King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 22 - Flush with Power - full transcript
Hank joins the town council to uncover the truth behind the recent requirement of ineffectual low-flow toilets.
[Exclaiming]
Dale, your wife's
a weather personality.
Does she have any idea
when this
drought's gonna end?
No relief in sight.
And that's straight
from the a.p. News wire
to nancy to me to you.
Well, stage 1 water
rationing wasn't too bad.
I just cut out
peggy's crystal light.
When we hit stage 2,
i took away bobby's baths.
But stage 3
is killing my lawn,
and that affects everyone.
Bobby!
Have you lost your mind?
I've got a girlfriend now.
She expects me
to smell a certain way.
Then suck it up
and take a shower.
Eh, i don't like
to stand that long.
Hey, uh...
j.j., how'd we do?
You're just
at your weekly allotment.
Dang it! I scrimpe
d and saved all week
.
Why don't you get
a couple of those
new low-flow toilets?
They use about
half as much water
and, uh, the water company
is giving 'em out for free.
Well, i don't know.
My toilets have given me
15 years of
dependable service
.
I'm not one of those guys
who turns 40
and runs out
and buys fancy new toilets
.
(kahn)
Check it out, hank hill.
Who got the green thumb now,
hayseed?
What? How, in stage 3,
could you...
.
I use secret asian
watering technique
ah, come on. That's crazy.
Don't let my geniu
s in mathematics
blind you
to my mystical side.
I could spit in a thimble
and water central park.
[Laughing]
Goodbye, toilets.
Thanks for everything.
New low-flow toilets.
Boy, this is exciting.
But i guess you guys
are probably
used to it by now.
Yeah, i'm used to it.
[Flushing]
?? [humming]
? don't spit into the wind?
? you don't pull
the mask off??
What the...
[flushing]
Dang it.
[Flushing]
Still?
[Toilet flushing]
[People cheering on t.v.]
[Toilet flushing]
[Clearing throat]
.
Heck of a game
so, uh, peggy, uh,
i'm just curious.
How many flushes
was that?
A lady does not
discuss such matters.
It was 6.
I'm averaging 4 myself,
but i'm just a kid.
[Sighs]
This is crazy.
If you have to
flush twice,
you're already using
as much water
as our old toilets.
But we're flushing
3, 4, 6 times.
We're not saving any water.
If anything,
we are wasting water.
Ah, i'm gonna call
the water company,
see about gettin'
the high-flows back.
Uh-uh. I already called.
They take the old toilets,
they smash 'em up
then dump them
in the gulf of mexico
to make
an artificial coral reef.
(bobby)
Mom, you needed 7.
That's it.
[Toilet flushing]
(bobby)
Thanks for the help
with the algebra homework.
Now, if you ever need help
with your homework,
sanjay owes me a favor.
[Clicking tongue]
[Grunts]
[Bobby groans]
So, was i 20 gallons
over my limit,
or was it a cool 40?
Look, i already told you,
it's $100.
It's a bribe, not a tip.
Ok. Ok.
.
Best $100 i ever spent
so, this dirty money going
for more steroids
or hair plugs?
]
[Guffawing
just kidding.
Ah, you all right,
jack lalanne.
[Engine running]
[Doorbell ringing]
[Exclaims]
Hey, what you doing?
.
I'm here
to take a bath
are you crazy?
Get out!
Legally i can shoot you now.
With what? A water pistol?
You seem to have plenty
of the wet stuff these days,
don't you, sir?
[Laughing nervously]
I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
I use secret asian
watering technique.
Best $100 you ever spent.
[Exclaims]
What you want?
Baths and lots of 'em.
Oh, and i'm tired of
.
Climbing in and ou
t of connie's window
from now on i'll be
using the front door.
Excuse me.
Where do you keep
your good toilets?
Sorry. We don't stock
the good toilets anymore.
Just the low-flows.
And even if i did
have the high-flows,
it would be illegal
to install them
in heimlich county.
L
which idiot made it illega
to install a working toile
t in your own bathroom?
