King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 3, Episode 8 - Good Hill Hunting - full transcript
Bobby is excited about going on his first deer hunting trip, but Hank fails to obtain the proper license in time and must seek an alternative.
[clanking]
yup.
yup.
mmm-hmm.
See? I told you it wasn't me
going through your garbage
see? Deer.
I guess we owe you an apology,
and I guess those were probably
deer droppings, too.
Probably.
Those deer are infiltrating
the human quadrant.
They've replaced fire ants
as the number one ex-urban pest.
If everything I know about exterminating
is true, which it is,
we got to find the queen deer
and take her out.
Queen deer.
I'll bet she's beautiful.
And the best part is
joseph's finally old enough to come.
Yup, I'm taking my boy
on his first hunt
the same way
my dad took me
25 years ago.
,
We're not just
killing a deer
.
we're killing
joseph's childhood
you. I am photographically
memorizing your face.
(bill)
look at that.
He's staring
right back at you.
git!
[clapping hands]
ok, hank. You can borrow
my tackstar laser sight.
Bobby's first hunt,
so he'll need the russian
night vision goggles.
My joseph's got
the bionic ear booster
,
and I'll be in charge
of the good stuff.
Deer wee-wee.
Super-premium estrus
deer wee-wee.
A little dab'll do ya.
This is crazy.
People used to go hunting,
and all they'd need
was an orange shirt
and a 6-pack.
Times have changed, hank.
But you'd know all this
if you were a hunter.
For the love of god, man.
You go to church
more than you go hunting.
You should be ashamed.
[all laughing]
i'm not ashamed.
And I'm glad
there's people out there
thinning the herd.
But if I wanna
get sloppy drunk
and shoot off guns
with a bunch of guys,
i'll go to
my dad's oscar party.
Hank, a hunting trip's
not just about
getting drunk
or shooting deer.
It's about getting out
in the woods,
away from the government,
where your
paper money's useless,
unless you run out of leaves.
Where man can
let down his guard
and share his biggest fears.
Dale, you with your guard down
is my biggest fear.
My biggest fear is
that little pointy...
Well,
i'll save it for the trip.
You mean the beetle?
Shut up. I was saving that
for the trip.
(bobby)
don't think of it as a rifle.
.
Think of it as
a part of your bod
y that fires bullets
when the time comes,
you think you'll be able to,
you know, pull the trigger?
Oh, yeah. I don't wanna
be the only kid around
who doesn't kill a deer.
You could get
a loser nickname like,
I don't know...
Pork pockets?
More about not
killing deer, but, yeah.
But we don't
have to worry
'cause we'll be hunting
with our dads. A team.
[bird squawking]
[growling]
[groaning]
[gasps]
go get him, bobby.
No, we're a team.
[grunting]
[gun clicking]
[birds twittering]
bobby, I just wanna say
that you are perfect,
and a man.
I don't mean to brag,
especially about something
that hasn't
actually happened yet.
(hank)
what's with the bandages?
Luanne fixing to give
you another haircut?
This is for you and bobby
to take on your hunting trip.
You'll be ready
for cuts, sprains,
and I even put in
a needle and thread
to sew your ear back on
after bobby talks it off.
Yeah.
We'll be gossiping
like schoolgirls.
And I made a little
hunting permit case
out of a freezer bag.
Give me your permit
and I'll stick it in.
Well, I haven't
really got the permit yet.
You didn't buy
the permit yet?
Hank, what is wrong with you?
Nothing.
Uh, that reminds me,
did you get the batteries
for bobby's game boy?
And did you pack
his backup game boy?
Bobby's not
bringing toys on this trip.
And when was the last time
he had 2 whole days to spend
just talking with his father?
I spend lots of time
with bobby.
He's there when I eat.
He's there when I watch t.v.
I've thrown
countless balls at him
in the backyard.
[sighing]
hank,
you're scared of
being alone with him.
I am not.
You are scared
of your own son.
Maybe I am. So what?
I don't get him sometimes.
The things that come
out of his mouth...
