King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 6, Episode 3 - Lupe's Revenge - full transcript

[School bell ringing]

[Speaking Spanish]

And do not forget
tonight's extra-credit assignment.

You're just a sub.
You can't give extra credit.

Well, no. Not towards your grade.

But you will get credit with me.
And those Peggy points add up.

Well, Hola, Se?or Chairman Geiger.

Peggy, I just got off the phone
with Janine Truesdale.

She's taking another personal day.

So I'll need you again tomorrow,
and you'll have to cover the Spanish Club.

Tomorrow?



Tomorrow is the Spanish Club field trip
to Mexico.

I didn't make it to department head,
supervising three people...

by letting a sub take students
to a foreign land.

And I didn't make it
to Substitute Teacher of the Year...

by taking no for an answer.

Except on tests
with ""yes"" or ""no"" questions...

where ""no"" was the correct answer.

You can come, too.

Well, the bus is non-refundable.

And my throat could use a break
from speaking German.

I will not let you down.

This is the rare instance where the sub
is actually more dependable...

than the regular teacher who,
I suspect is, in fact, a drunk.

Hey, I got an idea.



Instead of going to Mexico,
why don't you borrow my sombrero...

stay in Arlen, and teach the kids to count?

You know, uio, dos, tres, Like that.

Hank, why don't you want me
to go to Mexico?

-ls it the exchange rate?
-No.

It's just that the Spanish
they speak there is...

you know, fluent.

And I am not fluent?

In fact, I am so fluent
that I may tutor a few Mexican kids...

while I'm down there. How about that?

Bobby.

It is crucial
that I impress Chairman Geiger.

Although I'm sure all the kids
will love this trip...

I need one unified voice to vocalize
what everyone is thinking.

Here are your lines.

[Exclaiming]

-What is that?
-A Spanish dictionary.

Dad made me take it.

Your mother is a Spanish dictionary.

Bobby, if you ever marry
a Spanish teacher, and you probably will...

never doubt her enormous gifts.

Peggy, this is the itinerary
Miss Truesdale planned for the trip.

What's on there? A tequila factory?

[Chuckling] Shame about the drinking,
though. Oh, well.

HANK: She's goiia turi over,
Gosh, I wish Peggy were here to see this,

[Exclaiming]

Oh, dang.

Oh, dang!

License and registration, please.

For the record,
the man on the license weighs 190.

And I'm up to about 197 now.

I would have had it changed...

but I was hoping to get back
to my playing weight.

Let me guess. Football?

Yeah, played a little halfback
at Arlen High.

I think I saw you on the field...

when I was a cheerleader alternate
at Rumpert.

You're too young to have seen me play.

Am l? Ready, okay.

Let's make a rumpus, Rumpert.
Go, Rumpert!

I'd do the split but I've got a backup pistol
strapped to my ankle...

and I'm not as flexible as I used to be.

I'm sure you're still plenty flexible.

I'm gonna let you off with just a warning
if you promise to drive safely.

I promise.

And not just because safe driving is cool,
but because it's the right thing to do.

Stop it.

On behalf of the Spanish Club...

Iet me just say that we are honored...

to be guided by the first sub ever...

to lead a field trip on foreign soil.

Who's with me?

Well, gracias, Roberto.

But from now on, we will only speak
the language of the natives.

Yeah, I'm gonna need those directions.

[Speaking Spanish]

I don't speak no languages.

Then I will teach you.

Izquierda means left.

And derecha means right.

So, do I make izkerda or espercha?

Espercha.

Anyway, turns out the police officer
used to be a cheerleader over at Rumpert.

Cheerleader?
I thought you said he was a cop?

It was one of those lady cops
you hear about.

Geez, it must have been humiliating
to get a beating from a lady cop.

There was no beating.

We talked football.
She ripped up the ticket. End of story.

-Love story.
-Yeah, man.

You know, Hank,
you never go flirting that way...

at a little old ticket like that, man.
Didn't think you had it in you, man.

I was not flirting.

I didn't even mention
that I worked in propane.

-Did you mention you have a wife?
-lt didn't come up.

No, Hank. You're terrible.

Where are we? Where's the museum?

