King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 7 - Happy Hank's Giving - full transcript
The Hills and their friends are all stranded at the Dallas-Fort Worth airport the night before Thanksgiving.
OH, ANOTHER THANKSGIVING
WITH HANK HILL'S
FAMOUS SMOKED TURKEY.
MM... WHAT CAN I BRING
THIS YEAR, HANK?
STRAWS?
OH, WELL, BILL, WE'RE
AND BY "WE" I MEAN ME
MY FAMILY AND THIS TURKEY--
WE'RE ALL GOING
TO MONTANA FOR
THANKSGIVING.
OH.
YEAH. SEE, PEGGY
AND HER MOM
DON'T ALWAYS GET ALONG
AND NOW MOTHER PLATTER'S
STARTING TO TAKE IT OUT
ON PROPANE.
SHE SAYS IT CAN'T GET
THE JOB DONE
WHEN IT COMES
TO SMOKING TURKEY.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING
TO LET THAT GO.
SO FOR PEGGY'S SAKE,
I GOT TO PROVE HER MOM WRONG.
NOW, THIS DOESN'T LEAVE
THE ALLEY, BUT...
PEGGY'S PARENTS WANTED
TO TAKE US
TO A RESTAURANT
FOR THANKSGIVING.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I CONVINCED THEM
TO HAVE THE MEAL
AT THEIR HOUSE
AND I'M GOING TO GO
WITH MY STANDARD PLAN:
COWBOYS GAME, DINNER AT 5:00
AND SERVE DESSERT
IN TIME FOR HOME ALONE.
( laughs )
THEY BROKE INTO
THE WRONG KID'S HOUSE.
( laughs )
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT ME THINKING
ABOUT DANG OLD
MAMA BOOMHAUER, MAN.
I THINK I'LL FLY OUT
TO DANG OLD MIAMI BEACH, MAN.
TALK ABOUT A BLIND DATE
WITH THE NEIGHBOR'S
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER,
MAN...
SHE'S 40.
SO YOU'RE LEAVING, TOO?
I HATE THANKSGIVING!
LET'S GO, BOBBY.
IT'S ALMOST 10:00.
WITH THE DALLAS TRAFFIC
WE WON'T GET
TO THE AIRPORT TILL NOON
AND THAT FLIGHT
LEAVES AT 4:00
WITH OR WITHOUT US.
( sniffing )
THE TURKEY SMELLS GOOD.
CAN I HOLD IT
ON MY LAP
TO SNIFF
FOR THE RIDE?
THE TURKEY RIDES
UP FRONT WITH ME
AWAY FROM THE REAR DEFROSTER.
I JUST TALKED
TO YOUR GRANDMA
AND I WENT OUT
ON A LIMB
AND PROMISED MOISTNESS
AND SMOKINESS.
Peggy:
MY MOTHER CALLED?
OH, I WANTED
TO TELL HER
THAT I'M GOING TO BAKE
MY BROWN BETTY.
YEAH. AH, SHE SAID
NOT TO BOTHER.
SHE'LL JUST PICK UP
SOME SARA LEE.
OH, SURE.
BUT IF MY BROTHER WERE
MAKING BROWN BETTY
SHE'D FREAKING
LICK THE BOWL.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, HANK.
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE DALLAS-FORT WORTH AIRPORT
TO PICK UP
MY UNCLE WHO'S COMING
IN FOR THANKSGIVING.
WHAT TIME'S HIS FLIGHT?
WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT?
4:00.
4:00. MM-HMM.
I CAN DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT.
I GUESS THAT'LL
SAVE ME SOME TIME.
WHICH UNCLE IS IT?
BILL.
HUH. SO YOU'RE
NAMED AFTER HIM?
I SAID STAN.
OKAY, UNCLE HANK,
I'M ALL READY.
MY FIRST TIME
SEEING DADDY
SINCE MAMA SECOND-DEGREE
ASSAULTED HIM WITH A FORK.
OH! THIS IS SO EXCITING!
( squeals )
BOY, IT SURE IS.
NOW, I LIKE TO KEEP
ALL OUR AIRLINE TICKETS
IN THE TRAVEL CADDY.
LUANNE, IF YOU DON'T MIND...
OH, HANK, COULD I PLEASE TALK
TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LUANNE DOES NOT
HAVE A TICKET.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY
TICKETS FOR THE FAMILY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BOUGHT TICKETS
FOR ALL THREE MEMBERS
OF THE HILL FAMILY:
HANK HILL, PEGGY HILL
AND BOBBY HILL.
THE HILLS.
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
AS FAR AS LUANNE KNOWS,
YOU LOVE HER
AND YOU CONSIDER HER
PART OF THIS FAMILY.
DO NOT LET HER KNOW
THAT YOU NEGLECTED
TO BUY HER A TICKET.
WELL, I THINK
SHE'S GOING TO FIND OUT
WHEN WE LEAVE HER HERE.
NO, SIR. YOU WILL
BUY LUANNE A TICKET
AT THE AIRPORT
AND IT IS NOT
GOING TO BE EASY
BECAUSE THE DAY
BEFORE THANKSGIVING
IS, IN MY OPINION,
ONE OF THE BUSIEST TRAVEL
DAYS OF THE YEAR.
OKAY, BILL, THAT ZONE'S
FOR LOADING AND
UNLOADING ONLY.
WE CAN TAKE
IT FROM HERE.
WELL, THEN, IT'S
OFF TO UNCLE STU.
YOU SAID STAN.
( scoffs )
OKAY, HANK, YOU WIN.
"STAN" IT IS.
DID YOU PACK YOUR
OWN BAGS AND HAVE
THEY BEEN IN YOUR
SIGHT AT ALL TIMES?
WELL, I HAD TO SET THEM
ON THE CURB
WHEN I UNLOADED THEM
FROM THE TRUNK.
BUT THEY WERE IN YOUR SIGHT?
NO, I HAD MY BACK TURNED.
BUT JUST FOR A MOMENT?
WELL, I'D SAY IT WAS MORE
LIKE A MINUTE THAN A MOMENT.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
JUST SAY THEY
WERE IN YOUR
SIGHT, HANK.
PEGGY, THE MAN IS
AN OFFICIAL
OF THE UNITED
STATES AIRLINES.
I'D BE COMMITTING PERJURY.
IT'S CLEAN.
SO, JUST THE
TWO BAGS THEN?
YEP. AND THIS TANK OF PROPANE.
AH, MAN!
OH, DON'T WORRY.