And he's almost a teenager,
so it's just gonna get worse.
And I don't know
what we're gonna
talk about for 2 days.
Hell, yes, I'm scared.
This is an important milestone
on bobby's road to becoming
a successful adult.
One of the big 3.
Age 12: first hunt.
Age 16: learns to drive.
Age 18: finally turns 18.
Give him this milestone, hank,
so he can move on
to the next and the next
and eventually
move out of the house.
And then you won't
have to talk to him at all.
All right, fine.
I'll get the permit,
bobby'll kill the deer,
and everyone will
live happily ever after.
[groaning]
bobby, what are you doing
in the master bedroom?
The truck's all packed
, breakfast is cooked
and here's your robe,
towel, and toothbrush.
? I'm a traveling man
made a lot of stops ?
? All over the world ?
? And in every port ?
? I own the heart
of at least one ??
[sighing]
?
hello, son.
What are you doing
watching.
What does a razor
smell like?
I bet it smells really good.
Like metal.
Yeah, huh. Ok.
Why don't you wait
in the kitchen, bobby?
I can't shave and talk
at the same time.
That's ok.
We don't have to talk.
[water splashing]
hmm, your boy's
first buck.
I remember my first buck.
Took me 6 shots
to bring him down,
3 more to finish him off.
There was no
usable meat left.
But what a thrill.
,
Sug', you're
taking away my boy
and you're gonna
bring him home a man.
]
[sniffling
and how long is that
gonna take exactly?
Sorry, babe.
You'll have to do
without the big "d"
for at least 2 nights.
??[music playing
on car stereo]
dale.
John redcorn.
You brought back
that tea bag I lent you?
no.
I have something for joseph.
Your first hunting trip
is a sacred occasion.
The deer you kill
will be a relative.
You must show
your respect for him
and all the deer people,
first by giving thanks,
then by using
every part of his body.
No prob.
We're taking old mister buck
right to the rendering plant
for sausageification.
This hunting knife
was given to me
by my father,
and to him by his father.
Now, I pass it along to you.
A used knife.
Umm...
Cool. Thanks.
Let me hug my child
one last time.
Oh, my big boy!
About to become
my little man.
[whispering]
honey, I filled your rifle bag
with fruit pies.
Your rifle
is in your sleeping bag.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, peggy.
(dale)
let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
Just a second.
There's one last errand
I need to run.
What do you need?
Mike and ike's?
Got you covered.
no,
I just need to hop on over
to the county office
and pick up a couple
of hunting permits.
Don't worry,
i'll be right back.
?
Can I help you
yeah,
i'm taking my boy hunting,
so I need
a couple of permits.
Oh, and one of those
"don't mess with texas"
bumper stickers.
No more deer permits
this year.
Why not?
They haven't all been shot.
I caught one
picking through my garbage
like this was new york city.
I know.
They're a real nuisance.
They're eating
everything in sight.
Of course.
There's too many deer
and not enough food.
Issue more permits
or they'll all starve.
Yeah, sorry.
We had to limit it
to 400 this year.
Only way to get
the environmentalists
off their hunger strike.
So you're telling me
my boy can't go hunting
because you wouldn't let
a couple of twig boys starve?
Forget number 6.
You're now serving nonsense.
Good luck on your
hunting trip, bobby.
Thanks.
Just so you know,
i'm leaving a boy,
i'm coming back a man.
You're lucky.
I'm leaving a girl,
and coming back a man.
(kahn)
hey, kahn jr.!
I'm in the car.
You ride shotgun.
And don't forget
raisin bagels.
They're in my briefcase.
All right, everyone,
let's go.
Uh, guys,
why don't you go on ahead?
Bobby, hop in.
[tires screeching]
[exhaling]
bobby, uh, there's something
I want to tell you.
(bobby)
no, me first.
I know I'm about
to be a man, dad.
So I wanted to take
this last chance
to tell you
how much I love you.
[sighing]
you might want to take
this last chance to cry, too.
Because we're not going.
[grunting]
you see that?
