King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 4, Episode 23 - Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy's Magic Sex Feet - full transcript

(peggy)
Okey-dokey
.

Now, we'll be
with dale and nanc
y at chef ling's.

I don't know the numbe
r

but if there's any problem
, just penetrate
the gribbles' perimeter.

The alarm company
will page them.

I don't need a baby-sitter.

Bobby, luanne is not here
to baby-sit.

She is here
because she misses you

and she wants to
spend time with you.

No, no, no, i...

[doorbell rings]



You'll get the other half
when we get back.

(hank)
My turn.

[Door clicking]

Uh, change of plans.

The reservations
fell through.

We're gonna eat
in the alley tonight.

The bowling alley!

What? Oh, no.
I don't think...

i am not
much of a bowler.

This shirt
would beg to differ.

Look at yours, hank.

"Flamer"
for the propane man.

[Chuckling]

I guess i could have gone
with "propane man."



No. No. Flamer is cooler.

Look at yours, sug'.
It says, "spare peg."

I started with "square peg"
and then i gave it a twist.

And then nancy said
"spare" was a bowling term.

So it works
on both levels.

All right.
This was very thoughtful,

but, really,
i'm not much of a bowler.

Maybe we could, uh,
wear them to the movies, or...

come on, peggy.

The gribbles are
gonna think
you don't like 'em.

He's right, peggy.

What do you have
against my wife?

(hank)
Men's 12.

Gent's 12.

Men's 9, 42 european.

Ladies' 5, sug'.

Gent's 9, gal size 5.

[Pins clattering]

(man)
Uh, ma'am?

Hmm?

The man needs to know
your shoe size.

I'm sure he does.
And i will tell it to him.

Why don't you go
pick your shoes up,

and i will be
with you shortly.

[Hissing]

Shoe size, ma'am.

Look, i am willing to pay
your shoe-rental fee.

But i would like to bowl
in my own shoes, please.

I'm sorry,
but those aren't
bowling shoes.

I can't let you
on the lanes.

Come on, peggy. We're puttin'
our nicknames up
on the screen.

It's a lot of fun.

.
I am a size 16

oh, i'm sorry.
I thought you said size 16.

I did.

Oh, my god!

No one's ever asked
for those before.

.
Just give me a few minutes

all right, hank,
i'm just gonna
go check on bobby.

[Slams]

But, mommy,
i want my mary janes.

Oh, peggy, it's not my fault
your feet are growing
and you're not.

I found something
that can fit her.

[Gasping]

Nurse's shoes?

[Young peggy sobbing]

Hey, watch your feet.

[Gasps]

I'm looking for something
in a woman's size 16
bowling shoe

that says "8" on the back.

[Chuckling]

No, i think you're looking
for a size 16-and-a-half

that says "8"
on the back.

16 and a half? No.

No, no. I have been a size 16
since i was
just a little girl.

Oh, it's actually quite common

for a woman's feet
to keep growing
as she gets older.

They're getting bigger?
Oh, god!

Yeah. At this rate i'd say
you've got a shot
at the big 2-o.

[Gasping]

[Crying]

Hello? Hello?
It's ok.

It really is.

.
Oh, please!
Spare me your psychobabble

[continues crying]

I know exactly
how you feel.

[Whirring]

Honey, there's a man
you should talk to.

He can make you feel good
about your feet.

I don't hide mine anymore.

Huh?

(peggy)
Grant trimble?

(trimble)
Again.

One more time.

Have you ever had
back problems?

No.

Of course not.
I'll bet you're
a gifted athlete.

Well, i am one of the best
softball pitchers
in the tri-towns.

That's because you have
really, really amazing feet.

They're long enoug
h to give you
a perfect stride

and wide enough
to root you firmly
on the ground.

I don't even have to ask
if you're
a professional success.

I have 3-peated
the substitute-teacher
of the year award

at tom landry middle school.

I would have been surprise
d if you'd said otherwise.

Wait. Are you saying
that i owe my success

to the fact
that my feet are so big?

.
Some might see them as big

i see them
as vibrant and alive.

[Chuckles]

They're also very hot.

Well, no one has ever
told me that before,

about my feet.