THAT WAS IN MY SIGHT
THE ENTIRE TIME.
( sighs )
THEY LET THAT WOMAN BRING
AN OXYGEN TANK ON THE PLANE.
OOH! I GET TO USE
MY JUNIOR COLLEGE I.D.
THAT'S ME IN THE PICTURE.
I GOT THE GIGGLES 'CAUSE THERE
WERE THESE FOUR GIRLS AND...
( giggling )
( forced laughter )
WELL, NOW WE'VE ALL
GOT THE GIGGLES.
YOU BETTER SIT DOWN...
OVER THERE, YEAH.
ANY SEATS LEFT
TO BILLINGS?
YES, SIR.
THAT'LL BE $719.
WHAT?!
I PAID $250 FOR MY TICKET!
THAT'S THE PRICE I WANT!
SIR, YOU BOUGHT YOUR
TICKET SIX MONTHS AGO.
YOU ARE BUYING
MISS PLATTER'S TICKET
ON THE DAY OF TRAVEL.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
MISS PLATTER IS TRAVELING
TO MONTANA
TO SEE HER FATHER
FOR THANKSGIVING.
SHE HASN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS.
DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING
TO YOUR AIRLINE?
( sighs )
I'M GOING TO WRITE
A PERSONAL CHECK
AND IN THE MEMO LINE
I AM WRITING "UNFAIR."
WELL, HOW LONG ARE
YOU GOING TO BE
IN ARIZONA,
MR. RED CORN?
JUST FOR THE THANKSGIVING
WEEKEND.
HEY, DO YOUR PEOPLE EVEN
CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING?
WE DID... ONCE.
UM, SUG, MAYBE I SHOULD SEE
JOHN RED CORN TO THE GATE.
MAKE SURE HE GETS OFF ALL RIGHT.
GOOD IDEA, SWEETHEART.
JOSEPH AND I WILL GO
FIND A BROKEN METER
TO PARK THE BUG-A-BAGO.
UNCLE HANK,
A MAN JUST ASKED ME
IF I WANTED TO JOIN
THE MILE-HIGH CLUB.
COULD YOU GET ME
AN APPLICATION?
WELL, I WOULD THINK
THEY WOULD HAVE THEM
ON THE PLANE, LUANNE.
Kahn:
HEY, HANK!
LOOK, MINH, IT'S
THE EARLY BIRDS.
( laughs )
HEY, HANK, OUR FLIGHT
SAME TIME AS YOURS.
I SAW YOU LEAVE
HOUSE AT 10:00 AM.
WE LEAVE FIVE
HOURS LATER.
YOU STILL WAITING,
YOU DUMB REDNECK.
YEAH, OKAY.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
OH, YEAH. YOU, TOO.
OKAY, MOTHER PLATTER, WELL,
WE'RE ALL SET TO BOARD HERE
SO HOPE YOU'RE READY
TO EAT SOME SMOKED TURKEY
WITH HUMBLE PIE FOR DESSERT.
UH, NO. PEGGY'S STILL PLANNING
TO MAKE A BROWN BETTY.
YEAH, YEAH, I WAS JUST...
NEVER MIND.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
PASSENGERS TRAVELING
TO BILLINGS.
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT
THE BAD WEATHER HAS FORCED
THE DELAY OF YOUR FLIGHT.
WHAT?
BUT MY DADDY'S
ON A DAY PASS.
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
HANK HILL.
I WOULD LIKE TO
VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES
IN ANY WAY NECESSARY
TO HELP GET THIS
PLANE OFF THE GROUND.
SO, PUT ME TO WORK.
SIR, CROWDING ME WILL NOT
GET YOU OUT ANY FASTER.
IT'S SLEETING OUT THERE
AND THE RUNWAYS ARE
LIKE SKATING RINKS.
OH, UNCLE HANK, THEY CAN'T DELAY
THANKSGIVING, CAN THEY?
THEY JUST DID.
NO, MOTHER PLATTER,
I'M NOT CALLING FROM THE PLANE.
THOSE PHONES ARE
ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES.
WE JUST HAVE A SMALL DELAY.
HANK, I WANT TO
MAKE SURE MY MOM HAS
ALL THE INGREDIENTS
FOR MY BROWN BETTY
WHICH I HAVE MADE
EVERY YEAR FROM 1976
UNTIL I DIE,
INCLUSIVE.
I WILL NEED MARGARINE
AND NOT BUTTER.
IS THAT PEGGY?
Hank:
Yeah.
TELL HER WE USE BUTTER
IN THIS HOUSE.
Uh, okay.
SHE GOT BUTTER,
DIDN'T SHE?
( Bing Crosby singing
"Let It Snow" )
Radio announcer:
You said it, Bing.
The weather outside is
frightful.
If you're flying out
of D.F.W., bad news.
All flights are delayed.
( chuckles )
Woman:
WHY IN THE WORLD...?!
Man:
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
I COULD HAVE
TAKEN MY DAMN CAR.
THEY SHOULD LET
THE MAN DO HIS JOB.
DAD, I KNOW YOU
SAID TO TRY
BUT I CAN'T EAT THIS.
IT'S SALAD.
HANK, THE BOY
NEEDS PROTEIN
OR HE'LL PASS OUT.
NOW, BREAK OPEN THAT BOX.
THANKSGIVING WILL GO ON
WITH A ONE-LEGGED TURKEY.
"ONE-LEGGED TURKEY"?
I'M NOT EVEN GOING
TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE
OTHER THAN "SHAME ON YOU."
HEY, BOBBY.
OOH, CONNIE, HOW'D YOU GET
THAT TERIYAKI BEEF BOWL SO FAST?
MY DAD.
HERE YOU GO, MA'AM.
I'M DISTRICT MANAGER,
PITCHING IN.
CRAZY DAY, HUH?
( laughs nervously )
GO TO THE FRONT
OF THE LINE.
MR. SOUPHANOUSINPHONE
WILL GIVE YOU SOME FOOD.
HOLD UP, BOBBY.
THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
WE'RE NOT ANIMALS.
WE'LL WAIT IN LINE
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
HANK, THE ABILITY
TO CUT AHEAD IN LINE IS
WHAT SEPARATES US
FROM THE ANIMALS.
OKAY, PEOPLE, PERSONAL INSULTS
AND CRITICISMS
TOWARD ME WILL NOT GET YOUR
PLANE OUT ANY FASTER.
IN A FEW MINUTES,
WE'LL BEGIN...