He's already practicing up
for next season.
I tell you what, peggy
, with this extra year
under his belt,
he's not only gonna be a man,
he's gonna be a superman.
How do you like that?
Our son, a superman.
[sighing]
you have no clue, do you?
Would you look at him?
He's at the age
where little-boy hormones
get violent.
They don't call
them nice, quiet,
well-behaved hormones.
They're raging, hank!
He has
a chemical need to kill.
I was counting on you
to channel that need
away from humans.
[cocking]
[yelling]
[panting]
i'll be locking
my bedroom door tonight.
So please be in
by 10:00 p.m.
Red dog one,
this is red dog three.
Do you copy? Over.
Ten-four, red dog three.
[walkie-talkie screeching]
[both screaming]
damn inferior soviet
surplus merchandise.
Never does what
it's supposed to.
Or maybe it's doing
exactly what
it's supposed to do.
Maybe it just
bounced a signal
off a satellite
to an attack sub
in the gulf of mexico
whose mission is
to read our brain waves.
That's my boy!
I was about to say
precisely the same thing.
Except the sub's
in lake superior.
(peggy)
what are you doing, bobby?
Nothing.
There's a spider
in the kitchen.
Would you like
to come kill it?
No, thanks.
Ok, then.
[peggy swatting]
[sighing]
[snoring]
hank! Hank, wake up.
I just want to tell you that
i'm learning more about
how you destroyed
bobby's life.
I searched through
my old social studies files,
and look what I found.
In a tribe in
papua new guinea,
a boy who misses out o
n a rite of passage,
in their case,
killing a missionary,
remains a boy forever.
He will never
become a man.
This is a report
by a 7th-grader.
And it only got a "c."
I have backup.
Look at this
4th-grade word find
about the huron
indians' rites of passage.
"madness"?
When a little
huron indian boy
wants to achieve manhood
but he fails to kill an elk,
he will get physically ill
and then go
stark raving mad.
Well, I did see
bobby talking to
the Mrs. Butterworth bottle.
But I didn't
think it was strange
at the time.
(eustace)
hey, hank,
could you give me a hand
carrying this out to my s.u.v?
Eustace? I've never seen you
in here before.
Finally decided
to make the switch
to propane, huh?
You know, I think you'll find
it's the perfect choice
for all your heating--
Thanks, but we use
passive solar.
The propane's for
cooking randy's deer,
once he kills it, of course.
What? You're gonna take
that son of yours hunting?
Oh, I've got to.
It's a rite of passage.
At least, that's the feeling
in my men's group.
.
That's why I'm not
taking any chances
la grunta.
The la grunta hotel and resort
does a hunt every year.
They take care
of everything.
Guns, permits,
apres hunt wine-tasting.
Permits?
"cushioned shooting stands,
heated blinds
with automatic corn feeders."
That's not hunting.
That's shooting fish
in a barrel.
.
(eustace)
oh, they--they
have that, too
[exclaims]
you want to ride
bikes with me?
ok.
...which brings us
to the trilateral commission.
Ironically named,
because there's actually 4--
Dad, I think
I hear a deer.
[gulps]
i'd better
go have a look.
[screaming]
thanks.
[gun firing]
[whooping]
[both laughing victoriously]
nice throw, dad.
Nice shot, son.
We make a great team,
don't we?
yup.
The gribble doesn't
fall far from the tree.
[both chuckle]
[imitating gunfire]
[imitating gunfire]
[gasps]
[whimpering]
bobby!
Bobby, stop playing dead.
Get up before
someone sees you.
What was that?
Dad, is that you?
Everything's so dim.
Bobby, get up.
I'm not gonna make it.
You are not injured.
The gold is buried...
[wheezing]
it's buried...
[moaning]
stand up.
Bobby, look what I got.
[exclaiming victoriously]
I got shot in a holdup.
What?
He's fine, connie.
.
He had an allergic reactio
n to a fruit pie, that's all
(bill)
that's it.
Hell, yeah.
Look at that beaut.
How about this kid, hank?