The board of zoning
and resources,
ordinance 621-a.
?
The board of zoning
and resources did this
huh, i love their
setback requirements.
(nate)
The motion to postpone item 25
until next week carries.
Any other business?
[Hank clears throat]
.
Hank hill here
assistant manager,
strickland propane.
May i first say
what an honor it is
to be addressing
this distinguished board.
Now, i recently installed
low-flow, uh, fixtures
in my home.
Mr. Hill, uh, in order
to even discuss this issue
,
it would have to be
on the agenda.
Ok. Then let's put it
on the agenda.
Sir, only a member
of the board of
zoning and resources
can place items
on the agenda.
But my toilets...
mr. Hill, your time is up.
We appreciate your comments.
Uh, mr. Chairman,
i'd like to remind the members
of the board
that it is earl's birthday.
I move we wish
earl happy birthday.
(ed)
I second the motion.
(nate)
All in favor?
(board members)
Aye.
The motion carries.
Happy birthday, earl.
[Crickets chirping]
(hank)
Then before i knew it
my time was up.
.
I never even got to mentio
n the sorry state of my lawn
did you move to extend tim
e for consideration
of the pending question?
What? How'd you do that?
Hank, i am a veteran
of p.t.a. Meetings,
both as a "p" and a "t."
And i have read the bible
of parliamentary procedure
known as
robert's rules of order.
Sounds like someone
should run for mayor.
I mean, you are the
smartest man in town, dad.
[Hank chuckles]
Well...
you know,
there's nothing sayin'
i couldn't run for a spot
on the board of
zoning and resources.
Well, you can coun
t on my vote,
.
Assuming i agree
with your platform
i, hank hill, do hereby submit
this application
to be on the ballot
for election
to the board of
zoning and resources.
I will build my platform
on thick, healthy lawns
made possible by
efficient toilets
that don't waste water.
Ok, you're in.
You hear that, bobby?
Your old man's on the ballot.
.
There is no ballot
there's been an empty seat
on the board
for the past 4 years.
Congratulations.
You're a board member.
We won!
No, bobby. Arlen won.
[Sighs]
It's gone from "evergreen"
to "amber mist."
Ashes to ashes.
We'd have so much more water
for our lawns
if we didn't have
that stupid toilet law.
I'm gonna use
all the power of my position
to get our old toilets back.
They say power
is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Hank, can you introduce me
to madeleine albright?
People, people,
there are limits
to our newly empowered
friend hank's power.
He deals in simple
county-level matters
like the permit i need
to build my new fence.
Now, dale, first you need
to write up your proposal.
Then you need to present it
to the board for a vote.
And then democracy happens.
I get a new fence!
? give me fence,
lots of fence?
? hey, please fence me in,
yeah!?
? give me fence,
lots of fence?
? please fence me in??
(nate)
Motion to approve item 39,
the resolution to include
in the city fee ordinance
the smart-growth incentives.
Second.
All in favor?
(all)
Aye.
(hank)
Aye!
Motion passes.
Next order of business:
Mr. Dale gribble's request
for a zoning variance.
Uh, in the interes
t of impartiality,
i would like to pu
t on the record
that dale gribble
is a close friend
and neighbor.
And i will add
that i know hi
m
r
to be a good fathe
and a responsible
citizen of arlen.
Well put.
Mr. Chairman, board members,
basically what i am
envisioning
is a 12-foot,
10,000-volt, electrified
protective fence
with guard tower.
Thank you.
Dale, that is the single,
dumbest...
all in favor?
You're makin' me
look like a jackass.
[Sighs]
All in favor
of mr. Gribble's variance?
Nay.
(all)
Nay.
Request denied.
You're dead to me.
Final order of business,
item 41,
has also been put
on the agenda by mr. Hill.
Chairman yields the floor.
Thank you,
chairman hashaway.
[Clears throat]
1.6 gallons per flush
per low-flow toilet.
Sounds pretty good
, doesn't it?