Man:
YOU'RE AN ASS.
WE WILL BEGIN DEICING
YOUR PLANE FOR TAKEOFF.
THANK YOU, SIR.
RUTH ANN, I WAS
JUST IN THE BATHROOM
NEXT TO THE PILOT.
HE TOLD ME THEY
DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH WORKERS TO
DEICE THEIR PLANES
BUT T.W.A. DOES, AND THEY'RE
HONORING ALL TICKETS.
UNA MOMENTO, SENOR.
YO HABLO ESPANOL.
YES, DO YOU KNOW WHERE
I CAN CATCH THE T.W.A. FLIGHT?
I THINK IT'S GATE
CINCUENTA Y OCHO.
58.
COME ON, HANK.
YOU HEARD THE MAN.
WE HAVE TO GO TO GATE
CINCUENTA Y OCHO.
ANDELE.
THAT WAS NOTHING
BUT THIRD-HAND GOSSIP.
YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE YOU'RE DRUNK.
LOOK, BOBBY.
CHOCK FULL OF CHIPS
JUST OPENED A SECOND REGISTER.
OH, GOD!
HANK, HANK!
BOBBY GOT AWAY!
WHAT?
GET HIM! GO GET HIM!
BOBBY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WHAT YOU?
( panting )
COOKIES.
HANK, DID YOU HEAR
THAT ANNOUNCEMENT?
THE GATE AGENT
JUST SAID
WERE SUPPOSED TO GO
TO THE T.W.A. FLIGHT.
WHAT? ALL RIGHT,
LET ME GO ASK HIM AND...
NO. THERE IS
NO TIME.
THE PLANE LEAVES
IN TEN MINUTES.
JOSEPH, HERE'S A ROLL
OF QUARTER-SIZED
ALUMINUM SLUGS.
GO KNOCK YOURSELF OUT
AT THE VIDEO ARCADE.
( chuckles )
SHACKLEFORD.
ADMIRAL RUSTY SHACKLEFORD.
I'LL KEEP MY COAT.
ADMIRAL. ADMIRAL.
LADY ADMIRAL. ADMIRAL.
I'M SORRY, ADMIRAL.
THERE'S NO SMOKING
IN THE TERMINAL BUILDING.
YOU'RE NOT SORRY,
AND I'M NOT AN ADMIRAL.
FOR THE THIRD TIME, SIR,
WE DON'T EVEN FLY TO MONTANA.
WELL, YOU CHECK IT AGAIN.
MY WIFE HEARD AN
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
TELL HER, PEGGY.
ALL RIGHT PEGGY,
YOU LIED TO ME
ABOUT THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
THAT'S STRIKE ONE.
WHAT? OH, DON'T START
WITH THAT BASEBALL...
THAT'S TWO.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
HE GETS TO THREE?
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
DID WE MISS THE FLIGHT?
IT'S BEEN CANCELED
TILL TOMORROW MORNING.
CANCELED?
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I KNOW MY RIGHTS
AS A PASSENGER.
ATTENTION,
REMAINING PASSENGERS.
WE ARE HOLDING A BLOCK OF ROOMS
AT THE ECONOSUITES.
A SHUTTLE VAN IS WAITING
TO TAKE YOU THERE.
NOPE, THERE ARE
TOO MANY PEOPLE AND
NOT ENOUGH SEATS.
DO THE MATH, HANK.
WELL, IF THIS VAN FILLS UP
THEY'LL SEND A SECOND ONE.
HANK RUTHERFORD HILL,
IS "NAIVE" YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
THERE IS NO SECOND VAN
AND THERE WILL NEVER BE
ENOUGH ROOMS AT THE HOTEL.
Boomhauer:
HEY, YO, MAN, HANK.
HANK, MAN, LOOKS LIKE
A DAMN LAYOVER, MAN.
GONNA BE SOMETHING
WIND UP SOMETHING SPECIAL
ON THE GROUND, MAN.
KNOW I'M SAYING, MAN.
THE HOTEL VANS ARE OVER HERE.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
HANK, WE ARE FIGHTING
A WAR HERE
CALLED THANKSGIVING
AT THE AIRPORT.
NOW, WE CAN EITHER
STAND HERE AND TAKE IT
LIKE THE FRENCH
OR WE CAN BEAT
THE REST OF THESE
CHUMPS TO THE HOTEL.
NOW, COME ON!
Bill:
HANK!
PEGGY!
( groans )
HEY, DID YOU HEAR?
THE WHOLE AIRPORT'S
SHUT DOWN.
WE'RE STUCK HERE ALL NIGHT!
BILL, GET THE CAR.
MR. DAUTERIVE, DID YOUR
UNCLE'S FLIGHT GET IN OKAY?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
SO, CAN WE
MEET HIM?
NO, HE'S BACK
IN ARLEN.
THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WE HAD A FIGHT.
HE BIT ME.
BILL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE.
DO YOU WANT A RIDE OR NOT?
BILL, KEEP YOUR EYES
ON THE ROAD.
OH, DON'T WORRY, PEGGY.
STRIKE TWO AND A HALF.
( gasps )
GET THE HELL
OUT OF THERE.
THERE'S NO SMOKING
IN THE AIRPORT.
Hank:
WELL, THAT WAS A WONDERFUL
WASTE OF TIME.
( yelps )
ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS!
ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS!
NOW, WE WANT TO BE
ON THE FIRST FLIGHT
TOMORROW MORNING.
SO, I'M GOING TO SET
MY WATCH ALARM FOR 5:30.
Paging passenger Tom Ganaway.
Please pick up the nearest
white courtesy phone.
PEGGY, PEGGY, I THINK
THAT'S TOM GANAWAY.
ALL RIGHT,
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
( beeping )
Man:
GOOD MORNING
AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING
TO YOU ALL.
I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT
FLIGHT 211 TO BILLINGS
IS NOW BOARDING.
WE KNOW IT'S BEEN
A DIFFICULT NIGHT
BUT IN APPRECIATION
OF YOUR PATIENCE
YOUR HEADSETS WILL BE FREE.
MISS PLATTER,
WE'VE OVERSOLD
THE COACH SECTION.
SINCE YOU'RE TRAVELING
ON A FULL-FARE
COACH TICKET
WE'RE BUMPING
YOU UP TO FIRST-CLASS.
( laughing )
GOOD MORNING, HILLS.
YES, I USE GOLD CLUB MILES
TO UPGRADE TO HONEYMOON SUITE.