Excuse me.
How about this man?
Look at me.
Everybody's got
a deer and I don't.
[sniffling]
everything looks
so christmassy.
Now I know how
the jewish kids feel.
[bobby crying]
bobby, how would you
like to trade in
that cowboy costume
for a hunting permit?
What? Do you mean it?
You got a permit?
I got better than a permit.
I got la grunta.
This is fancy.
Where do the deer stay?
They don't keep
the deer in the hotel.
God! I hope they don't.
Hi, I'm beverly la grunta.
No relation.
?
Can I help you
uh, we're here
to deer hunt.
Wonderful! The shuttle leaves
in a half an hour.
It's $400 for two.
Will that be cash or credit?
$400?
Uh, hey, bobby,
look at all this other stuff.
We could golf or
swim with a dolphin.
Can I hunt it?
Uh, it doesn't say.
Hey, here you go.
"museum of miniatures."
$40 and worth every penny,
if you ask me.
Don't get upset, now.
I was just testing you.
[laughs nervously]
you passed.
(boy)
hey, bobby!
Look at my deer.
.
He shot it
all by himself
they wrapped it
at the gift shop.
[gasps]
[bird squawks]
[sighing]
.
it's beautiful
boy, you said it.
Now, careful when you walk.
Deer can hear
the rhythmic pattern
of human footsteps.
Gotcha!
[vehicle approaching]
there's an open stand
in pasture 2
with your name on it.
That'd be hill, right?
I will never
forget this moment, dad.
It's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
When I'm a man,
do I still get my allowance
or do I get up
to minimum wage?
Well, son, now that
you're gonna be a man,
you're gonna have
more responsibilities,
and maybe you do deserve
a little more each week.
yup.
yup!
[corn feeder whirring]
[whispering]
I think I'm gonna shoot
the one on the left.
?
What do you think, dad
uh, I don't think
you have to
whisper anymore, bobby.
(bobby)
squeeze, don't pull.
[birds twittering]
this isn't right,
is it, dad?
No, it isn't, son.
(hank)
i'm sorry, bobby.
I guess I really let
you down, didn't i?
It's ok.
I know you didn't mean for it
to be this horrible.
You know, there's plenty
of worse things
than getting to hold o
n to your boyhood
.
for a whole other year
and by holding on
to your boyhood,
I don't mean--
I know, dad. I know.
Look at it this way.
This gives me an extra year
to learn from the man
i'd most like to be like
when I finally become a man.
]
[sighs
damn it, bobby!
This just ain't right.
You're 12 years old.
You're a good son.
You deserve
better than this.
[brakes squealing]
i'm gonna skip you ahead
one whole milestone.
I'm gonna let you
drive my truck.
What?
You heard me.
Well, come on.
Grab some wheel.
I don't believe it!
I'm in your seat!
Believe it, bobby.
It's real,
and it's really happening.
Now, you gotta
reach the pedals.
[grunts]
and now,
we'll fix your mirror.
Ok, start her up.
Now, that's the gear shift,
and that's the brake.
And, well,
you've seen the movies.
You know how it works.
Let's go.
[engine sputtering]
keep it steady.
That's good.
This is so cool.
I'm driving
the hell out of this truck
, aren't i, dad?
You sure are, son.
You sure are.
[both screaming]
(hank)
brake! No!
[thudding]
!
oh, no
I hit a deer
with your truck.
Oh, god!
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
And it's a good, clean kill.
Yup, a good kill.
Oh, they're home.
You should have
seen it, peggy.
It came out of the woods,
and charged right at us.
But bobby took care of it.
No problem.
Didn't you, boy?
I mean, man.
.
Oh, my son.
My big, strong, normal son
nice going, bobby.
Would you look at
the rack on that thing?
Mmm-hmm.
There's your sausage parts
, right there.
Nice going, bobby.
(connie)
way to go, bobby!
(joseph)
yeah!
I couldn't have
done it without my dad.
yup.
