on you, but you're...
What are you doing?
Just smelling stuff.
(sniffs)
Uh-huh.
The clock radio smells
like my Game Boy
but it tastes like
my library card.
I wonder if it
smells different
when it's on?
So, where's Bobby?
I want to talk to
someone while you work.
He's grounded.
Not that he cares.
He's just sitting there, uh...
smelling things in his room.
(sighs):
That boy ain't right.
Don't blame Bobby.
You've been babying him
ever since he was a baby.
I don't baby him.
I've explained responsibility
to him a hundred times.
Explain?!
You don't explain responsibility
to a child.
You pound it into them
with steel-toed boots.
Uh, well, I-I don't really
know if...
I know.
And I'll tell you.
We got to chisel the man
out of the baby fat
via the Fort Berk Academy.
That's what worked
for me.
I always wanted to go
to the Academy.
And I wish I
could've sent you.
Unfortunately, you were such
a bumbling moron
I couldn't vouch for you.
I think I would've made
a great cadet.
Nah, you wouldn't
have been no good.
But if you'd gone, you'd
know how to handle Bobby.
Yep, even the Academy's
two-week boot camp
does more than most parents can
do to their kids in a lifetime.
Now Bobby...
he'd make a fine cadet.
Huh.
I do not know how
Bobby gets this
cape so wrinkled.
Yeah, I don't know what to do
about him, either.
What would you think about
letting the instructors at
Fort Berk take a crack at him?
Cotton's old school?
Sure. And then maybe
this summer
we can send him
to Cotton's old POW camp.
Peggy, I talked to the principal
and he assured me that
they are tough, but not rough.
He spent a long time
on the phone
explaining the distinction.
Come on. Today,
you're ironing his cape.
If we don't take
drastic action
tomorrow there'll be
a top hat in the picture.
COTTON:
Bobby?
It's your Gampy.
We got a little present
for ya.
Hi, Ging-ging.
What'd you bring me?
Wow, a costume!
"You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth!"
It's perfect.
This ain't no costume, boy.
It's a uniform.
Standard issue for all cadets
at Fort Berk Academy.
Huh?
Yep. We're giving you
the privilege of attending
the Academy's two-week
boot camp program.
Enjoy your
spring break, son.
Boot camp?
Can't we work something out?
What if I agreed to a spanking?
You can have both.
I'm not sure
what this means
but I once heard that
when you're stuck in
an unpleasant situation
it helps to just lie back
and think of England.
(horn honking)
That's enough,
Hank's wife!
If you got more feelings
to express
get in the kitchen
and put them in a bundt cake.
Pi-diddle.
(laughing)
Come on, Bobby.
Whenever you see a cripple plate
yell "pi-diddle"
and punch your dad.
I'm not much in the mood
to play games, Grandpa.
Come on, boy.
Take your tee-hees
while you can.
Soon enough, all the silly
is going to get beaten out
of you. For good.
You'll be fine,
Bobby.
But if you
start crying
just try to push
the tears onto
your forehead
so it'll look
like sweat.
In my day, the principal
was the meanest son of a bitch
God ever put on one leg.
He'd lean on a desk with both
hands and swing his leg at you.
Then, when you were
standing there
shocked that a one-legged man
had kicked you, he'd bite you.
Oops. Well.
Huh.
How you like that?
Must've over-reminisced
and brought up my pain water.
(moans sadly)
(weakly):
Pi-diddle.
COTTON:
There it is, boys.
God! Ain't it beautiful?
That, my friend,
is "the hole."
If I had a nickel
for every boy
that went loco in there
I'd be eating
nickel soup.
They can put a boy
in a hole?
No, they...
They gots to!
It's hard to be willful
if your will’s been broken.
What are you doing?
Well, I was planning
on coming in with you guys.
I thought I explained
this to you 30 years ago.
You ain't good enough!
I was just going
to help Bobby get...
You've helped enough!
Starting now,
Fort Berk takes over.
So keep yourself and your
hippie style of parenting
outside the gate.
Dad?
Good Lord, they're going
to have to get bigger sticks
to beat the frosting
out of these fatties.
(laughing)
But they'll do it.
Colonel Hill,
it's an honor
to finally meet
our most decorated alumnus.
You're darn Skippy it is
but I don’t wants my boy
getting no special handling.
I assure you, Colonel
he'll get the
standard treatment.
(chuckling)
(chuckling)
Well, boy, may
God bless you.
Not that it would
help you in here.