BEST REST OF MY LIFE.
YEAH, WELL, I WAS TOO EXCITED
TO SLEEP, I TELL YOU WHAT.
I'M GOING TO VISIT MY IN-LAWS!
Attendant:
I'M SORRY, SIR,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO CHECK THAT.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
IT MEETS THE CUBIC FEET
REQUIREMENT.
IT'S JUST ODDLY SHAPED.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, HANK,
THERE'S NO TIME.
JUST CHECK IT.
Man:
Please hurry up
and take your seats.
We only have a small break
in the weather to take off.
WELL, THEY'RE STILL
LOADING THE LUGGAGE.
LOOKS LIKE A GOOD CREW.
BOY, THAT BIG GAL CAN
REALLY TOSS A BAG.
LOOK AT HER.
UM... THAT CURTAIN OVER
THERE-- WHAT'S IT FOR?
IT SEPARATES FIRST-CLASS
FROM COACH.
I'D LIKE THAT CLOSED.
HEY, THERE'S
MY TURKEY BOX.
( laughs )
THOSE DOGS SURE KNOW
A GOOD SMOKED TURKEY
WHEN THEY SMELL IT.
HEY, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FORGET
MY TURKEY, ARE THEY?
PEGGY, GET THE STEWARDESS.
OH, NO, FORGET IT.
HERE COMES SOMEBODY.
WHAT?
WHAT IN THE HECK
IS HE DOING?
MY GOD, HANK, THAT'S
THE BOMB SQUAD.
THERE'S A BOMB?
NO, NO, IT'S NOT
A BOMB, IT'S A TURKEY.
IT'S A SMOKED TURKEY,
YOU IDIOT!
GET AWAY FROM THERE!
STOP THAT!
YOU THERE!
OH, PLEASE, GOD, NO!
Man:
The bad weather has moved back
and we've lost
our window for takeoff.
YOU BLEW UP
THE WRONG MAN'S TURKEY.
NOW GET ME TO MONTANA.
I'VE GOT TEN HOURS
TO BUY AND SMOKE A BIRD.
WELL, D.F.W. IS
COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.
BUT LOVE FIELD IS
GETTING FLIGHTS OUT
AND THERE'S ONE TO MONTANA
THAT LEAVES IN AN HOUR.
LOVE FIELD IS CLEAR ACROSS TOWN.
THE AIRPORT BUS IS
LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES.
IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
WHAT DID HE SAY?
UH... NOTHING.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING
TO BE HERE A WHILE.
DANG AIRLINES, YOU KNOW.
YEAH.
GET YOUR BAGS,
START WALKING.
BOBBY, LUANNE, FOLLOW ME.
HANK, WHERE
ARE WE GOING?
WHAT'S THE...?
JUST WALK.
WALK SLOWLY.
WALK, WALK, WALK.
RUN!
HANK, THEY ARE JAMMED
BUTT TO GUT IN THERE.
THERE'S NO ROOM.
YOU SAID THIS
WAS WAR, RIGHT?
WELL, I'M TIRED
OF FIGHTING FAIR.
WE'RE GOING TO DO IT
YOUR WAY, PEGGY.
THE DIRTY WAY.
HOLD ON, I GOT FOUR MORE.
YOU CAN TRY.
BOBBY, I NEED AN INCH.
( inhaling )
MONTANA, HERE WE COME.
( sighs )
WAIT. STOP THE BUS.
Y'ALL HAVE A HAPPY
THANKSGIVING.
WHEN I GAVE UP MY PLACE
ON THAT BUS
I ASSUMED THE FOOD COURT
WOULD BE OPEN.
WELL, I TOLD MY MOTHER
WE WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
AND SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
AND, LUANNE, HONEY,
I'M SORRY BUT YOUR FATHER
HAD TO GO BACK
TO THE OIL RIG.
THERE WERE NO FLIGHT DELAYS
IN MONTANA.
( sobs )
THE TEMPERATURE'S BEEN
IN THE MID-70s.
( sniffling )
THEY WENT SWIMMING.
HEY, BOOMHAUER.
I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T
GET TO SEE YOUR MOTHER.
HEY, MAN, YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT SORRY, MAN
THAT DANG OL' STEWARDESS...
BORN AGAIN...
TALKIN' ABOUT
A DAMN COLD SHOWER.
FOUR HOURS STUCK
ON TARMAC.
I LOOK OUT WINDOW,
WHAT DO I SEE?
A FROZEN GRIBBLE.
THE ONLY THING
THAT KEPT ME GOING
WAS MY WILL
TO SMOKE AGAIN
AND THE ASHTRAYS
FROM AN ALITALIA FLIGHT.
WELL, THERE YOU ARE,
NANCY.
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
ALL OVER THE AIRPORT FOR YOU.
OH, DALE, I SEARCHED
FOR YOU AS WELL.
THIS IS THE WORST
THANKSGIVING... EVER.
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE ALL GOT A LOT
TO BE THANKFUL ABOUT.
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF WE'RE IN MONTANA
OR CALIFORNIA OR MIAMI.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
SO, LET'S HAVE OUR
THANKSGIVING DINNER.
NOW, I'VE GOT A STICK OF GUM.
I WAS SAVING IT
FOR THE AIRPLANE.
YOU KNOW, TO POP MY EARS.
I HAVE SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA
FROM PAPA CAPONE'S.
I GOT THEM DANG OL'
AIRPLANE NUTS, MAN...
I GOT A DANG OL' BAGS
OF THEM, MAN.
THAT'S ABOUT ALL I GOT.
I HAVE A CAN OF YAMS.
WELL, I GOT
SOME TURKEY
AND ALL THE TRIMMINGS.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN UNCLE STAN.
I MADE HIM UP.
YEAH, KIND
OF FIGURED THAT.
VERY SAD.
I GUESS COLD PIZZA'S
BETTER THAN NOTHING.
IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE COLD.
OKAY, AS IS TRADITION
I WILL NOW CARVE THE
THANKSGIVING... PIZZA.
WAIT A SECOND.
WITH THOSE SUGAR
PACKETS
THESE PATS OF MARGARINE,
SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA CRUST
AND THAT
PROPANE GRILL
I CAN JERRY-BAKE US
UP A BROWN BETTY.
WELL, YOU DO MAKE
THE BEST BROWN BETTY...
YES, I DO.
Bill:
I HATE THANKSGIVING!
WITH HANK HILL'S
FAMOUS SMOKED TURKEY.