I have heard that before
about my eyes and my teeth.

Peggy, how would you like
to help others
in your situation?

We're making a small
inspirational film.

It's for all those people
out there who have
foot issues.

We need to take them
to a place

where they can feel better
about themselves.

Would you...

could you appear in it?

Mr. Trimble,
i've... i've never let my feet
be photographed before. I...

please, peggy.

You have an exceptional gift.

Wouldn't it be wrong of you
not to share it
with the world?

I can see how it might be.
Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Wonderful work, peggy.
Thank you.

Now go over there
and walk in some mud.

It's spa-grade,
i assure you.

[Sizzling]

[Car door shuts]

Guess what i did today.

Worked up an appetite
for steak, i hope.

Yep. I starred
in a short film.

.
Hold on. Let me just...

ok. So, tell me about it.

Well, i was discovered
in a parking lot,
just like lana turner.

And now i'm gonna star
in an educational video,

which lana turner
was never asked to do.

.
That's great.
I'll get to see
my wife in a movie

actually, it's not
really me in the film.

I-it's mainly my feet.

Well, everyone has to
start somewhere.
What's it about?

It is an empowerment video
for people in
the foot community.

(peggy)
Oh, the director,
who is a genius,

filmed me
getting a foot massage

and soaking my feet in butter,

stimulating my soles
with a ping pong paddle.

Hank, he may even
distribute it
on the internet.

(hank)
The internet?

Well, tell me, does a big
movie star like you

still like her steaks
medium-rare?

[Hank humming]

[Scraping]

[Clearing throat]

Hank, i got somethin'
you should take a look at.

And you might wanna bring
a valid credit card with ya.

[Bill chuckles]

All right, what's so funny?

If it's that
tweety bird made of x's,
i've already seen it.

Hank, welcome to
peggysfeet. Com.

(hank)
Wait a minute.

Is that
a pornographic web site?

I-it's not
a pornographic web site.

It's a fetish web site.

And those are
peggy's feet.

Well, those aren't...
now...

(male announcer)
You've got feet.

(peggy)
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What the heck is that?

Ping pong paddle.

[Chuckling]
Peggy's been a bad, bad girl.

(peggy)
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my god!

(peggy)
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Dang it, dale,
turn that thing off!

Just testin'
my new sound card.

I tell you what, man.
It all... all startin'
to make sense, man,

how you can afford
that old shop vac, man.

[Sighing]
For god's sakes, boomhauer!

You've known peggy
longer than i have.

She respects herself
and hates her feet too much

to ever show up
on somethin' like this.

Shh, here comes
the fondue.

(hank)
No, it doesn't.

[Exclaims]

(peggy)
And so, i have finally taken
my own advice

to combine
my love of education

with my interest
in edutainment.

But why are they
only makin' videos
of your feet?

.
Very good question

you may not have noticed
because i wear
bold eyeglasses

to draw the attention
to my head.

But your mother ha
s exceptionally long
and handsome feet.

[Bubbling]

Oh.

And up until now
i had been tricked
by the media

into thinking
that they were
unattractive.

Who?
Who in the media
tricked you?

Bobby,
i don't know their names.

It's more of a conspiracy.

Well, hey,
there's my movie star.

[Laughs]

Uh, bobby,
can you go watch tv?

Can i!

So, uh, peggy,
if i wanted to
shake the hand

of the directo
r of this, uh...

uh, where would i go
to wait for him, uh,
to shake his hand?

Director, writer, cameraman,
grant trimble does it all.

He has his own
motion picture warehouse
out by the truck scales.

.
I'll be right back

[brakes squealing]

[Car door shuts]

[Dog barking]

Are you the tickler?

Uh, no.

Hello? Hello? Anyone there?

Hello? Trimble?

Trimble!

(trimble)
This is a closed set.

[Snapping]

Trimble,
i want you to stay away
from my wife.

Oh, and who's your wife?

(hank)
Mrs. Peggy hill.

Then you're a very lucky man.

But i'm afraid
we're gonna have to share.

You, sir, are nothing
but a low-rent smut hound

and you're gonna delete
my wife's feet
from your internet

before she finds out
what you've done with them.

What i've done
with them?

I've made them stars.