[camera clicking]
[dog barking]
[imitating driving]
[grunting]
[gasps]
[gasps]
[grunting]
(bobby)
i'm driving the hell
out of this truck!
yup.
yup.
mmm-hmm.
See? I told you it wasn't me
going through your garbage
see? Deer.
I guess we owe you an apology,
and I guess those were probably
deer droppings, too.
Probably.
Those deer are infiltrating
the human quadrant.
They've replaced fire ants
as the number one ex-urban pest.
If everything I know about exterminating
is true, which it is,
we got to find the queen deer
and take her out.
Queen deer.
I'll bet she's beautiful.
And the best part is
joseph's finally old enough to come.
Yup, I'm taking my boy
on his first hunt
the same way
my dad took me
25 years ago.
,
We're not just
killing a deer
.
we're killing
joseph's childhood
you. I am photographically
memorizing your face.
(bill)
look at that.
He's staring
right back at you.
git!
[clapping hands]
ok, hank. You can borrow
my tackstar laser sight.
Bobby's first hunt,
so he'll need the russian
night vision goggles.
My joseph's got
the bionic ear booster
,
and I'll be in charge
of the good stuff.
Deer wee-wee.
Super-premium estrus
deer wee-wee.
A little dab'll do ya.
This is crazy.
People used to go hunting,
and all they'd need
was an orange shirt
and a 6-pack.
Times have changed, hank.
But you'd know all this
if you were a hunter.
For the love of god, man.
You go to church
more than you go hunting.
You should be ashamed.
[all laughing]
i'm not ashamed.
And I'm glad
there's people out there
thinning the herd.
But if I wanna
get sloppy drunk
and shoot off guns
with a bunch of guys,
i'll go to
my dad's oscar party.
Hank, a hunting trip's
not just about
getting drunk
or shooting deer.
It's about getting out
in the woods,
away from the government,
where your
paper money's useless,
unless you run out of leaves.
Where man can
let down his guard
and share his biggest fears.
Dale, you with your guard down
is my biggest fear.
My biggest fear is
that little pointy...
Well,
i'll save it for the trip.
You mean the beetle?
Shut up. I was saving that
for the trip.
(bobby)
don't think of it as a rifle.
.
Think of it as
a part of your bod
y that fires bullets
when the time comes,
you think you'll be able to,
you know, pull the trigger?
Oh, yeah. I don't wanna
be the only kid around
who doesn't kill a deer.
You could get
a loser nickname like,
I don't know...
Pork pockets?
More about not
killing deer, but, yeah.
But we don't
have to worry
'cause we'll be hunting
with our dads. A team.
[bird squawking]
[growling]
[groaning]
[gasps]
go get him, bobby.
No, we're a team.
[grunting]
[gun clicking]
[birds twittering]
bobby, I just wanna say
that you are perfect,
and a man.
I don't mean to brag,
especially about something
that hasn't
actually happened yet.
(hank)
what's with the bandages?
Luanne fixing to give
you another haircut?
This is for you and bobby
to take on your hunting trip.
You'll be ready
for cuts, sprains,
and I even put in
a needle and thread
to sew your ear back on
after bobby talks it off.
Yeah.
We'll be gossiping
like schoolgirls.
And I made a little
hunting permit case
out of a freezer bag.
Give me your permit
and I'll stick it in.
Well, I haven't
really got the permit yet.
You didn't buy
the permit yet?
Hank, what is wrong with you?
Nothing.
Uh, that reminds me,
did you get the batteries
for bobby's game boy?
And did you pack
his backup game boy?
Bobby's not
bringing toys on this trip.
And when was the last time
he had 2 whole days to spend
just talking with his father?
I spend lots of time
with bobby.
He's there when I eat.
He's there when I watch t.v.
I've thrown
countless balls at him
in the backyard.
[sighing]
hank,
you're scared of
being alone with him.
I am not.
You are scared
of your own son.
Maybe I am. So what?
I don't get him sometimes.
The things that come
out of his mouth...
And he's almost a teenager,
so it's just gonna get worse.
And I don't know
what we're gonna
talk about for 2 days.