MM... WHAT CAN I BRING
THIS YEAR, HANK?
STRAWS?
OH, WELL, BILL, WE'RE
AND BY "WE" I MEAN ME
MY FAMILY AND THIS TURKEY--
WE'RE ALL GOING
TO MONTANA FOR
THANKSGIVING.
OH.
YEAH. SEE, PEGGY
AND HER MOM
DON'T ALWAYS GET ALONG
AND NOW MOTHER PLATTER'S
STARTING TO TAKE IT OUT
ON PROPANE.
SHE SAYS IT CAN'T GET
THE JOB DONE
WHEN IT COMES
TO SMOKING TURKEY.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING
TO LET THAT GO.
SO FOR PEGGY'S SAKE,
I GOT TO PROVE HER MOM WRONG.
NOW, THIS DOESN'T LEAVE
THE ALLEY, BUT...
PEGGY'S PARENTS WANTED
TO TAKE US
TO A RESTAURANT
FOR THANKSGIVING.
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I CONVINCED THEM
TO HAVE THE MEAL
AT THEIR HOUSE
AND I'M GOING TO GO
WITH MY STANDARD PLAN:
COWBOYS GAME, DINNER AT 5:00
AND SERVE DESSERT
IN TIME FOR HOME ALONE.
( laughs )
THEY BROKE INTO
THE WRONG KID'S HOUSE.
( laughs )
HEY, MAN, YOU GOT ME THINKING
ABOUT DANG OLD
MAMA BOOMHAUER, MAN.
I THINK I'LL FLY OUT
TO DANG OLD MIAMI BEACH, MAN.
TALK ABOUT A BLIND DATE
WITH THE NEIGHBOR'S
GREAT-GREAT-GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER,
MAN...
SHE'S 40.
SO YOU'RE LEAVING, TOO?
I HATE THANKSGIVING!
LET'S GO, BOBBY.
IT'S ALMOST 10:00.
WITH THE DALLAS TRAFFIC
WE WON'T GET
TO THE AIRPORT TILL NOON
AND THAT FLIGHT
LEAVES AT 4:00
WITH OR WITHOUT US.
( sniffing )
THE TURKEY SMELLS GOOD.
CAN I HOLD IT
ON MY LAP
TO SNIFF
FOR THE RIDE?
THE TURKEY RIDES
UP FRONT WITH ME
AWAY FROM THE REAR DEFROSTER.
I JUST TALKED
TO YOUR GRANDMA
AND I WENT OUT
ON A LIMB
AND PROMISED MOISTNESS
AND SMOKINESS.
Peggy:
MY MOTHER CALLED?
OH, I WANTED
TO TELL HER
THAT I'M GOING TO BAKE
MY BROWN BETTY.
YEAH. AH, SHE SAID
NOT TO BOTHER.
SHE'LL JUST PICK UP
SOME SARA LEE.
OH, SURE.
BUT IF MY BROTHER WERE
MAKING BROWN BETTY
SHE'D FREAKING
LICK THE BOWL.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, HANK.
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE DALLAS-FORT WORTH AIRPORT
TO PICK UP
MY UNCLE WHO'S COMING
IN FOR THANKSGIVING.
WHAT TIME'S HIS FLIGHT?
WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT?
4:00.
4:00. MM-HMM.
I CAN DRIVE YOU TO THE AIRPORT.
I GUESS THAT'LL
SAVE ME SOME TIME.
WHICH UNCLE IS IT?
BILL.
HUH. SO YOU'RE
NAMED AFTER HIM?
I SAID STAN.
OKAY, UNCLE HANK,
I'M ALL READY.
MY FIRST TIME
SEEING DADDY
SINCE MAMA SECOND-DEGREE
ASSAULTED HIM WITH A FORK.
OH! THIS IS SO EXCITING!
( squeals )
BOY, IT SURE IS.
NOW, I LIKE TO KEEP
ALL OUR AIRLINE TICKETS
IN THE TRAVEL CADDY.
LUANNE, IF YOU DON'T MIND...
OH, HANK, COULD I PLEASE TALK
TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
LUANNE DOES NOT
HAVE A TICKET.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY
TICKETS FOR THE FAMILY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I BOUGHT TICKETS
FOR ALL THREE MEMBERS
OF THE HILL FAMILY:
HANK HILL, PEGGY HILL
AND BOBBY HILL.
THE HILLS.
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
AS FAR AS LUANNE KNOWS,
YOU LOVE HER
AND YOU CONSIDER HER
PART OF THIS FAMILY.
DO NOT LET HER KNOW
THAT YOU NEGLECTED
TO BUY HER A TICKET.
WELL, I THINK
SHE'S GOING TO FIND OUT
WHEN WE LEAVE HER HERE.
NO, SIR. YOU WILL
BUY LUANNE A TICKET
AT THE AIRPORT
AND IT IS NOT
GOING TO BE EASY
BECAUSE THE DAY
BEFORE THANKSGIVING
IS, IN MY OPINION,
ONE OF THE BUSIEST TRAVEL
DAYS OF THE YEAR.
OKAY, BILL, THAT ZONE'S
FOR LOADING AND
UNLOADING ONLY.
WE CAN TAKE
IT FROM HERE.
WELL, THEN, IT'S
OFF TO UNCLE STU.
YOU SAID STAN.
( scoffs )
OKAY, HANK, YOU WIN.
"STAN" IT IS.
DID YOU PACK YOUR
OWN BAGS AND HAVE
THEY BEEN IN YOUR
SIGHT AT ALL TIMES?
WELL, I HAD TO SET THEM
ON THE CURB
WHEN I UNLOADED THEM
FROM THE TRUNK.
BUT THEY WERE IN YOUR SIGHT?
NO, I HAD MY BACK TURNED.
BUT JUST FOR A MOMENT?
WELL, I'D SAY IT WAS MORE
LIKE A MINUTE THAN A MOMENT.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
JUST SAY THEY
WERE IN YOUR
SIGHT, HANK.
PEGGY, THE MAN IS
AN OFFICIAL
OF THE UNITED
STATES AIRLINES.
I'D BE COMMITTING PERJURY.
IT'S CLEAN.
SO, JUST THE
TWO BAGS THEN?
YEP. AND THIS TANK OF PROPANE.
AH, MAN!
OH, DON'T WORRY.
THAT WAS IN MY SIGHT
THE ENTIRE TIME.
( sighs )
THEY LET THAT WOMAN BRING
AN OXYGEN TANK ON THE PLANE.