Oh, will you forget the museum?

The Mexico I want my students to see
is not on any map.

Well, it's certainly not on this map.

Please stop the bus.
I need to get my bearings.

We are going to follow him...

and show the kids a day in the life
of a real Mexicaio, huh?

[Speaking Spanish]

Excellent.

He is going to work at a cariiceria,
or a carnival.

Oh, my.

All right.

Walk in uio file, por favor,

What the hell kind of carnival is this?

Well, it's a poor village.
They can't afford the rides.

But they do have a petting zoo.

All right.

[Peggy speaking Spanish]

Herman, everything is under control.
Relax. Have a chicken.

I don't know.
Maybe I could hold just the one.

[Speaking Spanish]

Okay, okay. He would like his chickens.

And judging from his costume,
I think he's getting ready for a show.

My chicken's the star of the show.

Sweet mother of pearl.

Everything's fine.

You have just watched
one of my favorite Mexican magic tricks.

And now, as his volunteer assistant...

I will complete the illusion.

Returning to the scene of the crime, huh?

I don't feel right about you
letting me off the hook this morning.

I think I need more than a slap
on the wrist.

-Really?
-Yeah. I'd like that ticket.

COP: We got a possible 53S at 321--

God. I am not in the mood
for a possible arson right now.

Here, I think this is what you came for.

I thank you
for your professionalism, ma'am.

The concept of students smiling
is foreign to me.

I think your son put it best when he said:

""The Spanish Department
would be lucky...

""to have Peggy Hill
as its newest permanent member.""

Bobby said that?

I drank the water.

[Speaking Spanish]

Okay, come on, everybody. El autobus,

Thank you. I feel pretty.

Now, everyone on the bus now. Please.

We all love Mexico,
but it's time to go home.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

First she wouldn't get on the bus,
now she won't go home.

Where are your parents?

[Chuckling] Okay, we're back in America.
You can speak English now.

Now, honey, where are your parents?

Yes, long live Mexico.

Now, where are your parents?

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

Thanks to Citizen Gorgeous,
we have a police state in the alley.

You three had better leave...

before I write you tickets
for public drunkenness.

But we're not drunk just yet.

You want to spend a day in court
fighting it?

Huh? Huh?

Come on, big boy. Huh?

Look, there's something you should know.

My wife is gonna be home any minute.

Do you know which route she's taking?
'Cause I could easily set up a roadblock.

Okay then.

Yee doggie.

I'll take me a burger with that shake.

Bye, Fancy Pants.

We should have her call her parents
in case they're worried.

Llame su familia, Lupe.

She refuses to call home
because her family hates her.

What's to hate?

[Speaking Spanish]

I was afraid of this.
Now she wishes that I was her mother.

If your father, or Herr Geiger,
find out about this, it's over.

We will hide her until morning...

and when your father goes to work,
I will smuggle her back into Mexico.

Now, give her some space.
She does not like you.

Take this to Lupe.

Oh, my God, Bobby.
Did you rat me out? Did you?

How much did they give you?

What are you doing, girl?
You leave a bone in there? A ball?

A bone.

Peggy? There's a little Mexican girl
in the utility closet.

Must be a friend of Bobby's.

Bobby!

Bobby!

Okay, I accidentally brought her back
from Mexico.

You brought an extra kid back
and didn't notice it?

Well, we better call the authorities.

What could the authorities do that I can't?
Except ruin my teaching career.

I am taking her back
first thing in the morning.

Peggy, maybe you're in
a little over your head.

I smuggled that girl into this country
without even knowing it.

Don't you think I can smuggle her back
if I put my mind to it?

[Gunshots on TV]

[Speaking Spanish]

Is this show pretty accurate?

Hank, close the blinds
or put the wig back on Lupe.

Oh, my Lord,
that policewoman is here again.

What?

We need a distraction.

Ram her car with your truck...

then get into one
of those high-speed chases.

[Sighing] Boy,
that's a handsome squad car.

What is that?
A Caprice? A Crown Victoria?

It's a Crown Victoria.

Now how does the siren work?

Has it got a button
or some kind of a toggle switch?

JANE: A toggle.