I can hardly wait
to see my grandson
all toughened up.
You think you folks
could mail me copies
of his daily beating logs?
(chuckling)
Colonel Hill,
you do realize
things have changed
since your time here?
All right, you can
e-mail them to me.
(playing "Taps")
Lights out!
I suggest you get as much sleep
as you can
before the senior
cadets come by
to... welcome you.
(laughing)
(sobbing softly)
BOY:
Oh, no, I made
a code yellow.
Oh, God, my grandpa told me
they come in and beat you
with sacks
full of frozen oranges.
(gasping):
Oh, dang!
Someone's coming.
Lie back
and think of England.
Hugh Grant, Spice Girls...
Paddington.
(clanging)
(cadets yelling)
I don't get it.
Why was that
supposed to be scary?
Well, five more minutes
like that
and I guess it might have caused
some hearing damage.
Just think, when Bobby
comes home from Fort Berk
he's going to be respectful,
obedient and easy to manage.
That's right, Hank...
just like a... a show dog.
(sobbing)
My grandpa says
that all you get for breakfast
is a spoonful of salt
and some stale bread.
Oh, man!
That's how they brainwash you.
They starve you first.
Okay, plebes, move it.
Crepe station closes
in five minutes.
Uh, these sure are
some good peas, Peggy.
What's your secret?
Microwave.
I wonder if Bobby's
being forced to sleep
in mud or dung
right now?
Wait, what's today, Tuesday?
Dung.
(bawling)
No one is answering, Hank!
Oh, they're probably
all bound and gagged.
(gasping)
Oh, my God.
What if the wires
from this doorbell
are connected to his nipples?
It is worse
than I could have imagined!
Will you let us in?!
Let us in!
We demand to see Bobby Hill!
Peggy, protocol.
Sir, permission
to see Cadet Hill
while keeping a respectful
distance from the grounds.
Oh, you're his father.
We talked on the phone.
You're welcome to come in.
I am?
Of course, and
so is your lawyer.
We have nothing to hide.
Your concern for your son
is perfectly normal,
but I can assure you
Cadet Hill is
excelling here.
Mom! Dad!
Bobby! Honey,
are you okay?
Blink if you're not.
I'm great, ma'am.
Cadet Hill, why don't
you take your parents
to Survival
Crafts class?
I can attend a class
at Fort Berk?
Well, I won't let you down,
Bobby.
I mean, Cadet Hill.
On the battlefield
you may find yourself stranded
without enough
water to survive
but with a sufficient
quantity of mud
you will have
the ability
to create your own bowl,
pot, urn, decanter
or beaker to
collect rainwater.
Very nice work,
Mr. Hill.
We'll make sure to have
that glazed before you go.
Did you hear
that, Peggy?
I'm doing it.
I'm Fort Berk material.
Where's dinner?
It's 3:00, Dad.
I can't eat excuses.
You heard from Bobby?
Yeah, he's, uh, surviving.
Surviving?!
He's got too much
of you and that one
to be surviving at Fort Berk.
Even I
barely survived
and I didn't have Gas Monkey
and Sasquatch for parents.
I will have you know, Cotton
that Bobby
is thriving.
We went to Fort Berk
yesterday and saw him.
What in the name of Ned?!
They ain't supposed
to let you two on campus.
They are required
to by law
and we sat in on
one of his classes.
Hank, show him
the bowl you made.
What the?!
You made a bowl?
Well, yeah.
It's a combat bowl.
Bobby made one, too.
Combat bowl?
The only bowl
he's supposed to make
is from a hollowed-out skull.
How you doing in there,
you poor saps?
(chortling)
What the?
(screaming)
Is that all the respect
you got for me?
You go and turn
my childhood home
into a giant
sissy factory!
How's my grandson
supposed to toughen up
with you candying his ass?!
Sir, when I got here
from Antioch College...
You're fired! Get out!
You can’t just fire me.
Is that a fact?
Okay, Powder puff
I would like you to speak
to Clean Latrine Gene
who happens to be the chairman
of your board of trustees.
General Gene Jefford?
That's right.
Uh, h-hello.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Very well, I...
Can I keep the
Aeron desk chair?
Thank you, sir.
Hey, after this
let's go to the mess
and get a smoothie.
Grandpa?
Fall in!
The previous commander
was just as soft
and ineffective as your parents
and your parents are not paying
good money for that.
Now, I'm here to make sure
they get their money's worth.
With interest.