You made them
wade through pork and beans!

This isn't about
individual artistic decisions.

It's about somethin'
bigger than you, or me
, or any of us.

.
It's about
a world wired together

a future where,
at the click of a mouse,

a dream can start in arlen

and end on a computer
in johannesburg.

The generations
joined, united

under the banner
of a single ideal:

Women's big, beautiful feet.

It's about an end to strif
e and misunderstanding.

One world,
one dream, one peace.

[Sighing]
You leave me with no choice.

I'm gonna have to
kick your ass.

Hold on.
Let me turn on
the camera.

[Sighing]

[Crickets chirping]

[Door creaking]

Uh-oh, i'm sorry.
Uh-uh, hank.

No more painting my toenails
alone in the dark.

I don't care who sees!

[Sighing]

Uh, peggy, there's somethin'
i wanna show you
on your computer.

This is an internet site
called peggysfeet. Com.

Well, i think
that is wonderful.

Now women who are
too embarrassed to even
go to the doctor

can be inspired by my feet
in the privacy
of their own homes.

Peggy, your feet are
stepping on raw hamburger.

Umm-hmm. Yes.
Mr. Trimble says that

that is a common european
beauty treatment.

[Sighing]
Here's some honey
being poured all over 'em.

It... it tones
the pores.

Yeah,
and now a bunch of flies
get stuck to 'em.

Ok. Now, that was a mistake.

Uh, here's where you
can buy the flies.

They're selling the flies?

Well, i'm... i'm sure
the money goes to

important
foot-related charities.

Uh, your socks
are for sale, too.

.
Peggy, they're
foot-fetish videos

oh, my god.

Don't feel too bad.

Bill says a lot
of college girls

get caught up
in the dirty
internet world.

I'll give you some time.

[Birds chirping]

[Peggy clears throat]
Grant?

Oh, peggy,
what a terrific surprise!

I hope you brought
your swim trunks.

I am not here
to swim, trimble.

I know what you're up to.

I have it
on good authority,
my own,

that you have been
exploiting my feet
for unseemly purposes.

You have a computer.

.
Yes.
I also have a moral compas
s that always points to good

all right, peggy.
I understand
you're a little annoyed.

We were shooting for
the women's-empowerment
market.

But as it turns out,
women were not
as interested as we'd hoped.

We did, however,
find an audience.

And it was men.

Oh.

I was ready to pull the plug
on peggysfeet. Com.

But then i realized something.

Yes?

Have you ever seen
a pair of big, beautiful feet
like yours

in playboymagazine, peggy?

No, not on the cover.

And i certainly
wouldn't open it

because i do not
read pornography.

Let's use a gap ad.
Have you ever seen them
in a gap ad? Ever?

No.
That's right. You haven't.

But what if someone,
alone at first,

was out there appreciating
big, beautiful feet?

I mean, loving them,
the way they deserve.

Pretty soon you'd see them
in music videos.

Then hollywood movies.

And before too long,

on 60-foot billboards
across america,
pushing parker pens.

So, really,
what you're saying is,

i will be helping create
a better world
for men and women?

I'd be like rosa parks.

This web site is
your bus, peggy.

Ride it to freedom.

But you said the movies
were just for women.

Well, honey,
ultimately they are.

But first
we must reach the men.

All right.
How can i put this
so you'll understand?

Hmm.

Bobby, some men
like ladies' bottoms.

And other men
like ladies' bosoms.

And a small, small number,

too few,
love ladies' big feet.

Now, mommy is trying
to increase that number

and thus
help women everywhere.

How does this
help the women
with the big boobies?

They don't need
any more help.

Hank, i am going
to my book club.

We are reading
the hunt for red october

which, luckily,
i read 12 years ago.

That's why you haven't seen me
reading it recently. Ok?

I will be
at becky bankey's house.

She does not have a phone,
or a cell phone,
or a telegraph.

[Door closes]

Ok, then.

(trimble)
Beautiful, beautiful.

Oh, yeah. Cut.

Now let's rinse you off
and move on to
some more eggs.

More eggs?
But we've done so many eggs.

How about if my feet
are on a silken cushion?

I see you have one.

That could be good
. but wait.