Hell, yes, I'm scared.
This is an important milestone
on bobby's road to becoming
a successful adult.
One of the big 3.
Age 12: first hunt.
Age 16: learns to drive.
Age 18: finally turns 18.
Give him this milestone, hank,
so he can move on
to the next and the next
and eventually
move out of the house.
And then you won't
have to talk to him at all.
All right, fine.
I'll get the permit,
bobby'll kill the deer,
and everyone will
live happily ever after.
[groaning]
bobby, what are you doing
in the master bedroom?
The truck's all packed
, breakfast is cooked
and here's your robe,
towel, and toothbrush.
? I'm a traveling man
made a lot of stops ?
? All over the world ?
? And in every port ?
? I own the heart
of at least one ??
[sighing]
?
hello, son.
What are you doing
watching.
What does a razor
smell like?
I bet it smells really good.
Like metal.
Yeah, huh. Ok.
Why don't you wait
in the kitchen, bobby?
I can't shave and talk
at the same time.
That's ok.
We don't have to talk.
[water splashing]
hmm, your boy's
first buck.
I remember my first buck.
Took me 6 shots
to bring him down,
3 more to finish him off.
There was no
usable meat left.
But what a thrill.
,
Sug', you're
taking away my boy
and you're gonna
bring him home a man.
]
[sniffling
and how long is that
gonna take exactly?
Sorry, babe.
You'll have to do
without the big "d"
for at least 2 nights.
??[music playing
on car stereo]
dale.
John redcorn.
You brought back
that tea bag I lent you?
no.
I have something for joseph.
Your first hunting trip
is a sacred occasion.
The deer you kill
will be a relative.
You must show
your respect for him
and all the deer people,
first by giving thanks,
then by using
every part of his body.
No prob.
We're taking old mister buck
right to the rendering plant
for sausageification.
This hunting knife
was given to me
by my father,
and to him by his father.
Now, I pass it along to you.
A used knife.
Umm...
Cool. Thanks.
Let me hug my child
one last time.
Oh, my big boy!
About to become
my little man.
[whispering]
honey, I filled your rifle bag
with fruit pies.
Your rifle
is in your sleeping bag.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, peggy.
(dale)
let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
Just a second.
There's one last errand
I need to run.
What do you need?
Mike and ike's?
Got you covered.
no,
I just need to hop on over
to the county office
and pick up a couple
of hunting permits.
Don't worry,
i'll be right back.
?
Can I help you
yeah,
i'm taking my boy hunting,
so I need
a couple of permits.
Oh, and one of those
"don't mess with texas"
bumper stickers.
No more deer permits
this year.
Why not?
They haven't all been shot.
I caught one
picking through my garbage
like this was new york city.
I know.
They're a real nuisance.
They're eating
everything in sight.
Of course.
There's too many deer
and not enough food.
Issue more permits
or they'll all starve.
Yeah, sorry.
We had to limit it
to 400 this year.
Only way to get
the environmentalists
off their hunger strike.
So you're telling me
my boy can't go hunting
because you wouldn't let
a couple of twig boys starve?
Forget number 6.
You're now serving nonsense.
Good luck on your
hunting trip, bobby.
Thanks.
Just so you know,
i'm leaving a boy,
i'm coming back a man.
You're lucky.
I'm leaving a girl,
and coming back a man.
(kahn)
hey, kahn jr.!
I'm in the car.
You ride shotgun.
And don't forget
raisin bagels.
They're in my briefcase.
All right, everyone,
let's go.
Uh, guys,
why don't you go on ahead?
Bobby, hop in.
[tires screeching]
[exhaling]
bobby, uh, there's something
I want to tell you.
(bobby)
no, me first.
I know I'm about
to be a man, dad.
So I wanted to take
this last chance
to tell you
how much I love you.
[sighing]
you might want to take
this last chance to cry, too.
Because we're not going.
[grunting]
you see that?
He's already practicing up
for next season.
I tell you what, peggy
, with this extra year
under his belt,
he's not only gonna be a man,
he's gonna be a superman.