But, unfortunately,
in the real world,
,
where things don't flush
like they do in the movies
it can take 3, 4,
or in the case
of my wife, peggy hill,
6 flushes
to completely
remove solid waste.
The fact is, these toilets
are squandering more water
than they are saving.
Thank you.
Mr. Hill,
i want to assure you
that the board
fully considered
all viewpoints, before
approving ordinance 621-a.
See you all wednesday.
Oh, what am i saying?
I'll see you sunday
at earl's party.
There's a party?
Hey, i know you.
Chair recognizes hank hill.
[Chuckles]
Seriously, hank,
i want you to see something.
Because of
the worsening drought,
we thought we'd swap
these high-flows
for a couple of water-savers.
So, um, why don't you take
the old toilets,
be happy,
and we'll move on
to the important business
of zoning and resources?
Well, that's mighty
nice of you, nate,
but that would be
breaking the law.
So, until i get
that law revoked,
i'm gonna have to say:
"Not yet."
You're a real boy scout,
aren't you, hank?
Made it to eagle.
Good night.
[Murmurs]
Mr. Gribble.
[Yells]
Ah, don't sneak up...
ah, uh, i almost...
oh, i'm sorry.
I hear
you're hank hill's neighbor.
I... i just want to talk to you
about a little
piece of business.
Go on.
Mr. Gribble,
we're both adults here...
.
(hank)
Oh, no
what are you doing?
Well, i was listenin'
to your mother
tell me about her day
.
And then it hit me
freezer shavings.
They're made of water.
[Blowing]
Oh, look at all the frost
inside this box of
fletcher's corny dogs.
Thank you, jesus.
[Crickets chirping]
]
[Alarm beeping
[groaning]
[Tap squeaks]
[Grunts]
Hey, mcnugget!
What the hell you doing?
Shh, my dad will hear us.
You're breaking our agreement.
My bribe not big enough
to cover your bath,
my slip 'n slide,
and your father's lawn.
Something gotta give,
and it not gonna be
my slip 'n slide.
And it's not gonna
be my dad's lawn.
Forget the baths.
.
Done. And you can forget
your front-door privileges
all right.
All right.
[Speaking laotian]
Come on, bobby.
You slept through the bus.
Sweet saint augustine!
[Gasps]
It worked that fast?
Yeah. How about that?
I was hoping
those freezer
shavings would work,
but between you and me
, i had my doubts.
[Car door shuts]
Hmm. That's a handsome lawn.
Well, your raleigh
saint augustine
is a real deep-rooted sod.
And it takes
a pretty picture, too.
(nate)
These were taken
over the last several nights
by a private investigator.
If i'm not mistaken,
that's your boy
violating the
water-rationing laws
with your neighbor's hose.
Bobby?
Don't worry.
I'll keep your secret,
unless, of course
you want to keep
pushing that toilet issue.
I idolized you!
[Sighs]
Bobby, you stole water.
You violated both the letter
and the spirit of
the water-rationing rules.
Dad, i didn't
steal the water.
Mr. Souphanousinphone
let me have it.
Don't lie to me, son.
Kahn hates my lawn.
No, it's true.
.
I mean,
i had to blackmail him
blackmail?
[Sighs]
Mr. Souphanousinphone
started it.
I caught him bribing
the meter reader guy.
Oh, god! J.j., too?
But, dad,
i saved your lawn.
I don't have a lawn,
i have a crime scene.
And that grass
is getting the death penalty.
No more water.
[Birds chirping]
(bobby)
Dad, guess what!
I just took
a 30-second shower.
And i'm gonna dry myself off
on the lawn.
[Grunting]
.
The lawn's dead, bobby
. you're just makin' mud
(dale)
Here, kitty, kitty
, kitty, kitty.
Here, kitty.
[Sighs]
Dale, you can't
build that fence.
You need a variance.
Variance-schmariance,
puddin' and pie.
Signed by nate hashaway?
Where'd you get that?
Stop interrogating me.
I'll never crack.
What are you talking about?
All right! I did it!
I took the photos
of the illegal lawn
hydration for hashaway.