H-how about if your feet
are next to
a rotting jack-o'-lantern?

You know, sort of
a beauty and the beastthing.

Well, i've always thought
i should play beauty.

.
And you will. Inner beauty

inner beauty.

Good morning, grant.
I brought coffee.

[Exclaims]
Still hot.

?
That'll burn your feet
. are you ready for that

what? No.
That's for you, to drink.

I did have an idea, though,
which is why
i brought the flowers.

Uh-huh?

?
How about surrounding
my beautiful feet
with beautiful flowers

i figured we did
beauty and the beast.

How about
"beauty finally
meets her match"?

Uh, flowers smell good.
That's not gonna work.

What's wrong
with smelling good?

People like feet
that smell good.

Tell you what.

We'll compromise
with a tub
of corned beef hash.

No, grant.
That's just more food.

I brought these flower
s from my own yard.
They're so pretty...

look, i've been
around this business

for long enough
to know what works.

No one wants pretty.

They want spinach, eggs,
and corned beef hash.

For some reason,
they don't like them together.
Go figure.

Well, of course
they want pretty.

They want my feet.

You... you said so yourself.

[Clicking]
All right.
You're a smart woman.

All the girls
figure it out eventually.
That's when i start payin'.

What? Huh?

It's $200 for a 5-minute
smush video.

We shoot 10 a day.
I'm gonna need your social.

I bet you never thought
those big, ugly feet of yours

could buy you a fur coat.

?
You think my feet are ugly

let's be honest, peggy.

You know your feet are ugly.

That's what a certain type
of very self-hating individual

will pay top dollar
to see.

Now, let's fire up
those stompers
and make some dirty.

What?

[Peggy crying]

[Peggy crying]

(dale)
Peggy's home.

[Sobbing]

Uh, hey, peggy.
Can i, uh,
fix you a sandwich?

]
[Continues sobbing

oh, hank, i went back
to grant trimble's.

What?

I feel so stupid.

It turns out the only ones

who wanna look at
my ugly feet are perverts.

And the perverts
only like my feet

because they're
so big and ugly.

[Sobbing]

That's what i've been
trying to tell you.
They're fetishists.

That means they obsess
on one weird little thing.

[Sighing]

Look,
i'll never love your feet
as much as they do.

But the way i look at it,

well, you're like
a fully loaded truck.

The big tires are
part of the package.

You pay extra to get
those really big tires.

[Sobbing]

Now, why are you crying?

You know how much
i want a new truck.

[Continues crying]

I don't see any problems
with your feet, mrs. Hill.

They're perfectly healthy.

Very good.

Now, what i would like
is for you to smash them

.
With a hammer
and then reset them
until they're a size 5

[stammering]
I'm sorry. We don't do that.

[Birds chirping]

[Toy plane buzzing]

[Children chattering]

Uh, mom, aren't you shootin'
some foot movies tonight?

No, bobby,
never again.

Artistic differences?

No.

Well... no.

All that stuff i told you
about empowerment?
It was all lies.

The whole time
i was making smush videos.

And they only wanted me
for my ugly feet.

That was mean of them.

You don't understand,
bobby.

I actually let myself believe

that these were beautiful.

Can you imagine?
Peggy hill, that stupid.

I can imagine, mom. I'm fat.

Oh, no.
No, honey, you're husky.

It says so
on your jeans.

Mom. I'm fat.
But big deal.

I don't feel bad about it.

You never made me
feel bad about it.

And just because
there's some people
in the world

who want me
to feel bad about it,
doesn't mean i have to.

[Scoffs]
So bobby hill's fat.

He's also funny,
he's nice.

He's got a lot of friends,
a girlfriend.

And, if you don't mind,

i think i'll go outside
right now and squirt her
with water.

What are you gonna do?

(hank)
Men's 12.

Men's 9.

Ladies' 5, sug'.

Gent's 12 and 9.
Gal's size 5.

My name is peggy hill

and i will take
a size 16-and-a-half.

We don't need
to know your name.
We just need your shoes.

Fine. 16-and-a-half.

(man)
You know, i think i saw her
on a web site.

[Whooping]

(bobby)
Who? Who in the media
tricked you?