How do you like that?
Our son, a superman.
[sighing]
you have no clue, do you?
Would you look at him?
He's at the age
where little-boy hormones
get violent.
They don't call
them nice, quiet,
well-behaved hormones.
They're raging, hank!
He has
a chemical need to kill.
I was counting on you
to channel that need
away from humans.
[cocking]
[yelling]
[panting]
i'll be locking
my bedroom door tonight.
So please be in
by 10:00 p.m.
Red dog one,
this is red dog three.
Do you copy? Over.
Ten-four, red dog three.
[walkie-talkie screeching]
[both screaming]
damn inferior soviet
surplus merchandise.
Never does what
it's supposed to.
Or maybe it's doing
exactly what
it's supposed to do.
Maybe it just
bounced a signal
off a satellite
to an attack sub
in the gulf of mexico
whose mission is
to read our brain waves.
That's my boy!
I was about to say
precisely the same thing.
Except the sub's
in lake superior.
(peggy)
what are you doing, bobby?
Nothing.
There's a spider
in the kitchen.
Would you like
to come kill it?
No, thanks.
Ok, then.
[peggy swatting]
[sighing]
[snoring]
hank! Hank, wake up.
I just want to tell you that
i'm learning more about
how you destroyed
bobby's life.
I searched through
my old social studies files,
and look what I found.
In a tribe in
papua new guinea,
a boy who misses out o
n a rite of passage,
in their case,
killing a missionary,
remains a boy forever.
He will never
become a man.
This is a report
by a 7th-grader.
And it only got a "c."
I have backup.
Look at this
4th-grade word find
about the huron
indians' rites of passage.
"madness"?
When a little
huron indian boy
wants to achieve manhood
but he fails to kill an elk,
he will get physically ill
and then go
stark raving mad.
Well, I did see
bobby talking to
the Mrs. Butterworth bottle.
But I didn't
think it was strange
at the time.
(eustace)
hey, hank,
could you give me a hand
carrying this out to my s.u.v?
Eustace? I've never seen you
in here before.
Finally decided
to make the switch
to propane, huh?
You know, I think you'll find
it's the perfect choice
for all your heating--
Thanks, but we use
passive solar.
The propane's for
cooking randy's deer,
once he kills it, of course.
What? You're gonna take
that son of yours hunting?
Oh, I've got to.
It's a rite of passage.
At least, that's the feeling
in my men's group.
.
That's why I'm not
taking any chances
la grunta.
The la grunta hotel and resort
does a hunt every year.
They take care
of everything.
Guns, permits,
apres hunt wine-tasting.
Permits?
"cushioned shooting stands,
heated blinds
with automatic corn feeders."
That's not hunting.
That's shooting fish
in a barrel.
.
(eustace)
oh, they--they
have that, too
[exclaims]
you want to ride
bikes with me?
ok.
...which brings us
to the trilateral commission.
Ironically named,
because there's actually 4--
Dad, I think
I hear a deer.
[gulps]
i'd better
go have a look.
[screaming]
thanks.
[gun firing]
[whooping]
[both laughing victoriously]
nice throw, dad.
Nice shot, son.
We make a great team,
don't we?
yup.
The gribble doesn't
fall far from the tree.
[both chuckle]
[imitating gunfire]
[imitating gunfire]
[gasps]
[whimpering]
bobby!
Bobby, stop playing dead.
Get up before
someone sees you.
What was that?
Dad, is that you?
Everything's so dim.
Bobby, get up.
I'm not gonna make it.
You are not injured.
The gold is buried...
[wheezing]
it's buried...
[moaning]
stand up.
Bobby, look what I got.
[exclaiming victoriously]
I got shot in a holdup.
What?
He's fine, connie.
.
He had an allergic reactio
n to a fruit pie, that's all
(bill)
that's it.
Hell, yeah.
Look at that beaut.
How about this kid, hank?
Excuse me.
How about this man?
Look at me.
Everybody's got
a deer and I don't.