What? You sold me out
for a stupid fence?
.
You bet i did.
I'm so ashamed
here. Tear it up
if that empty gesture
will make you feel better.
[Gasps]
Hank, you're alive
to me.
Call me.
[Panting]
[Bobby grunts]
Connie?
?? [playing violin]
[Grunts]
[Groans]
Hashaway.
Dad, i found out
somethin' about hashaway
that you could
use against him.
Bobby, you keep your dirt.
I've got enough
where my lawn used to be.
Dad, listen.
I was climbing through
connie's window, and then i...
the window? Your mother said
kahn was lettin' you
use the front door.
He was.
But i gave that up
to water your lawn.
[Gavel pounding]
This meeting is
called to order.
Sorry i took so long.
I went to powder my nose.
It took 8 flushes.
Oh. This has got to stop.
(nate)
First item of business.
Uh, oh.
Well, it's our
old friend's proposal
to repeal ordinance 621-a.
I believe mr. Hill
now wants to rescind
his proposal.
No, sir,
i do not.
You see, the envelope
in front of
mr. Hashaway there
contains photographs
of my son
watering my lawn
with stolen water.
I accept full responsibility
and after tonight's meeting,
i will resign my position.
But why is nate hashaway
fighting so hard
to keep low-flow toilets?
Because his company,
hashaway fixtures,
is the exclusive supplier
of low-flow toilets
to the water company.
That's right.
He makes money off 621-a.
And that's why i move
that we vote to overturn it.
I second the motion.
All right.
Call for a vote.
(all)
Nay.
What? But these toilets
he's selling, they don't work.
Well, i don't own
one personally.
Never even used one.
But i've known nat
e for 18 years.
,
and if he says
these low-flows
are good for arlen
.
I'm inclined
to believe him
it's 5-to-0 against you,
mr. Hill.
How do you vote?
[Sighs]
I vote...
.
(peggy)
Hank, wait
ok. Until you say
"aye" or "nay,"
.
This vote is not final
and any member who leaves
before it's final,
forfeits their vote.
.
It's all right here
in robert's rules of order
so they can't leave. So what?
,
so, eventually
they will have to go
to the bathroom.
The low-flows.
Hank, i have 2 years' wort
h of my musings columns
in my purse.
Start reading.
Do not let up.
Mr. Hill,
do you have the floor?
Yes, i do. But before i vote,
i think it's important to read
these things to, uh, you.
[Clearing throat]
"You know it's autumn
when the leaves are leaving
and the pine needles
are sticking around."
[Laughing]
Sorry. Go on.
Oh, god dang it!
It's a filibuster.
[All chattering]
"I'm tired of reading
negative stories
"about today's youth.
You might say
i'm on an all-pro-teen diet."
I'm not leavin'.
I'm just goin' to the john
.
Be my guest.
"The people who say
"you can't make an omelet
without cracking eggs
are always
pretty hard-boiled." huh.
[Toilet flushing]
Mr. Hill.
[Toilet flushing]
"They say time flies.
"But with the way the airlines
are going these days,
maybe time
should take the bus."
[Toilet flushing]
That's right. The bus.
"They say an apple a day
keeps the doctor away,
"but if you don't go
to the doctor
for regular check-ups,
you're bananas."
No.
"Both people and
rivers make deposits..."
this is just sadistic.
I wouldn't go
in the john.
I'll use the ladies'.
Too late.
Somebody already broke it.
Nate, those
low-flow toilets are junk.
I'm voting with hank.
Me, too.
I'm not sure i can
even make it home.
You're a bunch of babies.
I'm changing my vote.
Same here.
Fine. Have it your way,
you do-gooding phonies.
I hope you all rot in hell.
See you next tuesday.
It looks like
nate forfeits his vote.
I vote yes.
The repeal of ordinance 621-a
passes, and i quit.
[All sigh]
Way to go, dad
! you did it!
From now on
no one will flush
a toilet in this town
.
Without thanking hank hill
yeah. Well,
it was still worth it.