(gasping)
There's going to be changes
around here
and ain't none of you
going to like it.
Day is night, joy is pain,
love is hate!
(groaning)
Good thinking, Private McFainty.
Sleep up
'cause starting
at 0400 hours
you don't
gets no more.
See you at sunrise, weakies.
State your business.
Grandpa. Gampy. Ging-ging.
It's Bobby here. Your Bing-Bing.
I ain't your Ging-ging,
and you ain'ts my Bing-bing.
And if you think I'm giving you
special treatment, well...
you're right on target.
Good, because I told
the fellows...
Hush, boy!
I will "special treat" you
to a double dose of pain!
Why?
I want you
to come out
of this cauldron
of burning hell
the best damn cadet
you can be.
Thanks, but you don't
have to worry about that.
All we really want
is the phone service back
and the mattresses for our beds.
Quiet!
Now, your daddy
tells me
you have a problem
raking leaves.
Well, I guarantee
you won't have a problem
raking leaves
after you've picked up every
leaf on this campus with...
a fork!
(screams)
What the hell are
you doing, boy?!
You gave me a fork,
so I figured I'd eat the leaves.
Boy, am I stuffed!
(chuckles):
Just kidding, Grandpa.
(groans)
Maybe this is my fault
for not properly
motivating you.
If it's food you want...
I could eat.
COTTON:
You don’t want to rake
then maybe you need more energy.
This rotten pile of backwash
is all for you, boy.
And you're gonna
keep shoveling it down
until it starts
coming up!
Okay.
Dinner's over.
Now I'm gonna give you
something cold for dessert.
Okay.
Anything cracks
if you freeze it
long enough.
How you doing,
boy?
I'm okay.
Mom says I'm naturally built
for winter climates.
God dang it!
You're going
into the hole.
The hole's
what broke me
and that's what's
gonna break you, too.
Time to say good-bye, soldier.
Go and get in your grow-up box!
Ging-ging?
Quit your
still-standing.
Start running
till you hit the horizon.
SPOONY:
See, Forky?
I just knew
there was a better world
outside the cutlery drawer.
(whispers):
I wonder what
Bobby's doing now?
Probably having a bull
session in the barracks
with his new pals.
Bobby? Bobby, are you okay?!
Tap once if you're okay.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, hey, Didi.
I've got the new
TV Guide here
with all the judge shows
circled like my dad likes.
Is he around?
No. Cotton's
at Fort Berk.
What?
He has temporarily
taken over the Academy.
Oh, my God, no.
Yes. He is ruling
with an iron fist.
He threw Bobby
in the hole about
three days ago.
Bwaaagh!
He ain't gonna be
a pretty sight, boys.
Humpty Dumpty's done cracked
but now we can put him
back together
and rebuild him
as a super-cadet.
Dad, are you crazy? Let him out.
I was just fixing to.
Bobby? Bobby?
Give him some air.
Bobby?
Hmm?
Hmm?
Uh... oh.
Hey, Dad.
(awning)
Ooh.
Well, I've tried a mattress,
I've tried cement...
I'm a mattress guy.
(laughing)
Bobby,
you're okay?!
Same 'ol, same 'ol.
I was merciless!
I dropped down on him
like a steam trunk
full of concrete!
HANK:
You didn't budge him
did you?
(chuckles)
I... I don't get it.
What's so funny?
I told you it wasn’t easy.
You didn't believe me,
did you, Dad?
(sighs):
I guess he was just
born a pile of mush.
Well, I guess
you could say that.
But maybe mush
isn't all bad.
You can keep
stomping on it
but it's all give;
it just stays mush.
You can't build it up
but you can't break it down,
either.
In a funny way,
mush kind of has the edge.
(laughs)
Can you imagine that pile
of mush in the POW camps?
He would've driven
them Tojos crazy.
Three days with Bobby
and they would've
quit the war!
(laughing)
I wish you could've seen
the old Fort Berk, Hank.
But I guess
those days is gone.
You know, Colonel,
all this time I've
been talking to you
you didn’t grant me
permission to speak.
That's right.
That's practically
insubordination.
You better drop
and give me 20, boy.
Yes, sir.
Two, three, four.
No, no, you're doing it
wrong, Cadet!
Start over!
How'd you do it,
Bobby?
How'd you survive
the hole?
Well, I admit, I started
getting a little worried.
But then I found some
inspirational graffiti
on the wall
and it kept me going.
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access. Wgbh. Org
COTTON:
What the?! You
made a bowl.