Did you know, in Greek mythology...

a Siren was a beautiful woman
who sang so sweetly...

that she could make sailors
crash into the rocks?

That's kind of romantic, isn't it?

Actually, pretty irresponsible.

Great. Good job, Hank.

JANE: [On radio] Pull over, Mrs, Hill,

Lupe...

follow my lead.

Step out of the car, please.

Turn around. Spread them.

Not bad.

But take a look at this.

Huh? Huh?

Now, get out of here.

Peggy Hill, you are one cool customer.

Well, honey, you're home.

I don't want to make this goodbye
any harder than l....

CHlLDREN: Lupe!

[Speaking Spanish]

Do not worship me. Worship my actions.

Oh, please. You flatter me.

[Speaking Spanish]

I'm just here for the children.

I'm getting a commendation?

Wait till Geiger hears about this.

I would have gotten here earlier,
but some of your roads are very bad.

[Protesting in Spanish]

[Speaking Spanish]

[Speaking Spanish]

[Ringing]

Hello?

Hank, I am in Nuevo Laredo.

And I am a big freaking hero
for bringing Lupe home safely.

Well, good job, Peggy. I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Now, I need you to do me a solid.
Get me the number for Herr Geiger.

I want him on speaker phone
when I meet the mayor.

Okay, I think I saw your address book
on the nightstand.

Okay,,,, Excuse me,

What are you doiig?

You will give me back my shoelaces,
I am a Uiited States citizei,

These are chaiis, That is too tight,

You are creatiig ai iicideit internacional.

Haik, Haik,

Patience, Peggy.

Okay, Herman Geiger.

Haik, I have beei arrested,

Peggy, quit messiig arouid,
This is loig-distaice,

Get down here, Hank. Help! Help!

Listei to me, Help! Haik!

I knew he'd come back.

This time I'm gonna
make that horse drink.

Okay, okay, I was speeding.

You want speeding, Hank? Feel this.

Look, this is not a good time.
My wife is in trouble.

You know, I don't get you.

One minute you're trying
to get under my hood...

and the next minute,
you don't want to leave your wife.

I never wanted to leave my wife.

I'm sick of these mind games.

-Maybe I should just take you in.
-No, no, I've got to go.

Halt or I'll shoot!

How can I be sure
about those alleged seven extra pounds...

you say you're carrying?

Well, that could be a gun,
or stolen art for all I know.

I assure you, it is simply
a small additional ridge of fat.

If you want to go to your wife so bad,
then I got to frisk you.

I'm not really comfortable being touched.

Then I'll just have to take you in.

All right.

[Singing] Oh, say cai you see

By the dawi's early light

What so proudly

[Hank humming]

You're clean.

I feel dirty.

Bye, Fancy Pants.

This hearing will determine
if there is enough evidence...

to hold you for trial.

If we do go to trial...

you will be transferred
to a facility in Mexico City...

until your court date...

which could be anywhere
from one-and-a-half to six years.

Hank, Hank, over here.

All right, Peggy. Get your stuff.

No, no, no.

I'm afraid the charges
against your wife are quite serious.

But I have a brilliant plan.

I intend to show
that her Spanish is so poor...

she could barely order a glass of water,
much less order that child to do anything.

That is completely untrue.

And if that goes down
on the Mexican records...

my teaching career is tostada,

I am very fluent.

Listen to me roll my R's.

[Trilling]

I rest my case.

Did you hear that?

Now we have to all sit here
while this guy goes out and buys a hat.

Mr. Ortiz, I hate to disagree with you...

but my wife speaks perfect Spanish.

You must put her on the stand.

But that is crazy.

So that she may tell her story...

in her own words in Spanish.

Of course.

Peggy, I think you should go up
on the stand.

You're right.

That blowhard will go on forever
if I don't get up there.

Mrs. Hill, in your own words,
your own Spanish words...

please tell the judge what happened
with little Lupe.

Se?ora Hill...

Oh, my God, I'm going to jail!

He said you're not guilty.

Right. Good. Thank you.

Congratulations, Peggy, you did it.

Si, and that is not Spanish for ""yes.""

That is Peggy Hill for ""l told you so."" See.

BOY: My chickei 's the star of the show,