[Toilet flushing]
(hank)
Still?
Dale, your wife's
a weather personality.
Does she have any idea
when this
drought's gonna end?
No relief in sight.
And that's straight
from the a.p. News wire
to nancy to me to you.
Well, stage 1 water
rationing wasn't too bad.
I just cut out
peggy's crystal light.
When we hit stage 2,
i took away bobby's baths.
But stage 3
is killing my lawn,
and that affects everyone.
Bobby!
Have you lost your mind?
I've got a girlfriend now.
She expects me
to smell a certain way.
Then suck it up
and take a shower.
Eh, i don't like
to stand that long.
Hey, uh...
j.j., how'd we do?
You're just
at your weekly allotment.
Dang it! I scrimpe
d and saved all week
.
Why don't you get
a couple of those
new low-flow toilets?
They use about
half as much water
and, uh, the water company
is giving 'em out for free.
Well, i don't know.
My toilets have given me
15 years of
dependable service
.
I'm not one of those guys
who turns 40
and runs out
and buys fancy new toilets
.
(kahn)
Check it out, hank hill.
Who got the green thumb now,
hayseed?
What? How, in stage 3,
could you...
.
I use secret asian
watering technique
ah, come on. That's crazy.
Don't let my geniu
s in mathematics
blind you
to my mystical side.
I could spit in a thimble
and water central park.
[Laughing]
Goodbye, toilets.
Thanks for everything.
New low-flow toilets.
Boy, this is exciting.
But i guess you guys
are probably
used to it by now.
Yeah, i'm used to it.
[Flushing]
?? [humming]
? don't spit into the wind?
? you don't pull
the mask off??
What the...
[flushing]
Dang it.
[Flushing]
Still?
[Toilet flushing]
[People cheering on t.v.]
[Toilet flushing]
[Clearing throat]
.
Heck of a game
so, uh, peggy, uh,
i'm just curious.
How many flushes
was that?
A lady does not
discuss such matters.
It was 6.
I'm averaging 4 myself,
but i'm just a kid.
[Sighs]
This is crazy.
If you have to
flush twice,
you're already using
as much water
as our old toilets.
But we're flushing
3, 4, 6 times.
We're not saving any water.
If anything,
we are wasting water.
Ah, i'm gonna call
the water company,
see about gettin'
the high-flows back.
Uh-uh. I already called.
They take the old toilets,
they smash 'em up
then dump them
in the gulf of mexico
to make
an artificial coral reef.
(bobby)
Mom, you needed 7.
That's it.
[Toilet flushing]
(bobby)
Thanks for the help
with the algebra homework.
Now, if you ever need help
with your homework,
sanjay owes me a favor.
[Clicking tongue]
[Grunts]
[Bobby groans]
So, was i 20 gallons
over my limit,
or was it a cool 40?
Look, i already told you,
it's $100.
It's a bribe, not a tip.
Ok. Ok.
.
Best $100 i ever spent
so, this dirty money going
for more steroids
or hair plugs?
]
[Guffawing
just kidding.
Ah, you all right,
jack lalanne.
[Engine running]
[Doorbell ringing]
[Exclaims]
Hey, what you doing?
.
I'm here
to take a bath
are you crazy?
Get out!
Legally i can shoot you now.
With what? A water pistol?
You seem to have plenty
of the wet stuff these days,
don't you, sir?
[Laughing nervously]
I don't know
what you're talkin' about.
I use secret asian
watering technique.
Best $100 you ever spent.
[Exclaims]
What you want?
Baths and lots of 'em.
Oh, and i'm tired of
.
Climbing in and ou
t of connie's window
from now on i'll be
using the front door.
Excuse me.
Where do you keep
your good toilets?
Sorry. We don't stock
the good toilets anymore.
Just the low-flows.
And even if i did
have the high-flows,
it would be illegal
to install them
in heimlich county.
L
which idiot made it illega
to install a working toile
t in your own bathroom?
The board of zoning
and resources,
ordinance 621-a.