OOH! I GET TO USE
MY JUNIOR COLLEGE I.D.
THAT'S ME IN THE PICTURE.
I GOT THE GIGGLES 'CAUSE THERE
WERE THESE FOUR GIRLS AND...
( giggling )
( forced laughter )
WELL, NOW WE'VE ALL
GOT THE GIGGLES.
YOU BETTER SIT DOWN...
OVER THERE, YEAH.
ANY SEATS LEFT
TO BILLINGS?
YES, SIR.
THAT'LL BE $719.
WHAT?!
I PAID $250 FOR MY TICKET!
THAT'S THE PRICE I WANT!
SIR, YOU BOUGHT YOUR
TICKET SIX MONTHS AGO.
YOU ARE BUYING
MISS PLATTER'S TICKET
ON THE DAY OF TRAVEL.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.
MISS PLATTER IS TRAVELING
TO MONTANA
TO SEE HER FATHER
FOR THANKSGIVING.
SHE HASN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS.
DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING
TO YOUR AIRLINE?
( sighs )
I'M GOING TO WRITE
A PERSONAL CHECK
AND IN THE MEMO LINE
I AM WRITING "UNFAIR."
WELL, HOW LONG ARE
YOU GOING TO BE
IN ARIZONA,
MR. RED CORN?
JUST FOR THE THANKSGIVING
WEEKEND.
HEY, DO YOUR PEOPLE EVEN
CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING?
WE DID... ONCE.
UM, SUG, MAYBE I SHOULD SEE
JOHN RED CORN TO THE GATE.
MAKE SURE HE GETS OFF ALL RIGHT.
GOOD IDEA, SWEETHEART.
JOSEPH AND I WILL GO
FIND A BROKEN METER
TO PARK THE BUG-A-BAGO.
UNCLE HANK,
A MAN JUST ASKED ME
IF I WANTED TO JOIN
THE MILE-HIGH CLUB.
COULD YOU GET ME
AN APPLICATION?
WELL, I WOULD THINK
THEY WOULD HAVE THEM
ON THE PLANE, LUANNE.
Kahn:
HEY, HANK!
LOOK, MINH, IT'S
THE EARLY BIRDS.
( laughs )
HEY, HANK, OUR FLIGHT
SAME TIME AS YOURS.
I SAW YOU LEAVE
HOUSE AT 10:00 AM.
WE LEAVE FIVE
HOURS LATER.
YOU STILL WAITING,
YOU DUMB REDNECK.
YEAH, OKAY.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
OH, YEAH. YOU, TOO.
OKAY, MOTHER PLATTER, WELL,
WE'RE ALL SET TO BOARD HERE
SO HOPE YOU'RE READY
TO EAT SOME SMOKED TURKEY
WITH HUMBLE PIE FOR DESSERT.
UH, NO. PEGGY'S STILL PLANNING
TO MAKE A BROWN BETTY.
YEAH, YEAH, I WAS JUST...
NEVER MIND.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
PASSENGERS TRAVELING
TO BILLINGS.
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT
THE BAD WEATHER HAS FORCED
THE DELAY OF YOUR FLIGHT.
WHAT?
BUT MY DADDY'S
ON A DAY PASS.
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
HANK HILL.
I WOULD LIKE TO
VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES
IN ANY WAY NECESSARY
TO HELP GET THIS
PLANE OFF THE GROUND.
SO, PUT ME TO WORK.
SIR, CROWDING ME WILL NOT
GET YOU OUT ANY FASTER.
IT'S SLEETING OUT THERE
AND THE RUNWAYS ARE
LIKE SKATING RINKS.
OH, UNCLE HANK, THEY CAN'T DELAY
THANKSGIVING, CAN THEY?
THEY JUST DID.
NO, MOTHER PLATTER,
I'M NOT CALLING FROM THE PLANE.
THOSE PHONES ARE
ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES.
WE JUST HAVE A SMALL DELAY.
HANK, I WANT TO
MAKE SURE MY MOM HAS
ALL THE INGREDIENTS
FOR MY BROWN BETTY
WHICH I HAVE MADE
EVERY YEAR FROM 1976
UNTIL I DIE,
INCLUSIVE.
I WILL NEED MARGARINE
AND NOT BUTTER.
IS THAT PEGGY?
Hank:
Yeah.
TELL HER WE USE BUTTER
IN THIS HOUSE.
Uh, okay.
SHE GOT BUTTER,
DIDN'T SHE?
( Bing Crosby singing
"Let It Snow" )
Radio announcer:
You said it, Bing.
The weather outside is
frightful.
If you're flying out
of D.F.W., bad news.
All flights are delayed.
( chuckles )
Woman:
WHY IN THE WORLD...?!
Man:
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
I COULD HAVE
TAKEN MY DAMN CAR.
THEY SHOULD LET
THE MAN DO HIS JOB.
DAD, I KNOW YOU
SAID TO TRY
BUT I CAN'T EAT THIS.
IT'S SALAD.
HANK, THE BOY
NEEDS PROTEIN
OR HE'LL PASS OUT.
NOW, BREAK OPEN THAT BOX.
THANKSGIVING WILL GO ON
WITH A ONE-LEGGED TURKEY.
"ONE-LEGGED TURKEY"?
I'M NOT EVEN GOING
TO DIGNIFY THAT WITH A RESPONSE
OTHER THAN "SHAME ON YOU."
HEY, BOBBY.
OOH, CONNIE, HOW'D YOU GET
THAT TERIYAKI BEEF BOWL SO FAST?
MY DAD.
HERE YOU GO, MA'AM.
I'M DISTRICT MANAGER,
PITCHING IN.
CRAZY DAY, HUH?
( laughs nervously )
GO TO THE FRONT
OF THE LINE.
MR. SOUPHANOUSINPHONE
WILL GIVE YOU SOME FOOD.
HOLD UP, BOBBY.
THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
WE'RE NOT ANIMALS.
WE'LL WAIT IN LINE
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
HANK, THE ABILITY
TO CUT AHEAD IN LINE IS
WHAT SEPARATES US
FROM THE ANIMALS.
OKAY, PEOPLE, PERSONAL INSULTS
AND CRITICISMS
TOWARD ME WILL NOT GET YOUR
PLANE OUT ANY FASTER.
IN A FEW MINUTES,
WE'LL BEGIN...
Man:
YOU'RE AN ASS.
WE WILL BEGIN DEICING
YOUR PLANE FOR TAKEOFF.
THANK YOU, SIR.