[sniffling]
everything looks
so christmassy.
Now I know how
the jewish kids feel.
[bobby crying]
bobby, how would you
like to trade in
that cowboy costume
for a hunting permit?
What? Do you mean it?
You got a permit?
I got better than a permit.
I got la grunta.
This is fancy.
Where do the deer stay?
They don't keep
the deer in the hotel.
God! I hope they don't.
Hi, I'm beverly la grunta.
No relation.
?
Can I help you
uh, we're here
to deer hunt.
Wonderful! The shuttle leaves
in a half an hour.
It's $400 for two.
Will that be cash or credit?
$400?
Uh, hey, bobby,
look at all this other stuff.
We could golf or
swim with a dolphin.
Can I hunt it?
Uh, it doesn't say.
Hey, here you go.
"museum of miniatures."
$40 and worth every penny,
if you ask me.
Don't get upset, now.
I was just testing you.
[laughs nervously]
you passed.
(boy)
hey, bobby!
Look at my deer.
.
He shot it
all by himself
they wrapped it
at the gift shop.
[gasps]
[bird squawks]
[sighing]
.
it's beautiful
boy, you said it.
Now, careful when you walk.
Deer can hear
the rhythmic pattern
of human footsteps.
Gotcha!
[vehicle approaching]
there's an open stand
in pasture 2
with your name on it.
That'd be hill, right?
I will never
forget this moment, dad.
It's the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
When I'm a man,
do I still get my allowance
or do I get up
to minimum wage?
Well, son, now that
you're gonna be a man,
you're gonna have
more responsibilities,
and maybe you do deserve
a little more each week.
yup.
yup!
[corn feeder whirring]
[whispering]
I think I'm gonna shoot
the one on the left.
?
What do you think, dad
uh, I don't think
you have to
whisper anymore, bobby.
(bobby)
squeeze, don't pull.
[birds twittering]
this isn't right,
is it, dad?
No, it isn't, son.
(hank)
i'm sorry, bobby.
I guess I really let
you down, didn't i?
It's ok.
I know you didn't mean for it
to be this horrible.
You know, there's plenty
of worse things
than getting to hold o
n to your boyhood
.
for a whole other year
and by holding on
to your boyhood,
I don't mean--
I know, dad. I know.
Look at it this way.
This gives me an extra year
to learn from the man
i'd most like to be like
when I finally become a man.
]
[sighs
damn it, bobby!
This just ain't right.
You're 12 years old.
You're a good son.
You deserve
better than this.
[brakes squealing]
i'm gonna skip you ahead
one whole milestone.
I'm gonna let you
drive my truck.
What?
You heard me.
Well, come on.
Grab some wheel.
I don't believe it!
I'm in your seat!
Believe it, bobby.
It's real,
and it's really happening.
Now, you gotta
reach the pedals.
[grunts]
and now,
we'll fix your mirror.
Ok, start her up.
Now, that's the gear shift,
and that's the brake.
And, well,
you've seen the movies.
You know how it works.
Let's go.
[engine sputtering]
keep it steady.
That's good.
This is so cool.
I'm driving
the hell out of this truck
, aren't i, dad?
You sure are, son.
You sure are.
[both screaming]
(hank)
brake! No!
[thudding]
!
oh, no
I hit a deer
with your truck.
Oh, god!
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
And it's a good, clean kill.
Yup, a good kill.
Oh, they're home.
You should have
seen it, peggy.
It came out of the woods,
and charged right at us.
But bobby took care of it.
No problem.
Didn't you, boy?
I mean, man.
.
Oh, my son.
My big, strong, normal son
nice going, bobby.
Would you look at
the rack on that thing?
Mmm-hmm.
There's your sausage parts
, right there.
Nice going, bobby.
(connie)
way to go, bobby!
(joseph)
yeah!
I couldn't have
done it without my dad.
yup.
[camera clicking]
[dog barking]
[imitating driving]
[grunting]
[gasps]
[gasps]
[grunting]
(bobby)
i'm driving the hell
out of this truck!