?
The board of zoning
and resources did this
huh, i love their
setback requirements.
(nate)
The motion to postpone item 25
until next week carries.
Any other business?
[Hank clears throat]
.
Hank hill here
assistant manager,
strickland propane.
May i first say
what an honor it is
to be addressing
this distinguished board.
Now, i recently installed
low-flow, uh, fixtures
in my home.
Mr. Hill, uh, in order
to even discuss this issue
,
it would have to be
on the agenda.
Ok. Then let's put it
on the agenda.
Sir, only a member
of the board of
zoning and resources
can place items
on the agenda.
But my toilets...
mr. Hill, your time is up.
We appreciate your comments.
Uh, mr. Chairman,
i'd like to remind the members
of the board
that it is earl's birthday.
I move we wish
earl happy birthday.
(ed)
I second the motion.
(nate)
All in favor?
(board members)
Aye.
The motion carries.
Happy birthday, earl.
[Crickets chirping]
(hank)
Then before i knew it
my time was up.
.
I never even got to mentio
n the sorry state of my lawn
did you move to extend tim
e for consideration
of the pending question?
What? How'd you do that?
Hank, i am a veteran
of p.t.a. Meetings,
both as a "p" and a "t."
And i have read the bible
of parliamentary procedure
known as
robert's rules of order.
Sounds like someone
should run for mayor.
I mean, you are the
smartest man in town, dad.
[Hank chuckles]
Well...
you know,
there's nothing sayin'
i couldn't run for a spot
on the board of
zoning and resources.
Well, you can coun
t on my vote,
.
Assuming i agree
with your platform
i, hank hill, do hereby submit
this application
to be on the ballot
for election
to the board of
zoning and resources.
I will build my platform
on thick, healthy lawns
made possible by
efficient toilets
that don't waste water.
Ok, you're in.
You hear that, bobby?
Your old man's on the ballot.
.
There is no ballot
there's been an empty seat
on the board
for the past 4 years.
Congratulations.
You're a board member.
We won!
No, bobby. Arlen won.
[Sighs]
It's gone from "evergreen"
to "amber mist."
Ashes to ashes.
We'd have so much more water
for our lawns
if we didn't have
that stupid toilet law.
I'm gonna use
all the power of my position
to get our old toilets back.
They say power
is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Hank, can you introduce me
to madeleine albright?
People, people,
there are limits
to our newly empowered
friend hank's power.
He deals in simple
county-level matters
like the permit i need
to build my new fence.
Now, dale, first you need
to write up your proposal.
Then you need to present it
to the board for a vote.
And then democracy happens.
I get a new fence!
? give me fence,
lots of fence?
? hey, please fence me in,
yeah!?
? give me fence,
lots of fence?
? please fence me in??
(nate)
Motion to approve item 39,
the resolution to include
in the city fee ordinance
the smart-growth incentives.
Second.
All in favor?
(all)
Aye.
(hank)
Aye!
Motion passes.
Next order of business:
Mr. Dale gribble's request
for a zoning variance.
Uh, in the interes
t of impartiality,
i would like to pu
t on the record
that dale gribble
is a close friend
and neighbor.
And i will add
that i know hi
m
r
to be a good fathe
and a responsible
citizen of arlen.
Well put.
Mr. Chairman, board members,
basically what i am
envisioning
is a 12-foot,
10,000-volt, electrified
protective fence
with guard tower.
Thank you.
Dale, that is the single,
dumbest...
all in favor?
You're makin' me
look like a jackass.
[Sighs]
All in favor
of mr. Gribble's variance?
Nay.
(all)
Nay.
Request denied.
You're dead to me.
Final order of business,
item 41,
has also been put
on the agenda by mr. Hill.
Chairman yields the floor.
Thank you,
chairman hashaway.
[Clears throat]
1.6 gallons per flush
per low-flow toilet.
Sounds pretty good
, doesn't it?
But, unfortunately,
in the real world,
,
where things don't flush
like they do in the movies
it can take 3, 4,
or in the case
of my wife, peggy hill,
6 flushes
to completely
remove solid waste.