RUTH ANN, I WAS
JUST IN THE BATHROOM
NEXT TO THE PILOT.
HE TOLD ME THEY
DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH WORKERS TO
DEICE THEIR PLANES
BUT T.W.A. DOES, AND THEY'RE
HONORING ALL TICKETS.
UNA MOMENTO, SENOR.
YO HABLO ESPANOL.
YES, DO YOU KNOW WHERE
I CAN CATCH THE T.W.A. FLIGHT?
I THINK IT'S GATE
CINCUENTA Y OCHO.
58.
COME ON, HANK.
YOU HEARD THE MAN.
WE HAVE TO GO TO GATE
CINCUENTA Y OCHO.
ANDELE.
THAT WAS NOTHING
BUT THIRD-HAND GOSSIP.
YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE YOU'RE DRUNK.
LOOK, BOBBY.
CHOCK FULL OF CHIPS
JUST OPENED A SECOND REGISTER.
OH, GOD!
HANK, HANK!
BOBBY GOT AWAY!
WHAT?
GET HIM! GO GET HIM!
BOBBY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WHAT YOU?
( panting )
COOKIES.
HANK, DID YOU HEAR
THAT ANNOUNCEMENT?
THE GATE AGENT
JUST SAID
WERE SUPPOSED TO GO
TO THE T.W.A. FLIGHT.
WHAT? ALL RIGHT,
LET ME GO ASK HIM AND...
NO. THERE IS
NO TIME.
THE PLANE LEAVES
IN TEN MINUTES.
JOSEPH, HERE'S A ROLL
OF QUARTER-SIZED
ALUMINUM SLUGS.
GO KNOCK YOURSELF OUT
AT THE VIDEO ARCADE.
( chuckles )
SHACKLEFORD.
ADMIRAL RUSTY SHACKLEFORD.
I'LL KEEP MY COAT.
ADMIRAL. ADMIRAL.
LADY ADMIRAL. ADMIRAL.
I'M SORRY, ADMIRAL.
THERE'S NO SMOKING
IN THE TERMINAL BUILDING.
YOU'RE NOT SORRY,
AND I'M NOT AN ADMIRAL.
FOR THE THIRD TIME, SIR,
WE DON'T EVEN FLY TO MONTANA.
WELL, YOU CHECK IT AGAIN.
MY WIFE HEARD AN
OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT.
TELL HER, PEGGY.
ALL RIGHT PEGGY,
YOU LIED TO ME
ABOUT THE ANNOUNCEMENT.
THAT'S STRIKE ONE.
WHAT? OH, DON'T START
WITH THAT BASEBALL...
THAT'S TWO.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
HE GETS TO THREE?
HE DOESN'T KNOW.
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
DID WE MISS THE FLIGHT?
IT'S BEEN CANCELED
TILL TOMORROW MORNING.
CANCELED?
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I KNOW MY RIGHTS
AS A PASSENGER.
ATTENTION,
REMAINING PASSENGERS.
WE ARE HOLDING A BLOCK OF ROOMS
AT THE ECONOSUITES.
A SHUTTLE VAN IS WAITING
TO TAKE YOU THERE.
NOPE, THERE ARE
TOO MANY PEOPLE AND
NOT ENOUGH SEATS.
DO THE MATH, HANK.
WELL, IF THIS VAN FILLS UP
THEY'LL SEND A SECOND ONE.
HANK RUTHERFORD HILL,
IS "NAIVE" YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
THERE IS NO SECOND VAN
AND THERE WILL NEVER BE
ENOUGH ROOMS AT THE HOTEL.
Boomhauer:
HEY, YO, MAN, HANK.
HANK, MAN, LOOKS LIKE
A DAMN LAYOVER, MAN.
GONNA BE SOMETHING
WIND UP SOMETHING SPECIAL
ON THE GROUND, MAN.
KNOW I'M SAYING, MAN.
THE HOTEL VANS ARE OVER HERE.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
HANK, WE ARE FIGHTING
A WAR HERE
CALLED THANKSGIVING
AT THE AIRPORT.
NOW, WE CAN EITHER
STAND HERE AND TAKE IT
LIKE THE FRENCH
OR WE CAN BEAT
THE REST OF THESE
CHUMPS TO THE HOTEL.
NOW, COME ON!
Bill:
HANK!
PEGGY!
( groans )
HEY, DID YOU HEAR?
THE WHOLE AIRPORT'S
SHUT DOWN.
WE'RE STUCK HERE ALL NIGHT!
BILL, GET THE CAR.
MR. DAUTERIVE, DID YOUR
UNCLE'S FLIGHT GET IN OKAY?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
SO, CAN WE
MEET HIM?
NO, HE'S BACK
IN ARLEN.
THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WE HAD A FIGHT.
HE BIT ME.
BILL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE.
DO YOU WANT A RIDE OR NOT?
BILL, KEEP YOUR EYES
ON THE ROAD.
OH, DON'T WORRY, PEGGY.
STRIKE TWO AND A HALF.
( gasps )
GET THE HELL
OUT OF THERE.
THERE'S NO SMOKING
IN THE AIRPORT.
Hank:
WELL, THAT WAS A WONDERFUL
WASTE OF TIME.
( yelps )
ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS!
ADMIRAL IN DISTRESS!
NOW, WE WANT TO BE
ON THE FIRST FLIGHT
TOMORROW MORNING.
SO, I'M GOING TO SET
MY WATCH ALARM FOR 5:30.
Paging passenger Tom Ganaway.
Please pick up the nearest
white courtesy phone.
PEGGY, PEGGY, I THINK
THAT'S TOM GANAWAY.
ALL RIGHT,
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
( beeping )
Man:
GOOD MORNING
AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING
TO YOU ALL.
I'M PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT
FLIGHT 211 TO BILLINGS
IS NOW BOARDING.
WE KNOW IT'S BEEN
A DIFFICULT NIGHT
BUT IN APPRECIATION
OF YOUR PATIENCE
YOUR HEADSETS WILL BE FREE.
MISS PLATTER,
WE'VE OVERSOLD
THE COACH SECTION.
SINCE YOU'RE TRAVELING
ON A FULL-FARE
COACH TICKET
WE'RE BUMPING
YOU UP TO FIRST-CLASS.
( laughing )
GOOD MORNING, HILLS.
YES, I USE GOLD CLUB MILES
TO UPGRADE TO HONEYMOON SUITE.
BEST REST OF MY LIFE.