The fact is, these toilets
are squandering more water
than they are saving.
Thank you.
Mr. Hill,
i want to assure you
that the board
fully considered
all viewpoints, before
approving ordinance 621-a.
See you all wednesday.
Oh, what am i saying?
I'll see you sunday
at earl's party.
There's a party?
Hey, i know you.
Chair recognizes hank hill.
[Chuckles]
Seriously, hank,
i want you to see something.
Because of
the worsening drought,
we thought we'd swap
these high-flows
for a couple of water-savers.
So, um, why don't you take
the old toilets,
be happy,
and we'll move on
to the important business
of zoning and resources?
Well, that's mighty
nice of you, nate,
but that would be
breaking the law.
So, until i get
that law revoked,
i'm gonna have to say:
"Not yet."
You're a real boy scout,
aren't you, hank?
Made it to eagle.
Good night.
[Murmurs]
Mr. Gribble.
[Yells]
Ah, don't sneak up...
ah, uh, i almost...
oh, i'm sorry.
I hear
you're hank hill's neighbor.
I... i just want to talk to you
about a little
piece of business.
Go on.
Mr. Gribble,
we're both adults here...
.
(hank)
Oh, no
what are you doing?
Well, i was listenin'
to your mother
tell me about her day
.
And then it hit me
freezer shavings.
They're made of water.
[Blowing]
Oh, look at all the frost
inside this box of
fletcher's corny dogs.
Thank you, jesus.
[Crickets chirping]
]
[Alarm beeping
[groaning]
[Tap squeaks]
[Grunts]
Hey, mcnugget!
What the hell you doing?
Shh, my dad will hear us.
You're breaking our agreement.
My bribe not big enough
to cover your bath,
my slip 'n slide,
and your father's lawn.
Something gotta give,
and it not gonna be
my slip 'n slide.
And it's not gonna
be my dad's lawn.
Forget the baths.
.
Done. And you can forget
your front-door privileges
all right.
All right.
[Speaking laotian]
Come on, bobby.
You slept through the bus.
Sweet saint augustine!
[Gasps]
It worked that fast?
Yeah. How about that?
I was hoping
those freezer
shavings would work,
but between you and me
, i had my doubts.
[Car door shuts]
Hmm. That's a handsome lawn.
Well, your raleigh
saint augustine
is a real deep-rooted sod.
And it takes
a pretty picture, too.
(nate)
These were taken
over the last several nights
by a private investigator.
If i'm not mistaken,
that's your boy
violating the
water-rationing laws
with your neighbor's hose.
Bobby?
Don't worry.
I'll keep your secret,
unless, of course
you want to keep
pushing that toilet issue.
I idolized you!
[Sighs]
Bobby, you stole water.
You violated both the letter
and the spirit of
the water-rationing rules.
Dad, i didn't
steal the water.
Mr. Souphanousinphone
let me have it.
Don't lie to me, son.
Kahn hates my lawn.
No, it's true.
.
I mean,
i had to blackmail him
blackmail?
[Sighs]
Mr. Souphanousinphone
started it.
I caught him bribing
the meter reader guy.
Oh, god! J.j., too?
But, dad,
i saved your lawn.
I don't have a lawn,
i have a crime scene.
And that grass
is getting the death penalty.
No more water.
[Birds chirping]
(bobby)
Dad, guess what!
I just took
a 30-second shower.
And i'm gonna dry myself off
on the lawn.
[Grunting]
.
The lawn's dead, bobby
. you're just makin' mud
(dale)
Here, kitty, kitty
, kitty, kitty.
Here, kitty.
[Sighs]
Dale, you can't
build that fence.
You need a variance.
Variance-schmariance,
puddin' and pie.
Signed by nate hashaway?
Where'd you get that?
Stop interrogating me.
I'll never crack.
What are you talking about?
All right! I did it!
I took the photos
of the illegal lawn
hydration for hashaway.
What? You sold me out
for a stupid fence?
.
You bet i did.
I'm so ashamed
here. Tear it up
if that empty gesture
will make you feel better.
[Gasps]
Hank, you're alive
to me.
Call me.
[Panting]
[Bobby grunts]
Connie?
?? [playing violin]
[Grunts]
[Groans]
Hashaway.
Dad, i found out
somethin' about hashaway
that you could
use against him.
Bobby, you keep your dirt.
I've got enough
where my lawn used to be.
Dad, listen.
I was climbing through
connie's window, and then i...
the window? Your mother said
kahn was lettin' you
use the front door.
He was.
But i gave that up
to water your lawn.
[Gavel pounding]
This meeting is
called to order.
Sorry i took so long.
I went to powder my nose.
It took 8 flushes.
Oh. This has got to stop.
(nate)
First item of business.
Uh, oh.
Well, it's our
old friend's proposal
to repeal ordinance 621-a.
I believe mr. Hill
now wants to rescind
his proposal.
No, sir,
i do not.
You see, the envelope
in front of
mr. Hashaway there
contains photographs
of my son
watering my lawn
with stolen water.
I accept full responsibility
and after tonight's meeting,
i will resign my position.
But why is nate hashaway
fighting so hard
to keep low-flow toilets?
Because his company,
hashaway fixtures,
is the exclusive supplier
of low-flow toilets
to the water company.
That's right.
He makes money off 621-a.
And that's why i move
that we vote to overturn it.
I second the motion.
All right.
Call for a vote.
(all)
Nay.
What? But these toilets
he's selling, they don't work.
Well, i don't own
one personally.
Never even used one.
But i've known nat
e for 18 years.
,
and if he says
these low-flows
are good for arlen
.
I'm inclined
to believe him
it's 5-to-0 against you,
mr. Hill.
How do you vote?
[Sighs]
I vote...
.
(peggy)
Hank, wait
ok. Until you say
"aye" or "nay,"
.
This vote is not final
and any member who leaves
before it's final,
forfeits their vote.
.
It's all right here
in robert's rules of order
so they can't leave. So what?
,
so, eventually
they will have to go
to the bathroom.
The low-flows.
Hank, i have 2 years' wort
h of my musings columns
in my purse.
Start reading.
Do not let up.
Mr. Hill,
do you have the floor?
Yes, i do. But before i vote,
i think it's important to read
these things to, uh, you.
[Clearing throat]
"You know it's autumn
when the leaves are leaving
and the pine needles
are sticking around."
[Laughing]
Sorry. Go on.
Oh, god dang it!
It's a filibuster.
[All chattering]
"I'm tired of reading
negative stories
"about today's youth.
You might say
i'm on an all-pro-teen diet."
I'm not leavin'.
I'm just goin' to the john
.
Be my guest.
"The people who say
"you can't make an omelet
without cracking eggs
are always
pretty hard-boiled." huh.
[Toilet flushing]
Mr. Hill.
[Toilet flushing]
"They say time flies.
"But with the way the airlines
are going these days,
maybe time
should take the bus."
[Toilet flushing]
That's right. The bus.
"They say an apple a day
keeps the doctor away,
"but if you don't go
to the doctor
for regular check-ups,
you're bananas."
No.
"Both people and
rivers make deposits..."
this is just sadistic.
I wouldn't go
in the john.
I'll use the ladies'.
Too late.
Somebody already broke it.
Nate, those
low-flow toilets are junk.
I'm voting with hank.
Me, too.
I'm not sure i can
even make it home.
You're a bunch of babies.
I'm changing my vote.
Same here.
Fine. Have it your way,
you do-gooding phonies.
I hope you all rot in hell.
See you next tuesday.
It looks like
nate forfeits his vote.
I vote yes.
The repeal of ordinance 621-a
passes, and i quit.
[All sigh]
Way to go, dad
! you did it!
From now on
no one will flush
a toilet in this town
.
Without thanking hank hill
yeah. Well,
it was still worth it.
[Toilet flushing]
(hank)
Still?