YEAH, WELL, I WAS TOO EXCITED
TO SLEEP, I TELL YOU WHAT.
I'M GOING TO VISIT MY IN-LAWS!
Attendant:
I'M SORRY, SIR,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO CHECK THAT.
THIS ISN'T FAIR.
IT MEETS THE CUBIC FEET
REQUIREMENT.
IT'S JUST ODDLY SHAPED.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, HANK,
THERE'S NO TIME.
JUST CHECK IT.
Man:
Please hurry up
and take your seats.
We only have a small break
in the weather to take off.
WELL, THEY'RE STILL
LOADING THE LUGGAGE.
LOOKS LIKE A GOOD CREW.
BOY, THAT BIG GAL CAN
REALLY TOSS A BAG.
LOOK AT HER.
UM... THAT CURTAIN OVER
THERE-- WHAT'S IT FOR?
IT SEPARATES FIRST-CLASS
FROM COACH.
I'D LIKE THAT CLOSED.
HEY, THERE'S
MY TURKEY BOX.
( laughs )
THOSE DOGS SURE KNOW
A GOOD SMOKED TURKEY
WHEN THEY SMELL IT.
HEY, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FORGET
MY TURKEY, ARE THEY?
PEGGY, GET THE STEWARDESS.
OH, NO, FORGET IT.
HERE COMES SOMEBODY.
WHAT?
WHAT IN THE HECK
IS HE DOING?
MY GOD, HANK, THAT'S
THE BOMB SQUAD.
THERE'S A BOMB?
NO, NO, IT'S NOT
A BOMB, IT'S A TURKEY.
IT'S A SMOKED TURKEY,
YOU IDIOT!
GET AWAY FROM THERE!
STOP THAT!
YOU THERE!
OH, PLEASE, GOD, NO!
Man:
The bad weather has moved back
and we've lost
our window for takeoff.
YOU BLEW UP
THE WRONG MAN'S TURKEY.
NOW GET ME TO MONTANA.
I'VE GOT TEN HOURS
TO BUY AND SMOKE A BIRD.
WELL, D.F.W. IS
COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.
BUT LOVE FIELD IS
GETTING FLIGHTS OUT
AND THERE'S ONE TO MONTANA
THAT LEAVES IN AN HOUR.
LOVE FIELD IS CLEAR ACROSS TOWN.
THE AIRPORT BUS IS
LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES.
IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING?
WHAT DID HE SAY?
UH... NOTHING.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GOING
TO BE HERE A WHILE.
DANG AIRLINES, YOU KNOW.
YEAH.
GET YOUR BAGS,
START WALKING.
BOBBY, LUANNE, FOLLOW ME.
HANK, WHERE
ARE WE GOING?
WHAT'S THE...?
JUST WALK.
WALK SLOWLY.
WALK, WALK, WALK.
RUN!
HANK, THEY ARE JAMMED
BUTT TO GUT IN THERE.
THERE'S NO ROOM.
YOU SAID THIS
WAS WAR, RIGHT?
WELL, I'M TIRED
OF FIGHTING FAIR.
WE'RE GOING TO DO IT
YOUR WAY, PEGGY.
THE DIRTY WAY.
HOLD ON, I GOT FOUR MORE.
YOU CAN TRY.
BOBBY, I NEED AN INCH.
( inhaling )
MONTANA, HERE WE COME.
( sighs )
WAIT. STOP THE BUS.
Y'ALL HAVE A HAPPY
THANKSGIVING.
WHEN I GAVE UP MY PLACE
ON THAT BUS
I ASSUMED THE FOOD COURT
WOULD BE OPEN.
WELL, I TOLD MY MOTHER
WE WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT
AND SHE WAS DISAPPOINTED.
AND, LUANNE, HONEY,
I'M SORRY BUT YOUR FATHER
HAD TO GO BACK
TO THE OIL RIG.
THERE WERE NO FLIGHT DELAYS
IN MONTANA.
( sobs )
THE TEMPERATURE'S BEEN
IN THE MID-70s.
( sniffling )
THEY WENT SWIMMING.
HEY, BOOMHAUER.
I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T
GET TO SEE YOUR MOTHER.
HEY, MAN, YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT SORRY, MAN
THAT DANG OL' STEWARDESS...
BORN AGAIN...
TALKIN' ABOUT
A DAMN COLD SHOWER.
FOUR HOURS STUCK
ON TARMAC.
I LOOK OUT WINDOW,
WHAT DO I SEE?
A FROZEN GRIBBLE.
THE ONLY THING
THAT KEPT ME GOING
WAS MY WILL
TO SMOKE AGAIN
AND THE ASHTRAYS
FROM AN ALITALIA FLIGHT.
WELL, THERE YOU ARE,
NANCY.
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
ALL OVER THE AIRPORT FOR YOU.
OH, DALE, I SEARCHED
FOR YOU AS WELL.
THIS IS THE WORST
THANKSGIVING... EVER.
COME ON, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE ALL GOT A LOT
TO BE THANKFUL ABOUT.
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF WE'RE IN MONTANA
OR CALIFORNIA OR MIAMI.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS
WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.
SO, LET'S HAVE OUR
THANKSGIVING DINNER.
NOW, I'VE GOT A STICK OF GUM.
I WAS SAVING IT
FOR THE AIRPLANE.
YOU KNOW, TO POP MY EARS.
I HAVE SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA
FROM PAPA CAPONE'S.
I GOT THEM DANG OL'
AIRPLANE NUTS, MAN...
I GOT A DANG OL' BAGS
OF THEM, MAN.
THAT'S ABOUT ALL I GOT.
I HAVE A CAN OF YAMS.
WELL, I GOT
SOME TURKEY
AND ALL THE TRIMMINGS.
ACTUALLY, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN UNCLE STAN.
I MADE HIM UP.
YEAH, KIND
OF FIGURED THAT.
VERY SAD.
I GUESS COLD PIZZA'S
BETTER THAN NOTHING.
IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE COLD.
OKAY, AS IS TRADITION
I WILL NOW CARVE THE
THANKSGIVING... PIZZA.
WAIT A SECOND.
WITH THOSE SUGAR
PACKETS
THESE PATS OF MARGARINE,
SOME LEFTOVER PIZZA CRUST
AND THAT
PROPANE GRILL
I CAN JERRY-BAKE US
UP A BROWN BETTY.
WELL, YOU DO MAKE
THE BEST BROWN BETTY...
YES, I DO.
Bill:
I HATE THANKSGIVING!